Understanding Intergenerational Trauma | Sis. Melicia Dunchie | Family Life | May 24, 2026

Added: 2026-05-28

[00:00:00]healing and restoration. Many families um carry pain, broken patterns, struggles um from one generation to another. Um but through God's grace, the cycle those cycle can be broken.

[00:00:18]Amen.

[00:00:19]Um, we believe healing start when families choose love, forgiveness, communication, and faith over silence and division. And as we gathered um this evening, may every word shared, every prayer lifted, and every connection made bring strength, healing, and unity to our families and generation to come. So, thanks for coming and I know there are others coming in. So, we pray for their journey in mercies as we are um as we continue to be blessed by our program this evening. So, I'm going to hand it over to our doers who will be ushering us into um welcoming the Holy Spirit through singing. Thank you.

[00:01:15]Good evening everyone.

[00:01:17]So join us as we sing some choruses. I feel good, good, good.

[00:01:28]I feel good, good, good. I feel real wonderful. Good. Every time I talk about Jesus, I feel good, good, good. I feel good, good, good. I feel real wonderful, good. Every time I talk about Jesus, I feel good. Something in my heart, something in my heart. Like a stream running down.

[00:02:04]It makes me feel so happy. as happy as e.

[00:02:12]When I think of Jesus and what he has done for me, there is something in my heart like a stream running down.

[00:02:25]Something something in my heart like a stream >> running down.

[00:02:33]It makes me >> feel so happy, as happy as can be.

[00:02:40]When I think of Jesus and what he has done for me, there is something in my heart like a stream. It's coming down.

[00:02:53]It's coming down, down, down. It's coming down. Praise the Lord. When the glory of the Lord is coming down.

[00:03:05]Hallelujah.

[00:03:07]When the saints began to pray and the Lord shall have his way and the glory of the Lord is coming. What you think about Jesus? Let me hear you.

[00:03:21]>> What you think about Jesus?

[00:03:25]He's all I can't hear you. Come on. What you think about Jesus?

[00:03:32]He's all right.

[00:03:35]What you think about Jesus?

[00:03:38]He's all right.

[00:03:42]He's all right. All right. Oh, what you think about the father? What you think about the father?

[00:03:52]He's all right.

[00:03:56]What you think about the father?

[00:03:59]He's all right.

[00:04:02]What you think about the father?

[00:04:06]He's all right.

[00:04:09]He's all right. All you think about the Holy Spirit.

[00:04:16]>> What you think about the Holy Ghost?

[00:04:20]He's all right.

[00:04:23]What you think about the Holy Ghost?

[00:04:26]He's all right.

[00:04:30]What you think about the Holy Ghost?

[00:04:33]He's all right.

[00:04:37]He's all right. All right. All right.

[00:04:42]Oh, I'm going to lay down my burdens.

[00:04:47]>> Down high. Down by the river side.

[00:04:51]Down by the river side.

[00:04:54]>> Down by the river side. I'm going to lay down my burdens.

[00:05:02]Down by the river side. I'm going to study war no more.

[00:05:10]I ain't going to study war no more. I ain't going to study war no more. I ain't going to study war no more. I ain't going to study war no more. I ain't going to study war no more. I ain't going to study war.

[00:05:35]>> Stand up and tell me if you love my Jesus.

[00:05:40]>> Stand up and tell me if you love my Jesus.

[00:05:47]Stand up and tell me if you love my Lord.

[00:05:54]I want to know if you love my Jesus.

[00:06:01]I want to know if you love my Lord and let me know.

[00:06:07]>> Clap hands and tell me if you love my Jesus.

[00:06:14]Clap hands and tell me if you love my Lord.

[00:06:21]I want to know if you love my Jesus.

[00:06:28]I want to know if you love.

[00:06:32]>> Shake hands and let me know.

[00:06:35]>> Shake hands and tell me if you love my Jesus.

[00:06:42]Shake hands and tell me if you love my Lord.

[00:06:49]I want to know if you love my Jesus.

[00:06:56]I want to know if you love my Jesus.

[00:07:03]>> Sit down and tell me if you love my Jesus.

[00:07:10]Sit down and tell me if you love my Lord.

[00:07:17]I want to know if you love my Jesus.

[00:07:24]I want to know if you love my Lord.

[00:07:39]>> Mia Good evening everyone.

[00:07:55]>> The task is ours to welcome you to our day two of the break in the cycle, healing families across all generations.

[00:08:03]Is there any visitors greasing our presence today?

[00:08:08]Okay, I'm going to let it be more inclusive. Is there anyone that was not at yesterday's program here with us today?

[00:08:17]>> Okay. All right. I see that everyone was here with us. It was a blessing.

[00:08:23]>> Well, that means that we have one duty to do >> for the next time we meet. Everybody needs to take a visitor with them. Okay.

[00:08:34]Now regular members, thank you for coming this evening. If you were not here, the program would not be a success. As we worship together and are informed of this evening's program, let us be reminded that as Christians, we are all given the opportunity to be a part of the family of God.

[00:08:55]In Matthew 12:46-50, while Jesus was speaking to the multitudes, his mother and brother stood outside and sought to speak with Jesus.

[00:09:06]Then one said to him, "Look, your brothers are standing outside seeking to speak with you." But Jesus replied, >> "Who is my mother and who are my brothers?" Then he stretched out his hands to his disciples and said, Yeah, >> here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my father in heaven is my mother sorry is my brother and sister and mother.

[00:09:37]>> We we as Jesus's disciples are his true family and I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God.

[00:09:48]>> So let us sing our welcome song as we greet each other.

[00:09:52]Smile everybody. Smile everybody. Smile everybody. Smile.

[00:10:01]Smile. Everybody smile. Everybody smile.

[00:10:07]Everybody smile.

[00:10:10]Let us greet somebody in Jesus name. Let us tell them that we love them in Jesus name. Tell them we can work together in Jesus name. Everybody smile.

[00:10:25]Jesus loves you. Everybody smile.

[00:10:29]Jesus loves you. Smile. Everybody smile.

[00:10:35]Everybody smile. Everybody smile.

[00:10:40]Smile. Everybody smile. Everybody smile.

[00:10:46]Everybody smile.

[00:10:48]Let us greet somebody in Jesus name. Let us tell them that we love them in Jesus name. Tell them we can work together in Jesus name. Everybody smile.

[00:11:03]Jesus loves you. Everybody smile.

[00:11:08]Jesus loves you.

[00:11:17]Thank you.

[00:11:25]Good evening and blessings everyone.

[00:11:29]>> It's our privilege to enter the throne room of God at this time. So let us assume an a position of prayer and let us pray.

[00:11:47]There is power in the name of Jesus.

[00:11:56]Break every chain. Break every chain. To break every chain.

[00:12:09]Aba. Our father, our wonderful, loving, gracious, eternal, merciful heavenly father.

[00:12:24]We come unto you at this time knowing that you are the most high God knowing that you are clothed in majesty and splendor and that you gird yourself with light as with a garment.

[00:12:42]Knowing that there is none like you, oh God.

[00:12:47]You, oh Lord, who has made the heavens and the earth by your great power.

[00:12:55]>> You, oh God, who has loved us with an everlasting love.

[00:13:02]You who upholds the multiverse, not just our universe.

[00:13:09]Oh Lord, you who provides for every living creature, you who has demonstrated your love for us unequivocally by giving us Jesus.

[00:13:28]Jesus, the name above all names.

[00:13:35]Jesus who walked upon this earth as one of us.

[00:13:42]Jesus who was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

[00:13:49]Jesus who was uh falsely accused.

[00:13:58]Jesus who was mistreated and humiliated.

[00:14:06]Jesus who was wounded for our transgressions.

[00:14:11]Who was bruised for our iniquity.

[00:14:14]Upon whom is the chastisement of our peace and with whose stripes we are we are healed.

[00:14:27]Praises be unto Jesus. Praises be unto you, oh God.

[00:14:35]Thank you for what you have done for us.

[00:14:39]Thank you for the grace, mercy, and p and and blessings of this day.

[00:14:49]Thank you, dear Father, that nothing that concerns us escapes you. For not only do you hold the universe in place, but you are such a God who is so tender and compassionate and caring and sensitive and attentive that you not only know each strand of our hair, the hair upon our head, but you know the number of every one of the billions of people that you have created.

[00:15:26]What a God you are.

[00:15:30]Father, may we know you as you may be known.

[00:15:36]Our Father, tonight as we are here in Jesus mighty name, we accept what is ours. that in the name of Jesus, every broken heart is healed.

[00:15:58]That in the name of Jesus, every prison is opened. That in the name of Jesus, every captive is set free.

[00:16:12]Thank you, heavenly father, for doing for us what we could never do for ourselves.

[00:16:21]And now we ask that your blessed Holy Spirit will have his free reign in this place. That participants and presenters alike will be blessed. that your will may be done, oh dear God, that you may be glorified in your children.

[00:16:43]And Father, we pray that each and every one of us bowing before your presence may personally know the love of Christ which passes knowledge that we may be full of the fullness of you, oh God. What a privilege.

[00:17:06]And we pray in the name of Jesus our savior, our Lord at which every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Praises. Amen.

[00:18:01]Scripture reading for this evening focus will come from Psalms 42:E5 and I'm reading from the New International Version.

[00:18:15]Why my soul are you cast down?

[00:18:20]Why so disturbed within me?

[00:18:25]Put your hope in God for I will yet praise him my savior and my father. This is the word of the Lord.

[00:19:09]All right. At this time, may we stand for our theme song.

[00:19:52]You see the pain behind our smiles, the words we lost through time. You see the tears we never show, the wounds we try to hide. But you, oh Lord, are near the broken. You men the hearts that flee.

[00:20:13]So we lay our home before you. Only you know what we need.

[00:20:19]>> Touch the places we can reach. Only you can make us free.

[00:20:33]Heal my family, Lord. Bring your peace again.

[00:20:40]Where there's chaos, let there be cal.

[00:20:45]Where there's hurt, let love remain.

[00:20:50]Heal my family, Lord. Let for rain. Only you can turn the pain.

[00:21:05]Every memory that brings the a wall we try to filling every line with your mercy.

[00:21:19]Every child, every father, every mother's silent pray.

[00:21:26]>> Lift us higher to your altar. Let your healing fill the air.

[00:21:34]the places >> we can reach.

[00:21:38]>> Only you can make us free.

[00:21:47]>> You're my family, Lord.

[00:21:51]>> Your peace again.

[00:21:54]>> There's chaos. Let there be. When there's hurt, >> where there's hurt, >> let love my heal my >> heal my >> only you.

[00:22:14]>> Every broken piece you make, every silent cry you console. You are healing every soul.

[00:22:31]>> You are healing every soul.

[00:22:37]>> I heal my soul.

[00:22:40]>> You are healing.

[00:22:44]>> You are healing every soul.

[00:22:54]My family Lord, >> bring your peace again.

[00:23:00]>> Where there's chaos, let there be cal.

[00:23:04]When it's hurt, >> when will my family Lord for turn you my Only you only >> heal my family and make us one again.

[00:24:03]Guess you may be seated.

[00:24:10]I almost said happy Sabbath.

[00:24:14]That's one of those things. Say again.

[00:24:16]Oh, it's happy Sunday.

[00:24:19]All right. Good evening again, everyone.

[00:24:22]Let me add my quote of welcome to uh this evening's uh meeting. Um it's been a fantastic series so far. Would you agree?

[00:24:32]>> All right. Absolutely. And the privilege is mine to introduce to you our speaker uh that will be uh presenting this evening and engaging with us uh during this session. Her name is Sister Melissa Dunie.

[00:24:52]>> And um I must say we have a long history.

[00:24:57]Uh I met Melissa first um many years ago. Maybe it was 2004 that I met her. And um I can't recall the first meeting, but I do know that we shared a couple classes at university. And one thing that was always distinct about her is that she's always she always carried herself very respectfully as a very decent young lady. Um 100% for sure. And we did a few classes together. And then uh I saw her walking with this young lady that was the most beautiful young lady I've ever seen.

[00:25:35]>> And I was like, "Wow, interesting."

[00:25:39]And um that person turned out to be Relle.

[00:25:44]And during the course of the years, throughout the years, she has been a faithful friend uh of Rashelle and to her family and a wonderful blessing of course. Uh she is married to pastor Kurt Dun Dunie and he's a friend of ours, a friend of mine as well, friend of the family and together they have three lovely children, two boys and a girl.

[00:26:09]Melissa has distinguished herself wherever she has been uh in her in her uh personal life uh in the way that she has served the church as well in her capacity there in Ontario and in her profess professional life. She has a deep passion for mental health and using biblical principles to promote uh true holistic healing. And this has led her to become uh co-founder of resiliency house counseling and consultancy which is a Christian private practice specializing in counseling etc. And God knows we need that here in Canada. Would you agree? She's a registered psychotherapist and a certified clinical trauma professional. That is something I just learned. I didn't know that before.

[00:26:57]I I heard that yesterday. And I ask you to breathe in your hearts a special prayer for her. Uh that God will use her once again as she presents and that um the words that proceed from her mouth will be a blessing and will be a means through which God will help the healing of our families. God bless you. And uh just before Melissa comes though, I think we will have a song of meditation from Sister Young.

[00:27:25]Yes. Song of meditation after which we will have Melissa. Thank you.

[00:27:56]Yes.

[00:28:03]>> Good evening everyone.

[00:28:29]There is no problem too big. God cannot solve it.

[00:28:37]it.

[00:28:39]There is no mountain too tall. He cannot move it.

[00:28:48]There is no storm too dark. God cannot come it.

[00:28:58]There is no sorrow too deep. He cannot sue it.

[00:29:07]If he carries the weight of the world upon his shoulders.

[00:29:18]I know my brother that he can carry you if he carries the weight of the world upon his shoulders.

[00:29:37]I know my sister that he will carry you.

[00:29:46]He said, "Come unto me all that are we and I will give you rest."

[00:30:08]Oh, there is no problem too big. God cannot solve it.

[00:30:24]There is no mountain too tall.

[00:30:28]He cannot move it.

[00:30:33]And there is no storm too dark. God cannot come it.

[00:30:43]And there is no sorrow too deep. He cannot soo it.

[00:30:52]If he carries the weight of the world upon his shoulders.

[00:31:03]I know my brother that he can carry you if he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders.

[00:31:23]I know my sister that he can carry you.

[00:31:30]Oh, if he carries the weight of the world upon his shoulders.

[00:31:41]I know. I know. I know. He can carry you.

[00:31:51]Since he carries the weight of the world upon his shoulders.

[00:32:02]I know my sister that he can carry you.

[00:32:10]He can carry you.

[00:32:15]He can carry you.

[00:32:46]Evening everyone.

[00:32:49]Bear with me one moment.

[00:32:53]Thank you all for coming back. Um, yesterday was wonderful and I had lots of energy yesterday and then I went home and I just had the most intense migraine all of today. So, um I'm not 100% but God was so good. Around 4:00 the headache lifted.

[00:33:20]>> Um so I am thanking Jesus for that. Um thank you Leon for that wonderful introduction. Um Leon feels like family.

[00:33:33]Uh I have a small group of friend family.

[00:33:37]We've traveled through what seems like different versions of ourselves and somehow we are still here together. So to God be the glory.

[00:33:53]Also um I must say that you know leaving my family behind I thought I would be much more excited but then this today I had my son say come and I just I was I was just a mess.

[00:34:12]So um I thank my husband who is probably watching for taking care of our children while I'm here with you. um he understands our passion. We have shared passion for mental health. Um and so I'm glad that he's able to do that. So today, um before I get into today, I just want to say I was so happy with the young people yesterday. When you guys left, they were fully engaged.

[00:34:48]um even the tiny ones, you know, they had questions. Some were asking about their friends at school and other had more heavy questions. And so, um I think for me, I left with um just the the understanding that they too have this great need for mental health awareness, understanding of themselves, even just understanding their own emotions and what to do. And I hope that's an indication for you that there's work to be done there for you as well. All right. So, um the question was asked earlier about who those who were here yesterday seemed like everyone was here.

[00:35:32]Um and some that that was not my initial initial plan. Um I I had tailored yesterday to youth. So there are some things I might just kind of go over but won't go in depth because we would have covered some of it yesterday.

[00:35:54]So we went through some of this. This is just an overview of what we're going to be touching on today.

[00:36:00]Um I I was a bit um torn as to where to start um whether to read one of my newly discovered favorite chapter in the Bible um because it spoke to me and I think that's where I'm going to start today.

[00:36:25]I'm going to start with the chapter. So, do you have your Bibles?

[00:36:30]I didn't. I had to borrow. I had to borrow one. Thank God. All right. So, if you do have your Bibles, I want you to turn with me to Psalm 42 and we're going to read it through.

[00:36:50]Let me know when you are ready because I think even Psalm 42 to as far as 46 47 is a great manual for us. So let's start.

[00:37:08]As the deer pants for the waterbrooks, so pants my soul for you, oh God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? When shall I come? Sorry. My tears have been my food day and night.

[00:37:30]While they continually say to me, "Where is your God?"

[00:37:35]When I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go with the multitude. I went with them to the house of God with the voice of joy and praise.

[00:37:49]with a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.

[00:37:53]Why are you cast down, oh my soul, and why are you disqued within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance, oh my God, my soul is cast down within me.

[00:38:13]Therefore, I will remember you from the land of Jordan, from the heights of Hermon, and from the hill of Misar.

[00:38:23]Deep calls onto deep at the noise of your waterfalls, and all your waves and billows have gone over me. The Lord will command his loving kindness in the daytime, and in the night his song shall be in me, a prayer to the God of my life.

[00:38:41]I will say to God, my rock, why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning before the oppression of my enemy?

[00:38:53]As with a breaking of my bones, my enemies reproach me while they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?

[00:39:02]Why are you cast down, oh my soul? And why are you disqued within me? hope in God for I shall yet praise him the help of my countenance and my God.

[00:39:18]I was having a very difficult time and I read this psalm and somehow having read it many times before it really didn't resonate as much as it did in that moment because here the psalmist well it it's like he's talking to himself or better yet he's talking to his soul. It's like what's going on? Why are you so low within me?

[00:39:49]And it's just that repetition, agony.

[00:39:52]You know, when we are in agony, and we're like, Mel, what's going on? Why do you feel so heavy, so low, right? And then the answer each time it's almost a affirmation, >> right?

[00:40:15]He has the answer. Like logically, he knows.

[00:40:19]You know what to do. But sometimes you got to tell yourself. You got to tell your soul. And what does he say?

[00:40:32]Yes. Yes. Hope in God.

[00:40:36]Praise him. And then what? He will help.

[00:40:43]Right. So he even says you know like in the moments when he is not talking to himself it's like he turned and he said my God right my soul is cast down. It's it's saddened. It's heavy. It's like I'm talking to myself but now I'm like Lord don't you see? And then he comes in and he says, "Therefore, I will remember."

[00:41:17]So it's like there are times when we just have this heaviness.

[00:41:25]And what he's showing us here is that we can be vulnerable. We are allowed to take our anger, our frustration, our agonies to God. And we can also know all the things.

[00:41:42]We can know what God can do. But he still allows room and space for you to say, "Hey, I know where you have taken me in the past. I see that I am in Canada and I have a wonderful family and I have the wonderful car and the job, but my soul is still heavy and I still carry all these things.

[00:42:09]So God, do you not see that? And God says, what?

[00:42:15]And he gives us the formula.

[00:42:18]Remember what God has done for you.

[00:42:21]Think about what he'll do for you in the day, in the night, right? He says, "In the daytime, right? The Lord will command his loving kindness and in the night time he shall be with me."

[00:42:39]So you can I think why this speaks to me so greatly is because a lot of times as Christians we feel as though because we love the Lord with all our hearts. There is no room for the things that no one else see. the beautiful dress, the praise the Lord, the pains, the trauma that lives deep within us in our DNA.

[00:43:12]But God sees, he gives us the formula.

[00:43:15]And it's so ironic because these kinds of formula also is supported by research in secular world.

[00:43:24]having hope, thinking on positive things, right?

[00:43:31]Affirmation, repetition, right? All of these things.

[00:43:38]And so I wanted to touch on that um as I move through today's presentation.

[00:43:46]Remember, hope in God, praise him even even if it's just on the inside. Right?

[00:43:56]And he will be your help.

[00:44:00]So um we wanted to touch on briefly just the Bible and what it thinks about trauma, right? The Bible full of stories as we know cuz we have read so many stories of traumatic circumstances.

[00:44:18]Tamar, Hagar, Joseph, and Job.

[00:44:25]I don't know how many times I've read through the book of Job because I'm like, I get it and I don't. We We can think that we get Job, but we really can't even, >> you know, um, and yet he was raw and vulnerable.

[00:44:44]But God came to his help, right? And so we know that the Bible is not shy about being raw and vulnerable and transparent and also showing how we should be approaching these things. He never promised that this life would be one without trauma and pain. And that is because it's written right here in the words, right? And so if you take away anything from this evening's presentation, I hope you will go home and you will read through from Psalm 42-47 and just see how is it resonates with you and what you can take away as a template for how to handle your pain.

[00:45:35]>> So we're here again. We're going to touch on it briefly. If there's anyone that wasn't here yesterday and we where we touched on trauma and what it is, actually, how about somebody share what they remember from what we talked about yesterday about what trauma is in your own words and I will call on people.

[00:46:03]Anyone remember in your own words your reaction? Thank you. Anything else?

[00:46:13]The effect of an experience. So, not the traumatic experience itself, but actually what it does to you, right? So, it may be a one-time occurrence.

[00:46:24]Yesterday, we spoke about different types, right? And we also touched on the fact that one person can be experiencing many of those types of trauma trauma. Um and so it may be a one-time occurrence or a series of occurrence and people across different um experiences.

[00:46:48]It may move on to other generations. So that what we touched on yesterday was intergenerational trauma. And that's where we're going to focus today. That's the aim of today's presentation.

[00:47:01]So, who remembers without reading exactly what's on the slide what is intergenerational trauma and who would like to give an example?

[00:47:15]I see a little hand beside the green shirt.

[00:47:21]The hand is retracted.

[00:47:26]Intergenerational trauma is something that's passed down from families in the past.

[00:47:31]>> Yes. Amazing. Would you be able to give me an example?

[00:47:35]>> Um, First Nations people, I think.

[00:47:38]>> Yes. Amazing. I love it. That's good.

[00:47:43]That's a huge one. Especially in your country and um all that's going on.

[00:47:49]That's amazing.

[00:47:51]She's your friend.

[00:47:53]So also known as transgenerational or multigenerational trauma. This is the process where psychological, emotional and behavioral effects of trauma are experienced by one generation and passed down to subsequent generations.

[00:48:11]And I know, you know, it's so funny she said that we were focusing more on like a AfroCaribbean cultural perspective, but a lot of other marginalized and um other groups have experienced intergenerational trauma. Jews, First Nations. Um and so what happens when we experience a traumatic event? It's called a trauma response, right? So it's our ability to adapt. And whether that's a positive or negative adaptation, right? So if you have chronic stress or have lived through traumatic event, you may have certain responses and these are called trauma responses.

[00:49:06]They're usually helpful for short-term survival. So if we think about something that's helpful in a short term, say for example, what if you get burned by a fire and you flee, right? Like you feel the flames, you flee. It tells you to run. Danger, run. Short-term survival. That's helpful, right? So the next time, you know, like when we're growing up, we say like if the baby touched the hot stove, they will learn not to touch it again, right? imprinted in your mind is that heat pain or heat you run away, right?

[00:49:47]Move away from the danger.

[00:49:50]But if it leaves an imprint, it can put your body in what we call survival mode, which is both harmful to your physical and mental health in the long term. So your brain learns to adapt in ways to keep you safe, right? It's It's almost like your brain just says, "If I smell smoke, I'm going to run. Even if you've ne Tell me which one of you here is afraid of a dog."

[00:50:23]>> Cuz I know that just came to my mind, right? Have you ever been bitten by a dog?

[00:50:30]>> Okay. But there were way more hands of people who've never been bitten, but they're afraid because you probably witnessed somebody being bitten by a dog.

[00:50:39]right? Or dog chase you down, right? Um I remember when I was growing up, I used to have to walk by like that was my greatest fear, walking home from school, cuz you never know who's whose yard has a dog and whose dog is going to chase you down on any given day. So over time, you learn that when you're passing this yard, you quietly walk past, right? And make sure that the dog doesn't chase you. Or other times, you just cross the road, right? So it's it's these learn things. Maybe your mom was bitten by a dog and she says to you, "Dogs are scary."

[00:51:19]This is what I teach my children. I apologize.

[00:51:23]Dogs are scary. When you see a dog, go on the next side. Do not run when you see a dog. A dog will chase you if you run.

[00:51:32]They didn't even have a chance to learn to like dogs because of a fear that I had. And I was never bitten by a dog, which is crazy to think about, but that's kind of how it passes on, right? These beliefs um and these things that we've adapted for survival and to keep us safe, right?

[00:51:54]These are passed on to future generation and it's really difficult to unlearn. So even though logical grownup male say, "Oh, that dog is cute." If the dog comes near me, I know logically I don't need to run, but my body just goes away from the dog. Right? My brain says danger and I go away. Another example, you may have grown up in a household where your parents and grandparents yelled and shouted at their children in anger stemming from a place of unresolved trauma and pain.

[00:52:33]Familiar everybody? Rashelle is saying no. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.

[00:52:42]We're not all the same.

[00:52:44]And so and and that's good because then she will pass on similar like right. Um to understand intergenerational trauma it's important to acknowledge the impact of what the parents and grandparents and those before them have had to do to survive. Right? So before they didn't have the tools some of them or the energy or modeling they didn't have psycho education where somebody comes in and tell them about these things right a lot of them were too busy trying to make sure they had food make sure you were safe make sure you got what they didn't have right and so the other tools the other skills the soft skills the emotional skills all those were not as important.

[00:53:36]And so that void um and that lack had impact.

[00:53:42]It's funny because you're trying to do one thing and end up missing another thing. Which is why we can now have a level of success they may not have had. But still we are in a place where our soul is cast down because now we have what they may have wanted but in on the other hand we're still struggling.

[00:54:06]Right? So that's why we're also here so that our children may have both.

[00:54:12]Right? So the impact in this case would be the descendants continuing to shout and scream at their own children from a place of unresolved intergenerational trauma. And we don't do that, right?

[00:54:32]My children will tell you I do sometimes. I'm in church. I have to admit it. But when I am able, and I was telling Pastor Jason that yesterday, when I am able, I apologize.

[00:54:50]And I think that's a huge chain change in the chain or the cycle, right? It's not that we are not going to be predisposed, but when we are able, we change it just by one small step at a time. And that's important. If everybody makes a small step. Yeah. All right. So, we talked about how trauma response kind of predisposes us to certain things. And when we say our brain does it, it's because, you know, our brain create these neuropathways.

[00:55:27]Um, so something stressful happens and our brain records that, right? And then we create these neuropathways which in the future it just kind of goes on automatic. This is what we do. So think of I have a visual on the screen. I don't know who's been to the countryside, lived in the countryside, but sometimes we have something called shortcut, right? So you will say you want to get over to another street or down to the river wherever and you see the path you see uh there's the road and there is the bush can I take liberty in saying that right there's the field whatever it is but a dog is chasing you and so you say you know what I am not going the long road I'm going to cut a path through the bush. I see you cut a path through the bush and then the next time the dog is not chasing you, but you say, "But you know that path was." So you go and then you keep going this. So the more you go, so now you're walking, right? And you're at the road and you're like, if you are not even thinking, you're just going to go to the shortcut. No.

[00:56:53]Right. And then what happens over time?

[00:56:58]>> Path created, right? The path is created.

[00:57:03]And so automatically this is the new road, right? And so you just go down this path. You don't even think, oh, but that wasn't the original road. But everybody now after you when you're taking your kids, everybody going down this path. And even if they thought, but mommy, why are we not taking the road? This is the path, man. Come, it's shorter, right? You don't even have to explain.

[00:57:30]There, you must go, right? And they just follow. Sometimes we don't even know why, right? Um, and so it's kind of like that how neuropathways and ways of being are formed, right? Maybe it was first out of a stress response and then over time your brain just kind of wires it as this is the way this is what we do when we smell smoke we um even if there is no harm it register.

[00:58:08]It could be a smell. You could smell smoke. You you might not even see smoke, but you smell smoke and the brain says, "Ah, danger. Let's run." Right? So, when you think of how trauma impacts the brain, it's a very important thing to know why we do what we do, right? So if you think of the brain, the free freer frontal frontal cortex, the frontal lobe is really kind of like the secretary of the brain, right? It is in charge of rational thinking, executive functioning, like the really important stuff.

[00:58:50]But when we are stressed or when we have experienced trauma, nah, it just shuts down, right? Um, and guess what takes over?

[00:59:03]Yeah. It's wired for the amygdala and it just it's what takes care of you and make sure that you're safe, right? So wired for survival when active. It's hard to think rationally.

[00:59:19]The more hyperactive the amygdala is, the more signs of PTSD. So over time if we are constantly in a state of stress it releases stress hormones that that's why sometimes we just feel on edge right nothing is wrong you know but it's like you have lived in such heightened state that it's just like a constant release of stress hormones right and unless you're intentional and work intentionally to reduce that and to kind to turn down the the effects and kick let the um frontal cortex kick back in where you are now able to think logically, make good choices. It's not going to happen naturally. Another thing that happens with trauma and the brain is the hippocampus responsible for memory and differentiating between past and present works to remember and make sense of the trauma. So with consistent exposure to trauma, it shrinks, right? So it's not just oh just on the outside, it's really really deep, right?

[01:00:33]And even um working with children and I know this logically and sometimes as a mom it does not kick in when they are crying when they are hurt when they are frustrated when they're having a temper tantrum. The preffrontal cortex closes down. So even we're saying stop crying. Why did you do this? No, it's hard because they can't think logically when they are in a heightened state of emotions, right? Um, and a a lot of research also shows that people don't really learn well when they're in a heightened state of emotion. So, if you're trying to teach them what is right in that moment, that's not the moment they're going to retain it. They're going to retain it when they're regulated and calm, when their frontal lobe is able to receive information and process it logically.

[01:01:32]Right? I know it's really that is also another aspect of generational trauma where we I myself engage in this. Why are you crying? What is wrong? Why did you do that? Those kinds of things, right? Um it's really hard. But awareness is where we start.

[01:01:55]Um, and so let's jump into intergenerational trauma. So yesterday we touched a bit on it, how it's passed down, you know, behavioral, environmental, so environmental meaning like your home environment, your culture, um, biological pathways. And so we spoke about parenting styles. Um, when you guys left, we spoke a little bit about coping and learned behaviors.

[01:02:24]So, it doesn't just come from nowhere, right?

[01:02:30]A lot for our population, a lot of it comes from oppression, racial trauma or systemic oppression. They have lasting effect, right?

[01:02:42]So like my friend said, refugees, you know, descendants of refugees, residential school, Holocaust survivors, and slavery.

[01:02:53]When you think of it, um, some of the core needs of an individual is safety, security, and connection. As a child, those are core needs. And that's why a lot of times in the Bible talks about safety and God being our safe place because that is a core need even in healing, right? Um and so when you think about people who've been scattered, displaced, been objectified, used, um been ripped away from their families, right? Um been taught that they were less than. You can imagine how that impacts them long term and that doesn't provide safety. There is a sense of unease and not being not safe actually continually, right? um the connection with parents and we'll touch on attachment tomorrow with the women but the connection that is needed to form safety help the child feel you know babies even as young as babies not having that connection and safety with their caregiver you know creates trauma responses right and so people experiencing intergenerational trauma may have symptoms reactions and patterns that are passed down from previous generations. So some of the things we think about chronic anxiety, depression.

[01:04:26]So we say, you remember we spoke about just always being on edge, chronic anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, hyper vigilance, this one, hyper vigilance, difficulty regulating your emotions cuz who taught you?

[01:04:45]and strained relationships, right? Are there any other symptoms you could think about that you would like to share? Anything that comes up personally for you?

[01:05:01]I know the Sunday dinner in is set in already, you know, guys, but I want you guys to engage.

[01:05:10]Anything else that comes to mind?

[01:05:13]Sorry.

[01:05:15]Isolation. Absolutely. Thank you. Any else?

[01:05:21]Anger. Absolutely. And some of this anger goes far far far back, right? Um the environment has so much to do with anger. Um, I was downtown Kingston one day and it was very hot and you if you are from the Caribbean and you probably know Kingston, you you can imagine downtown is busy and bustling and people are really working so hard to make their living, right? And so you think about poverty and its effect, right? And there was a gentleman selling matches. Anybody know what a match is?

[01:06:01]>> Okay. And I thought to myself, how can you make a living from selling matches?

[01:06:07]And it was so hot and the environment was hot. It was busy. And everybody was angry, right? They had a And I thought to myself, I understand if I had to walk in the sun every day and sell matches for a living, I'd be mad, too.

[01:06:26]You know, environment plays such a like and then it becomes a part of you.

[01:06:31]Right? And people say, "Oh, people don't turn angry." But that's not it. That's not it. You know, there are circumstances that leads to behavior and over time that be we we adapt that as our personality, right? But if what if those sorry go ahead pastor Mark say I some people don't like to be hugged because that that's something that's passed down as well. Like if you go to hug somebody and they kind of >> that's a trauma response and so I can tell you personally >> um personally I as I mentioned yesterday I I have a life lived in lessons. Um but I struggle with that specific thing being hugged. Um, and my daughter, woo, she'll just ambush you. You're walking down the hall and she just stands in front of me with her arms wide open, right? And I'm like, why do you need a hug now? Or I'm cooking and I'm it really and it really it it hurts me, but I literally have a visceral response.

[01:07:49]And I thought about it long enough to know that when I was around her age, I was there was a huge rupture. And I don't think I was hugged past that age, right? And so for me, I grew up not being hugged so much.

[01:08:10]And while I love them with my whole being, I just I don't like to be bombarded with hugs, right? Um but then I think, huh, so she's going to grow up and feel rejected because of not being hugged constantly.

[01:08:28]So you think about all these things and it's really it's really like so I sit with her and I explain and maybe she gets it and maybe she doesn't, but sometimes I push against that discomfort and I give her the hugs.

[01:08:42]>> I know this is probably not question and answer time, but just because you're on that vein, >> I I love hugging people. So I guess so it now can that play into somebody's Yeah. Can that be a trigger? And I guess that I guess that's something where I may have to just kind of be conscious like I can't just randomly >> hug people because there are other people who are triggered for other reasons, right? Um maybe and and I said this too like um in our culture we do a lot of like >> wan and we hit the person or you know like we do a little bit is a little bit rougher. Um, and for somebody who was abused, that could be considered, you know, I've actually had somebody report a worker for hitting them when all they did was tap them on the shoulder.

[01:09:33]>> The trauma trigger was triggered from when she was physically abused into saying, "Ha, that tap is a hit." And so the brain recorded it as such and that was that was the response. Right. So but also your your your love of hugging um could be something to look into.

[01:10:01]I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to dig too deep. But yes um thank you for asking.

[01:10:09]That was a very good example. Leon That's an expression. People who are hyper suspicious.

[01:10:19]>> So hyper vigilance >> and distrust. Oh, that vigilant. Okay.

[01:10:23]Okay.

[01:10:23]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[01:10:24]>> Yeah. I think that's a big thing in Jamaica.

[01:10:27]>> Well, I don't know if it's a big thing everywhere, but there are many people who >> even their closest family, >> they don't trust, >> they won't tell them anything. They'll be going to America.

[01:10:36]>> Yeah.

[01:10:37]>> And they will never tell them >> until they're on the plane or until they have arrived.

[01:10:42]>> Right. Well, that may be for a different reason.

[01:10:44]>> And it may be for a variety of reasons.

[01:10:46]I'm sure. I'm sure.

[01:10:47]>> But yes. Yes.

[01:10:48]>> But there are many people that are very like people just they just don't trust people. And you can tell that it's coming from a place.

[01:10:55]>> Yes. You can tell that they came from a place where they didn't feel safe.

[01:11:00]Remember we spoke about like the three core needs. Safety, connection, and stability.

[01:11:07]Somebody else with a question.

[01:11:18]So based on what Leon spoke about a while ago, people which you connecting it to the hyper vigilance >> that could be connected to um superstition, right?

[01:11:32]>> So a lot of people um >> I'm hearing an echo. A lot of people will just choose not to tell you their plans because they are superstitious, right?

[01:11:44]>> They believe if they tell you they're going to travel, you might do something to harm them. So, and if they're pregnant, >> you won't know until they're way past that stage, >> right?

[01:11:57]>> So, superstitious uh thinking, >> superstition uh plays a big part in that as well.

[01:12:05]>> I agree. Absolutely. Absolutely. Um and that's why I said and other things too, right? Because some of that could be like financial burden. It could be like fear that somebody's going to, you know, ask for like there are so many nuanced um reasons for that. But yes, I agree.

[01:12:22]Superstition is a huge one.

[01:12:25]>> Um you said safety, connection, and what was the other one again?

[01:12:28]>> Stability.

[01:12:29]>> Stability. Remember that. All right, back to the hugging business. Um, so I need my my kids are here, so I know they will be cringing right now. Um, I'm not a hugger and it's coming from a place. I know that. But why do I have to put myself in the discomfort for the purpose of what you're telling us? For example, not passing trauma down. Is it really passing trauma down?

[01:13:05]H h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h is all that important.

[01:13:07]>> Remember, so okay guys. Um, hold on, hold on. I think that's I think that's a good question. I think it's a good question cuz I also you're not alone in thinking about it. I know that question, you know, we out it might not be hugging for you. It might be something else, right? It might not be with your kids.

[01:13:30]It might be with your partner. It might be, you know, with your family. It it doesn't have to look the same. But the truth is, yes, it'll feel uncomfortable because change is uncomfortable. Um, and what is what is the need behind your child wanting to be hugged?

[01:13:56]Comfort, >> connection, Yes, >> there we go. There we go. And so you have to look at the need. If it's just that they did something and even sometimes they do something bad and and they come for the hug, you might still give them the hug, but the correction as well.

[01:14:18]>> You give them the hug and the correction. So if they sometimes I'm saying sometimes they might come because they've done something wrong and you know it. They know it and they're coming in for the hug. I'm saying you might still give them the hug, but also the correction.

[01:14:33]>> Holy Spirit, help me. But um >> because you have to think about what the need is. What is the need? And we'll touch on that a little bit later. Like what is the need beneath the behavior?

[01:14:45]Cuz all behaviors come from a source of need.

[01:14:50]>> Well, my children, I love you. Just understand that.

[01:14:57]>> I'm coming over.

[01:14:59]is very important.

[01:15:00]>> Yes.

[01:15:03]>> Yes.

[01:15:09]>> My mother left me a few months.

[01:15:14]>> Never um never took place >> and so there wasn't enough uh touch um as such. It's the grace of God that made me affectionate to my children. So, you know, and I've learned that every cell in our body responds to love, right? And children associate touch uh with love.

[01:15:38]>> Yeah, >> thank you for sharing. And I will be going more in depth into something the attachment framework that speaks to what you're talking about. um when the needs are unmet or sometimes if they are met to a different degree, you go into the world kind of looking for those things, >> right?

[01:16:02]One more two.

[01:16:06]All right, go ahead.

[01:16:08]>> So, one thing I didn't see on your list is sometimes people just shut down.

[01:16:13]They've been so traumatized they no longer process emotion is that one of the symptoms >> absolutely trauma fight freeze or fawn and so absolutely shutting down is a protective response because if I can't feel then I can't be hurt right yeah numb yeah and you can shut down and still present like you're okay, right?

[01:16:47]Um and you can shut down parts of you, right? So, absolutely that could be a trauma response. Um because you're protecting yourself.

[01:17:02]Um, just picking backing on what Natoya was saying, if you have a child who like physical touch is there a thing and if you don't give it every time, is that also leading to trauma or is it that >> No, no. I I'm not saying I mean we got to use our judgment, right? Um, we're not and I think with everything again looking at the need beneath the behavior. So if it is that no you're not going to and and one of the things we want to be able to teach too as parent is that um people can say no and that's okay one and two um you won't always get what you want right so while you want the hug now um I might not be able to give you the hug now but later maybe we could cuddle right and so you're teaching lessons in that too you're teaching waiting you're teaching understanding another person's need. Um, and so it's creating that balance and looking at your child. So, every child is unique. What is going on with them, right? Um, and also what you're teaching.

[01:18:08]All right?

[01:18:10]So there's actually groundbreaking research that shows that um genetics and inter trauma intergenerational trauma has um you know it's it's created a marker on our DNA.

[01:18:26]All right. So genes that were dormant um but are still present in our DNA actually activates based on our environment and that is what passes on.

[01:18:39]Right. So it's not just the things that we say and do that we pass on but actually the DNA.

[01:18:48]Yeah. So genes that prime us for things like fight, flight, freeze or fawn. and Fawn just recently added, "It's it's like the people pleasing."

[01:18:59]>> Yeah. Yeah. It's new, right? Yeah. Um so when you show up in life and you're just like constantly pleasing, you don't know how to say no, you are overly submissive um to any and everyone. It can be and when I and you know we are talking about trauma, but there are many other factors that come into play as well. But this can be a response um to fear or when you've realized that in order to survive, you have to people please and submit and and and put everybody else's needs above your own, right? Um and so yeah, so we go into um survival mode and that is marked on our DNA.

[01:19:53]And so we touched on the cycle yesterday and so we know how the cycle works.

[01:19:58]Original trauma passes down and if not if the pattern doesn't change then the behavior continues continues for generation. I was presenting once on attachment and a mom said what if I haven't I still feel the same way but I do differently like pretend and I said it won't work because guess what we show up in ways that we don't even realize right so our authentic selves or children see other people see I could see you can tell by just observing because we speak so much with our um non-verbals and just the way we do things. So you might be faking it but it's not healthy for your family.

[01:20:52]It's not help it's not going to stop the cycle. It's just going to show up differently.

[01:20:58]Right? So true work needs to be done to break the cycle. Right? So, therapy, self-awareness, processing, grieving, grieving. I find that that's something we often just kind of glaze over, right? Building healthy coping skills, um, and having safe and supportive relationships.

[01:21:24]Um, some of the most common types of trauma can be passed on from one generation to another. Oh, this is huge.

[01:21:30]Domestic violence.

[01:21:33]Um, when I was growing up, my mom was physically abused. It was so norm. It was everybody in the community knew and nobody said any. They actually made jokes, >> right? And I and I and she wasn't the only one. There were many women I knew in Jamaica who are physically abused and everybody knows and everybody stays out of it. And so what do we learn from that from this culture of violence?

[01:22:12]It's the norm, right? And so then we come to church and we dress up and we're different cuz we don't hit our spouses but we hit our children.

[01:22:28]Natala.

[01:22:30]So Natalya said we're supposed to.

[01:22:34]Um so one of our young people yesterday asked if it's normal to be beaten, right? and if it has effects on trauma because this is something they think about.

[01:22:54]And if we were honest, if we were honest with ourselves, having lived through generations of being beaten, there's a difference between reprimand, a spank, and being beaten.

[01:23:11]>> Yes.

[01:23:12]>> Absolutely.

[01:23:14]No, there is actually a difference.

[01:23:20]>> Go ahead, pastor.

[01:23:22]>> Well, I >> I just want to backtrack a little bit because we spoke about the domestic violence and you said it may not be in church and I want to pause and say that's not true.

[01:23:38]>> Yeah. And we don't want to overlook this reality because unfortunately >> it happens.

[01:23:46]>> Yes.

[01:23:47]>> Among us and it should not be.

[01:23:49]>> Mhm.

[01:23:50]>> Yep.

[01:23:52]>> Thank you.

[01:23:53]>> Yeah. Absolutely. I was just given the 10 minutes warning. So here we go.

[01:23:59]AfroCaribbean perspective origins and mechanism. So historical leg legacy we know this um foundation lies in slavery. So our this is our history right um colonialism indentured servitude and dehumanization sexual violence separation family separation so you know that's a whole other topic for the men maybe tomorrow right how this separation has impacted generations of men from showing up in their families a culture of silence So silence where you don't tell people your problems and I'm not encouraging telling anybody anything. I'm saying find a trusted person and speak to you know and this culture of silence is why we keep predators sexual predators and other things quiet and now we are seeing the repercussions within ourselves within our families right and so a culture of silence exists where we're discussing emotional pain is discouraged and trauma is rarely addressed and this is why this that you guys are doing is so so important and we normalize violence. I realize we touched on these before. You know violence is normalized within our household and communities.

[01:25:31]So if him not love me if him love me actually >> if he love me.

[01:25:40]>> Yeah. So it's somebody asked if it still exist. It exists in many places.

[01:25:46]Um, and even if it's not if it's not said, remember it's passed down. And so internally we might think that, right?

[01:26:00]Um, gender based violence, absentee fathers, parenting practices. So I want to stop there and talk about parenting practices a little bit. unresolved trauma such as forced migration or abuse often influence our parenting styles.

[01:26:17]Right? So for example, when you think about parents who've migrated and left their children, right? Um remember we talked about secure connection and the important need of creating safety and connection.

[01:26:32]That's really difficult if your parent is not there, right?

[01:26:37]um emotionally distant, hyperindependence, and this history of secrecy.

[01:26:46]Um substance use. Oh, this one a lot of and and because we're in the church, we can we we feel like there's a sense of, you know, this doesn't occur here, right?

[01:27:00]But even if you think about our culture and many cultures worldwide actually it's not just our culture to be frank um where alcoholism is normalized but it's actually uh traum a co thank you a coping mechanism it numbs it excites it it it it it actually is used to regulate emotions and sometimes disregulate blocks out blocks out things that we are unable able to sit with and um I know I don't have a lot of time but let's look at some patterns within our families. So an example emotional suppression the pattern is a deeprooted belief that vulnerability or falling apart is a sign of weakness.

[01:27:53]Yeah, I hear that. Yeah.

[01:27:58]And so the phrase what happens in our house stays in our house is often enforced resulting in burying our pain rather than addressing it. And don't get me wrong, I am not saying everything must be out there.

[01:28:13]Right?

[01:28:15]On Facebook, Facebook is not therapy.

[01:28:19]The people don't care.

[01:28:22]trusted, confidential, competent professionals, right? Um, and so this is why it's important as parents that we learn about emotions, how to identify emotions, how to regulate. Do you even regulate yourself, but you want your kids to regulate? So, your kids are poorly behaved and they are overwhelmed and we're unable to help them because we didn't have the time to learn how to regulate. And a lot of what we say doesn't matter.

[01:28:57]It's what we do.

[01:29:00]It doesn't matter. And my daughter will tell me, "Oh, you say this, but you do this."

[01:29:07]Right? or sometimes I I have taught her she like is it a fact or is it a feeling right um and so the kids will do as you do >> and so when we think about emotional suppression it's huge it's huge and that also means doing the work for yourself hypervigilant masquerading as strict discipline right um and I And I see this a lot with so for example if we choose and and I I got to say when we start addressing these issues we're going to have feedback and we're going to have negative feedback because if you were raised with a family that meant that children sit one place don't move or that um I can think of so many examples but you don't do as your culture teaches. is or as your family taught and you think that children should be children for a certain time and not have to be robots for a certain time, you're going to get the feedback.

[01:30:18]Why are you doing that with your child?

[01:30:20]You're spoiling them. You're not doing the right thing. So when you choose to heal or you're choosing to not continue cycles, you got to prepare that it's going to be met with challenges and feedback, right? But that doesn't mean it's wrong. So if you were on the road and you remember that field we spoke about and you saw the shortcut, but you said, "No, I don't want the shortcut.

[01:30:48]There's snakes. There are ants. There's hole." Whatever you decide that you and your child you're going to walk on this road, people are going to go on the shortcut and say, "What are you doing?

[01:30:59]Look, we can't reach faster if we walk on the shortcut." You know, I went over the shortcut and nothing happened to me in the shortcut.

[01:31:07]Right? So, but you're like, "No, I'm okay. We need the exercise. We'll take the long way." Right?

[01:31:16]Um, also migration and family fragmentation. And we touched on that a little bit. Barrel children syn syndrome. That's a real thing. We So when we migrate and we show our love by sending things home in our minds, we are creating financial stability, which is important. And it's this is why it's not a one-sizefitit all because we do know we do understand that there are families that are suffering with poverty and we as migrants know that that's a part of why we're here not cuz we love ice, right? We are here for better opportunities.

[01:32:00]And so it's hard because when you think about families who've had to separate from their children and they send things home, yes, children are also learning that financial gain is a top priority over emotional connection and stability.

[01:32:21]And I know it's hard to even say that.

[01:32:24]So how but it's not that these things can't be repaired because research also shows that it doesn't have to be mommy or daddy that offers this connection and for children to be okay. So on the flip side we do have a culture where grandmas and grandma grandpas and uncles and aunties come in and they offer that emotional connection and that is good enough. It's not the same >> but it does have positive impact. So I just don't want to be the bearer of bad news.

[01:32:55]>> Um Alysia, we should also just note that under migration >> for those of us who are here and the family structure changes where we don't have the extended family.

[01:33:08]>> Oh yes.

[01:33:09]>> And we are here and it's just both parents but both of us are working.

[01:33:15]>> And that puts another twist to the whole migration.

[01:33:19]>> Yes. and how it affects the family and >> we may be earning more but we are less emotionally available.

[01:33:28]>> Yes.

[01:33:28]>> And all those are are factors that must be considered when we look at the migr the impact of migration.

[01:33:36]>> Absolutely. I think that's so important because now we're also in another form not being there for the children as much as we would like and we don't have the the village. We don't have the village that we once had. But if we also take a positive spin on it, if we don't have the village, then we can rewrite the stories and the patterns. Cuz sometimes the village, we've had villages that teaches things we don't agree with.

[01:34:09]And because we need the village so that we can make the money, we just go along with the village that teaches things we don't agree with. Um, and there's a lot of work to be done. But and even as I'm speaking, I'm like, boy, that just leaves us in a tough position, doesn't it?

[01:34:27]We have the church. Um so other one parentification and overachievement touched you know because many families ex experienced extreme scarcity success was viewed as the goal right and was necessary for survival. So children are often tasked with adult responsibilities prematurely.

[01:34:51]So if you're the first in your family to do anything, you know, right?

[01:34:58]Um that's a tough place to be. I'll just leave that there. Um, Melissa, I think something just dawned on me and I don't know if anybody may need to ground themsel at this point because I think when you're touching on these and we may feel we may see these applying to us and it may it may be tempted to we may be tempted to feel overwhelmed.

[01:35:29]Um, so I just would just want to say if you need to ground yourself.

[01:35:35]>> Yes. And which is why I start with God because sometimes when we look at this we and and even though I'm presenting I see many of these things in myself and my parenting and life in general. And so we can be aware that these things may have occurred or that we're doing it, but unless we call it and name it, we can't change it. Right? So that's why it's important to be able to call it and name it. Um normalization of aggression is one of the patterns, shift in family homes and absent fathers. and we can think about just how those can um impact us.

[01:36:20]So I did get the that the time is up. Um there is so much to cover. We will continue the conversation.

[01:36:34]Um we didn't even get to the church.

[01:36:38]We didn't even get to the church. Uh do I have five minutes?

[01:36:47]Kirk says five.

[01:36:51]Okay. So, I mean, the the ones we touched on before were within our families, within our home, but yeah, there are patterns in the church that impact our um our connection with God.

[01:37:03]So, for somebody that has been experiencing trauma, stillness can create anxiety. And when we're at church, sometimes we're required to be still in his presence. We're required to listen to the sermon and sit still and read your Bible. And sometimes that can be challenging for somebody who is triggered by stillness because sometimes stillness means that something dangerous is going to happen, right? And so, how do you identify? Maybe it's not that you're a bad Christian and you don't love the Lord. You love the Lord with your whole heart, but it's so hard to be still in his presence. You know, large crowds can be a trigger. large crowds like a church congregation, right? Trusting people.

[01:37:48]That was tough. People in church who come and hug you and say, "I love you."

[01:37:56]That's tough. Especially if you are not used to that and you become skeptical and that can be overwhelming because you're constantly triggered at church.

[01:38:07]>> Sir, go ahead.

[01:38:10]>> Yes.

[01:38:14]Yes. Yes.

[01:38:17]>> Yes. Because because that person >> I'd like to ask the question um how do we relate to our younger what our younger generation who may not dress the way how we were brought up.

[01:38:32]>> It is can be traumatic for a young person coming to church.

[01:38:37]>> Triggering for me.

[01:38:39]>> Yes. a trigger for the older generation.

[01:38:41]>> So, so it's a Okay. What does that bring up in you? If you you I'm not saying don't address things. There are things that need to be said.

[01:38:54]However, the way that you say it is important.

[01:39:00]If your attempt is to shame someone, what is it that it's giving you? like what is it that it's like why is your approach to shame you know you have to think about that within yourself. It's not even about the other person. It's about what's going on in me that requires me to go up to somebody and say things in a negative way. What has impacted me that has caused my approach to be this way?

[01:39:33]So there's there are ways to do there's always a different way to do something that's right.

[01:39:38]>> And I think our pastor said it quite right. You have to show friendship before connection. Correction.

[01:39:44]>> Listen.

[01:39:46]Absolutely.

[01:39:48]Absolutely.

[01:39:50]Relationship before correction.

[01:39:54]Relationship also before correction.

[01:39:58]Right? It's really important because you want the so even with children safe they have to feel safe remember we spoke about the brain there needs to be a feeling of safety for there to be learning to occur >> and and and my wife told me she was in Jamaica with her nephew who had some studs in his ears >> and the first thing the person came up to the young man and said you can't go to heaven with those things in your ears.

[01:40:31]>> Yeah.

[01:40:31]>> That can turn off a young person completely >> completely from the church.

[01:40:36]>> Absolutely. Absolutely. And thank you for bringing up that.

[01:40:40]>> So there are we know that within our church, you know, there are many triggers and many challenges that may come up as a barrier between you and God. But truly, it might not be about God. It's more about what has happened to you and how can you identify that something has happened that has caused you to have this disconnect. Right? Um my five minutes are up. Um so I don't know if we'll have a chance to go through some of these authoritarianism.

[01:41:18]>> Okay.

[01:41:20]So the pattern, you know, um, authoritarianism and blind obedience. So environments that demi demand absolute deference to leadership. So again, we touched on that yesterday when we're talking about like things that are passed down in relation to like submission, right? Often labeling questions as rebellion or lack of faith.

[01:41:46]It stifles critical thinking and emotional autonomy. So the inheritance, this is what happens. Younger generations raised in these settings often internalize self-doubt, anxiety, and a chronic fear of displeasing both human authorities and the divine, right? Um shame and secrecy.

[01:42:08]We're obsessed with perfectionism, right? And so the members learn to hide their authentic selves, right? Um and it just it snowballs there, right? Spiritual bypassing.

[01:42:28]No. Yes. Members are encouraged to suppress grief, anger, legitimate psychological distress through prayer and more faith. And it's not because we don't have a lack of faith. it's because things are going on deeper than that.

[01:42:43]Um, and we're forced to forgive without addressing the root cause.

[01:42:48]And so I know and and if I had time, I would love to share on forgiveness. I've been on a quest to um to understand forgiveness in a more practical way. Um, enabling abuse, labeling trauma as sin. And what is the need? What is we we if we see someone within our church that are engaging in behaviors or patterns of behaviors that we we find harmful or even as a Christian that we find distasteful and we think is a sin. Maybe we look at the person, what is really going on with them? What is the need beneath the behavior?

[01:43:34]What is the trauma wound that they're healing from? and maybe try getting them the necessary um resources that would be helpful. I'm at the end, guys. I am.

[01:43:47]So, awareness is the first step. We know that we're doing it. Even awareness feels hard, doesn't it? Learning about trauma and what's going on with you feel hard, but it's a good step, you know?

[01:44:00]It's a good first step. Um, acknowledge trauma, recognize inherited patterns, practice strategies that reduce trauma patterns, seek therapy, and submit your pain and healing to God. Most importantly, um, so tonight the homework, self-reflection.

[01:44:26]No, I'm not sending you home to cry.

[01:44:29]Self-reflection.

[01:44:30]And even bringing these reflections to God, write in your prayer journal, God, what's coming up for me today? What came up for me today? And how can I help myself be better? Right? Submit these things to God. He wants to hear. He already knows why you are doing the things you're doing. And to be honest, he also understands that we're not so perfect, right? But he wants you to bring it. Bring it to him. Write in your prayer journal what came up for me as I was hearing about trauma, as I was hearing about these patterns. Is there anything that feels like a frog in my throat? Is my chest tightening as we talk about these things? Right.

[01:45:15]Identifying the first step.

[01:45:18]All right.

[01:45:20]There we go. Thank you so much for having me this evening. I wish we had more time, but if you need more information, um, you can feel free to reach out.

[01:45:33]Tomorrow night, we continue the discussion and all through this week, so tell a friend. Um, tomorrow night, Pastor Jason will be talking with the men and I'll be talking with the women and I am excited for it. Thank you so much.

[01:46:00]Amen, church.

[01:46:03]>> Oh boy, the time is too short.

[01:46:07]>> Yeah, we need we need more time to spend on on the on the things that will help us to to know what to do, guys.

[01:46:19]Hallelujah.

[01:46:21]It's going to be the journey. The journey the journey to this healing >> a journey.

[01:46:31]>> Yes. And and that is why when I one of the thing that I have in my closing remark here says that you know as we come to the end of you know this evening's program let us just remember that healing is not just a moment.

[01:46:50]Um it is a journey. It's a journey guys.

[01:46:54]If you see me hug you, just hug me back.

[01:47:01]If you see me not shouting at my kids, just wave your hands and praise the Lord because those are things that No, to be honest, I thought I was doing right, discipline, but okay, I am learning differently now. Breaking unhealthy cycles takes courage, prayer, intentional love and God's guidance. So this evening was not simply um simply just for gathering. It was a reminder that our families can heal.

[01:47:38]Um relationship can be restored. You know the ones that can be well let us remember that part two and the future generations do do not have to inherit the pain of the past. I have a lot of undoing to do. I have time. Praise the Lord. I have time. Yeah. What we choose to change today can impact generation tomorrow. And I hope you realize that from what Melissa was um talking about.

[01:48:10]So may we leave here encouraged to lead our homes with grace, wisdom, patience, and faith. And let healing begin with >> Amen.

[01:48:24]>> So as we close, we're going to stand. And I want to be intentional with our prayer tonight.

[01:48:34]I'm going to give us to just individually pray for about two minutes for with with ourselves and then after that 2 minutes then I'm going to pray.

[01:48:49]So 2 minutes just take that time to just talk to God.

[01:49:56]When I come to the end of myself, Father carry us God. It was not an accident why this program was created.

[01:50:14]We need your healing.

[01:50:19]And so Lord, we help us, oh Lord, that we will take that moment, that exercise that was even just given to really be intentional about self-reflection.

[01:50:38]Lord, help us to sit with the discomfort just for a little bit.

[01:50:46]And then Lord, at the end, help us to remember that it is you who will carry us through this journey of healing.

[01:50:56]And so Lord, I pray that you will just help us as a church family to embrace each other and have grace with each other as we go through this journey.

[01:51:10]Please Lord, help us Lord to not just make this week go by just for the mere sake of another program, but please help us oh God to be intentional about taking the necessary step whether professionally to get the healing that we need so that we do not continue to pass trauma on.

[01:51:40]Help us, oh God, to see that this ends with me.

[01:51:47]Thank you so much, oh God, for the presenter tonight. I pray, oh God, that you will continue to mold her and fashion her and help her to be prepared for tomorrow night and be with Pastor Jason as well as he's ready for tomorrow night because he will be facing the men.

[01:52:08]And I pray, oh God, that you will just go before, oh God, and just pave the way and get every heart ready to hear your word.

[01:52:19]Thank you so much for tonight and give us a journey in mercies as we go back home in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. And so just a reminder tomorrow is t tomorrow is Monday and we will be having counseling session on Tuesday. So, tomorrow night everyone should be coming out to do the separation between female male and on Tuesday between 200 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. you see that wide gap of time there will be counseling session right here at the church with Melissa and Pastor Jason. So, come utilize the time and it's free counseling, right? Yes.

[01:53:05]So, utilize utilize the free counseling.

[01:53:09]Exactly. And also and activ you see it for tomorrow. Don't worry about the children. Bring the children. We will have um the activity center for the children so that the the the female and the male you don't have to be bombarded with the children. So bear that part in mind. Um, I want you to have where should they book it? Okay, right now if you want to book your session, it is a time for you to do that tonight before you leave so that you know things can run smoothly on Tuesday. Have a good night everyone and thanks for