RDCWorld cleverly uses the formal structure of a trial to highlight the absurdity of human behavior through sharp, satirical role-play. This performance effectively demonstrates how charismatic storytelling can be just as persuasive as actual legal evidence.
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LAWYER MARK FINALLY TAKES THE STAND! (Guilty as Sock)Ajouté :
All right. AP ain't played this either, right?
Yeah.
>> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he never played. All right, bet. We We going We going to learn together, yo. Is my mic still Is it still on? Yeah, that that whole You sound completely different from everybody else, bro. You said my mic sound Yeah, yeah, that whole drill. [ __ ] this whole sensitive as hell. Okay, Jay.
Press escape. And AP, press the escape and press uh how to play.
Click your role and it tells you what to do.
Dylan, you got this.
I can't talk. from the prosecutor and their charges.
Yeah, I'm on defense.
>> Wait. We don't hear Dylan?
Nah, nah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they're talking to each other right now.
Oh. Hey, bro. Y'all better Y'all better get ready to defend yourselves.
Talk to me. Give me Give me that. Where you at? Where you at? I'm I'm defend I'm defending Click on me. Click on me.
Click on me. Hey, hey, yo. Hey, yo. Hey, yo. Okay. Okay, what's up? Hey, SHUT UP.
STOP TALKING ABOUT TO my to my to my client, [ __ ] Talk to my client.
Yeah, I'm defending you, bro. I'm defending you.
What's What's Okay, bet. What's What's the What's the case? Okay, we going to see We going to see what they charge you. I don't know what they charge you, but we got to find out here in a second.
Okay, bet. All right, bet.
Actually, you don't really have to do anything as a defendant. Oh, look look here it is.
Now, I don't think THAT'S SMART TO NO, NO, NO, I DON'T THINK THAT'S SMART TO DO WITH THE JUDGE. I AIN'T GOING TO LIE.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO READ IT.
NO, you got to press tab. Press tab.
Hey, press tab. Press tab. Press tab.
Hey, hey, HE'S NOT GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THE LITTLE BIT ICE MAN IS ACCUSED of impersonating Drake as Ice man for Little's club appearance. OH MY GOSH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
OKAY. JAY, did you read the how to play?
Why would I read how to play?
>> [laughter] >> Just real quick. It's real quick. [ __ ] yo yo you're He's being accused Yeah, you got to use You got to use your gavel. You got to use your gavel. You got to use your gavel.
You said what? You got to use your gavel. You got to use your gavel.
Got to use my gavel? Gavel's It's right there.
No, no, judge.
No, judge. Judge. Judge. No.
>> Ice Iceman is not trying to glaze you.
You even though you worthy of being glazed, your honor. Can you uh use your use your gavel? Okay, use my gavel and what?
Uh I think you got to let them go first.
They have the right, y'all let them go first. Bet.
Ba!
ALL RIGHT, STAY TUNED. YOUR HONOR, AS YOU CAN SEE, WE'RE in the olden times.
The olden times. So so >> Okay.
So uh my my >> out I actually was not being observant and I did not know we were in olden times. Yes, my my client Leland hired uh Drake or wanted to hire Drake, but whenever the club appearance came the day of the club Ippy showed up and uh impersonated and he showed up and tried to pass himself off as Drake. And he was charging Drake-level prices, your honor. Your honor, he took two he took he took two Ms from me. Two Ms, your honor. Two Ms. Okay, thank you so much. I got a few questions that I want to ask y'all, but but I want to hear I want to hear the defense first. I want to hear the I want to hear the defense first.
Yes, my lord. Uh can I can I ask one Actually, I'm going to ask this question real quick. What In what songs did he go in there and sing? My lord, he didn't even perform any songs. He just came in there with glasses and flashed the bottle. You know how Ippy does. He just uh he's got stood on top of a section A lot of stuttering going on, man. I need you to lock in on your story. Your your honor, my bad, my bad.
My bad. This This my This my seventh case.
Seventh case. This my seventh case.
Okay, look here. He he he just stood on top of a club uh with a bottle of ale.
You know how he does. As he does in our section. And he didn't perform any songs. We didn't know until we had many complaints.
Why couldn't y'all tell that was Drake right off the bat? He's dark-skinned.
Your honor, we wasn't there. Leland wasn't there, your honor. He was handling other matters. He just hired him at the club.
And it was Leland's club.
Okay. Yeah, it was Leland's club. Leland owns the club and he hired him.
And he wasn't there. And he wasn't there. I hired someone to make sure that they got Iceman. They said, "Yes."
And he showed up?
>> it That Who That Who's the Who was at my club, Gerald? And it was dark as hell at the club, be honest. Our light bulbs are not invented. Yeah, I know.
I know.
You are If I know it, I already know.
I got you. Got you. Got you. You asking too many questions. I shouldn't ask no questions. All right, then.
No, you can ask No, you can you can ask me questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can ask whatever you need.
Thank Hey, thank y'all for letting me know. Especially you, Ben. I'm starting to like y'all two over here. Thank you.
Hey, yeah.
Let me Thank you, sir. Thank you. Oh, okay.
Uh Okay, let me see. Uh let me see if I can present evidence. Hold on.
How do I flip my evidence over? One second, Your Honor.
[ __ ] do you got any evidence? I got evidence. I got evidence. I got evidence. Okay. Uh Okay, this These are some I just It was It was a I can't be the Yeah, my bad, Your Honor. He had the whole Yeah, Gerald, Your Honor, I was thinking the same thing, Your Honor.
Okay, this please. Your Honor, you mind if I do the 14th century? Okay, this Okay, this evidence is is is >> [laughter] >> Okay, okay, okay, okay. This evidence This evidence Uh sir, uh my my Your Honor, uh Okay.
As you can see, as you can see his name right here is Iceman If. My My client has been going by Iceman If I just want to let you know that's that's that's Okay, go go ahead. My been going by Iceman since 2012. So, everyone knows Ippy.
Everyone's been knowing Ippy as Iceman for as long as as long as we've known him. Everyone here knows him, you know, you know, right right? So, yes So, yes So, yes, Iceman was contracted to show up at the club to do a walk-through.
Did he ever say uh Wait, wait, wait, wait. He was contracted? I mean, he was hot I mean, he got Yeah, you got Yeah.
They said, "I We need Iceman at the club. We want Iceman at the club." There was no other Iceman there. What Was there a name on there? Like, what about another name?
>> No, it was just Iceman, just Iceman.
Oh, so they they just they should have put a name on it.
>> Yeah, that's what I said, yeah, right, exactly, exactly. I said, "Oh, I Ice Iceman, so I see how the >> You you see what I'm saying? Iceman showed up to the club, he had bottles, he had [ __ ] in the You know what I'm saying? He posted on his story.
>> Those weren't [ __ ] though. Bottles, [ __ ] in the in the in the uh You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you got motion like THAT TO BE HAVING BOTTLES >> WE WE WAS PARKED, MY LORD. We was parked.
Hey, I was there I was My lord, I was there and it wasn't Only only in the South, really in Dallas and Atlanta, um some parts of LA.
Hold on, you you got >> [laughter] >> you got motion in Atlanta?
A little bit, a little bit.
I have some good mates over there. I have some good mates over there. They run They run the scene over there. Any evidence of that motion in Atlanta?
Um um Oh, he has Look, oh, I Look, he has a travel cloak. He be traveling with this cloak on.
>> Travel cloak? He has a travel cloak. You see that evidence?
That means he got motion. He be traveling. He be Hey, he he know He has a travel cloak. Oh, might I add, my Hey, I saw the evidence. He has a travel cloak.
>> 14th century, and Atlanta has not even been discovered yet. You don't get a travel cloak for not being known in multiple places. You don't get a travel cloak BY NOT BEING >> YO, ATLANTA HASN'T EVEN BEEN DISCOVERED YET. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 14TH CENTURY.
WHAT, ARE THERE SIXES AND BOTTLES IN THE 14TH CENTURY? YEAH, IT WAS WHAT? [screaming] ORDER IN THE COURT!
ORDER IN THE COURT!
OH, OH MY GOD, I'M HERE. WHAT THE [ __ ] HE THERE? WHAT I DO? How do you do?
IN THE 14TH CENTURY OH, OH, SHUT UP, [ __ ] HEY!
HEY!
HEY! HEY!
HELLO. YOU MAY TALK, [ __ ] OH, THIS is That's Shut up, [ __ ] AH!
IT'S JUST SCARING ME. [ __ ] CAN YOU TALK?
UH YES, I can, your honor. OKAY.
[ __ ] TALK.
>> [laughter] >> IS SOMEBODY GOING TO ASK ME QUESTIONS?
HE'S ON HIS SIDE. That's their side, Yianni. I didn't call him, y'all. Oh.
I accidentally called him.
Nobody supposed to be asking me Do y'all just want me to tell y'all what what this is or Yeah, WHAT DID YOU WITNESS? YOU WENT TO THE CLUB THAT NIGHT, RIGHT? YOU HAD YOU YOU WENT TO THE CLUB that night? Uh yeah, I was at the club that night, dodge. Yes. Okay, and what did you see?
I saw a man performing Who? and singing Drake.
>> Mhm. Okay. Let's see Oh, woah.
YOU SEE THE MAN PERFORMING AND SINGING DRAKE? YEAH, he was singing Drake songs.
Yes, he's rapping A DRAKE SONG.
>> [screaming] >> WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. THAT IS THAT IS not our witness, Yianni. We did not call him to the stand. I've never seen him. I mean, do you want me to explain further?
Yeah, explain further, my fault. Go ahead. Okay.
So, a man did perform and it was actually that man right there.
Okay.
And I was thinking that the actual Drake was going to perform and I was thinking Drake sent him out to build his hype.
Oh, okay. So, but he did perform.
Drake? No, Iceman.
Yes, Iceman did perform. Yes, his name was Iceman. I have I have I have a piece of evidence. I have a piece of evidence.
WAIT. WAIT. HOLD ON. BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BEN, DID ICEMAN PERFORM?
NO, I did not perform. I was in there I was drinking bottles and and chucking up in there. Uh my my client did not perform. I think the witness is a drunkard. Okay, so the defendants and the prosecutor said the client did not perform. Get your dumb ass out of here.
Move. How How do you get you out of here? Get out.
Go to the Maxwell.
I'm not drunk. Okay.
All right. All right.
All right. I just did that.
I'm not drunk.
Your Honor? Wait, the red. I hit the red.
I hit the red now. You talk to me, dude.
Oh, what what was the difference that time?
Uh you see the you see the gavel? Look at Look at the gavel. Oh, oh that's why I'm switching. I didn't even see that switch. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for my turn. There's two turns between us and two and one's the verdict.
>> Okay, okay. Hey Dez, I'm never calling you back up here. Thank you so much.
>> not Dez. Thank you. This is the last the last piece of information I'm hearing from both parties.
Okay, I just wanted to say [ __ ] don't start messing with me, bro. I'mma I'll send your ass to jail.
Dead ass. Okay. We Hey, we need a bailiff.
>> Hey Dez.
My name's not Dez, sir. You keep disrespecting me. That's not my name.
It's okay if Dez is Hold on. Stay right there, y'all.
Put three on his head, I bet you he'll understand.
>> [laughter] >> Great strike, Your Honor. Hey, um by the way, so go ahead, Dylan. Let me hear what you got to say.
Oh, Your Honor, I have this piece of evidence. It's It's It's the contract Leland signed. It said he was sign signing Iceman to Pierre's club.
Uh uh legal name Aubrey Graham. His legal name is not Aubrey Graham, Your Honor. His name is Iffy.
Ooh. We We contracted Iceman Aubrey Graham. Also, may I May I say I add His name was not has not always been Iceman.
He was formerly known as King Iffy, YOUR HONOR.
>> OH, [ __ ] I I HEARD OF THAT BEFORE. I heard of that. His Instagram, but changed after Drake referred to himself as Iceman. He is an impostor Iceman.
Objection. King Drake Iffy is his Twitter.
Iceman has been his Instagram for THE LONGEST. OOH.
FOR THE LONGEST NOT NOT NOT including post Drake POST DRAKE YES YES MY CLIENT HAS A SWEET SHOT WAIT NO NO WHAT ARE YOU FINISHED?
YEAH RIGHT NOW finished I'm finished right now. [ __ ] all right.
Go ahead.
Ben Ben You finished you finished Yeah yeah they finished go ahead.
Uh now click blue.
Oh wait no wait not that one. This one?
Yeah blue yeah not blue. All right thank you. So uh yes >> [clears throat] >> So I would like to call negligence upon the club owner because because first of all he if he was looking for a Drake and he physically got my my client Iceman to sign the the contract he is not a Drake fan or he is just dumb because my my client is dark skinned Drake is clearly as we all know light skinned.
He didn't he didn't sign the contract he wasn't at the club he didn't he isn't doing none of his own business that sounds like bad business to me not a problem not my that's not my client's problem that's not my client's problem.
WAIT LET ME ASK A QUESTION HOW DID OKAY YOU SENT THE CONTRACT TO ICEMAN without like >> his manager. Oh his manager.
Yeah.
Oh You don't have a manager?
I turn up in my bottles by myself.
>> Or how did you get how did you get Iceman's Raven?
His Raven. I mean a email wouldn't have been it so how did you get his Raven?
There's no email stupid.
I didn't even say that emails. Like how did you contact Iceman like why did your Raven land at Iceman house and not at the real Drake's house? We said, "I just want my 2 million We we contacted his guild. We contacted Drake's guild.
And and and we made a contract and it was contracted for Ice man, Aubrey Graham, and this impostor showed up.
Laying around a bottle of ale and dancing on on a section. My client was a contracted and all I got was and all he got was uh this sack of wheat. He doesn't even pay his people is you know what I'm saying?
He doesn't even show up and pay. I mean you just said you want your 2 million rupees back. So you paid 2 million? Yes, I paid I paid the No, he gave us a sack.
He said he would give us a sack of wheat.
Sack of wheat. He's a liar. He's a liar and he does bad business. This so-called evidence, that's not what I gave.
>> the down payment? That was THE SECURITY DEPOSIT.
WAIT, WAIT, YOUR HONOR. I HAVE ONE MORE PIECE OF HONOR. ONE MORE PIECE OF EVIDENCE, YOUR HONOR. ONE MORE.
>> [laughter] >> WHAT? CAN YOU GO TO MY ATTORNEY, your honor?
Okay.
THAT MAN [screaming] IS A WITCH!
>> [laughter] [screaming] >> NO MEN WITCHES. THERE'S NO MEN WITCHES.
THERE'S NO MEN WITCHES. NO, THERE IS NO MEN WITCHES.
>> [screaming] [laughter] >> Uh no, you can't beat that. You can't beat the witch [ __ ] You can't beat the witch, bro.
>> [laughter] >> No, not the 1400. You're not beating that [ __ ] [ __ ] It's up. SORRY, IFFY.
>> [laughter] >> NO, HELL NO, [ __ ] HEY, IFF. I'm not going to lie. You had like I was about to pick y'all.
But that [ __ ] called you a witch, bro.
>> That witch accusation I missed it.
[laughter] Nah, that witch is a [ __ ] dog. We got to kill you. We got to kill you just in case.
>> [ __ ] call hey, I I seen it. I read it, [ __ ] Any [ __ ] can call a witch.
[laughter] Them [ __ ] was it was up. I don't say he's a witch. I ain't listening to nothing. Witch.
Hey, let me be uh let me be uh defense.
>> Hey, hey, can that can Dez be the judge, bro?
OH, YEAH.
>> [laughter] >> OH, YEAH. LET LET UH OOH, let Lee be the prosecutor or or should I be prosecutor and Lee defense?
I'll be the judge. Prosecutor and defense? I think I think you should be prosecutor and I'll be defense. Okay, Jay, whenever whenever the game starts, it's going to uh defend it uh have a prompt for you.
It'll have a prompt?
Yeah, like to make the case. Yeah, you got to write your case up. What? No, no, no, no, no, yeah, I I LIKE THAT. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, LEE, YOU SHOULD ACCUSE me of something cuz you got more you got more accusations for me.
Let me let me switch. Let me let me be defended. Let me be defended.
>> So, who you want who you want to who you want to be your your lawyer then, Jay?
>> Let me get Ippy. Let me get Ippy then.
Okay, baby, I'm a I'm a defend. Yeah, Dyl, you defend for me then.
Okay, okay.
Bro, you better not be on no [ __ ] Magneto codex. Ooh, we are yo pirate ship, matey.
Waiting for the prosecutor to make a What do they got in this other thing, too? Oh, so oh, I can't hear them at all?
Hey, judge.
Hey, judge.
No, it What is this? OH, WE'RE PARKED?
THE NICE ACCENT, you sound so so nice. What the [ __ ] is going on with this goddamn judge? Hey, IPPY. PRESENT YOUR CASE.
>> HEY, you I'm right here. Can you whisper to Leland? Are you able to whisper to Leland?
Uh let me see.
Leland, can you hear me? Yeah, I I hear you. Can you can you hear me? Lee, mate, can you hear me? Hey, can can you hear me?
He can't hear me.
No, think I can I can I can whisper to him but he he can't Oh he was making a case right now. He's making a case right now. He's making the case. He's typing it up. I'm playing basketball.
AH!
ABOUT CASHING IFFY OUT IN BASKETBALL.
Cashing Iffy out in basketball.
All right.
>> [laughter] >> It's not the right rules.
I'M SAYING HEY SHUT UP.
[ __ ] I I SAID THIS IN CHAT. SHUT UP [ __ ] I'M READY TO ARGUE. COME ON. HEY, come here.
Hey look come on bro like listen. We need to can't kick I got hella evidence [ __ ] I got No we have to use the evidence they gave us. We have to use the evidence they gave us. We can't just make up evidence.
What?
It's random evidence yeah. Can't can't you look at the evidence or not? How do you look at the evidence? Ah who's going to present first with their evidence? Ah basketball.
I love when I go on land and I play the sport of basketball.
What what position do you play on it?
Power forward. Nice nice.
>> [laughter] >> My bad witness I did not mean to do that.
Your your honor your honor that you you have to click their names to present the case.
So prosecutor should go first. Yep yep hit them.
Prosecutors go first. Let's go lock in baby lock in. I think my prosecutor is not playing. I need to see evidence that Iffy is lying.
Me?
Wait hold on wait wait wait wait wait.
I did not mean to pick that host.
He said your honor hold on hold on hold on.
Salary cuts salary you said what?
Wait what we do wrong?
Says Iffy is accused oh that is wrong.
Man my prosecutor sucks bro.
My prosecutor is accused.
THAT'S WHAT THAT'S WHAT I WAS SAYING.
THAT'S WHAT I WAS SAYING too but [ __ ] just said START THE GAME.
[ __ ] YOU JUST [ __ ] UP. YOU JUST [ __ ] NO, BUT THE THING IS though is like I hear I'm arguing for Ippy in this in this role.
I know I know, but you [ __ ] up on the thing cuz you wrote Oh, yeah, yeah, that that that too. No, Leland just sold it.
Leland just sold it. I think we got to re- restart this whole Wait, can we bring the like bring other people in? Yeah, yes. Some of them some of them Yeah, ask them ask them pull up. A lot of people say Ray and and CP know how to play good. Them [ __ ] do talk a lot, so I agree. Ain't seen this before. Wait, Leland Leland been talking Back to get the booty. You said about the booty. Booty with a They've been talking about the case the whole time.
So, they know the maybe.
Wait, what?
It's uh Leland been building [laughter] this case the whole time.
So, it's going to be tough. This one going to be tough one. They already know. They already on the same page.
They talked about it.
You ready?
Hey, you're looking at I can't hear you cuz Chad said I'm guilty cuz I said back to get the booty. THAT'S Y'ALL WANTED ME TO TALK LIKE A PIRATE. [ __ ] I'M A PIRATE. THAT'S ALL THAT'S ALL PIRATES IS AFTER.
BOOTY. You just look like you finna go to jail. You just look like you going to jail, bro.
Yes. He said he was Davy Jones. Legend.
Yeah, he's all right. This is a ship.
This is a ship.
>> No respect for YOUR COURTROOM.
STOP THROWING STUFF. MARK IS accused of stealing stealing me.
Stealing Leland's haircut and owning 60 plus J's. Okay, hold on hold on hold on.
First, you said stealing stealing Lee's haircut and owning 60 plus J's?
No, 60 plus No, yeah, 60 plus J's. You got one part right. 60 plus J's. More J's than your [ __ ] ass. But, hold on.
Never that now. You hear me right now?
Yeah, I hear you, bro. Deal. Look. Oh, owning 60 plus team J's.
Obviously he mad.
You know the number 60. Obviously he's on, right? You know 60 You don't have like You know that, right? know >> Above that. All right. I got my haircut.
You're older? You put them on so many things Do you want to know Do you want to know a secret?
Okay, but I got you.
No, no.
More so like Hold on. Let me tell you one thing. Shut the [ __ ] UP, SO I CAN HEAR DYLAN.
GOD, SHUT UP. SHUT UP. WHO? [ __ ] you a Maybe. [ __ ] Hold on. What?
Come on. I'M TRYING TO TALK TO MY CLIENT. YOUR HONOR. WELL, then talk to him. All right, Dylan. What I was saying is, for real All right, present the evidence. I gave Leland I gave Leland that that that little line, so he could say on stream and [ __ ] I had What you not understanding is I had a taper. Leland had a drop fade, and when I switched to a high drop fade, Leland still was only getting a low drop fade.
Breaking news, breaking news. Cuz I had that MIDDLE SCHOOL ONE.
BRO, GET THAT [ __ ] OUT THE NEWS, BRO. A fine joke. A fine As you all know, and as the world knows FOSKETT PRESENTS THE CASE. GO.
He stole my boy Mark. He stole my boy Leland's haircut, his style, his swag. I see. I see. Dylan is the originator of the haircut? And Mark wanted it so bad.
So so so deviously, he just took it from him. Yeah.
>> Because he's a bigger cousin, he felt like it was okay. He felt like it was just. Yeah. But what did that do to Leland? I don't even care about him having it. It's just that he just won't give me any credit for it. Okay. You never did my man any credit, and you know that's some [ __ ] in the black community. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
No, not yet. Not yet.
So, present the evidence. Present the evidence. He's also accused of having J's that are above 60. You know they buy those from Marshalls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
You buy them from Marshalls. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. That'll be it.
Yeah, that [ __ ] slim. So, what's What's YOUR WHAT'S YOUR EVIDENCE?
SORRY, Y'ALL. LET me get the evidence ready for y'all.
Okay. It's It's It's over for y'all.
It's over All right, the first thing the first thing you want to say is if I had if I had team Jordans ask Leland if he had team Jordans. Let's start there.
No, [ __ ] listen to what I'm saying.
If he ain't going to tell the truth there he ain't going to tell the truth at all. Ask him did he have team Jordans? And in that black notebook did you put that he was going to steal Leland's swag aka his haircut?
What's up? How am I doing? Am I cooking?
Uh this is my first time I mean it's your first time doing it and I'm not going to lie we you're not really cooking but I'mma act like you are.
Even if that's true that doesn't make [ __ ] did you hear what the If he going to lie about team Jordans he going to lie about everything. Ask Leland did he have two flights? Both of us had two flights. Ask him.
Your honor, I'd like to ask Leland if he has team Jordans.
Go ahead. Leland, do you have team Jordans? I'd put him on the stand. No.
So you never had a pair OF TEAM JORDANS?
NO, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. NO, NO, NO, DID YOU EVER HAVE HAVE A PAIR OF TEAM JORDANS?
IS THIS THE IS the definitive answer?
We're we're we're getting we're getting to it.
Ask him ask him.
Did did he ever have team Jordans? He said no your honor, right? No, no, he said do I own a pair of TEAM JORDANS?
YOUR HONOR, THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID YOUR HONOR, THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID. HE LIED.
HE LIED. HE LIED.
UNDER OATH.
YOUR HONOR, HE LIED. OKAY, I JUST WANT TO SAY HE LIED under oath.
FIRST THE FIRST THING OUT THAT NIGGA'S MOUTH IS A LIE. YOU HAVE TO SAY EXACT SENTENCES. YOU HAVE TO SAY EXACT SENTENCES FOR HIM, BRO.
If he lied about that he's lying about this your honor about accusing my my client of stealing >> wrong. That might not have been what he meant, but that's what he said. You said, "Do I have a Okay, okay, it's the whole 1 second. I just need evidence from the defense side. That's just it.
>> really sure how the evidence works, but uh You better use some good one, [ __ ] You balling, [ __ ] I don't I don't need to know how the evidence works, [ __ ] Better make this [ __ ] work. Your honor, YOUR HONOR, I HAVE SECURITY CAMERA footage of of somebody trying to sell my client those 60 pluses in question, and he slapped the [ __ ] out of them, your honor, on camera. IT'S ON SECURITY CAMERA, your honor. He slapped [laughter] the [ __ ] out of them. And then he Wow, this He picked them up and threw them in the garbage, your honor.
On camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he did that.
No, you did that, your honor. You did that You DID THAT. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE [ __ ] IS GOING ON, YOUR HONOR.
HE MIGHT BE CONFUSED. THAT'S A GOOD THAT'S GOOD evidence right there. Yeah, we all call it confusion when we don't know what the >> [laughter] >> Also, your honor, about the haircuts, my client is older than his baby cuz, and the baby cuz don't even doesn't even have a driver's license right now. So, it doesn't matter. He doesn't It doesn't matter. So, WHO'S TAKING WHO'S TAKING HOLY [ __ ] HOLY [ __ ] All right, all right, y'all Y'all done showed your evidence. Y'all had good evidence, okay.
Breaking news.
Lee accused of not having swag to steal.
Team no You need TO GO TO WHAT?
YOUR HONOR, THE ONLY PERSON ABLE to take Leland, aka the baby cuz, to these said haircuts IS MARK PHILLIPS. WOW. HE'S THE ONE TAKING HIM TO THE BARBER SHOP, your honor. Hey, hey. I see. I see. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Can we call a witness?
I I just want to ask the witness like I just want to ask the witness three questions real quick.
You make sure you pick the blue one.
What? No, it's not. It's been And then what?
It's 12. Yeah, yes, it's Bro, you have 12.
>> Okay, so what are What are you saying?
I don't know.
Hey, oh, listen, listen. Ask Ask Witness I am stitching. What's up?
Ask Ben.
He is a policeman. It's not that.
Policeman.
It's a policeman. It's role-playing.
It's RP. Buck in. This witness is about to get asked something. I'm not What?
[ __ ] I thought you was the witness.
I'M NOT UNDERSTANDING. YEAH, he's he's he's role-playing as a cop. That's a witness. Our Our witness is a a cop.
Yeah, that's fine. I NEED YOU TO JUST ASK HIM THE QUESTIONS I'M TELLING YOU TO ASK. OKAY, GO, GO, GO.
GO, GO, GO.
>> [laughter] >> GO, GO, GO.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. THESE ARE THE THREE QUESTIONS. NOW, THE first question I want you to ask is 100% a cop. That [ __ ] is best friends with cops. He was jumping on the trampoline. Yes, that is a fact.
Maybe I should make it Yeah.
Do you care about the jury's opinion? Of course.
Okay, okay. You know, I was just I was just asking. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure we we can we come back to that later. Yeah, I I Yeah, I I hired you for a reason.
Nah, I'm here for jury duty, you know.
You feel me? I'm just here so I don't get fined. Got you. Yeah, yeah. The other two they they left. See, that's that's But that's why I chose you. I knew you was going to come. Um defense.
Y'ALL TAKING ALL DAY. OH, WHERE'S IT WHY HE AIN'T THE [ __ ] WITNESS?
>> BECAUSE THEY have the cops. UH UH YOUR HONOR, YOUR HONOR. I'D LIKE TO ASK THIS POLICEMAN, which is also Leland's father, uh what That is a white man, your honor. who's also Leland's father.
Oh, I didn't ask my son over there.
What's good, Lee?
That is a white man.
>> [laughter] >> He's He's all He's a He's What would you like to ask Leland's father? Uh uh Of- Officer Manigo, Yes. uh when did Leland get his uh driver's license?
Uh driver's uh to- to- my uh to- my call I don't think he got one at I don't think he got one. Right. And and and what I don't know, really. I don't know. He did that at some point, I think. I He did get it at some point. I don't I don't know, you know, I I Yeah, probably when he's way older, but not under What the happened to him? This is blasphemy.
This is blasphemy, Your Honor. That man is white. That is not my father. You know, I thought I thought we left that behind cuz we're not talk We're not talking in pirate. So, I didn't know if we were like still doing a role play part or we were just doing a witness [ __ ] Your Honor, that right there >> Yeah, but it's it's it's a white man.
along the rules of our witness is a police officer. So, you know, does that make sense? That is not my father. OKAY.
OFFICER MANIGO, SO WHO'S taking Leland to and from these barber shop appointments?
His mama.
A- all the time? Your Honor SEE, SHE WORKS A FULL-TIME JOB. WHO WAS THE ONE TAKING HIM TO the barber shop? One second. YEAH, I WAS WITH THE MOTHER.
What do you mean? One second, PLEASE.
BEN! BEN! BEN! HE CALLED HIM BEN, YOUR HONOR. HE CALLED HIM BEN, YOUR HONOR.
MR. POLICE OFFICER, MR. POLICE OFFICER HE CALLED HIM BEN. NOW, HE IS TALKING TO BEN. MR. POLICE OFFICER, BEN MY NAME IS BEN. OH, HIS NAME IS BEN. YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM. All right, LOOK.
MR. POLICE OFFICER, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. YEAH, what's up?
Oh my Your Your Honor Mr. Police Officer, IF YOU IF YOU'RE IF YOU'RE A COP IN WACO, RIGHT?
OKAY, YES, I am. I What's the one barber you go to's name? What's his name?
W- What's his What's his What's HIS >> WHAT'S THE BARBER'S name in Waco? He's getting a fair trial, YOUR HONOR.
OBJECTION.
NOT TRUE. THE BARBER? I DON'T GET MY HAIR CUT I DON'T I DON'T KNOW. I cut my own hair. Oh my god. Your Honor Your Honor >> [laughter] >> He know He know he's cooked. He know he's cooked.
You see, that's how I do your [ __ ] all THE WAY THROUGH.
>> [laughter] >> YOUR YOUR HONOR YOUR HONOR YOUR HONOR >> [laughter] >> Your turn. That man is white. First of all, that man is white. I'm a black man.
>> see color, Your Honor. Yes, Your Honor.
I don't think you should even That that, [laughter] I I'm And I know my father at all. That is not my father at all. Actually, that is Mark's best friend. He used to jump on the trampoline as a kid.
So, he called him up here. He fed him the wrong information. And just because he's white, he doesn't know the three barbers that are in Waco.
So, that's why their evidence fell apart. I see. So, what's y'all's evidence?
Your honor.
Cuz right now, y'all got two solid pieces of evidence right now.
Thank you so much, Ronald. Yes.
Your honor. Yes. Can we call him back to the stand one more time? Not yet. It's not the It is a It is What?
The prosecutor stand?
I'm talking about the police officer name is Ben. That's why I'm calling him that. Can we call Ben the officer?
Yes. On y'all's turn. What is it? I have some secret evidence. What is it?
That [ __ ] Leland gets his hair cut by Clarence. I witnessed it. I witnessed it. Uncle Junior is not bald. THAT'S NOT TRUE.
>> [laughter] >> WHO IS THAT? HOLD UP. HOLD UP.
[ __ ] IS CLARENCE? I'VE NEVER BEEN TO CLARENCE.
>> HE already said that he's not Uncle Junior. He's not bald. Hey, y'all. Go back to the evidence. No. Uncle Junior is not bald. Y'all, let me speak. This is a [ __ ] lineup. So, let me go back to the beginning. But, there's probably no way to prove it.
>> They presented their their defense, your honor. And then the defense was that the defendant, Mark Right. Correct? Yeah. He was the old the cousin. He had the driver's license. So, he was the one who was given HIM THE RIDE.
>> CAN WE CALL THAT WHITE POLICE OFFICER BACK UP TO THE STAND? Not yet. It's not your turn. Hold up. YOU PRESENTING HIS HE SAID HIS MOTHER GAVE HIM THE RIDES FOR his haircut.
And the haircut was what What was it?
The It was the drop fade, Leland?
It was the drop fade, y'all. Your honor.
Okay. Okay. You can say all you want, but I need to see cards. I need to see cards of evidence. I got you, my honor.
Your honor, watch this. Matter of fact Get busy. Old suitcase. Mhm. What about this old suitcase?
It holds secrets in it.
Ah, I see. I see. I see. It holds secrets. Okay. Okay. Okay. What is What What does it say in there?
What does it say in there?
Oh my god.
I I don't know what where where where to go. Extra extra Court in shambles. Court in shambles.
Woah. YOU HEAR ME?
>> [laughter] >> WHAT DID THE SUITCASE SAY?
THE SUITCASE says that Mark got a deal at MACY'S FOR TEAM JORDANS AND IT'S ON THE RECEIPT.
I AIN'T GOING TO LIE. I'M GOOD.
YOU DID. ALL RIGHT.
APPRECIATE FOR TELLING THE EVIDENCE. Uh Defense, your turn.
Your honor, I would like to uh object from that statement because it doesn't make sense because you don't buy Team Jordans from Macy's. My My client doesn't know that. I see that.
I know that. I wear Team Jordans I see.
But I know that you can't get them at Macy's. Your honor, so that doesn't make any sense. I see. I see.
Don't worry, your honor. I'll Google it right now. I don't know where he got that briefcase.
14?
I'd like to I'd like to call my witness back to stand, also.
I'd like to I'd like to present another piece of evidence, your honor.
Here's your witness.
Okay. Remember, Ben is a white cop. Lead that in. Well, you don't need your witness.
Hey hey can we Order order in the court.
And then and he He knows There's only one way Lil can get to the barber shop. His mama works all day and night.
Here's your witness and I need some evidence. Thank you.
>> [laughter] >> Start with that cuz Benji's going to say his mama. And he's going to realize that the only [ __ ] that can take him was me.
Your honor, your honor. This is the officer knows Leland's father cuz they work together.
And he knows He literally just said that was my dad the last week WHEN HE SAID HEARSAY, HEARSAY, HEARSAY, YOUR HONOR.
HEARSAY. ORDER OF THE COURT. HEARSAY.
WHAT'S YOUR EVIDENCE?
My evidence My evidence is that Leland's father has no time to take Leland to the barber shop. And and his mother One sec, wait, one sec.
[ __ ] >> [laughter] >> [ __ ] is not here. Listen to what I'm saying. Tell Tell the [ __ ] his mama was at work all day and couldn't go to the barber shop. So there was only one other person to take him.
I know I hired you. Okay, okay.
Your honor, your honor.
Your honor, like I said, the officer his father does not take him to the barber shop appointment. So the only person that is able to drive him places is his mother. BUT SHE WORKS ALL DAY. And she and she comes home at night. I have this I have this the Oh, okay, can you can can fix Thank you. Thank you. Can you go to my turn so I can present evidence of this?
I don't think I've ever seen her.
That's what I'm saying. Cuz where she works Oh, it's it's not my turn. You got to make my turn.
There you go. She works all day. Oh Oh, your honor, you have to make my turn.
It's not my turn. I still make I'm ready Is it not your turn? No, stop streaming.
Okay, look.
Your honor, look.
These are salary cuts from his mother's job. She She has to work extra. SHE HAS TO WORK EXTRA TO make ends meet.
So is she is working all day. And both of his parents are away home leaving little Leland at home all alone.
And all he can do is practice at Smash Bros. and get good at Smash Bros. and Street Fighter.
And play his NES.
And cheat people online. Now who took him to the barber shop? And the only person [snorts] that available is his big cuz with his gracious time and car he has A CAR. OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR.
THEY SAID HIS DADDY TOOK HIM TO THE BARBER SHOP. THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID two times ago. Hearsay, hearsay. One second.
I never said that, your honor. Hearsay.
Hearsay.
So, Mark was the only one taking him to these barber shops.
He's the only one. He's the only one.
And that's what And also, also, I have I have a message I have a message from 2011.
It's a message that Leland sent Mark.
What haircut do you get, big bro? AND MARK LEFT MY READ.
WOW.
>> [laughter] >> OH MY GOSH, THAT IS CRAZY EVIDENCE. I might have to see some evidence from you, prosecutor. That's y'all's turn now.
First of all, your honor, thank you for giving me the turn again. I do want to say one thing one false piece of information that my my good sir, Dylan, had provided, which was completely incorrect. Leland was not alone at home.
You want to know who else was in the home with him?
Who? Someone who was old enough to drive the vehicle and take him to the barber shop to get a haircut.
Ooh.
HIS OLDER SISTER. OW. [screaming] OKAY.
THEY LYING.
SO, CAN YOU provide some evidence Can you provide some evidence for this? Yes, sir. I got you. She never took Leland anywhere. And number three, her car was broke down like four times. Don't let Don't let him get away with this. They have some good evidence over there on the on the attorney's side. Just letting y'all know.
But I need to see some over here as well.
Hyperinflation.
What the suck, judge? No, your honor.
>> [laughter] >> I'm not going to lie.
Did not mean to pick that.
I don't think Oh my god, no. I apologize. Let me give you another one.
No, let me give you another one.
I'm about [laughter] to No, no, no, no.
It's It's It's this is This is about Be quiet. Be quiet. I need TO HEAR WHAT JUROR SAYS. WHAT WHAT DO YOU say juror about this situation we got here?
Shut your sucking mouth. No, no, bailiff, he's fine. He's fine, bailiff.
Good job, though.
Hey, man, this is my first time on jury duty, but I can't tell you. I am I am siding with the, you know, the defendant and the lawyer. Yeah! You know what I mean? The The PROSECUTOR IS IS I'LL TAKE IT.
>> [laughter] >> THAT WAS THAT'S COMING FOR YOU, PROSECUTOR. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A JUDGE'S DECISION RIGHT NOW.
YOUR HONOR, THEY ARE THIS IS CRAZY. THIS IS SO BIASED.
This This need to BE CLO- I NEED TO HAVE CLOSING STATEMENTS. I NEED TO HAVE CLO- I KNOW, I NEED TO HAVE CLOSING STATEMENTS, OKAY? Y'ALL CAN PRESENT YOUR CLOSING STATEMENTS NEXT.
CLOSING STATEMENTS. CLOSING STATEMENTS.
The evidence is on his feet, [ __ ] ALL THE JORDANS HE GOT, I BOUGHT THEM.
>> [laughter] >> THAT'S WHAT THE EVIDENCE IS.
YOU ALL PRESENT YOUR EVIDENCE FOR CLOSING STATEMENTS. OH, CLOSING STATEMENTS.
He say Bro, this is cheating, BRO. Y'ALL >> [laughter] >> YOUR HONOR, I ACTUALLY I DO I HE has no evidence at all that makes sense. He's never presented any good evidence, your honor. So, I don't need to >> he did. He presented an old shoe case with his secrets and a little black notebook.
>> No, the the old shoe case The old shoe case didn't make sense. He He said it was it was a Macy's It was It was a Macy's receipt, but that's not where you get Team Jordans. I am a Team Jordans confidant. I know where it is. I know where to get them.
Silence! Thank Thank you, your >> Go ahead. Go.
>> Thank you, your honor. He had Put a sock in it.
>> My closing statement is that my my case uh shows that Leland asked I have evidence of Leland asking my client for where he gets his haircut proving that proving that Mark is the one who put Leland on the haircut so that doesn't make sense. I have told salary cuts showing that his mother was at work all the time and there was nobody else to take him to to get these haircuts beside his big cousin. I also have security camera footage of Mark being offered these uh 60 pluses and Mark slapping them and throwing them in the garbage. So it's it is it is impossible for him to have owned them.
So you just explain explain the older older sister part that they they keep saying.
Oh oh the older sister Your Honor look at this Your Honor. Look at this.
A repossession uh a mail of a repossession of Jordan's car his his big sister's car. She hasn't had a car She hasn't had a car since 2008.
>> [laughter] >> It's a repossession IT'S BEEN REPOSSESSED.
SHE DOESN'T EVEN OWN A CAR. AND look Your Honor she's [laughter] BEEN RENTING A CAR SINCE 2008. WOW! SHE DOESN'T EVEN OWN A CAR YOUR HONOR AND SHE LIVES IN DALLAS NOW YOUR HONOR.
>> [laughter] >> I I SEE I SEE. PERIOD. Okay that's all I need to hear from you Attorney Dylan.
>> [laughter] >> CLOSING STATEMENTS FOR THE PROSECUTOR SIDE. If it please.
[ __ ] this whole [ __ ] they know they know this [ __ ] don't make no sense but you got to just grab some evidence and make that [ __ ] happen bro. It [laughter] might be cool. This is [ __ ] bro.
Oh my Can't you have a witness? I'm just letting y'all know y'all have a witness as well. Oh y'all need a witness? I wish to call a witness to the stand. I have a witness Your Honor. I see Here you go.
Hello. Clutch up clutch up. Who is that?
Hello.
>> Your Honor this >> coworker. is Mark's coworker FROM WALMART. HEY MARK. WHAT? Nice seeing you again. It's Venetia.
>> [laughter] >> I know Your Honor.
I KNOW YOUR HONOR.
HEY DON'T EVER DO THAT. ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, YOU EVIL [ __ ] Shut up.
>> [laughter] >> Now, listen.
Bad dog.
Dog, go ahead. Go ahead.
What is it? What is it?
WHAT'S WHAT'S THIS WITNESS?
YES, WHAT'S THIS COWORKER GOT TO DO WITH THIS? Let me know something.
Mark is not even THIS IS FUNNY.
THANK YOU, GOD DAMN.
I WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU GOT TO SAY.
OKAY. NOW, JESSICA, now Jessica, as you were pushing carts with Mark right before he quit. Yeah, like the two weeks or not even. Yep.
Yep. Yep. Yep. Do you remember Do you remember when you gave [laughter] He said not even. He said not even.
DO YOU REMEMBER IT WAS SO ALL RIGHT. YEAH, BE QUIET OVER HERE. BE QUIET.
GO AHEAD, YOUR HONOR.
NOW, AS THEY WERE pushing carts, do you remember when you gave Mark um some praise for his hairstyle?
Yeah, he had a cool little cut. I liked it. You liked it. Aw.
>> [laughter] >> And then when you asked what gave you the inspiration to get the haircut, what did you say?
Uh I What did he say? What did he say?
Sorry.
Uh Cuz you asked him what what gave him the inspiration for the haircut. What did you say?
He said he said he got it from somebody.
I don't know where he got it from. He said that you know it was a long time ago. I He said he got it from like uh And then he said Uh who who was it? What he said uh Huh?
It was like a It's like it's like I don't know. No, it was like a No, it was like a Was it Lee?
Did it sound like an L? Was it a name that started with an L? No, it was I don't know if it was Lee. I don't know if it was I don't know if He doesn't know if it was I I don't know. It was so long ago.
It must It must have been a hot day for you to remember. It was hot. It was hot when I was pushing them carts all day.
WAS IT ILLEGAL IN MANAGUA?
I I DON'T KNOW.
HE DOESN'T REME- He doesn't remember.
>> [laughter] >> She doesn't remember. I I actually don't remember. This is I don't know why I bring this up. So, like why am I even talking about Could it have been Could it have been Leaf for Source?
D?
Yes.
Your honor, that's it. I rest I rest I rest.
>> Maybe. It [laughter] could have Maybe.
Okay, this witness doesn't know what's going on. WHERE'S YOUR EVIDENCE?
EXACTLY. LEAF AND LOSERS COUNTY.
>> EXACTLY. IT MIGHT BE OVER WITH.
>> [laughter] >> IT MIGHT BE OVER WITH.
This is crazy. Just present YOUR EVIDENCE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE OUTSIDE MEDIA.
>> [laughter] >> I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE OUTSIDE MEDIA.
SHAME ROOM. BREAKING NEWS. SHOCKING NEWS.
OKAY, Y'ALL Y'ALL ABOUT TO LOSE THIS.
Y'ALL ABOUT to lose this because Y'all not putting in ARE Y'ALL TRYING ANYMORE?
YOUR HONOR. [laughter] YES. THERE WE GO. There we go. You got two cards. Talk to each other. I'll let I'll give y'all time. Ben Deadass sold us as a witness, bro.
Yeah, he a Bro, that [ __ ] bro. Bro, these evidences are ass, bro. No, no, deadass Deadass, our witness Our witness deadass didn't do anything for us.
That's crazy, bro.
Yes. Yeah, both the [laughter] attorney Look the attorney cuz he's a And that that [ __ ] Googled cheap lawyers. Yeah.
>> [laughter] >> I don't have no other evidence, your honor. All I want to say is that I'LL BE WELL, THIS COURT IS ADJOURNED. YEAH.
>> [screaming] >> THE ONE WHO GOES FREE IS MARK PHILLIPS.
YEAH.
IT WAS A TOUGH START. IT WAS A TOUGH START, BUT WE FINISHED STRONG. WAIT, HOLD ON. HOLD ON. Hold on, bro. Ben, you're our witness. Why did you not go with anything WE WERE SAYING?
HE'S A WITNESS. NO, I'LL TELL I'LL TELL YOU HEY, LOOK. I'LL TELL you where he sold at.
The [ __ ] sold where he said I worked with me for 2 weeks.
2 weeks?
2 weeks?
I said I said I said it was short amount of time, though. I don't care I remember it was a long time ago.
I don't know. Long time ago. Let me try prosecuting. They said let me try prosecuting. Nah, bro. I get it now, bro. I didn't understand. Even the evidence is improv. I didn't understand that. I thought THAT LIKE [laughter] I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE I'M LIKE, HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? YOU GOT TO deal with whatever whatever the [ __ ] is in that brief man is in that folder, bro. You just got Oh, bro, I bro, my evidence was so ass. It was [ __ ] that didn't make no sense. But you got to make it >> So you got to make it make sense. Yeah, you got to make it, yeah.
That's tough, but bro, okay, okay.
Let's do this.
All right, order in the court. We are now waiting for the prosecutor to present the charges.
>> [clears throat] >> I hope you have a great day, your honor.
You're looking you're looking great, your honor. You have a good one as well.
I appreciate it.
Um We got the jury got the jury here. We got the defendant.
Just listen. Just listen.
Let's make sure that we don't over talk anybody. Right. Okay. Yeah. Yes, your honor. Hold on. Hold on. We're going to Hold on. Hold on.
We're going to let each person present their case. Right. Right. Right. All right. I don't want to have any box coming up out my mallet.
>> [laughter] >> All right. All right. You funny, judge.
You funny. Hey, yeah. Let's let's let's get to it.
Dillon is accused of fake such idiot in a performance of black history. Whoa.
That is that is my line. Uh Dill Yes, your honor. Before we get started, uh I need you to put this put your hand on the on the book of socks.
>> [laughter] >> Yes, sir. Do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth or so help you socks?
Yes, your honor.
I didn't lie. Okay. You stand accused of being a fake idiot in a performative black history expert. How do you plead?
Uh innocent, your honor. That [ __ ] guilty. I got the PROOF RIGHT HERE.
>> [laughter] >> ORDER. ORDER. ORDER. ORDER.
YOU YOU OUTBURST, I'M GOING TO HOLD you in contempt.
>> [laughter] >> Holy [ __ ] All right.
Um so, if the prosecutor could go ahead and present that evidence, uh let's get it going. Yeah, let's go.
[laughter] Let's go. All right, all right. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
So, what evidence do I bring?
Um What did you say? What did you say, YOUR HONOR? WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOUR HONOR?
Uh let's go ahead and uh we're going to allow you to present that evidence.
Here we go.
Is that over here?
Wait, how do you present evidence?
Your honor, what is defined as uh fake sus?
Uh fake sus basically is, you know, you know the terms the kids use these days.
Sus [laughter] stands for suspect. You got an old notebook.
>> What kind of [ __ ] Like I'm fake.
>> One of [ __ ] >> that's a question you want to ask your attorney there.
Oh, broken my brother.
Hey, hey, deal, deal. Am I Am I Am I whispering right now? Am I whispering?
Oh, no, click him, click him. Am I whispering?
No, click him.
Okay. Oh, wait, hold on, real quick, Dre.
So, hey, Dre.
Uh prosecutor So, on this evidence, I have to pick the thing that's closest to what the card is saying?
No, well, you you basically just want to like pick a card and then the gift pop off the card.
You feel me? Okay.
>> make sense?
Yeah. Okay, wait. Okay, hold on.
Hey, Ben.
There's also a secret meeting and then there's a blurry photo. That's another two. I feel like those are probably the top two.
>> Prosecutor, prosecutor, supreme. If we was up like >> Can Can YOU GIVE ME A SECOND? WAIT. WE REALLY BUILDING THIS CASE OVER HERE.
OH, YOU TALKING TO THE JUDGE like that?
Are you crazy? My fault. I'm so sorry.
Look, that's all That's on me. That's on me. I'm sorry. That's on me. I'm just uh just talking with my Do you want to get home? Yes, I want to get home. Hold on, hold on. Present that evidence.
>> I'm talking to I'm talking to the plaintiff. He give me 30 more seconds, please.
Granted.
All right, so the thing said broken vase. So like like if if I'm accusing him of being sus, you would have to come up with a story that involves a broken vase.
Yes, yes, like if he fakes sus, he just invents a broken you know, a fake story about some about the broken vase, you know?
You got this. Okay, okay. I was just trying to make sure that that's what's going on here. Okay.
What's going on? What the [ __ ] Oh, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO. NO.
[screaming] LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.
>> [laughter] >> NO, NO, IT WAS GRAY. IT WAS GRAY, YOUR HONOR.
>> [laughter] >> WHAT?
NO, NO, I GOT IT. I GOT IT. I GOT IT.
OKAY, go ahead. Present. All right, your honor. So, back when Dylan had a Boosie cut fade, he used to always pretend to be very sus towards my my plaintiff Dre's uncle Mark Phillips.
Now, Dre is accusing him of being sus towards his uncle and having a Boosie fade at the same time. That used to happen all the time from 2020 and down.
I just want to let you know that. Now, with the energy drinks, I do want to say every stream that RDC Dylan is on, he is using an energy drink just to have more sus jokes to say towards Drea Carreon's uncle all night.
And there we have it.
Do you you rest your case there?
Um that's just the start of my case, but I will I I want to hear their defense on that first. Uh so, Dill, um how do you how do you plead?
Innocent. Talk to my lawyer now.
Okay. All right, so attorney Dez, your your client accused of Oh, hold on. We got Oh, breaking news breaking news.
Is deal sus? Love y'all.
That's a nice photo. That's a nice photo. Okay, what was he accused of your honor?
Your client is accused of hold on let me look at my No, no, no, no, hold on, hold on. Hold on, he said something specific over there.
Your client is accused of being sus.
And apparently fake black historian. While allowing energy drinks to boost up the suspect [ __ ] Um.
Yes. That's not what I said. That's not what I said your honor. Oh, what did you say? What did you say? I said that he used energy drinks to tell sus jokes on stream all night. Cuz without sus jokes HE CANNOT STAY AWAKE.
>> [laughter] >> SO WHAT I'M HEARING IS that energy drink gives him the boost to keep doing sus.
Yeah, yeah. He gives him the [laughter] boost to be even more suspect but only towards one person, Drake Orion's uncle.
Yep.
Oh my god. Which Drake? He's tired of.
All right, your honor.
>> Okay, is All right.
>> My turn your honor. Yep, you got to click us your honor. I'm about to I'm about to allow you to present. We're going to allow the defense to present their evidence.
Go ahead. Okay, so your honor, um the prosecutor he's accusing us he's accusing my client of being a fake sus.
But I have this um used tissue Oh my god. from my from my client. He was crying one night.
Mhm. And the reason why he was crying was because everybody was calling him fake sus. But really judge he's not >> use? fake sus. He's really sus. So he's not fake sus.
Oh my goodness, the pot calling the kettle black.
Wait, is there is there something about driving in this?
Is there something about driving in this? Hold on. I got I got you. The head of the judge. Can you handle it? Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead, please.
Sit up.
Okay, attorney Dez. Is that No, there's nothing.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, we'll close our case on that because what it's not he's not fake sus here, honey. He's actually sus. So, yeah, go ahead. Okay.
We're going to present We're going to go ahead and uh get back on the prosecutor's side.
Prosecutor Mark Supreme as you heard over there on their side, he says he's not fake sus. He's actually sus.
>> [laughter] >> Would you like to go ahead and encounter that or Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like to counter that. So, the first thing I want to I want to counter with this No, he's actually fake sus cuz I've been out right and I've seen him talk to girls a lot. But here's the one thing I want to say about the salary cuts that I have is that because there were some salary cuts in his business, he started using such jokes to get more and more people involved in this fake relationship between Drake and Chiron's uncle and himself.
>> Yep.
Okay. Do you have any evidence of this?
Uh >> Look at the evidence. We got the salary CUT EVIDENCE. WE I JUST SAID THE THE SALARY CUT. You ain't listening, your honor.
I'm looking at my notes here. Oh, the salary cuts. Okay. Attorney Dez. Yes, sir. Anything to say? Yeah, it's about that night.
It's about the night he just said It's about that night he just talked about.
Wait, it's still MY TIME TO TALK. I GOT THE GREEN. I GOT THE GREEN.
>> NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT GREEN. IT'S NOT NO, HE'S DONE WITH HIS. HE'S DONE WITH HIS, DEZ.
WHO DO WE BUY? I CAN DO BUY TOO, DEZ.
That's good with Dez. Good [ __ ] Good [ __ ] Dez. I talk to girls too. Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead, Prosecutor Mark. Break your nose.
Hold on a second. I want TO CALL OOH.
>> [laughter] >> WHOA. HEY.
HEY, IF BEANS. HEY, you know what? HEY, I CALL I CALL THE WITNESS TO THE STAND.
OKAY.
Prosecutor calls witness to the stand.
Yep. I get hit for it. I'm just telling THE THEY ALL TRYING TO SILENCE THE THE MEDIA.
>> I CALL THE WITNESS TO THE STAND.
THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT. I JUST WANT TO GET BACK TO MY LOVING WIFE.
>> MY BOYFRIEND.
THAT'S MY I JUST WANT TO GET BACK HOME TO MY LOVING WIFE.
>> [laughter] >> OH OH THAT'S HIS BOYFRIEND. WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT. SO WAIT.
THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND. IF THAT'S YOUR IF THAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GET HOME BACK HOME TO Why would he say he wants to get back home to his loving wife?
Um witness, do you have a wife OR DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? HE'S IN THE CLOSET. I DIDN'T KNOW I I didn't know that my business was going to be out here. I didn't know that my business was going to be out here into the public.
That's not your business. DON'T BE STILL.
>> [laughter] >> HE'S DL.
HE DL.
LET THE WITNESS TALK. LET THE WITNESS TALK. ALL RIGHT. HE HE TOLD Go ahead.
Are you going to go ahead and cross examine your witness? I just ASKED HIM A QUESTION. I asked him a question. He just said right when he got to the stand when he just got to the stand, he said he wants to get home back to his loving wife, right?
>> I heard that. So I want to ask him Do you have a loving wife or do you have a loving husband?
Am I Am I able Am I able to speak the truth to you, your honor? Of course you are. In Shaq we trust.
All right. This is a lot to unpack.
Don't be out here lying.
>> [laughter] >> Don't be out here lying.
Don't you mean it's a lot to unroll cuz it ain't no >> out here lying. WHY ARE YOU talking to your witness like that? No. I'm just I'm just I'm just I I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW HOLD ON. WAIT. WAIT. I HEY SIR, I WOULD JUST LIKE to I I would just like to What?
>> witness. We got We got the witness speaking. I would just like to let you know that your hand was on the Bible before you came up here. Your hand was on the Bible.
>> to go public WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP.
>> [screaming] >> HEY, GET THIS [ __ ] OFF THE STAND. THIS [ __ ] LYING.
SO SO, DO YOU HAVE ANY EVIDENCE OF him lying to you?
Yeah, I got to Hold on.
All right, how do I How do I pull this evidence out? It won't let me click it.
It won't let me click it. Right here.
Look. First of all, IF YOU CHECK THEM BOYS' EMAILS, YOU WILL SEE THAT THEY HAVE EMAILS THAT DYLAN WAS TRYING TO GET MY CLIENT PUT IN PUT in jail for lying. Him and Him and them, they've been playing and Dylan's been giving them money under the table. He has a loving wife. He Him and Dylan do not like each other at all.
Dylan only likes Drake's uncle. That is it.
Well, he fake likes.
>> [laughter] >> So, what do you have to say about those emails?
Anything that you got to say about those emails, witness?
It's 2026, your honor. Nobody's emailing anymore, if we're being honest. Oh, that's another lie. ANOTHER LIE. NOBODY'S EMAILING?
NOBODY NOBODY'S EMAILING?
HE'S CALLING OUR EVIDENCE FAKE, YOUR HONOR.
NOBODY'S EMAILING?
THAT'S NOT ME, YOUR HONOR. I told you what I said at the beginning.
He's been trying to me.
So so so you're telling me your email is not Man, THE JOURNALIST IS NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION. HE'S WATCHING A BASKETBALL GAME.
>> THAT IS INDEED MY EMAIL. Like I told [laughter] you at the beginning of my first question with my first question being asked, I said that he did not want to go public with our relationship.
That you were paid for it. Cuz you can pay both sides. You know what?
Dismissed. Wait, but he what?
No, no, no, no, NO.
>> ANSWER THE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE SHADY EMAILS. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, it's all good. We already got him on the on the on the email list. Uh, you can go back.
Uh, that works in your favor, prosecutor Mark. Don't you worry about it.
>> Thank you.
>> What? I'm sorry. I didn't want to be a bother. No, no, no, no, no, no, you get ON THE STAND. YOU GET ON THE STAND.
YOU GET ON THE STAND AND LIE AGAIN, I'mma have Officer my bad, I'mma have Officer Jackson bonk you on your snout. You get up here. I got him. Yep. Uh, let that be a lesson.
Don't do that.
>> Our turn? We're going to allow the defense to present some present some evidence.
>> Is he getting off the stand? To combat this. I can't go back to my seat and get up here and get up here.
Okay, your honor. How do I get him off the stand? Hold on. What the hell?
You hit the blue >> The uh, the one with the eye on it. The one with the eye on it.
In the red. Oh, okay, bet.
No, it's the blue again. No, now you now you check you check Why you turning this [ __ ] TO A PIECE OF BREAD?
>> WHAT THE [ __ ] NO, I'm the president, [laughter] so you watch your tone. Oh.
All right.
All right. Uh. We're going to allow the president and our defense to present some evidence. Yes, this is uh I'm turning to the defense, I just want you to know. Yeah.
Our witness, we did catch him in a lie.
Once we got that emails on my desk uh, and I quote, one second.
Uh, how do I put this gavel down? Okay, here we go. I'm probably looking at my notes here. Sorry about that. Uh Yeah.
Um, we caught him in that lie on that email. Uh You want to you got any evidence to present? Yeah, um What did the email say? What did the email say? Yeah.
Uh, the email says basically it was him >> That transaction confirming that he indeed had a he indeed did have a wife.
A loving wife at that. Got you.
>> And y'all was in no relationship, so he got up here and lied. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah? Okay, okay. All right, all right.
No, no, let me I I I'LL TAKE THIS I'll take this. Let me defend you. Let me defend you. I got it.
Uh, right now I'mma present the defense.
Thank you.
>> Go ahead and bring evidence. Here you go.
>> Thank you. Okay, your honor.
So, basically, what I'm saying is right now, you remember that whole story about them going out and um you know, they were um he was talking to girls. He seen they seen that he was talking to girls and everything, sir. Your honor.
So, right now >> referring to? So, right now, I'm cuz he was talking to girls. He he was saying that he was talking to girls at a club earlier. Uh-huh. Okay.
>> Yeah. Um wait, yeah. I'm You got to You got to pick my turn, your honor. You got to pick my turn.
It's all It's the the ball's in your court. No, you got to hit hit it again.
>> go. So, I have this blurry photo Okay. Okay. of my client KISSING THEIR WITNESS. WHAT? HOLD ON. OH MY GOD, I'M SO EMBARRASSED.
>> HOLD ON. AND WHAT? HOLD ON, IT'S MY TURN. IT'S MY TURN. OBJECTION.
OBJECTION, CARRION. It's still the defense. I HAVE A BLURRY PHOTO OF MY WITNESS KISSING their witness.
And their witness is lying ABOUT BEING DL. MY CLIENT IS BI. OH MY GOD. HE'S BI. YOUR HONOR, REMEMBER IT'S A BLURRY PHOTO. BLURRY.
STOP. STOP. HOLD ON. ORDER.
ORDER.
IS THAT A GIRL, SAQUA, or a boy, Saqua?
I want from you, Carrion. I'm holding you in contempt.
Might have been a girl.
>> Okay. All right, defense attorney does.
Yes.
>> With AI and all this nonsense going on, we don't even do Photoshop no more. We got AI. We got super high definition cameras. What do you What is this on my desk of a blurry photo in 2026?
Well, yeah. WHY ISN'T IT'S WHY ISN'T THE PHOTO CLEAR? THE PHOTO HEY. HEY. HEY. I GOT IT. I GOT IT. If your honor, they were out that night getting drunk.
>> It's a Polaroid.
>> It's a Polaroid picture. And they were out there getting drunk.
>> drunk. And you can tell in that picture that my client was kissing on a man that night. And he also talked to girls because what? He's bisexual.
Let me look at my notes here.
So, let me get this straight. WHO WAS IN THE PICTURE? THE GIRL OR THE BOY? 2026 The boy, you idiot. Now, stay over there. Be quiet.
Hold on, so let me So, let me get this straight.
In 2026, you telling me Okay? Yeah. A Polaroid picture was taken.
It's a vibe.
It's a vibe. Yeah.
It's like it's a vibe.
So, who took Who took this photo?
It was a friend of the It was a friend of of my client's, your honor.
They were all drunk. They were getting lit that night. It was lit as a [ __ ] Okay.
Okay. And I also have this EVIDENCE OF A SITUATION THAT HAPPENED, YOUR HONOR.
You got it now? You got more evidence?
>> Yes, IT WAS A SITUATION THAT HAPPENED.
OKAY. THAT MY CLIENT WAS ACTUALLY kissing another man.
So, he isn't fake sus. He's actually sus.
They keep saying the same thing, can't Okay.
All right, so we got We got We got We got We got We got some evidence here. We got We got a blurry photo in which uh to be honest uh Attorney Diaz, I'm going to be 100% with you.
I low-key can't take this BECAUSE IT'S 2026.
WHAT? THE What up?
Your honor.
I got the gavel. Listen to what I'm saying. Okay.
It's 2026.
If I see a picture of a UFO, I want it in 4K. We got all these 4K quality cameras and you mean to tell me you couldn't catch your man in the act?
This is LJ and I You mean to You mean to tell me with all these 4K cameras and all this technology, we can't get a single I'm not asking for three or two.
I'm asking just for one clear photo. I don't know who is who is on this picture right here. But I gave you a situation, judge. Do you want me to give you another situation that happened? Cuz I can.
Please. All right. Here's another situation.
It was a meeting. Hey, BUT AND IN THAT SECRET meeting he MET UP WITH THEIR WITNESS AGAIN AND THEY SHARED AN AWKWARD KISS.
Oh my god, it was not [ __ ] awkward.
>> witnesses of this?
THIS WAS THEIR FIRST KISS, YOUR HONOR.
It was a secret meeting between both of them. And you knocked down that one vase. It was an Indian vase. It was a sacred Indian vase. Why did that [ __ ] give a [ __ ] WHY DID HE GIVE A [ __ ] HE DIDN'T GIVE A THERE IT IS. SO I'M GOING TO HIT THEM WITH LOOK, WHAT I'M GOING TO HIT THEM WITH IS THIS. THEY CAN TALK ABOUT ALL THAT SUS [ __ ] THAT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT.
BUT DID HE MAN, All right, come on. [laughter] COME ON.
CAN WE GO, YOUR HONOR? DYLAN, PLEASE.
CAN WE GO, YOUR HONOR?
OKAY, so here's what we going to do.
>> A witness, YOUR HONOR. I'D LIKE TO CALL MY WITNESS, DYLAN.
I'D LIKE TO CALL MY WITNESS, DYLAN, YOUR HONOR.
NO, YOUR HONOR, PLEASE. HE'S BEEN TALKING FOR 30 MINUTES. HE HE HE HAS BEEN >> [laughter] >> HOLD ON. ORDER.
>> He presented four Order.
>> Thank you. You will not be cussing at me in my courtroom. That's on me. That's on me. Okay, here's what we going to do.
We're going to We're going to present We're going to give the prosecutor the the the the the ball. We're going to put the You know what I'm saying? We're going to let the prosecutor talk. Oh, breaking news. I gave you situa- I gave you real life situations that actually happened, your honor. I just want you to let that I just wanted to let you know that.
>> [laughter] >> Real life situations that happened. He has to gave one. We going to We going to We going to bring the prosecutor up for the closing arguments.
And then we going to allow the defense to bring up their witness.
And then we going to deliver a verdict.
All right. Okay, so All right, first I want to argue I want to argue a few of the evidence they brought up. The secret meeting that he said he had in the park with the with the with the white man. Of course Of course they did meet in a in a in a secret place so they can discuss how much money they were going to continue giving each other, right? Because Dylan got mad and knew that emails would be brought up so instead he wanted to be in person where nobody can nobody can track anything.
Hold on, hold on. Let me I got the emails. Remember the emails just stopped at A WEIRD ASS POINT. WHY WOULD THEY JUST STOP TALKING LIKE THAT?
SO THEY HAD TO MEET UP IN person which he confirmed. Number two, hold on, let me keep going. The the photo blurry in 2026? [ __ ] everybody got iPhone what? What number are we on? Who taking blurry photos?
What?
Being drunk what is that got TO DO WITH ANYTHING? THAT IPHONE STILL GOING TO COME UP WITH GREAT QUALITY AND YOU CAN EVEN HOLD IT. THERE'S LIVE PHOTOS. You can hold the live photo and it should be able to move around and show you, right?
>> Hey Dre. Your >> which is why which is why they're going to call their witness to the stand.
>> All right, and before they call their witness to the stand All right, listen. But before they call their witness to the stand >> [laughter] >> HEY LEE, CAN YOU CAN YOU SHUT UP [ __ ] HEY, BEFORE THEY CALL THEIR WITNESS TO THE STAND, your honor, I just want to say Dylan was accused of more than one thing and one of the things he was accused of was being a fake Indian. Tell me why Drake Corazon walked into his his hotel, right? Knocked over A SACRED INDIAN VASE AND HE DID NOT [clears throat] GIVE A AT ALL. HE DIDN'T GIVE NOT A SINGLE HEY J. HEY. OKAY. Call the witness back up. Call the witness back up. Okay, babe.
Sacred Indian vase? Hold on.
A lot of those.
Okay. Any any anything else?
Um, yes. I WOULD HAVE CALLED I WOULD HAVE CALLED THE WITNESS UP.
It says first time out before we call your witness.
DEFENSE DEZ >> WHAT? IT'S WHAT? IT'S OUR TURN.
BUT THEY WAS GOING TO CALL THEIR WITNESS BEFORE >> HE SAID HE TALKED FOR 30 MINUTES. HE DIDN'T HAVE NO [ __ ] AIN'T OUR FAULT.
NO, LET HIM LET HIM LET HIM FINISH HIS TURN. THEY WERE RIGHT. THEY were They were presenting evidence in their defense. What?
You used to let them finish their turn, all right? So that way you could just It could just be one to the other, right?
But if he called you up, then that won't be fair to the defense because I didn't allow them to call a witness YET. BOY, [ __ ] IT. HEY, LISTEN, BOY. HEY, LISTEN, BOY. [ __ ] THAT. HERE'S ANOTHER PIECE OF EVIDENCE RIGHT HERE. IF If he was really sus IF IT OH, WHAT? WHAT YOU HIT ME FOR?
WHAT YOU MEAN DO? What you mean do? Hey, no. No. Who?
Who? Who? Who? Who?
Says one more If he has one more Got it.
Got it.
>> [laughter] >> He said what?
Okay, bet. And the stream, then how So why he forget to pay the bill? He had money to pay the bill or not? Which one?
He didn't have no money, so he kept on trying to RUN THOSE FAKE STORIES UP, AND HE was paying He He ran out of money because HE WAS PAYING THE THE WITNESS TO KEEP ON TRYING TO KEEP THIS STORY UP. HE RAN OUT. HE COULDN'T PAY THE BILL NO MORE. HE NEEDED THE FAKE SUS STORIES TO KEEP GOING.
And that's it. I rest my case. Let me release this, please. Your Honor, let me release this, please. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.
You got to go back. You got to go back so I can RELEASE IT. OH, AND WE ASKED FOR A WITNESS. That you Or what? You don't have to You don't have to Uh Don't worry about it. You don't You don't have to uh whisper. Defense that is. We are going Yes.
Okay. Call in the the defense. The president Oh, God bless America.
>> [laughter] >> Oh my God, so handsome. All right. Okay, dude. Mr. President.
Mr. President.
Yes, sir. This you have Oh, this is a situation.
>> You have evidence. Actually, you have proof cuz you're the president of the United States that he's 100% Indian.
Well, I mean, if I do have a lot of things that are classified and I cannot share that with common folks such as yourself. I see. I see. I see. Um >> [laughter] >> He [ __ ] me. I'm not liking this. In in in in the court in the court of law for justice, he can't. No, I got you. I got you. Well, uh Mr. President in Mr. President, well, in the court of law you have you have you have to have evidence. That's that's that's it's in the court of law.
It's okay.
Not if it compromises my oath.
Hey, President, these type of judges you don't allow in your courtrooms.
It doesn't compromise your What exactly are you asking from me, son? I'm trying to wrap this up, please. It's just your civil duty to tell the truth. That that's what it is.
What exactly are you asking from me?
>> Tony Dad's, wrap this up, please. To to confirm that I'm To confirm that he's 100% Indian.
Yeah, well, by by his 23andMe, he is in fact 100% Indian, but I Thank YOU. THANK YOU.
CASE NO FURTHER QUESTIONS. NO FURTHER QUESTIONS, YOUR HONOR. NO FURTHER QUESTIONS. No further questions. No further questions. That's cool.
>> Okay. I I and I got to answer. Do you have any other pieces of evidence to present to the court?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, do you?
>> No, Your Honor. You boring me, bonking [ __ ] Okay. All right, at this time we're going to allow the prosecutor to bring up their witness.
Okay, this is the witness.
>> we're going to deliver the verdict. I just got Okay, I just got one question.
I got one question.
>> Hey, I Wait, hold on. Hold on. Hold on one second, uh Mr. Phillips. uh [ __ ] I ain't going to lie to you, man. I read off all the paper that you told me to read off about the situation.
>> torturing me back here.
>> Okay, I got something to say. You heard that?
>> [laughter] >> I ran out of I ran out of paper. You know what? You know what? This this this CASE IS CLOSED. WAIT. WHAT?
YES. I DIDN'T GET TO SAY NOTHING. WHAT?
THIS THIS THIS CASE is closed. Lock him up. YES.
WHAT? DYLAN BEING A FAKE INDIAN WAIT, YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET ME FINISH. 23 IS ME OR SHUT DOWN, [ __ ] NOBODY USE THAT ANYMORE. IT'S NOT ACCURATE. IT WAS PROVEN THAT. NOW, CLOSE IT. NOW, CLOSE IT.
LOOK, LET HIM COOK. IN THE IN THE IN THE CASE of Dylan being uh sus Wait, my bad. Let me look at them at these notes here. Man, In the case of Dylan being accused of being a fake Indian and a fake black historian, Hey, hey, hey, I really appreciate you. He's not fake sus. I had situation.
>> I demand a retrial. Unjust.
That's about RIGHT. THANK YOU, UH THANK YOU, SIR.
THAT WAS UNJUST AS [ __ ] >> Evidence table cons- Des, you almost talked yourself out of it. You almost talked yourself out of the win. I literally said that I ran out of the paper that >> [laughter] >> that he gave me. wait, what was it? You used 23 is me, right, as your last argument?
Yeah. [ __ ] that whole shut down.
>> [laughter] >> How's that How is that That's not a good closing argument, either.
>> No, no, Leland used it. No, Leland used it. He just brought it up. But, he's a president. He showed up with all documentation. Yeah, no, that But, that's what Des No, THAT'S WHAT DES SAID. HE SAID HE'S 100% INDIAN.
NO, the witnesses were 100% against him.
The witness was not [ __ ] with you. It was not helping your case. NO, THE WITNESS DIDN'T SAY THAT. He didn't want to be exposed for the for the sus [ __ ] Yo, but they hold up at the end.
HE OWE ME BY ACTING LIKE HE AIN'T HAVE NO WIFE. THAT [ __ ] A WHOLE THE [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> HE A WHOLE THE [ __ ] That's what the hell. And why why is ChatGPT only working on all evidence?
Like, he gave me the paper. Then, I ran out of it. Why is ChatGPT not work on y'all [ __ ] Nah, CP just a bad judge. No, he really is, though. You wouldn't let [ __ ] finish what they was saying. What?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Y'ALL WAS TALKING OVER EACH OTHER. [ __ ] was talking for 4 minutes a piece. I felt LIKE I WAS BEING based on THAT [laughter] NIGGA'S TALK SO GOD DAMN LONG. [ __ ] That [ __ ] That judge he got no emotional control. Dre I don't know what Dre and Ray can do Leland, but we got to lock him.
We got We got to lock We got to lock Or maybe no night rain chance.
Yeah, [ __ ] you guys. Hey Jay, hold me Hey, look at me bro. Oh, you can't Hey, hold me down bro.
You know what I'm saying? We bring you the hottest news, breaking news, shocking news from this court case. You had a four You had a 4.98 rating bro. I I need I need to see that today. Okay, we got prosecutor Ray. I mean prosecutor Dre.
And his client HOG Ray.
We have the defendant attorney Mark Supreme with his client Mystic Leland. I'm right here.
We got journalist Ippy on the on the on the easel. We got Dez as the bailiff today and we have that CP HOG CP as a juror and then we have let's see let's see let's see we have a Prosecutor's has Santa Claus as their witness and the defendants has Doggie as their defendant I mean their witness.
[music] Hey hey hey, Leland is accused of falsely accusing Ray of egoing him.
Leland is accused of falsely accusing Ray of egoing him.
Currently serving jail time.
Wait, egoing him? Okay, let's just let them Let's let them go. Let them go.
Listen listen listen.
Okay, so I had I had a phone number of Ray right?
And he he a phone number cuz I tried to call this [ __ ] before because you know Ray has he was a [ __ ] Ray always got two phones and [ __ ] right?
And I had a a number from a a Vegas number that back when this [ __ ] lived in Vegas and he swore that he never had a Vegas phone number. So, I called that though I called that hoe while he was on stream one day and it and it wasn't his number no more. So, I said that he egoed me and he said [ __ ] I never had a Vegas number. I said [ __ ] how many [ __ ] named Ray do I know that was in Vegas?
Sent by Ray. [ __ ] that was his number and he acting like he didn't. By the way, you feel me? Okay. of Ray literally inviting him to his dinner for his birthday.
Okay. for his birthday. It was Ray's birthday. Leland did not LELAND DID NOT SHOW UP. OH.
>> OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. SO, you know, to to us it looks like my my you know, my my my defendant right here or or you know, whatever he is you know, my my client.
Uh he got Egon and he's he's currently serving a jail time for a crime he did not commit.
Yes. Wait, who's who's serving jail time? Wait, I'm currently serving jail time, your honor. And I am serving jail time because I was accused and convicted of Egon Leland using a number that he said I had and I didn't. Okay, got you. Okay, I got you. But that has nothing to do with this case. So, I I won't want to bring that into the Yeah, uh jurors, please disregard that information. Does not uh relevant to this case.
Is reopening case. This is a different This is a different trial.
No, that's a different trial. This This today's trial is Leland accused of falsely accusing Ray of Egon. It has nothing to do with you and your followed phone numbers. Yeah, that's the previous trial. I got you.
Yeah, he's reopening the case, your honor.
Okay. Okay, this is a retrial. Egon and him win.
Uh now attorney attorney Mark, he was not here doing this. He was represented by another sock fellow.
A two sock. Wait, y'all use a y'all using an argument from last time? I didn't read the notes. Yeah, I said that we shouldn't have did the same case. Yo, bro, I don't think we should do the same case if y'all did it, right?
It was a It was a It was a false false accusation.
I'm doing jail time, cousin. I want to be free. Yes. So, so So, Ray, right now you're you're you're you're upset because you invited Leland and he didn't show up to your party? Like I'm trying to Hey, your honor, this stuff the people don't want to read this in the newspapers. I sued him for defamation of character. Defamation of character for Okay. Claude Claude is being guilty again, bro.
See?
No, I'm going to I'm going to give him a fair trial. No, I'm going to give him I'm going to give him a fair trial.
Okay. You have anything else you want to say right here in your opening?
Uh yes. We actually We actually found from the source from Leland himself, he actually admitted It's a retrial. to in fact not being egoed by me. He admitted it.
I ain't going to lie. Like like >> [laughter] >> Hey hey Did you not come to Did you not come to your broken iPhone?
Okay, broken phone. Okay. Broken phone.
Right? Right. So, what actually happened was my client's phone was broke.
When when Leland texted him, his phone was broke. Okay. But he texted the wrong number. He texted the wrong He texted the entirely wrong number CUZ MY CLIENT GOT A NEW PHONE. MY CLIENT GOT AN ENTIRELY NEW PHONE, RIGHT? BRO, NO. They They just made some [ __ ] up. I could be egoed. The whole thing is about me calling Rayon stream. The number of that phone that Leland texted It wasn't his number. It was not >> number of the phone of the past number.
He was accused of being egoed. And your honor of him egoing me.
>> We went over >> We should not be doing this. Leland read off a number that was not my cell phone number or my broken phone number.
>> I I I I I don't even know what's going on anymore. And he admitted it.
Okay. Okay, got it. Got it.
Okay. Okay. All right. All right. I I can't whisper cuz my hand's behind my back. No, I got it. I got it. I got it.
Uh Are we Okay, so I'll defend it. Your honor.
Yeah. Can you state exactly what these [ __ ] is accusing this [ __ ] I get I get your confusion, uh Tony Marks Supreme. So, uh last time on last time episode we we did this. Uh Leland accused Ray of egoing him by cuz he's saying Leland said he messages Ray and Ray did not respond.
>> He also said he called. Leland messaged Ray, and he did not respond. Okay. And Ray did not respond pretty much, right?
And Okay. uh Ray was >> it out.
Ray was >> Ray read OFF A SHUT UP, [ __ ] LET THE GODDAMN JUDGE TALK.
>> RAY WAS PROVEN YEAH, you got to shut up.
Yeah, okay. You got to be quiet. Okay, Ray was Ray Ray was Ray was proven guilty.
>> I got you. Ray was proven Thank Thank you. Thank you, Bailiff Des. Ray was proven guilty and he's been in jail since then. And so now he's trying to This is a This is a mistrial and he's trying to, you know, get to clear his freedom his innocence.
I didn't admit to that [ __ ] And appeal. I don't know what y'all got going on in the past, but this They falsely accusing Ray of ego in him.
Right?
>> He said He said appeal.
Look, so I'm a Who WHO'S WATCHING WHO'S WATCHING THE [ __ ] in my courtroom? WHO IS THAT? TURN OFF CELL PHONES.
TURN OFF CELL PHONES. TURN HIM INTO A CHICKEN. Turn him into a chicken. I don't know. I don't [ __ ] with that.
Yeah, I got you.
Turn him into a chicken. I got you, Judge.
>> All right. Thank you. Thank you. All right.
>> All right. Defend Uh defense, let's go.
Okay, all I wanted to say really quickly, if Wait, falsely accusing him Ray of ego in him.
Is someone still watching? Who has the phone? Who is that?
>> Okay. Who is that? Well, I don't know.
I don't I don't know who that is.
Listen, all I want to say is ALL I [ __ ] SHUT UP. [laughter] THEN LET ME GO, [ __ ] BRO, WHAT THE [ __ ] is going on, bro?
Look, what I'm going Hey, man. I'm confused, too. I don't know why the [ __ ] we SUING THIS [ __ ] >> [laughter] >> ALL RIGHT. Everyone's confused. I don't know. You might have to dismiss All right. IF WE DON'T IF LISTEN, HE JUST ADMITTED HE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THE [ __ ] HE'S SUING HIM. SO, all I'm going to say is right off the bat, his lawyer ain't even fighting for him.
So, we we won the case.
>> [laughter] >> All right. Here you go. You got I'm going to give you I'm going to give you one I'm going to give you ONE MORE CHANCE. WHAT?
[ __ ] IS A [ __ ] >> WHAT YOU GOT TO SAY real quick? What What you got to say real quick, Ray?
Lock in, Your Honor. Leland Leland already read off a number that was a Las Vegas area code. I've never owned a Las Vegas area code phone number.
You lived in Vegas. He lived in Vegas.
Hold on a second. years. In that PHOTO I JUST GAVE you judge.
IT'S A BLURRY PHOTO.
In that photo what In that photo you you can MAKE OUT A SHORT ASS [ __ ] and Leland and they was in Vegas.
We were on the strip. We were on the strip.
Ray was walking away from Leland.
That's all I want to [ __ ] that means he didn't want to take a photo with him for real. So somebody just snapped a pic and he was walking out. And talking crazy. So he did ego him. He didn't falsely accuse him of ego him. He actually ego'd him.
Your honor. Listen.
Listen your Listen your honor. That picture could have been any context in the world and he just made that context up. So let me tell you what happened.
Per my Per my client, right?
They were taking the picture. Ray wanted to get a off guard. You know how to You know how to You know how the young [ __ ] be. He trying to get a off guard picture. He tried to get a off guard picture. And that that has If he's with him in the first place he cannot be possibly egoing him. You know how the young [ __ ] be? None of these [ __ ] is young, your honor.
Listen what what what I'm not a Present your case.
What you got to say Leland?
What you got to say Leland?
I had a contact in my phone named Ray and he was in Vegas.
What's wrong with HIS MOUTH?
LOOK.
WHAT YOU DO TO HIM DES? [screaming] OH MY GOD, YO. What is happening? Yo, what did you do to him?
OH MY GOD, HEY.
UM YO YOU COME UP. HE did not COME BACK RIGHT.
SPEAK TO ME.
MAN, I'M TURNING THIS [ __ ] OFF.
>> [laughter] >> YOU COULD HAVE accused Leland of of of being sorry at games. You could have accused him of like there's so many things you could accuse this [ __ ] of and you want to accuse him of something that happened last time. Make this [ __ ] guilty bro. Let's move on bro. I have never owned a 702 area code on my cell phone. Bro, make this make him guilty. I'm I'm sorry I'm sorry Ray.
It's It's It's not It's not enough It's not enough information man. You didn't come with nothing new. Absolute absolute clankers.
You literally said Leland is guilty.
Why you even GET A FAIR CHANCE TO DEFEND? MY [ __ ] BOY THAT SORRY ASS CASE.
That was the sorriest case a [ __ ] could have ever did.
>> [music]
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