Where TRUE Healing Begins (with Tim Ross)

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:00]We never metabolize the traumatic episodes of our life. They just float on the outside and they get to define us instead of us defining them. What you don't metabolize will always metastasize.

[00:00:16]>> The reason why I can be so self-aware and present is because of what I went and addressed >> in my past.

[00:00:22]>> People call it the harsh inner critic, but it's really the old man me yelling >> yelling >> at the younger me.

[00:00:29]>> That's right. and being bothered by every mistake the young me made.

[00:00:34]>> And from a regulated nervous system, we can do supernatural things that only God can get glory for. But without a re regulated nervous system, you can do all the miracles you want. You will not be okay.

[00:00:47]What's up everybody? Welcome to the leaders cut. And as should be no surprise because I told you several weeks ago we would be doing this again.

[00:00:59]We're with my best friend on the planet.

[00:01:04]>> I have lots of great friends, but my two bestest friends are my bride and my twin. These are my peoples. And the last time Timmy and I sat down, we really tried to lay out a as convincing a case as we can for the need for peace >> for sure.

[00:01:23]>> Especially in our day and in this season of time on the earth and going forward.

[00:01:27]>> Yep.

[00:01:28]>> But we told him our next conversation would be here's where we'll teach you how.

[00:01:34]>> That's right. So, in this episode, we're going to walk through the brass tax of how do you live with the peace that Jesus gave you to live with every day of your life, no matter what's going on around you. This is what we're talking about today. So, let's pray and we'll jump right in. Holy Spirit, thank you.

[00:01:56]>> Thank you >> for being the peace >> Yes, Lord.

[00:01:59]>> which Jesus said he is giving us. Mhm.

[00:02:04]>> Out of all the things he could have given, the fact that he gave you as our peace.

[00:02:11]He did not just send you, he gave you, >> yes, as our peace. Holy Spirit, would you invade our time together? Would you make it so tangibly easy to grow in peace?

[00:02:29]>> Mhm.

[00:02:29]>> To literally learn today how to steward peace in such a way that not only do we never lose it, >> but it just keeps growing in measure.

[00:02:44]>> Yes, Lord. every day of our lives. Holy Spirit, cut on our flesh. Anywhere something's getting in your way, >> take out the scalpel of heaven, the word of God >> and cut on our flesh >> so that you can have even more room.

[00:02:59]>> Mhm.

[00:03:00]>> To rule and reign in our lives in Jesus name.

[00:03:03]>> Jesus name.

[00:03:04]>> Amen.

[00:03:04]>> Amen.

[00:03:05]>> So when the book's coming out, it has come out this week. This is launch week.

[00:03:09]>> This is You have worked hard to get to this point.

[00:03:12]>> Yes. And now we're celebrating. She's out there. We're not just in pre-orders.

[00:03:17]Now the book is out. The baby is out the womb.

[00:03:21]>> Yes.

[00:03:22]>> And we're all celebrating it. And I want you to just walk us through how >> Mhm.

[00:03:32]>> do I live a life filled with peace?

[00:03:36]>> Yep. So, um I'm so excited. I here's how I feel about uh the missing piece. And for those of you all that that don't have it yet or haven't heard of it, you missed our first pod, go back and watch it.

[00:03:49]>> Get it. Got to watch the first one.

[00:03:50]>> This is missing piece. P E A C E, not P I E C E. We're talking about the missing peace. The peace that Jesus promised.

[00:04:00]>> Gospel according to St. John 14:27. I am giving you peace. I am leaving you peace. Not as the world gives. So neither be thou troubled or afraid.

[00:04:10]Loose translation.

[00:04:12]Here's what excites me so much about this book is I get to literally use my life as the case study of how you go from disregulation to regulation. This is not just me for kicks and giggles getting some research and ah this might be a good topic to talk about and >> oh man the temperature the world needs peace right now. Maybe I'll write about it. This is a burden. This is a life message for me. And so it comes from that place.

[00:04:45]>> Welcome to the basement >> was a revelation. It was a revelation that God gave me at 30 about um what it was like to live an integrated life and not to be a disintegrated human being, right? What it was like to live with character and integrity.

[00:05:02]This book is a resource. Like this is the first book that I really feel like is a resource that people can go back to. I hope that it is like the starter kit for people to break the silence, and I'll explain that in a minute. in areas of their lives that have been suppressed or repressed for years and years and years. Um, I don't need anybody to make a beline straight to a therapist. I just need them to be able to start articulating maybe me too. My goodness, Tim, you you went first. I I didn't expect you to say that or divulge this or talk about this so candidly, but now that you said that, it's resonating with something with me and I feel something now. Oh, I can't even finish this chapter. Dang, I want to cry. What am I feeling right now?

[00:05:52]>> I I hate you, Tim. I I don't I didn't want to feel this. Right.

[00:05:55]>> My one of the um the marketing person for the book >> literally told me that she had to stop in my chapter on grief to grieve.

[00:06:04]>> Yeah. and and so it it's going to bring up some emotions, but I hope we get to just the the start of where healing begins. And that's what breaking the silence. So, this book is 20 chapters and it's broken into 10 in two sections cuz I'm I don't have time for no complicated stuff, right? So, the first 10 chapters are under the uh uh header of breaking the silence. And I and I just walk you through what it's like to break silence. And then the second part of the book, cuz that is the most important thing is to actually break the silence. And then you move into where the real healing begins, which is safety and stabilization, um remembering and then integration. So, I want to start with um the break in the silence journey and what that looks like. So, um for me, uh I said this in the first pod, but it's worth noting again. Sexual abuse at the age of eight by an older teenage boy that lived across the street from me.

[00:07:08]I'm very specific about that, Preston, because the there are nuances to trauma that would be very easy for me to leave vague >> because of um either embarrassment, shame, or the fear of what you think >> some kind of societal stigma >> I might be dealing with because of the nature of my abuse, right? Yep. And uh without peace, you don't make these details, >> right?

[00:07:44]>> Because >> you hide them >> as if I don't have enough issues going on, right? Why would I also tell you >> that I was sexually abused by an older teenage boy in a society that we live in right now? What are the implications of that? What what is he dealing with? Does he like guys? You know what I mean? Is he bisexual? And so I want to I want to I want to alleviate that by just putting it out there that this is what my body went through. Yeah. My body went through that type of sexual abuse.

[00:08:16]>> My b my body all also went through environmental trauma.

[00:08:20]Um um I saw my first dead body when I was nine. Um and I didn't walk up on it. Um, I saw a kid get hit by a car, a truck, and obviously the blunt force trauma knocked him to the ground. His skull cracked open, his brain fell out, and I saw this with my eyes. Um, within 4 hours, my parents uh had us at Disneyland and we rode Miles and I rode Space Mountain 22 times in a row. It was like a Tuesday night. It was dead. and they didn't know what to do with me exposed to that type of trauma.

[00:09:03]>> Um, I didn't know how much that had an impact on me. My older brother founded a gang and so the environment I grew up in was dangerous. The color you wore could get you killed. Claiming a set could get you killed. Not claiming the set could get you killed. Um, who you hung out could get you killed. If you like a girl that's on the other side of the neighborhood from the side that you're safe on, that could also get you killed.

[00:09:30]So, you just your head's on a swivel, right? And I detailed a little bit about the fact that um our lives were actually put on notice that we could be killed because of a family member who had done something in the gang. So, a lot of trauma. And I didn't even know that environmental trauma was a thing. I just thought it was the hood, right?

[00:09:50]It's like, "Oh, we all went through But that's trauma. So you bring all of this into your adolescence, your teenage years, your young adult years where um pornography and masturbation was my coping mechanism, where promiscuity in my late teens was my way of not even proving my manhood as much as it was my core wounds of attachment and abandonment. I just needed to be with somebody. Yeah. You know, so you you take all that then you give your life to Jesus, right? And growing up in Pentecostal church, you look at your hands and they look new and you looked at your feet and they did do look what the Lord has done, right? And we negate the process of sanctification.

[00:10:42]>> People get so uncomfortable pres when I say that on the day that I gave my life to Jesus, which was January 14th of 1996, I was a born again porn addict. M >> they find that in congruent because no no no there's no way no no you were freed that day.

[00:10:57]>> Right.

[00:10:58]>> Right. And it's like yes and there was a process of some things falling off of me. Right. And peace came the same way.

[00:11:07]I would love to say that I've been holding on to this revelation for as long as I've been saved. Right. For 30 years. But I came into this with with with some clarity literally in the last six or seven years.

[00:11:23]>> And it just began to it it began to coalesce and germinate and grow until it was so obvious in scripture that I was like, "OH MY GOSH, HOW HAVE I never seen this?"

[00:11:41]>> Right? So the way that it looked like in my life and I want to I want to take you through these steps cuz breaking the silence literally means just that you have to put your pain into words.

[00:11:54]So my at the age of 19 years old around 2:00 in the morning my mom caught me watching pornography.

[00:12:03]When I say caught whatever you see she saw.

[00:12:10]And this is not digital porn era. This is not I had my phone out and she looked over my shoulder. This is a box TV with a VHS porn tape in it. Okay. A remote control in one hand and my penis in the other.

[00:12:27]Okay.

[00:12:29]My mama saw that. That's the liveaction photo my mama saw. And being the woman of God she is, she ran to her room and got on her knees and started praying for her son >> while I was still trying to figure out, can I get up now?

[00:12:42]>> What just happened?

[00:12:42]>> What just happened?

[00:12:45]So, I clean myself up.

[00:12:47]I walk down the hall. If I make a left, I go to my room. The next four or five days, I'm thinking all this to myself.

[00:12:54]The next four or five days are going to be awkward. Mom's going to tell dad.

[00:12:56]Dad's going to say, "Stop looking at porn." Right? And then it's going to be awkward for four or five days. and we'll get over it. Or I make a right, knock on her door, go in her room, and I tell her why I'm looking at porn.

[00:13:09]>> I wasn't even saved Preston.

[00:13:10]>> Mhm.

[00:13:11]>> But I knew why I was looking at porn.

[00:13:14]>> I knew porn wasn't my issue. I I knew it was the the fruit of a root of being sexualized at 8 years old.

[00:13:24]I wasn't saved yet. And I know it was the Holy Spirit that gave me the strength to make that right. And I knocked on the door. I opened the door and I said, "Mom, I don't want you to think I'm nasty and I don't want you to think I'm a pervert, but I got abused when I was when I was eight." Now, she was already on her knees crying. So, now she starts crying more.

[00:13:46]We talked for a few minutes. Um, she says, "Does your younger brother know about this?" I said, "Yes, cuz he got molested by the same guy." We wake him up. So, now Miles shares it.

[00:13:59]Now it's a family emergency. Daddy works nights for the US Postal Service. He comes home. It's 3:00 in the morning, 3:30 in the morning. Now, he shares that he was sexually abused when he was five by the comic book store owner.

[00:14:15]And in this one night, what should have been shame and darkness was light, >> containment, love, >> beautiful >> support.

[00:14:29]>> Yeah.

[00:14:29]>> And safety.

[00:14:31]>> It's great.

[00:14:33]>> I cried myself to sleep. But when I woke up in the morning, it was like a 2,000 lb slab of concrete came off my chest.

[00:14:42]Hear me, Preston. I was not saved.

[00:14:47]We think freedom in Christ is like that's penultimate.

[00:14:52]You can get free just by talking.

[00:14:56]You can get some relief up off of you.

[00:14:58]Some of that heaviness will lift. Say you don't even believe in Jesus.

[00:15:04]You were never meant to bear secrets.

[00:15:06]>> Yeah.

[00:15:06]>> Our bodies were not made for silence.

[00:15:10]They were made for sound.

[00:15:13]Every child that comes out the womb comes out of the womb with a voice.

[00:15:19]And in the absence of words, they can communicate with just the sound.

[00:15:27]And parents, loving parents, attune to be able to discern the sound the baby is making.

[00:15:32]>> That's great.

[00:15:33]>> That sound is cry cuz I'm hungry. That sound is pain. This sound is gas. This sound has changed me. This sound is sleepy. I can't say I'm sleepy. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I'm hungry. But I have a voice.

[00:15:52]And at a very early age, the enemy tries to start silence silencing our voice.

[00:15:59]One of the chapters in the book is silence isn't golden.

[00:16:03]This age old adage that you know some things are better off not saying, >> especially generationally. the generation before ours and two generations before ours especially >> the baby boomer's parents were literally called the silent generation that was the name of their generation what a word curse >> right >> so breaking the silence is fundamental to healing you have to be able to name it you have to be able to say this is where it hurts in the absence of you being able to say it, you're just going to keep expressing it. Your body is going to betray you because you're not telling the truth about it. My my my statement is whatever doesn't come up and out of our bodies through words will come up and out of our bodies through actions.

[00:16:54]>> You show me a man or a woman that's domestically violent, I'll show you somebody that can articulate their anger.

[00:16:59]>> 100%.

[00:16:59]>> Show me somebody that can't be faithful to their spouse, I'll show you somebody that cannot articulate their loneliness or their shame.

[00:17:06]Show me somebody that always has to lie.

[00:17:09]I'll show you somebody that's uncomfortable with their truth.

[00:17:12]>> Yep. And this is where we've got to be completely clear. And we talked a little bit about this the last episode. But when we talk about trauma, we can't just think about >> sexual trauma.

[00:17:24]>> Sexual trauma.

[00:17:25]>> This is not a book for as a child sexual trauma survivor.

[00:17:28]>> That is the ultimate excuse. Absolutely correct. I I I haven't experienced that kind of trauma. So I don't really have >> the kind of trauma he's talking about.

[00:17:36]Oh no.

[00:17:36]>> Oh yeah.

[00:17:37]>> No no no being alive the last half a decade >> has >> the last six years alone >> has brought a measure of trauma.

[00:17:46]>> Yeah.

[00:17:47]>> That if if that can be easily lied about.

[00:17:49]>> That's exactly right.

[00:17:50]>> Cuz you can always point at someone who has experienced more trauma but that doesn't mean you've experienced no trauma.

[00:17:56]>> That's exactly right. And trauma is relative. And so trauma is trauma is trauma. That's right.

[00:18:02]>> And there are macro traumat traumatic events that could happen in your life.

[00:18:07]There are microtumatic events that could happen in your life. Let's take >> let's take 2020. If anybody thinks that 2020 wasn't a traumatic year, you're absolutely off your rocker. This is the way I actually open the book.

[00:18:24]>> I want you to think about what 2020 gave us. What that one calendar year gave us?

[00:18:31]It gave us a pandemic, a quarantine, racial tension, vaccinations, opting in or out, and an election year that was incredibly polarizing. Preston, one of those five would have been enough for a year.

[00:18:59]We had all five >> in a year.

[00:19:03]And after we came out, whether you were in a a state that let you out a week after everything broke out or whether you were in a state that didn't let you out for a year, when we all came back outside, we weren't better.

[00:19:16]>> Right? I know we all ordered the Pelaton and I know we all started eating right again and I know we all started cooking organic pancakes but we didn't come back out and interface and connect with each other again better. We were more stressed, more timid, more afraid. We had less peace, less certainty about the future.

[00:19:38]So if you don't get to put those if you don't get to put what you felt into words, you will keep acting out or your body will start acting out. You'll get ulcers, you'll get headaches, you'll get migraines, you your body won't be able to sleep. You have to be able to name this stuff. So, I'm a big advocate in writing this book about not only breaking the silence, but being able to put it into words and then properly grieving >> what it is.

[00:20:10]>> Essential.

[00:20:11]>> You have to grieve it. We I have a chapter in the book called Cry River. If you don't cry, you die. And it doesn't have to be physical death, but I want you to think about what our tears were actually designed to do. Our tears are God's mechanism.

[00:20:31]It's a beacon call for community.

[00:20:35]>> When you live in a world where you have people that are self-aware, you'd be hardressed to find a person who sees another person crying and is not drawn to them. This is why a baby doesn't only have a voice at birth. They have tears because it is God's built-in mechanism for allowing >> humanity to draw close to you. I was on a plane a month and a half ago.

[00:21:03]There was a girl I was in the bulkhead row in the first row. She was second row across from me on the window.

[00:21:15]She's balling her eyes out on the phone talking to a family member.

[00:21:19]She's completely disregulated because she had been by her father's bedside for as long as her stay was in Dallas.

[00:21:29]And on the day that she had to come back home to where she lived in route to the airport, her father died.

[00:21:38]>> And she felt so guilty that she wasn't there. And she's literally disregulated and balling.

[00:21:46]I feel so terrible. Everybody was there but me.

[00:21:50]And I am through gritted teeth. Preston saying to the person that I know can't hear me, the passenger next to her, "Hug her.

[00:22:00]Hug her.

[00:22:02]You don't have to marry her.

[00:22:04]>> Hug her. You don't have to know her.

[00:22:08]It's your hug will be less awkward than her filling the entire cabin with her lament. Hug her. He didn't hug her.

[00:22:18]So, I put my earphones in um and I pray for her and then I have to pee and so I get up and I'm in the galley cuz somebody's in the bathroom. When the door opens, it was her. And I said, "Hey, I'm I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I heard you crying. And she goes, "You heard me crying? Was that that loud?" I said, "I'm so sorry about the loss of your father. I lost my daddy in 2024. I can identify with your pain."

[00:22:48]>> Are are you against me hugging you? Fell into my arms and snotted my sweater out.

[00:22:56]Beautiful.

[00:22:57]And I just held her. We're at 33,000 ft in the air and two strangers >> Yeah. are holding each other because it's not good for man to be alone, >> drawn together by tears.

[00:23:13]>> Tears of grief and lament are more viscous than tears of anger and frustration.

[00:23:19]>> Um the scientists have actually done studies that um tears that are anger anger tears streak. They're they're very slick, but those grieve tears are more viscous. They are thicker. They are they they have more saline in them and some other stuff that I'm not a scientist. Um that's meant to make me come to you. But but think about what has been told to young men and young women disproportionately men but young women as well. Quit all that crying, >> right?

[00:23:53]>> Suck it up for men. Be a man.

[00:23:57]>> Big boys don't cry. Here's what I wish I could go back to say go back and say to the adults in my life during that time.

[00:24:06]I'll be a big boy soon enough.

[00:24:09]>> I'm six.

[00:24:10]>> Wow.

[00:24:12]>> I just skid my knee.

[00:24:15]>> Please let me have this.

[00:24:17]>> I There'll be enough bills for the big boy. I know I have to be 30 years old one day. I know I have to be 45 and manage and I know I have to Can I be six?

[00:24:29]without having to be a war hero.

[00:24:33]Can I lament? So grief is so important to the repair process. When Moses died, God gave them 30 days to grieve.

[00:24:42]He we're going to go to the promised land, but you just lost your leader and I'm going to give you 30 days. Grief was so important that he gave them time. He built it into what they could so that they can move forward with peace.

[00:24:58]We have to be able to incorporate grief into our lives. If not, we never metabolize the traumatic episodes of our life. They just float on the outside and they get to define us instead of us defining them.

[00:25:15]>> What you don't metabolize will always metastasize.

[00:25:23]you >> you are pointing at a an age-old lie >> that if you just hush up, >> it won't spread and the opposite is true.

[00:25:38]>> The opposite is true.

[00:25:40]>> It's like the lie was if you if you don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist.

[00:25:46]And it's really, if you don't acknowledge it, it's going to run rampant. Preston, I just saw a picture that was so overwhelming just now.

[00:26:00]I saw a grandfather who was an alcoholic, who had a son who is alcoholic, who had children that were not alcoholics but angry.

[00:26:15]And it's all because the grandfather could not articulate and express his pain.

[00:26:22]And by not communicating what his mouth, the pain that he was feeling, he still communicated to the next generation what his pain was doing.

[00:26:33]And the next generation picked it up.

[00:26:36]And then the next generation didn't pick it up but now is internalizing anger that they won't even express with words. So it's just coming out of their body and actions. Pent up gritted teeth, swollen knuckles.

[00:26:58]We have to be able to talk about this stuff. It has to come out. Okay.

[00:27:06]Who does it need to come out to when we break the silence? Who do we break the silence to? Well, first person I'm breaking my silence to is to God.

[00:27:16]Right? Uh in um in First John, scripture says, "If we confess our sins to God, he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness."

[00:27:33]We need to give our lament, our grief, our our sins to God, right? We need to confess all of this. We need to unbburden ourselves of this.

[00:27:46]But notice what happens when we confess to God. When we confess to God, he's faithful and just to forgive us. He forgives us and he cleanses us.

[00:27:57]>> Doesn't say he heals us.

[00:27:59]>> Now, this is going to scare some people right here. the de watch yourself to him. The Lord heals me. He He He's freeing me.

[00:28:10]Our relationship with God is direct because of Jesus's broken body on the cross.

[00:28:16]And forgiveness is there, cleansing is there.

[00:28:21]But Jacob, which we call James, book of James. But the book of Jacob, chapter number five, tells us a different story when it comes to confession of faults and sins. Confess your sins one to another and pray for one another that you may be healed.

[00:28:40]The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous availth much. Now, am I saying that when I confess to God, I'm not healed?

[00:28:49]Well, I'm just being a literalist right now based on what is written. And what is written is you're cleansed and a human can't do that. You're forgiven. A human can't do that.

[00:29:02]Only God can do that.

[00:29:05]But God, who created the human dynamic for us to face each other, not face away from each other, said, "It's not good for man to be alone. And there's something that's going to happen in the totality of your freedom that I'm not going to be responsible for.

[00:29:21]You can't look to me for that. You're going to have to look to your fellow human for that. Confess your sins one to another. Pray for one another. That's where your healing is going to come from. Preston, for years, I confessed my secret sins of pornography and masturbation and promiscuity to the Lord.

[00:29:43]And I sounded like a broken record. And I never got any healing. And I never started to see freedom in those areas.

[00:29:50]Why? Because I wasn't confessing it one to another.

[00:29:55]There is a dynamic of healing that only comes when I confess to you. I confess it to God, but now I got to look you in the face.

[00:30:07]Now I'm being held accountable. Now I'm actually tethered to somebody who's invested in seeing my freedom.

[00:30:16]And that drastically changes how I see my own person and how I see the journey that I'm on. It's one thing.

[00:30:24]It's just me and God. I No, I got my own personal relationship with God. I don't need anybody. Uh, forget a pastor.

[00:30:30]Forget the priest. Forget Oh, no. No. I just need It's just me and God. Okay.

[00:30:36]But when you're going around the desert on your 40th year, don't be surprised why you're taking this this next lap. It's because you don't have anybody else on this journey with you.

[00:30:53]>> My greatest breakthroughs have come when I've talked to people.

[00:30:56]>> Yeah. My greatest transformations have happened after I have expressed to people.

[00:31:04]God didn't catch me watching porn when I was 19.

[00:31:09]My mama did.

[00:31:11]>> And there was something about my mama catching me that was never going to hit with God catching me.

[00:31:19]>> Yeah.

[00:31:20]>> Cuz he's so faithful and just to forgive me of all my sins and can continue to cleanse me. Though a righteous man falls seven times, he continues to bear us up.

[00:31:27]No matter how many times I fall in the mud, he keeps washing me off. But it's different to have to look you in the face and go, "Man, I did it again.

[00:31:37]Oops, I did it again."

[00:31:41]You could do that with God for a long time, but I don't want to come I don't want to look my twin in the face and be like, "Hey dog, I know we just talked about this and you just prayed a hot prayer over me and I went and I dove back in the mud." What?

[00:31:54]No. There there's something >> that God put in the interconnectivity with us as human beings for that exchange to happen. I have to break silence, not just vertically, but horizontally.

[00:32:09]>> That's great >> as well.

[00:32:12]>> And that's been one of the markers of our relationship. The very first time we sat down, you knew everything about me in 4 hours. Did I leave anything out?

[00:32:26]>> It set a precedent for nothing ever being left out.

[00:32:32]I wasn't going to I knew I was in love with you from the moment I saw you. And I knew that was going to be reciprocated if I showed you all aspects of me at that time and if you still love me back.

[00:32:50]>> Right.

[00:32:50]>> Right.

[00:32:51]>> I didn't want you to fall in love with my representative.

[00:32:53]>> Right.

[00:32:54]>> Right. I I didn't want to impress you.

[00:32:58]>> I would rather have repulsed you.

[00:33:00]>> Yep.

[00:33:01]>> Than to impress you. And then you find out later. Whoa. What? You never shared that with me. So horizontal confession is as important. It's not one and two.

[00:33:18]It's 1 A and one A and a half. It ain't even one B.

[00:33:22]>> You need vertical and horizontal confession.

[00:33:26]>> And that is the culmination of breaking the silence.

[00:33:30]What a safe place to be able to contain that which my heart brings to the table which life might have put on my heart but to fight for a safe space. Safe spaces have to be created.

[00:33:50]>> That's absolutely correct. That they are not natural.

[00:33:52]>> That's absolutely correct.

[00:33:53]>> We have to create them and it's two of us, >> not one of us. And it is that horizontal. That's right. I mean, what you did the first time we sat down never remained as a youth thing.

[00:34:04]>> That's right. No, it did not. It was reciprocated.

[00:34:06]>> A truly safe space.

[00:34:07]>> That's right.

[00:34:08]>> Demands >> That's right.

[00:34:10]>> reciprocation.

[00:34:11]>> That's absolutely correct.

[00:34:12]>> Absolutely correct.

[00:34:13]>> Otherwise, it's something you just jump into and jump out of. But if we are to live it together, >> that's right.

[00:34:19]>> This horizontal is a constant.

[00:34:22]>> It is.

[00:34:23]>> It is a door that always remains open and never gets closed.

[00:34:26]>> That's absolutely correct. Anytime, all the time. That's right. Phone call, text, middle of the night, absolutely middle of the night, >> voice notes, we've done it all.

[00:34:34]>> All configurations. But we will not just vertically.

[00:34:38]>> That's right.

[00:34:39]>> We will horizontally.

[00:34:41]>> It has to be or we don't get freed, bro.

[00:34:43]I I've seen too many How many people have we seen have to step down from ministry? We know they've been I know in the throws of first of all, when you don't want to be deplicit, right?

[00:34:56]However we find ourselves in Adam and Eve didn't want to be hiding in the bushes, right? After they sinned, they were aware of it and they hid. Why? I have more shame on top of the shame I already feel. Right. So when it finally comes out, you're almost relieved. Yeah.

[00:35:12]Cuz you're like, >> I should have just told y'all this cuz I just this has been hard to keep to myself. Right. This has been a burden to carry.

[00:35:21]When you get to share it, the release that comes. Things don't even have to change. There's just a relief that comes because you're like, "Oh, okay. I feel much better now." It's different than when I told God.

[00:35:38]So, I know all these pastors that have had to step down. I know they've confessed their sins. I know nobody nobody gets in ministry to embarrass themselves and God and the the faith and their family and the whole nine.

[00:35:52]>> But I've done my own work to the point that I I have empirical data on this statement.

[00:36:00]The origin of all moral failure, lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, pride of life. Right? Those are the only three point pointed entries we got. The subcategories in those three compartments endless, exhaustive.

[00:36:14]>> But the but the common denominator for all moral failures >> is silence.

[00:36:20]>> Yeah.

[00:36:21]>> I would not admit that that was tempting me. I would not admit I like that.

[00:36:32]I'm drawn to that. I want that. I covet that.

[00:36:38]I'm into that. And when we don't say it, the likelihood of us doing it goes through the roof.

[00:36:45]>> Yeah.

[00:36:48]I think people their biggest fear is what someone even and especially a close friend might think when they go horizontal and they confess something. I I will tell you in the beginning because I had never had a relationship that was so quick to go horizontal in my in all my life, >> right?

[00:37:09]>> And at first because I didn't have a frame of reference, it it was like, is this even is this good?

[00:37:17]>> Is this healthy?

[00:37:18]>> Because in my mind, without even realizing it, I had already bought the the line and lie that silence Yep.

[00:37:27]>> was golden.

[00:37:28]>> Right. That's right.

[00:37:29]>> And so if that's what you believe, then when someone is vulnerable enough >> to refuse to be silent, >> it's offputting. Y >> until you realize the only path to my healing involves >> Yep.

[00:37:46]>> bringing this person into >> Yep.

[00:37:48]>> Not just when I fall or slip in the mud, >> right?

[00:37:51]>> But especially when I dive into it.

[00:37:53]>> Amen.

[00:37:54]>> Absolutely correct.

[00:37:54]>> Or I'm thinking about that.

[00:37:55]>> Absolutely correct.

[00:37:56]>> It feels unnatural. That's right.

[00:37:58]>> At first until you realize the power >> That's right.

[00:38:02]>> that is released.

[00:38:03]>> Absolutely.

[00:38:04]>> When we do it.

[00:38:05]>> So, so this one of the one of the um chapters in Breaking the Silence is um vulnerability as a superpower. And I talk about the fact that vulnerability is risky.

[00:38:15]That's why most people don't do it. Um because you have to risk the the the main thing I usually hear is someone either fears their vulnerability being weaponized against them or they've already had their vulnerability weaponized against them and why would I ever open myself up to do that again?

[00:38:33]>> Yeah.

[00:38:34]>> Um and you cannot be a riskadverse person if you really want peace in your life again. Blessed are the peacemakers.

[00:38:43]You got to make your own peace. And to make your own piece, you have to disrupt even the lies and the fears that you have around your own story, your own narrative. So, so, um, can it be risky for, this is the leaders cut, can it be risky for a leader to sit down with their elders and say they're attracted to their secretary?

[00:39:05]Yes.

[00:39:08]The likelihood of them being able to say that drastically reduces the fact that they're going to send an inappropriate text, that they're going to linger in the hall, >> talking about ministry, but really on the inside.

[00:39:24]>> Mhm.

[00:39:25]>> Feeling a little dopamine hit, right, >> just for >> being in the same space.

[00:39:31]and then maybe letting a hug linger too long and then sending a text that if anybody else saw it, they would probably think it's innocent, but now this person is feeling a little special that they got the lead pastor's attention and that you love them, too.

[00:39:52]And then it's never going to be I see you, I I do you.

[00:39:58]Seven months later, I don't know how we got here.

[00:40:01]>> Yeah.

[00:40:02]>> Right. When you could have said, I'm attracted to her. I didn't plan on being attracted to the person that HR hired. Right. I didn't hire this person.

[00:40:11]I didn't wake up in the morning going, I want to look at another woman and think she's more beautiful than my No.

[00:40:18]>> Attraction is not planned.

[00:40:20]Our reactions to our attractions >> are always planned.

[00:40:25]>> That's a decision. Attraction is not a decision. Our reaction to our attraction is the decision. What will you do with this now?

[00:40:35]>> Yeah.

[00:40:36]>> Okay. And so my I I want people I I want vulnerability to be normalized to where you're like, I want to be free.

[00:40:46]>> I want to live in peace.

[00:40:47]>> I want to live in peace.

[00:40:48]>> I want to live in peace. That's right.

[00:40:50]>> So I will risk you looking at me like pervert.

[00:40:54]>> Right.

[00:40:54]>> Can't believe you would. Hey bro, think what you want. I needed to get that out.

[00:40:59]Y'all good?

[00:41:00]>> Ask me any other question around it that you want. Now you can see my phone. Now you can. Right. Well, do do we need to Is there something she needs to do? You need to She's just an attractive woman.

[00:41:10]There's nothing wrong with her. Nothing needs to change about her. I'm telling you this is me. I will make the course correction. This is She's not the problem.

[00:41:18]>> I am. I I needed to say that because I'm tired of men making women >> their problem when you're the problem, >> right? The way she dresses is the problem. She shouldn't dress like that.

[00:41:31]>> She looks the way she looks. Stop. If she had on a trash bag, >> right?

[00:41:36]>> If your mind isn't renewed and you can't see things in purity or if you're just sexually attracted to the individual, >> stop making it her issue. It's your issue. You do what you need to do for you and stop putting it off on her.

[00:41:48]Okay, that's out. So, break the silence, right? If we can get this stuff out, Preston, our bodies start to regulate. I told you when I told my mama, my mama caught me and I told her the truth about what my body was actually experiencing, >> 10 thou 2,000 lbs came off my chest.

[00:42:07]>> The the Lord wasn't even in my life yet.

[00:42:10]>> And I but I felt free. The only thing worse than telling a secret that I've been carrying is carrying the secret.

[00:42:18]>> That's exactly right.

[00:42:19]>> I mean, I I remember one of the the biggest moments in our relationship from from my perspective. I remember when the two of us sat down, our our young adult ministries, by God's grace, were both popping off at the time. God was moving mightily in both spaces. Y >> and we're, you know, late 20s, early 30s type, you know, and the opposite sex, you know, everyone, a lot of single women that we were absolutely ministering to.

[00:42:54]>> Yeah.

[00:42:55]>> 80% of our young adult ministry was single.

[00:42:57]>> Right.

[00:42:57]>> Right. Just by sheer virtue of age, right?

[00:43:00]>> Right. Just where they were in life. I remember when we sat down and we had the conversation, if I was my enemy, how would I take me out?

[00:43:13]And we had the what would she look like >> conversation.

[00:43:16]>> Yes.

[00:43:17]>> And it was not an easy conversation because both of us >> drew a picture.

[00:43:22]>> Yep.

[00:43:24]>> To hand to the other >> not to say I'm struggling >> right >> right now. Right.

[00:43:33]>> Not to say I am I can't get this person.

[00:43:36]It was to draw a silhouette.

[00:43:38]>> That's right.

[00:43:38]>> It was a break the glass axe.

[00:43:41]>> That's right.

[00:43:41]>> That I gave to my best friend.

[00:43:44]>> If you ever see me chasing consistently something like this, you know something is going down in me.

[00:43:56]>> Yeah.

[00:43:58]>> Body check me.

[00:43:59]>> Yeah. We It was one of the most powerful conversations that we had. And what's wild, I think people think when like, well, but if we if we confess something like that, then it's we're gonna we're letting draw it.

[00:44:10]>> We we released it into the universe and now he's going to have the playbook against me, dog. He he takes better notes on you than you have on you.

[00:44:16]Exactly. His little minions are constantly taking notes at how I respond to stress. So, I'm not speaking it into the atmosphere. Absolutely. What I'm doing is confessing.

[00:44:27]>> That's correct. and bringing my twin into something and a wild thing happened >> in that season where temptation could have been a very real problem. It wasn't something that we were able to be big brothers to a lot >> That's absolutely correct of younger men and women.

[00:44:44]>> That's exactly right.

[00:44:46]>> And >> and they felt safe.

[00:44:47]>> And they felt safe.

[00:44:48]>> They were absolutely safe with us.

[00:44:50]>> Beautiful. That's right.

[00:44:51]>> Track stars and models.

[00:44:53]>> Yes. Absolutely. And commercials. All the things. All the things. Right.

[00:44:57]>> Yes.

[00:44:58]>> But because we from the beginning were able to bring one another in.

[00:45:03]>> Yep.

[00:45:03]>> But this this is the deal. We taught on this for years.

[00:45:07]>> There is risk. There is inherent risk in this. David and Jonathan are still to this day.

[00:45:12]>> Exactly.

[00:45:14]>> Misunderstood under a magnifying glass over a kiss >> and taught by incredibly sharp theological minds.

[00:45:22]>> Yes. Yes. that they had inappropriate relationship with one another.

[00:45:26]>> Yeah. Absolutely.

[00:45:28]>> And that's Yeah. If you don't understand vulnerabilities.

[00:45:31]>> That's right.

[00:45:32]>> You're always going to see it as a sin.

[00:45:34]>> Absolutely correct.

[00:45:37]>> But when you learn the power of vulnerability, it's amazing how it minimizes.

[00:45:41]>> That's exactly right. Yeah. Absolutely.

[00:45:43]Absolutely. I'm I'm glad that you mentioned this and I didn't I didn't know we would go this direction um talking about this, but it's it's worth noting. I am so grateful for Billy Graham's integrity.

[00:45:58]>> I'm so great I'm so grateful for the way that he lived his life um during his dispensation of time um to influence presidents and world leaders.

[00:46:12]the Billy Graham rule that he instituted to >> not be in the same >> elevator with a woman, not travel alone with a woman, not his wife.

[00:46:22]>> You know what I mean? All that kind of stuff.

[00:46:25]>> I I love it. I love the integrity of it.

[00:46:29]>> And boy, did it damage relationships between men and women who were supposed to be brothers and sisters in the body of Christ.

[00:46:40]>> Right?

[00:46:41]All because we thought two people of the opposite sex cannot be friends without ultimately wanting to have sex with each other.

[00:46:52]>> Just like two men can't be friends without I trying to keep a straight face. We've dealt with this our entire relationship.

[00:47:00]And so but it it's just the other side of the same coin what you're describing.

[00:47:05]>> Yes. Yes.

[00:47:06]>> This it's laughable.

[00:47:08]>> It is, bro. What do we do? Like the fact the fact that we we we we can't even be to me whose nar narrative does this sound like? You can't befriend a woman without wanting to have sex with her.

[00:47:27]And you can't befriend a man.

[00:47:29]>> That's right. without being if I say I love you attracted to him who's there being in love with Preston >> does not sound like the one trying to keep us all alone >> absolutely correct he wants us isolated >> and yet the opposite >> is what the Lord says first it's not good for man to be alone >> it's not good for man to be alone >> so you need to figure this out >> and he wasn't going man man woman woman >> if be honest enough to know this person I'm I'm attracted to this person. Again, that doesn't mean you're in sin.

[00:48:04]>> Yeah.

[00:48:06]>> Let me say this.

[00:48:08]>> You can't find from Genesis to Revelation anywhere where scripture says attraction is a sin.

[00:48:15]>> Cuz attraction is not a sin.

[00:48:17]>> Our reaction to that attraction can be a sin, >> right?

[00:48:20]>> And so we we've called stuff sinful that wasn't even sinful.

[00:48:26]Attraction is not a sin. opposite same >> right >> it ain't a sin what you gonna do with it right >> that's when the Lord says what you do with this attraction >> is what's gonna make you cr cross a boundary with me not you being attraction I make beautiful things of course they're beautiful I make beautiful people right >> yay you Jesus thank you Lord right I I I want people I want to normalize I'm so passionate about this I want to normalize vulnerer vulnerability until until you until everybody's where I am. I am now vulnerable. I I've run the risk of being vulnerable to the expense of other people's comfort.

[00:49:14]I'm not uncomfortable no more. You might be uncomfortable with me. I don't have that. I don't have that issue no more.

[00:49:21]I'm going to say it and you going to have to deal with it. And if that makes you retreat from me, duly noted, we're not gonna have that relationship, right?

[00:49:32]But what I'm not gonna do is not be vulnerable, fearing you're going to misunderstand what I mean by what I say.

[00:49:40]>> I'm not going to lose my piece just to keep you around.

[00:49:41]>> I can't do that. Yeah, >> I can't do that.

[00:49:43]>> And I hope they're picking up on what we're really describing, and that is because we're talking about a multi-layered thing with vulnerability here. If you're not comfortable to be vulnerable about what you might be wrestling with today, you're never going to be vulnerable enough to go back and talk about what you feel ran over you many days.

[00:50:03]>> That's exactly right. That's absolutely correct. And and this is I'm glad you I'm glad you um laid that out that way because in me going back to deal with the trauma of my past, it's the reason why I can talk about the struggles of my present. M if I didn't reconcile that I don't I'm I'm I'm still a self-conscious soul. I'm not even a self-aware person, right? The reason why I can be so self-aware and present is because of what I went and addressed in my past.

[00:50:35]>> And so and so I'm not self-conscious.

[00:50:37]Self-conscious people spend their entire day conscious of self at the expense of everybody else in the room.

[00:50:44]>> Yeah. A self-aware person is aware of self and therefore once I know where I am, I can attune to everybody else and where they are in the room.

[00:50:57]So that's the first section of the book.

[00:50:59]That's the 10 chapters that I cover and obviously I go into a lot of detail and some there's some nuggets in there and then we have to come out of that and actually do the work. Yeah.

[00:51:10]>> Okay. I broke the silence or I I was vulnerable. I said it.

[00:51:15]Now what? Whether this trauma is macro or micro, there's three stages you have to go through.

[00:51:23]You have to go through safety and stability. You have to go through remembrance. Remembering remembering, right? I I got to remember the parts that have been broken apart.

[00:51:35]>> That's great.

[00:51:37]And then um I have to take all that I remember and I have to integrate it.

[00:51:49]This now has now that it's been remembered, I am now an integrated soul and I can live my life in that regard.

[00:51:56]So let me tell you what that safety and stabil stabilization looks like.

[00:52:01]There's three parts that um I got from a a therapist named Jannina Fischer.

[00:52:08]There's three parts to this safety and stabilization.

[00:52:12]You have to have a safe mind. You have to have a safe body. And you have to have a safe space.

[00:52:21]>> Without those three things, you will never heal.

[00:52:24]You can partially piece together some things, but you first have to have a safe mind.

[00:52:31]Now, this is when I went through this journey, Preston, this was one of the biggest ahas of my life.

[00:52:40]I was never I could be away from LA, right? I always talk about the fact that Cali raised me, but Texas saved me, right? I would not probably be who I am if I still lived in LA just because of the environment.

[00:52:56]I'm out of LA.

[00:52:59]I'm away from danger.

[00:53:02]Um, but if my mind doesn't feel safe, I'm out of LA, but LA is not out of me.

[00:53:12]>> Yeah.

[00:53:13]>> So, I have to have a safe mind.

[00:53:17]And you can't have a safe mind without it being renewed.

[00:53:23]So there has to be a rewiring of my brain.

[00:53:27]The stuff I used to reach for to cope with is no longer a viable option.

[00:53:34]>> Mhm.

[00:53:35]>> I can keep going back to it all I want.

[00:53:36]>> Right.

[00:53:37]>> I won't be married.

[00:53:39]Right. I won't have a great friendship with you. I can keep going back to it all I want to. What am I willing to risk? Right? What am I willing to give up as a result? I'm not giving up my piece for that. Right? But but but my mind has to be safe from myself. I can't have my mind playing tricks on me.

[00:54:02]Shout out ghetto voice. Um so I got to have a safe mind and then my body has to be safe.

[00:54:12]I I can't be in traum traumatizing environments. My body has to be safe or it won't start to heal.

[00:54:22]>> And then the space the spaces I occupy have to be safe as well. Now, >> you mentioned this in the in the in the uh previous episode that we did, and there was just we could that that could have been a three-hour pod, and I'm like, we got to do a part two, so let me let some stuff pass, right? Um, but I but when I talk about safe body and a safe space, that doesn't mean that you're fragile.

[00:54:50]Fragile.

[00:54:51]Your safe mind, your safe body, and your safe space.

[00:54:57]This is the place where you do your recovery so you can go outside and function in a real world.

[00:55:06]This is not to not to hide you from humanity. Well, I can't, you know, that's I you know, um I'm not going to keeping your peace doesn't mean avoiding humanity.

[00:55:25]You you you you grow to have a safe mind, a safe body, and in in safe spaces so that you can handle dangerous ones.

[00:55:35]It's great.

[00:55:37]>> So that you can be in spaces that are not as safe, but you don't disregulate as a result >> because I've been conditioned in the spaces that are safe. So I can be in a in a space that's not ideal.

[00:55:50]>> I don't have to run out the door, right?

[00:55:52]>> Cuz you're not going to trigger me, right? I'm a big boy. Let's be big boys and big girls, right? We all got that little little Timmy is still there.

[00:56:00]8-year-old Timmy cannot drive my car >> for sure. A Timmy can sit 8-year-old can sit in the He can Uber. He can Uber with me. He He's a Ubered passenger, right?

[00:56:10]He has to be backseat passenger.

[00:56:12]>> I don't ever want to lose him.

[00:56:14]>> I'm not going to lose Timmy.

[00:56:15]>> I can't ever be led by him.

[00:56:16]>> Timmy can't drive my court.

[00:56:19]>> I ain't going to lose him, but I ain't going to be led by him.

[00:56:21]>> Timmy, you are safe.

[00:56:23]Timmy, you are seen. You are heard. You are known. You are loved.

[00:56:28]Everybody loves you here. I love you.

[00:56:31]I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at you for picking up porn, Timmy. You did what you did to survive. You're a resilient little boy. I can't believe You could have >> You could have ODed on some pills.

[00:56:44]You could have got a gun.

[00:56:45]>> You could have picked up that gun.

[00:56:46]>> You could have picked up that gun >> and and shot back.

[00:56:49]>> Mhm.

[00:56:50]>> Little Timmy.

[00:56:52]The fact you went and medicated.

[00:56:55]>> You went and self-medicated so you could try to regulate.

[00:56:58]That's impressive for a person that had no tools.

[00:57:02]Golly, porn got you through.

[00:57:09]It's not good for me, though.

[00:57:13]What? What? What? What? What? What? What was adaptive for you at 12 is maladaptive at 22.

[00:57:19]>> What kept you from hurting anyone else at 12 was hurting you beyond anything you could understand at 12.

[00:57:26]>> And I will not let you ruin my adulthood. M playing with the toys of my youth.

[00:57:32]When I was a child, I thought like a child. I spoke like a child. I behaved like a child. But when I became a man, I put away those childish things. Pres, I still love porn.

[00:57:47]My I connected to that when I was 12.

[00:57:51]>> Before I had the touch of a woman, before I had the embrace of my wife, I had porn of masturbation. So there's still a part of me that has that phantom itch for it on a stressful day that has a phantom itch for but then I'm like that's not >> that's not going to do us any it >> at the end of that what >> right >> I can wait for Juliet she she would love to connect with me so the we're fine >> we we can wait the life is not we're okay we're gonna be all Right. Like peace.

[00:58:30]Peace will have you looking at your addiction differently.

[00:58:35]>> It's great.

[00:58:35]>> Oh, I know why you did that. I have massive amounts of empathy for you as a result of that. I have to start streaming to the top of MY LINE. I BIND IT IN THE NAME OF JESUS. I BIND IT. I MEAN, MAN, some of those prayers sound disregulated.

[00:58:49]>> Yeah.

[00:58:50]>> You know what I mean? It's like I I want to I want to maintain the peace of God that passes all understanding. So, you want to have a safe mind, you want to have a safe body, you want to have a safe space. That's the only way you can truly heal. And and once you have those things, now we got to remember how many times in the Old Testament does God tell the children of Isra >> to remember?

[00:59:17]>> One of my favorite words.

[00:59:18]>> And he doesn't just tell them to remember the good. He tells them to remember their trauma. Remember how bound up you were in Egypt before I came and took you out. Remember, don't you ever forget that.

[00:59:34]>> Don't you ever forget that. You better remember it because when you get over to this promised land and you and all this freedom, don't forget where you came from. So remembering is important.

[00:59:48]Remembering can be painful.

[00:59:49]>> Yeah.

[00:59:50]>> And it's okay. But we have to be brave enough. It's great >> to remember the things that pained us.

[00:59:56]>> Yes.

[00:59:57]>> Cuz if we don't face it, >> it will chase us down.

[01:00:00]>> Yeah.

[01:00:01]>> I do not want the memories of my past breathing down my neck.

[01:00:04]>> Yeah.

[01:00:05]>> Only for me to turn around and look down and go, Timmy.

[01:00:11]Little 8-year-old punking me as an adult cuz I don't want to go face what happened to you. No, let me grab you by the hand. Let's go back into the garage where >> almost said his name. Let's go back into the garage where where it first happened.

[01:00:25]>> This is not scary anymore.

[01:00:29]>> This is not scary anymore.

[01:00:32]That man couldn't harm you. He did harm you. I validate that you were harmed. It left scars. It It crossed your wires.

[01:00:43]You You didn't know up from down.

[01:00:46]>> You refuse to let him harm you anymore.

[01:00:48]>> You don't have to be scared of him no more. You don't have to be afraid of him.

[01:00:52]>> He can't do nothing to you. We're good.

[01:00:55]We're good.

[01:00:57]Wow.

[01:00:59]>> Let's just wait. Just wait. Because I think especially in situations like this, some think remembering means constantly replaying.

[01:01:13]>> No. Here's the reason why remembering is so important. And um you're getting right to uh integration. So I want I want to take my time.

[01:01:24]Remembering is is not replaying.

[01:01:30]Remembering can be reliving if you don't do your work.

[01:01:35]>> Yeah.

[01:01:36]>> And there's a lot of people thinking they're being vulnerable and they're not.

[01:01:41]>> Yeah.

[01:01:42]>> They're regurgitating.

[01:01:43]>> Yeah. Has a tear been shed while I'm talking about this?

[01:01:49]I've told you some very dark >> things about my childhood and my past.

[01:01:57]Some things that have probably triggered >> some of us watching, right? And and I want to be very very sensitive to that.

[01:02:05]When we're this vulnerable, when we're talking about traumas, it can bring up for you. And you don't have to have have done anything remotely, have been involved in anything remotely close to what I've been involved in.

[01:02:16]>> But there's something about this horizontal confession that will draw up in you. Well, man, I didn't go through that, but my my dad never hugged me. And I'm feeling that absence right now. That That's a real thing. You like like that's a real thing. Don't Well, yeah. Hey, don't minimize that. Don't don't don't you minimize that. I did that with my environmental trauma. And thank God for my life coach who was like, "No, baby, you were never supposed to live life like that."

[01:02:52]Um, you don't want to be a regurgitator.

[01:02:59]Remembering should not be reliving.

[01:03:02]But if you don't go back to the core of that and face it, you will always you won't just remember it, you'll relive it.

[01:03:13]>> Right?

[01:03:15]>> And remembering in the safety of mind, body, and and and space, place allows you to get to integration.

[01:03:26]we remember so that we can neutralize the effects of that memory.

[01:03:34]We got to go back there. And when you first go back there, you are reliving it. You've >> right >> there's it's impossible. The first time you go back, you are reliving it.

[01:03:43]>> But the more you deal with it, the less you relive it and the more you retell it.

[01:03:51]And once you get to the point where remembering and retelling doesn't make you went it doesn't it's not filled with pain.

[01:04:01]That's when you know you're integrated.

[01:04:04]I have now integrated this trauma into my overall story. And I am not what happened to me.

[01:04:11]>> Right?

[01:04:13]>> But that did happen to me. But I'm not what happened. It did happen in the totality. I am 50 and a half years old.

[01:04:24]I cannot live as a hostage to 6 months of my life.

[01:04:31]>> Yeah.

[01:04:32]>> Imagine that.

[01:04:34]>> Imagine my entire life narrative all the time, right? Being built off of an episode in my life.

[01:04:42]>> Six months replayed for 60 years, relived for 60 years. And that's not peace.

[01:04:50]>> We don't we don't remember to relive it.

[01:04:53]We remember it >> as the beginning to understanding what was broken.

[01:04:58]>> Correct.

[01:04:58]>> So that it can begin to heal.

[01:05:01]>> That's right. That's exactly.

[01:05:02]>> You got to be able to go back and look at the little boy and go, >> when you say porn got you through it, it's not grown man Tim saying I excuse what you did.

[01:05:13]>> No.

[01:05:14]>> No. It's it's the grown man saying, "I understand."

[01:05:18]>> Yes, I understand why you did that. I get it.

[01:05:21]>> And even if many others don't, >> yeah, >> you you didn't want to hurt anyone.

[01:05:26]>> That's right.

[01:05:28]>> But in doing so, >> you left me as a man with some habits I never wanted to pick up. You were hurting me and the two of us need to go back to that garage so that I can help you see what was done to you.

[01:05:46]>> That's right.

[01:05:47]>> The way I now see it.

[01:05:48]>> Absolutely correct.

[01:05:50]>> So that >> That's right.

[01:05:52]>> You can no longer keep those habits attached to the grown man. We go back together.

[01:05:59]>> That's right.

[01:06:00]>> That's the when I when you when I hear you say safe space.

[01:06:03]>> Yes.

[01:06:03]>> It's not just having friends in my life.

[01:06:05]safe space for the 8-year-old me.

[01:06:07]>> That's exactly right >> with the 48-year-old me.

[01:06:09]>> That's exactly that. How many of us hate our inner child?

[01:06:12]>> Right.

[01:06:13]>> We cannot forgive ourselves for being promiscuous. We cannot forgive ourselves for all the drugs we did. We cannot forgive ourselves for all the drinking we did. We cannot forgive ourselves for all the violence we inflicted, for the the things we stole.

[01:06:25]>> Right.

[01:06:25]>> People call it the harsh inner critic, but it's really the old man me yelling >> yelling >> at the younger me.

[01:06:33]>> That's right. am being bothered by every mistake the young me made as the result of of some hurt.

[01:06:40]>> Yeah, absolutely. And it's like I I to your point what what I'm going to say to a 8-year-old. You what? You didn't know what the heck you were doing? What am I going to say to a 12-year-old?

[01:06:51]>> A 12-year-old saw a nude body. I was just about to hit puberty.

[01:06:56]You know what I'm saying? Like, okay.

[01:07:01]But where where where it took you and then ultimately took me.

[01:07:07]Nah, we was going to have to address this. So, I've taken little Timmy by the hand. We've gone back in that garage and we were like, "This broke broke can't hurt you anymore."

[01:07:15]>> And back to that room at 12 to go back and go, "Someone else took you into that room at 12."

[01:07:22]But I'm not going to let you >> That's right.

[01:07:24]>> The 12-year-old me keep taking me back.

[01:07:26]>> Absolutely. We're not doing that no more at 52.

[01:07:28]>> No, that can't happen. That can't happen.

[01:07:31]So, so this there's a there's a working out of we got the we got the peace of God that passed all understanding. Jesus promised that I'm going to give you this peace.

[01:07:44]But why why are so many Christians, so many people, not even believers, struggling to be regulated, have a have a very calm nervous system.

[01:08:02]It's because of what all the other stuff clutters.

[01:08:09]I have guns in my house. I live in Texas. No duh.

[01:08:16]If I was a hoarder and I just had an accumulation of things everywhere and then I heard a bump in the night.

[01:08:33]I do myself a deser disservice of reaching my firearm because all of the clutter that I've kept around. And so I could actually go grab what I think is my gun and it might be an iron. I don't know if some had a handle. You know what I mean?

[01:08:51]>> I souls are cluttered.

[01:08:53]>> Yeah.

[01:08:55]>> You don't have to go obtain peace. Like you don't need an external.

[01:09:00]It's already on the inside of you. He's already on the inside of you. But if you don't clear out that clutter, you don't even know that it's right. Oh, I could I could have been reaching for this all this time.

[01:09:11]>> So great. Why the heck?

[01:09:15]I'm on my fifth Red Bull. What? It's been right there the whole time. You just got to remove that clutter out of the way cuz it's too many It's too many things in the middle of that. You can't even see and know that you already have what you I was angry when I found out. Don't do this to me. When when I really understood this piece thing, I was like, "Can I have a doover?

[01:09:45]>> Is there a Delorean available? And is Doc Brown anywhere around?

[01:09:52]Cuz I want a doover." I spent 22 of my 30 years not accessing this piece like I access it now.

[01:10:06]That's horrible.

[01:10:07]>> Yeah.

[01:10:07]>> Why' I do that to me?

[01:10:10]>> It's impossible, >> right?

[01:10:12]>> That it is just impossible to expect.

[01:10:18]>> Emotional clutter eventually always leads to emotional calamity. Yes, it does. And we've got to break this normalization of emotional clutter that it's just, you know, for adults, it's just normal to carry baggage.

[01:10:40]When I travel, I don't check bags.

[01:10:43]>> Huh? Cuz you my twin.

[01:10:46]>> I don't check back.

[01:10:46]>> Huh? I bet you I won't.

[01:10:49]>> That is unnecessary and slow.

[01:10:51]>> I'm not doing it.

[01:10:53]>> We We go to Europe for a week.

[01:10:55]>> I'm not doing it.

[01:10:56]>> I'm not checking back. You are my twin for life.

[01:11:00]>> And while it seems like we're being tongue and cheek, it is a life principle.

[01:11:05]I never want to have so much stuff that I have to carry extra bags with me everywhere I go.

[01:11:12]>> Everything I have is necessary.

[01:11:14]Everything in those bags I need. I'm not bringing stuff that I might want to wear if we go I ain't doing none of that for extra or excess.

[01:11:23]>> I'm not doing that. I I had to preach at a church um in Chicago recently for their 22nd anniversary. And of course, and this is the glory of black church, right? We going to dress to the nines.

[01:11:35]>> Everybody was suited and booted. You know what I had on? The long sleeve version of this waffle sweater, these jeans, and uh a a a sesame color of these shoes.

[01:11:47]>> Sir, that is not the 28-year-old you.

[01:11:49]>> No, it's not. And I had a cumber bun on almost, right? Butterfly, whatever.

[01:11:55]Okay. So, cufflings the whole night.

[01:11:57]>> Hands. Both of us could have fitted at >> the same time >> cuz I had them I had them made. I had them I went to your tailor. I had them made.

[01:12:04]>> Right.

[01:12:05]>> So, um I did three services in that same outfit.

[01:12:11]>> I didn't I didn't bring nothing else. I was there for 40 hours.

[01:12:15]>> Okay.

[01:12:16]Um, afterwards, uh, the executive pastor said, "Uh, I'm working too hard." I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "You came out and did three services in the same outfit, never sweated out of your clothes." I said, "I'm not doing none of that.

[01:12:37]I'm not doing none of that." Now, I'm I'm a demonstrative, >> right, >> ebulliant, >> exhortative, teaching, preaching person, and I'm not doing all that. I brought with me what I needed for my assignment.

[01:12:54]Ain't nobody about to have three different wardrobe changes here.

[01:12:58]I wore some good deodorant. Okay, I'm not sweating out all this stuff. I came to do my assignment and leave. I'm not coming with extra weight.

[01:13:09]the bags I got. I need you can do assignment or you can do circus, but you can't do both.

[01:13:17]The emotional circus is not something I have time for. I don't I don't It doesn't mean I minimize emotions.

[01:13:25]>> No, it's not.

[01:13:26]>> It means there is a measure of unnecessary emotional clutter.

[01:13:30]>> That's right.

[01:13:31]>> Which has accumulated.

[01:13:33]>> That's right.

[01:13:34]>> Due to a lack of dealing with it.

[01:13:36]>> That's right. that I'm I'm not. It creates the circus >> and it robs you of your peace.

[01:13:40]>> This is what I'm saying. It's impossible to ride that roller coaster. And have peace.

[01:13:45]>> It's not sustainable.

[01:13:46]>> The clutter makes it impossible.

[01:13:48]>> That's exactly right.

[01:13:49]>> This is why we've got to >> That's right.

[01:13:52]>> have this right here. And and go, "Hey, >> here's where I am."

[01:13:57]>> Yeah.

[01:13:58]>> Here's what the 48-year-old me is dealing with.

[01:14:00]>> Yes.

[01:14:01]>> Here's what the 8-year-old me >> is dealing with. I'm bringing you in.

[01:14:06]Yep.

[01:14:07]>> And it is my way of saying I'm not checking this bag.

[01:14:11]>> That's right. That's exactly right.

[01:14:13]>> Help me learn how to deal with it.

[01:14:14]>> That's right.

[01:14:14]>> So I can just put it over here.

[01:14:17]>> Absolutely.

[01:14:19]>> Absolutely. If we get everybody to have in the theater of my imagination, if you just have um a carry-on and a backpack, that's how I want people to travel through life after they read this book.

[01:14:32]I I hope they're so unbburdened. I see duffel bags falling. Yeah. Right. I I see those large suitcases like when people go, you know, on a trip and they take almost a coffin with them. You know what I mean? And it's like, um, you don't even need that. You You think, okay, thank you, Holy Spirit. I'm looking at all the clothes people bring thinking that people are going to like commend you.

[01:15:00]You're I wear the same thing almost every day now. And you know, people say, "Man, you look really nice today." I know I do. It's when I picked the outfit, I knew I looked good in it. And I just bought four variations of the same outfit cuz I look good in I can wear a whole bunch of different stuff to impress who, >> right?

[01:15:22]>> I'm creating more baggage for myself to hope I get your attention, >> right?

[01:15:29]And in the same way, >> no thank you. What happened to me doesn't have to go everywhere with me.

[01:15:37]And this is why you're you're not crying because you are here with me acknowledging you there without bringing there.

[01:15:52]Here let me elaborate.

[01:15:54]The first nonprofit I ever started when I started preaching in my 20s, mid20s, like itinerate speaking was called breaking the silence ministries.

[01:16:05]>> It was from KJV um Psalm 947.

[01:16:12]Unless the Lord had been my help, my soul would have dwelt in silence.

[01:16:17]And I wanted to break the silence. I cuz I wanted everybody to not live with the pain and shame of and when you first get saved you got your testimony and we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony blah blah blah right oh that's great and then after two years Preston I was like I'm tired of telling this story and I don't want to be known as the poor guy >> because the gospel is a one-sizefits-all story.

[01:16:51]I I'm grateful to share mine as a portion of the overall gospel story, but I can't beat this drum everywhere I go.

[01:17:04]And I'm not going to turn my wife into the poster child of the woman who stayed with the porn addict. She ain't coming to your conference to teach you how to survive a husband that was addicted to porn. My wife was like, "Boy, you better go handle that. I'm married to an AfroCaribbean. She ain't African-American. They built different.

[01:17:22]Those not the same black." You hear me?

[01:17:25]So, I I don't I'm not going to I'm not about to sit over here.

[01:17:30]The gospel is a much more compelling story. I can take that around the world, right?

[01:17:34]>> I'm not taking my porn message to Singapore. I'll take the gospel and tell you what it did for me, >> but I'm not I'm not about to be the So, so cuz then again I'm reliving it again, >> right?

[01:17:51]>> Instead of retelling it. And so I use it for instances like this. I don't want to teach you about peace and give you a vague overview of my story. Ah, dog. I paid for this one.

[01:18:07]>> Yep.

[01:18:09]>> I've been saved 30 years. I've been in therapy for 28. Y'all can't tell me nothing. And if if I'mma be Paul right now, allow me to be a fool right now as I boast. Right?

[01:18:21]Allow me to be a fool right now as I boast. If I'mma boast about anything, let me tell you what I'm going to boast about. I'mma boast about sitting in a therapist chair for hours and hours and hours and paying thousands of thousands and thousands of thousands, thousands of dollars before y'all knew what narcissists meant. Okay, before you knew what gaslighting meant in the last 5 years, we've gotten these mental health uh words in our nomenclature and we all saying them. I was 28 years ago, I was in a chair finding out what dysregulation meant and what it was doing to my nervous system >> and how I was sabotaging myself by continuing in maladaptive behavior.

[01:19:00]So, yeah. No, I paid for this. That book I paid for that.

[01:19:05]>> And integration is able to retell.

[01:19:10]>> Absolutely.

[01:19:12]>> Without reliving.

[01:19:13]>> I'm not reliving none of this >> in such a way that you know the boundary of Yeah. I I am I'm not going to be >> Yeah.

[01:19:19]>> describing myself at all times. No.

[01:19:22]>> As someone who this is a portion.

[01:19:24]>> Yeah. Absolutely.

[01:19:25]>> But it is nowhere near the whole.

[01:19:26]>> That's exactly right.

[01:19:28]>> And integration is about the whole. It it is if you I want to lead people out.

[01:19:33]I don't want to bleed people out.

[01:19:36]>> That's great.

[01:19:36]>> When Jesus died on the cross, was buried, and rose again, the reason why he was able to give Thomas permission to put your fingers here and then lift up his garment and say, "Put your whole hand here."

[01:19:59]It's cuz he wasn't bleeding.

[01:20:01]>> Yeah, it's great.

[01:20:05]>> We got people thinking they're being transparent. Transparent and vulnerable, >> gushing, >> gushing blood and telling people, "Put it right here." Well, this is biohazardous.

[01:20:16]>> You're contaminating everybody, >> right?

[01:20:19]>> Because that's not a healed wound, >> right?

[01:20:21]>> Show your wounds after they've healed.

[01:20:23]If you're still going through it, >> beware root of bitterness. Nobody goes live in the ICU >> for it defiles many. It's It is biohazardous.

[01:20:32]If you're still bleeding out the bitterness, that's not a testimony.

[01:20:37]>> Nobody goes live in the ICU.

[01:20:39]>> Yeah.

[01:20:40]>> Facebook Live should not I don't want to see your Facebook live if you're in the critical care unit.

[01:20:45]>> Yeah.

[01:20:46]>> While they're changing your sutures. Hey fam, here with nurse Jones. She's just changing my changing the gauze on this open wound. I Nah, fam. Why don't you go ahead and get better? How about you don't do the conference? You just got divorced six months ago. I don't think you should be out here telling people how to survive divorce. It's been less It's It's sub 12 months, fam. Chill. You just got married 3 weeks ago. I don't think you should do a marriage conference yet. I'm pretty sure you I'm pretty sure you got something to say.

[01:21:18]Let two years ago pass first. Let's see if y'all can agree on where the tooth to toothbrush should be the toothpaste should be uh tubed from. Right. I I I wasn't talking about this like this, >> right?

[01:21:32]>> You can't go find it. You You can't go back to my earliest stuff and hear me talking about stuff that I was still trying to process and get out.

[01:21:40]>> That's why this book came out now, >> right?

[01:21:44]>> At 50.

[01:21:46]>> Not at 28.

[01:21:47]>> Not at 35. Not 15 years after it happened.

[01:21:53]>> Yeah.

[01:21:54]>> Four decades.

[01:21:55]>> That's right.

[01:21:56]>> Integration. It just like sanctification. That's right.

[01:21:59]>> There's a once and for all time aspect of sanctification. Absolutely. Then there is the ongoing work ongoing work of sanctification which the Holy Spirit does in us. Yep.

[01:22:08]>> Conforming us in the likeness of Jesus.

[01:22:10]In the same way, integration is a work.

[01:22:13]It is a process. It is >> because there are so many wires. Psalm 39, David says, "Lord," the NLT, "you've made me so wonderfully complex." And then a gangster line in the NLT that I love more than any other translation. He says, "How well I know it."

[01:22:33]>> David was aware he was a man with many wires.

[01:22:36]>> Yes, he did.

[01:22:37]>> And integration takes time because it is the bringing together of all my wires.

[01:22:45]>> That's right. including the ones that got snipped.

[01:22:49]>> That's right. That's so good.

[01:22:53]>> Integration takes time.

[01:22:55]>> It does.

[01:22:55]>> And this book >> and the anointing that's on you to teach this >> wasn't even there 15 years. No.

[01:23:03]>> After it went down, Timmy, >> I was there. I was there 20 years after >> talking about this >> and there was not this oil on this.

[01:23:12]>> Absolutely correct.

[01:23:13]>> It's taken. for such a time as this. It is. It really is.

[01:23:17]>> And it's taken time to be ready for such a time.

[01:23:20]>> Absolutely. It had to be tested. It had to be >> proven. And yeah, um I'll never forget a mentor telling me um take your time before you write your book. He said, "Because it takes a long time for your truth to become the truth.

[01:23:46]And I understand exactly what he meant.

[01:23:48]Stuff that sounds good and we think is true in one season.

[01:23:53]Is it true now? Will it be true then? Right.

[01:24:00]This book, >> this will be true now and later. But I have some things I believed even 10 years ago that I thought were true. They ain't true now. Right? I ain't talking about the word of God.

[01:24:13]>> No, no, no, no.

[01:24:14]>> Maybe the way I thought about the word of God >> or the lens by which you viewed it from.

[01:24:20]Yeah.

[01:24:22]>> Takes a long time before your truth is the truth. And we know the truth is a person and his name is Yeshua. So I I I'm that's what I'm on with this. He he gave us the Holy Spirit to regulate our nervous system.

[01:24:38]And from a regulated nervous system, we can do supernatural things that only God can get glory for.

[01:24:46]But without a re regulated nervous system, you can do all the miracles you want. You will not be okay.

[01:24:53]The power of God which moves through me is so divinely capable of so many things I am not capable of.

[01:25:06]when I don't get in the way.

[01:25:11]>> But I've learned the fastest way for me for my flesh to get in the way of his spirit is a disregulated man.

[01:25:20]>> I can't see straight.

[01:25:22]>> I go right when I should go left.

[01:25:23]>> Correct.

[01:25:24]>> What looks like it's up is actually down.

[01:25:26]>> Correct.

[01:25:27]>> That power in the hands of someone like that is destructive.

[01:25:31]>> It is, man. But power in the hands of one >> who has learned to stay out of the way and to even learn when they're starting to to get in the way to slow down to go not just vertical but horizontal.

[01:25:48]>> That's right.

[01:25:49]>> To bring others in to be honest about where I'm at.

[01:25:52]>> Mhm.

[01:25:52]>> To literally be checking. I I love a safe mind.

[01:25:58]>> Mhm.

[01:25:59]>> Safe body.

[01:26:00]>> Mhm.

[01:26:01]safe space.

[01:26:02]>> That's right.

[01:26:04]>> So that I can remember in such a way that if there are things I never need to go back to and should never go back to, I won't.

[01:26:12]>> That's right.

[01:26:13]>> I remember.

[01:26:14]>> That's right.

[01:26:15]and to the things I never want to go back to and relive again. I can remember without being run over in such a way that integration can be my everyday normal.

[01:26:33]>> Absolutely correct.

[01:26:34]>> And in that kind of environment, the peace of God rules and reigns.

[01:26:39]>> Amen.

[01:26:40]>> It umpires.

[01:26:42]>> That's right. That's right. is really good >> and minds.

[01:26:45]>> Hey man, come on. Amplified.

[01:26:48]>> Look at this. This I remember >> umpiring is crazy.

[01:26:51]>> And literally >> what a visual >> umpiring.

[01:26:53]>> Oh my god.

[01:26:54]>> An umpire's job is to call balls and strikes. And one of the most famous lines an umpire says is >> you're out.

[01:27:05]>> That's nasty.

[01:27:09]>> Well, you're not praying over this. I'm praying over this one. You pray over this. I I want to pray over them, but I also want to pray over the book. This is >> we're not just talking about a book. The reason we go through the pains and I now am learning.

[01:27:23]>> Yes, you are.

[01:27:24]>> Only an idiot wakes up and goes, you know what I feel like doing? I feel like writing a book right now. Like only an idiot does that. And I'd also like to say now that I'm in the middle and understanding all of this, nobody writes a book to make money.

[01:27:38]>> No. No way. This the point of books.

[01:27:41]>> No, no, no, no.

[01:27:41]>> Books are bullets.

[01:27:42]>> Yeah, they are.

[01:27:44]>> Yeah. I'm trying to leave people with a resource. I'm not trying.

[01:27:46]>> Books are bullets, not bounties.

[01:27:48]>> Amen.

[01:27:50]>> That ain't the point.

[01:27:51]>> Amen.

[01:27:51]>> So, we're not trying to push something.

[01:27:54]>> This is I >> We couldn't have talked about it this long if we was pushing it. It It would have been an infomercial.

[01:27:59]>> It would have been an infomercial that everybody would have clicked off of.

[01:28:02]We've been trying to live this.

[01:28:03]>> We're trying to impart this.

[01:28:04]>> That's exactly right.

[01:28:05]>> And in the day in which we're living >> this piece. Yep.

[01:28:10]>> Must not be missing.

[01:28:13]>> Amen.

[01:28:14]>> Amen.

[01:28:15]>> There's no excuse for the child of God.

[01:28:17]>> That's right. I I I absolutely agree.

[01:28:19]>> I give you.

[01:28:20]>> Yeah. If this is what Yeshua gave and you don't have it, woe be unto you. What are you talking about? You're not taking that gift or you want a gift exchange.

[01:28:30]>> May it never be so.

[01:28:31]>> No.

[01:28:31]>> May it never >> May it never be so >> be so.

[01:28:35]>> Well, let me pray. Mhm.

[01:28:37]>> Holy Spirit, thank you for my best friend. Thank you for this message that you've given him. Thank you for not allowing the 28-year-old him to write this book.

[01:28:48]>> Thank you, Jesus.

[01:28:50]>> That book would have helped a few.

[01:28:53]>> It would have been a pamphlet, >> but nowhere near >> Nowhere near >> the number I believe you're going to use.

[01:29:01]>> Not just this book, but this weapon of heaven. Mhm.

[01:29:06]>> to be able to wreak havoc on the kingdom of darkness which is constantly trying to rob us of the peace Jesus gave us.

[01:29:14]>> Mhm.

[01:29:15]>> Holy Spirit, I pray for every one of our brothers and sisters and even those who do not yet know you.

[01:29:21]>> Yes, Lord.

[01:29:23]>> Who feel like they are not sleeping in peace at night?

[01:29:31]Holy Spirit, would you take them on a journey to find this peace >> which has been missing for quite some time? I pray for safe minds >> which are being renewed at all times.

[01:29:51]I pray for safe bodies >> and safe spaces.

[01:29:56]>> Yes, Lord.

[01:29:59]Spirit of the living God, would you heal what is broken?

[01:30:04]Would you restore what's been lost?

[01:30:07]And would you strengthen our conviction to live horizontally?

[01:30:13]>> Mhm. Yes, Lord.

[01:30:15]>> With our brothers and sisters.

[01:30:16]>> Yes, Lord.

[01:30:17]>> Embracing vulnerability.

[01:30:20]>> Yes, Lord.

[01:30:21]>> And the power that comes with it. Mhm.

[01:30:24]And God, I also pray over this book.

[01:30:29]Would you send it out to the hedges and the ledges, >> especially?

[01:30:35]And I do not say this tongue and cheek, Lord. Especially to the ledges where someone's thinking about jumping.

[01:30:44]>> Mhm.

[01:30:45]>> I saw it before you said it.

[01:30:47]>> May they find this peace.

[01:30:49]>> Yes, Lord.

[01:30:51]before they lose their step.

[01:30:56]Holy Spirit, would you invade and would you deliver this post-it note to every home and every heart before the next storms come?

[01:31:11]>> Yes, Lord. May peace be normal >> in the house of God, >> among the family of God. Mhm.

[01:31:20]>> For peace only comes from the son of God.

[01:31:25]>> Yes, God.

[01:31:26]>> Do whatever you want to do with this book. Holy Spirit, we just pray your anointing would be upon it.

[01:31:33]>> Yes, Lord.

[01:31:34]>> In Jesus name.

[01:31:35]>> Jesus name.

[01:31:37]>> Amen.

[01:31:38]>> A amen. The missing piece is out this week.

[01:31:44]To the first 15 people that DM me right now as this comes out. All right. To the first 15 people that hit me up, I'm going to make sure that you get a copy.

[01:31:57]I will send you a copy. All right. This is me sewing into you saying especially for those and I don't want it just to be the first 15 people who want Timmy's next book. I especially want those who are saying I am missing this piece.

[01:32:16]>> Please help me find it. Hit me up on IG in the DMs and I will make sure this post-it note that I believe is from heaven will get on your desk. I love you so much. I love you so much.

[01:32:30]>> I love you so much.

[01:32:31]>> I'm so proud of you.

[01:32:32]>> Thank you, man.

[01:32:33]>> I honor the work you've put into this.

[01:32:35]>> Thank you, bro.

[01:32:36]>> And the diligence with which you prepared to steward this message.

[01:32:40]>> Thank you, bro.

[01:32:41]>> And I pray that heaven opens up over you. And that that God fires you like an arrow from his quiver to every place where a dark cloud, >> amen, >> is resting right now. And as you go in with this message, I pray that the dark cloud not only goes out to the middle of the sea, but I pray that the hearers learn how to make sure when it ever tries to come back, they know exactly what to do.

[01:33:09]>> Yes, sir.

[01:33:10]>> We love you so much. Thanks for hanging out with us.

[01:33:13]>> Go in peace. See you next time.

[01:33:19]Thanks for joining me for this episode of the Leaders Cut. I pray you sense God speak directly and clearly to you through it. Before you leave, would you like this video? And if you haven't already, would you hit the subscribe button? And if you'd like to be notified every time a new episode is posted, just tap the bell icon. If you have a moment, would you just pray and ask the spirit of God if there's anyone in your life that may need to hear this episode? And if there is, would you just send it their way? And I would love it if you would jump into the comment section. And if the Holy Spirit spoke anything to you through this episode, jump into those comments and post your favorite oneliner. I love you so much. I can't wait to see you next time.