The Actual Worst Resident Evil Movie

Added: 2026-05-08

[00:00:00]Sup gamers. Just a quick little context before the video. This was supposed to go up like a few days ago, but the copyright bots hit and they hit hard.

[00:00:09]Now, usually this is not much of an issue for me and just takes, yeah, a few little tweaks here and there. You know, it's part of the whole YouTube video making game. I get it. But for whatever reason, this time Sony was really on one. They had their [ __ ] lasers locked on my ass this entire process. I made this thing blue, gray, black, and white. Flipped the screen every which way but down. And every time they were like, "Nice try, idiot." But this random 5-second clip is for God's eyes only.

[00:00:38]So, I had to hit the nuclear option. And I did end up plopping an overlay on the video. Such is life. I did find this super cute one from a Reddit post a couple years back, so it's all still in theme. I think it works pretty well.

[00:00:52]Shout out user Jojo Blue Game. Great stuff. Uh anyway, apologize for the slight inconvenience. Hope you enjoy.

[00:01:00]Now, onto the video. Now, as someone that's played a Resident Evil game or two, when I heard about Resident Evil Welcome to Raccoon City being in development, I was understandably pretty excited. Much as I do enjoy and appreciate the Ma Jovovich series for what they are, which as we all know is high art, there's just something so much more special about the prospect of a more faithful adaptation of the series's most iconic games. I mean, of all the long-running iconic video game franchises out there, Resident Evil is one of the only ones I can think of that virtually all of its mainline installments would make incredible film or TV adaptations. Maybe Final Fantasy in the right hands. I mean, definitely not American hands. You don't want another Ghost in the Shell situation. My god. Mortal Kombat should be one of the easiest ones. I mean, it's just a goddamn fighting tournament. But boy, do those movies love getting bogged down in the weeds. I will say Scorpion's Revenge is pretty good though. I would recommend that one. Pretty tight.

[00:02:04]>> Oh, that was great.

[00:02:06]>> So, yeah. You know, uh there's certainly some other candidates here, but I don't think there is a deeper well to mine from than what Resident Evil has to offer. Games like RE 1 and 7 would make for great claustrophobic, intense classic horror movies. RE4, five, and eight would offer over-the-top, nutty ass action films with as many setpiece moments as any big budget superhero movie out there. I mean, that [ __ ] Heisenberg fight, come on, man. Don't tease me. And then stories like Ari 2, 3, and 9 would be an awesome mix of all of those elements. Not to mention things like Resident Evil Zero's iconic opening hours on the train or all the craziness of Code Veronica. Hell, with the right people, I'm sure you could even squeeze out a somewhat decent RE6 adaptation.

[00:02:49]It's not impossible.

[00:02:55]>> Jesus Christ.

[00:02:56]>> The whole series is just so inherently cinematic and simple in a good way that would make the jump to the big screen in the right hands just totally [ __ ] seamless. I think it's not like they're super complex things here. I mean, it's not [ __ ] Metal Gear that doesn't even make sense to its own fans or Super Mario that apparently can only be turned into this like 4x speed cacophony of noise masquerading as a movie. It's just such a slam dunk that it's not even funny. It is a truckload of money just waiting to be dumped on any sociopathic studio heads that luck into greenlighting it. It just needs some real talent and support behind it. I truly believe that. So once the initial excitement of this movie being a thing cleared and we got some more information and I bothered to, you know, do a bit of research, you can imagine my disappointment upon realizing just how non-s seriously this movie was being treated. And boy did it tease me too. It wasn't like there was never any hope for this project. No sir, initially my guy James Juan was involved. the man behind Saw, Insidious, The Conjuring, a halfdecent Aquaman movie, and a producer of a whole bunch of other [ __ ] The man's been around a long time, and he knows his horror. More importantly, he wasn't some bottom of the barrel talent.

[00:04:11]A person like him brings a level of credibility and budget and all kinds of other stuff to a project that just gives you more faith in that thing working out. You can get better talent, better marketing. You can just have a legit go of it. And the word was that along with writer Greg Rouso, they were working on a script that was quote brutal and horrifying that drew inspiration from, wait for it, Resident Evil 7 Biohazard.

[00:04:36]I mean, oh god, that is a that is a mean, tough [ __ ] pill to swallow, folks. Jesus, you're >> on the verge of greatness. We were this close.

[00:04:46]>> Instead, though, a lack of support for that idea from the studio led to both of their departures. And in its place, we have this. A low-budget bottom of the barrel movie set to die in the wonderful wasteland that was the pandemic box office. Boy, does that take me back.

[00:05:01]Directed by Johannes Roberts, a guy who most notably put out a killer monkey movie earlier this very year.

[00:05:16]Ma'am.

[00:05:21]>> And look, I'm pretty down for monkey cinema here, folks. I saw The Monkey in theaters last year. I love me some Godzilla versus Kong. I think that the monkey in the Fly is cool as hell. Great chemistry with Jeff Goldblum. But this is not exactly the kind of talent I want to see handle my Resident Evil films.

[00:05:37]Maybe Resident Evil Zero. Okay, you can do that one, but that's it. [ __ ] those guys, by the way. And you know, it's not like I'm looking for Christopher Nolan here or anything. I don't need some Academy Award-winning effort. I just want something that I can expect or at least hope to be good. And there's just not a lot of hype that one can build for a movie like this. So, naturally, this movie, like many in 2021, just kind of came and went. And uh as for me, yeah, I uh I uh I skipped this one. I ended up saving my money for No Way Home. And you know what? That was a good choice because now that I have seen this, oh boy, is it just so much worse than I ever imagined. And let me tell you, it is coming at you in all ways. Movies can be bad. Okay, it is a fullcourt press here.

[00:06:23]>> Leon S. Kennedy. What's the S stand for, stupid?

[00:06:27]>> Let's go ahead and look at that poster, shall we? For those of you familiar with the games, I want you to make some assumptions about what this movie might be about based on what you see here.

[00:06:36]Okay, go ahead. Lock in your answers.

[00:06:39]So, what do we got? There is an Umbrella logo in the back, so that's clearly in play. I imagine they play a role in the story. Okay. The title of it certainly suggests that this will be centered around Raccoon City. All right. All right. This makes sense so far. But then, who are all these people? Well, this lady has got to be Claire Redfield.

[00:06:57]I mean, come on. She's got the jacket.

[00:06:58]She's in Raccoon City. Dead giveaway, folks. Not getting that one by a sleuth like me. Okay, so this is probably a movie based on Resident Evil 2. Safe to say, which is pretty cool. One of my faves. And that must mean that this guy in the vest is playing Leon Kennedy.

[00:07:16]Hey, isn't that the guy from Victorious?

[00:07:18]Remember Victorious? That was a weird show.

[00:07:20]>> It snowed in Los Angeles.

[00:07:24]>> I told you global warming was bogus.

[00:07:26]>> Stop watching Fox News.

[00:07:28]>> No, it's fair and balanced. Okay, but if this is Resident Evil 2 and this lady is Claire and this guy or one of the other guys is Leyon, then who the hell are the other three? It's not exactly a story with like five main characters, at least as far as I remember. I mean, maybe they decided to make Mr. X a hot young guy.

[00:07:46]Who knows? Well, whatever. I'm sure it'll all make sense once I start watching it. It isn't like they would shove a whole other story on top of Resident Evil 2 in a movie that barely runs over 90 minutes. I mean, there's just no way. Right. Right.

[00:08:00]>> Well, someone found a body up at the old Spencer mansion. It's all chewed up.

[00:08:05]>> So, we open up at an orphanage and we see this little girl struggling to sleep. Now, why, you may ask? Well, there appears to be some kind of monster hidden in the dark. One that no one believes is there aside from her. She is getting gas lit big time.

[00:08:20]>> I saw her. You didn't You didn't see anything.

[00:08:25]>> So, she goes to investigate in the late hours of the night. And who does she find? Oh my god. Is that Lisa Trevor?

[00:08:31]That's not where you should be.

[00:08:32]>> Lisa Trevor.

[00:08:34]>> All right. Maybe they're just setting up some previous lore that will come into play later. Who knows? Maybe this takes place back in the ' 60s or ' 70s or something. I don't know. Wait, then if this is Lisa Trevor, then who the hell is this girl? Is she like notable or something?

[00:08:49]>> Wait, Redfield, isn't it? Chris and Claire Redfield.

[00:08:54]>> Wait, what? So, I wanted to guide all of us up to this point because this opening sequence operates as like something of a thesis for the film, if you will.

[00:09:03]Because what this film really is is this scene taken to this just bizarre extreme, mainly in that it is a blended smoothie of a whole bunch of Resident Evil lore and characters and stories in a way that sometimes makes sense and kind of works, but mostly just results in this gigantic huge [ __ ] mess of a movie. Like I love smoothies. I once weighed in line at the drive-thru at Tropical Smoothie for like 45 minutes.

[00:09:31]Granted, it was one of those drive-throughs that traps you in with those uh little walls in the side. So, you know, isn't like I had a choice, but still get the point. Little suntos fallacy in the mix as well. Thing about smoothies though is that not every ingredient in the world is going to mix well with everything. In fact, some will make abominations the likes of which you don't even want to imagine. And that is a metaphor that will become even more clear as we go.

[00:09:57]>> Um, what's the Spencer mention?

[00:09:59]>> I'm not even coming at it from the perspective that everything must be totally accurate to the game's narratives. That really does not concern me. It's whatever. It's an adaptation.

[00:10:08]It can take plenty of liberties. So be it. But the issue is not that they're changing stuff around to better fit the structure of a feature film or whatever.

[00:10:17]it's that the things they change literally make the movie even harder to pull off. Again, like I said, one of the reasons why I'm such a believer in the idea of Resident Evil working in film is that all the game stories are very, very simple. Yes, some are more scary and some are more silly and over the top, but they're all very easy to understand basic ass narratives. Save a girl, escape a place, save a girl, and escape a place. It could not be less complicated. you would have to go out of your way to make this a harder job than it needs to be, which apparently is exactly what this movie has an interest in. So, in this scene, they're not only bringing Lisa Trevor away from the mansion and into Raccoon City proper, which is one thing, but they're also tying Chris and Claire to her and to Birkin, who this guy is, by the way, in this personal way that immediately makes the story way too intimate. This is an issue with a lot of shitty ass scripts out there where the writers feel the need to make everyone know each other even when they just don't need to or have characters intersect that also just don't need to happen. I'm looking at you Game of Thrones season 7 and 8. Hey, wouldn't it be cool if all these random ass people went on a mission beyond the wall? No, actually, please don't do that.

[00:11:33]>> I don't want it. And in this case, it totally kneecaps any potential mystery within the RE2 story where Clare would be discovering all this [ __ ] for the first time that night, not knowing who the [ __ ] Burkin was or that anything suspicious was going on beneath the city. Again, they're just making their own job harder. Not to mention the fact that including Lisa Trevor at all in a movie that is what I assume mainly adapting RE2 is just getting way too much into the weeds. Like, why are we doing this? It isn't like they're going to go to the mansion or anything, right?

[00:12:05]Like that already happened. She should be dead. Wait, what?

[00:12:10]>> My head is killing me. This scene also signals perhaps the worst writing sin of the movie in that for some reason, characters throughout the entire runtime keep referring to people by their names in ways that no one in real life ever would.

[00:12:26]>> Leon S. Kennedy. What's the S stand for, stupid? Leon Kennedy.

[00:12:32]>> Nice to meet you, Leon Kennedy.

[00:12:35]>> Redfield, isn't it? Chris and Claire Redfield.

[00:12:39]>> I mean, clearly this is some brilliant move to make people get goosebumps or whatever the [ __ ] when they hear a name they recognize. And, you know, that's a bad thing to do anyway. But even by those standards, it's executed in the most obvious and awkward way possible.

[00:12:53]It's just I've I've just never seen anything like it. It's so funny. Where's my brother? Chris Redfield.

[00:12:59]>> So, you're Chris's little sister, huh?

[00:13:01]>> Be rest assured, if you wonder what someone's name is or you forget, this movie has got your back, brother.

[00:13:07]Someone will be spitting it out within a few minutes.

[00:13:10]>> With this Valentine, >> why don't you just take a seat and leave the poor kid alone, huh, Wesker?

[00:13:15]>> You're a freak, Valentine.

[00:13:17]>> I'm sorry, Wesker. Is that important?

[00:13:19]>> What's Victor's doing here?

[00:13:21]>> Who the [ __ ] are you? Now, some of you extra special boys and girls out there will immediately identify some pretty strong Ari to faithfulness in the early part of this movie once they leave the orphanage. You cut to Claire, now grown up, on her way back into town to, in this case, reunite with Chris after she ran away from the orphanage back in the day. So, yeah, not the same story exactly, and she isn't coming in on her bike. But, you know, you still get the uh truck driver eating his sandwich and hitting a zombie and getting infected.

[00:13:49]Point is, there's clearly some awareness of the games at work here, which uh you know is something. If it sounds like I'm reaching for some positives here, you would be right. Just trying to be fair here because shortly after this, the movie really goes down the drain. And for uh being not even 10 minutes in, that's not very good, folks. Such signs of this decline include, for example, throwing up a big intro wall of text after a full 12 minutes of movie, which is just so weird. Like that just doesn't happen in real movies. Like you couldn't have just had someone say this in a scene or stuck that at the beginning where it belongs. You know, there's options. Though, I guess all the usual exposition time was spent on reciting people's names, so perhaps not. And then we cut to a scene in a diner. And this part of the movie is so important because similar to the first sequence, setting up this kind of jumbled mishmash the movie was going to be. This is where it starts to set in just how truly insane the script of this movie is and how extreme the forcing together of different elements from the games is going to be. Because instead of, you know, staying with Claire or cutting to Leon and starting his side of the story, we cut to the other randos on the poster and you realize, oh [ __ ] these aren't a bunch of randos at all. This is the OG crew, Chris, Jill, and Wesker. And not only are they all still in town and all still buddy buddy, but they haven't even gone through the events of the first game. [ __ ] And now the reality sets in that we are about to speedrun in the span of like 65 to 70 minutes both the plots of Resident Evil 1 and 2 while simultaneously attempting to weave them together in one cohesive narrative. Now if you hear that and think, "Huh, well that's not going to work," then you, my friend, are apparently a whole lot smarter than uh all the people that worked on this movie. So big ups. Maybe you got a future in the industry. Who knows? But hey, you know what? Beggars can't be choosers and your boy wants to see a fun Resident Evil film in whatever form they choose to present it. So, just like I did with the Mila ones, I'm going to lower my bar, throw out my expectations, and just try to take what this movie gives me. I won't even complain that Wesker isn't wearing sunglasses at night indoors. Not going to do it. In fact, it's fine. It's totally fine. I actually like it. It's so cool that Wesker is just some random guy. Boy, do I I love that. I mean, that's just that's so good.

[00:16:19]>> Eyes.

[00:16:21]What happened to my eyes? I can't see.

[00:16:23]>> All right, so let me try and get this story straight. Here's a scoop. So, just like the games, pretty much everything involving the backstory of Umbrella and the Spencer Mansion. That's all the same. At least I think so. They don't really talk about it. So, honestly, uh, who knows? But, uh, it seems to be. So, let's just kind of go with that reality.

[00:16:42]Makes things a whole lot easier. Except now, like we already saw, Chris and Claire Redfield were raised in the Raccoon City orphanage under the direct care of Dr. William Berkin. So, there is a personal connection there. Will that come into play later? Not really. But it does mean that Chris and Claire have this dynamic where he resents her for uh running away and leaving him behind.

[00:17:03]Now, does that come into play? Also, no.

[00:17:06]Not really. So, the reason she's coming into town is she's in cahoots with some conspiracy guy that believes Umbrella is running some [ __ ] up experiments in the city and she wants to help investigate it andor make sure Chris is safe or something. Chris, like usual, is a cop and works with Jill and Wesker and they also have like this love triangle thing going on. Now, does that come into play? Also, no. You might notice a common theme here. Leon is here as well, and it's not his first day on the job.

[00:17:36]In fact, he's just some goofy loser that everyone seems to bully. He shot his partner in the ass, apparently. That's his character.

[00:17:44]>> So, I heard that you shot your partner in the ass during trainer. Is that true?

[00:17:50]>> So, they're all at the diner saying each other's full government names and dropping very subtle references.

[00:17:56]>> Hey, >> you snooze, you lose.

[00:17:58]>> What?

[00:17:58]>> Still a sandwich now. And eventually they all leave, but not before seeing some weird [ __ ] like a crow flying straight into the window and the waitress's eye bleeding. Ooh, creepy.

[00:18:10]This other cop also talks about going up to the old Spencer mansion to investigate a dead body. I wonder where that's going to lead to. Then Claire shows up at Chris's house and tries to lube him in on her conspiracies and he's like, "Eh, you crazy stupid lady. Get the heck out of here. I got to go to work. Here's some money. Don't the door hit you on the way out. Also, don't touch my [ __ ] bike. That's how he sounds. Yes.

[00:18:32]>> You show up here, you break into my house. What? What kind of person can pick a lock like that? It's kind of impressive, but also, what the [ __ ] >> Then old Dr. Bergen gets the call that the city is about to be zombie town, and he gets the heck out of dodge. The town's alarms go off saying that everyone needs to stay in their homes.

[00:18:49]Clara is almost killed by a couple of zombies. She steals Chris's bike and is out of there. Meanwhile, how does the police respond to this dire citywide emergency? Well, that's the thing. They don't. In fact, it's not clear if they even know anything is going on as they're all just kind of hanging out in the office like usual and uh tossing balls at each other.

[00:19:11]>> What would the worst way to die be?

[00:19:14]>> What?

[00:19:15]>> To be swallowed whole by a snake or eaten alive by a great white shark? I suppose the real reason they don't have a reaction to the town going into a massive lockdown is because then they couldn't do the plot of RE1 in the middle of this. So, uh, for now, just forget about the imminent zombie outbreak. It's just another boring night at the police station. Don't worry about it. Plan on dying peacefully in bed, snuggled in Wesker's big burly arms.

[00:19:45]>> Yeah, too, brother.

[00:19:47]>> And listen up you hooligans. We got a situation on our hands. Hey you. Yeah, you Wesker face. Why don't you put away that [ __ ] stupid pager of yours and pay attention to my briefing? What are you, some kind of drug dealer? You got some some lady friend or something? Now get the heck moving and find out what happened to Bravo team. What? There's alarms going off in town and we're being quarantined. Who cares? Get on the chopper and get the heck out of here.

[00:20:11]>> Jesus Christ. Get back there, man. AND GET A HAIRCUT, YOU goddamn hippie. What they don't tell you is though is that Wesker's pager is not for communication with the lady. Well, I guess it kind of is. More on that later. It's actually how he's talking to his clients that want the evil research from the mansion.

[00:20:28]That's right. All that still in place.

[00:20:30]Wesker is still a [ __ ] Now, he's not also like a secret scientist part of Umbrella, but his mission remains. So then they fly off and then the truck driver from earlier crashes into the police station and comes flaming inside and then is gunned down by Chief Irons.

[00:20:46]And this is where I start to have some questions. See, at this point, no one is aware of a zombie outbreak or that a thing like this is even possible. Like there's no other zombies outside at this point. So, when this guy crashes and then walks in on fire, the choice to immediately shoot him in the face instead of, I don't know, using a fire extinguisher is just [ __ ] crazy.

[00:21:11]That's murder as far as he knows.

[00:21:13]Though, I guess not any more crazy than the chief up and quitting the very next scene and just piecing the [ __ ] out of there. So, this dumbass Leon is in charge now, I guess. Cool.

[00:21:23]>> At ease. Take care. Good luck. I know you'll do a good job. Then we cut over to the mansion where an entirely different movie is taking place. Where's DY? We got to find DY. Guys, >> Marini and Douly are in here somewhere.

[00:21:37]>> Who the [ __ ] is Douly? That guy's not in the games, right? I don't think so.

[00:21:42]>> DOULY. CALL DIE. DIE. LET'S CALL DOULY.

[00:21:44]>> DIE. D IN THE HOUSE.

[00:21:47]>> DIE'S IN THE HOUSE.

[00:21:48]>> NOW, the mansion crew does immediately split up, which to the movie's credit is very accurate to the game. And boy, do they just have no interest in teamwork in that game.

[00:21:57]>> Okay, let's separate again.

[00:21:59]>> Then we cut back to the other movie and Chief Irons can't leave town because the uh roads are blocked off. So then he just kind of goes right back to the station and unresigns. Uh why they spent like 5 to 10 minutes on this random subplot. You know what? Beats me. So then he almost gets killed by a dog, but is saved by Claire and Leon. And now the three of them team up as an army of zombies is assembling at the main gate outside. They also talk for some reason.

[00:22:27]I guess these are some classic yelling for brains type zombies. Cool.

[00:22:36]So the chief goes to radio for the helicopter to come and rescue them while Leon and Cla raid the armory. And while they're down there, Leon finds Claire's conspiracy theorist connect. And since Leon is a huge dumbass in this movie that barely even knows how to hold a gun, the guy just disarms him through the bars and forces him to set him free, but there's a zombie in the guy's cell and uh he just kind of dies anyway. Oh well. Cut back to the mansion and the gang is not doing so hot. They find Bravo team dead among many others and they start to get wrecked themselves. So then the helicopter pilot gets got by a zombie and then as a zombie decides to take off and crash into the mansion which almost kills Jill and Wesker, but it does reveal a secret hidden passageway. Then Wesker comes clean and tells Jill that he's actually a double agent and he's got to go get some evil research to sell off to his clients.

[00:23:27]See, this Wesker, unlike the typical insane world domination one we're used to, is not motivated by any of that, but more of like this kind of Hallmark movie drive to get out of his small town life and move to the big city or something.

[00:23:43]It's kind of wholesome. I guess >> it was just a way of getting out of this this small town dead end life.

[00:23:51]>> And uh really just not that much of a bad guy all things considered. I mean, it's not good to uh sell off evil research, but you know, he's not betraying anyone or trying to kill anyone really, so not a huge deal. But Jill doesn't like it, though, so he ends up scurrying off on his own anyway.

[00:24:09]Bye-bye. Then back in the station, the other crew is making their escape as the horde begins to overrun the whole goddamn place, and they go to the orphanage of all places. Why, you ask?

[00:24:19]Well, good question. You see, turns out that Chief Irons knows about a secret passage to the Spencer mansion that connects somewhere in the Raccoon City orphanage. He's been bought off by Umbrella, and that's how he knows all of this. Now, let's take a quick break and talk about a little thing called exposition. You see, in a movie or a show or a game or a book or just literally anything, if you want to convey some information to your audience, one of the ways you can accomplish this is by having one of your characters exposit this in dialogue. But there's a trick, okay? In order for the audience to receive said information, this is important here, okay? Take notes. It's got to be audible, as in you can hear it with your ears. This is some pretty highlevel stuff here, I know.

[00:25:09]Bear with me. Hang in there. But it's worth noting because when the movie decides to tell us about the secret passage and that Chief Irons is a rat, they choose this, I guess I'd call it an experimental technique of making that exchange of dialogue uh borderline impossible to hear as it slowly fades out to make room for Leon walking around.

[00:25:33]>> Hey, why are we here? This place has a secret passageway that leads to the Spencer mansion.

[00:25:40]>> How'd you know about this place?

[00:25:43]>> And you know, much as I do admire radical new film making techniques, I got to say this one, it doesn't work.

[00:25:49]But hey, maybe that's just me. I don't know. Luckily, none of this matters because the chief gets his face eaten off the very next scene. And then Claire's old pal, Lisa Trevor, comes in and helps them find the secret passage to the mansion and uh sends them on their way. Does Lisa Trevor make any other appearance or impact on the movie in any way after this? No, she's gone now. Forget about it. Meanwhile, Chris and Jill meet back up and then Claire and Leon find a room with all kinds of records of the work Umbrella has been doing in the city for years. Oh, and look, they even think that they're about to get a sequel or two out of this. How cute.

[00:26:24]>> Let's go find my brother. So, everyone's in the tunnels now, and Wesker finds the [ __ ] he needs to get from Birkin, who's there with his family packing up. Now, Wesker doesn't want to hurt anybody here. Remember, this guy is really not that much of an [ __ ] He just wants his money, so no one do anything stupid like trying to shoot him.

[00:26:46]Okay. Well, uh, down goes one. All right. All right. Well, the other two of you definitely don't do anything stupid.

[00:26:53]I mean, what are you going to do? Try and shoot him again?

[00:26:58]Well, [ __ ] All right, but for real this time, there's no way this small child is also going to try and shoot him. I mean, I know the rule of threes applies here, but there's just there's just no way.

[00:27:12]Oh my god, it was going to happen again.

[00:27:14]What is wrong with these people? So, Jill pops Wesker. He has a change of heart and tells her and Chris how to get out of there. And then he dies. Kaput.

[00:27:22]But before he died, Burkin shot himself up with some virus, uh, T- virus, Gvirus, some virus juice, and comes back as a big monster man and begins to hunt down the gang. But Chris and Claire meet up and kill him again. So, no big deal.

[00:27:39]My boy, shut the [ __ ] up.

[00:27:43]You see, it really matters that they already knew him because otherwise you wouldn't get this just superb emotional satisfying moment. That is what we call an elevation of the material, folks. H chef's kiss.

[00:27:57]>> Get [ __ ] AWAY from my brother.

[00:28:07]>> Then everyone gets on the train and who comes back yet again but Dr. William Birkin for a third time as an even bigger monster. Leon blows him up with a rocket launcher and the day is saved, but then they hear the nuke going off up top and uh oh [ __ ] not the cow. They then walk out of the minehaft and uh just kind of stops. That's it.

[00:28:32]So, if you're familiar with both Resident Evil 1 and 2, and even some of the other ones they make reference to, like [ __ ] Code Veronica for some reason, there's obviously a lot of stuff in here for you. You'll have that [ __ ] reference bot going off in your head every 5 seconds. And on some level, I guess that's neat. But the problem with the way it's executed with this lightning fast speedrun through both narratives is that it ends up being more of like a theme park ride than an actual real movie. You're on a cart for an hour and a half just being taken around to all these familiar iconic locations like the mansion and the police station. And you know, to the movie's credit, they do a pretty halfdecent job in recreating these loces that you know and love and even the way they shoot them to evoke how you see them in the games. That's neat. Like some of the mansion scenes have that fixed camera angle and the police station still has this very open kind of gothic design in its main lobby.

[00:29:26]A lot of it is there, but you know, I could dump a bucket of Legos on the ground and recreate a lot of this [ __ ] too. But that doesn't mean that what I'll make has any depth or that it's like anywhere close to what Resident Evil is. Like having a bunch of people just run around interiors is not what Resident Evil is. I mean, it's it's kind of that, but it's also a whole lot more than that. It's more than just these familiar shots and looks and feelings.

[00:29:54]It's about the actual core of it. I mean, take the old movies for example.

[00:29:58]To say they are faithful to the games in any real way from a character or story perspective would be a total abject lie.

[00:30:07]They have no interest in anything like that. But there are a ton of moments throughout those films that feel like Resident Evil. these super over-the-top cinematic action setpiece moments with monsters and high stakes and ticking clocks. It might not get the exact stories right, but it does capture the spirit of it, and that is arguably more important than just doing a onetoone recreation of this thing, but with none of the soul. They also have an interest in actual horror elements, less so in the later ones, for sure. Unless you think people in old age makeup is scary, wouldn't blame you. But there are moments where the movies are, you know, trying to scare you or at least just be creepy or dreadful, which is one of the things that really stood out to me with this one. Like, when it comes to horror films, I am a giant baby, okay? It does not take much to get under my skin or at least get a real scare out of me. And that is despite the fact that I watch a ton of horror films. Exposure therapy really hasn't changed anything aside from making me, I guess, mostly immune to your basic jump scares. But the point is that you can get to me. It's It's pretty easy. In fact, one of the reasons why I watch horror films is to chase that feeling. That's part of the fun and the immersion. I'm kind of asking for it here. Like, I watched The Black Coat's Daughter last year. Highly recommend, by the way. And you better believe I was jumping at Shadows for like the next day or two afterwards. And when it comes to Resident Evil, I'm not expecting to be like traumatized or anything. It's never been that scary. The games certainly have their moments, especially in like a first playthrough of seven or that one part in Village. [ __ ] that place for real, by the way. But this movie is so lacking in horror or anything like remotely scary or creepy that it's kind of shocking and really noticeable because it isn't like they don't try.

[00:31:54]And I know this kind of feeling is mega subjective, but to me, it's just not scary in a way that's so not scary that it makes it so boring because you don't respect any threat in it whatsoever. And for a horror movie, you just flatly cannot do that. It's so mindless and so bland and just so blleh.

[00:32:20]Like zombies in general have infected basically every wing of pop culture at this point, and we've all been overexposed to them in ways that takes away their ability to actually be scary.

[00:32:30]But even by those really low zombie standards, these ones are just so non-threatening. I don't know. It's just the way it's like shot, I guess. Like, you never get this claustrophobic feeling that you feel in the games. It works so well in those because the corridors you have to work with are tight and your ammo is limited. Not to mention things like your movement being all kinds of [ __ ] up on purpose that it forces you to respect them and that makes them a real threat. And it's the same thing in a good zombie movie as well. It's not so much that the zombie is like this super intimidating threatening thing by itself, but the fact that our characters are very limited in their ability to fight them or they're trapped somewhere surrounding by like a thousand of them. You know, it's the horde. And you know what? Maybe that's the real issue here. Like, there's no [ __ ] people in this town.

[00:33:17]I know it's nighttime during this movie, but literally the only people you see in this film, zombie or otherwise, are named main characters, one lady at a diner, a truck driver, and a mom and her son in a house, and like I'd say 16, 17, maybe 20 zombies, and that's it. This town is [ __ ] empty. Even the horde you see gathering outside the police station really isn't that many people.

[00:33:44]And the only shot you get of them is this super tight closeup that gives you absolutely no scale of what they're dealing with. Like you need a big wide shot of the station with this massive crowd surrounding it. You know, like how they did in Resident Evil Afterlife with the uh prison in Los Angeles. And if I'm using that [ __ ] movie as a comparison for what you should do to make your movie better, we are in a dark, dark place here, folks.

[00:34:10]>> I ingest you, I gain control.

[00:34:15]>> What? Like, you could conceivably clear this town's zombie issue that night. And same goes for the mansion. There's just not a lot of real danger here. And if there is, you certainly don't feel it.

[00:34:26]>> Shut the [ __ ] up.

[00:34:28]Like in this universe, the US government choosing to nuke Raccoon City is just some serious [ __ ] overkill. We could have solved this so much easier. It's just conceptually deeply flawed. Like the budget of this, according to the information we have, was $25 million, which for a movie like this is not a lot. In fact, that is very low. Not so low that you can't make a good movie, of course, but low enough that your ambitions should have been much lower.

[00:34:56]Okay? Like there is no way on a budget like that you can have a zombie apocalypse in a town with a massive setpiece like the police station and also have a whole gigantic haunted mansion at the same time. Which is why I imagine it lacks serious zombie or monster presence or why locations feel totally unexplored and limited to a couple of rooms each. Why is this scene happening in the lobby? Well, because it has to. They literally can't afford to do it otherwise. It's also why, frankly, they can't afford very strong talent. No disrespect to the cast here. In fact, I think they all try pretty hard. I don't see anyone phoning it in. I wouldn't even say anyone is that bad. But, you know, they're all just kind of okay at best. Not a ton of chemistry or personality on display here.

[00:35:45]>> What's Vicers doing here? Thought we lost a chopper with the rest of the budget cuts. Maybe he just missed us.

[00:35:51]>> [ __ ] you. Is that right?

[00:35:54]>> Granted, with how clunky and weird this script is, it is hard to come off like a real person. I mean, I'd love to see you guys try and say this [ __ ] without looking just absolutely stupid.

[00:36:03]>> Leon S. Kennedy. What's the S stand for?

[00:36:06]Stupid.

[00:36:07]>> Also, I was looking at the cast of this at one point, and I saw someone credited as Ayah Wong, and I was like, what?

[00:36:13]She's not in the movie. And I spent like an hour just combing through the film again to see if I missed her, if I like dozed off or something. And I still couldn't find anything. So then I searched if like other people had seen her in this. And apparently there's an entire postredit scene with her and Wesker where he's alive. Spoiler. And uh she shows up to talk to him about like the Avengers Initiative or whatever.

[00:36:37]>> You never told me your name.

[00:36:41]>> Aydah.

[00:36:43]My name is Ayda Wong.

[00:36:45]>> Mind you, this scene comes up pretty fast after the credits roll, but I was just so ready to be done watching this that I turned it off almost immediately.

[00:36:53]And I'm telling you this exciting story because this was the most fun I had with this movie. And yeah, you know what?

[00:37:00]That's a problem, folks. You see, to me, art and entertainment doesn't exist on this line of good to bad with the amount of fun I get out of it going up with the relative quality of the product. You see, it's not a line. And it's more like a horseshoe where the really good stuff is great to watch and experience because it's really good and the really bad stuff on the other end is really fun to watch because of how funny and bad it is. But the worst stuff, the real worst stuff is mostly comprised of the mediocre boring [ __ ] at the bottom middle of the horseshoe. things that have nothing to say and nothing even somewhat interesting going on, but aren't quite bad enough to creep into that fun ironic zone where even though it's barely longer than an hour and a half, you're just waiting every [ __ ] minute for this thing to end. Just no personality, no stamp, no evidence that a person with a vision or a soul made this. All this has is some cute title cards showing you what time it is throughout the night, which is, you know, a nice touch, admittedly, and some very inappropriate use of classic pop music. But aside from that, man, it's got nothing for you. In fact, this movie forces me to give out perhaps the lowest honor a movie like this can achieve, and that is, oof, hate to say it, it feels like a fan film. Harsh words, yes, but some real ones.

[00:38:23]>> Hey, >> you snooze, you lose.

[00:38:25]>> What? still savage. Now, >> it's just bad, guys. It's a bad [ __ ] movie. Do not recommend it. Don't watch this, folks. We can do a lot better. And uh you know, maybe towards the end of this year, we'll get that with Zack Kger's movie. Fingers crossed. Got a lot of hope for that one. But no matter how that turns out, I'm pretty sure that this one is going to keep that crown as the worst Resident Evil film for a good while. I mean, how do you top something like this, man? Not going to happen. I'm telling you. Well, as I think most of you know, Oswalt Spencer was the creator of the Umbrella Corporation, and the mansion was his home until the year of his death in What the [ __ ] are you doing here, Leon?

[00:39:15]How was that?