3 Reasons You Can't Move On From the Past (And How to Fix It)

[00:00:00]Have you ever been lying in bed completely relaxed and suddenly [music] your brain forces you to remember a terrible mistake you made years ago?

[00:00:07]Your stomach drops. You feel sick and you start running through all the things you should have done differently that ruins your [music] entire day. Now you might think that you are just holding yourself accountable. [music] But science says you are actually trapped in three specific psychological loops. Today we are going to look at exactly [music] why your brain refuses to let go of the past and the exact steps to finally break free.

[00:00:34]Hi, I'm Gaitri [music] Arvind, founder of Abasa Rehab and Wellness. We offer residential rehabilitation for people struggling with addiction, mental health disorders, eating disorders, and chronic conditions. Over the past 6 years, we have helped over thousands of people reclaim [music] their lives through personalized care. Through this channel, we share [music] practical wisdom to empower your mental health.

[00:01:02]Reason one, the guilt tax illusion. The mistake you made uh makes you feel like you are a bad person. [music] So to neutralize that feeling your mind developed a deep subconscious belief that suffering for that mistake somehow makes you a good [music] person. If I regret the mistake then I should not be as bad as I think right? I'm inherently good and that's why I feel bad. And that's called the guilt tax [music] illusion. Why is this so tough to break?

[00:01:30]Because you treat guilt like a lifetime tax. You think that if you stop feeling bad about what you did, it means you simply do not care. which in turn means you have no morals. So you subconsciously force yourself [music] to feel miserable every single day to prove to yourself that you are still a good human being. So this is a psychological [music] trap. Now how do you get out of this trap? For this you need to understand the biological purpose of guilt. Guilt is simply [music] an evolutionary alarm clock. It is designed to ring loudly, wake you up and force you to change your toxic behavior. It was never meant to ring for 5 years straight. And to stop it, you must practice value extraction. Take a piece of paper and write down the exact behavioral lesson that terrible mistake taught you. Write down how it made you wiser today. Once you extract the lesson, [music] your brain realizes that the alarm clock has done its job. And once you realize your lesson, [music] either try to fix that problem if you can or truly apologize. Basically, give a closure to the story depending on the situation. Then you will feel light.

[00:02:43]Once that happens, give yourself permission to turn the alarm off. So when you do this, you get to keep the wisdom, but you finally drop the heavy weight. Reason two, the willing complex.

[00:02:56]When you make a massive mistake, it is [music] very tough to process. Instead of uh looking in the mirror and saying I did a bad thing, you [music] start saying I am a bad person. You cast yourself as the villain in your [music] own life story. And subconsciously we all know that villains do not deserve happy endings. One mistake has completely rewritten your own identity.

[00:03:19]Because of this you actively destroy your own present day happiness like you push away good partners, uh self-sabotage at work and so on. You do this because succeeding does not fit your new villain script. To get out of this trap, you must learn to surgically separate your identity from your actions. [music] See, one single dark chapter does not define a whole book.

[00:03:43]So, one of the best ways to get out of this I am the villain trap is to write an [music] identity contract. Like write down three incredibly kind, positive [music] things you do for people in your present life. uh you might not be able to find out immediately but force yourself. The idea is you must prove to your own brain that the person you are today is not the same person who made that choice years ago. When you do this every day, it instantly kills your urge to self-sabotage. [music] And this will help you stop punishing yourself and you'll finally allow yourself to accept good things and good people. Reason three, the unpaid debt.

[00:04:24]This is an interesting reason. You desperately want to fix the mistake, but the opportunity is completely gone.

[00:04:29][music] This is incredibly tough because the person you hurt might be out of your life forever [music] or the time to fix the situation has permanently passed.

[00:04:38]You have a massive debt sitting inside your chest. But the bank is permanently [music] closed. Since you cannot pay the debt back, the regret just grows and rots inside your mind. [music] If you are going through this, then there is a powerful concept that will help you. It is called living ammens. You cannot pay a debt backward [music] in time. Time travel does not exist. You can only pay a debt forward in the present. For example, if your past mistake was being incredibly [music] selfish, you do not balance the scales by sitting alone in your room [music] and hating yourself, right? Hating yourself helps nobody. You balance the scales by dedicating yourself to [music] radical generosity.

[00:05:21]Today you use action based justice like volunteering for some good cause [music] uh helping a stranger and so on. You become the most giving person and how does this change your life. See it completely shifts your energy. Slowly you'll stop looking [music] backward in the passive regret and start looking forward with a desire to do good. You turn your darkest mistake into [music] the exact fuel that makes you a wonderful person today. See what you have to understand is your past is a place of reference. If you have paid your tax and learned your lesson, it is time to pack your bags, move out of the past, and [music] finally start living in the present.

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