If no company is better than bad company, how does one navigate without hurting others?

Added: 2026-05-05

[00:00:03]Namaste Swamiji.

[00:00:05]My name is Natalie.

[00:00:07]Earlier you said, I will ask my question and then give a little bit of context.

[00:00:11]Earlier you said, no company is better than quote-unquote bad company.

[00:00:16]My question is how to honor this idea without hurting people or falling into the trap of thinking you are special or pretending you are special.

[00:00:24]Because Vedanta has changed me thoroughly.

[00:00:27]So now everyone in my life is asking questions about Vedanta.

[00:00:29]Which is nice.

[00:00:31]But it has also created this kind of paradoxical effect where on the one hand there is obviously oneness but also kind of an embodied sense of alienation sometimes where I physically cannot be in certain spaces almost or participate in certain conversations.

[00:00:48]And I find it very hard to navigate this without hurting people or pretending that I am special.

[00:00:54]True.

[00:00:54]This is something that everybody faces.

[00:00:57]I remember this lady asked a question to Swami Ashokanandaji in the 1950s in the Vedanta Society of Northern California in San Francisco.

[00:01:06]He says that you have come to Vedanta and very soon your daughter or son will say, mummy is no fun anymore.

[00:01:15]Your friends will say, come to the party and you don't want to go to the party anymore.

[00:01:19]You are no fun anymore.

[00:01:21]What do you say to that?

[00:01:22]And Ashokanandaji said, I say good riddance to bad rubbish.

[00:01:27]You have done a lot of that in your lives.

[00:01:30]There is a time when you must move on.

[00:01:31]Of course you must not be unkind.

[00:01:33]But if you literally have to force yourself into an unpleasant situation, don't.

[00:01:38]Don't.

[00:01:39]You will always find a few people, like-minded people.

[00:01:42]It is good to have company who are like-minded, who are spiritual.

[00:01:44]There are many people who are interested.

[00:01:46]To the extent that such people are around, nowadays in a virtual world you can have a virtual circle of such people.

[00:01:52]Good.

[00:01:53]Beyond that, how much human company do you need?

[00:02:00]Be friendly to others.

[00:02:02]I remember this one little school girl, long ago in a school in Calcutta.

[00:02:06]I still remember the question.

[00:02:07]It threw me off for a moment.

[00:02:08]There was a Q&A.

[00:02:09]There were school children there.

[00:02:10]One little girl said, I don't have any friends.

[00:02:13]How do I get friends?

[00:02:16]So, luckily, someone, I mean somewhere, inspiration gave me the right answer at that moment.

[00:02:22]I said, try to be a good friend to others.

[00:02:24]You will get good friends.

[00:02:25]You will get friends.

[00:02:27]So, yes, how much company do we need?

[00:02:30]We don't need too much company.

[00:02:33]I remember when I was a student and I was in a dorm with other students.

[00:02:40]I asked the student counsellor who was a very wise old Jesuit priest.

[00:02:47]I asked him, Father, I am friendly with everybody.

[00:02:51]People are nice to me.

[00:02:52]I am nice to them.

[00:02:53]But I am not really, I know there are groups of guys.

[00:02:56]I am not really part of any of those groups.

[00:02:59]I was interested in spirituality, in philosophy and I had already secretly decided to become a monk.

[00:03:09]So, I was not part of those groups.

[00:03:11]So, I asked him, I am not part of those groups.

[00:03:14]I wonder why and what do I do?

[00:03:18]And he said something very wise.

[00:03:19]He looked at me.

[00:03:21]My name is Vishwaroop.

[00:03:22]He said, Vishwaroop, do you want to be part of those groups?

[00:03:28]You are exactly where you want to be.

[00:03:32]You want to be friendly with them.

[00:03:34]You want to have good relations with them.

[00:03:36]You have.

[00:03:37]But you really don't want to be part of those groups and their activities.

[00:03:41]You don't.

[00:03:43]So, you are not part of those groups.

[00:03:48]I mean it is easy to say these things.

[00:03:51]Not easy to navigate in life.

[00:03:53]Don't pretend to be very Vedantic to your friends.

[00:03:57]Just be relaxed.

[00:03:59]If they say, oh, you have really changed and you are spiritual and you are happy.

[00:04:04]Well, I am happy for you.

[00:04:05]I wonder how I can get some of that happiness in my life.

[00:04:08]Wonderful, good.

[00:04:10]Share books and lectures with them.

[00:04:13]If somebody says, what is all this spirituality?

[00:04:16]You are the same old useless person.

[00:04:18]You are no good.

[00:04:19]He said, good.

[00:04:22]You are doing so much of this spirituality.

[00:04:24]I don't see any improvement in you.

[00:04:27]Remember, your life is about one thing only.

[00:04:32]Those other people are incidental.

[00:04:34]My life is not about impressing them or satisfying them.

[00:04:38]Once your life is about one thing only, you are autonomous.

[00:04:42]You are now moving on your own power.

[00:04:44]You are not being driven by the pressures of relatives, friends, community, the job.

[00:04:52]There is one goal and you will go to it unstoppably.