How to not yell at your child, tantrums, attitudes, sibling rivalry, and more!

Added: 2026-05-31

[00:00:00]First question is almost five years old has a tantrum every time we don't come immediately when he calls us. What can we do? So number one on the proactive end what we want to do is make sure anytime your child does wait even if it's for a very split second that we are noticing and paying attention to that because if the only time that they do get your attention is when they do not wait then that's the behavior that they end up engaging in more. My other question for this parent was I was wondering what they do when the child does have a tantrum when they um when they don't come immediately, but if somebody's always responding, then the child's going to learn it always gets a response. So, for example, my kids used to call me from a different room and it would drive me crazy because I can't hear them. And so, I could tell them proactively many times how to call me. I could say, "If you need me, come to this room." But regardless, it always reinforces a behavior because we respond. So what can we do? Nothing.

[00:01:01]Eventually, what happens? The child comes to the room if they actually need you. So that's one of the other things.

[00:01:06]And the other thing that I would be doing is again proactively going over with my child, if you need me, this is what you do. And if I don't come right uh if I don't answer right away, then I would let them know within a time frame of when that would happen. And if you say, "Give me 1 second," or whatever it is, then actually give your child 1 second. We want to start small. So, for example, if your child's like, "Mom," and they already melt down if you don't respond right away. And you slowly want to start teaching them to tolerate that you don't respond right away, let them know, give me a minute. Then actually come back within that minute. Come back quickly because we want to teach them that it's not that bad to tolerate these little short bits of time. And then over time we can expand on that. And the other thing is we do want to reinforce them immediately sometimes because we don't want the behavior of them calling you politely to go away. Um and so that's something that I would be doing also. Okay. Someone said um almost three-year-old boy has been angry aggressive which was never before.

[00:02:12]Do your tips about not engaging in ne I do your tips about not engaging in negative behavior and tell him how to communicate his needs and it's still not working help. Then I followed up with this person because I needed a little bit more information and I asked for examples and they said I'm not giving it attention like you say in videos as then it reinforces that the only way to get my attention is when he is that way redirect him for how to act. For example, throwing something in anger, frustration, and then me saying later, "When you are frustrated, we can ask for help." And showing him how to ask for my help, giving him the actual phrases I want him to use instead of throwing and yelling. Just curious if this is a phrase. Okay, couple things. Number one, if your child's about 3 years old, yes, we could always go back to things later, but I made a video about this a couple of days ago. If we want behavior to change, we need two things to happen.

[00:03:03]Number one, depending on how old your child is and what their developmental level is, we do want to be going over certain situations without with them outside of that area. And that could be requesting. It sounds like this child needs some work on requesting for the uh the things they want and the things they don't want instead of going straight to challenging behavior. And so making sure that's happening proactively. But also in that moment when your child is having the hard time, we're not ignoring it. We don't respond to all challenging behavior the same ever. If there is something that your child wants or doesn't want and you're willing to honor it, then right then and there in that moment, that is when we are prompting the appropriate response and we're not saying anything like use your words or you need to ask me appropriately because again, that's effortful for our kids, especially if they have absolutely no idea what words we want them to use. We want making the new behavior that they engage in, the more appropriate one, easy, the clear choice. No, I don't even need to think about this. So, we would want to prompt them. Let's say your child's really upset because they can't reach something and it's very high and they're like, we're not ignoring them in that moment. So, we're not not giving it attention, which is um we would never do that. We would prompt them in that instance. You know, if you need the Tony box, you could say, "Mom, Tony box." And then in that moment, we're reinforcing the behavior. We want them to see when I say this, I get what I want. My words are valuable. Okay. The other thing is, and I just had a talk with uh a few of the the parents in my cohort about this, and that is when I say don't, you know, don't engage or or with negative behavior or like, you know, I don't say that specifically, but you said how I say don't engage with negative behavior. What I mean by that is so we were just going over a video of a different parent and no one in the cohort and the the children were engaging in challenging behavior and the mom prompted the appropriate response which was wonderful but also she said to her child don't be nasty and you need to be kind. We don't need to say any of that. That's not going to change anybody's behavior. Number one, telling somebody not to be nasty is simply drawing a lot more attention to it. And also telling somebody they need to be kind. I don't know any child who's simply telling them you need to be kind has changed their behavior ever. Of course, there are certain expectations we can go over outside of the moment and I would be more specific with that. But more importantly, what we would want to be doing is tell your child the exact behavior that you want them to engage in, and that is the one we reinforce.

[00:05:35]So, we can teach that without attending to all of that negative behavior that I specifically talk about. So, that's my that's my response for that. Um, okay.

[00:05:46]Somebody said, "How to not yell when you told kids not to ride bikes in the house, but they keep doing it." So, number one, remember telling is not teaching. So, we could tell our kids till we're blue in the face something.

[00:06:01]But if our kids behavior isn't changing, then we need to change what we're doing.

[00:06:06]So, we need to do something a little differently. Number one, if they're not supposed to ride bikes in their house, what are they supposed to do? I would let them know that. Give them some other ideas. two, where they can ride bikes, which is outside. Let them know where and also let them know when that can happen. And the other thing is go over your expectations about bike riding ahead of time and consequences. Our bikes are for riding outside. I don't know how they made their way in the house. That's I don't really understand that part, but they did somehow. And I would also make sure my child knew bikes are only outside. If you bang your bring your bike inside, you'll lose access to your bike for x many days. If that's not what if that's not what's working and I would uh if telling them is not working.

[00:06:45]But the very first thing we want to do is always be telling our children what to do because when we're only saying don't ride your bike in the house, don't hit. Don't grab. Don't push. We're never telling our kids what we want them to do. And some kids may simply not know.

[00:06:58]And so just exactly tell them what you want to do with the bike. Um, okay.

[00:07:04]Somebody said, "What are the best values to instill in young kids?" I love this question and I really do because a lot of people are always asking me, most people, "What happens when this happens?" And this is such a great question to to to ask because it's important. I mean, for me, um, just want to be good about explain. Sorry, I'm reading some comments. I mean, for me, um, what above all else, what I expect of my kids and what I'm teaching them is to be number one, kind and respectful, but I break that down further. So, number one, if someone's not included in something to invite them to join in, we never say something unkind to somebody else or hurt their feelings. And again, these are all behaviors that not I know I understand there is no parent that is perfect for sure, but the you'd be so surprised to find that whatever you do with other adults or with your partner, your children are watching. And so if you talk poorly about somebody else, they're going to learn that they can talk poorly about somebody else. If you're sarcastic, then they're going to be sarcastic. If you're unkind, then they are. So teaching my kids kindness and respect no matter what. And the other thing is hard work. I want them to I don't want them to give up easily. And so teaching them that hard work pays off that um I don't have to fix everything for them. I can help them with it, but if they stick with something, usually they'll be able to do it. And so I would I guess above all I'll say kindness, respect, and hard work. I'm sure there's a thousand other things, but those are the top ones that I think about in the moment. And even when it comes to succeeding in school, is that important?

[00:08:39]100%. Of course, I care about how my kids do act academically. Um, but above all else, it's always be a good person.

[00:08:48]That's it. And I expect that of you. Um, someone said, "I feel like being ignored means you need to approach and make sure they are hearing what you're saying, then taking away the bike as your boundaries were originally." I'm not sure which I feel like being ignored means you need to approach and make sure they are. Yeah. and and we did that's why we spoke about that going over that outside of the moment as well. A lot of times as parents what we tend to do is wait for the moment of chaos to then address whatever it is happening and a lot of times nobody is learning in that moment. And so definitely always want to go back outside of that moment and address whatever needs to be addressed if anything does. But also how that other parent before was asking um about their child who's who's whining for everything or crying. You always want to prompt a better response in that moment as well if you can give them what they want or don't want. Okay, let's see. Um um how can I modify your strategies when my son is speech delayed? So I asked I I followed up with this parent as well to find out a little bit more. Um a sorry when you tell them the correct thing to do say and they ignore it then what do you do Brooke? If you're talking about the bike, that's when I would say that's when the bike would be removed. I wouldn't give the bike anymore because I would let my child know my the consequences of that ahead of time, not in the moment. And that's not necessarily fair to them if they've never been told them. We want to give them the chance to follow, right? But also ahead of time. If you're going to ride your bike in the house, then you're not going to have a bike. And additionally, on the flip side, we always want to make sure when our kids are following our instructions, even the little ones that we might tend to overlook, that that gets a significant more amount of attention as opposed to when they don't. Um, okay. So, the person asked about speech, the two and a half-year-old is speech delayed. How can I modify your strategies when my son is speech delayed? So um and then I asked more about that and she said that he gets frustrated when nobody understands him and right now he can speak in one to two words about one to two words. The first thing I'll say is and this is for any child not just if your child's speech delayed or or if your child is learning language don't simply make your child add more to their sentences because that's what you'd like them to do. So for example let's say your child wants a chip and they're just beginning to talk.

[00:11:15]making them say and if they say chip, accept the response. If you then make them say chip please, but chip or chip please gets the same outcome, chip is fine for now. We can add more to that later, especially if they're speech delayed. However, if there's a particular chip you want, then go ahead and feel free if they need to let you know what color it is or the size it is, big chip. But adding on arbitrary words that don't don't change the outcome, I would avoid doing that. The other thing I would say is what we want to do right now is increase his communication and teach him to ask for everything that he wants and everything he doesn't want.

[00:11:50]And that is outside of the moment, right? Outside of moments when he's upset. And when he is, we always want to prompt a better response because we want to teach him that speaking is easy and I can use my words and get what I want.

[00:12:01]And we're going to tell him exactly what to say and it's going to begin with one word. But we also want to be spending time outside of the moment playing with our child and working on their language.

[00:12:10]And the biggest mistake that I see pe people make with this with their little children and this is important if you guys have toddlers or babies and you're trying to increase your child's language was which is the greatest gift you can ever give to them because when they cannot communicate they're going to default to challenging behavior. The biggest mistake that I see is we are just adding on demand after demand after demand after and trying to make it instructional. What color is it? What are you doing? What do you see? And we're just bombarding our children with question after question when they just simply want to play. And so the best way that you can teach somebody to communicate is by teaching them to ask for what they want. Because when somebody asks for what they want, that is the only type of language that produces a direct and immediate benefit to them. And then they learn speaking is valuable. It gets me what I need. And I'm going to give you an example. Let's say your child wants water, right? There are a lot of different things we can do with the word water because what you've learned if you follow me is that all behavior serves a purpose. There's a function behind it. And language, what we say also has a function. So I could say water. If somebody says, "Hey, Jenna, what's that?" That's a label. I could answer water. But did that benefit me? No, it didn't. I could answer the question. If someone says, "What are you drinking right now?" I could say water.

[00:13:30]I'm answering their question again. Did that benefit me? Not really. I'm engaging in the same behavior, but now for a different reason. But now, let's say I want water. I want water cuz I'm thirsty. And I go ahead and I engage in that same exact behavior again. And I say water because I want it. Did that benefit me? It did. I just learned in that moment saying water is valuable.

[00:13:54]When I want something, I get it. And so I'm going to continue to do that more frequently. And so what we want to be doing with our babies, with our toddlers outside of or children with language disabilities or delays, we want to be setting up opportunities where we're playing with them. We're engaging in preferred activities. And when they are motivated for something, we're going to teach them exactly what to say to get what they want. And again, not of this doesn't all need to be at the moment of when they are upset because they want something or don't. I spent uh a significant amount of time with Grace when she was about beginning at 6 months old. She was explosive. She was so frustrated. Teaching her to ask for everything she could possibly want. And that began with sign language and vocal approximations. And once she started communicating, I saw that all begin to melt away and her frustration melt away.

[00:14:41]And it's and and I work with primarily um many children that have language delays or are nonverbal. And again, this is the first thing that I teach them how to ask for the things that they want because most of their instruction has typically been demand after demand after demand demand and not teaching them to get their needs met. We want to teach our kids that you can be the speaker first. You can come to me and say water.

[00:15:06]You don't have to wait to be invited to speak for somebody to say, "Hey, what's that? What color is that? What are you drinking?" And so that's what I'll say.

[00:15:13]And then also inside of my course, I do have an entire module on exactly how to do that and I break it down for you if you do want to learn more about that.

[00:15:22]Um, okay, somebody else asked, let's see, how do we keep our patience with our children? What can we say to our inner voice? Great question. Um, what I will say is like in a moment that you're just dying to respond or you're, you know, you're dying to to yell or whatever it is, and I totally get it because we are all human, uh, myself included. What I will I'll try to say to myself is, do I want this moment to be easier right now or do I want my life to be easier? And I'll always choose my life. And I was just uh in my my last cohort, I had gave a little bit of an example in which my family and I went to the American Girl store over the weekend because Sophia saved her money to buy her dollar dress. And now Grace didn't save her money. And I told Grace ahead of time, I was like, "Sophia saved her money. She's buying something. You're not going to get a dress today, but you will get one on your birthday, which is in about 2 weeks." She said, "Okay, fine. Whatever." We go to the store. We do all the things we need to do there.

[00:16:26]Sophia finds a dress that she wants for her doll and she says, "All right, this is the one I'm going to buy." And it's this beautiful sparkle dress. And in that moment, now Grace hadn't napped that day, so she's we're already working with something that's not wonderful. And um you know, she was upset about it. And she said, you know, she was like, "No, I want one, too." Or whatever it is. And I let her know, you know, what we spoke about earlier. I said, "Grace, I'm really sorry. Sophia saved her money for this. You could get one for your birthday." And I promise you, my thought went to the same place yours probably does, which is, I really don't want to deal with this right now. It's like, I'm not in the mood. I'm in a store. Come on. I don't want to do this. But what I think about in that moment is even though the tantrum was so small and even though it wasn't, you know, it wasn't a big meltdown and I could have easily said, "Oh, you know what? I should just buy her a dress or she it's not really a big deal. She's not making a big deal about it." What I'll say to myself is reinforcing those tiny tantrums now, even though they're not a big deal, are what ends up turning them into something much larger over time. And so I I have this I have these conversations actively with myself in the moment because I understand and you know, my my brain goes a hundred steps ahead, but I understand where you're coming from. And so I try to think about the outcome of that. Um what would happen if I do reinforce her behavior? And I know while it might be easier for me in that moment to just buy her the dress because I don't want to deal with it right now.

[00:17:51]I'm not. I told her I wouldn't. And what I will say is Grace, who used to be an explosive child who's had epic meltdowns, has gone from I mean that was over in a couple of seconds. And I work with children. I primarily work with children who have significant behavior challenges and lots of needs. and their children whose lives are not any easier because their parents gave them everything they wanted or I mean because their parents gave them everything they wanted. They're not easier. Their lives are actually harder. And so what I will say is holding the boundary now while you might feel like the worst person in the world and you might feel like oh my gosh I cannot do this or uh you know I I'm I'm just so upset right now. What I will say is your child's life will be significantly better for it because they're not gonna their day is not going to be derailed anytime they don't get their way. Can you imagine not getting your way which happens to us all day long? All day long I'm told no. All day long someone makes me wait. All day long I'm interrupted from fun things. And imagine if And imagine if Sorry, someone John just asked a good question. I'm going to tell you in one minute, John.

[00:19:03]And imagine if every day I had a a my day was derailed from that, right? That would be that would have be good. So, um, again, we're teaching our kids so much more. And and I was just speaking to a parent in my cohort who said, you know, she just went through something monumental with her child where typically when her child cried, she would get her what she wanted. And you know who I'm talking about. If you're watching this, well done. I'm very proud of you. Um, she would give her child what she wanted. and they were in Target a couple weeks ago and she was having some challenging behavior. She went over the expectations beforehand, let her know she wasn't going to have anything.

[00:19:37]Her child still had an epic meltdown.

[00:19:38]She didn't give it to her. They left Target and since then they have been back multiple times and it has been okay and she's been fine and she's been doing all those other things proactively. But in that moment, of course, it's the hardest thing in the world. But I try to think about what this will be doing for my child's life. Now, somebody John just said, "Why not just ask them to deal with their emotions and ask them to express it in words?" So, that will depend, John. A lot of times people's go-to is to teach a child to express their emotions, right? To say, "I'm mad, I'm frustrated, and I'm sad." But what I'll say is two things. Number one, we don't just want to be teaching our kids to express the hard emotions. We want to teach them to express significantly more positive emotions than hard emotions. Because what ends up happening is in those and I'm not saying not to do the hard emotions. I'm going to tell you what about that in a second. But what our kids end up learning is when I express the heart emotion, mad, sad, or frustrated, which are typically only those three. And most kids can't decipher between mad and sad. Um it brings me closer to my mom and that is how I get that connection. I want my child to be fluent in their emotions in much more positive ones than negative ones. So I just I mean you didn't ask that, but I did I do just want to preface that first. Now, the other thing is I'll only prompt an emotion if it makes sense in that moment and it's not always my go-to response. So, for example, it's not always appropriate.

[00:21:02]So, for example, if my child's devastated about something and what they're looking for is me and they're seeking my comfort, then I will teach them to express their emotion if if I can help them. But if I can and if they don't want anything to do with me because some kids truly don't want anything to do with us when they're upset. They could give two you know whats about expressing an emotion.

[00:21:24]They're just upset about the thing you told them no for. And any consoling that we do is going to do nothing because all they care about is the thing. Then teaching them to say I'm sad or I'm mad or whatever it is isn't going to do anything. It's not beneficial for them.

[00:21:38]And so remember, we want to teach our kids even just for challenging behavior, for positive behavior as well. We don't we want to be looking at why that behavior is happening, what they want, and if it makes sense in that moment to teach them. So sometimes I will prompt that if it's appropriate, but not always. So in that moment, I would not have because Grace could care less about me. She didn't want my comfort. She just wanted a doll dress. And so also, I let her know she wasn't having one and we moved on. Uh, anyway, that's what I would say. Hope that helps. Um, somebody said, "My two-year-old has such a wild witching hour before bedtime despite Bath PJ's book routine takes over an hour." Okay, couple of things. Number one, I want to say, excellent job having that routine because that's everything for a child when they know what's coming next. The other thing that I'll say too is think about the way that you plan your day, you know, and all of those unpreferred activities that might be happening before bed and how they're all being stacked up in the most crucial hour of our child's day and ours because we need them to go to bed. And I would say, is there anything you can do outside of that moment? Let's say if going to bed is truly aversive and they don't want to go to bed. And so maybe we're having a witching hour now for I again I can't see it so I don't know but for many reasons one of them might be that they don't want to go to bed. Well what are some other things that we could do earlier? So maybe pajamas are put on before dinner or they're if you if they're not taking a bath that night or the bath happens a little bit earlier so there's not so many highstakes things happening within the time right before bed. And so I would say that that's one thing you could reorganize your day. And the other thing is when my when Grace and Sophia were little in that hour before bed where things can go down south, what I found is if you do not attend to your child during that time, at least for me, this is my own experience, they do have that witching hour because I I many different reasons. And so I always had set calming activities that I would do with them where I gave them my undivided attention for a little bit of time. and whether that was kinetic sand again when they were really little and it was structured and it was with me though so I gave them something to do. Um we had this fake plastic flower garden that we would play with or this little putty set where you have to find something in it but we actively did an activity together. So it was a preferred activity, excuse me, but it was a little calmer and it was more structured. Um, and so that's something that I did that helped me. And I found too anytime I when they were truly very young and I didn't do them that and I left them alone, there were moments where they were like, I don't know what to do with myself right now. And so they kind of got a little loose right before bed. Um, so I would say that making sure you have some pleasant calming activities planned before bed, calming, same routine, which is perfect, which it seems like you're already doing. Um, and then also not, you know, being active in those things that your child is doing such as the bath or pajamas on or whatever it is and not being necessarily, and I'm not saying you are doing this, but not taking a passive approach and not speaking, but you know, narrating what we're doing and engaging our child in conversation because a lot of times when they're bored or nothing's really happening and they're just doing unpreferred activities, they're going to act out because it's a better way to get our attention. And so if we could give it to them proactively by engaging with them and making whatever it is we're doing a little bit more pleasant, there's less likely of a desire that they're going to have to act out because they're getting our attention right now and it's not as bad as I thought this activity was. Mom's hanging out with me, we're talking, this is fun. I'm engaged.

[00:25:16]So I have a lot of videos on that on narrating on that while we're brushing teeth, taking a bath. I have that all in my feed as well. Um, and again, my course, I have a module on making all of these routines easier. brushing teeth, putting pajamas on, screen time, bath.

[00:25:32]Did I say that? All the things. Meal time, it's all in there. Um, okay. In more depth than this. Um, okay. So, someone said, uh, how do we Oh, the Oh, I want to go back to one thing too about the person that said about how do we keep our patience with our children and what can we say to our inner voice. The other thing I do because I got I went off on a tangent about Grace and the American Girl doll and I'm sorry, but something I do just want to say that I try to remember also is that our kids are truly kids. They're kids and many of them have not been alive yet for very long and we often expect behaviors of them that we have never actually taught them or we assume they're common sense and so we think you should absolutely know how to do this. We do this every night. But believe it or not, sometimes our kids aren't more times than you think being defiant. it's that they genuinely did not know what we wanted them to do or what to do. And again, I'm going to go back to telling is not always teaching.

[00:26:29]Sometimes we need to do more than that.

[00:26:30]And that is practicing in roleplay. And so, just keep in mind, it is easy to snap in the moment. It is easy to yell, but they are kids. And when we remember that, I think it helps with a little bit more patience. And so thinking about again I just spoke to a parent about this in my cohort but because this was one of the things that we were learning about and she was saying how she realized when she was reading with her child every night her child would want to go to turn the page before she was done reading the page and then she realized she doesn't know how to read yet. So she doesn't know when the page ends. So she was of course she's not going to know.

[00:27:03]So what can we do to signal to her okay I'm done reading? There's always something we could teach in that moment.

[00:27:08]But knowing how should she know the page is over? She doesn't. She can't read. Of course, she's turning the page. So, we're going to teach her either wait till I finish the page. I'll let you know when I'm done or or shorten the page. But again, it's it's assuming that our kids have all of these skills that they don't always have. And then the other thing I'll always go back to that I've been talking about with myself a lot is mental toughness. And that is it does feel good to yell in the moment. I understand that. And everybody makes mistakes, myself included. And when we do that, we feel like we get something off our chest. But if you do make that mistake, and let's say you do yell in the moment, because you will, and nobody's perfect, that doesn't mean that you we have to go down a rabbit hole of a one hour long of being like that. What I would say is, and what I try to tell myself is, okay, you made a mistake.

[00:27:56]Now, it's time to bounce back. I'm not going to harp on my harp on it. I'm not going to stew in guilt over it right now. That doesn't do anything for anybody. and also continuing to responding correctly isn't helping. But just because I made a mistake doesn't mean I can't switch right now. I could I could I made a mistake and I can move back. So I try to think about sort of the mental my mental toughness and how quickly can I can I shift back to the way that I need to be. So hopefully that was helpful. Um okay, somebody said, "I'm scared I'm starting a business and afraid my original ideas will be stolen before I can make it big." What I will say is you will never know if you never share them. Can you imagine if Jeff Bezos was worried about starting Amazon because he was worried somebody would steal it or Elon Musk was worried about Tesla? I totally understand where you're coming from, first of all, because I was nervous to start this account because of so many reasons. But there's always going to be somebody copying you.

[00:28:54]There's always going to be somebody that's trying to do what you're doing.

[00:28:58]And what I will say is so one two I'm going to give you two things. Number one something Gary Voe says is we can either become the best and biggest version of ourselves by either tearing other people down or becoming the best and I'm not saying this how he says it right or becoming the best version of oursel and be and and doing so well that we become the biggest. Which one's better? If I spend all my time focusing on all these other people that are copying me or that are literally taking my things and making them their own, then I'm going to be wasting so much more of my time where I could be dedicating dedicated on building my account, building my products, focusing on helping parents. I can't worry about all these other people. That's always going to be something that's possible. And what I will say is people will always come back to you. And so if you are a content creator or you are looking to start something, eventually you're going to see people are going to copy you and that's okay.

[00:29:56]But if that's all that they can do, they're not going to be successful because they're going to run out of their own ideas. If everything is an idea that's a carbon copy of yours or from someone else, they're never going to be in an opportunity to, let's say, speak live on a podcast or have a workshop because that requires I don't know what you're looking to do, but that requires a significant level of skill.

[00:30:16]That requires knowing a lot or being able to do a lot at least or practicing.

[00:30:20]And if they can't do that because they have they don't have their own ideas, people are going to find out pretty quickly that they're more likely a fraud and they're never going to make it to that level. Or maybe they will be successful, but it will be surface level success, but the success isn't going to be deep like the way you want it to be if you're not if they're not you're not really um if that person is not at that level and skill set or doing something to to to make a difference is what I'll say. So people I mean there's a number of people that have um copied copy my content frequently and sometimes I read it and I say to my husband I'm like oh so and so did it again but but there's nothing that I could do. Someone did steal my course verbatim in October. I think it was the whole thing. They put it up as their own another behavior analyst and I did have to get a lawyer involved and she took it down right away. it will happen, but it's not anything that we can't deal with. Um, and so it's it stinks. But I would say focus on you. If you know that you have something to share with the world and that you know you have a great business idea and that whatever you're going to bring value to somebody, focus on you and forget everybody else. You're going to you're not going to win if you're focusing on all those other people. So, okay, went we went off a little bit of a behavior tangent there, but so hopefully that was helpful. Um, okay. Next question is, "My four-year-old always holds on to one bad moment and forgets a great day.

[00:31:50]Help." Okay, I don't know if you guys have ever noticed this, but children love talking about the thing that they did wrong or some when something did not go well. So, like for example, when they don't listen and they're like now they want to talk about it with us, right?

[00:32:02]And they're like, "I didn't listen or I hit," right? And so what I'd say is what I'm wondering is how much more attention are they getting for choosing to talk about or wanting to talk about that bad thing verse the positive day and engaging with them for that. And so let's say your child is like, you know, mom, let's say, let's say hypothetically speaking that, you know, Grace was like, "Mom, I hit Sophia before, right?" I wouldn't ignore her completely because that would probably be a little bit obvious. But what I would say is, um, probably something along the lines of, "It's okay, but we're going to do better next time." Like completely nonchalant, unaffected, whatever. I'm not really engaging with you right now.

[00:32:43]But if you want a more animated version of me, then it will be for the positive things. And then what I'll say is don't I wouldn't push it on your child either to say like let's talk about the great day. I would just talk about positive moments throughout it and just things that were truly fun for them. Um but I definitely wouldn't go down a deep rabbit hole with them if they do enjoy talking about all of those negative things. Um high-pitched screaming to get your attention. At what point do you actually address the t child? Absolut uh absolutely right away. I would not ignore them for that. We want to teach them exactly what to say to get your attention, mom. And we don't want it to get to the point where they they've been screaming for so long that now you then prompt it because they learn when I get to a level 100, that is when somebody comes over. So if that that's the level I need to get to and then somebody's going to help me. Um and so sorry, I was reading somebody's comment. And so what I would say is always teach them what to say. If if there's a replacement behavior that is a more appropriate behavior of the challenging behavior that meets the same need. So if they're screaming for your attention, then we always want to teach it to them. If there's not a replacement behavior, whether that is because you're not available or because uh something is truly not possible, then there's a skill that needs to be taught instead, such as waiting. But the first thing that we always want to do is teach our child to say it appropriately and then over time we can surely fade out. Mom's not always available, but appropriate communication is always the first place that we begin not screaming. Um, somebody said, "What do I think about gentle and respectful parenting?"

[00:34:30]It depends on what your definition of that is. Everybody has different definitions of this also. Like some people comment on my videos and say this is gentle parenting which I don't think it is and some people will comment on it and say this is authoritative parenting.

[00:34:42]Yes, I think everybody has a different definition of it.

[00:34:46]I just respond to parenting based on what is best for my child, what's going to teach them the best skills that they have, what's going to make everybody happier and everyone's life easier. And that usually that involves implementing the principles of behavior. And so and what I I will also say about gentle and respectful parenting is again that's different than there's a lot of permissive parenting happening. So I don't know if you mean in and if you are including that but I will always lead with kindness no matter what it is with my child. So even if let's say I do have to impose a consequence or if it is I'm holding a boundary, you can do that while mixing the you can you can be a structured parent and you can have high expectations while also being kind at the same time. And when I say kind, I don't mean overcoddling and saying, you know, sweet nothings in that moment of when they're having a meltdown, but I mean we don't have to yell. We don't have to say now you don't get XYZ.

[00:35:42]When we do things proactively and we set our kids up for success and when they know the expectations ahead of time and when they know the consequences ahead of time and we've actually practiced them and we know that we have taught this skill, then I it's absolutely fine if you say, "I'm so sorry you can't have the scissor right now. We'll try again tomorrow." I think that's pretty kind also. So anyway, that's what I'll say. I don't I don't know what the everybody's definition of gentle and authoritative is, so that's hard for me to answer. Um, I just want to answer someone's question. Hi, I wanted to ask this question. my six-year-old doesn't really respond to any kind of reinforcement.

[00:36:13]What can be a good alternative to a reinforcement? So reinforcement is anything that follows behavior that increases that behavior. So what I will say is if you I it sounds like what you mean is verbal praise or voc or vocal praise. I'm I'm not sure if that's what you mean. Um and so what I'll say is everybody's reinforced by something. We just might not have found it yet. I'll have so many teachers say, "Oh, this child doesn't like anything. This child doesn't want anything. What does that child like to do in their spare time?

[00:36:41]That is what reinforces them. And the other thing I'll say is what does what does the reinforcement look like? That's hard for me to answer if I don't know what it looks like. But what what I want to address as well because some people responded to the questions and they said that they've been using a gem jar and they just wanted to share their success or they've been doing, you know, some external reinforcement systems. And what I'll say about that is I think that and when I say external reinforcement systems I mean extra things that we add on top of our vocal our praise that to to build a behavior whether that is a star chart or a gem jar or whatever it is. What I will say is that gets a big bad that gets a bad reputation a lot of times and the reason for that is simply because people do not know how to use them. They don't know how to implement them the right way and they don't know how to you still have to teach the skill. You can't just say I'm giving you a gem without teaching it. And you also have to fade it out eventually. But when used strategically, those are some really powerful things that can change those behaviors that are very effortful. And I have used them for the things in my house that are so important, like staying in bed overnight, thumb sucking, potty training, and sibling rivalry. And just recently, over the last month or so, I would say we were going through a phase where Sophia was responding a little bit more intensely to Grace than she should be. Like Grace was doing these little things. It was sort of like if you've been following me for a while, what was happening when Grace was one and Sophia was four. We def we went back to a default over the last month or so in which Grace would do something.

[00:38:10]Sophia had a big response and it just wasn't appropriate to whatever Grace did. I did everything I could outside of the moment. I taught the skill. I reinforced it um vocally, verbally, with praise, but I still felt like something, you know, there was just something missing. And I needed this behavior to change quickly now because the tone of the home, I wasn't happy with the way things were going. And so, I just started, I would say two weeks ago, I started using something and I'm going to explain it in a minute that we're almost no longer even using anymore. And I just started using this star chart s this this a sticker system where over the course of two hours and again this is because this is a more effortful behavior for Sophia to engage in. It's important to me and so I'm throwing on some external reinforcement right now and I'm okay with that. And so I chose two hours of a day to teach the skill and and we went over proactively these are the behaviors that are going to be happening with Grace. Whether that is listening to her and um not listening to everything she says, but taking into account what she wants to do, taking turns, sharing, saying something kind.

[00:39:08]We went over all of that. It's been practice outside of it. And now for 2 hours, every 15 minutes after a timer goes off, she had the opportunity to earn a sticker on a sticker chart. And then we came up with together things that she could cash them in for. And now, so that was taught within like the two hours of that day. And then I also wanted the behavior to happen consistently and her not to just see, oh, for two hours that's when I have to behave or that's when I have to be kind to Grace. So I would also every now and then, you know, throw in a surprise sticker on the chart for whatever it is that I saw just so she could see like, oh, mom's still watching. And it completely shifted the tone of our home.

[00:39:46]Like things there, like everything is so much better now. And what I always do is too, I tied it back to to the con the natural consequences for Sophia, which is isn't your life better now? Look at what our days are like now? Isn't it nice to just me now. Can you hear me now? I'm so sorry. Somebody Can you hear me now?

[00:41:01]Uh, can you hear me? Yeah. Your voice is not heard. Mic got muted. Uh, hold on.

[00:41:13]One sec. Can you hear me?

[00:41:17]You can hear me now.

[00:41:20]Okay, it looks like we're good. Okay.

[00:41:21]What part did I turn what part did I get cut off at? I'm sorry about that.

[00:41:30]Um I don't know what part I got cut off at. If anybody remembers like the last thing I said before I went silent.

[00:41:38]Oh well. Um well what but does anybody remember what I said last? Thank you so much everybody. Can you repeat what you said about telling your daughter, "Isn't your day better?"

[00:41:48]Okay, so that's where we left off. Yeah.

[00:41:50]So, I tr I tied that sticker. Um Oh, my responses are delayed now, too. Okay.

[00:41:56]So, I I tied the sticker. Um Okay. Okay.

[00:42:00]Thank you, everybody. I'm sorry. I tied the sticker chart chart to the natural outcome for her. Don't you see that your like your day is better now? It's and it's more enjoyable for you. and now we're hardly using it anymore because Sophia's just gotten to see this is better, this is easier and it's and my world is better now and we kind of got stuck in that. And so what I would say is look at what behaviors are you trying to teach your child that are a little bit more effortful and is it something that we might want to to throw some external reinforcement on for now to teach the skill and then over time we could take it off. And the other thing that I said, I don't know if you heard me if I was muted, is that if you do have the practical parenting course, I uploaded the entire video inside. I can't upload it on my social media. It's like 14 minutes long, but of me. So, and so teaching this to Sophia and Grace and and how it went. And so, if you own it, it's in there. Um, I'm going to send an email to everybody as well letting them know in case they're not in the live.

[00:42:55]So, that's there if you're interested in. But again, if if there's, you know, what I'll say is that I I try to get parents to look at this a little bit differently is there are certain behaviors that we engage in as adults that are very effortful for us. For example, coming to work, right? Let's say, you know, let's say I'm a teacher and every day I'm going to work and that's hard. If somebody said, hey, you know, good job every two weeks and I didn't get paid for it. I'm probably not going to come to work anymore. In what module is it? within the external re uh extra tools for motivation, external reinforcement. Um if somebody said you're just going to get, you know, hey, like a good job after two weeks, I'd probably not be that motivated to come to work. And so for my like staying in bed overnight was a huge thing for my for me, for my kids. I need to sleep. I need them to sleep. And so I have absolutely no problem with teaching that through a little external reinforcement because I know I'm fading it out. Um and I'm also teaching the skill at the same time. So I'd say I would look at that.

[00:43:51]what's what reinforcement you're giving them. But also kids gen kids kids do you know some kids will pretend that they don't like your praise or they'll say like mom don't say that. But typically when you start giving it more consistently and they see that they're going to get it more frequently and that it's not something that um that's that's rare and that it's and it's and and they feel secure in that they're they end up enjoying it and becoming okay with it.

[00:44:16]And so I'll say that um now when can you start doing that and how do you start to fade it out especially for toddlers? I started doing this when Grace was about 2 and a half years old but what I do say is go by your child's developmental level not by their age. Um I don't want to go too far into this right now but I would say I started teaching it at that at that point. I only taught one thing at a time for Grace which was cleaning up. It wasn't, you know, a big thing. Um, we did a gem jar. And so, begin teaching. I You're Oh, you're welcome. And so, what I will say is begin teaching, stick with one thing right now. And your child should be reinforced more frequently as opposed to being able to wait for a very long period of time. So, and at the and I go over again inside of the course, I go over the like how long that should be, the time frame, and everything. But what I'd say is for Sophia, for example, at this point, she's seven. She can go many weeks without we don't use the gem jar anymore for her. We had stopped it and but I did just start like for a long time we haven't but I did just start the sticker thing but she's was earning she wants to earn um she wants to go to the arcade in a couple of weeks that's near our house and so that's okay for her.

[00:45:31]she understands that. But a child who's two and a half or even two might need something then they're in that moment or also might not understand who they don't understand the concept of the days of the week they're not going to be successful for or you know time or numbers they can't you know if we say like okay on Monday you you know they earn something Monday but you they can't have it till Friday they don't understand well okay there's seven days in the week and there's Monday Tuesday Wednesday okay that's four days away and they also aren't necessarily that module is amazing we're on our third gem jar because My four-year-old actually asked for it. Oh, that makes me so happy.

[00:46:04]Thank you for sharing that. Thank you. I just redid it. Yeah. So, that I'm glad you like it. Thank you. Um, and I included stuff for older kids in there as well when I redid it. So, and so what I'll say too is for a younger kid, they might need something right then and there in that moment. Again, I it's it's a it's a little bit more complex. So, I don't want to go um too deep into that now because there's a lot of questions on here and I want to make sure that I get to as many as possible. I also realize that I'm speed talking and I don't typically talk this quickly, especially in my course or anything I'm ever going to teach you. I'm just trying to get through everybody's questions.

[00:46:36]So, please forgive me for the my pace.

[00:46:38]Um, okay.

[00:46:41]Let's see, moving on. How do you deal with a child who is often rude to me? H, this one's this one. I mean, I get it.

[00:46:51]That's just something that could first of all, it depends how old your child is. What? Not it doesn't depend but I will my response is going to vary. Let's say they're you know in elementary school right now. Let's let's just put it there. What I will say is I know how tempting it can be in the moment to say do not be rude to me and how to say you absolutely cannot speak to me that way and I know how badly it can get under your skin. But more often than not doing those things does absolutely nothing truly. And so if your child's older, you can I would I this is there's a lot of nuance involved in this. And I'm going to give you the best response that I can within this live. But again, this is all stuff I go a lot a lot deeper in in my course, but I'm going to give you the best response that I can right now because I want to get to other people. But number one, what I'll say is if your child's a little bit older and there is a replacement behavior for them, let's say being rude or whatever it is, then teach them something better to do. So Sophia went through a phase a couple weeks ago where she was sayingh and duh and it was killing me inside like my it was irking me to my core. Now if I didn't have a three-year-old I probably wouldn't do anything. I probably would have let that go because I know it's going to go away on its own. And I also know that reinforcing respectful communication is something that's very powerful and that's not something we want to overlook when your child actually does that.

[00:48:12]However, I don't want Grace, my three-year-old, to hear from Sophia, duh, or um, you know, the eye rolling.

[00:48:19]And so, outside of the moment when I'm not, my blood is not boiling because I do did not appreciate that, I let Sophia know there are certain things that she could say on her own and there are certain things that she could say in front that she that she cannot say in front of Grace. And I was very clear about all of that. And the other thing that I'll say is too is whenever there was something better for her to say such as like instead of saying duh, she could say, "Oh yeah, that's right." Or like, you know, because people usually say, "Duh," when something's obvious. So I would give her something better to say, like, "Oh, of course." And then I'd say, "Yeah, of course." And I'd reinforce her for doing that. Or recently she would start saying, she was saying, "Um, what the heck?" And again, I don't care honestly. Like I don't care about that.

[00:49:02]I really don't. that's I have bigger fish to fry, but I just don't want Grace hearing all of that right now. And so we went over again outside of the moment, these are some things that she you can say instead of that. And Sophia helped me come up with some of them, too. And this was actually more motivating for her because she because she came up with some I I'm going to post a video on it soon because I I got I got footage of it. What was one of them she came up?

[00:49:26]What was my husband came up with?

[00:49:27]Christmas crackers, but Sophia came up with something SC scam scampy something. I don't even know. It was some It's weird. It's I have no idea. It's something weird with an two s's and she thinks it's hilarious. And so now that is what she says instead of that. And I've doused her with praise for saying that. And the video that I have is the other day she was teaching Grace oh smoking salmon.

[00:49:53]She was teaching she Sophia was teaching Grace how to hold a burrito, which is a big deal because Grace can't hold a burrito. It always falls apart. And so Sophia was trying to teach her. And Sophia um called me in. She goes, "Mom, Grace is eating holding a be burrito by herself, smoking salmon." And it was just such a wonderful opportunity to see her using this. So, what I'd say is if there's something they can say instead, teach them that. For a lot of things, I let it go. When Sophia was um a lot younger and Grace wasn't alive yet, if she said like poop or st like things like that, you know, silly things like that, I don't care. She could say that all she wants at home, but she's not saying it outside of our house. No way.

[00:50:31]Uh, you know, not in front of other people at least. Um, and then what I'd say also is, yeah, I I just I more so care about too is when you say rude is is disrespect.

[00:50:44]So, there are certain things that someone is absolutely not allowed to say, such as, you know, calling someone a name, like you're stupid. That would not be tolerated. Uh, saying you hate somebody. None of that. Or shut up.

[00:50:57]Absolutely not. But when you say rude, I'm I I need a little bit more information about like is this just age typical or is this because all kids are going to do are going to go through that even the best behaved children you have they're going to go through a phase where they are they are like okay and sometimes I want to say who's who's what's okay or who's mama and it's like it may but it does nothing to say Sophia what's mama it let it go most things I can let go unless it's like a blatant the disrespect I spoke to you about or something that I don't want Grace to hear. And so that's again it's a little more nuance. Hopefully hopefully that helped. Um okay, somebody said um how how do you balance not interrupting independent play with giving attention to the behavior? He's 19 months. He usually plays for five minutes independently anyway. This is such a great question. Um, wonderful question and I talk about a lot reinforcing our children. So, acknowledging them when they are playing independently and people will always say, "Isn't that like waking the beast?" And I completely understand that question because you're like, "My child was just playing independently. Now I said that I'm happy with what they're doing and now they realize, oh, mom's here. She's going to play with me." Right? Couple of things.

[00:52:19]Number one, usually what happens if we don't do that is eventually your child will become sick of playing alone. And then what happens is they do engage in a behavior that forces you to respond because you have to. And then they learn that is the behavior that gets mom to respond. And usually it's not one that we want. And so we want to teach beforehand that you're going to get my attention and it's going to be for the appropriate behaviors. The other thing I'll say is if you can start playing with your child every single day for 10 minutes a day where you are simply with them and doing nothing else. You're not multitasking at least 10 minutes a day.

[00:52:54]You're not multitasking. You're not piling on demand after demand of questions, but you're truly entering their world and just having fun with them. Then giving them that proactive attention will what? Think about what happens when you have a lot of something in life, right? We don't want it as badly anymore. And now think about what happens when you don't have something frequently. You want it much more badly.

[00:53:17]So if you begin playing with your child every day, I would say for like 10 minutes a day, and they begin to learn that every day I know I'm going to be able to play with my mom and I don't need to act out to get it. I don't need to uh it's okay to play independently um because I know I'm going to get that tomorrow and they begin to feel more secure in the amount that we're doing with them. you're going to see that significantly decrease their need for you to sit there with them. And this is something that I just worked on. I had a whole module on um and also worked with the parents in my cohort on and every single one of them said, "By giving my child more attention proactively, they are now able to be in more independent, do more on their own." And so I know sometimes after a long day of work or you know we're just so tired and the last thing you could think about now is giving them that 10 minutes. I promise you your life is going to get significantly easier and you're not going to be putting out as many fires and your child is going to be playing more independently because you've done that. And so that's definitely a big thing. And two, again, when they know that they have your attention and you do say you do engage with them, um, then I would say and and you do begin reinforcing that and they know that that's coming and they're secure in that, then they're going to be more okay with with playing independently.

[00:54:33]Um, and also, you know, I did get a lot of questions in here, and I'm not going to answer them specifically on people saying like, "My 2-year-old can't do anything by herself." And so, I would say this applies to that as well. But two, we also want to make sure that we do have realistic expectations depending on our child's age because it's normal for like a young two-year-old, especially a child who just turned two, to not be able to do much on their own or want to It's normal that they always want to be around you. That is normal.

[00:54:59]And so think about what are the realistic expectations? What am I what am I expecting of my child? What what am I trying to have them do? Have I set them up with a different activity? Have I set the conditions up where they can be successful right now? And so there's there's more to look at in this, but I would say is it's normal for your child to want to be with you, especially at that age. And and embra and and I and embrace it. I know that's easier said than done, but as your child gets older, they're not going to be want to be around you as much. And they're going there's going to be a lot more outside influences in place for their behavior and who they are in their life. And while we have this impact on them and we can shape their behavior and how what what kind of person they develop the more contact that we have with them the better. That's just my opinion. I mean truly because again right now especially if you have a toddler you are your child's and a baby world. Everything that they learn primarily comes from you. Now they're going to go to school or one day they're going to have a car and they're going to have friends and they're going to be learning from other people. But what we instill in I I just I I know I'm going off on a tangent now for somebody who just asked me a question about a 2-year-old, but I think this is a good point and that what we instill in them now while they're this young and the work that we put in now is what's going to set them up for success long term. So, I had to go on that. I'm sorry, but I felt like that was important to say. Um, somebody asked me, um, hold on.

[00:56:24]Does Grace use bumpers on her big girl bed? thinking of getting our girl a queen bed. So, Grace is currently still in her toddler bed that comes with a little bit of a blockage on it. Um, she's switching to a big bed on Saturday. Uh, she has a big bed. Her and Sophia are going to have a bunk bed now that's coming on Saturday. And so, I will have a bumper for her for that bed.

[00:56:48]Just one of those ones that you put under the mattress because this is her first time being in a big bed. I would do that. Um, if you have a child that's never been in a bed like that before, I don't think it hurts. Sophia actually learned from me when Sophia switched to a big girl bed, she um fell out of her bed one night when there was no bumper on it. She was about four years old and she cut her chin open and had to get stitches. And so I'll never forget that.

[00:57:15]And so I immediately put a bumper. I didn't think she would need a bumper, but I she did. And so I put one on. I don't think it can hurt now. I don't now she won't fall out of her bed, but better to be safe than sorry. Um, okay. Someone said, I'm going to answer a couple more questions. Um, how do you handle friends that are a bad influence? Both mom friends and kid friends. I don't hang out with people anymore that I don't want to. I feel like, oh, it's my birthday. I keep forgetting I'm 40 today. I'm just at that point in my life where I don't need that many people. You know, I have a very small group of friends, a small group of of of a social circle. And what I have learned from all the business podcasts I listen to and all the entrepreneurship stuff I listen to is the people who you you surround yourself with the most are are the the people that your behavior is more likely to emulate. And so if someone's not a good person and if somebody just is going Thank you so much, Sonia. And if somebody Thank you, Nicole. If some and everybody Thank you.

[00:58:19]Uh, thank you so much. And so if somebody is is going to dampen my, you know, my life, you know, there's there's already so much stuff going on in the world as it is, I don't need anybody I don't need anybody to I don't have time for for for that. And so I will Thank you so much everybody. Thank you. Um, so I just won't hang out with them. I'll try to and I don't have to say like I'm not hanging out with you anymore. I'll just, you know, solely distance myself from them. Um, and then for kids too, kids that are a bad influence.

[00:58:48]I mean, that's going to happen regardless. I would say, you know, of course, if you if you you can avo your child avoid being with them, then go ahead. But I have absolutely no problem if there's a child around my child and they're, you know, let's say not doing the right thing or there's a, you know, different behavior for maybe it's because I'm a teacher, but I promise you nothing, you know, it's f it's if it's I think it's absolutely fine to do this.

[00:59:12]For example, if somebody grabbed something from Grace, I would say, "Hey buddy, Grace was using that. give it back to her. You please give it back to her and if you want it, you can say, "May I have a term when you're done?"

[00:59:22]And I'll just tell the child, you know, I have absolutely no problem telling them that and and doing what I need to do. Um, and again, I like I said before when somebody said, "How can we handle kids that are bad influence?" That's when I was talking about giving your child so much attention proactively and spending that time with them. What I will say is again the the things that we do with them now at this age when they are so young and even if your child's in elementary school before they have the opportunity to not be with you and to have a car or whatever it is this is we are we are we have the the most impact on them and the most contact with them now that we will ever have. And so this is the age to do all the things that we need to do that I talk about all the time and that you follow me for. So, um, okay.

[01:00:07]I'm going to ask, "Is your content specific for children with autism?" Uh, somebody asked me, "Oh, someone said I do the same with other kids. It's the teacher vibe." Yeah, why not? And again, I always say lead with kindness. There's no, you don't have to say you can't take that from Grace or whatever. I just say Grace was using that. If you'd like to use it, you could say, "May I have a turn?" Um, the other thing someone said uh uh specific for kids with autism. So actually everything that I teach and everything on my account are all things I've been a behavior a district behavior analyst. I've been a special education teacher. It's the principles of behavior apply to everybody. People engage in behavior for different reasons usually because we're trying to get something or get away from something. And that does not change no matter what your age is or what your disability is. Now with that being said, somebody said for children with autism again I also want to say a diagnosis is not also isn't going to also change what I teach but it might change a little how I teach something.

[01:00:59]So, if a child, let's say maybe a child with autism needs more practice opportunities, more explicitly teaching more even more than I even tell you guys about. For example, if I know that I'm working with a child that has more limited skills and they have a meltdown, every time they are told no, and sure, I could go over it with my perhaps a neurotypical child outside of the moment a couple of times and hopefully we could be okay. I might have to be setting up some intentional time with that learner to work on giving them everything, having all the things that they love, but also having things that are highly preferred as well. So now when I deny them the thing that they love, they're also still getting the other thing that's not as, you know, it's not a straight no. You can't have this, but you can have this. And I'm setting up lots and lots of opportunities to work on that skill throughout the day. And so there might be some more intentional teaching, explicit teaching, huge, huge, huge, huge, we spoke about language earlier, but huge focus on teaching language and teaching our kids how to communicate. And again, I do that for any child. Um, this account actually began as a teacher account and an account to help with people with um children that that uh children that might need more support or uh educators.

[01:02:14]And when I saw how, you know, when I became a district behavior analyst and I saw that what I was teaching to to spe in classrooms with ch uh special education classrooms were the same principles that just looked slightly different as what might be happening in a general education classroom. And I saw how lives were changed again and I and and earlier on in my career, I didn't have that history. I saw more people need to know about this. And so then I began sharing more information for parents and for everybody to consume.

[01:02:44]And so what I would say is specifically if you're talking about your child with autism, they might need more practice, more explicit teaching. Um there's a lot that goes into that, but the principles of behavior are the same. We always want to be teaching skills, not just stopping behavior because that's what everybody's, you know, how do I get this to stop, but what skills does my child need to learn so that they don't need me anymore and so that their life is easier, too. Um okay, I'm going to answer one more question because we've been on here for quite some time now.

[01:03:13]Um, let's see. Let's see.

[01:03:16]Um, stuff. Okay. My 2-year-old is almost three. She's so defiant. I try to tell her ahead of time and prepare her before we do stuff. Instead, she is always yelling, "No. How do I get her out of that defiant stage?" So, again, I'm always going to preface this by saying, "I haven't seen her, so it's hard for me to answer this. And I also don't know what's currently going on. Whereas, if I were standing in your house, I would certainly be able to help you with this.

[01:03:45]But let's go over a couple of proactive things that we can have happening or not happening.

[01:03:50]Number one, I will say a lot of times when parents do go over something with their kids ahead of time, they typically use that. I think I spoke about this in the last live too, and I did also a little bit last night in my post. There is a doomsday or teacher voice that happens where we simply are signaling to our kids a catastrophe is about to happen. So, for example, you know later that daddy's going to be putting you to bed or however there's just a there's something in our voice in which our tone is changing. We become more serious. Our facial expression changes and then we're just signaling to our kids this is a big deal right now and then they say no and then we respond. So I what what I what I would say is if you're saying that you do tell her ahead of time and prepare her my first thing is make sure your voice is a little bit more conversational and like this is not the end of the world but that this is simply any other day. The other thing that I would say too is you kids don't need to know everything. So my question was I mean of course there are certain things we should tell them and that is the respectful thing to do and I do talk about that a lot. But with that being said, I don't tell my child every little tiny thing. And so my question is I'm hope that you guys could see where my thought process is going as well by by giving you some things to think about.

[01:05:00]Um and but by giving your child um I I'm just wondering what are the exact things that you tell her everything for ahead of time. Uh and then I would say again it depends on what. So I try to always look you know use something called positive forecasting. So or letting your child know oh hey Eva I see Eva just joined um letting your child know that um you know this is happening but then this is also happening. So you know whatever whatever that is that might be. So I might set not say Grace it's time to leave the you know we're leaving the park in 5 minutes. Let's say your child says no. Number one we don't have to say yes. We we're not going to get back and forth because it's simply happening. but also it's time to leave the park in five minutes so we can go home in XYZ. So I try to while they're younger and still in that phase of learning you know that something is ending that they might not want to end well what is positive that is happening that we can talk about or look forward to. Um and the other thing is what happens when she does say no I need to know this as well in order to answer.

[01:06:07]Does someone say yes? Does somebody reexlain but this is what we have to do.

[01:06:11]Do you then say I'm, you know, like does that produce more from you? Because what we don't want to happen is we say, you know, uh, Grace, it's time to get your clothes on. And then we say your child says no, and then we say yes. And then we say, but it's time for school. But D.

[01:06:28]If you do things ahead of time, again, if you say, you know, it's time to get your schools your clothes on for school.

[01:06:33]And if your child has a learning history, let's say, of not liking that, then what is positive that we can associate that with? Number and this is again I know I'm giving you a big answer right now but this is very nuanced and I can't just respond to what the behavior looks like. I need to know more about what's happening before which is what are you talking about when you say you're telling her something ahead of time and how you respond after she says no because that's going to tell me why it's happening and why it's still happening. And without that information I cannot give you an accurate answer.

[01:07:05]But I'm just trying to give you right now some things that could be variables that could be helpful for you. So again, we were talking about school. So what is that? Um what happened with the idea of having a big meeting with parents and kids?

[01:07:20]I'm not sure what you mean by that. Um so and so I would uh uh and so again what Oh. Oh, the big meeting with parents and kids. Oh, I see what you're saying. Um, when I said doing it live, that is something that I would definitely like to do one day and I do uh like and that person means live in person. I would I would love to do that one day. And I'm trying to think about how that would work and the logistics of it. In case you didn't see my story, I just hired a company to um that's going to be managing me. And so they're going to be helping me with all of this and putting this stuff all in place because I cannot simply do that on my own. And so I hope in the future this is going to happen for sure. Um, and the other thing that I'll say too is on June 30th, that is when my that the best way that you can work live with me if that's what you truly want is my I have a VIP cohort in which a very small group of parents and I just saw Eva join who is here. So, uh, if you are here, Eva, uh, hello. And which I just had, you know, we just had our last meeting today. And again, that you would like the most access to me at the most affordable price, then this is it. Because I can't even tell you the things that I can work on with somebody live within, you know, a consistent amount of time. These parents were tell have their lives have changed. being able to talk through the situations. Hey, Eva. And have them learn through skill. Have them practice skills um and going through videos that they might submit or videos that I don't want to share on Instagram. And parents who are saying that they went from being afraid of their child to now feeling confident or that they're just mindb blown that their child is sleeping through the night or um life is just better. And so again, I do have that option available as well if that's something you want that you are interested in. Uh, and I'm going to share more about what those parents shared too because I think it is really powerful. And I also do have in some of the cohorts many of the husbands do join and it is also recorded and so you can always go back and watch or have your partner watch as well. Um, and it's of you know that that is something that would be I think helpful. So anyway, if that is something you're interested in and you do want to have that access to me and you do want to to pick my brain for 9 weeks so that life can be easier for the rest of life, let me know. Let me know. Send me a DM. Um there's really truly only a few spots left. I've been having a lot of people join. And so with that being said, I do want to say uh I'm going to get going. Thank you so much everybody who submitted your questions and for coming on and for following along on my journey and and um just for being here. here. I appreciate all of you and also um what you're doing for your children to try to to teach them, you know, how to have a better life as well.