How I beat my EATING DISORDER?

[00:00:02][music] [music] [music] [music] >> So, welcome back to the channel. Today is a fantastic day for multiple reasons, in no particular order.

[00:00:38]I've got a 10K run this morning, which is absolutely cool.

[00:00:42]Secondly, it's England versus Argentina this evening.

[00:00:47]>> [screaming and groaning] >> 8:00 p.m. kickoff, absolutely buzzing.

[00:00:50]Come on the boys.

[00:00:52]And thirdly, me and my partner are moving to our permanent business location. We've been currently working in a temporary location. I talked about this, but we're taking the leap and making it full-time. We're both osteopaths.

[00:01:08]We both treat a lot of student things, really.

[00:01:12]Mostly aches, pains, injuries, things like that. My partner also specializes in treating women's health and babies, things like that. But yeah, this is a a real big step in our journey, well, professional journey, so yeah, we're moving to a a proper location that we're renting full-time.

[00:01:28]Yeah, it's going to be really, really cool, so going to bring you every detail so we can carry on the conversation about weight loss or weight optimization, as I'm calling it.

[00:01:40]Yeah, thanks for all the constructive criticism on the last video and positive feedback as well, so that's what this conversation is going to be about, weight and running. Seems like it's always been taboo.

[00:01:52]And I feel like if more people had spoken about it when I was growing up, maybe I would have had different thought processes, but had in recent years. So, hopefully if we carry on talking about it, then less people will be impacted by these sorts of things in the future and [snorts] overall we'll all be better, healthier, faster runners as a result. [clears throat and laughter] Yeah, let's go.

[00:02:15]Have a great day and yeah, hopefully a good vlog. Let's go.

[00:02:22]>> [music] >> So, 10 glorious kilometers done, but just quickly I wanted to address something from the the previous video.

[00:02:31]Obviously I spoke a lot about something that is a relevant can be potentially triggering for some people and some people were also concerned that I was going to get back into like a negative cycle of scales every single day, things like that and that is not the case at all.

[00:02:45]The only time I'm using the scales is on the days where I'm going out for a run and it's going to be extremely hot, like today for example. So, then I will weigh myself before the run and after the run in the exact same kind of clothing sort of status and then I can basically make sure that I get enough fluid, which is about two times the amount that I've lost in weight during that run, if that makes sense. So, if I lose a kilo, I'll drink two kilos of water just for for ease, I suppose. So, the only time I am using a set of scales is kind of for objective [music] reasons and I think actually that's part of the reason why I get into this negative cycle cuz we I I don't know, we make these like tools like a set of scales into this some sort of negative space when if you look at it as like purely objective, I'm looking at how much water do I lose across the run to then make sure that I'm getting enough back in.

[00:03:35]There's no emotion attached to it from from [music] my perspective anyway. But yeah, as soon as we add these negative labels or these negative habits to relatively simple things, I think that's when you start getting into the kind of the negative cycle. [music] That's my perspective on it anyway. So, for me actually getting on a set of scales is I guess part of the healing process. It's part of the understanding there's no correlation to what I see in the mirror every day and the number on the scales and how I feel when [music] I run. They're just separate numbers and maybe just because one number goes up or one number goes [music] down, it's not going to necessarily have a direct impact on my performance. It's about teaching those if anything better habits. And I think also realizing there is no one size fits all approach to this sort of thing.

[00:04:12]Everybody [music] has different issues and different I guess thoughts and beliefs behind [music] it. So, we've got to treat them separately is is my honest opinion.

[00:04:22]I'd like to thank the sponsors of today's video, [music] Runna v 8.

[00:04:26]These guys. So, obviously I've been injured for a little while, about 12 weeks of [music] little to no running, but I'm back in sessions now which means I can get at what I've actually been able to try the pre-race performance. [music] So, what's different to like your standard sort of caffeine product is it's got citrulline malate in it. [music] Now, citrulline malate is a lot of the benefits of say a beetroot nitrate booster but without actually having to have beetroot juice which is fab >> [music] >> because don't like the taste. I don't like what it does to the color of my urine. So, citrulline malate allows me to have that sort of same blood vessel dilation benefits which is fab. Plus the caffeine, I'm an absolute caffeine addict. I have to race and do my whole sessions with caffeine or it just means that I don't feel like I'm there. So, yeah. Runna v 8, use the link in the description and use the code Cole10 if you'd like 10% off.

[00:05:12]>> [music] >> It really helps the channel. I do get a small kickback but as always any money that's made from these sorts of [music] things is invested back into the channel, back into racing, and back into my training as well. So, thanks for for listening and uh yeah, thank you to Runna v 8 as well. So, welcome back.

[00:05:25]It's now a couple days on since the last clip that you saw because I finished setting up the clinic with my partner Kayleigh and we then went and watched the football.

[00:05:35]England versus Argentina.

[00:05:37]Enough said really. Anyway, we're we're now back in my hometown today.

[00:05:43]I I can't cuz I'm visiting my family this weekend. So, the king is back. So, I'm just going to announce this is a 10K and I want to kind of delve into a bit more of the nitty-gritty.

[00:05:56]Let's continue this when I'm not by a main road.

[00:05:59]>> [music] [music] >> So, we're going to talk a little bit more in depth about my history with disordered eating in the sport, some of the steps I took to hopefully overcome it. I feel >> [laughter] >> amazing and I have done for ages with my relationship with food.

[00:06:28]But essentially, I don't know how much I went into this in the last video, but the main thing that I struggled with was binge eating. I would get into a cycle of restricting so heavily and then eating copious amounts of food to the point where I'd make myself feel like nauseous almost and I have absolutely no idea why. It felt like just something that I could not control.

[00:06:48]It felt like this impulse.

[00:06:50]And obviously there's so many negative side effects of doing that because obviously you're going to gain weight, but also mentally you're going to feel dreadful.

[00:07:02]You're going to feel sluggish the next day.

[00:07:04]Everything would just feel disgusting.

[00:07:07]And to be honest, one of the things that I felt kind of triggered me for one of a better phrase or set me into the cycle was a mirror. Not so much a scale.

[00:07:17]Wasn't a number that I would see on the scales. It was always when I looked at myself in the mirror. You'd see all these athletes at the top races and and yes, they're not necessarily ripped.

[00:07:28]They're just extremely lean and I felt like I was always comparing to that sort of body figure. I guess it's that kind of social media effect, but even when I went out to train, you'd see these super lean guys.

[00:07:40]I wanted to be like that.

[00:07:42]And it would just send me into these negative spirals.

[00:07:46]And I guess that would lead to emotional eating, essentially.

[00:07:49]And then I decided enough was enough. I didn't want to feel like that anymore.

[00:07:53]So, I happened to bump in to a hypnotherapist through a networking thing I was doing for work.

[00:08:01]And she explained that she'd helped or worked with people with disordered eating in the past. So, I was like, "You know what?

[00:08:08]Let's give this a go." So, then I started attending these hypnotherapy sessions, which to be honest, when I first kind of booked one in, I was expecting this sort of Little Britain "Look into my eyes, into my eyes, not around the eyes, in the eyes. You'll order off the set menu."

[00:08:24]Like that sort of approach, going into a trance, almost.

[00:08:27]It wasn't like that. It was a lot more I don't know, scientific.

[00:08:32]Which I don't know, I'm quite an objective person, so I liked that a lot. And it was it was all about teaching me the link between say what your beliefs lead to feelings, lead to actions, etc., etc. Why do certain things make me feel a certain way?

[00:08:49]And almost like rewiring my cognition or my thought process around those things.

[00:08:55]So, thinking what Why did I need to be kind of like an absolute stick beam, say like Mo Farah? So, yeah, it taught me a lot about my beliefs, how they impact my feelings, which then how they impact my actions.

[00:09:06]And just really trying to help rewire that cognitive process.

[00:09:11]And understanding why I thought the way I did.

[00:09:13]And that seemed to have a really healthy impact on my relationship with food going forward from that point on. So, although those sessions were 100 pounds a go, they were definitely worth it, because it even though they didn't fully fix the problem, it I felt like it gave me the skills to fix the problem.

[00:09:33]Which I think is so important. So, then I started to look at my ability to eat lots of food as a bit more of a superpower.

[00:09:40]And then all I needed to change necessarily was the type of food I was eating. Like if I have some kind of a long run, then I can eat a ton of food.

[00:09:48]Why not make that food nutrient dense, high fiber, high protein, like good carbs, good healthy fats, etc. That becomes like an absolute superpower because then I'd have a high tolerance to training and a high ability to fuel that [music] training and life.

[00:10:06]So I just started to change my whole mindset around it. So yeah, then the high mileage approach was born cuz it always felt up to that point that I was picking between my two the two loves of my life, food and running. But suddenly when I was in high mileage, I could eat the food that my body needed and the food that my body wanted.

[00:10:26]Those things that you're not meant to have, the unhealthy foods, quote unquote. So yeah, it just changed how I felt and that's how I felt.

[00:10:36]Like I enjoyed the training, I was fueling the training adequately. And yeah, everything was just running both PBs.

[00:10:41]Obviously when I ran at London, yeah, it all felt really good. So then this has led to a much healthier comeback comeback from injury that I've had to do over the recent weeks to months. And I guess that's why I'm making this series is because I'm trying to show that you can beat these things.

[00:10:59]They're not permanent, they're not debilitating for life. You can conquer them and I'll give you an example of how my mindset has changed in recent years. So obviously I've been injured with a stress response, but they've only gone and built a bloody Domino's Pizza about 30 m from my house.

[00:11:18]So when that opened, I must have I don't know, I must have had three to five Domino's takeaways over the course of about seven to 10 days.

[00:11:28]So yeah, a large amount. I let my body have what it was craving and then I haven't had it since. So, it's been now, I don't know, 3 4 weeks.

[00:11:37]I haven't felt the need to have it because I just I gave my body what it wanted, and yes, that wasn't necessarily the healthy the healthiest option that I could have gone for, but for my relationship with food has healed so much that now I can do that without feeling guilty because I've adopted this mindset that it's better to be consistently good than occasionally perfect. I suppose. The main cool message I received is about hey Carl, how how was your relationship with food during How did you How did you overcome this sort of negative mindset around food, etc.?

[00:12:08]And to be honest, I don't have the answers, but I do know that I guess I just kept trying, didn't give up, and eventually, when you least expect it, something will click into place and it will work out.

[00:12:20]I know that sounds cliche and a bit like waiting for to win the lottery, I suppose. Yeah, there was no magic pill.

[00:12:28]There was just support around me, maybe some professional help as well, try and cut out some of the noise that you see online about these influencers going out and having their Buddha bowls 7 days a week cuz it's just not reality.

[00:12:41]You're allowed [ __ ] food. Your body will want good good food, but sometimes it will want [ __ ] food as well. So, one of the key things that I've taken away from working with my nutritionist, Tom, [music] and obviously there's so much more that goes beyond the surface with this, um so much more nuance and personalization to me, but there's two rules with with running fueling. The first rule is eat, and the second rule is eat well, and never let rule number two trump rule number one.

[00:13:05]If all you've got is something that isn't super nutritionally nutritious, that's your only option, eat it cuz eating anything is better than eating nothing. Within reason, obviously, don't go eating a super spicy curry right before a run, but you get the gist. If all you've got is a Kit Kat before a run, have the Kit Kat. Don't fast or starve your body of fuel just because you don't think it's nutritionally dense. And I thought that was a really cool little message, I suppose. So, anyway, that's 10K easy done. Tomorrow I'm doing the parkrun.

[00:13:33]Now I'm back home in Wiswell for the weekend, so that'll be interesting. A few weeks ago I did a parkrun back in Bury St Edmunds and I ran 17:15. So, any improvement on that would be absolutely lovely, but that'll be the next video.

[00:13:45]Anyway, thanks for tuning in. Have a lovely week. Have a lovely weekend. And yeah, drop your comments down below if you have any opinions on this, as I know some of you will.

[00:13:54]Take care.