Former NEET Becomes Sick From Germs at Work and Becomes Lonely

Added: 2026-05-30

[00:00:00]So today I did not go to work because I feel extremely sick. I don't know what I have. I'm suspecting that it's strep throat because aside from a fever, it's just been my throat that has been hurting an insane amount. And I'm assuming that that's what it is because I don't know what's going on here. Now I can go to the doctor and I'll just get a doctor's note. So, it's fine for keeping my job, but not having a day where I can make money never feels great. And also, having some sort of illness that you know 100% you picked up from working is not fun either, but it is what is happening in my case.

[00:00:49]So, I just have to kind of bear through it and just push on through.

[00:00:55]But, you know, I might, you know, I think I might hit up my friend Dar today for VC because I haven't talked to him in a while. I talked to No Thank you on his live stream. If you guys saw that, you me and No Thank You. We did a big live stream together. Talked about all kinds of topics. So, people want to hear more of me, they've got it right there.

[00:01:19]But I am honestly just trying to like push through the pain of being sick. You know, I used to talk on this channel about how I liked being sick.

[00:01:36]I said this many times. I thought that being sick was a kind of change in consciousness that creates curious state of minds that are unusual and distinct.

[00:01:49]But obviously I have been sick a number of times by now. I know what it's like.

[00:01:55]So it's not unique or novel or interesting. It's just painful.

[00:02:02]I I just have to wait it out. I have to wait through it. But I want to thank everybody who sent me messages of support on that previous video. It really means a lot to me. I was reading through it just today, this morning, and everything everybody said, it made me feel a lot better. So, thank you. Um, but to be honest, lately I've just been extremely lonely.

[00:02:33]um just been trying to push through it. I don't know what it is. It's like like a crushing kind of loneliness I've been feeling.

[00:02:44]Looking back, I think that's besides looking for Spanish speakers. Obviously, that's one of the main reasons why I reopened Discord. I reopened Matrix just today, even though I have some skepticism of that platform. you know.

[00:03:03]So now I have Signal Matrix, Discord X, whatever people want to message me on. I just I need people to talk to. I don't even care who it is at this point. It's just anybody who wants to talk to me pretty much.

[00:03:20]But I felt kind of disheartened by the fact that I put that out there. And you know, in the past, a bunch of people would add me, but then, you know, I put it out there this time and nobody I mean, it was like three people. Three people added me and it's like in the past I I would get so many, you know, as soon as I put it out there. Um, but I think it's because I've gone through Discord accounts so many times that it's like, well, why would I take the risk of talking to this guy if he's just going to delete his account in a month? But I actually don't intend to. I keep it on a dedicated device. So I don't use it too much.

[00:04:04]Um but I usually have that device opened or set up, you know, where I can mess with it, you know, at different times of the day. But I um I've been extremely lonely, which is unusual for me. I don't usually get all that lonely. You know, normally I just have so many things to do in a day that I get really preoccupied with those things.

[00:04:31]You know, before I had a job, my schedule was packed. You know, I every single day I was doing so many [ __ ] things. And I always felt like I didn't have enough time in the world. You know, I'd worry about the ticking clock because I had so many [ __ ] things I wanted to do. and what felt like so little time in spite of the fact that I had full days, all I was ever doing was doing things.

[00:04:57]You know, I'm not the type of person that likes to take a moment and and rest. You know, I just always want to be doing things. Um especially things that take effort, you know, things that require your full attention, require you to think.

[00:05:13]Those are the kind of things I like to do.

[00:05:16]And so, um, I was doing that and, you know, having to run up all those stairs at my job has has been very fulfilling for me, too. Basically, the only fulfilling thing about that job because I [ __ ] hate that job, even though it's uh better than all the other ones I've had by comparison.

[00:05:37]You know, I love running up those stairs because I have a lot of experience running good stamina from the practice.

[00:05:46]So, my heart doesn't even really start racing when I'm running like that because I have good control of blood flow from having done it so many times.

[00:05:57]But I um I [ __ ] man I don't know.

[00:06:08]I you know besides talking to no thank you and a couple friends I got and you know those guys aren't always around.

[00:06:16]It's like they can't you know be around talking to me all the time.

[00:06:21]I just feel lonely as hell.

[00:06:26]I and it's unusual. I mean, maybe it's because of the physical pain from being sick.

[00:06:32]Maybe I've entered a new era in my life where I need more socialization.

[00:06:38]Maybe it's just one of those times, right?

[00:06:41]But whatever the reason may be, it's how I feel. And at the same time, I have all this going on, I also feel this need to connect with people, to learn about them, and for some kind of support.

[00:07:02]I think, you know, even just small things like seeing what people had to say in response to that video, it's like it has the power, it has so much power to make me feel better.

[00:07:19]You know, long ago, I I used to think I was indifferent to praise or or words of support.

[00:07:28]But maybe that was just the period of my life that I was in. Now, I'm talking about years ago. Or maybe it had something to do with my self-concept getting in the way.

[00:07:40]But as the years have gone on, I just I end up being really comforted by the presence of others, even if it's just digital.

[00:07:50]And I seem to be, you know, falling into this thing where I want to be around other people, but the people I have aren't always there. And you can't expect them to be, you know, as everybody has their own lives. cuz I know what that's like because I have a lot of solitary hobbies and things that I like to do on my own projects as well.

[00:08:16]But I just I don't know.

[00:08:22]I just I want friendship.

[00:08:26]I want to see the world, to see other people.

[00:08:31]Love. I don't know if that's going to happen, but it's something I want.

[00:08:38]This is this is the world that I'm living in.

[00:08:43]And I I'm sitting here with all of these strepthroat symptoms just working through the thoughts in my mind trying to put everything together.

[00:08:57]It's a strange situation.