Some things just aren’t worth the price… (Epictetus)

Added: 2026-05-23

[00:00:01]When we look at other people's lives, it often  seems like they're doing much better than us in many ways. They have successful careers,  attractive partners, beautiful kids, nice homes, luxury vacations, and vibrant social circles.  Seeing all these success stories around us, we can't help but ask, "Why not me?"  And before we know it, envy sets in.

[00:00:27]We start wanting what others have and become  dissatisfied with our own lives. But according to Stoic philosopher Epictetus, people seem  to forget that the things they want in life come with a price. And the question is,  of course, are you willing to pay it?

[00:00:46]This video explores what Epictetus said about  this. My name is Stefan. If you enjoy my work, you can subscribe to my newsletter on  Substack. You can also support me on Patreon, and my books are available on Amazon. Thank  you, and I hope you'll enjoy this video.

[00:01:09]Maybe you weren't invited to a party. Maybe your  coworker just got promoted, and you didn't. Or your neighbors upgraded their car while you  don't even have one. And everywhere you look, you see happy couples with kids, while you're  single and childless against your will. But Epictetus reminds us that in most cases, these things take sacrifice. And we often don't realize what it really takes, as we  cannot look beyond people's facade. So we don't know how much they're sacrificing,  the money, time, and stress they put in.

[00:01:45]And since we, in all likelihood, are not  paying the price they pay, we don't really have a claim to what they have, argues the stoic  philosopher. In other words, to have something, we must be willing to pay the price. The  question is then, is it worth it? Let's find out.

[00:02:09]Whenever you see something you want for yourself,  consider what it takes to acquire and keep it. If we consider fame for example, we quickly realize  that it can take a lifetime to build and seconds to destroy. It depends on the whims of others,  which are not in our control. And so we always risk losing it regardless of what we do. Whether  we look at success, such as running a successful business or working a high-end job, these things  look very good in the eyes of others. In today's achievement society, professional success ranks  among the highest forms of status and worth. So, it's not surprising that so many people chase  it. But it also means hard work, long hours, and a high risk of burnout. It might also include  kissing the behinds of people we don't really like and putting up with those we secretly despise day  in and day out. Climbing the ladder may require us to compromise our moral and ethical boundaries. Do  we really want to pay that price? And what about our social lives? What's the price of being  popular? Of being the one who gets invited everywhere and knows everyone. Epictetus reminds  us that socializing also comes at a cost. There is no free dinner, he claims. All these invitations  and people wanting to hang out with you come with obligations and sacrifices. Maintaining a social  circle often eats up your time. You're expected to listen, respond, and empathize even when you don't  feel like it. You show up because it's expected, not because you want to. You stay in touch, or  friendships fade quickly. And often it means conforming, saying yes when you want to say  no, laughing at things you don't find funny, being agreeable, becoming whoever people want  you to be. And so it's with many things we want in life. Relationships take time, energy,  and compromise. Pets take responsibility, routine, and care. Children take all of that,  plus freedom and sleep. Luxury demands money, and once you get used to it, enough is never  enough. And you're trapped in a cycle of endless desire. Knowing this, we may still feel a bit  slighted, a bit shortchanged if we don't have these things. Who wants to be a have not?  But Epictetus has good news. Because even though we may not have what they have, we have  a lot more than we realize. Let's take a look.

[00:04:58]Suppose you're not a very popular person  and someone in your environment who is popular throws a dinner party and this party is  a great happening. Everyone is talking about it.

[00:05:09]The thing is, you are not invited, unlike all the  cool people in town. And so, you don't just feel like a reject, you also feel like you're  missing out and that you're passed over, that you're not getting something fun that  everyone else has gotten. But, Epictitus urges us to look at situations like these  with clarity. Because even though we miss out, an invitation to a party comes with hidden costs.  Here's what he said. If you weren't asked to a dinner party, you didn't buy your invitation  with the currency the host sells them for, attention and praise. End quote. Let's  face it, when you receive an invitation, there's instant pressure to attend. You put on  nice clothes, sometimes even follow a dress code.

[00:06:01]You then make a trip to spend hours with people  you're not that interested in. You're expected to be nice to the host. Bring a gift and ask how  he's doing. And for the rest of the evening, you're just part of the entourage. Many guests  are faking nice, and you're faking nice right back. That doesn't mean a party cannot be fun. It  just doesn't come for nothing. Now, suppose you did not get an invitation. Sure, you're missing  out on the party, but you're also not paying the price of attendance. And if you're the kind of  person who knows better ways to spend their time, not being invited isn't a bad thing at all. To  illustrate his point, Epictitus uses a simile about lettuce. Suppose lettuce is sold for 50 and  someone buys the lettuce for that price and you go without it. That doesn't mean that this person  is better off than you for he has the lettuce. So you have the 50 cents which you did not give,  said Abictitus. In the case of the party, the attendees may have their fun, but you have  the time, energy, and attention you didn't waste on it. You don't have to go there. You don't have  to endure people you don't like. You don't have to listen to conversations that don't interest you.  You don't have to wear a mask to fit in. Likewise, we may not have an intimate relationship, but we  keep our time, energy, and freedom. Similarly, we may not have many expensive things, but we keep  the money we didn't spend on them. And we may not have a large social circle, but we keep our peace  and solitude. Epictetus isn't saying you shouldn't engage in anything that comes with a price. Pay  the price if it serves a purpose for you, he said.

[00:07:57]Whether or not something serves a purpose is a  whole different question. It really depends on what you deem important in life. And for the  Stoics, it was never status, pleasure, or the approval of others, but inner peace, flourishing,  and virtue, things that Epictetus had a lot to say about. But for now, let's just say that  with many externals, the juice may not be worth the squeeze. And by missing out on something, we  may end up keeping something much more valuable.

[00:08:36]Thank you for watching.