Why Autistic People Suddenly Withdraw From Everyone

Added: 2026-05-26

[00:00:00]Are you somebody that has been told that you're cold, you're robotic, you're standoffish, you're rude? I think one of the biggest misunderstandings about autism is that people believe that we genuinely don't care about people, and this is because of how they might perceive how we're coming across. For most of my life, I always felt like there was something wrong with me because I felt as though I needed more space alone than I did with other people. Like I genuinely used to wonder why people needed other people around, why they genuinely craved the attention from other people when I was just craving social isolation. And that's the thing, autistic withdrawal is a very, very common thing. And if you are autistic or if you are neurodivergent and you have clicked on this video, there is no doubt that you have experienced this feeling of just needing to nurture yourself alone. A lot of the times, there are neuro system reasons, there are emotional reasons, there are masking reasons, there are survival reasons behind the the brunt of it that is driving this behavior. And so, that's what I want to get into with you guys today. If you've ever wondered whether you're neurodivergent or just felt like you see the world a little differently, you're not alone. I was diagnosed autistic at 25 and suddenly so many things I never had words for started to make sense. Here, I share the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful parts of life through an autistic lens. My name is Elena Carrol, and if you're looking for answers, understanding, or just an autistic friend, you're in the right place.

[00:01:42]Today, I wanted to get a little bit dressed up. I'm trying to have fun and and express myself a little bit more in my my fashion today. If you guys are like, "Whoa, I'm not used to seeing all of this fur, fake fur, and all of this here. We're just playing dress-up today.

[00:02:00]Sometimes you you've just got to do that.

[00:02:02]If I go back to my childhood and my teenage years, the thing that I remember the most is feeling as though I just wanted to be alone. I think the biggest question that I always had was why do my friends want to hang out after we've seen each other all week at school? Why do they want to hang out on the weekend?

[00:02:22]Like I feel like I'm getting enough fulfillment from them at school in the lunch breaks. I don't really need to go and sleep over at their house, and I don't really need to go and hang out with them. Like I want I want that time for me. The weekend is for me. And as I grew older, you know, this is when I think teenagers love to be with each other and don't want to be at home.

[00:02:44]Their parents are embarrassing. That never changed for me.

[00:02:49]The hair is everywhere. I didn't want to be with my friends. I didn't want to be drinking. I didn't want to be doing anything that they were doing. And my mom asked me once, like why is it like why do you want to be at home right now?

[00:03:01]Why aren't you out there with your friends? So these are the best years. I remember having a defense response to this because I didn't know why. I felt as though I had to justify and prove myself, but I knew that I wanted to be alone. And I guess I want to get into that why why that was, why I was choosing that, and why you guys might be wanting that alone time more than actually being with your friends. So hidden exhaustion of social existence.

[00:03:31]When we talk about socializing, socializing is not the same for autistic people, and here's why. Socializing involves masking. Socializing involves eye contact, forcing facial expressions, decoding tone of voice, intentionally trying to maneuver body language. Then comes the scripting of conversations and the people-pleasing aspect trying to avoid rejection. And all of this with this sensory input surrounding the individual. So, I would say that a lot of autistic people are not participating within a conversation within a social interaction. They are manually processing it. So, when you are feeling this pressure to perform and the fear of being perceived and this hyper-vigilance and this lack of freedom to just be, I don't think that we can say it is the people that are exhausting us. I think what we can say more so is it's the the internal expectations that we feel in the presence of other people and that's the part that's exhausting for us. So, if we talk about why autistic people withdraw, there are a few reasons. The first most obvious one is people get into burnout and they can't actually be factoring in how other people are feeling and interpreting their burnout and so they need to be alone. This is sensory fatigue. They can't take any more sensory overwhelm. They are emotionally fatigued. There is masking fatigue where they just cannot mask anymore where they just have to shut everything out, shut out the world in order to bring that social battery back up. There's a loss of capacity. There's a loss of being able to respond in a way that is appropriate for for people, for the relationships that they have.

[00:05:28]Socializing, I think becomes really, really draining and really heavy heavy to bear. And I think ultimately, sometimes, especially for me, like words are the first to go when I am burnt out.

[00:05:39]I actually can't convey the messages and the feelings I'm I'm feeling. I go non-verbal. I think being alone is finding a sense of control in yourself and your environment. You're not having to perform. There are no expectations.

[00:05:54]There is no analyzing. There is no masking. It is just you being with yourself. I think being alone can sometimes feel like the only place that a lot of autistic people feel that they can just finally give one big exhale out to the world. If we talk about this from a psychology framework, I want to introduce you guys to the idea of safety versus freedom. I think when we are performing within a conversation and we are people pleasing and we are masking and we are performing and monitoring everything and feeling like we are controlling it. We are gripping the situation like this, like white knuckling it. This is a level of safety we feel. We feel safety within the the control. We feel safety in the lack of rejection that we're getting from the performing. But if we are talking about freedom, I think freedom comes through being alone where we don't have to perform, we don't have to mask, we don't have to do all these things. There is no control. We are just sitting and being with ourselves. I think for me and many of you would agree that being alone never felt lonely. I think it actually felt freeing. It's not that I necessarily disliked being around people because I don't always feel that way, but I dislike sometimes who I have to become when I am around certain people.

[00:07:18]You know, when we are talking about socializing and this is a very social topic, I guess I am talking about, I think it goes without saying that we have to talk about relationships and I think that for me, especially when I was younger, I felt like I will never be able to get married because I will never be able to have that alone time within a marriage. I felt that there was going to be this constant social presence around me. And it's not that I I didn't want to love, I just, you know, as I said, I just feared not having that personal space. And this is an area if you guys are autistic, neurodivergent, and you are married, how do you combat this? I I realize now that you do have to have a open and safe person to be with, to communicate with when you are feeling that overwhelmed, that isn't going to get offended because they already know that you need that time alone to regulate, and it's nothing against the person. And that's what I want to say, if you are loving someone who does withdraw, it's not that your autistic loved one doesn't care about you, doesn't respect you, doesn't love you, doesn't want to be around you. They are disappearing because they are overloaded and they are overwhelmed, and this is how they are able to regulate, this is how they've learned to regulate. This is just a quick little video just as kind of an introduction to the topic around why this happens, and just, you know, reaffirming why so many of us do that, and why it's not about us hating people.

[00:08:50]I don't think needing space makes you cold or distant or robotic or withdrawn from the world, just as people may have told you this. I think it's more the fact that some people's nervous systems just need more space alone to regulate, and I am right there with you. I am exactly in that same space. If you guys are needing more support in your journey to understanding your your neurodivergence, I have just launched within the last month a coaching app that is designed to help people rebuild the sense of identity and rebuild after burnout, and actually create a life that feels meaningful for you. I have used the metaphor coming home to yourself because I I that's what a diagnosis can do for a lot of people. Of course, there is never any pressure to sign up, but if you are interested, the link will be down below.

[00:09:44]Thank you guys so much for watching this video, and I will talk to you in my next one. Bye.