How to Execute Unpopular Decisions (Without Falling into the Empathy Tax Trap

[00:00:04]I have been a prisoner.

[00:00:07]I have been in the shackles.

[00:00:09]I've been a hostage because I used to be a nice boss.

[00:00:21]Most of the leaders, including me, till a point I've realized we all have been that nice boss.

[00:00:32]We are trying to please the people, please the reportees.

[00:00:37]What if that I'll tell him this way, they'll start disrespecting me?

[00:00:43]What if I'll start becoming disliked?

[00:00:47]Because of this, you're getting into a trouble of death of consensus.

[00:01:00]Death of consensus is real.

[00:01:05]We are all running behind the same motto of people pleasing.

[00:01:13]You're not gaining the respect.

[00:01:17]In turn, you're becoming a victim of empathy tax.

[00:01:26]You're not realizing this.

[00:01:28]I have also been one that person where given my hand or head to this empathy tax.

[00:01:38]We are always having a trouble of understanding what is leadership.

[00:01:46]Leadership is not about what others are feeling about you.

[00:01:50]It is the decision you've made under uncertainty.

[00:01:55]Because of this nice image, this nice guy image, you are invariably you are derailing the execution velocity.

[00:02:13]You are actually one of the very main reason for the execution velocity going down.

[00:02:26]I'll give you one example.

[00:02:29]I had a friend of mine who is in Navy.

[00:02:34]He had around He He's at the scale of a lieutenant.

[00:02:40]There were around 20-odd people who used to report to him.

[00:02:46]There was a commander who called my friend and gave an assignment.

[00:02:52]Order.

[00:02:54]This needs to get completed.

[00:02:59]What happened?

[00:03:00]Post that, he took the challenge. He took the order, mainly an order.

[00:03:05]He went and spoke with all his reportees.

[00:03:08]They were ready by 2:00 p.m.

[00:03:12]Post that, they've gone to the place, completed the activity. I asked him, "How How they're ready by 2:00 p.m.?"

[00:03:21]He told one thing.

[00:03:23]"I am not willing to go in a route called nice boss.

[00:03:29]I'm not waiting for consensus where everybody will agree whatever I have told. Till that time I'll be waiting.

[00:03:39]It is not like that.

[00:03:43]Disagreement and commitment are the two things which I look into.

[00:03:48]If you're disagreeing, okay, but be committed.

[00:03:54]Leadership works invariably the way how you start dictating.

[00:04:03]Otherwise, commanding will not be pivotal.

[00:04:11]Every time whenever a leader jumps in, he's becoming a sponge.

[00:04:24]He's absorbing everything.

[00:04:26]Complaints, chaos, issues, etc. etc. etc. A leader absorbing this much of chaos will automatically start creating lots and lots of empathy tax.

[00:04:50]Empathy tax, you're handing it out like currency.

[00:05:02]It is just like It is just like this marker.

[00:05:09]It is getting depleted.

[00:05:11]If you're handing handing it out empathy tax like a currency for high stake meetings post 2:00 p.m., you'll not have energy to spend.

[00:05:28]Means for high stake meetings, you are not ready to handle that.

[00:05:35]It is such such scarcity.

[00:05:41]Every time whenever you are going through that, you are leaving your team under dark.

[00:05:50]Because there's no clarity.

[00:05:52]Clarity is not coming.

[00:05:55]As I've multiple times advocated, Harvard Business Review, Jim Collins idea of leadership, Simon Sinek's idea of leadership, Maxwell's leaders of idea of leadership, Robert Sorry, Patrick Lencioni's idea of leadership.

[00:06:16]A safety net can't be provided across the timeline.

[00:06:22]It can't be done like that.

[00:06:25]The harsh truth is that empathy is slowly, slowly, slowly making you to become numb.

[00:06:35]The team is paralyzed with the very notion of safety net.

[00:06:39]The dependency is such such a troublesome activity.

[00:06:48]If you are not thinking about how I can start delivering as the day proceeds, right?

[00:06:58]Efficiency is the key.

[00:07:00]Efficiency is effectiveness. That's what the man in the father of management told.

[00:07:06]Peter Drucker has said the same thing.

[00:07:10]What he meant that there are four five factors which matters the most.

[00:07:14]Decision integrity, structural integrity, architecture, logic.

[00:07:21]The circle of logic works out.

[00:07:25]If somebody is not listening, somebody is not >> [snorts] >> there in the line, completely shatters the whole team.

[00:07:39]Every leader, most of the coaching, leadership coaching, communication coaching, most of the leadership coaching they train you on to speak more.

[00:07:51]You speak more. You go and tell be a servant. No, no, no, no.

[00:07:55]It is not a right learning.

[00:08:01]You're getting diverted.

[00:08:04]Why?

[00:08:06]Because leadership is mainly about the architecture of decisions you've taken while they were watching you.

[00:08:14]It is not that the other way around.

[00:08:17]You're just simply wasting or like investing 80% of your energy on irrelevant things.

[00:08:24]20% you're investing in execution.

[00:08:28]Managers, doctors, directors, joint directors, executioners, leadership team, CEOs, everybody.

[00:08:36]You may be any one of this.

[00:08:38]You need to be also be managed.

[00:08:43]I have seen multiple people being multiple leaders being micro-managers.

[00:08:50]Every decision needs to get routed to them.

[00:08:53]No.

[00:08:54]You're creating such a dependency that team is literally disrespecting you behind your back.

[00:09:03]Respect can't be commanded like that.

[00:09:10]Respect can be earned by the decisions you've taken.

[00:09:17]Every time whenever you're going to the same route as nice boss you are losing the respect.

[00:09:28]Once you start losing the respect, you'll start losing the trust of the team.

[00:09:35]Eventually you'll start losing the decision-making capacity.

[00:09:40]If these three things are happening, automatically you will lose you will lose your high-performing employees.

[00:09:49]Because always high-performing employees will start seeing how you are approaching towards an issue. If you're more of a nice boss person, you are literally killing the team.

[00:10:02]You are literally killing the culture.

[00:10:06]If you want to gain, if you want to start making a difference, work on the culture.

[00:10:13]Culture builds the team. Culture builds the company. You can be working at any scale.

[00:10:19]A manager, teacher, doctor, anything.

[00:10:22]Your culture, the kind of reciprocation you have towards the thing, that's make a difference.

[00:10:31]I'll tell you one more story of my friend who happens to be from Navy.

[00:10:36]There was an incident.

[00:10:38]It was such a shocking thing.

[00:10:42]His commander called him around at 9:00 night, 1:00, 2:00.

[00:10:48]He was on the ship only.

[00:10:51]As soon as he received the command, he was all like saluting and everything.

[00:10:56]He met the commander.

[00:10:58]The commander gave an order.

[00:11:01]The commander gave an order where he told, "You're supposed to get deputed at this place tomorrow."

[00:11:09]>> [snorts] >> That's it.

[00:11:11]It's just an order.

[00:11:13]Post that, he's As my friend being lieutenant, he also had couple of reportees. All of them are supposed to also go.

[00:11:22]They were also told to go.

[00:11:25]Post receiving this, he met with his reportees.

[00:11:29]They were ready.

[00:11:30]By 3:00 they were They left.

[00:11:34]I asked him the same thing.

[00:11:36]That how they were ready.

[00:11:39]It is I'm giving them a clarity.

[00:11:43]Many of the leaders, they think that whatever I'm speaking, it has clarity.

[00:11:49]Literally, it doesn't have clarity.

[00:11:51]>> [cough] >> Sorry.

[00:11:59]I'm nervous.

[00:12:06]>> [clears throat] >> It does happen.

[00:12:10]Like this this happens. How we get our um sore throat or like little itchy.

[00:12:17]If you are not working on a leadership, it's the same case.

[00:12:23]So, the kind of commanding how navy works, it's pure based on influence.

[00:12:33]By we are becoming that nice guy devoted image, most of the leaders, they always think that if I'm being nice with my team, I'll be able to drive the results. No.

[00:12:47]Let me be more more harsh to this.

[00:12:51]Efficiency is effectiveness.

[00:12:54]If you are able to drive the results, that is effectiveness.

[00:12:59]I'm not telling you to become rude, shrewd. [snorts] No, no, no.

[00:13:05]Be humble. A leader should always be humble.

[00:13:09]But don't be a victim of empathy tax.

[00:13:13]Your empathy should not start killing the culture of the team.

[00:13:18]I'll give you a scenario now.

[00:13:20]You tell me that how many of you guys have faced this issue.

[00:13:27]After 2:00 p.m., are you becoming drained out? Because the first half the first half you have started devoting, dedicating your energy. Have you started feel Have you started feeling this? I will say yes, because many a times I have also been that person where I have devoted or dedicated my time to people and I was drained out. I was drained out.

[00:13:58]But I have realized over a time, I have learned over a time that that is not the way to be.

[00:14:05]You can also put in the chat box if at all if you have also experienced the same thing.

[00:14:11]Because many of the leaders they're still facing the same thing.

[00:14:16]I have met couple of them many a times at the scale of general managers or like architects or like even senior scale managers. Leadership team. Even at the VP scale, CEO scale, this is happening.

[00:14:28]They're feeling that if I'm not able to cater to the requirement, the team will start disrespecting me or they might start disliking me. The paranoia of being in the state of disliking they might start despising me. That is also putting you under that stress.

[00:14:50]It is like one circle that we are in a a delusion that I might be having an issue with my team if I start being like this. No.

[00:15:03]If you take multiple leaders into Andy Grove Steve Jobs, Apple everybody they have driven the results through the way how they have started commanding. If a result needs to be commanded, it is through the method.

[00:15:22]Right?

[00:15:24]Now, [clears throat] start understanding what does what does it mean by empathy tax. How it is relating.

[00:15:32]Let us start break the anatomy of empathy tax.

[00:15:36]So, empathy tax.

[00:15:43]The very concept of empathy tax is that us devoting our feelings, emotions, choices, etc. things to other person.

[00:15:54]Be it in the first half, second half, anything. We are not able to prioritize how things are supposed to fall.

[00:16:03]Because of empathy tax, I'll tell you this.

[00:16:06]Output equals skill into direction minus empathy tax.

[00:16:17]This is what happening.

[00:16:20]Output equals your skill into your direction minus empathy tax.

[00:16:25]If your empathy tax is raising, the currency is raising, means automatically your output will go down.

[00:16:33]If your empathy is going down, your output output will start going up.

[00:16:39]It's a clear-cut learning.

[00:16:42]The more you start dispensing, distributing, right? The more the empathy tax, the more the more the loss of output.

[00:16:56]The lesser the empathy tax, the more the output.

[00:17:01]Okay? So, here what we are supposed to understand the second dissection of empathy tax is that empathy tax can be automatically avoided how you are prioritizing your day.

[00:17:17]How you are trying to corner your day.

[00:17:21]How you're trying to schedule your day.

[00:17:22]That that's it.

[00:17:24]How you can start dictating your day.

[00:17:27]So, every time whenever you want to work on empathy tasks, uh try working on how you can start deputing it.

[00:17:34]Okay. Now, you can understand the depth of consensus.

[00:17:41]The depth of consensus.

[00:17:48]So, the depth of consensus means I'm waiting for anybody or everybody's acceptance.

[00:17:59]The depth of consensus is the major problem why you're facing your facing this issue or your why your team is failing in this issue.

[00:18:11]Start realizing I had a plan.

[00:18:17]I have 10 to 15 or 20 members to convey the things. They're all my reportees.

[00:18:24]What if I'm waiting for all the 20 members to address to my issue.

[00:18:32]Or accept the whole issue.

[00:18:35]It's a generic thing, no? That's what we are thinking. That's what we've been taught.

[00:18:39]It is not a legible point.

[00:18:44]It is not like that.

[00:18:47]If you are more and more if you are more depending or getting dependent on consensus, I'll start asking everybody.

[00:18:57]You are a big big big fool.

[00:19:01]Why? Because that 20 members, 30 members, 300 If take an example if it is like a big company you have company having 1 lakh employees.

[00:19:12]You're having thousands of reporters directly and indirectly.

[00:19:16]So, thousand reporters, just imagine the quantum of work which is needed.

[00:19:23]It will bring a chaos.

[00:19:26]You'll become a chaotic leader.

[00:19:28]You will You will not be able to handle that.

[00:19:33]So, consensus will not work for every situation. It will not even work. As a leader, you're supposed to take a decision in under uncertainty.

[00:19:42]Don't wait for anybody.

[00:19:45]It will not work like that.

[00:19:48]Consensus also brings conflict.

[00:19:51]In India, more than 80% of the leaders, they don't know how to handle a conflict.

[00:19:56]A staggering figure is that more than 27% of the individuals or like working professional feel that only 27% of the working professionals will feel that the conflict is addressed.

[00:20:10]Not resolved, addressed. That is a big chunk.

[00:20:14]Conflict means it's an information friction.

[00:20:19]It is an information friction.

[00:20:23]The more the conflict, the more the information friction. If you're not addressing the conflict, it starts becoming a burden on somebody.

[00:20:33]They'll start disrespecting. The same thing will happen. Whatever we have discussed prior to this, the same thing will happen if the If the conflicts are not addressed, the high performing team performing employees will start disrespecting you.

[00:20:47]They'll leave. You know You will not be able to control anything.

[00:20:51]You'll not be able to control a threat also.

[00:20:54]I have been that one leader where I have gone through all the stages.

[00:21:00]Why even if you think from a perspective of army or navy, why the conflicts also arises, but it gets completely summit summit also.

[00:21:11]It happens like that because the commanding directions are like that.

[00:21:16]There is no room for empathy.

[00:21:19]Directions and commanding are two principles.

[00:21:27]Now, I would like to give you a situation.

[00:21:32]You tell me what you would do in this situation.

[00:21:35]Just tell me what you would do in this situation.

[00:21:38]There was a big company.

[00:21:41]This is one of the top companies in India.

[00:21:45]This top global joint thought of thought of coming up with one project in one of the major cities.

[00:21:58]One of the major metros also.

[00:22:02]So, a responsibility was given to one of the region heads.

[00:22:11]The project was supposed to go go live probably by Jan 26.

[00:22:17]It didn't happen.

[00:22:19]It didn't happen.

[00:22:20]Now, what you guys would do?

[00:22:25]The region head started getting calls from leadership. Now, tell me what you would do in this situation.

[00:22:39]Will you start taking meetings?

[00:22:41]Will you start prioritizing the meetings?

[00:22:46]Meetings are not the solution.

[00:22:51]Decks, slides are not the solution.

[00:22:55]Acting under uncertainty is the solution.

[00:23:00]Just blaming somebody is not the solution.

[00:23:04]Taking the ownership, that is solution.

[00:23:07]If you're taking the ownership, that is your real real leadership.

[00:23:12]I would like to give you a situation now. You tell me what you would do in this situation.

[00:23:18]This is one of the big e-commerce giants in India.

[00:23:22]In India.

[00:23:25]This big e-commerce giant happens to think that this is our pipeline of projects for the year 2026.

[00:23:38]There was a toxic leader.

[00:23:42]There was a toxic leader for one of the project set as one of the project heads.

[00:23:52]One of the toxic boss who happens to report to the main boss, >> [snorts] >> the main boss started receiving some complaints.

[00:24:03]Take an example, you are that main boss.

[00:24:07]You have you're having one reporter who is a toxic boss.

[00:24:11]What you would do in this situation?

[00:24:14]What you would do in this situation?

[00:24:16]There were multiple complaints against this toxic boss.

[00:24:21]How will you address this?

[00:24:27]Will you go back and say, "Okay, start reducing this."?

[00:24:32]Just tell me.

[00:24:35]Is that the way to go and approach?

[00:24:41]If you want to start attacking the toxic boss, you're supposed to confront him.

[00:24:47]Without confronting, the decision or the resolution can't be arrived.

[00:24:53]It can't be arrived.

[00:24:57]As a leader, what you stand for? As I told, decision integrity matters.

[00:25:03]Everybody are looking at you. The architecture of decisions what you have made while they were watching you.

[00:25:09]That is leadership.

[00:25:11]The kind of accountability what you have, that is what leadership stands for.

[00:25:15]Leadership is one streamline of line. It happened under my watch.

[00:25:20]That toxic boss has done something wrong means that happened under my under my watch.

[00:25:26]I'm letting it go.

[00:25:28]That is not the way to be.

[00:25:30]What to do right now?

[00:25:32]You have understood multiple case studies. You have understood multiple examples. I've also told my side of the story of leadership also.

[00:25:39]Now, as I'm being in such a leadership position, I multiple times people call me leadership architect.

[00:25:47]I humbly receive that.

[00:25:50]What I want to tell you here now, as a leader, your framework matters.

[00:25:56]As I tell to people, I have this framework.

[00:25:58]MOVE framework.

[00:26:02]Manage the uncertainty.

[00:26:05]Own the angles.

[00:26:08]Velocity.

[00:26:10]Means validate the boundaries.

[00:26:13]E stands for execution.

[00:26:15]Execution with velocity.

[00:26:18]So, manage the uncertainty. What is that uncertainty we are trying to solve here?

[00:26:26]Own the outcome or own the angles.

[00:26:29]What does it Where does it bring to?

[00:26:32]What is the probable outcome?

[00:26:36]Third thing, it's the main thing.

[00:26:39]Validate the boundaries. What are the boundaries I'm supposed to start jotting down?

[00:26:46]E, execute with velocity.

[00:26:48]So, if you start clinically dissect this, it starts becoming a backbone.

[00:26:55]We have understood about anatomy of empathy tags. We have understood about that of consensus. We have understood about the framework now.

[00:27:04]The fourth one is how to communicate.

[00:27:07]You have just been told or taught how to make over communication.

[00:27:14]You've been told to make over communication.

[00:27:19]It is not right.

[00:27:24]You're thinking that as a leader, as a manager, as a doctor, as a YouTube shop owner, or like even like a a director, or like a senior manager, VP, business owner, founder, startup owner, etc. You're thinking that if you are your team needs to get adjusted for like the strategy changes. Your team is not agreeing for strategy changes. There is a cutting of project.

[00:27:56]Right?

[00:27:57]Alignment issue, etc. No.

[00:28:01]You're waiting for that consensus. It doesn't work out.

[00:28:05]Now, it is about transition. The fourth stage is a transition. How to make an effective communication.

[00:28:13]As a leader, as I have told multiple times, DDI report, SHL report, CLS report, Wavelength report, Deloitte report, Gartner report.

[00:28:23]University of University of Salford report.

[00:28:26]Every report have told three major problems every leader go through.

[00:28:32]First, burnout, empathy tax.

[00:28:35]Second is the synergy.

[00:28:38]Third is the main, that is communication. Leaders are having communication issue.

[00:28:43]If you are supposed to work through the communication you're supposed to start seeing the architecture, the structure, and the process of communication.

[00:28:56]Then it starts becoming more of a approachable area.

[00:29:00]Because if you're not having a clarity, the team will be under dark.

[00:29:07]Team is as good as blind.

[00:29:10]They're going blind.

[00:29:12]You will not be able to correct them.

[00:29:16]One significant change what you can make is to the things which you're trying to make up.

[00:29:24]If clarity is there, team will have a better sense of understanding.

[00:29:30]Clarity brings such a pure vision.

[00:29:35]Many teams are getting broken up because of the same problem of clarity issue.

[00:29:44]If I'm telling this is a marker, you're supposed to feel the same thing as a marker.

[00:29:50]>> [snorts] >> Multiple team members, multiple team leaders, they again go back, go back, go back multiple times to just to address to one common issue.

[00:30:01]Because the clarity is missing.

[00:30:02]Repeatedly, if your team member or like reportees are coming and asking you over and over again with the same doubt, doubt means you've not given a clarity.

[00:30:12]There was no There was no clarity.

[00:30:18]If you don't bring the clarity, people are as good as stranded on a desert.

[00:30:26]A leader's job is to also direct, give directions, have clarity.

[00:30:33]You might work under uncertainty.

[00:30:37]Does It doesn't mean It doesn't construe that you're supposed to start losing clarity.

[00:30:50]As we have dissected four sections of how to overcome unpopular decisions, how to start taking unpopular decisions.

[00:31:02]First, anatomy of empathy tax. Start mastering how not to dispense your empathy tax like a currency. Second one as we have understood the depth of consensus.

[00:31:13]The third one as we have understood the framework how to mitigate it.

[00:31:19]Fourth one as we have understood it is a transition.

[00:31:22]How to communicate.

[00:31:25]As you have understood now start making a better call every time whenever you're trying to speak with anybody.

[00:31:32]As a leader, your decision matters. Your accountability of decision matters. Your ownership on the decision matters.

[00:31:39]Leadership is not about what others will feel about you. It is the architecture of decisions you have made while they were watching.

[00:31:47]As I've told that we have all been that hostages.

[00:31:51]We've all been that prisoners wearing that shackles.

[00:31:57]Right? Because we have not understood the real meaning of leadership.

[00:32:02]Simon Sinek's idea of leadership, John C. Maxwell's idea of leadership, of servant leadership, start with why, leaders eat last, it will not work out.

[00:32:12]It is not going to work out.

[00:32:14]Because the real you is different.

[00:32:21]The real scenario is different.

[00:32:24]Every time you make a decision, you're accountable. You own the risk. You own the decision.

[00:32:32]Leadership is nothing about decision made under uncertainty.

[00:32:38]Leadership is not a soft skill. It is not at all a soft skill. That is a misconception.

[00:32:44]It is a rare skill. It is just as good as a behavior.

[00:32:50]Leadership is a behavior. People are presuming wrongly.

[00:32:54]Every time whenever you are showing a behavior change means you're showing the leadership change.

[00:32:59]Your decision as a leader changes as you're also trying to understand leadership as a behavior. Leadership is not at all a soft skill. It is a behavior.

[00:33:10]The more you start dictating yourself like a behavior, it starts pronouncing like a good behavior.

[00:33:19]It is that good. It is that clarity.

[00:33:29]Try becoming a better leader as the day proceeds because the behavior will start showcasing how good of a leader you are.

[00:33:39]Lastly, one example which I want to give as a leader what I have learned over a point in time.

[00:33:46]Leadership always dictates how you start showcasing your decisions.

[00:33:54]Start making your decisions with a clarity and start showcasing your communi- communication with gravitas.

[00:34:02]Until next time.

[00:34:04]Thank you.