My Dentist Gave Me a Panic Attack | Jason Love FULL SPECIAL

[00:00:00]I went to get a deep teeth cleaning, whatever that is. And I'm not big with needles in the first place. And this needle entered the room before he did.

[00:00:11]Like, oh, you have my attention. And he goes, you're just going to feel a little pinch. Little pinch. Liar. Liar.

[00:00:19]I lost feeling from here up.

[00:00:22]I had a friend take me around. He took me to Lake River bottom. Lake bottom.

[00:00:27]>> River bottom.

[00:00:27]>> River bottom. And it sounded like it would be the poor section.

[00:00:33]I'm looking around going, "So, this is what it would look like had I made better choices."

[00:00:40]This could be me. And it's good. I perform on cruise ships most of the year, so it's good to be back in civilization.

[00:00:49]I'm telling you, man. We went we went to uh I went out of Florida. We went to the Caribbean. Hurricane ripped them all apart every place we were going. and they wouldn't take us back to Florida.

[00:01:00]So, we did a landing pattern in the Bermuda Triangle.

[00:01:05]And then they drop us at an uh little island. Had no name. Wasn't on the map, no roads. Tom Hanks comes out. Wilson.

[00:01:19]It's crazy. Have you seen a modern cruise ship next to the Titanic? It's twice. It was 18 stories tall. It was TW two Titanics. It's crazy. Yeah. Well, there's there's no 13th. They never count the 13th there. Like hotels.

[00:01:33]Superstitious.

[00:01:35]It's so stupid. Like the people on the 14th floor don't know where they are.

[00:01:41]I don't know what's happening, man.

[00:01:44]Yeah. The other good thing about uh being home is uh when you're on a ship, just basic things we all take for granted. 5G Wi-Fi service falling out of the sky for nothing. Are you kidding me?

[00:01:56]Oh, tell you. And then we went to a um a Trader Joe's. You have Trader Joe's here, right?

[00:02:03]>> Yeah. I'm like, what? Everything I ever wanted in one place. U we got uh I got banana. I get bananas cuz they they chill out my stomach and then I throw away nine out of 10. I mean, you buy them in case you want bananas in that five minute window when they're actually good.

[00:02:23]I think that's all banana bread is, just people trying to salvage a bad investment.

[00:02:31]Think of all the things we do to keep bananas going. You You put little shower caps on them and you hang them upside down in the dark, not next to other fruit. You can't travel with them. They bruise.

[00:02:43]How fragile are you? I yelled at my wife the other, "Hey, honey." She's like, "Sh, the bananas."

[00:02:52]Yeah. You want to know what fruit is hard up? It's the apples. Look at the Look at Just look at the names of the apples. That's That's shows you. It's um We went there. It was Ambrosia.

[00:03:03]Uh Pink Lady, Cameo. Are these your dancer names?

[00:03:10]The only honest apple in that whole bunch. Granny Smith.

[00:03:16]Green is sour. Get off my Yeah. When I was a kid, my mom wouldn't let me eat sugar, which is child abuse, right? My friends were having Captain Crunch and Cocoa Puffs. I had to sit down to shredded wheat. Not the cute ones with the frosted tips, bales of hay, just, you know. It's all right, Mom.

[00:03:41]I'll just mash in the rotting bananas.

[00:03:44]More, please. More.

[00:03:49]We'd get shredded wheat for breakfast and then at night she'd turn around and serve spam.

[00:03:55]>> Right. I'm like, do you care about us or not? What?

[00:03:59]We don't even know what's in spam.

[00:04:02]Whatever didn't make it into the hot dog.

[00:04:06]I mean, they leave the slime right in there. What does it matter? Just no expiration date. Best if not used.

[00:04:13]Really, you know, all the the email in your junk folder at home. There's a reason they call that spam.

[00:04:27]The other thing I got to do before I get back on another ship is I got to go back to the dentist. I had a panic attack. I always thought that I was having panic attacks, but when you have one, it's it's a lot like dying. It feels more like dying. I went to get a deep teeth cleaning, whatever that is. And I'm not big with needles in the first place. And this needle entered the room before he did.

[00:04:50]Like, oh, you have my attention.

[00:04:52]And he goes, "You're just going to feel a little pinch. Little pinch. Liar.

[00:04:57]Liar.

[00:04:58]I lost feeling from here up.

[00:05:01]I can't feel my face when I'm with you."

[00:05:06]And the whole time the assistant is like waterboarding me.

[00:05:12]Tell me your secrets.

[00:05:14]I haven't flossed since the last time you did it.

[00:05:22]And then I went to swallow and this is where it got bad. Like the Yeah, the Novacane closed up my throat and then the the epinephrine was working my heart and the last thing I remember was grabbing chest hair.

[00:05:37]She was pissed.

[00:05:43]I am married to a woman in case she made a bet.

[00:05:47]You're definitely down, bro. $20 here.

[00:05:53]Yeah. Her name is Pat. She lives in Canada. You don't know her.

[00:05:59]My dad was a football player and a mechanic. So imagine his delight.

[00:06:06]I don't know what's happening up here. I like I look like a failed youth pastor.

[00:06:13]Backstreet boy who doesn't know it's over. What's happening?

[00:06:19]So we're married. We have married people in the house.

[00:06:23]How long you guys been married?

[00:06:25]>> 30 years.

[00:06:26]>> 30 years. And it's a half. Look at it.

[00:06:27]You're still touching. It's a happy 30.

[00:06:30]Sometime people have been married 30 years, but they've been ticked off for 28. But not not you, man. That's good.

[00:06:37]Yeah, you guys get we get along pretty well. We get we get along well. The only I don't know. You know what I keep getting in trouble with is the um using the voice dictation. Like I'll dictate and then I won't you know, you got to give it a proof read. Take a minute at the end, give it a little proof read. Uh she asked, my wife asked where I was and I go, "I'm on lost siaga." My phone changed it to I'm on last booty call.

[00:07:01]Yeah, it wasn't my first one. I was wrapping them up.

[00:07:06]I sent her another one. Morning chickity. Morning chubby.

[00:07:10]Yeah, like I'm so sorry. I dig your sister. What's happening?

[00:07:16]Out of control, man.

[00:07:18]You know, the only time we we play fight a lot, but it's never real. The only time it's real is around the temperature in the house. we can't get on that same page. And Alexa, she's caught in the middle of the whole thing.

[00:07:33]Like, Alexa, put it back to 70°. My wife's like, "Don't you do that, Alexa.

[00:07:38]Looking for marriage counselors in your area."

[00:07:44]I don't know. We get uh I here's Can I share this? We go on a day trip. 6 hours we're gone. And she leaves the air conditioner on so when we get back she doesn't have to start over.

[00:07:57]Is it just me? Are you with your wines and you can't say anything?

[00:08:03]I don't know. I'm a comedian. I, you know, I I got to watch my pennies. You know, I got a bill was 300 bucks for one month of Edison. I'm like, honey, I'm not that funny.

[00:08:16]We get a we got a car specifically because we would have our own temperature. I get mine, she gets hers, you know, and they're so far apart.

[00:08:26]There's like a weather front developing in the middle.

[00:08:30]I lost communication. Wilson.

[00:08:34]And then at night, this is this is the one that I'm worried about because I might not be able to sleep in the same bed as my wife cuz she has a fan every night. the fan. She has a travel fan. I don't get a break at the hotel. Is that you? And And what do you do, man? What do you do?

[00:08:49]>> I'm just used to it now.

[00:08:50]>> You're used to it? I can't do it. I've been put I put a hat on my head like on top of my head. You know when you blow in a dog's face and that's me all night, every night. So, what I started doing lately is building a wall of pillows between us.

[00:09:10]Block a current of air in my own house.

[00:09:12]Like so really romantic. So what are you wearing?

[00:09:17]Chubby.

[00:09:21]Now I've been with my wife 15 years now.

[00:09:24]Yeah. The the trick I think is you keep dating. If you keep dating, you you'll be okay. We did um she likes she does her little wine tasting things and we did that. I know this is dry bar comedy, but you know I I I played along. I don't really drink much, but the the wine drinking was fine. There was the guy do with the faces that I don't know. He wasn't He didn't work there. He's like Bob from accounting.

[00:09:48]You know, this one's very muscular. I'm getting pump. It's a little oy. You I'm on my third glass going, "Mine tastes like purple.

[00:10:02]Purple savon."

[00:10:04]Yeah. And by the way, you know how painting or you know they do the wine tasting and it's never enough anymore.

[00:10:10]They've got to package it with something. They wanted us to go hot air ballooning.

[00:10:15]You're a little ambitious. Have you been, man? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Me either. Ever. Yeah. I I've been sky. You probably ski. Look at this. We got the whole JV baseball team here. What's going on? You're not all in this. Are you the dad of all? Are you the coach?

[00:10:30]>> No, I'm the dad.

[00:10:31]>> You're the dad of all. You sired all these children.

[00:10:34]>> No.

[00:10:36]>> Oh, just these two. And are you are you strays? Do they pull you in? Did they take in?

[00:10:40]>> That's good. You guys have all your superpowers. Look at you, man. Yeah. So, you know, I've been skydiving, bungee jumping. I'm not getting in a hot air balloon. It doesn't look good when they're doing it right. It's just It's a giant balloon with fire exploding and a little picnic basket full of people.

[00:11:06]What could go wrong? Oh, I don't know, honey. A breeze.

[00:11:12]A 12-year-old with a drone. Do the math.

[00:11:15]Come on.

[00:11:18]Yeah, we're not doing that. I um I don't know. I feel for her. She married into this whole life, you know. I don't uh I don't fix things. I'm not a fix it guy.

[00:11:26]I We have at home these tall it's a tall ceiling with the little flying saucer bulbs in them. And we walk in one night and the last one finally pops. We just stood there together like, "Oh no."

[00:11:40]She goes, "So, what do you want to do?

[00:11:43]Move?"

[00:11:46]Call Spider-Man. It's 50 ft in the air, man. Our neighbor Joe fixed the lights.

[00:11:52]So, Joe's now the man of our house.

[00:11:58]He's like the son my dad thought he was going to have. You know, he's got a beard and he like you, man. They got the hat, the glasses on his hat and and he and he's got this old Mustang and I know it's a Mustang cuz he tells me every time I see him, best car ever built.

[00:12:12]Mustang. Best car ever built. Like then why are you always fixing it, man? You know, I got a Camry. I don't even know how to pop the hood. It just keeps going.

[00:12:25]But he's a good guy. He's a He's a dude.

[00:12:27]Like he's a he's a bro. And he all he knows is like he knows football and he knows cars. So that's how he tries to get me like, "Oh, Jason, what are we driving there? Six cylinder." Oh, yeah.

[00:12:40]Joe, I didn't pop it open and count.

[00:12:42]Yeah, you know, six, seven, whatever it takes. I always want to flip it on them like what's the thread cone of your sheets, hun Joe?

[00:12:57]Egyptian bale. Yeah, two could play this game.

[00:13:02]Oh, one day he goes, "Uh, Jason, uh, when was the last time you rotated your tires?"

[00:13:08]I don't know, Joe. Every time I drive, what's about a table from IKEA? Anyone go through that ordeal? Have you done it?

[00:13:21]You put it together? What' you put together?

[00:13:24]>> Tables, cabinets.

[00:13:25]>> Table and cabinets. Oh, getting all she's she's throwing down now on me.

[00:13:30]Yeah, that uh I had a lot. Do you have extra parts? Like 30. Okay, good.

[00:13:35]Yeah, that's a long two weeks that IKEA project.

[00:13:40]Yeah, here's what I didn't I didn't make an effort. I didn't open up the box. And so my wife waits for me to sit down to watch Ozark and then she gets all into it and she breaks out the instructions.

[00:13:51]She goes, "Uh, you're the big college boy. Jump right in." I majored in English.

[00:13:58]Like, all right. So, spelling error, misuse of the umlouch, Swedish thing. They were using the semicolon like they just discovered it.

[00:14:12]They wrote assembly time semicolon 1 hour. I think what they meant was assembly time. Wink 1 hour.

[00:14:22]Not even close, man. Took me an hour to find Joe.

[00:14:30]Do you have sports in Utah? What do you have? The the Jazz. There's one. Is that it? That's all you got? My dad's all excited. He's a Dodger fan. So, I have to hear about Otani every single day for the rest of my life. And, you know, he didn't speak any, you know, he he spoke only Japanese when he got here. That part's actually impressive. He spoke only Japanese. So, in order to communicate with the rest of the league, he had to learn Spanish. Uh, baseball.

[00:14:59]Yeah. So, what else we got? My um I was uh thinking about my wife. You know, I get to go see her tomorrow. I feel for her. She bought into this whole, you know, when you marry a comedian, you know, when I'm on the road, she doesn't feel safe and then when I'm home, she doesn't feel safe.

[00:15:17]We got a dog. That's pretty cool. We have dog dog people.

[00:15:21]>> Yeah. What kind of dog you have here, Ro?

[00:15:24]>> He is a golden retriever golden lamp.

[00:15:28]>> A golden retriever golden lamp.

[00:15:30]>> Collie.

[00:15:31]>> Collie. Wow. Did you do like a whole 23 and me to go back all the Wow, that's complicated. That was Whoever's, you know, whoever's whoever's doing the poodles, they need to relax.

[00:15:43]The the poodle people. Come on. We got a snicker doodle and a poodle and a poodle doodle poodle. We we we saw a pincher poo.

[00:15:52]Part Doberman pincher, part poodle. I'm like, and did they press charges?

[00:16:01]Is that natural? Does that happen in the wild?

[00:16:05]Can you imagine that poodle bringing that dog home? Well, we met at the junkyard.

[00:16:10]We're having pincher poos.

[00:16:13]or else we wanted to get a dog with a bark. But then we went to the kennel and we fall in love with the littleip.

[00:16:24]He is a Scottish terrier.

[00:16:28]So he doesn't really enforce the rules.

[00:16:30]He's more like observe and report.

[00:16:36]No authority at all. He's like a mall cop.

[00:16:42]That's a pretty smart dog. You got the the kakali in there. So, that dog's smart. Like they ground all the other.

[00:16:48]My mom's a like a pure She got a a standard poodle.

[00:16:52]>> Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. No add-ons or original owner. I don't know. Standard poodle. I can't tell you how she worships this dog. You walk into her house and there is an altar with candles and the pictures of this dog.

[00:17:08]My picture. Nowhere nowhere to be found.

[00:17:12]Yeah. The the first year we got her um a Roomba so that she wouldn't have to vacuum so much. You know, she's getting up there and um the the dog, the Pope, did his business on a rug in the kitchen. And the Roomba couldn't figure out what that was and what to make of it. And it was oh everywhere. It looked like a flight pattern for Southwest Airlines. Just more destinations, David.

[00:17:40]And by the way, she yelled at the Roomba. Never said a word to the dog.

[00:17:48]>> So, what else? Yeah, dating. Dating is our thing. You guys, uh, you're on a date right now. Well, look at you. What do you do for a living?

[00:17:55]>> Truck driver.

[00:17:56]>> Oh, good. Yeah, that's a good solid man job there. Truck driver. You know how many cylinders are in your hood.

[00:18:06]I'm trying to be all cool. Oh, I don't even know the language.

[00:18:12]Yeah, I keep uh I keep buying into these expensive day. I got to chill out on that, you know. I bought we we went to Disneyland. Have you been to Disneyland since the apocalypse?

[00:18:21]>> Yeah, it's it's fun. But I was braced for expensive. I spent the 401k, the mortgage, crypto, the swear jar, all of it. If they would upgrade the rides, I would be a little better with it. But it's still Autotopia. They have Autotopia. You give me, you know, remember that little car ride it's got on a thing. It smells like a lawnmower accident.

[00:18:48]Guy in front of you is going 5 miles an hour. Like it's one pedal, bro. What is I don't care if you are five. Let's go.

[00:18:57]And then they also they don't let you go. They don't do fast pass anymore. you can't pick the ride you like and go to the front. So now what happens? People uh I'd say, you know, if you have some disability, you get to go to the front.

[00:19:09]So at Disneyland, one in three people have a walking boot and a wheelchair and an eye patch and a crutch.

[00:19:18]Night of the living dead at Disneyland.

[00:19:21]And the whole family is with them. I'm an emotional support cousin. Come on.

[00:19:25]He's going to be okay. We're going to get him on up there.

[00:19:28]We're going to go on cars again.

[00:19:32]Yeah. When we were there, these kids got in a like a fight, like a real fight, and the security came Oh, the security came and took them to Disney prison.

[00:19:42]I'd pay for that. That would be worth $1,000. Come on. What does that look like? ALL RIGHT, VERNON, LIGHTS OUT.

[00:19:52]Nobody knows.

[00:20:00]And we we did uh Disneyland. We did the other expensive one was worth it. We did the spa. We did like his and her massage, which was fine. My wife got a great massage. I thought I'd be all like manly. And they had one of the options was deep tissue. I'm like, "Oh yeah, that'll be like a regular massage but better and deeper." Y'all had a deep tissue massage.

[00:20:23]She came at me with claws and knees and elbows and she had me in a headlock.

[00:20:28]What's my safe word? What's happening?

[00:20:31]What are we doing?

[00:20:34]She came at me like she wanted information.

[00:20:37]And And I'm tense just waiting for the good part. It never came. I'm just like, just don't fart. She's mad. Just Why did I have grape nuts? I'm doing kaggels and It was an I left with pain I didn't have coming in.

[00:20:58]Yeah. You know what? I could really use a massage.

[00:21:04]Oh, that was a good one. And then the last one I did, this one was after I spent all the money, I had to go go for a humble one. I had to get creative and I did a picnic at the beach. You know, I did the whole Yogi Bear thing. And um you guys don't even know what yogi bear is, do you? Oh, they don't.

[00:21:23]So, uh, have you ever tried to picnic?

[00:21:25]You have a lake. Have you ever tried to picnic at the lake? You have seagulls at the lake?

[00:21:29]>> Yeah. They came at me like like I owe them money and they just recognized me.

[00:21:39]His buddies are getting around him like like you go get them, man. You go get them. What's going on? They're surrounding me. And so I gave my back to the leader guy and he calls for backup.

[00:21:53]And now there are like 12 of them.

[00:21:56]Napkins are blown away. Alfred Hitchcock walks by.

[00:22:03]Explain that to them later.

[00:22:06]And then one of them landed on the table, right? No. So I didn't hit him.

[00:22:12]Find people at Provo. I I shoot him. I give a backhand. And you should have seen this thing overreact.

[00:22:21]And and I'm like like I'm beating him or something. And and then this is where it got bad. I'm in Orange County and next to me at a table is Karen with her two kids and she thought this would be a teaching moment and she goes, "That creature didn't know any better." I'm like, "And my wife bails. I don't even know him. He was here who." And I sat down. I just So, now we're having this awkward meal and I look over and notice that they are eating Chick-fil-A.

[00:22:53]Yeah. I wanted to lean into the kids.

[00:22:55]Yeah, your bird had it coming.

[00:23:00]My bird lived, man.

[00:23:05]Well, how about this? Let's uh let's play a little guitar for our fine friends at Dry Bar. Yeah, sure. I uh I have to play a guitar at some point because I wrote it off on my taxes itemized deduction. You know, I was playing in the airport the other day and a guy put $5 in my case and I'm like, how pathetic do you think I am?

[00:23:38]So, uh, I figured out why all the songs on the radio are so simple and repetitive. They're stealing them from little kids songs, and you just don't notice cuz they make it sound cool. The wheels on the bus go and round and round and round. You swing me right, baby.

[00:23:58]Like a record, baby. Round. If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

[00:24:04]If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Clap along if you know what happiness means to you.

[00:24:13]Happy, happy, happy, happy. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray.

[00:24:25]Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

[00:24:31]It ain't warm when she's away.

[00:24:36]And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. The guys in the band are like, I don't think he does know.

[00:24:44]I know it's a children's song. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

[00:24:55]>> Hey. All right.

[00:24:58]Yeah. So, we have parents here, families, like children. You guys have children? Yeah. How old are How old are your children?

[00:25:05]>> 15.

[00:25:06]>> 15.

[00:25:06]>> 14 and 11.

[00:25:07]>> They're so adorable at that age.

[00:25:10]>> You guys don't look old enough to have See, this is good. Provo clean living right here.

[00:25:16]Would you get married when you were 10?

[00:25:22]Yeah. When I was a kid, I'd listen to the songs on the radio and I never I never know any of the words, but you just go for it. you just just kind of go be like um she said we got to hold on to what we've got. It doesn't make a difference if we're naked or not.

[00:25:43]Kind of does make a difference actually.

[00:25:46]Oh, how about this one where the guy breaks up with his girlfriend Lorraine.

[00:25:50]Oh, I can see clearly now the rain is gone.

[00:25:56]Going to be a bride.

[00:25:59]Bride no just make it. Oh, this was a hit in my house, too. Banana woman. Banana woman to me.

[00:26:11]Banana woman. I see a bathroom on the right.

[00:26:18]This woman came up and she said her daughter that Alana Moriceet was singing about a crosseyed bear. You know, like she got a bad stuffed animal. And I'm here to remind you of the crossside bed that you gave to me.

[00:26:37]Not even my real dad.

[00:26:40]We all do it, man. We do it. Check out next time this song comes on. Everybody goes for it. Nobody knows. Despicito something a burrito.

[00:26:53]I'm a green go and it's got a lot of words I don't know but I'm like the sexy inuendo.

[00:27:00]Nobody knows.

[00:27:04]Yeah, man. I miss bands. What happened to just rock bands? Are they ever coming back? Never. What do we have? Korean boy bands and Imagine Dragons. That's it. We got And Imagine They're good. They are They're running out of ideas. So thunder feel a thunder lightning and a thunder thunder thunder. Lightning and a thunder thunder thunder.

[00:27:28]Not a song, it's a weather report, man.

[00:27:33]I always wanted to have like a rock and roll dad, you know, like a my dad's like and I always wanted a son. So, you know that Darius Rucker would take his guitar into the nursery, sing his kids to sleep. They fell asleep to Hoodie and the Blowfish man.

[00:27:55]Twinkle, twinkle, little star, I wonder what you are. Up above the roof so high it almost makes me cry. But I cannot have a drink until you fall asleep.

[00:28:15]Yeah, man. My grandpa taught me to play the guitar on a banjo. I learned on a banjo.

[00:28:24]And he'd always go, um, you know, modern music should have more banjo. We should.

[00:28:29]Yeah, Grandpa. Then everything could sound like a square dance. Hey there, Delila. What's it like in New York City?

[00:28:35]You're a thousand miles away, but girl, your mouth, it looks so pretty. Yes, it do.

[00:28:41]Spin your partner around a time or two.

[00:28:45]Do what you do to me.

[00:28:50]Oh, wink wink. Going to take you home with me.

[00:28:55]More bio.

[00:29:01]Thank you. One person. Sure, I'll take that.

[00:29:05]Yeah, man. I um I feel like a lot of singers, they just get so carried away, you know, the when they're especially when they're they have like a new relationship. I was listening to this song. I would catch a grenade for you.

[00:29:20]Throw my hand on a blade for you.

[00:29:24]Really?

[00:29:25]Where you live? Croatia.

[00:29:29]You James Bond. Oh, how about how about this one here? I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500.

[00:29:41]He would walk a,000 miles. You know what might impress her? Airfare like a man.

[00:29:50]You get 30 years. Yeah. I want to hear like what he's willing to do after 30 years of marriage. I would hold your purse while you try on new clothes. So long as it's only one store.

[00:30:10]>> Yeah, it's good. Uh who what was your what was your first concert?

[00:30:15]>> Uh Journey.

[00:30:16]>> Journey. Oh, you went right to the top of the mountain. I hope that was your last concert. That's as good as it gets.

[00:30:24]Yeah, man. Mine was so disappointing. It was uh Chris Isaac for some reason. And then the Spice Girls were there for I don't know. I see the Spice Girls. You like the Spice Girls? Yeah, I like them too. They get away, you know, like imagine they women get away with stuff that dudes can't get away. Imagine if a dude sang the Spice Girl song. You I'll tell you what I want. What I really really want? Yeah. Tell me what you want. What you really really want. If you want to be my lover, you got to get with my friends. Yo, it's a new day, bro. New day.

[00:31:01]Yeah. So, you got we got some youngsters here. Yeah. We have some uh I saw a guy in the audience earlier. I know. I have to explain sometimes who the Spice Girl Scrolls are. You know who the Spice Girls are? Yeah. Okay, good. I'm just checking.

[00:31:15]>> Huh? How old are you?

[00:31:17]>> 37.

[00:31:17]>> Oh, you're 3 I'm moving to Provo.

[00:31:24]Forget Botox, man. I'm going to Provo.

[00:31:27]37, man.

[00:31:29]Um, I can't, you know, I can't keep track. I can't keep up with the the new new music. It just feels like it's all they're all trying to be Ed Sheeran. You know, they're just all coming out of the same factory. If you don't like the way I sing this song, well, baby, you won't either.

[00:31:51]Yeah, I live in California. We don't have a lot to uh offer. We have Maroon 5. Oh, there's a band. in Maroon 5.

[00:31:57]Yeah. Here's the thing. When you listen to Maroon 5, all he does, Adam Lavine, is he's got all these dark ideas and he puts them to happy music.

[00:32:06]I am in misery and yet I sing so happily. Oh, I want whatever that dude say.

[00:32:17]Ask your doctor about screw it all.

[00:32:22]Here's a love song from Madame Lavine.

[00:32:24]So I cross my heart and I hope to die.

[00:32:29]That I only stay with you one more night.

[00:32:33]How romantic.

[00:32:35]He's got some other songs, but you have to be a dog to hear them. Yes, sugar.

[00:32:40]Yes, please.

[00:32:45]Squeak.

[00:32:47]I GOT A PAY phone trying to call a pay phone. Young lady, there's a device we used to have and you put a dimea.

[00:33:00]A dime is a coin that we used to have.

[00:33:09]Yeah. You want to know what the most played song ever on YouTube is? Not Ed Sharon. Not Rihanna. Let me see if I could do it justice.

[00:33:18]Baby Shark. Doo doo doo doo. Baby Shark.

[00:33:21]Doo doo doo doo. Baby Shark doo doo doo doo. Baby Shark 14 billion hits with a B. 14 billion. What What do you think they paid the two little kids to do this here?

[00:33:35]$100. They're on Skid Row right now going 14 billion hits. I got none of the back end.

[00:33:43]Yeah, my sister is teaching her kids nursery rhymes. Like, what are we doing, sis? Are we Are we still doing that?

[00:33:49]They're all so morbid. They all went after the farmer's wife who cut off their tails with a carving knife. Have you ever seen such a sight in your life as three blind? Like what?

[00:34:02]These songs, they're not even from this country. London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. My nephew's like, "Why? Where's London? Are we okay?"

[00:34:13]Every story we tell them, someone's getting eaten by a wolf or baked in an oven.

[00:34:20]He's finally just sing me to sleep already. When the bell breaks, the cradle will fall down baby cradle and all. Why were they in London? What's happening?

[00:34:36]So, uh, we got a real cowboy here. What What do you What do you do for a living here in Provo, man?

[00:34:42]>> Sales.

[00:34:43]>> Sales.

[00:34:45]Does a hat help you with that?

[00:34:48]He's like, "This is a legit guy. I want to do business with this dude." That's cool. My dad wears the cowboy hat and it's an American flag. He takes it to the next level. What do you What do you sell?

[00:34:58]>> I sell uh industrial parts.

[00:35:01]>> All right. Don't know what that is for sure.

[00:35:05]I have frosted tips.

[00:35:08]No cowboy hat. You listen to country?

[00:35:11]>> I do.

[00:35:12]>> Yeah. I've been I've been trying to get into I've been I I like it. You know, do you know the only thing I don't like is that um they all have that same twang.

[00:35:19]Like they're they're not all from Nashville. Some of them are faking it.

[00:35:22]Keith Urban is from Australia. How did he end up with the Have you ever heard him talk between songs? I want to love somebody like you.

[00:35:36]Oh, Cy, mate. Thanks, Hypes.

[00:35:39]The Sheila's really like that one.

[00:35:42]partner.

[00:35:44]I like New Country, man. You know what I like is when these guys are they're cowboys. They're dudes, but they're trying to be romantic and all they can draw in is like dude stuff. Look at this guy. Body like a back road driving with my eyes closed. I know every curve like the back of my hand.

[00:36:04]Y'all ever been on a back road?

[00:36:07]Not a compliment.

[00:36:11]Got a funny o and it's got no shoulders.

[00:36:15]All the locals use it when they're too drunk to spare.

[00:36:22]Backhanded compliment.

[00:36:24]Oh, there was a time when this here was a compliment. She's a brick house.

[00:36:32]She's my just letting it all hang out.

[00:36:36]Cuz if there's one thing a woman wants to be compared to, it's a house.

[00:36:43]What ideas did he pass up? She's a back road.

[00:36:49]She's my cuz you know she ain't up to code.

[00:36:56]That was the the Commodores, man. I love love me some Mottown. I was It was Lo Richie, right? Yeah.

[00:37:03]>> Yeah. I was talking to this girl. She was 20some. She did not know who Lionel Richie was. Yeah, she was just before my time. Like, so was JFK. You know who we And. And then she knew Nicole Richie.

[00:37:15]I'm like, well, how do you think Nicole Richie got famous? She went Paris Hilton. No.

[00:37:23]And then she finally goes, "Oh, no, no, he's the one on American Idol." Yeah.

[00:37:27]Yeah. That was this big break.

[00:37:31]American Idol. He wrote one of my favorite songs. He wrote easy like a Sunday morning. Ah, that was beautiful.

[00:37:38]That was that was definitely before he had kids though cuz once you have children there ain't nothing easy about Sunday morning. Here's what it would have sounded like had if he had waited.

[00:37:48]That's why me say let go of your sister's hair. Easy like a Sunday morning. Yeah. Do not throw on the walls. Thank you. That's why if I step on one more leg go easy like a Sunday morning.

[00:38:06]You're ready to go. No pants morning.

[00:38:10]I want to get high.

[00:38:15]All right. You guys have been so much fun. Thanks for coming out.