Don't Make a Bucket List. Make a Reverse Bucket List.

[00:00:00]The other thing that that you've espoused that I think is really valuable, uh the the uh reverse bucket list.

[00:00:07]>> Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[00:00:08]>> Tell the Tell the kids what that is.

[00:00:10]>> Arthur Brooks on Twitter, January 10th, 2025. I used to have a bucket list. Now, I have a reverse bucket list. This is where I take my worldly cravings, desires, and ambitions. These dumb trivial desires. I write them down on my birthday and I cross them out. Not because I'm not going to get them, but because I want to manage those cravings and desires. When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire. When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal.

[00:00:34]>> Strivers. This is what strivers need to do. So, >> I've incorporated it, legitimately.

[00:00:38]>> it working for you?

[00:00:39]>> Yeah, but between that and the and the uh the low neuroticism and rumination, I'm I'm sitting alone. I'm basically a shut-in. I've no personality. I've no interest. I've no >> So you think. And part of the reason is cuz you defined your personality on the basis of your pathology, which is a lot what a lot of people do.

[00:00:57]A lot of people actually do that.

[00:00:58]They'll find They think their personality is They'll define their personality with respect to the things that are wrong.

[00:01:04]And and you have to re- understand who you are as a person. You're actually an incredibly interesting person. You're not You're not less interesting because you're mess You're less messed up.

[00:01:14]On the contrary.

[00:01:14]>> No, I actually don't think I am. I'm I'm joking that like I'm not I But I find it is I'm just I'm more like, "Wow, this is interesting."

[00:01:22]>> Yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. And and and a lot of people are very uncomfort- They're very uncomfortable with their level of comfort.

[00:01:28]>> It's also disconcerting.

[00:01:30]>> Yeah, yeah.

[00:01:31]You know when you're changing? For sure.

[00:01:33]When your personality is changing?

[00:01:35]Um people when their personality changes in midlife will find they can't sign their names on checks in a way that convinces their bank.

[00:01:43]It's so weird, isn't it?

[00:01:44]>> I I That's funny. I signed something There was that thing now where you can do it with your finger.

[00:01:49]>> Yeah.

[00:01:49]>> And it'd always take me a few tries cuz I'm like, "No, that That's not me.

[00:01:52]That's not it. It's just I don't want that >> it.

[00:01:54]>> on the on the record."

[00:01:55]>> I know. I know. I know. I know. So, the the the reverse bucket list is the idea that, you know, we want to motivate ourselves by experiencing, by simulating a little bit of the of the achievements, of meeting the desires that we have deep in our hearts for the worldly rewards in our lives. So, I want to see this person, I want to experience that, I want to bungee jump off the Mekong Delta, I want to meet the President of the United States, I want to make my first billion, whatever happens to be, whatever your thing is, right? I want to get a Ferrari, something like that. And then you think about it, and you what you're doing is you're eliciting a little bit of the dopamine, which is the anticipation of reward, and that's supposed to program into you, it's supposed to kind of manifest in the universe, which is really trying to >> You're anticipating the the reward.

[00:02:42]>> The reward.

[00:02:42]>> You're anticipating a little bit of the reward, getting a taste of the reward.

[00:02:45]>> do this, I'm going to feel >> Yeah, and I got a little taste of that, and then you're what you're trying to do with that bucket list is say, okay, I got that taste, and now I want the real thing, and it'll set you in search of it, and it will, by the way. It really will motivate you, but it won't make you happy.

[00:02:56]>> Unconsciously.

[00:02:57]>> Yeah, yeah, because all manifestation is is changing your own directionality. All it is is changing your behavior.

[00:03:03]>> So, you believe in manifestation in a in a way. Like, there is some neuroscientific basis for manifestation.

[00:03:08]>> very clear in the research that manifestation, which some goofy thing about the the the universe changing and >> to make a billion dollars teach a manifestation class based on neuroscience and only on TikTok.

[00:03:21]You're going to have to change your phone number. You're going to be so rich.

[00:03:24]>> I'm not I'm not doing that.

[00:03:25]>> [laughter] >> But, the problem with that is it doesn't raise your happiness.

[00:03:30]And [clears throat] the reason is because you are also programming into your brain that satisfaction will come when you have more.

[00:03:36]And that gets back to the old booze problem. Like, I'm finally going to be satisfied. I'm finally going to have enough sexual partners. I'm finally going to have enough, you know, rounds at the blackjack table.

[00:03:47]I'm finally going to have enough time on, you know, looking at Instagram reels. You're not. You're not, because that's not how the brain works. The brain is completely insatiable for that.

[00:03:56]So, what you're suggesting to yourselves is satisfaction comes from having more.

[00:04:00]Real satisfaction comes from not from feeding your animal impulses. Mother Nature's lying to you because you're you need to make that mistake to stay in the hunt. So, your ancestors, the ancient Brennans, believed that they could finally have enough if they actually did more more more more more. And that's what kept them in the hunt and that's why you're alive today. But, that didn't make them happy because Mother Nature doesn't care.

[00:04:22]>> It's so funny cuz it's all based on no refrigeration.

[00:04:26]>> Like, it's so like, guys, we have to update this.

[00:04:29]>> [laughter] >> We have to.

[00:04:32]>> But, and so, here's here's the updating mechanism. You can choose not the animal impulse that's incorrect, but the moral aspiration that you desire. The great human prefrontal cortex, this meaty bulb of tissue in the front of your head, 30% of your brain by way. Your dog doesn't have it. Your dog only has animal impulses. You have the choice of moral aspirations in which you stand up to your animal impulses and you do it all the time. You're married a long time.

[00:04:57]You But, you're you go on tour and, you know, you could do all kinds of misbehavior according to your animal impulses.

[00:05:04]>> And and you don't because you don't want to do that because you've chosen to forego immediate immediate gratification for long-term outcomes that you find are morally superior and more satisfying for the for your life. And what you're basically saying is this, I don't need to increase my haves. I need to decrease my wants.

[00:05:24]Your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants. That's a better model for long-term satisfaction.

[00:05:29]And if you increase the numerator, have more have more have more have more, it's very evanescent. It's it's that's the hedonic treadmill.

[00:05:37]>> Yeah.

[00:05:37]>> If you decrease the denominator, it's mathematically as well as psychologically more enduring.

[00:05:43]And so, and the reverse bucket list is is lowering your wants.

[00:05:46]>> How do you quiet the voice that says like you're lazy?

[00:05:52]>> Yeah. Um you're never going to quiet that voice. What you [clears throat] have to do is stand up to that voice.

[00:05:58]Let it yell, man.

[00:06:00]Bring it on.

[00:06:01]I can stand up to that. That's what it comes down to. And everybody thinks that we need to quiet a voice that's bothering us. No, we need to bear up against the voice that's bothering us.

[00:06:12]You know, it's the same thing. If you have back pain, don't try to get rid of your back pain. Learn to live with your back pain. Manage it, but learn to live with it. If you're sad, don't try to eradicate your sadness. It exists for a reason. Learn about what it is, observe it, manage it, and live with it. That's the important way to actually get through life. And the same thing is true with these obtrusive, intrusive messages about who we are as people. They say, "Oh yeah, that's that's my little friend, little Neil."

[00:06:40]Yeah.

[00:06:40]>> Wasn't he saying Rodney Dangerfield of all people did a joke about this before he was like a no respect guy? He had a joke about like >> I wake up the precious pressure to heaviness is waiting for me now is the heaviness. And sometimes I even talk to it. I'll say, "Hi heaviness."

[00:06:54]>> I'm sure he was depressed.

[00:06:56]>> He was absolutely He was absolutely >> And you know, my my my life, I'm sure yours too, is one disappointment after another. Not about the things that other people are doing. On the contrary, people thrill me with their brilliance and their bravery and their moral uprightness and their kindness every single day. It's me.

[00:07:15]I'm a disappointing person for me.

[00:07:17]>> I I say no one's disappointed me or lied to me more than I have.

[00:07:21]>> Totally. Totally.

[00:07:23]But I have to recognize that that's a voice inside my head that says, "Maybe if you work a little harder, somebody will love you."

[00:07:28]You didn't earn it. Go earn it. Go earn it, buddy.

[00:07:32]That's the little voice that says that, that actually starts from where we what we talked about.

[00:07:36]>> living this? That's the thing is I I That >> Neil, that's why I'm going to mass every day.

[00:07:42]That's the reason that I pray my rosary with my wife every day. For help me [ __ ] do this. Help me understand what is the nature of this and what is the truth. I want the truth.

[00:07:55]I don't mind the fact that I'm imperfect cuz we all are.

[00:08:00]But I do not want to be guided in my life by the lies and imperfection. I want the truth notwithstanding what's actually going inside my head.

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