Love Is Blind UK2 #11 (Food Fight) Therapist Reacts

Added: 2026-06-02

[00:00:00]Hey deserving listeners, love is blind.

[00:00:01]Let's check it out.

[00:00:02]>> For me, this it is a treat, but I would tend to stay away from it because it is high and fat and quite I don't know calorific as well.

[00:00:11]>> What What was it like shopping with your ex?

[00:00:14]>> We were very individualized where I would buy my bits and she would buy hers.

[00:00:18]>> All right. So, they're at the grocery store. This is a developing theme, I think, in their relationship about him being particular about things, including food and what he eats. And his narrative is he's in the military, so I don't know if that's an influence. I think he said his dad was in the military, too, so maybe he was raised that way. Not everyone in the military is regimented in all aspects, but you know it it it does tend to attract that sort of person and it can cultivate that in people, right? Or beat it into them depending on the military experience. Earlier for her, for Ashley, she seemed to be just kind of noticing a difference between the two of them. Now, she seems to be getting a little annoyed. The way that she asked that question, like, how did you deal with this with your exes? I think that's her indirect way or her way of exploring like I how is this going to work? But from the outside it doesn't look concerning.

[00:01:21]Uh a lot of people have particularities around their diet. He is saying that he would consider Brie to be a treat. And sure, you know, uh if you're not like that, I'm not like that.

[00:01:37]I love bree and baguette sandwiches and butter, you know, butter, bri and baguette and uh what do they put at the French bakery? They they'll put like uh turkey or chicken capers. My mouth is watering. And um uh cranberry. Anyway, my mouth is water.

[00:01:57]Uh when I was in France, the thing I ate every day was fresh baguettes with butter and brie. It's just like heaven.

[00:02:08]So that's me. If I was married to him, then I would just eat all the brie. Like I don't care if my partner eats exactly the thing that I eat, right? It now. And he's saying, well, with previous partners, we each would get our own food, you know, and people have different values around that. I I would just suspect that among all the things that you're looking for in a partner in terms of attachment and love and attraction and compatibility and dedication and loyalty and personality that you can work around this one. It's it's not cuz I don't think he's particular about other things. Uh I think he was particular about a couple other things but yeah uh so yeah let's see what happens here >> because I am a snacker and if it's there I will eat it. Diet goes out the window at Christmas. That's That's when I can eat what I want.

[00:02:57]>> Your diet might go out the window with me.

[00:02:59]>> Yeah. And so he's talking about his preference and he says, "I'm a snacker, so if it's there, I'll eat it." Which is me, too. In fact, I told my wife a long time ago that if there are chips in the house, I'm going to eat them. So, she has to hide them. I know where she hides them, but in my mind, it's like, well, that's her drawer, and so I just don't go there. uh uh even though it's not really hidden. Exactly. But uh he is he's saying that it it's hard for him to control himself. So he doesn't want things in the house. Now, you know, maybe he should in this moment say, "But I, you know, I don't want to impose my particularities and you know, there's something we can work out about it." But then uh she says, "Your diet might go out the window with me." Why would she say that?

[00:03:50]She I don't know what's going on with her now. You know, is it normal for someone to want to share meals, to have that culture, to have that routine, you know, to have that together? It's a big deal to a lot of people to have that.

[00:04:07]So, that's normal. But, I don't know, there just seems to be something kind of dominant or forceful or rigid about her.

[00:04:14]I mean, he's rigid about himself, but he's not saying to Is he saying to her?

[00:04:19]I don't know. Let's meaning is he saying you can't let Brie or chips into the house that kind of thing. He's not really saying that, but it might be implied. Anyway, let's see how they work this out.

[00:04:30]>> I eat a certain way when it comes to my diet. I have to practice what I preach.

[00:04:34]I can't be telling soldiers to eat and train a certain way when I'm not doing it myself.

[00:04:39]>> Right. I didn't think of that. Yeah, that's his job is not only is he in the military, but he is a military fitness trainer, right? What was the exact physical trainer is the way he put it.

[00:04:52]So he's saying I have to practice what I preach. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:04:56]>> I don't need onions though. What for?

[00:04:59]>> On a weekly shop, I keep it quite simple and healthy of just maybe some sort of lean meat like mints or something. Um broccoli and then I have rice as well.

[00:05:08]But I would have the same thing every day.

[00:05:10]>> Yeah. With my >> I don't understand why they're conflicting. She's saying, "Let's get some onions." And he's saying, "Well, we don't eat onions. Let's just get simple thing. It's almost like I I I don't know. I I can't relate. If my wife was like, "Let's get some onions." And I wasn't interested in onions, I'd be like, "Yeah, let's get who cares? It's just onions." Uh we'll The other thing is is they're going shopping without understanding what they're shopping for.

[00:05:40]Uh they don't have a particular recipe in mind. They're just like, "Let's get supplies."

[00:05:46]and they already know that they have differences about their preferences. So, it's almost like a recipe for disaster.

[00:05:54]>> Not in a routine ever.

[00:05:56]>> You have me to cook for you when you get back.

[00:05:57]>> Well, that's what I'd love. But my god, if you're going to cook for me, but please don't cook for me. Broccoli, rice, >> rice, broccoli, and mint though.

[00:06:05]>> Mints. What's that? Is that is Is that ground beef? What is mints?

[00:06:12]>> I'm feeling a little bit uncomfortable.

[00:06:15]He's very structured and disciplined and particular on food and I don't want to completely change my diet to be super lean to fit all the needs of him because that doesn't suit me.

[00:06:26]>> Okay, then don't you can eat different things, you can cook different things. Again, I understand that you would want to have that together, but among all the things that you have together uh in a relationship, they they both are rigid in a different way. He's rigid about the limit. He you know, he's limited in terms of what he wants to eat and she's rigid about I need you to also, but he's kind of also saying that too. I wonder if this is a proxy war for the real war that they don't actually get along, that they don't like each other or something. Cuz you just think if you were in love, you would be like more careful about how you're approaching this very mundane topic.

[00:07:11]>> Now, this is where I will be shopping.

[00:07:15]>> Oh my god. Oh my god.

[00:07:17]>> So, now she's I think kind of trolling him in a sense.

[00:07:22]She's going to the cakes and she's saying, "Oh my god, oh my god." and she knows what he's going to say now. If he had any sense, he would say, "I love that for you." And yeah, let's get it. And uh maybe I'll eat it or maybe I won't.

[00:07:41]Like myself. I don't like cake.

[00:07:44]But but when I'm at the store, like grocery shopping by myself, I'll get Stacy some cake. Not for me, but for her, cuz I know she doesn't get it for herself. I would love to buy. For me, this h is heaven.

[00:07:58]>> And there's 840 in that. So, one of those slices is about 600 calories.

[00:08:05]>> Sorry, but I really don't.

[00:08:07]>> 600 calories of pure sugar. Yeah.

[00:08:11]They both are now trolling each other. I relate more to her than to him, but she's kind of doing it, too. Yeah. Oh, well, this puts their relationship to the test in a sense in their ability to be differentiated, meaning that you can hold on to your goals and your wants and your needs while balancing it with other people and considering other people. So, uh I don't know. They're joking, so maybe it won't be that big of a deal.

[00:08:37]>> If I'm feeling a little bit down and just want to pick me up, give me cake.

[00:08:42]>> It's probably the first time we've really had a large difference in opinion.

[00:08:48]Okay. I was wondering if this was the result of them fighting earlier about something else because sometimes that'll happen on the show. Like I remember with AD and Clay, they had this fight about soup and I remember thinking what happened between because they see she seems to hate him in this moment. She's judging him about the way he eats his soup. I don't understand. And then I heard from my contact on the show that they did have a massive fight on camera that they didn't show us and that Clay was body shaming her. If you remember that whole thing. So I was wondering if they had a fight because why the [ __ ] are you fighting about cake? Just if she wants cake, just let her have cake. Let them eat cake. I was justifying a lot of my reasonings why I wouldn't necessarily always go for what she would choose.

[00:09:38]We're both very independent people and I think when we come together we are going to clash at times. I'm not going to stop eating clean.

[00:09:47]>> It's honestly >> Yeah. I was wondering what the premise that they were operating from because I think what he's saying is I have a certain way of eating and I'm not going to impose that on you but I don't want you to impose it on me. And I think what she is saying is I'm I want you to eat differently, right? Because that's different. If if he's saying, "Look, live and let live, but I have my particular things. If you want to eat what I eat, that's great. But if you don't, then eat what you want." There there's evidence that he doesn't actually fully believe that cuz he's commenting. But I don't know why, you know, when she goes to the cake, he's like, "That's 600 calories of sugar." Is he saying for her because that's a thing or is he saying I'm not going to eat that for these reasons? Yeah. I I don't know. There's a different way to say it if that were true. But that was the theme coming into this conversation from previous conversations. It's easier to I think from the outside it's easier to relate to her because she's more flexible or something and fun and he seems less fun about what he's eating.

[00:10:58]But it really just so if I were there, if I were the couple therapist, I would ask them questions regarding why they are having this mini debate.

[00:11:12]is he's saying that he is just wanting to protect his diet and he just wants that boundary and and he doesn't want pressure or a requirement to change at least as they head into this phase of their relationship or is he saying you can't eat those things or I'm going to be quietly judging you or not quietly judging you if you eat what you're because no one wants that. You know what I mean? And for her, why does she want him to change? Is it because she's insecure about their relationship in general? Like she feels distanted from, you know, like she feels like he's distancing and this is just an easier thing to fight about. Or is she that or does she have this cultural notion that if you don't eat the same thing together every night that your relationship sucks? You know, it's a similar thing if people don't sleep together in the same bed. there's this cultural notion that your marriage is failing or you're horrible people or you're going to get divorced or something and that is simply just not true. Now, some research suggests that couples who sleep together tend to be happier and stay together longer, but I suspect that's because when because you can't draw causation, you can only draw correlation. And I suspect that among couples that are struggling, they're more likely not to sleep together in the same bed for a variety of reasons. And thus there is a slight association there. But I I wouldn't say it's causal. If you took a good marriage and for whatever reason, they just decided to sleep in sep, you know, cuz sometimes you have different shifts or one person snores a lot or some people like the window to be open or whatever and so you just sleep. So I I suspect that it's not a causal thing anyway or at least it's not a it's it would only be a slight factor for some couples. So I wonder if she has that sort of association and it's scaring her that they might have to eat different meals. And so I would want to explore all this because they're fighting this.

[00:13:12]This is the thing about coup therapy is people fight about things but that's not really what they're fighting about.

[00:13:16]They're fighting about other things.

[00:13:18]They might be fighting about this too, but they're something's fueling the fight in all likelihood. And I would wonder what that was.

[00:13:26]>> Kimmy feel quite anxious cuz Yeah. I don't know. I don't know why I'm actually getting a bit emotional. Yeah, this is quite big.

[00:13:36]>> Yeah. So, clearly this is more than cuz they're just shopping for like the week, right? It's it's not even their the rest of their relationship. So, I would wonder what those tears are cuz I'm guessing it's not I need him to eat cake. I'm guessing there's something else going on. Today's episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. And if you sign up, please use the link below because that really helps us out. It's the month of May, y'all. And May is mental health awareness month. So, along those lines, if something is keeping you up at night, you should know that you really don't have to face that alone. And having someone there for you to really hear you can make all the difference. And you know, take a second to check in with yourself. Is there something there that you're avoiding? Is there an issue that has become so habitually in the background that you don't even really see it anymore? Well, if there is something there, therapy can really help. And one place you can find a therapist is at BetterHelp. And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. So you don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/kirk.

[00:14:47]That's betterhp.com/kirk.

[00:14:50]>> Like I do feel like something's on my chest now.

[00:14:54]Is he able to compromise?

[00:14:58]I'm I'm not sure.

[00:14:59]>> Right. So is is he able to compromise?

[00:15:03]Okay. The food thing is one area of testing that. But how about all the other areas? if the other areas are fine or not and you're just fighting about the food because really you're worried about compromise regarding love and you know other kinds of things like with season 10 love is blind when you had uh Devonte and Britney and Britney would ask Devonte to be closer or compliment her and then he wouldn't then that's a red flag or a potential dealbreaker or an indicator of maybe not a good person to be with. So with the food with Ashley, if she says, "Well, if he can't compromise on this, is it fair to extrapolate from that?" I I don't think so because he is a fitness he's a professional fitness diet person in the military, you know. So, uh he's going to be particular about food whether he wants to or not. Anyway, so she is, you know, maybe extrapolating too much. Or is she not? Is this just the battleground for a larger general problem? Maybe we'll find out.

[00:16:13]>> On a weekly shop, I wouldn't buy it.

[00:16:15]>> You will see a few sweet treats in the basket.

[00:16:17]>> We will just have it in the cupboards for the sake of it.

[00:16:19]>> Sorry, I babe. I will be having it in the cupboards for the sake of it.

[00:16:22]>> Never.

[00:16:23]>> Okay.

[00:16:25]I thought he was going to respond differently given what I thought was happening. Okay. So he is saying what he was kind of saying earlier that I was wondering about that he's saying it's not allowed in the house. So you So they're both being rigid with each other. They both have different ideas about what they want in the house. She wants cake in the house. He doesn't want cake. They're both fine. If you relate to one or the other, then you're going to take sides. But there's nothing empirically morally wrong with either position. How they work it out is the key here. And they don't have to necessarily compro, you know, like we'll see that. In fact, a lot of people think that couple therapy is just helping people to compromise. That is not what couple therapy is. Couple therapy isn't like meet in the middle. I hear that a lot actually from people or even other clinicians that or I I'll even see couple therapy operate this way where every disagreement the assumption is the therapist it's their job to get them to 50/50 it you know to get right in the middle we have all this theory about this that goes back 60 years and anyway um that is not what couple therapy is that's nonsense because what if one person is ridiculous you have to meet them halfway to ridiculousness No, also it implies that both people have to give up things. There's a chance that neither one, like this is just off the top of my head, but if they each had their own fridge or something or drawer in the fridge or drawer, whatever, or uh you know, he if he has a hard time, why is he being rigid about is it because he's worried about his own health and he can't stop himself? Well, you know, maybe there's a answer to that. You could have It sounds ridiculous, but it's not uh insane to have her have a fridge or a portion of the kitchen cabinetry that is locked up that only she knows the combination to. That sounds ridiculous, but it could work, right? or she just knows to get snacks and eat them right away so that they don't sit around and tempt him or something like that. Now, how do you the thing? So, it's not compromise. It's not people meeting in the middle. It's how you uh differentiate. So, he has his wants, she has her wants. How do you stick with that because you want that? How do you evaluate whether or not you're being too rigid just because of habit? Right? Cuz you could see that. You could see the two of them just being used to having it a certain way and now they have to adjust to someone else. There's always going to be that thing, right? You know, the old thing of like, do you put the cup uh uh upright in the in the cupboard or upside down? And to me, it's obvious that you put it up. I don't Why would you put it upside down? I feel like when I was younger, I would put it upside down because I think the assumption was it that dust wouldn't get in. But I'm like, why is it dusty in your cabinetry?

[00:19:33]Plus, um, it when the lip touches the thing anyway, doesn't matter. Each of their own. Do you have the toilet paper cascading or tucked? Obviously cascading. That's just obvious. Anyway, just do you wipe standing up or sitting down? That's a thing. Think about that.

[00:19:52]Uh people always are surprised. I think it's like half and half. Anyway, um and there's always this question mechanically like you stand up. How does that work exactly? Let me demonstrate it. Anyway, um and I found that that difference has entirely to do with how you were potty trained, how your parents told you to do it the first time and then you just did it that way for the rest of your life. Anyway, so for in my family, we have this joke that cuz my dad did most of the potty training, I guess, and or at least this aspect of the potty training that uh he told us only use two squares of toilet paper. I think it was his way of of uh trying to uh catch us kids not using just like half the roll, you know? It's like zing.

[00:20:45]And so he he said two squares and when you're three years old that's probably enough because you know it's like two giant paper towel size relative to your small little butt you know but um me and my siblings I have three siblings uh as adults like you I don't know late in life maybe like in our 40s or something we would confer and say dad taught you the five the two square thing too. And like all of us were like, "Oh my god." So we make fun of my dad about that. Like my dad will be going to the bathroom at a restaurant be like, "Two squares, dad." And the uh uh the funny thing is is we all remember it and we all think about it every time or you know often you have this it's like every time I use toilet paper or not every time maybe every 10th time or something I'll I'll just have this little thought of like I'm using more than two squares.

[00:21:40]Now I have a bet which means I don't really need any toilet paper but you know a little dab will do you two squares you know anyway um so how do you communicate about it?

[00:21:54]It would have been more encouraging and more functional for him to say, "Look, here's my thing. And if I have to compromise on this to be in this relationship, I will. But here here's how I have emotions around things being in the house. Here's why. And I don't want to impose this on you. And I I I I realize that we're gonna live together, so there's going to be differences.

[00:22:19]But here's where I'm coming from, and let's talk about it. Her as well. She could have that approach as well, but they're not really. They're kind of just being rigid and they're almost kind of trolling each other. She's like, "Oh, look at this." You know, she's really playing out cuz she knows that it's going to bother him. And then he feels that energy. But anyway, so he just said it's Let's rewind that. What do you >> on a weekly shop? I wouldn't buy it.

[00:22:43]>> You will see a few sweet treats in the basket.

[00:22:46]>> We won't just have it in the car.

[00:22:47]>> Then he says, "We won't just have it for the sake of it." So he's saying I don't want it in the house just to have it around. And yeah, so that's that is saying what I was worried he was saying that he's saying it's not coming in the house. You can't have it, which it's really quite a statement, right?

[00:23:10]You know, again, if he has tremendous trauma or tremendous needs around this, like he's really compulsive about that being around and it really would ruin his life in a variety of ways, then you would just have a different way of approaching this. You know, I could see a another angle where he is like, "I am so sorry, but I have a problem with food and and so is it okay if you don't just if you only get it when you're going to eat it right away and or you you we have it out like if you and I are out and about and you get cake at a restaurant or something like that won't tweak me, you know, maybe there's even some kind of eating disorder that's happening here. some kind, you know, there's a lot of manifestations of it. So, yeah. So, yeah.

[00:23:57]Wow. This couple really turned a corner.

[00:24:00]The way they're talking, it's such a mundane issue, right? You know, it's important, but it's pretty mundane. And the way they're talking to each other is surprising and not encouraging.

[00:24:11]>> Always for the sake of it.

[00:24:12]>> Sorry, babe. I will be having it in the cupboards for the sake of it.

[00:24:14]>> Yeah. And then she escalates, "Sorry, I will have it." And he's like, "No, never." So, yeah.

[00:24:22]Wow. Yeah. This is interesting. The two of them are jerk faces. And as this cup says, don't be a jerk face. All right.

[00:24:32]Well, that does it for that episode of Psychology in Seattle. Everyone out there, please take care of yourself because you deserve it. You really really do.