Dr. Umar REACTION: We Read the Comments & Respond to the Biggest Debates

[00:00:00]In the moment, I wasn't thinking about the relationship part of the question.

[00:00:06]Yeah.

[00:00:06]>> I was just thinking about him saying he was like, "If a woman open her legs for a man, she's a whore." That's what I heard.

[00:00:12]>> Yeah.

[00:00:13]>> But he's talking about in the context of a relationship and her doing that with another man. In the moment, I wasn't thinking about the the cheating, whether it's a single woman or a married woman or whatever.

[00:00:23]>> He's thinking about a single woman. And I'm like, a single woman >> having sex is a [ __ ] >> Yeah. that that's where my mind was.

[00:00:30]That's why I was like a healed woman or an unhealed woman cuz I was thinking single, but he was talking about in relationship. So once you said either one, I'm like, "Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm following where y'all at."

[00:00:41]>> Cuz you know, single or married, men are going to say, >> "Oh, she's still a whore."

[00:00:45]>> Yeah.

[00:00:46]>> No matter if she's with a man, like she's committed to someone or she's single, she's still a [ __ ] >> Yep. Yep. They'll still say that.

[00:00:53]>> It's them, not me. I'mma keep myself out of that. And I I mean the extent to which y'all are going is impressively.

[00:01:04]>> Wow.

[00:01:05]>> Yeah.

[00:01:05]>> It it's something.

[00:01:09]>> What's up? What's up? This is the Chabat podcast where we get real raw. I think the conversation I'm your host T. And to the right and left of me we have Britney and Rashan. How y'all feeling?

[00:01:18]>> Good. How y'all doing?

[00:01:19]>> The peace sign is crazy at the same time.

[00:01:24]Um, but how y'all feeling though? Y'all feeling good?

[00:01:26]>> I feel good.

[00:01:27]>> Fresh off Dr. Umar episode.

[00:01:29]>> All right. It was so cool. So fun.

[00:01:31]>> I had so many different conceptions and then I got my own perception of him and I'm like, "Yes, that's it." Like, >> yes.

[00:01:38]>> I'm glad I got to know for myself.

[00:01:40]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:01:41]>> He is about women though, for sure. For sure. That's one thing that um I always got from him that he was about women.

[00:01:47]So, I can appreciate that.

[00:01:48]>> Not even just that though. It seems like he's for everyone.

[00:01:51]>> Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It wasn't just men versus women conversation. It's like he's really for >> the people.

[00:01:58]>> The people. Exactly. The people. Us.

[00:02:00]Yes. Exactly.

[00:02:01]>> Uh speaking of men versus women, I want to go in these comments and that's something that we we going to reflect on the show today. So, of course, but you know, I want to go on some of these comments. One of the comments that I read, the most hilarious comment, or maybe not the most hilarious, but the one that I seen that stood out to me said that >> uh monogamy only benefits women's ego.

[00:02:19]How y'all feel about that?

[00:02:23]I personally think that it is BS. It's my camera in front of me, right? This BS.

[00:02:28]>> BS. Because like a per in my opinion, somebody that says something like that, >> you letting me know that you going to hold around on me and you don't need to be with me. Just be honest from the front. Say this is what I'm going to do.

[00:02:43]>> Yeah.

[00:02:44]>> If you going to play games, like I don't know. I feel like people don't let you choose how to deal with them.

[00:02:48]>> That is my thing. So, I think that's a bunch of BS.

[00:02:51]>> Yes.

[00:02:52]>> Yeah.

[00:02:53]>> Oh my goodness. Women's egos.

[00:02:56]>> I got a ego cuz I don't want you to cheat on me.

[00:02:58]>> Because I want you to be loyal because I'm loyal.

[00:03:04]>> And even if it's not me in my relationship, just any woman, any man, >> if one person expects loyalty, the other person has a big ego to expect it.

[00:03:14]>> Yeah. M >> cuz if you do it like that and you don't put a gender on it, does the same statement still apply >> or is there a double standard? Because a lot of times there is a double standard% you're going to sit there >> cuz I don't think a man would say his ego is inflated because he wants his woman loyal. I don't think that that would be the case.

[00:03:32]>> No, that's that's the ridiculousness of the statement itself. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:03:36]>> You're so >> funny. And I also want to make it very very clear that if I've called you king in the comment section, it's backhanded and I did not mean that.

[00:03:47]>> You didn't mean it.

[00:03:48]>> You didn't mean it.

[00:03:50]>> No, but you it really helped you.

[00:03:53]>> I just feel like that's the best way for me to calm you down to hear anything apart from the foolishness that you're writing.

[00:04:00]>> Yeah.

[00:04:01]>> So, there you go.

[00:04:02]>> You know what's crazy though? It really uh those comments that is those are actual people that woke up and have those type of opinions. That's scary part.

[00:04:10]>> Is that not scary?

[00:04:11]>> And they're existing in the world in relationships. Women that think they're monogous and they have daughters.

[00:04:19]>> Yeah.

[00:04:20]>> Yeah.

[00:04:22]>> But but um and we'll get to some some more of the comments, but uh personally, what do y'all think as far as um the show itself? What has been the experience of the feedback from people so far?

[00:04:34]I've seen the feedback that I have seen kind of aligns with what I was talking to Dr. Umar about >> when we met him.

[00:04:45]>> Yeah.

[00:04:46]>> That a lot of the men who follow him have a certain way that they speak to women. Yeah.

[00:04:52]>> And a certain certain way that they see women, >> a certain way that they address women.

[00:04:57]all of this that doesn't fully align with who he presents himself to be.

[00:05:03]>> Yeah.

[00:05:03]>> In our community.

[00:05:04]>> Yeah.

[00:05:05]>> They support him and they want to identify with what he stands for, but in the same breath, they are some of the most disrespectful people that I've ever met in person or online.

[00:05:19]>> Yeah.

[00:05:20]>> Yeah.

[00:05:20]>> Yeah. And that's very very unfortunate because for the mission that he's trying to have, I'm sure this is not the breed of men that he believes are following him.

[00:05:30]>> Yeah.

[00:05:31]>> So >> I'm sure he knows though.

[00:05:35]>> But the he knows by now.

[00:05:37]>> It's been like it's been a mix of things, right? You see some really good comments and then you see some really bad. But that also goes back to the conversation where we talked about the negative and the positive of things. how the negative feeds more. So you see all these negative comments and you see people arguing and all the dis discord and the coil the quarrel >> like it it >> yeah the negativity >> and you don't actually have to be you don't have to be nasty to agree. You also don't have to be nasty to disagree.

[00:06:08]>> And I I think that's what has me so befuddled.

[00:06:12]>> Yeah.

[00:06:13]And and you know, me personally, not even pandering, sometimes when I look at it, I just treat it for what it is social media, right? But it is kind of like messed up that they um >> women get it so much because you y'all going to see as we keep doing this.

[00:06:27]>> I know so many comments come out is it's about to be >> we're about to get attacked.

[00:06:33]>> Like y'all you'll probably see three about me total.

[00:06:36]>> Yeah, I don't understand that. What's the problem, guys? Talk to us. And and it's hard for me to make the argument that um like how he said on the show, 90% of the people in the world or 90% of the people online seem to hate him, but when he's out in the world, 90% of the people love him.

[00:06:53]>> It's kind of like that same thing with women. Like people love women.

[00:06:56]>> Oh yeah.

[00:06:57]>> You know, like when you >> But if she don't move like you want her to move, >> that then it's a problem.

[00:07:03]>> Yeah. But >> if she lives like you live as a single man or whatever, she's a problem.

[00:07:09]>> But you're not. You're okay. Double standard.

[00:07:11]>> Double standard. Come on now. Oh [ __ ] I'm sorry. I almost did Rashan like this.

[00:07:16]>> But but the point that you were making just now about if they saw us out in the world or out in person, >> it wouldn't be the same.

[00:07:23]>> It would not be this.

[00:07:25]>> I guarantee you.

[00:07:28]>> Can I get your number? when I >> I've never ever actually like I've I've met men like this and I've learned that they were this way over time, >> but to be addressed like by a stranger and they like, "Hey, Queen."

[00:07:43]>> Yeah.

[00:07:44]>> What you think about polygamy?

[00:07:46]>> Yeah.

[00:07:47]>> I I I don't see this sort of thing like, you know what I'm saying? Just jumping at me like it's jumping in the comments.

[00:07:53]>> And it's crazy.

[00:07:54]>> But that's the thing, too. A lot of people will talk behind them cameras.

[00:07:58]They don't see you in person, so they going to say whatever the hell they feel.

[00:08:01]>> Uhhuh.

[00:08:01]>> But if they're right here in your face, you probably not going to get that same person. Be direct with me.

[00:08:06]>> Yes. And then to know that it's like I am very sweet and very kind. Like I am a girl's girl and I love the men that I know. I respect the men that I know.

[00:08:18]Like I move with a lot of intention in every circle that I >> put myself in.

[00:08:24]>> Yeah.

[00:08:25]So to see.

[00:08:27]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:08:29]>> Yeah.

[00:08:30]>> Bananas.

[00:08:31]>> Garbage.

[00:08:32]>> It is a lot.

[00:08:33]>> Yeah.

[00:08:33]>> She just dropped the phone.

[00:08:36]>> Garbage. It's a lot. But I'm I'm really like like you always tell me, taking it, you know, with a grain of salt, not letting stuff get to me, especially where I am now because I I know who I am. So I feel a lot more comfortable like looking through it and laughing.

[00:08:51]You know what I'm saying? Cuz I have had my moments, you know. I disappeared.

[00:08:56]>> I >> I did deactivate the whole page a year two, year three. I never cared for real >> and leave.

[00:09:03]>> Yeah. No, it's difficult though, especially when you continuously get attacked. That's why I try to empathize with being just for being Yeah. Yeah.

[00:09:10]Yeah.

[00:09:11]>> What's some What's some other comments that y'all seen that was crazy though? M um and and also like I said, it's going to get worse.

[00:09:23]>> It's going to get worse. It is.

[00:09:24]>> I don't mean to laugh. I'm not laughing at y'all, by the way.

[00:09:26]>> No, it's the situation at hand. That's That's what's funny. Just because it's so crazy.

[00:09:31]>> Yeah. Yeah. You can't help but to laugh though.

[00:09:33]>> You can't help I mean, you can't help but to laugh to keep from like really like internalizing and feeling like, "Oh, wow. This is really the state of where we are.

[00:09:40]>> This is where we are."

[00:09:42]>> Mhm. I seen a dude that uh one of the other comments that I seen, he said that uh females get mad that they can't or don't have the power. Oh, hold on. Have that power. Women know that's simply not their nature. Like >> I think I responded to that one.

[00:10:02]>> Yeah, you did. You did.

[00:10:04]>> Why would I want that as my nature?

[00:10:08]>> Yeah. In regards to monogamy, right? And polygamy, right? Is that what it was >> about it being in their nature to Yeah.

[00:10:14]Yeah. have more than one person and you want to be like that and have control of I mean some women aren't that way.

[00:10:21]>> According to the mother of my child you women can definitely have multiple men at one time. She said that too hurt my feelings.

[00:10:28]>> So >> it is I mean it's true. Yeah. But there also other people who >> would like to have their person like for real for real. Even if you've been through life, you done been married, you done been divorced, you've done all these things, you've been in long-term relationships and all that, you done tried to play the field, you done did all of it. You like like looking for solutions, right?

[00:10:50]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:10:52]>> Still, you want your person to come get you and hold you at night.

[00:10:55]>> Come hold me and help me.

[00:10:57]>> One dependable, reliable, >> solid person. Like, where is that person?

[00:11:04]>> Don't nobody want to always be out there in these streets. I mean, some of them do.

[00:11:07]>> Some of them do. And that's okay.

[00:11:09]>> That's okay.

[00:11:10]>> They do.

[00:11:10]>> Is that Is that not okay, though? That when y'all win, >> everybody is entitled to do what they want to do. But I personally, like at my age, not even just my age, but even before my age, like I said, I was married in my 20s.

[00:11:22]>> So, I prefer to have my person. And that for me is because I saw a broken home.

[00:11:29]My daddy left my mom when I was five, divorced. Mhm.

[00:11:32]>> So, I always made it a point or tried to make it a point to keep my person.

[00:11:38]>> Like, if I'm with you, I'm with you. I don't play like that.

[00:11:41]>> But if I'm not with nobody, then I'm going to date and do what I want to do.

[00:11:46]I mean, >> that's what it is.

[00:11:49]>> That's why I said like we got to normalize like a woman. Like, I don't want to say the word, but you know, like the the word that he said that women are, you know, we got baby hair, >> not a [ __ ] >> Like, we got to normalize that. No, you don't have to be a [ __ ] >> Can we not normalize that though?

[00:12:03]>> What? So So if if a woman has to be a [ __ ] does that mean that a man is a [ __ ] too?

[00:12:07]>> Yeah, but I'm just saying, can we normalize a woman moving in that way and being that way? Like it's okay.

[00:12:11]>> Exactly. No, men are not going to do that.

[00:12:14]>> It makes her less valued. We talked about that, too. We talked about the value of a woman. No.

[00:12:19]>> Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind a [ __ ] >> I think for real.

[00:12:24]>> I promise I have no judgment. I'm going to be honest with you. My my approach >> and honestly if a lot of men were being honest with themselves the same way they would admit the same thing.

[00:12:34]>> But my approach to that like for real for real when I meet you if we click like that like you going to be my person. I don't care who the heck came before me. I don't care who became who came before me. I care about who you are now. What you're bringing to my table right now at this point. That's what I care about.

[00:12:51]>> Same. Yep. Same. And then um another part of it too was that >> at the end of the day I did see what he was saying about the feminine energy versus a man a man unable to just ever be monogamous if he's in that top 5%.

[00:13:07]>> Not that he's just never monogamous. But he may have one person he's committed to, but the person that he's committed to may also have to share his energy or other women's energy might be in his stratosphere. That was the part that I was like, okay.

[00:13:25]>> Yeah, >> I I kind of see what you're saying. Even if he is not practicing polygamy, a man of that stature >> still relies on feminine energy even outside of his home >> to sustain himself.

[00:13:42]He said that in so many words, but once he broke it down that way, I'm like, >> it stings as a woman to know that >> there's a possibility that I could be in love with someone and I'm just never ever ever ever enough >> because he's just always going to need some sort of feminine energy from somewhere even if it's not.

[00:14:02]>> Do you think that women can be the same way though?

[00:14:03]>> Like ver reverse that like a alpha female cuz I mean like that strong woman. Do you think that that could be reversed? I think most of the stuff we was talking about go both ways.

[00:14:13]>> Go both ways. Yeah.

[00:14:15]>> Even if it's not spoken because like I don't know. I think men are under the radar more for some things and women are under the radar more for others. So >> yeah, >> it could go either way.

[00:14:24]>> I do feel like and I'm I'm sorry. I'm sorry to say it out loud. I'm sorry to say out loud. I'm starting to miss.

[00:14:31]>> Oh god. But I do feel like women, since we attach a little bit harder, we cling a little bit more, >> that once we fall in love and we choose our person and we decide to be loyal, it's less likely for us to need masculine energy >> outside of our man.

[00:14:51]>> Yeah, for sure.

[00:14:52]>> I do feel like it's less likely for us to need that.

[00:14:56]>> For sure. But for him to say the the the high and earning mans need that, I was like, dang, that's a lot.

[00:15:03]>> That's a lot to take in.

[00:15:05]>> Like you just you ain't >> I've had people say something to me about my facial expression. Like actually people I know whenever he said that like my facial expression my friend was like Britney >> somebody told me I look pissed. I said look look I'm a human emoji. If something make me feel some kind of way you're going to see it. My face I cut y'all face too.

[00:15:25]It's coming.

[00:15:25]>> I'm like, "Hold on, wait, wait. Click over. Click over." My computer was freezing. I'm like, "Let me click over real quick."

[00:15:32]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:15:34]>> Cuz I knew.

[00:15:35]>> Yeah.

[00:15:36]>> You see, man, I couldn't like >> cuz in my I got I got an editor's brain.

[00:15:46]So, in my mind, I'm thinking that's a clip.

[00:15:48]>> That's what when you see me, I'm like, "That's a clip."

[00:15:51]>> I legit thought you would zoom in on my face at one point while I was talking.

[00:15:55]One time you did this face, I was like, >> "Yeah, >> I really was just listening. I was listening really intently. That was my thing. But then I was also processing my own thoughts as I was listening to him and thinking about some of the nuance >> in what he was saying.

[00:16:12]>> Yeah.

[00:16:12]>> And I'm like, >> so is this every person? Is this every man? Every relationship? Do you feel like this across the border? You feel like it's just So that's really what was happening. You know what I'm saying? Y >> oh child the faces was facing they were >> I don't know if I I won't say I don't agree cuz at this point I don't know I always tell people don't ask me about a relationship I'm horrible at that >> like I've been proved that so many times I'm bad at that but I don't know if I fully buy into that like an alpha male you know needs that I feel like cuz somebody made a point in the comments they said Obama Obama is I would consider him somewhat of a alpha male but absolutely you know >> that's my birthday twin >> really I love that I love But yeah, he not cheating on Michelle.

[00:16:57]But I kind of feel like Michelle may be like a alpha woman too, though.

[00:17:01]>> She absolutely is.

[00:17:03]>> Yeah.

[00:17:03]>> She's a grown silly.

[00:17:08]>> So So maybe she maybe Michelle won't let him. Maybe he's not alpha. She is.

[00:17:13]>> And that's the thing.

[00:17:14]>> And she and he seems okay. He love it.

[00:17:16]He love it. They seem okay with each other.

[00:17:18]>> They seem very if anything is going on outside of that marriage, we don't know.

[00:17:21]We don't know. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:17:23]>> Now, the way some of this stuff go in this world, >> marriage, relationship or not, is coming out.

[00:17:29]>> Yeah.

[00:17:30]>> Cuz I've even had my moments. I ain't going to lie. If a [ __ ] don't got on my nerves, I'm going to say it. Excuse my language. But for real, if somebody didn't got on my nerves, I might blast you because you was wrong.

[00:17:39]>> And why you did that to me?

[00:17:40]>> And you and not even just that, like why you did that to me. Like for real, why did you do that to me? But why did you make it look this way when it wasn't nothing? M I done had my moments and then I had to take it down. Like I post something and I got to take it down because I knew better. Like you end up slapping yourself on the hand like Britney, you knew better than that.

[00:18:01]>> Absolutely.

[00:18:02]>> But in that moment because you so angry, >> you just let it out, air it all out.

[00:18:08]>> Yeah.

[00:18:09]>> So I never judge the people that go online and vent and rant about their life or their situation. I never judge either. My mom my mom has this thing cuz she's old school where it's like, you know, you need to keep some things private. Everything is not for the internet.

[00:18:23]>> But while I do agree with that, when I do see somebody crashing out >> and having their moment online, >> Yeah.

[00:18:31]>> I don't even say nothing. I be like, man, let it out. I feel it. I feel it.

[00:18:34]>> I know you probably don't see me fast.

[00:18:36]Don't play.

[00:18:37]>> I be like, man, I get it. People will take you there. Life will take you there. And when people act like you crazy.

[00:18:45]>> Mhm.

[00:18:45]>> Oh, baby. That's when I get even crazier.

[00:18:49]>> I'm going to show you crazy.

[00:18:50]>> Exactly. I'mma show you crazy. That's it right there. Go play with me.

[00:18:54]>> Play with somebody else. I'mma show you.

[00:18:57]>> I be I'll be like, "Sending love."

[00:19:00]>> Sending love.

[00:19:01]>> Just keep it keep it real simple.

[00:19:05]>> Person going to be like, "Yeah, I got you." Give you a whole paragraph.

[00:19:09]>> Yep. Yep. Yep.

[00:19:10]>> Like, dang. M >> so something to think about.

[00:19:13]>> We post Dr. Umar episode. How are y'all feeling now though? Like as far as like um what the direction is going in the show and everything. Is it intimidating?

[00:19:21]Is it a lot? Is it overwhelming outside of the comments and stuff? Just the whole idea of meeting him and all that.

[00:19:26]>> Initially for me, I'm going to say I was terrified about meeting him. I will say that. Y'all, you you saw me when I first got here. I was like, "Yeah, I don't know how I feel about this." But no, getting here getting calmed down, us talking like that that brought me down.

[00:19:40]That was good, too.

[00:19:41]>> And then I think just getting to meet him and see how >> he seems to mesh with anybody like I I just felt calm when he came into the room versus the nerves that energy that you had.

[00:19:52]>> Exactly. He'll meet you where you at.

[00:19:53]Yeah.

[00:19:54]>> But um I think it's been a good experience. Um I'm growing. I You saw that like that. I'm like, "Okay, my page is growing." But that that wasn't my intent. Yeah, it's going up. I'm like, "Okay, I've been trying to grow this page, but that's not that wasn't my intent." But it has been very cool to experience. Um, like I said, we have a a network at work where African-Americans come together and stuff like that. So, I dropped it in there so they could watch and I did. Um, >> so that you know, I mean, they can share and >> and everybody can. Um, I think it's been good for our people. I know when I initially dropped my photo with with him, it was a lot of congratulations. Oh my god, Britney. you know, like your people, >> our people were good.

[00:20:40]>> Yeah.

[00:20:41]>> It's like the other people, it's like, oh, >> cuz like my people are like, "Oh my god, I watch him. I can't wait to see the episode." And you got these other people like seeing the clips. And I think honestly, if you're looking at the clips and not actually going to watch the episode, you're going to have negative connotations until you go out there and read. Absolutely. And actually listen.

[00:20:59]>> And you just feeding into clickbait.

[00:21:02]>> Yeah. That's all I'm doing. cuz that's it.

[00:21:05]>> The funny moments, the moments that are going to hype you up and make you go in on us, >> that ain't even going to what you see.

[00:21:11]That's not what you're going to see whenever you see that >> when you actually watch it in full.

[00:21:15]>> Right.

[00:21:16]>> What's crazy is y'all not saying nothing for >> it just as long as you open your mouth.

[00:21:21]Like when you say unhill, WHAT? THAT'S NOTHING.

[00:21:24]Y'all not saying anything. But they still You can just open your mouth and they going to say something. You know, just because y'all pretty women, y'all open your mouth, they going to say something. And if I try to defend y'all, they going to say, "Oh, what what dude say? I'm pandering.

[00:21:38]>> I'm a simp.

[00:21:39]>> You're a VA."

[00:21:40]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:21:42]>> Yeah. Cuz what what the one guy say that one time when he was on you in the comments and I said something. He was like, "Oh, you just want to be with her." Something.

[00:21:48]>> It was something about me. So, it was it was on that that clip I told you about where I said, "I'm 40 and I want my person to come get me." I don't remember exactly what it was, >> but I know several men even on that video had something to say about, "Oh, you going to be a hoe and then now you want your person to come get you." You don't realize. I've been married. You don't realize. I've been in years long relationships looking at rings and a [ __ ] cheat on me. Like, you don't know my life. So, you can shut up.

[00:22:13]>> Like, for real, for real. That's why I respond to y'all the way that I do because you're being a butt.

[00:22:18]>> Yeah.

[00:22:19]>> Yeah.

[00:22:19]>> Yeah.

[00:22:20]>> He did. I had I think I threw some some tomatoes at him or something. He was like, "You just coming to her rescue."

[00:22:25]It's like, "You just >> Another funny thing that I saw was with the picture that I posted to my page.

[00:22:32]Somebody responded and was like, "Whoever posted this is goofy." And they >> did you see the AI comment?

[00:22:38]>> And they think that we know AI. I'm like, >> "Dang, I'm cute enough to look like AI."

[00:22:44]>> They think we we we pulling him into our pictures and stuff. I'm like, "Uh, >> we cute like that."

[00:22:50]>> Oh, okay. The very first the very first episode I ever done with him, they thought it was the full episode was AI.

[00:22:56]Nobody believed that I got him on the show.

[00:22:58]>> Wow. The full episode.

[00:22:59]>> Episode. Yep. It was a girl.

[00:23:01]>> And they still thought it was fake.

[00:23:02]>> He thought it was fake. She said, "I thought this was AI." I was like, "No, >> that's hilarious, actually."

[00:23:06]>> So, we just sitting here talking with So, you just put his face on somebody else's body.

[00:23:10]>> Exactly.

[00:23:11]>> But you was real and he was AI. Is that was >> That's what she was saying. I I was real, he was AI. And she was like, "Um, I thought you you couldn't get Umar on or whatever cuz you know, he's so famous or whatever or he's so popular anyway on the internet."

[00:23:22]>> I told her I I've been talking to him for years now, me and Umar. I just, you know, couldn't get it all together, but once I finally did, I got them on.

[00:23:30]>> Yeah. No, that's crazy though that they come out like that, man. I hate that.

[00:23:34]>> It's all good. We still love y'all. Come see us.

[00:23:37]>> I don't I don't I was going to say I still love them.

[00:23:39]>> I don't.

[00:23:40]>> No, you got to have love.

[00:23:41]>> I almost had them.

[00:23:42]>> You got to kill them with kindness and stuff. I don't love them, but I see them.

[00:23:49]>> Yeah, >> I see you.

[00:23:52]>> I love y'all.

[00:23:53]>> Yeah, but no, it's just uh I think uh for me, I knew the show would do what it would what it did first.

[00:24:01]>> You called it call it in advance.

[00:24:03]>> And I've been trying to um be uh conscious about in the comments when people ask about y'all. Somebody said, "You look like Lil Kim oldest daughter."

[00:24:11]By the way, that's a comment on YouTube.

[00:24:13]It's like she look like looking. I don't even know what looking oldest daughter look like right now.

[00:24:16]>> Hold up. Pause.

[00:24:19]>> Wait one second so I can figure out if I'm going to get off in your >> Oh god.

[00:24:25]>> But I've been trying to be conscious about um making sure I tell people like, "Oh, she's pretty old. She's the one in this one or whatever." Like follow them and I put y'all stuff in the description. So I'm hoping the pages grow because I mean y'all deserve to have an audience and >> I have been seeing my stuff go up for sure. So hopefully that that continue and we can y'all can you know get how she look.

[00:24:46]>> Okay. Do you look like a >> No, but she's a all the pictures are a kid.

[00:24:50]>> Yeah. Okay. As a kid like >> he said look I look childish. Okay.

[00:24:55]>> Oh no. I mean that's good though cuz that mean that we look you you look young.

[00:24:59]>> Yeah.

[00:25:00]>> That's fine. I'll take it.

[00:25:01]>> But but yeah. So I've been trying to be conscious about making sure I put y'all stuff in the comments cuz so many people asking about y'all and I hope the page keep growing. This ain't the last celebrity we going to have on either.

[00:25:11]world.

[00:25:13]>> But it it really was nice getting to see him in person and meet his character and >> in real life versus just watching the clips like >> what we've posted.

[00:25:25]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:25:27]I think where we are now uh when you look at these type of comments and you look at these people being so disrespectful y'all where we are now.

[00:25:34]>> So disrespectful. So disrespectful sweetie. I think where we are now, um, does it how how does it play on y'all mental when you get when you see somebody that's doing that type of stuff?

[00:25:45]>> I'm going be honest, this week I've been ignoring because I've seen it with my 40 plus thing and I'm not in the mood this week.

[00:25:52]>> So, with me working and stuff as hard as I have been, I know it's going to play on my mental if I do sit there and dive in. So, I'm just gonna not do that this week.

[00:26:00]>> Yeah, >> that's where I'm at.

[00:26:01]>> That's fair. That's fair.

[00:26:03]>> Yeah. Honestly, seeing all the rudeness and the disrespect and the name calling and the nastiness, >> it's given me less hope >> in black men.

[00:26:19]>> Ah, >> and it also honestly messes with respect if I'm being honest >> because I I feel like I've got a lot I I I do respect black men. I feel like their their plight is just as important as ours, especially like everything that we go through as single mothers, as black women, like it's so many levels to the disrespect that we already experience in the world. And I also understand that there are several levels of experience of disrespect that they also experience that we have no clue what that feels like. So, I feel like as a community, we're supposed to like lean into one another, embrace each other >> and embrace each other and >> like play off of our similarities and our strengths rather than breaking each other down. Even if we don't agree on every single thing in life, every single religion, every single uh type of relationship, like we don't have to see eye to eye on all those things. You just have to >> find your community, find your people.

[00:27:21]>> Yeah. and you know move smooth from there. Yeah.

[00:27:25]>> But seeing all this nastiness has really been eyeopening on top of the femic femicide that's already happening >> and so many women losing their lives, so many children losing their lives >> and sometimes at the hands of men that they thought that they could trust.

[00:27:42]Facts. Facts.

[00:27:43]>> So, it's it's just telling as to how close to home that violence and that nastiness actually is.

[00:27:53]>> And I don't like that.

[00:27:54]>> Yeah.

[00:27:54]>> Yeah. I literally just made a post on my page even before our show.

[00:27:58]>> The men versus women battle is really kicking our butts. Like, it really is.

[00:28:03]>> I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of Heck, I want my like not even just saying my person, but like I just wish like you said as a community, men, women, whatever, all of us come together and actually love each other like we're supposed to.

[00:28:16]>> Yeah.

[00:28:16]>> Like that would be so beautiful.

[00:28:18]>> Yeah. Yeah. And just so I I battle with this stuff cuz I I can say I'm a quote unquote good man, but some people may say different, right? But I I I battle with it because I look at it and I'm just like I know how they treat y'all. I know what's going on with y'all. I know what's going on with us. It's like it's a losing battle. And I almost done kind of gave up almost like it's like if I hear a man doing that, I try to push it out. If I see a woman doing that, I try to push it out. I just gave up at this point because it's like, >> right, like what do you do other than just let it go? Just let them have it.

[00:28:50]Danged if you do, danged if you don't.

[00:28:52]>> Yeah. It's like you can't fight it because if I'm if I'm in a relationship with a woman, even my last relationship, it's like I'm fighting the internet. I'm fighting these 7 800 men that done said something to you that done created this narrative in your mind.

[00:29:05]>> Uhhuh.

[00:29:06]>> I can't beat it. You know what I mean?

[00:29:08]>> Like one one thing, y'all both have kids, right? So, >> um, she has it in her head and I think I mentioned one of the women that I know on the show about a woman having a kid.

[00:29:18]She has in her head that if if I have a kid by a man, >> no man is going uh to want me or that brings my value down. That's not true.

[00:29:27]>> I know. Cuz you can post a selfie.

[00:29:30]Either one of y'all post a selfie right now. 700 DMs.

[00:29:33]>> Like, you know what I mean? It's like they're still going to want you with this.

[00:29:36]>> But not even just that. Like in real life, going out in real life cuz I get out because I be I go out with my friend because I feel like I need some air, right? And like even then like people are always trying to talk to you. But it's also like how do I weed out who is just looking at me in a sexual way versus somebody who really wants to get to know me? How do you kne How do you know?

[00:29:55]>> Yeah. Yeah, it's hard to Yeah. Yeah.

[00:29:57]>> And sometimes you don't know until it's too late.

[00:30:00]>> Yeah. Yeah. It just sucks to see people like social media painting these narratives and like getting we incentivize for the negativity. And I'm Hey, listen. I I see it just the way it is. And I'm just like, all right, if it's going to put some money in our pockets and make our and push our engagement, I'mma do it, >> you know? And maybe I'm just guilty.

[00:30:21]Maybe I'm maybe I'm the crack dealer who uh sold crack to his neighborhood and said like, you know, whatever. I battle with this stuff, you know, but it's just like it's so much. And it's like, all right, it's going to get done.

[00:30:32]>> Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. Y'all correct me. Y'all, >> even with the whole the good man label, like whether or not you can really say that I am a good man or not.

[00:30:43]>> I think about that too, like in the the friends that I have and the people that I've met and the people that I've dated and all of that. It's like how many of them would I say are good men?

[00:30:54]>> I would say a good handful of them are.

[00:30:57]But then also how do you categorize what a good man has? What kind of character they have? How do they behave? What >> was your teaching that tells you what that is?

[00:31:08]>> Yeah. What does a good man actually do and sound like?

[00:31:12]>> Yeah.

[00:31:13]>> So, >> what were you shown?

[00:31:15]>> Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Are you a good man just because you don't hit women? Or are you a good man because you take care of all of the women that you know, not necessarily financially, but you make yourself available to be a resource to them.

[00:31:31]>> Yeah.

[00:31:31]>> And be a safe space for them, for every woman that you know, not just the ones that you punching.

[00:31:37]>> Right. Yeah.

[00:31:38]>> So, >> Yeah. No. No. This is it's one of those things. It's difficult.

[00:31:44]>> It's one of them things.

[00:31:44]>> Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I I think about it like how many good man men do I actually know? You know, I just had a lady. So my uncle right now is um >> he's um I don't know if y'all hear this down here, but it was some banks that got robbed in Murphy'sboro.

[00:31:58]>> I did not hear that.

[00:31:59]>> I didn't hear about that.

[00:32:00]>> And my uncle was the one accused of it, right?

[00:32:02]>> Oh, okay.

[00:32:03]>> It's funny cuz um um he was how he ended up getting caught. He was at a Dollar General. He was on a run or whatever trying to like run from the police in real time and somebody's doorbell ring doorbell caught him, right?

[00:32:15]>> Oh no.

[00:32:16]>> And it was a girl I was dating at the time. She was like Murphy'sboro getting crazy. I seen a guy running on the doorbell.

[00:32:23]>> Yeah. I was like, "That's my uncle."

[00:32:24]Like my close uncle. Like he was just over here a few weeks before he did that [ __ ] Goodness.

[00:32:29]>> But I say all that to say that a social worker called me today and >> she wanted me to basically vouch for him because he's been addicted to drugs my whole life. drug has played a big part in all the criminal stuff he's done.

[00:32:40]Mind you, he's 60some, by the way. So, he's an older guy.

[00:32:43]>> Okay.

[00:32:43]>> But she was talking to me about like, "Tell me about your uncle. Tell me about all these things." And that stuff kind of really brought up like some of the issues with my family growing up and like the men that I had. I consider them good men, but when I say things or characteristics that they had out of my mouth, like these [ __ ] weren't that good.

[00:32:59]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:33:01]>> You know, but I love them and I feel like they taught me valuable lessons.

[00:33:04]But >> but that's honest to say though, right?

[00:33:07]That's an honest thing to say.

[00:33:08]>> Yeah. So hopefully and we was doing that so he can get rehab and I'll speak on his behalf in front of the judge or whatever so we can get him like more like a long-term rehab as opposed to being in prison for the rest of his life.

[00:33:19]>> So we kind of fighting for that right now, but it's like it's so much of that like you >> I don't know just understand I think we talked about this before Rashan on a different episode understanding people's suffrage. Yeah, >> I've done a great job about trying to do that.

[00:33:31]>> And it's like that's why when a guy says something like, "Who hurt you? What did she do to you?" Like, you know? So, >> never know people stories and what causes what triggered them to be where they are right now.

[00:33:42]>> And like honestly, it's like a constant fight. Like even you as a person, you could go down tomorrow >> if you if you don't keep your mind, >> right?

[00:33:50]>> If you don't keep your mind, ain't no telling where you will go.

[00:33:52]>> Yeah. If y'all ever catch me in the comments disrespecting women, just um >> call me out on that cuz that's crazy.

[00:33:59]>> I will.

[00:34:01]>> As much as you be going hard for us, don't be like, "Oh, sir, what's wrong with you?

[00:34:06]>> Might have to knock you on the back of the head."

[00:34:08]>> Yeah. No, for sure do that because I know better. You know, >> um >> taking care of my mom kind of got me more in touch with the with the feminine energy. It's like, uhuh, you can't play with women out here like that. That's why it's like I battle. It's like >> I create these clips. I know what's about to happen. It's like ah it's like before I hear post it's like damn they about to get they about to get Britney >> about to get >> man they about to get >> on my head on my head.

[00:34:32]>> But you know I do know I never even I told y'all this was Umar if like y'all feel uncomfortable at any moment let me know like >> I never let nobody disrespect y'all or whatever you know for sure in person for sure. It's just hard to fight the internet sometimes too.

[00:34:46]>> Yeah. Fight the internet we going to lose almost every time. I'm just going to stop. I'm either going to block you or I'm just going to not respond cuz you ain't going to piss me off today.

[00:34:56]>> Sometimes I don't feel like it.

[00:34:57]>> Yeah.

[00:34:58]>> Yeah. Y'all don't even >> choose whether or not to participate. We all can choose.

[00:35:01]>> Yeah. It's a choice.

[00:35:02]>> Sometimes I choose violent.

[00:35:05]>> You got to like >> sometimes I do.

[00:35:07]>> Like shoot the club.

[00:35:08]>> A lot of times these days I'm like I'm old and I'm tired. I I'm old and I'm tired. Let me >> He old though.

[00:35:16]Older than both of y'all >> barely.

[00:35:19]Right. Wait a minute. What? 35.

[00:35:22]>> 33.

[00:35:23]>> I'll be 34 this year.

[00:35:25]>> 40.

[00:35:26]>> In two weeks.

[00:35:27]>> I will be 34 in.

[00:35:29]>> Two weeks.

[00:35:30]>> 40. Two weeks.

[00:35:32]>> Yeah.

[00:35:33]>> Yeah.

[00:35:34]>> Still not old.

[00:35:35]>> Yeah. I got brothers that's old enough to be a dad though.

[00:35:38]>> For real?

[00:35:39]>> Yeah.

[00:35:39]>> Got brothers old enough to be a dad.

[00:35:41]>> What's old?

[00:35:42]>> My brother is uh he about to be is uh 50. My oldest brother is 56, I think.

[00:35:49]>> Dang.

[00:35:50]>> Yep. Yep. He got a kid that's almost your age. My nephew.

[00:35:54]>> Wow.

[00:35:55]>> Yeah. So, and yeah. No, all my brothers old. They old for real.

[00:36:00]>> I forgot you was baby baby like way later.

[00:36:02]>> Yeah.

[00:36:04]>> But yeah though, man. All I can say is um I don't know. Y'all know y'all value.

[00:36:08]Yeah. Y already >> y'all can have any of them me y me and y'all want in the comments. you know, but I know y'all don't want them, but I'm just saying like y'all can have them at, you know, you know what I mean?

[00:36:25]>> But yeah, no. Um, I appreciate y'all, man. Of of course, like always, I just want to take the time to reflect on the show and everything.

[00:36:31]>> Absolutely. Cuz it was it's worth reflecting on.

[00:36:35]>> Absolutely.

[00:36:35]>> It's an experience.

[00:36:36]>> I'm sure we got a lot more to come.

[00:36:38]>> It's going to be so much more.

[00:36:39]>> This is going to be exciting.

[00:36:40]>> Just don't play too much.

[00:36:42]>> Just live shows. respectful guys.

[00:36:45]>> Gosh, >> guys.

[00:36:47]>> We like love and light. Dang.

[00:36:48]>> Dang. Taking it all away by then.

[00:36:53]>> We got a lot though. We got live shows.

[00:36:55]We got all type of stuff, you know. So, a lot more to come.

[00:36:57]>> The live shows are fun.

[00:36:59]>> Yep. Yep. You had done one last year. We had one. It was It was a while ago. I'm scared.

[00:37:05]>> No, it's fun.

[00:37:06]>> I'm going to cry. No, I'm just kidding.

[00:37:08]>> I'll be ready.

[00:37:09]>> You're going to cry happy tears. Let's go.

[00:37:11]>> You're be crying laughing. Thank you. I like that.

[00:37:16]>> I like to laugh.

[00:37:17]>> Yeah, man. Yeah, man. But again, um I appreciate y'all. I appreciate y'all.

[00:37:21]Listen, this is the Chabati podcast where we get real raw authentic conversations. Until next time, >> YOU CAN HEAR THE HURT IN ME.

[00:37:34]Tell me your story.

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