Discovering My Brain Tumour - Sarah Collins

Added: 2026-05-11

[00:00:00]Good morning. How are you all doing?

[00:00:02]Hope you're all okay. Uh thank you so much following on from my um previous video where I had a little bit of chat a little bit of a chat with you all sharing um about the brain tumor and things. Um I feel that it was right to do so because um I've been been on here for quite some time now and I've built up like a lovely community of friends and followers and they share things with me and I thought back then when it all happened when the the brain tumor was discovered in 2012, it wasn't the right time for me to share detail about it. I was just trying to get through it all myself and just even thinking about it was making me worse. I couldn't even look at the scans and and things like that until a lot later. So it wasn't the right time to share it back then, but now I do feel like it's time to share a little bit of the detail and this video is going to be about just the discovery of um the brain tumor, how I found out that I had a brain tumor.

[00:01:00]Basically I'd given birth to my daughter Lily um in back end of July and was absolutely fine felt really great, was really proud of myself and uh Freddy was about five at the time and uh his little sister was brought along and everything was happy families.

[00:01:22]And then eight weeks later um I mean I was doing gigs when I was pregnant and things and there was one time that sticks out in my memory where I was doing a gig and I was heavily pregnant and I felt really really ill but like not sicky ill like when you're pregnant but like disorientated like I was going to going to fall into the audience and I had to come off stage and I had to go home and I was sick twice on the way home and then when I got home I think I must have had one eyelash up here and another eyelash down here and Tom was like "What's going on with you? You you look very well at all." I said, "I don't feel I don't feel well.

[00:01:58]And it was a weird one um cuz I put I did put it down to being pregnant afterwards, but it wasn't like that. It wasn't just sickness. It was disorientated and dizzy and just feeling really unbalanced and that sort of thing.

[00:02:13]Anyway, um just passed it off as just being being ill at the time and you know, uh had a little bit of rest and and that was it um but then 8 weeks after having Lily um I'd taken uh Freddy to school in my car with Lily in the car. Drove all the way there, windy roads all the way there.

[00:02:34]Got Freddy safety safely to school, got all the way back home with Lily in the car. Managed to get home in the house and then um she was in a bouncer chair and I felt absolutely fine. I just needed to go to the loo for a wee.

[00:02:47]So, [snorts] I popped upstairs.

[00:02:49]She was safe downstairs.

[00:02:52]And I can remember thinking, oh something's not right. And all my vision just started jumping like a Charlie Chaplin movie, you know, when it flickers.

[00:03:01]It was like flickering like that and it started to get faster and faster. And I can remember gripping hold of the loo thinking, I can't ring anyone. I've got I've not got my mobile with me and I think if I'd have had my mobile, I wouldn't have even been able to use it anyway. And I must have tipped forward and smacked my head on the tiles.

[00:03:20]And I ended up with apparently a a big cartoon bump on my head.

[00:03:24]And then I must have crawled from the bathroom across the top of the stairs into Lily's bedroom and that's where my husband found me like at the end of the day when he come home from work.

[00:03:35]So, I'd been there all day. And when he found me, he said I had a fixed like my teeth were fixed and my eyes were open, but I'd been sick.

[00:03:44]Lily was in absolute mess. She'd been there all day. She'd been crying and she was wet, you know, but luckily she was safe. She hadn't fallen or bumped herself or anything.

[00:03:53]So, when he comes through the door, the phone's going and the school's ringing saying, "Where's Sarah? Why isn't she Why isn't she picking Freddy up from school?" She's like, "Just hang on a minute. I need to find out what's going on." So, like I say, he found me upstairs with this bump on my head in Lily's room. Phone the ambulance.

[00:04:08]The ambulance came.

[00:04:10]I can't remember any of that. All I can remember is seeing the nurse's badge.

[00:04:14]Like not badge, but like the little clock that they wear. And I can remember saying, "Sarah, Sarah, can you hear me?"

[00:04:20]And I just made a grunting noise, and then it's it scared me even more cuz I could remember thinking, "I can't talk."

[00:04:26]Anyway, they must have got me onto a stretcher, and then they had to sedate me apparently cuz I was trying to get off the stretcher to bring me down the stairs. Poor little Fred saw me being brought down the stairs. Grandma and Granddad were there at the time.

[00:04:40]Tom had had rung them, and Grandma and Granddad had thinking being and picked Freddy up from school, brought him back home, but really sad that Freddy saw me in that state.

[00:04:50]And then they took me to Airedale Hospital where they scanned my head, and then they found this bump Well, this it wasn't a bump. It was a tumor the size of a satsuma, and it was right at the front here.

[00:05:00]And it was pressing on a main artery, and I think that's why I'd I'd had the fall.

[00:05:04]And they obviously told Tom who couldn't quite believe it, and then they whisked me over to Leeds Hospital where they needed to remove it straight away.

[00:05:16]So, I went in there, and uh thankfully they removed it straight away. I know remember nothing of it. All I remember is a a lady coming in and out of the room and just writing figures down every 2 minutes, and I think I must have been saying thank you to her all the time.

[00:05:32]And I think she said something like, "It's my job. This is what I do." But this is what the amazing people do that we never see, you know?

[00:05:40]It's just amazing to save saving people's lives every day. That's what they do. And And guy that removed my Dr. Shoemas, you know, absolutely amazing. You know, I forever grateful to him.

[00:05:54]I did go back and see him actually. Um and but I couldn't look at the scan. It was still too early to look at the scan. But I went back and to see him and I I got a picture with him. And again, he was just like, "This is what I do. This is you know, this is my job." And I couldn't quite believe it. Anyway, I'm rambling on.

[00:06:11]So, yes, I was in the intensive care.

[00:06:14]Come out of intensive care, went into high dependency ward. And that's where they were just monitoring me for a time obviously so so that I recovered cuz obviously your brain I was told is the slowest to heal.

[00:06:27]And they'd cut through everything. So, they they hadn't shaved my head. They just shaved like a little strip of hair from there to there. And then I'd ended up apparently with staples here.

[00:06:37]Um but Tom says what the scariest part was, he says, "You were in a room on your own." He says, "And it was the old part of Leeds hospital which is like a red brick building. It's quite an old-fashioned part." And he had to walk past a lot of ill poorly people to get to the room where I was on on my own. He says, "And that was quite frightening."

[00:06:55]Well, it must have been awful for him really.

[00:06:57]Um anyway, so that was that. I was in high dependency.

[00:07:02]And I had to do a little task before I came home.

[00:07:06]And I couldn't put my my fist in my I couldn't clench my fist because apparently the right-hand side of your brain affects the left-hand side of your body and vice versa.

[00:07:15]And I had a physio came and she said, "Right, you're going to have to make a sandwich or something before you go home." A little task to see if I could do it. And I couldn't find the the butter in the fridge. So, I couldn't see the butter cuz it was on the left-hand side. And it's comical now, but I think she said something to my mom and I heard her. And she said, "Oh, you you do know that your daughter may go blind, don't you?"

[00:07:39]And I can remember hearing her and I thought, "Oh God, I wish I hadn't have heard that. Because all that night I was like thinking, oh, God, when when am I going to go blind? And you don't realize, but when you because I couldn't speak properly, so you're just reading people's faces all the time. So, whenever people are coming up to the bed, I was looking at them thinking, what are they looking at me in a good way or a bad way? Is my mom looking at me in a good way or a bad way? And obviously my mom would look really worried and my dad looked really worried and so did Tom.

[00:08:06]But, um yes, I I ended up going back home, thankfully. And I don't know how long I was in there. I was in there for quite a bit, I think.

[00:08:14]Went back home and then I had a seizure at home and it was whilst I was asleep in in bed and my hand went into a fist really tight, but I had long nails like this, so it hurt my hand and it woke me up.

[00:08:28]But, then I had a seizure and I was awake whilst I had the seizure and Tom obviously called the ambulance again.

[00:08:34]They come out and they said, right, we'll get you to a hospital.

[00:08:37]And they gave me a drug called phenytoin to stop it. But, phenytoin's good, apparently, to stop it, but it also, when you try and get off phenytoin, can cause seizures. So, I went on to have more when I came back home.

[00:08:50]So, that then I was classed with having epilepsy then cuz if you have more than one, apparently, you're classed with having having epilepsy. And like I said, my seizures were when I were awake.

[00:09:00]And I can remember having one and I was in on the ground and Tom knew to put me in like the the position like that, but I twisted and my face was in the rug and I couldn't breathe. And little things like this were awful. It was horrendous. You couldn't I couldn't tell him, obviously, that I couldn't breathe and he didn't know cuz it was all new to him as well.

[00:09:21]Um so, yeah.

[00:09:23]Uh that were went on for quite some time. Um there was one time when I went to the local park with a friend and my little baby, well, she was she was toddling along then and and um uh she was in like the little thing and I felt a strangeness come over me and I thought I need to get get out, but luckily my friend knew what to do.

[00:09:42]And I fell to the floor. And um, I can remember having a having a seizure and I can remember looking round and everybody was saying, "Put her on her back. Put her on her back." And I didn't know, well, do now that you're not supposed to put her on the back. And somebody phoned an ambulance and then I looked over and I saw a guy filming me on his mobile.

[00:10:00]And I just thought, "Okay. All right."

[00:10:03]But all whilst it was going on but I can remember what saying saying him. Anyway, luckily my friend knew what to do. And she got me into the position where I was safe and I wasn't bumping myself or anything and uh then got taken to hospital again and then I can remember being in hospital on New on Christmas Eve and a lovely lady in the in the ward with me was singing hymns to me, which was lovely.

[00:10:25]And I I can remember just thinking, "If I ever get out of this, I'm never ever going to live the same. I'm just going to really really enjoy life and go for it and really appreciate what I've got."

[00:10:36]And uh, yeah, I did come home. I think I think I come home on Christmas Day. I think I came home home on Christmas Day.

[00:10:43]And so I got time with the family, which was great. Um, but we went private to get the drugs sorted out because the drugs that I was taking weren't helping. The it won't Well, I won't just wasn't settling on, you know, to stop the seizures. And the guy that I went to see said it's it's going to take some time. He says, "You're going to have to work out what your triggers are."

[00:11:06]And I thought, "Oh, great." Anyway, they they tried me on um, Keppra and Tegretol, which is what I'm on now. So, Keppra and Tegretol and that's the ones that have worked for me, but I have to avoid my triggers. And I found out that my triggers are any stimulants, so all the good stuff that I loved, my coffee, chocolate. I love my Green & Black's chocolate and I love my coffee. Um, alcohol. I loved having getting giggly with my girlfriends and stuff, which I do miss now, but it's just not worth it, so it's a small price to pay. I have to take my tablets three times a day, and I just have to avoid any stimulants. Um And that's where I'm at now, but um yeah, during the time when it was all going off, um trying to settle on the drugs and things, that's when Tom got me the um the laptop.

[00:11:55]And I started to sing because I thought maybe if I can go back to something that I love, it'll help. Because I was really down in the dumps cuz I couldn't walk bath my baby. I couldn't, you know, go out in the pram cuz we lived on a hill, and they were scared of me letting go of the pram if I had a seizure and things.

[00:12:11]So, it I I think singing was like a little friend, and it still is. It was something I turned to just to feel better, and it was really weird because you close your eyes and you remember feeling how you felt before you were poorly. That's what I mean about music therapy. It really, really did help, and really, I can remember I can remember in hospital, actually, having a a a physical feeling like if you get through this, you're going to live properly and and really like live your life to the full.

[00:12:40]And it's something that I don't know whether other people have had it that have have had a a bad illness or anything like that, that sort of physical surge in your body that God, you're really going to appreciate life. And little things like this is going to sound silly, but when I came back home, I just had time to relax, and like I was noticing things more. So, I'd notice the birds outside. I'd notice the rabbits running around. I'd notice things more, and I'd just have time to like just chill and like relax and get better cuz that's all I could do. I could I had no choice.

[00:13:14]That's all I could do. But I was noticing things more, and um and obviously enjoying the simple pleasures of life, you know, like music, which is available to everybody.

[00:13:24]Um Mom and Dad brought me their vinyl collection, which is very treasured. So, I was very honored because um, mom, bless her, she wrote down like in a little book all of the vinyls that she'd bought along the way. Dad had a massive collection and he had a collection when he was like a mod. A collection of the record players when he lived in the pubs, they don't have the centers in them and things.

[00:13:45]And I just went through them all and me dad was saying, "Why don't you sing this? Why don't you sing Heaven Must Have Sent You by The Elgins?" And da da da.

[00:13:52]And I just started to sing and then people started singing, "Ah, why don't you sing this one?" And it just became a bit of a community and I thought, "I like this. I really enjoy it." But first, it was just for me.

[00:14:03]As a bit of a like a a self-healing thing, like a a medication thing.

[00:14:08]And then it just ended up being a lovely community and it still is a fantastic community of people, all enjoying music, all sharing stories.

[00:14:18]People that is poorly now turning to music and and just just for like even if it's like a minute of like rest or relaxation or just to think back or remember a memory or that sort of thing cuz I got with the band, um, which was great and then unfortunately, me mom got poorly and me mom ended ended up with three strokes at the age of 60.

[00:14:40]So, that hurt me more than any ever. So, I stopped the band and they waited for me.

[00:14:48]>> [laughter] >> Waited 5 years until I decided to come back, but I just couldn't sing, um, at the time because most of the songs were like songs that I remembered me mom dancing to in the kitchen with her socks on and things like that and she ended up quite poorly with having three strokes. She's now in a a wheelchair.

[00:15:06]She can't dance anymore. She dances with a finger, bless her.

[00:15:10]She still enjoys music and stuff and we have a singing sing song together, which is lovely, but for at that time, I mean, I could remember was trying to sing Love Really Hurts Without You, uh, by Billy Ocean And that's my mom's song. That's the one that my mom danced to and I can remember doing She used to do the cool northern soul dance to it.

[00:15:31]And I I thought I can't sing that. It's just I'm just going to be smiling on stage and inside my heart's breaking.

[00:15:38]But then I went to see my mom and my mom said got hold of my hand and she went, "Don't give up your singing."

[00:15:43]And that's all I needed for her to say, "Don't give up your singing." And I thought, "Right, if I've got that from my mom, I'm not going to give it up." Because it was making me miserable not singing and and not I still was listening to music but I wasn't singing and I wasn't I missed my friends in the band and I missed gigging and stuff.

[00:15:59]And now I'm back with it. I just love it more than ever.

[00:16:02]And my mom's okay, you know, she's in a care home but she's okay now. She's settled now. And she's a strong lady.

[00:16:09]Hell of a strong lady. I mean, if if I just want to be half as strong as she is, she's one fantastic lady, I tell you, but um yeah, she's solid. Um and she's, you know, she's the one that got me into music, sending me taking me to the auditions and things and right when I was 9 year old, taking me to the auditions and yeah. So, I owe a lot to both mom and dad, really, and and all the family.

[00:16:34]But yeah, I just wanted to share that with you. It's been a bit of a long long video.

[00:16:39]Um but uh yeah, it just goes to show good things can come out of bad things. I mean, not for everybody, I'm saying. I mean, there are people that have been a lot more seriously ill than I have but I just wanted to share my story and my journey, what happened to me. Like I say, I was very lucky it wasn't cancer. Not everybody's that lucky.

[00:17:00]Um but I'm not, you know, I just I just don't give throw that away, that opportunity that I've had, you know, I'm living life to the full now and really just sharing sharing the love with people and just being kind to other people. Because if you give kindness out, you do get it back.

[00:17:18]And not suffering fools, you know, just don't associate with people that are just not very nice. Just surround yourself by people that are lovely.

[00:17:26]And enjoy the music.

[00:17:29]So, yeah.

[00:17:31]I hope you've enjoyed this video. And I hope I haven't babbled on too long. And I just thought I'd share you a little bit more of my story. All right, so bye for now. Bye.