21/05 - Blair Waldorf e o controle como identidade: Perfeição, validação e o medo de não ser esco...

Added: 2026-05-27

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[00:01:00]Hi everyone, how are you? Good afternoon everybody. I already saw that people were greeting me.

[00:01:09]Good afternoon, Paula. Good afternoon, Marina.

[00:01:12]Good afternoon everyone.

[00:01:15]How great that you're all here today so we can talk about such an interesting topic, one that's very much related to pop culture, right? So it's a topic that brings many nuances, because here we're doing an analysis of a character who is emblematic, when we talk about the one from the Gospel Girl series.

[00:01:37]So, for everyone who watched the series, when we talk about Blair, it automatically generates a mix of emotions, a mix of feelings, right?

[00:01:47]And so it's very interesting that we can do it here, right? Well, to bring that perspective to her personality, right? To be able to talk about the psychological, behavioral, and emotional nuances regarding this character, you know. Good afternoon, Milena.

[00:02:07]Good afternoon, Nilma Wlder. Good afternoon everyone.

[00:02:12]Thank you so much, everyone, for being here today. So, today we're going to focus a lot on the entire development of this character, and we're also going to reflect on the things that happened to her, family issues, relationship issues, social life, and social status as well.

[00:02:41]So we'll be able to build several different structures around it, right?

[00:02:47]Oh, thank you, Nilma. I'm very happy to know that you enjoy the lectures. Very happy indeed. And Milena, it's great that you mentioned being in love with Blair, which makes you excited. That's it, folks. Let's come with that enthusiastic energy. And you can always tell me, okay? What region of Brazil are you from? Are you a psychologist, a psychology student, or someone from another field of study? Feel free to participate, because as I always say in my lectures, I'm very happy to meet you and have this interaction through the chat, okay? I'm always here following the chat, right?

[00:03:25]So much so that I usually have two screens here at my events, because I like to keep up with you all, seeing what you're saying.

[00:03:34]And here in the other part too, right, moving on to the introduction.

[00:03:38]Hey, cool, psychology students.

[00:03:42]Milena said she is a psychologist.

[00:03:45]Very good, everyone. That's it. So, she's a character with a lot of depth that we can really analyze, right?

[00:03:54]Okay, so let's do this, shall we? Oh, I'm going to read the comment that Éder posted, you know, that she's an intriguing character, right? Oh, that's great, following along from Feira de Santana. Oh, that's great. Great, Éder, very good. That's really cool. Okay, so let's go and look at those points. In addition to speaking at today's event to inform you all, I'm also coordinating today's event, so I'm also responsible for giving the verification speech, okay? The word verification refers to the certification process. So, remember that in the case of the social group, whoever is in the social group will later receive the form for the certification process, okay? And in the special section, there's another form, okay? So, each of you in your groups will receive a form to fill out, but you'll need the word, okay? So, at the end of the presentation I'll say the verification word, okay? I'll do the repetition three times, and then you guys write it down, okay? So let's go. Let's begin.

[00:05:12]Look, there are people from Alagoas, how cool, also studying psychology. That's what I find so incredible, you guys from different regions of Brazil, right? So, this shows how technology is really great in this respect, right? We can come together and have this moment, even if we 're geographically a little far apart, right? So let's go. So here on the first slide we're going to look at this issue of perfection, validation, and the fear of not being chosen, right? Control as a hallmark of her identity. So we're going to take a closer look at this process, right?

[00:05:53]Why do you think she developed this need to control things?

[00:05:58]Why do you think she had this urge to stand out, to have a lot of attention on her?

[00:06:11]How did that process develop, you know, with that character?

[00:06:16]So, we're going to do a full analysis of all of this here, okay? OK.

[00:06:22]Okay, everyone? This is a brief introduction of myself that I usually give to those who do n't know me yet.

[00:06:28]Well, I've been a psychologist for quite a few years now, I work in the clinical area and I also delve deeper and research, you know, I'm in the legal and forensic segment of psychology. So much so that all my specializations delve into those areas. So, there's also the part about forensic psychology, right, that I mentioned. So, there are courses related to this, specializing in criminal profiling, abusive relationships, gender violence, sexuality, forensic sexology. So, within my training, I've been delving deeper into this whole field, which I see has added a lot to both my clinical and legal practice, okay everyone?

[00:07:20]Besides being a psychologist, I'm also a professor and supervisor, so I also supervise internships for students in their final year of college.

[00:07:35]I also supervise clinical internships, and I give lectures and coordinate events here at BRAPS. More often than not, when I coordinate certain events, they have a strong forensic nature, right? So I usually bring up many topics related to the core of forensics, you know, forensic psychology, the area of ​​investigative psychology, also topics from the legal field, but I also bring up many topics focused on relationships, issues related to women, you know, in my lectures, right?

[00:08:12]So, that's why talking about Blair, I see that it brings a great deal of richness when we start to do some research on the feminine, right, and on the space she occupies.

[00:08:25]Last week, uh, if anyone missed that lecture, I recommend it. For those who like the Gospel Girl universe, I mentioned Chuck B, right? I'll mention him here, but last week's lecture focused precisely on him, right?

[00:08:43]So, for those who didn't watch the lecture, I recommend watching it later because you'll see that some of the information I'm saying here about Blair connects with some of what was said about Chuck, okay?

[00:08:58]Well, it's based on those nuances, right? I'll also leave my social media links there, right? So there's my professional page, missantiago. For those who want to follow the events I coordinate, the events where I speak, I usually post about them on my page, okay? So, if you want to keep up with future releases, you can follow me there. If you have any questions, feel free to ask anything in direct messages. Even topics related to psychology, okay? So, if you have any questions about the core of psychology, feel free to ask. I always take the time to respond to you all with lots of care, okay? And also, guys, I have my book club, okay? What is desire?

[00:09:48]So, in my book club, we have interviews with writers, and other topics, but I really like to bring up themes and recommendations, especially of books, because the focus of the book club is to recommend books and series, and to start creating spaces for conversation, like the topic of dark romance. So these are things that I talk about, you know, on my other Instagram page, okay? But everything related to lectures and events can be found on my page missantiago.pspi, okay? I can only express my sincere gratitude to BRAPs for the opportunity to have been here for quite some time now, partnering with them and giving lectures, and also coordinating some events. I can only express my gratitude. Okay, guys, let's do this, okay? Hey everyone, regarding the lectures that have already taken place, keep an eye on the BRAPS page, okay? Yeah, the lectures, recordings, and everything else. So, follow the BRAPS page, okay? There's also BRAPS, which has great discounts, okay everyone? So that you can have access to various events that have already taken place.

[00:11:11]So, get in touch, okay? Check out their page and see what events have already taken place. And then you always mention in the comments, right, that you're interested in them talking to you, okay?

[00:11:28]So, let's take this step, okay?

[00:11:33]Okay, let's go then.

[00:11:37]Now, let's start talking about the main characteristics of our character, okay? Okay? So, what are its main characteristics? So, let's go.

[00:11:50]Well, Blair, she brings up a lot of issues about perfection, linked both to a social and an emotional aspect.

[00:12:01]She brings up the issue of a sense of being a queen, connected to an identity.

[00:12:08]It always brings up this behavioral aspect of control. It's very much a matter of elegance, of sophistication in the way one presents oneself, in the way one relates, and very much this aspect of power, as well as the defense mechanism.

[00:12:26]So, just to think a little bit about these central points at the beginning, okay? So, regarding perfection in social and emotional terms, what is the difference when we talk about this sense of perfection in one area versus another? When we talk about the social aspect, it will intersect with aesthetics, it will strongly relate to the way I present myself, the way I position myself, the way I speak. So it has a lot to do with this whole dynamic of expressiveness in relation to other people, right, in relation to the spaces she occupies.

[00:13:05]And the emotional aspect is a matter for her to deal with on her own. So, during the series, we'll see, and I'll comment on, her maternal figure, right? The father figure. Yes, but we observe that her mother brings up major issues related to the pressure Blair faces, considering that her mother is a very prestigious person in her work, working in the fashion industry, in the clothing and all that. Well, it's really interesting to observe, and it's something that really stands out in the series, Blair's clothes, right? These are clothes that bring a lot of elegance, a lot of aesthetics, they have a romantic feel, a kind of vintage, retro style, so much so that there's even one episode I remember where she imagines herself in the place of the Breakfast at Tiffany's doll. So, the first thing that comes to mind when we think of Blair is her clothes.

[00:14:07]So, the whole issue also revolves around the mother, and the mother's work, her profession, it will very much have that aspect, right? And when we talk about the issue of emotional perfection, it 's very much about not being able to make mistakes, not being able to fail. That's a point we'll address in more detail shortly, okay? But it's as if anything that could touch upon a vulnerability is forbidden.

[00:14:35]And that's something her mother tries very hard to emphasize to her, right? How vulnerable can she be?

[00:14:42]So, it ends up creating a lot of rigidity, right? It really does create a lot of rigidity in that aspect of self-criticism, you know?

[00:14:51]The question of the sense of queen, right, as a kind of identity, uh, there's a term, right, when we talk, for example, about groups, uh, that even in, thinking about pop culture, right, in the movie Mean Girls there's Regina George and she's called, right, in the movie, the Queen Bee.

[00:15:15]So, it's very much a question of leadership, right? So, it's the person who occupies a role, a leadership position within a group. And we can see that Blair brings that, right?

[00:15:28]She also brings what is demanded of her, what she demands of others, but that's because she demands it of herself all the time.

[00:15:38]I'll also talk a bit about her relationship, her friendship with Serena, precisely because it's as if Serena brings out aspects that she envies, and that generates some rivalries between them, right?

[00:15:53]And you can tell that it's largely on Blair's side. It's not that Serena can't also have some issues with Blair, but we can see that Blair has more discomfort, more anxieties regarding Serena, and they are best friends. But it's very interesting to observe how fundamental this position of status and power is to her. She can't lose this position, she can't lose this place. But then there's the question: is this what she truly wants, or is it something that has been imposed on her? How many times in life are we occupying a role, positioning ourselves, in a certain way, and it 's not necessarily something that comes from our core, from what we want?

[00:16:47]Well, what we desire isn't always what we truly want. And I usually like to say this because if we look at Blair in several moments, she brings this nuance. What does she always want?

[00:17:02]Status, recognition, and prestige are always given prominence.

[00:17:09]Well, what does she actually want? What she wants is a hug, a lap to sit on with her mother or father.

[00:17:17]But look at the symbolic detour she takes to try and get close to that.

[00:17:23]So it's more or less like this: if my mother insists that what 's fundamental is for me to be this queen, to have this prestige, then that's what I'm going to be. But I don't necessarily want to be that, but maybe by getting closer to my mother, I get closer to her recognition. So it's very interesting to look at these nuances, okay? And this aspect of control, elegance, this power, right? It's like Blair's armor, armor that allows her to face and adapt in a certain way to the situations imposed upon her. It's not necessarily a functional adaptation, especially since it has ways of releasing pressure. And that's also an issue we're going to look into, okay? So I'll leave you with this phrase to think about for a moment. What are the consequences when someone believes they will only be loved by being perfect?

[00:18:25]And that leaves a question. If you'd like to write in the comments and answer this question, feel free to do so. But it's something we really need to think about, isn't it?

[00:18:37]Well, that's when someone believes they'll only be loved if they're perfect. So, how does that work? How does this work? Is it actually working?

[00:18:48]So that's also a matter for us to analyze, okay? So let's go.

[00:18:56]The issue of the need for validation, okay? So let's think a little about the meaning of being validated, okay?

[00:19:06]So, being validated often acts as an engine, a motor that generates reinforcement, that mobilizes, when we talk about issues related to self-esteem, self-image, and self-concept of the individual.

[00:19:24]However, when we begin to develop a need connected to validation, we can start to create fixation and dependence on that stimulus, as if it becomes the overall definer of our value, and without it, a feeling of worthlessness arises.

[00:19:49]So that's the point I think is also good for us to reflect on.

[00:19:55]It's natural, isn't it, for us humans to want recognition, we want to have that feeling of worth. So it can come on top of a compliment, on top of, right, when I mention recognition, right, that part of, wow, that's great what you did, I admire what you developed, I admire your work. Wow, that's great that you achieved that. So, we are social beings, so these reinforcers from people are important, right? This has been true since we were children. So, the reinforcements that our parents give us in childhood, and also the reinforcements that come into our lives, at school, a teacher, a friend, all of that is very important. So, this helps to modulate this sense of self-esteem, the way I see myself, the way I perceive myself, and the way I feel. And this question of how you have the concept, right, how you generate the concept about yourself.

[00:21:04]So that's natural in relation to how important it is. It's perfectly fine for this to be important in life. But when necessity arises, it generates this process of fixation and dependence. So, fixation and dependence are almost like an obsessive process, right? Obsessive, because you really come to understand that meaning only exists if such a thing happens or if such a thing works in such a way. And then we start to realize that in Blair's case, this becomes very obvious, how constantly she needs applause, right? It needs to happen at any moment.

[00:21:51]She always throws parties, and her parties always have to be the best, the biggest, right? She's very much involved with high society, right? So, the high society that's there, within what she leads among teenagers, always has to see her in this place where she's always standing out, always being incredible.

[00:22:20]And if there comes a time when she doesn't receive any attention, she experiences 100% emotional drain. Because that question, when someone else isn't applauding, why do I have to applaud myself?

[00:22:38]Because that's the point, we can like it and it's very important, yes, recognition, without a doubt.

[00:22:46]But if I always rely on that to understand who I am, I'm never applauding myself. So, behind the scenes, we notice that Bler is always in this position of insecurity, fear, withdrawal, of not allowing herself to be herself.

[00:23:07]This happens at many points, but only when she's behind the scenes.

[00:23:12]When she's in front of people, she really has to stand out. But then, with each frustration she experiences in the series, she doesn't deal with it.

[00:23:25]There comes a time when she has development, right? But, especially at the beginning, we see that she's constantly angry, constantly devaluing the other person, but this devaluation of the other person is related to the worthlessness she sees in herself.

[00:23:42]right? It's a very projective process, isn't it?

[00:23:45]She projects a lot of content onto others that she doesn't want to look at herself.

[00:23:50]And so, in Serena's case, this process is much more blatant, because several times she argues, she humiliates Serena, and there are always these issues, but Serena always ends up noticing the part where she feels bad, that, you know, Serena is also able to access her vulnerability, and even realize that this way of acting is a shield, right?

[00:24:20]So it's quite interesting for us to see this differentiation. Validating is one thing, and needing to validate is another.

[00:24:32]So, this issue is linked to perfectionism, right? also connected to a process of self- defense.

[00:24:39]Well, down here in the fine print, where I put perfectionism, it can, in this case, be seen as a virtue.

[00:24:49]Often when I talk about a virtue, it's somewhat of a concept of a person being very demanding, very determined, very hardworking, wanting to deliver their best, and not that the person is obsessed with perfectionism, they don't have those qualities, right? It does not have those attributes. Often, there's this issue of being a fighter, of always trying to give your best, always not wanting to let the ball drop, you know, to put it in popular language. A person always wants to stay standing tall and always wants to be ready for battle.

[00:25:31]So, yes, this issue is valuable, but there's also a rebound effect whenever a question becomes too rigid, right? So what happens when you create this very rigid issue? It's the point of the shield, right, that we're saying Blair has a lot of that with her, right? because it creates a protective barrier that generates inaccessibility.

[00:25:57]So, it's like you're constantly demanding so much to be a certain way. And when I say that, it's on a certain level, it doesn't necessarily mean the person has a superiority complex, okay? Perfectionism isn't exactly linked to that, but when I say staying at the same level, I mean that you demand of yourself to maintain that level. So, since you demand of yourself to maintain that level, any process that creates a wavering, that causes a fall, becomes inconceivable.

[00:26:34]And along with that, you become so rigid in that place that people become inaccessible, because in the same way that you're demanding so much of yourself, you're going to end up demanding so much of others, right? Sometimes it's not a conscious decision, okay? This is often something unconscious, but it gets really strong, doesn't it?

[00:27:01]But then the emotional baggage comes along with it, right? In Blair's case, we can see the manifestation of a fear of rejection, of being criticized, of failing.

[00:27:14]So, actually, this positioning and this armor of hers is like an inhibitor of feeling, right?

[00:27:23]She wants to create the concept that she won't fail, that she won't fall apart.

[00:27:32]But that doesn't necessarily mean she won't fall apart; instead, she creates escape valves, which are destructible escape valves because if something isn't reinterpreted, evaluated, or worked through within her own self-knowledge, it becomes something punitive.

[00:27:58]Because every time she feels that something went wrong, that she was rejected, or that things did n't turn out the way she wanted, she will destroy herself in some way.

[00:28:14]And something I think is important to talk about regarding this issue of destruction, uh, there's a scene from Gospir that's very interesting, which is a Thanksgiving scene, right? And in the United States, this holiday is very celebrated, right? It's very important to them.

[00:28:38]Thanksgiving is very much associated with Blair and her father, and she has a great affection for him and everything, but at a certain event her father isn't there, and she tries to understand why her mother isn't here, right? What happened? And the mother turns and says, "Your father doesn't want to be here, does he? Your father chose not to be with us." And then, until the moment she retorts, she says, "He chose not to be with you."

[00:29:08]And it's very interesting because she creates mechanisms for self-determination as well. It 's not like she never generates self-determination, no. She generates it.

[00:29:18]Sometimes it's very aggressive, right, confrontational, but she generates it. But this doesn't provide her with emotional comfort. It's as if she finds a way to attack the other person, but this doesn't nurture her emotional well-being. And then in this scene, she takes a whole dessert and goes to the kitchen and eats the whole dessert.

[00:29:43]But then comes the issue of her feeling guilty, right? So it also shows this issue of her sometimes inducing vomiting, right? And these issues related to eating disorders also have a lot of this aspect about, uh, not good affections, right? It's as if many times there have been instances of neglect of affection, right? Whether in one instance or another of Life, right?

[00:30:13]So, that's why, at the same time that she goes through that fast-paced phase, you know, of quickly eating a sweet, something she really likes, she torments herself over it, right? So it creates an effect where she gets close to pleasure, but she denies being able to experience pleasure.

[00:30:36]And then what happens? She punishes herself, generating, you know, inducing vomiting.

[00:30:43]So, and this is very evident with Blair in various situations.

[00:30:47]Her relationship with Ti brings this perspective. So, she tries to get close to a pleasure zone, but she does n't feel worthy of it, she doesn't feel capable of it, and she punishes herself, right? And then we realize that there's a lot of this dynamic that was developed in relation to her mother, right? So it brings a lot of this landmark here. The part, you know, about what is often manifest and what is hidden.

[00:31:18]Uh, sometimes this is a processing that is a resource that is used, you know, for one thing to stand out from the other. Another way is to protect herself, you know, and really avoid feeling vulnerable. So, when I talk about this and the other, it's that rigidity—in this case, the rigidity I mean, always putting herself in this position of being perfect, of being incredible, of being the center of attention, of being in the spotlight, and everything else—is a way for her to suppress. And when I say suppress, it's exactly about swallowing and not digesting all the emotional weight she feels, right? So it 's more or less like this: I yell, I attack, but I wanted a hug. I didn't want to fight, I wanted to be hugged.

[00:32:13]So with Blair, we see this happening a lot, and it's a mechanism— of many times—to feel strengthened, right? So it's a way, not to prove it to others, but a way to try to prove it to yourself. Oh, but I can handle it, no, I don't need this, no, I don't need you, right? So it's that idea, I don't need the other person, but this It generates, you know, many, many nuances, right, that she doesn't allow herself to experience in the process.

[00:32:53]And that's very interesting. Why does n't she allow herself to experience that? Because of a lack of trust, okay? It's that issue, right?

[00:33:01]A person who has been deeply hurt, sometimes all they have to offer is hurt.

[00:33:08]And then there's that issue, the ends don't justify the means, right? So, many of Blair's actions aren't justifiable, but at every moment she's trying to make a non-reparative reparation for herself, because she's not having a sense of ownership, right? So, it's interesting to notice that, right? How sometimes something that's highlighted in a person is actually hiding something else, right? That thing is n't necessarily determining who that person is, but often it's hiding who they really are, right? So, that's why we call them defense mechanisms, okay? And I'll even leave that analysis to psychoanalysis when we're talking about this issue. From a defense mechanism standpoint, it's something unconscious, but it's a resource, right, for the ego, used by the ego to protect the mind against internal conflicts, anxieties, and unacceptable desires.

[00:34:15]So Chuck, right, he strongly embodies this notion, this denotation, right, of an unacceptable desire.

[00:34:25]She constantly punishes herself internally for wanting to be with him, for desiring him, right, because he brings something she understands as unacceptable.

[00:34:37]And this issue of conflict also relates to the fact that she understands that things within herself are also unacceptable when she's with him.

[00:34:47]So, that's why the ego becomes rigid, because it's as if the person is so close to only looking at the superego, right, and abandoning the id altogether, right? So, Blair embodies this sense a lot, and Serena brings another perspective, a perspective of someone who wants to live very much for pleasure.

[00:35:12]In a way, the fact that Blair is very close to Serena shows how much she also wants to try. To get closer to that, how much, deep down, she would like to have more of that freedom with herself, you know, to allow herself more freedom, but she always stays in this process of it being unacceptable, of what she can't do, and so on. So she keeps suppressing, suppressing, and then the manifest symptom I mentioned about food returns, because she eats in that way of swallowing and suppressing pleasure. I get pleasure from it. I swallow and I suppress, but then I don't want to, I can't feel it. And she expels it as punishment. So, look how this example of the action of food is very noticeable in her relationship dynamics.

[00:36:06]Let me just take a look to see if you've already written some things in the comments.

[00:36:17]Hmm.

[00:36:21]Oh, okay.

[00:36:25]Oh, the issue of excessive praise is very interesting, isn't it, how that can also generate something irritable, right?

[00:36:33]Yes, there's an issue about that, uh, that part of her eating disorder that I'm mentioning, right? Exactly.

[00:36:41]So, She brings up that aspect too, right?

[00:36:47]So, that's why it's important for us to see it, right? That's why I always bring up cause and effect, right? There's always something there that isn't showing the reality, right? Not showing what's really happening in that person's life, right? That's why I say, there's this more popular saying, right? That you know the other person off-camera, right? I even think it's interesting to think about that, because when you can access the other person behind the scenes, that's when you can really understand them in their entirety.

[00:37:28]And often what is shown, right, doesn't even show 1/3 of what that person actually is.

[00:37:37]So I see that Blair manages to make us reflect a lot on what we often demand of ourselves and only let others access that point and not the other layers.

[00:37:56]And thinking also, right, about this issue of the fear of not being chosen, right, that's also an issue that, right, thinking now about the counterpart of Perfectionism, right?

[00:38:13]So, we see in Blair's case, this emotional abandonment—she does n't have it in relation to her father, but there's a bit of structural abandonment as well.

[00:38:27]But when I say emotional abandonment, it's because you don't have negligence linked to not meeting basic and fundamental needs.

[00:38:39]Because what we see about Blair is that she's a very, very rich girl; she has all the material possessions, everything she wants materially speaking, she gets very easily. She has a lot of social prestige. And then I bring up her first boyfriend, Nate, right? She had a very handsome, very attractive boyfriend. It was very much that concept of what she could afford, visually speaking.

[00:39:20]And this is very natural when we talk about social views, okay? Because if we think about social media, they bring a lot of this movement of people traveling to such and such a place, people buying such and such a thing, wow, life is wonderful, right, it's 100%. But again, we only really know the person off-camera, right? So, outside of that, what's really going on in that person's inner world? In her external world, she might have things like privileges, right? You can see that she has very pronounced privilege zones, but that doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't experience emotional abandonment.

[00:40:09]So, the emotional abandonment she experiences is very constant, there's a very strong issue of female rivalry, also because of this fear of not being enough, which is deeply instilled from her mother, the maternal figure, and also her father. So, let's consider that she isn't chosen by her parents.

[00:40:37]If she isn't being chosen by her parents, how can she believe she'll be chosen in a romantic relationship, in a job opportunity she really wants? And there's also this issue in the United States regarding colleges, right?

[00:40:57]So, she wants to get into a certain college, and she's also in competition with Serena.

[00:41:06]So, it's very interesting how Serena can take that place, right?

[00:41:09]This relationship with Serena can often be seen as a false relationship, right? It 's not a true relationship, it's not a true friendship, but it's not necessarily that she isn't true to Serena, she isn't true to herself.

[00:41:28]And it's not necessarily that she doesn't have affection for Serena, right? She does.

[00:41:36]But because she always has this feeling of not being seen by her mother, not being perceived, not being chosen by her father, this generates an issue within her psychic structure of often not fitting in, not belonging.

[00:41:58]And when we talk about allowing yourself to feel, within relationships and everything else, this idea of opening yourself up to the other person really comes through, right? It's not a guarantee, it's not that we'll be 100% sure it will be a certain way, it's not about that, but it's about letting it flow and seeing what will happen.

[00:42:23]But for her... This is very difficult, is n't it? That's why I bring up the lack of trust, and that's the point that really gets to her. Regarding her father, he cheats on her mother, and he starts spending a lot of time in France, I think it's in Paris, and then it turns out that her father is having a relationship with a French model, right? So her father starts having an affectionate relationship, but then, he lives this relationship to the fullest, and she feels neglected, she feels abandoned by her father. And she had a lot of affection for her father because he brought affection, he brought freedom, just like a teenager. So, you want to eat this, you eat it. You want to play, you want to have fun, you have fun, it's all good. But her mother doesn't, in fact, her mother keeps insisting that she does what she understands to be right. So it's as if guilt also comes into play, right? Blaming her father for leaving her with her mother, a mother who is so fervent, so rigid, so demanding.

[00:43:41]So that process also comes into play.

[00:43:47]And then it touches on this issue, right?

[00:43:50]Control, status, and identity within the social group.

[00:43:55]So when I mentioned Serena and her, we can see that this dynamic of their relationship, Blaira is constantly having this feeling: Serena is prettier than me. Serena is more attractive than me. Serena attracts more male attention than I do. She's more friendly, more outgoing, more sociable.

[00:44:26]So she's always in conflict with Serena, which is why we talk about female rivalry, which initially is a rivalry between the mother and her. And then this expands.

[00:44:39]There's also a situation where Blaira was going to be called to participate in a clothing campaign for her mother... But then the photographer says she's very expressionless, that she's very closed off, and that for that particular clothing collection campaign, they need someone with more energy. Serena then helps her loosen up during the photoshoot, right? But then the photographer becomes interested in Serena, saying, "No, but Serena is much more open, she's vibrant, she radiates, she's spontaneous, we want her for the campaign."

[00:45:19]Her mother doesn't hesitate to put Serena in her own daughter's place for the campaign.

[00:45:26]So, this keeps happening. There's also the factor that Serena has a sexual relationship with Nate, who is Blair's boyfriend. And so there was a kind of betrayal, you know, between the friends.

[00:45:41]Later we realize that Blair didn't have a real emotional involvement with Nate, but he embodied a lot of what her mother wanted for her and what her mother expected for her.

[00:45:54]And for Blair, at the same time, there's a lot of envy, anger, and frustration... In short, because she's not like Serena, but at the same time she feels that everything she criticizes in Serena, everything she says she doesn't like, everything she says she disagrees with, would actually be things she would very much like to have in herself, things she would like to let flourish in her.

[00:46:21]And that's where Chuck starts to become more involved in her life. So it's as if Chuck brings light, right, from the shadow, right, in this case, uh, it's as if he really brings out a dark desire, but one that makes her experience other things. So, for example, experiencing a freer sexuality, not being rigid, being able to let go more. So, uh, with him she starts to feel other possibilities.

[00:46:59]Uh, and that's why I raise this issue, her way of getting emotionally involved from the first relationship with Nate, then with Chuck, right?

[00:47:09]So, in the first moment with Nate, it's what is decided for her, and in the other, it's what she decides for herself. So, in fact, the Nate was a family imposition, very much a matter of family relationships, you know, the parents on one side with the parents on the other, very much this issue of money, status, power and everything else. So, it was almost as if their relationship was practically a negotiation. So, it wasn't really a matter of total mutual will. BL, at the beginning, she felt that she had affection, an involvement with Nate and everything else, but she hadn't even allowed her sexuality to be fully explored with Nate yet, right? She hadn't experienced it with Nate. With Chuck, that happens, it blossoms much faster, in a much more fluid way. As soon as she decides to end things with Nate, on the same day she has her first sexual encounter with Chuck, which is in a very... well, you know, they went to a bar, they drank, actually it was Chuck's strip club, I think Chuck's father also financed something like that.

[00:48:21]So it's very spontaneous, very much of the moment.

[00:48:26]So, here's the question, right? Well, in Nate's case, it was about what she wanted to be, what she wanted to build in her life.

[00:48:38]And later, Chuck is what she actually is. So, their relationship, which I even discuss in Chuck's talk, is very focused on mirroring, right? It's a mirroring relationship, as if each one could mirror in the other the problems, the rigidity of their parents, their discontent, their frustrations, and also the part about deviations, right?

[00:49:11]Chuck was much more focused on alcohol, drugs, heightened sexuality.

[00:49:17]Chuck always needed to feel powerful through sexual relationships as well, so much so that he had sexually abusive behaviors, you know?

[00:49:26]In Blair's case, it's not in the sense of violation, but it's also in the sense of imprisonment, because in a way Chuck is confronted by his father all the time. And Blair is the same with her mother. Chuck's father demands that he be Chuck's father. And in Blair's case... Blair, the mother, keeps demanding that she also be the mother. So they become very compatible.

[00:49:50]It's as if their shadows merge, so to speak. And then they really manage to understand what is very different from what was expected of them, so to speak.

[00:50:07]And so, folks, to conclude, I leave you with a point to reflect on, right?

[00:50:13]Wealth, status, and power do not erase emotional pain.

[00:50:20]And in several moments we can connect with feelings manifested by the Blur, both the positive and the negative aspects. After all, everything she shows is human.

[00:50:35]And so, folks, thank you all very much for your participation. I'll leave my social media links so you can access them.

[00:50:48]And now, time to answer your questions, right? Thank you, right? Regarding saying that the lecture was great, I'm very happy, very happy that you enjoyed it.

[00:51:03]What questions would you like to ask me?

[00:51:06]Feel free. This is the moment I like to leave to answer your questions, so we can also have this conversation.

[00:51:15]Uh, is there anyone here who doesn't... Have you watched Gospir yet? If not, I apologize for the spoilers I've been rambling on, but it might also motivate you to start watching the series.

[00:51:30]For those who haven't seen it yet, and for those who have, you had a different perspective on the subject, you were able to perceive other things, what did you think?

[00:51:44]Oh, very good.

[00:51:48]Uh, the abandonment by the father, right? Do you have any connection with Freud's theory?

[00:51:53]Yes, right? That part when Freud talks about object relations, right? There is a connection as well. We can also look at Unicot's theory, right? When it talks about the paternal figure in the life of a child, of an adolescent, and all its impacts.

[00:52:17]Uh, in this case, it's as if this paternal figure has a strong connection to my self in the world, so it's very much about how we relate, how we allow ourselves, how we get involved. So, if she already has a rupture there, a loss of trust in her father, right, because of the betrayal with her mother, that's a major turning point for her, for sure, right?

[00:52:48]So, that's why it's so curious, right? Because in order for her to deal with her father, she needs to relate, in her subconscious, right? She needs to relate to a figure who inspires no confidence at all, which is Chuck, right?

[00:53:04]Because Chuck doesn't represent stability at any point, right? On the contrary, he's super unstable, super impulsive, right? But it's as if she's almost reliving a traumatic aspect, symbolically. So, she keeps reliving a traumatic aspect of insecurity, of distrust of her father in another person, right?

[00:53:30]But it's also very cool to see that, right, Giovana? Despite Chuck's destructiveness, it's a step towards Blair's freedom. Perfect.

[00:53:38]That's right, it's really a movement of hers to allow herself, right?

[00:53:44]Because with Nate she still... She was imprisoned, she was still inside a glass dome, right? Where she was being watched by everyone and everything and she couldn't make a single wrong move, right? That she would always be criticized, judged in some way. So it's as if the check brought about this disruption, right? Now we liberate her here in this transgression, right? As if the check brought a lot of this impetus to her, right? And they will have a development of construction later, right? So, there is and Les maduros, né? In this case, more towards the end of the series, right? So, it's quite interesting to see, isn't it? Because there's also a moment when she needs to be alone, right, to understand herself outside of Chuck's dynamic, and then there's a reunion with greater maturity on their part, right? I see that, well, each character brings a different nuance, it's rich to talk about all the characters, even Serena, they are all very rich.

[00:54:57]But, in the case of BL and Chuck, I see why they cause so much discomfort, right? Because the way they act generates a lot of discomfort, right?

[00:55:11]So, that's why it's even more interesting for us to delve deeper into how to analyze their relationship in the real world. That's a good question too, Geovana. I see that their relationship has an abusive element, right? There's no way we can remove it, right? Not to legitimize this issue, right? It's a relationship that has many abusive aspects in the real world. It's a type of relationship that causes pain and suffering; it's undeniable that this happens, right? So, it's a relationship that has a lot of emotional drawbacks, because it's a rollercoaster, right? But at the same time, we start to realize that, uh, looking at Bler, right? She's getting to know herself better.

[00:56:06]Well, in order to get to know herself better, she needs to choose herself. So, I also think it's interesting to consider how dysfunctional relationships can be, and there are so many levels to it, okay everyone? It has very serious levels, right, when we talk about physical issues and everything else, but at a level that is, for example, psychological, it's also serious, right? We never disregard the seriousness of this issue because it truly has a significant impact on a person's life. But from the moment a person starts putting in a lot of work, having a strong support network and everything else, they emerge from that process, as if they can give themselves the chance to have that feeling of "I chose myself."

[00:56:53]So, in order for us to realize that at every moment she fears not being chosen, there comes a point when she chooses herself. And I think, I think that's very beautiful in Blair's process. And I see that this is also very inspiring.

[00:57:07]And TCK was also talking about power, you know, understanding that he wasn't in control, you know, with Blair, he wasn't in control. He was always there in his other forms of relationships, right?

[00:57:22]That didn't happen with her. So it was also a learning experience for both of us, right? One could say. One more question, everyone, but thank you for your participation.

[00:57:37]Wow, I loved seeing all this interaction, I loved seeing your feedback, your questions. That's really cool, isn't it? How do we manage to make that connection, even within this world of fiction? But to make a connection with the real world, right? What else could happen, right?

[00:58:02]Okay, one more question to wrap things up, right? At what point in the series do I think Blair found herself, right? Was it in the face of her family or Chuck's betrayal?

[00:58:17]She finds herself in a different way each moment, right? So, when she has one, when she has an initial break from idealizing her father, that's already a moment when she grants permission, although it's not a lasting permission, right? Because everything's fine, considering her stage of development, her age, all of that is natural, but she's starting to have some setbacks, right? It's that process of breaking down in order to reintegrate, right? So she starts to experience setbacks, and little by little she reintegrates, right? And then when Chuck betrays him, it's like another major turning point, right? That's when she starts connecting more and more with what is non-negotiable for her, because all relationships are based on agreements.

[00:59:07]And that's why it's always important for us to come across this part. What is non-negotiable for me? And when you're faced with something that's non-negotiable for you, you choose yourself. So I also found that point about Blir very fundamental and very inspiring. I hope I answered your question, Rebecca.

[00:59:28]Wow, thank you all so much!

[00:59:30]Thank you so much. I loved that moment. I loved this exchange with you all, as always. That's all for now, okay? For today's event, I'm going to say the verification word, okay? Which will be linked to your certification, okay? OK. So, let's go. The key word for today's presentation is validation.

[00:59:52]For the second time, the key word in today's presentation is validation. And for the third and final time, the key word for today's presentation: validation.

[01:00:05]Alright, guys?

[01:00:07]Big kisses to everyone. Thank you again. Lots of kisses, have a great rest of the week, and see you at our next event, okay everyone? Big kiss. Until later.

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