Friendship Dynamics in Accra | fake "girls' girls", pick me’s | Thursday Talks episode

Añadido: 2026-05-31

[00:00:00]Accra girls be acting like they're girls-girls so bad, but the things that are happening in the bar they'll take you for idiots. I am scared of people who are too nice. Yes, girl, go girl.

[00:00:11]Somebody will go girl you to your demise. [laughter] Like people around you affect you so much. People can use your friends to harm you. The big nations. I can literally sue you cuz I felt violated and you're still messing around with her boyfriend. Do better.

[00:00:26]Whom it is really needed to be given to give it to them.

[00:00:30]>> [music and singing] [music] [singing] >> Hi Hollies, you already know what time it is. It's another episode of Thursday talks and I'm your host Mahalia. Today we have a very special guest.

[00:00:52]Jules, okay, introduce yourself.

[00:00:54]>> Hi. So, my name is Julie Page. I'm a model and I'm from Sierra Leone and I'm also a designer. So, I have a clothing brand. It's called Jules Wear. You should definitely check it out and we're going to have fun today.

[00:01:07]>> Exactly. She does clothing and everything and she also gifted me with one of her jerseys. Let me show you guys. Hold on. This cute top. Buddies in the section. Mhm. Okay.

[00:01:19]>> And you're outside outside association.

[00:01:22]>> Mhm.

[00:01:23]>> The outside association. Pretty girls only.

[00:01:25]>> Who loves to be outside. Really nice top and there's also like a bunch of cute tops.

[00:01:30]>> It's all my leisure because look at her.

[00:01:32]>> Yeah.

[00:01:33]>> She's pretty.

[00:01:33]>> Fine girls.

[00:01:34]>> Mhm.

[00:01:35]>> So, follow Jules Wear. She's coming to you with amazing pieces.

[00:01:39]>> Yeah.

[00:01:40]>> We're about to talk about friendship dynamics. Friendship is actually a very sensitive topic, especially here in Accra, because Accra girls Accra girls and boys I feel like there's a lot of unsaid things that are happening in almost everybody's friend group that is causing problems. So, we're had to like talk about it, make it clearer, and just figure things out. If you have been confused in your friendships, like what's going on here?

[00:02:05]I'm about to give you the tea. And I think also the same way we have like requirements on what we think or want in our relationships, you should also have that in your friendship. Not everybody can be your friend. You can be acquaintances. You can just know them, but not everybody you have to give that word, "Oh, they're my friend." No.

[00:02:26]>> She have requirements.

[00:02:27]>> That's exactly right. Like she said, people have standards in relationships.

[00:02:31]You can't just accept everyone to be your friend or tell everybody you want to be their friend. I feel like there's this thing, I don't see it anymore. It was when we were younger. People just text you, "Can we be friends? Can I be your friend?"

[00:02:42]>> the Facebook people.

[00:02:43]>> [laughter] >> Facebook they, "Hi, I want to be your friend. Can I get to know you more?"

[00:02:48]Like >> Please, let's leave that in 2020.

[00:02:51]>> starts with, "Can I be your friend?"

[00:02:53]>> No real friendship.

[00:02:55]>> Yeah, it's not it's not a friendship.

[00:02:57]I'm sorry.

[00:02:58]>> It's like >> It's giving beg.

[00:03:00]>> [laughter] >> It's giving what? Begging, you know?

[00:03:03]>> Please, choose me, pick me, >> [laughter] >> uproot me.

[00:03:06]>> No, for real. People should be very intentional about their friendships, and you also need to hold your friend to some certain esteem cuz you shouldn't let certain things slide. Just because, "Oh, familiarity, I've known him for so long." And she does you the worst of the worst. Some people are like that, and some people too are too quick to cut people off, like >> Or once they did you Yeah, like that.

[00:03:26]Yeah, people.

[00:03:28]>> [laughter] >> No, but listen. For me, I do not just cut everyone off, but there's certain principles, like there's level of violation that someone would do to you in a friendship that you know you have to cut them off. Like if it's something trivial where in friends fight, friendship is also almost like sibling relationship, like proper friendships.

[00:03:46]You guys will have your ups and down, but there's certain principles that if a person violates in that way, you cannot keep them around because you're doing yourself more harm than good. And we need to understand that if you do not vet your friends, it's going to affect you because people can use your friend to harm you. People can use your friend to get to you. If a guy cannot get you, they might use your friend as a weaker link. Your friend can set you up. They might not even know what's going on.

[00:04:16]They might think it's in your best interest, but somebody will use someone close to you to get to you. So, it's very important that you really know that you have a solid set of people that you call your friend because if not, my love, you're going to pay for it.

[00:04:30]>> She's saying all the right things because even now, you might think, "Oh, it's the guys you have to be scared of."

[00:04:35]But your friend your own friend >> Yeah, you know, we always say to protect women against men because yeah, they're like the top >> predators.

[00:04:45]>> Yeah, that we focus on. But you also have to We also have to protect women from certain friends. Or maybe not us protecting them. You have to protect yourself. You need to have proper and solid friends because if not, those friends will be the reason your life like a friend can literally make a decision or do something to you that would change the section of your life like change everything about your life in a day.

[00:05:11]I promise you you will not like it. So, >> There was this quote that said, "The people around you >> Mhm.

[00:05:17]>> shape you."

[00:05:18]>> Yeah.

[00:05:19]>> So, it's very important that you choose wisely who you choose to be around you, spend time with you, even share your problems with, share your challenges with because some people they don't have your best interest at heart. They might be pretending. That's why it's so hard for me. Sometimes I'm just so scared of people like >> And as you should.

[00:05:36]You really should. Trust me.

[00:05:38]>> scary.

[00:05:38]>> So, there is this phrase in my in my language. It's like probably it's been said in a different way in other countries. You dey they you no dey see heart. It means you can see a person's face, they're all smiling, but you don't know their intention. You don't know what's in their hearts.

[00:05:53]>> Mhm. Even the Bible tells us the heart of man is a wicked >> wicked >> So, you better choose the ones that you know what they can do.

[00:06:01]>> Mhm. Because you wouldn't realize it, but people around you affect you so much in a way that even certain things they say you might start repeating the same phrases, you might start doing unconsciously doing the things they do.

[00:06:13]So, if they're not a good person or they're not having good qualities that you can learn from.

[00:06:19]>> in certain ways.

[00:06:20]>> Or and encouraging you in like the things in life that matter, rather than just enjoyment. You know, some friends are just there for like, "Oh, let's enjoy. Let's enjoy." But they're not really building you up. They're not really like looking for the way to build you >> the aesthetic friendship.

[00:06:34]>> Yeah, aesthetic friendship.

[00:06:35]>> of aesthetic friendships in Accra.

[00:06:37]>> Yeah, there are lots of it. There are certain people they'll see you based on how you look or maybe your social media.

[00:06:42]They feel like, "This girl fits into my catalog of the kind of person I want to be friend."

[00:06:48]>> Let me tell you, if you go on my page and you think I look like somebody who is in your aesthetics, we cannot be friends. I I cannot do aesthetic friendship. Every day is just vibes and chill. No.

[00:07:00]>> Yeah.

[00:07:01]>> Okay, if something is happening, can I talk to you? I cannot talk to you. We cannot have intellectual conversation.

[00:07:06]Anytime you hit up my phone like, "Hey, there's something happening at Enzo. Do you want to come through?" No, I do not want to come through.

[00:07:12]>> [laughter] >> No.

[00:07:14]>> Believe me, we have lots of aesthetic friendships in Accra. A lot. That's why I feel like it's so hard for me to be friends with people because I cannot do the surface things. Like it's either we're going hard or we're going home.

[00:07:27]>> Yeah, exactly.

[00:07:28]>> Or I'm going to stay on the surface. I call it low effort friends. They're easy to keep because it's like we're not talking every day. We don't get too deep.

[00:07:34]>> And I mean, don't get me wrong.

[00:07:36]Sometimes those kind of people it's cool to have around. You don't necessarily have to class them as your friends.

[00:07:44]They're not your friends, but they're people you're cool with. I think we should also make this a thing of compartmentalizing your friendship, like putting everybody Not everybody is your friend.

[00:07:53]Everybody should have their Okay, this is someone I'm acquainted with. This is someone I work with. This is someone I party with. This is someone if I want to go on a trip. Like, you can have those people.

[00:08:02]>> Yeah.

[00:08:03]>> But the ones you call your friends have to be really solid.

[00:08:06]>> Yeah, you have to know how to draw the line, the boundaries.

[00:08:09]>> Yeah, you can't be calling your Enzo friend >> I've said Enzo like twice.

[00:08:14]>> Enzo has cut >> so many straight [laughter] bullets.

[00:08:17]No. Okay, which other place? Any outside friend you can't call them >> that you need something. You cannot ask them for like advice on something that's going on in your life or your relationship. Maybe you're about to make a big decision between taking two jobs.

[00:08:33]You want to like validate what might work for you. You can't call those friends because they're not adding anything to you.

[00:08:40]They're just there for when it's time for bottles.

[00:08:44]>> [laughter] >> One bottle, two bottles >> One bottle oblate without side, like the top says, "Bodies not a section, just the bodies." So, my next question is, who is a girl's girl? Because so many girls claim that they're girls' girls, but I feel like they themselves don't even know what a girl's girl is.

[00:09:04]>> What it means to be a girl's girl.

[00:09:05]>> Honestly, that word and that whole term is overplayed because most people I don't think being a girl's girl is because you tell a girl, "Oh, you're so pretty. You're cute." You're in their comments. You see them outside, you compliment them.

[00:09:19]I think being a girl's girl is standing up for another woman in like very difficult situations because when it comes to the superficial things, trust me, the internet people are very good at it. But when it comes down to proper human interaction, you have nothing. There's nothing there.

[00:09:37]So, if you're a girl and you see something going wrong with another girl, you have to stand up for her. That's what it means to be a girls' girl. You cannot be in a space where in another woman is being like let's say for example, she's being abused and you were there and it gets to a point where they need people to go and testify or talk about it or you were present and you are like, um I don't want to like you try to act oblivious or >> It's not your place to talk. It's not my place to talk. Yeah.

[00:10:02]>> Yeah. It is definitely your place. You don't have to know a person to be helpful to them. If you know that girl's boyfriend, and you know that girl on Instagram, you're following her, you are liking her picture, maybe you're not following her, but you know she's in a relationship and the guy is texting you and you guys are kicking and you're still messing around with her boyfriend.

[00:10:21]That is not being a girls' girl.

[00:10:23]>> Yeah.

[00:10:23]>> You don't have to be friends with her.

[00:10:25]And we've already established that the guy does not owe you loyalty. It's the girl that he owes loyalty, but you within yourself, you are not a girls' girl. Like entertaining that, maybe using it as tea for with your friends like, "Oh, you see that girl? She's so pretty. Her man is texting me. We're like talking. We're doing this.

[00:10:46]>> I know a lot of people.

[00:10:47]>> You you think it's a flex, but no. It just shows that you have very little respect for yourself because I'm not talking about when he's lying, you don't know that he had a girlfriend. The minute you find out >> And you still engaged in that >> You're not a girls' girl. And you're busy complimenting people. You know the girl, you're looking at her. To you, you think it's tea. It's not. So, I think people just say they're girls' girls when they're not hating.

[00:11:13]>> That's not what being a girls' girl is all about. I know somebody who has proudly boasted to me that, "Oh." And it was an influencer like that they were talking about. They're like, "Do you know so-and-so's man?" And I'm like, "Oh, no, I don't even know him." And she's like, "Oh, do you know he was texting me? He was in my DMs. Like he's been talking to me. He's been buying me stuff." And then in my mind, I'm like And you're proud of it.

[00:11:35]>> flake. It's not a flake. I promise you.

[00:11:37]Might think, "Oh, he's not loyal to her.

[00:11:39]He's such a da da da da da."

[00:11:40]>> But you're not the one encouraging it.

[00:11:42]Like, you both of you are in the same category. You're both scum.

[00:11:45]>> And I'm We don't want to quote the Bible, but let me tell you, silence in the face of evil is evil itself.

[00:11:52]So, if you're a woman or girl who sits around and let something happen to another girl in your present and you're okay with that, being neutral, you're just as evil as the person who did the actual thing because you have to speak up.

[00:12:05]>> She was saying it in a way that makes her look like a catch.

[00:12:08]>> Yeah, no, you're not the catch. You're just one of his play toys. He's entertaining you. I'm sure he's doing that to every other person. Cuz he has the resources, >> clearly, and you're just one of many. So, next time you feel like you're the prize, just know that you're probably one of his residues. Sorry.

[00:12:25]>> And funny enough, that like the same girl was also trying to mess with another like influencer's man. So, it's like a pattern. I feel like there are some girls who just like it when a man is taken. Like, that's when they look attractive.

[00:12:37]>> turned on.

[00:12:38]>> Some people are sick. I said this in my last video. One time >> let me ask you. You just like leftovers?

[00:12:44]Is that what it [laughter] is? Like, you like when people eat and you pick up the bones. Like, "Oh, my feelings are not hurt. I'm not the one. There's no emotional attachment." Girl, that might not be, but you might carry something.

[00:12:57]>> Exactly.

[00:12:57]>> From that, change. Do better.

[00:13:00]>> Acragirls be acting like they're girls' girls so bad. But the things that are happening in the back >> And you know the other thing is, like, when people claim to be girls' girls so much, >> that's when you know they're full of [ __ ] >> Yeah, when they claim to be girls' girls so much and you not experience them like as a person, that's when you know that this person is really full of [ __ ] Like, yeah.

[00:13:21]>> A lot of acragirls are male-centered, and that is what is not allowing them to be girls' girls, if you about it.

[00:13:28]>> even if we take away the men aspect of it, it's just how you are as a person.

[00:13:33]If you have no backbone for anything for another girl, like it could even be a girl and a girl having an issues. Like we're friends, we have an issue, and you clearly know what this other person has done is wrong, but you cannot say out right, like this is wrong. Like what is wrong is wrong. Like that's just >> That's also like being a good friend in general. Some people don't know how to tell their friends the truth. And you need to have >> that friend.

[00:13:55]>> who can tell you the truth. Cuz some people they just want yes people around them. They just want people who agree with everything they do. They never want to be called out. Once you call them out, then they'll start like attacking you. Have you ever had a situation where like let's say you're calling your friend out? And she starts saying things that you never expected. Like she's been harboring certain things about you, but because cuz you're having a misunderstanding, that's when you see their true colors.

[00:14:17]>> They were never your friend then in that situation. Because honestly, there's so much beauty in friendship because it goes into sisterhood. You can benefit a lot from like having genuine friends because >> connection >> not all your friends will be doing the same thing. If we're friends and I'm into something else and I know Mahalia can do this. I'll be in a space, I'm like, oh yeah, my I know a friend who can do this. My friend can do this. But like when people gets in that space and they internalize so much and they don't hold each other accountable, they don't tell each other the truth, they're just doing, like you said, yes men ship head movements.

[00:14:53]>> Like yes, girl, go girl.

[00:14:54]>> Yeah, go girl. Girl, yeah. Somebody will go girl you to your demise. [laughter] Like to your death. So you're dead. And like they're not even telling you what is wrong and what is right. They're just agreeing with you. And when something happens, they really tell you how they feel.

[00:15:09]Trust me, run. Run away.

[00:15:12]>> Okay, so this whole girls, girls topic is giving me PTSD cuz I've had an experience like this. Like So basically, there was this girl who was my friend. What happened made me feel like we weren't friends. And I hate the fact that it was because of a boy, like a man. And I feel like this is why I brought up the whole male-centered thing. Cuz if you if a girl is male-centered, she's definitely not a girl's girl.

[00:15:36]Yeah, like she would always always choose a man over you. The pick-me shaws. The pick-me shaws.

[00:15:43]>> [laughter] >> Oh my god, and they're the ones who come online and be talking about pick-mes.

[00:15:48]It's so crazy.

[00:15:50]>> have some [laughter] thing piece to give.

[00:15:53]>> Well, they're the ones >> They need to be cleansed.

[00:15:56]>> [laughter] >> I feel like other people's experiences have been crazier than mine, but I can't wait to hear yours. So, this girl it was like those situations where someone is hanging out with you all the time and then eventually you just stop being friends. And we were so close to the point where it was basically like she moved in with me. We were always together. Then things just started getting weird when some guy on SnapChat replied to my story or something. And I posted his reply and she saw the name and she was like, "Oh, who is this?" I didn't even know him, but she had he had been in my DMs, you know, replying to every single story, you know, those things. When I showed her, she was like, "Oh, she's talking to the same person."

[00:16:31]And I was like, "Oh, okay." And then she was like, "I should entertain them and see how it goes." And I was like, "What's happening? Like what's happening with you guys?" So, the next day she kept on asking me, "Are you still talking to that person?" And then she wasn't giving me information. She was just like, "Oh, we are just texting."

[00:16:47]Come to find out later on, no, actually, let me arrange my story well.

[00:16:51]>> [laughter] >> The third time she asked about him, I was very transparent. Like I told her everything. Like I showed her the chats.

[00:16:57]I showed her everything. Then she didn't say anything. When I escorted her, she looked at my phone like she was spying on my phone and I was texting the person. So, she go home and she was like she sends me some very stupid message.

[00:17:07]Like I won't remember. She was like, "If you're interested in the guy, something something, you can have him or something." And I'm like, "What?"

[00:17:14]>> Uh, from where to where? How? Do >> understand? Like [laughter] >> A Snapchat guy I had I had met just 3 days ago. I don't know how their relationship was and that was what was annoying me. Like you're not telling me anything. If he's someone you're involved with, if he's someone you have gotten somewhere far with, let me know so that I know how to move. But you're like trying to just make me the plans like or see if if you would fall for the bait or something. But instead we could be like we could be girls girls. We could be talking about this. We could be >> Yeah, you can just tell me what Like why do you have to actually throw your friend as a bait for a man?

[00:17:48]>> So that's how the friendship ended cuz I hate that [ __ ] >> like weird.

[00:17:50]>> Honestly, I gave it to her cuz I'm like you had the whole time in my house to tell me how you felt, to explain to me, to come clean. Instead of you asking cheeky questions, trying to find out like information.

[00:18:02]I gave it to her and I was like, "See, if you want to be with this person, it's either me or them. Like pick a side cuz I cannot do this. You would disrespect me because of a boy, like a man that I have no idea about what's going on." That's when I saw that, "No, I don't think we're friends." Because if you're my friend, you would tell me.

[00:18:21]Like this is not something you would be wishy-washy about and see it's like a competition. That's how she ended up seeing it like, "Are we both fighting for this guy?" I don't even know him.

[00:18:30]Like I don't even rate him.

[00:18:31]>> Yeah, and my thing with situation like that, that was first of all never a friendship, a proper friendship because there's no way you would use your friend because you want to catch your man. Like are we in high school? "Go talk to that boy. Let me see if he's also talking to you." You wouldn't do that to your friend. If you want to confront the guy, you guys can have a conversation and say, "Oh, this is some Like she can be honest like this is someone I've been talking to. I like him. I don't know why he's talking to you." And then you Like you said you showed her the chat.

[00:19:00]>> Yeah.

[00:19:00]>> She could have just like brought it up to him and tell him that, "Yo, I see that you're talking to my friend. Like what's this about? What's going on? This is my friend." And then hear what he says. And leave you out of it. Like making you the bait. "Okay, keep talking to him because I want to see. That's very childish. And that's very weird.

[00:19:17]>> Yeah, I didn't want to add this, but like basically, she was like, "Oh, I should bill him and see how it see how it goes."

[00:19:24]So, she billed him because the funny thing is when I posted his his name on my story, he was like, "Oh, I should delete the reply." And I was like, "Why?" Cuz he knew what he was doing. He was also talking to like my friend. So, I was like, "Oh, how much will you pay for me to delete it?" And then he then like as a joke. Then he sent the money.

[00:19:41]He sent like 3K. And she was so shocked.

[00:19:45]Like, do you understand? Like, she was That's when I saw like something is wrong cuz she was so shocked. Like, she looked hurt. Do you understand? I feel like maybe she hadn't ever gotten something like that.

[00:19:54]>> account. What [laughter] do you mean?

[00:19:56]>> Funny enough, it's really the guy that I found out what was going on. After that instance happened, then she started billing him like crazy. All of a sudden, she's like, "I want this. Buy me this."

[00:20:05]Cuz probably he hadn't been doing that for her. Do you get crazy? That's when I saw that her greed is more than her love for me and the friendship.

[00:20:14]>> She didn't like you. She didn't like the guy, period. Because why do you switch up all of a sudden? Now you're billing this person left, right. So, what did she expect? She was her She told you to bill him, and then you >> I did, and it worked.

[00:20:25]>> she's hurt.

[00:20:26]>> Cuz she also wants him to impress her.

[00:20:29]>> make her question whatever she think they had. This is not somebody serious.

[00:20:34]This is not someone I should be fighting my friend over.

[00:20:37]It makes no sense.

[00:20:38]>> Exactly. It's like you lost two things.

[00:20:40]Like, now you've lost some relationship that I don't even know about and a good friendship. Like, and it's so crazy cuz I would do so much for her. Like, that's what that's what even made me >> So, you really like her then.

[00:20:50]>> I would That's yeah. If I like someone, I like someone. Like, I would go all out. Even when I billed him, I spent most of the money on her because she was like, "Oh, we collabed in that."

[00:20:59]>> That girl That girl is cutting her coats more than her size. She's eating her cake and having it. Shout out to you.

[00:21:06]>> [laughter] >> So, that made me just take a step back.

[00:21:08]I was like, "Okay, I don't I don't know about friendships in Accra cuz it's like imagine if that never happened." And I put my everything into this girl. Like I love her so much and then she just throws me away because of some >> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:21:19]>> guy we both met on. Okay, I don't know how long she had met him for but me I I knew the guy for 3 days.

[00:21:25]>> But if she was really your friend like I said, she would have just been honest about it. Obviously, she tells you what it is. You'd definitely be like, "Okay, I'm not going to entertain this guy."

[00:21:33]>> let me even take a step back. Like >> And then it's his her place to go fight with the guy over him texting another woman. That is if their relationship had gotten to that part where she could question him.

[00:21:44]>> even They weren't even dating. Like it was a talking stage. So that's why I was so hurt. Like you've thrown away >> She's a bird.

[00:21:51]>> [laughter] >> Birdy.

[00:21:55]>> No, so what about you? What's your your worst experience with?

[00:21:59]>> worst experience, wow. Um I think my worst experience will have to be something recent cuz I told you I only have three friends that lives in Accra.

[00:22:08]Two of them are not One is Ghanaian. The two they're not from here. So it was uh This is going to This is the first time I'm actually speaking on this. Yeah.

[00:22:19]>> So like how have you healed from it? So you're still healing?

[00:22:21]>> Oh, there was no healing to be done.

[00:22:24]>> [laughter] >> It was me just putting my foot down, letting them know that okay, just because you're my friend doesn't mean you can override my boundary. My no means no. My yes is yes. This is not okay. But this is in relation to like modeling. So I was on a set for a certain shoot and it didn't go so well because what was in the treatment versus what I saw >> Uh-huh.

[00:22:46]>> was completely different and I felt like I was blindsided about it. And I discussed it. I was like, "I don't think this is something I'm comfortable with."

[00:22:53]>> Oh.

[00:22:54]>> And they're like, "Yeah."

[00:22:55]>> As in the shoot.

[00:22:55]>> Yeah, so they're like, "Oh, no, this is no longer there. It's been taken out." I was like, "Okay, cool." Remember that information. I already said I'm not doing this. I'm not comfortable with it.

[00:23:05]So, now they're like, "We've changed it." So, now I go with that mindset knowing that things have changed just for me to see what I already did not agree to being there.

[00:23:15]>> like they didn't change anything, but they lied to you.

[00:23:17]>> Yes, exactly. So, I'm like, "No, I'm not I'm not comfortable with this."

[00:23:21]>> doing that a lot, especially in the modeling industry.

[00:23:23]>> And for me, I do not play about like my principles when it comes to things like that because what you put out there can come back years later.

[00:23:31]>> And bite you.

[00:23:32]>> Yeah, and bite you. And for what I do, I'm someone who's going to be a lawyer at some point. So, I can't just let You're my friend. You know my principle.

[00:23:41]You know my stance on these things. So, why would you put me in that situation?

[00:23:45]Yeah, so I said, "No, I'm not going to do it." Back and forth and it ended up being filmed.

[00:23:51]I was >> Like with the times you didn't like.

[00:23:52]>> Yeah, so it was it was very very messy, but it's like the short version. So, it ended up being filmed. I was hurt. I was mad. Like, I don't think I've ever felt angry in a long time like that. The friend The said friend was there when everything was playing out. And that was really messed up cuz when I went back home, for me, I don't make decisions just like on the spot. Like, I'll go home, think about it, settle it down, and I'll put myself in the person's shoes, and I also put myself in their shoes and be like, "As much as you're my friend, professional basis, there's certain things that you just cannot do."

[00:24:30]Because if I were in that situation, I wouldn't do you like that.

[00:24:33]>> Exactly.

[00:24:34]>> I would know that okay, there is a way we can find a compromise. That thing could have been changed, and it wouldn't have escalated. So, like fast forward, it became a whole thing. We were going back and forth, and I said, "No, I'm not I'm not comfortable. This cannot go out."

[00:24:48]>> Oh.

[00:24:49]>> And I tried to explain to make me understand that though we can change this, we can make you look like this, you wouldn't be recognized. I'm like, "No."

[00:24:58]I told you no the first time. You didn't listen, and you know I told you no. So, for you to like watch me, cuz I felt violated.

[00:25:06]It was a space with men.

[00:25:08]>> Oh.

[00:25:09]>> And you were there. You put me in that kind of situation knowing how that's going to feel. How >> you feel violated? Or that Or that she was like explicit?

[00:25:16]>> Yeah, not in a way.

[00:25:19]>> Yeah, I get it.

[00:25:19]>> It was off-brand for me. Yeah, and I'm like, "That's not what I'm selling.

[00:25:23]That's not the vibe. Like, this is not me, and you know." So, I just felt like it was very weird because first, you've lied to me. You had no reason to. And you're my friend. Like, you know me.

[00:25:35]>> Mhm.

[00:25:35]>> So, it's not even from a professional >> Stop it.

[00:25:38]>> point. Yes. And even in the situation, it could have been changed. Things could have been >> But they didn't put in efforts to help her.

[00:25:45]>> Yeah, but then it's like, "Okay, because it was serving you at that point. So, you're like, okay. I don't care. Let me just go with it. It's happening anyway."

[00:25:53]So, I was like, "It's clear you don't give two shits, so I don't give one either." You know friends can gaslight you, too.

[00:25:59]>> Mhm.

[00:25:59]>> Now you want to pull out the cards of like, "No, it's not that bad." Like, also, I find it very, very mean and hypocritical when people do things to you, and they want to control your narrative, and they want to control how you should feel about it.

[00:26:13]>> And how you should see it.

[00:26:14]>> And how you should react. Just because it doesn't feel deep to you does not mean And I asked them one question. I was like, "Would you do this if it were you? Or would you be okay with someone doing this to you?" Like, "Oh, no.

[00:26:27]They've been so much time, money, da da da da." I'm like, "I don't care. You should have thought about that."

[00:26:32]>> Exactly. Did they think about your your >> Yeah, you should have thought about that that we wouldn't want something that would complicate things moving forward.

[00:26:39]And at some point, I would have found like a bottom line. Like, okay, let's compromise.

[00:26:45]But the way it was being taken, like the way they went about it.

[00:26:48]>> Like the way they were handling you anyhow.

[00:26:50]>> Yeah, it was giving a slight 10. You're not trying to manipulate my emotions wherein you didn't think about it.

[00:26:57]>> Mhm.

[00:26:58]>> You now want to make it professional.

[00:27:00]Professionally, it was wrong.

[00:27:01]>> Mhm.

[00:27:02]>> Friendship-wise, it was wrong. Let's say, "Okay, we're not looking at it from a friendship point of view." When you lie to someone in a workspace, especially something like that, it's a contract and I can literally sue you if you had still went ahead to do that because I did not consent to it. And even on the on the day I was still telling you no, and you were telling somebody over there that, "Oh, she said yes." And then they would now come and tell me, "Oh, she said she you said yes."

[00:27:30]>> Yeah, that's very no.

[00:27:32]>> is wrong with you? Like, are you okay?"

[00:27:34]>> That's very shady.

[00:27:35]>> Like, for me, it's the principle of it all cuz at some point, I really got over the situation, but I started thinking about it. I'm like, "Maybe I might be wrong." But it made me feel like if I was in a space wherein somebody's doing something to me, this person would not stand up. This person would not realize that this is wrong. This is hurting this person. They would just let it happen.

[00:27:54]Because in the moment when I was uncomfortable, you were behind the camera seeing it. You are my friend. You know my body language. You know I said you just let it happen. So, if I'm in a space wherein like it made my mind run like if I'm being assaulted >> Mhm. You would just allow it.

[00:28:10]>> just allow it. Yeah, it was just a whole lot of things came into play. I'm like, "Yeah, I can't I can't be around you."

[00:28:17]Men be using girls to get to another girl.

[00:28:21]>> this is exactly what I mean.

[00:28:23]>> friends or people around you to even do harm to you. So, for me, I was like, "Yeah, this is weird behavior." The fact that you even want to justify it. You know how people do reverse psychology?

[00:28:34]They'll own up and be like, "Yeah, I know what I did is wrong, but but look at it from this You don't get to tell me how I should look at it. Are you okay? [laughter] >> Yeah, I don't owe you any consideration.

[00:28:46]It is what it is.

[00:28:47]>> Yeah, it is what it is for real.

[00:28:49]Hey, so those are like our worst experiences.

[00:28:52]>> Yeah, that for me that was like my most traumatic experiences because I did not see it's coming because I was so trusting with you. I was like, oh, these are my people.

[00:29:04]Yeah, so >> I've also had experiences that made me feel like, yeah, I was a bit too trusting.

[00:29:09]>> And you know in those situations if it's like when other people do certain things to you, we don't react as much as like we could care less, but it changes when somebody you care about. If it was a random person, you wouldn't even care.

[00:29:20]You would just be like, you know what, moving on. This one is even a fool.

[00:29:23]Bye-bye.

[00:29:24]>> Have you cut off that friend?

[00:29:25]>> Oh, girl, I was even on it and I'm planning my cut off because in that moment I was battling being professional and also realizing that this is the last you'll ever see of me and the universe is beautiful. It always makes you never have to encounter certain people again, not in any space, shape or form.

[00:29:46]>> Really, but I cried small room. So you've never seen the person again?

[00:29:49]>> No, after that you only see me on the internet. We'll only see cuz I also don't I don't just be >> going out everywhere.

[00:29:57]>> If it's not paying me, if I don't really have a reason to be there, I'm not going to go there.

[00:30:01]>> Yeah, exactly. Don't be everywhere.

[00:30:02]>> Yeah, >> [laughter] >> you won't see me. We'll only see each other online. We've never run into each other even by mistake and it's so funny cuz I I'm like it's Accra. It's the same entertainment space. Do you believe that friendships can be seasonal?

[00:30:15]>> Yeah, I do. Some friends are not going to be with you forever. They're just going to be for a time and it's best to understand. It is hard sometimes when you're like, oh my gosh, this friend that I really love so much we're going apart, but then it's just for a reason. If they were meant to be there, they would be there.

[00:30:31]>> Yeah, I really think friendships are seasonal. Sometimes certain friends after they've served their purpose, whether it's a good or bad, you just don't get to cross path with them again and it's okay. Not every fallout is always from >> Yeah, like it shouldn't it shouldn't be messy all the time.

[00:30:47]>> It doesn't have to be messy. And even in a case where it's messy, just make sure that you're the one who is like walking away with your head held high.

[00:30:54]>> Yeah, be the mature one, be the bigger person like they say.

[00:30:58]>> but sometimes >> whom it is really needed to be given to give it to them.

[00:31:03]>> Yeah.

[00:31:04]>> Because people Yeah, people try to trample on that. Like if you're you're a non-confrontational person, you don't like conflict, and you just want to chill and keep it pushing. There are certain situations where you have to really let people know like we can get like that.

[00:31:18]>> Yeah, put your foot down and like stand up for yourself.

[00:31:21]>> I'm not saying fight them, but like you have ways that you can communicate your boundaries and your principle. Like I said, when I said my no is my no, my yes is my yes. And even if they bring the clouds down, if I tell [snorts] you no, >> Yeah.

[00:31:33]>> there's nothing that would change it.

[00:31:36]There's nothing that you can do or say that will make me change my mind. Yeah, so >> You remind me of my sister. She's like that. She's very I feel like type A type A person. I get type A person energy off of you.

[00:31:48]>> Yeah, yeah. For me it's like I'm not like in a gray area kind of person. It's not black or white.

[00:31:53]>> It's either this or that.

[00:31:55]>> [laughter] >> If it's yes, it's yes. If it's no, it's no. If I tell you I'm going to do something for you, it might take days, I might be late, but because I've said it, I'm going to do it for you. I'm going to come to Whatever I tell you no, just forget convincing me.

[00:32:09]Cuz I'm not going to do it.

[00:32:10]>> Yeah. I feel like I'm kind of I wouldn't say opposite, but then I'm sub- subjective to change my mind a lot.

[00:32:17]>> Yes.

[00:32:17]>> I mean, I I get like that, too, but it's >> For some people.

[00:32:22]>> Yeah, it depends. Like not everybody can get that out of me. I have the people that I can be like, "Mhm, okay." You can change my mind a little, but there are certain things when I tell you no, forget.

[00:32:31]>> Yeah, and it's very good to be like that. You should be very grounded in your decisions. I feel like she's very confident in herself, which I love. The whole energy you're exuding is really nice. No, for real.

[00:32:41]>> No, be like be firm because if not, people will take you for idiots.

[00:32:45]>> Stand on business.

[00:32:46]>> They will take you for idiots.

[00:32:48][laughter] I promise you.

[00:32:50]>> Cuz human beings are very, very manipulative. It's like in human nature.

[00:32:54]Even though you might think people would do whatever they want to do to get what they want.

[00:32:59]>> Regardless.

[00:33:00]>> Some people can be trample on you or And you have to be grounded. Like you have to DG, you know? See road, clear eyes.

[00:33:08]>> You have to be like really firm. And it's okay to say no. Trust me, it's okay to say even to your friends. Like it's really okay.

[00:33:16]>> I'm learning that. Like become comfortable saying no.

[00:33:19]>> And not feeling bad.

[00:33:20]>> Yeah, and be real about it because there's this thing, you can be kind to everybody, but you can't be nice to everybody.

[00:33:27]>> And that's that's even a thing. Like for me, I I'm scared of people who are too nice. There is a difference between being nice and being a kind person or being a good person. I always tell people, I'm a good person. I am not a nice person because yeah, I feel like being nice takes a lot of effort. It's performative. Like you have a perception you want people to have. You're nice, you're easy going, you're yeah. Being nice is basically people pleasing. You When you're a good person, it shows.

[00:33:56]Like you're grounded, you're good, you do what you need to do.

[00:34:00]But being nice, cuz some of the people who tend to want to be nice too much, when you now get to get close to them or you know them, >> You see that they are terrible people.

[00:34:10]>> people.

[00:34:11]They just They just want to be oh, calling you sweet names, being lovey-dovey to everyone. I'm not a nice person because you'll catch me on a day where I ain't >> Yeah, you can't mess with me.

[00:34:21]>> [laughter] >> And people like to try. Like sometimes people would really they want to try.

[00:34:26]>> I'm actually learning that, too. I used to try to be nice to everybody. This is how it was. I feel like I was a very blunt person. I am a very blunt person.

[00:34:33]And I felt like I wasn't having social cues because of how blunt I was. Like growing up, I couldn't really feel people's emotions. My sister would take me somewhere and then her friends are there and she would introduce me.

[00:34:42]They're like, "Hi, this is my sister."

[00:34:43]And I'm just like, "Hi." Like I'm not even I'm not even going to put in effort. How I'm feeling is how I'm feeling. Like I'm not even going to try, you see? So, I had to find a balance in that. So, I felt like I was overdoing it a bit cuz it's like everybody thought I was rude. Like they honestly thought I was rude, but I was just being real, you know what I'm saying? So, it's like, "Oh my gosh, how do I be not rude in society's standards but still be real?"

[00:35:05]You see? So, it was hard. But now, I'm not really caring too much about people's emotions. I'll be a kind person, not a nice person. And I'm going to learn how to like know the difference. If you can also relate and you are struggling with being too nice or being kind or being just There's a difference between having manners and just being a rude person.

[00:35:22]>> Yeah, there's a difference between having manners, being a nice person, and being a rude person. You can have manners and be a good person.

[00:35:30]You can be a nice person and you're a rude person.

[00:35:34]>> It's so confusing.

[00:35:35]>> Being nice, like I said, is a performance. It's for show because at your core, that's not who you are.

[00:35:43]So, me, I prefer to be Like I would tell you to you how it is. We have to also understand that there are certain things that people will say to you from a place of love. It's not offense. But people who want to always sugarcoat, who wants to cushion things I mean, you should know place and time >> for everything. You should also know how to say things respectfully.

[00:36:03]>> you can Yeah, you can put your point across in a decent and respectful way and still make sure that they get the message.

[00:36:10]>> Yeah.

[00:36:11]>> Yeah. But if you want to make it nice and then when you go back home, maybe in your living room, you're tearing the person down.

[00:36:17]You now have all the vim when you couldn't say it to them.

[00:36:21]>> That's also like being fake, basically.

[00:36:23]Like you couldn't You couldn't tell me how it is, but you are saying so many bad things.

[00:36:27]>> Yeah, because you to keep the peace.

[00:36:28]>> Yeah, I don't want to keep the peace.

[00:36:30]So, on the outgoing friends topic, I feel like some people just keep friends because of familiarity, right? They've been friends with them for so long. Oh, this has been my childhood friend. But now you guys have nothing in common. You guys can't even keep intellectual conversations. Different worlds and you're just forcing to keep the friendship. Like the time and season you said, let them go. Some people might be pulling you into your past, some bad habits that you're trying to outgrow.

[00:36:55]But because this like constantly there, it can be pulling you down, stopping you from getting what you truly deserve.

[00:37:01]>> Yeah, I think it's really okay to outgrow friendships, especially because you're trying to evolve. If we were friends in primary school and now I'm in high school, I'm in high school, I'll meet different set of people. I'm going to have new set of friends. It doesn't mean that now because I've gone to a different stage in my life or I'm in a different school, now I've forgotten you. The fact that you think like that, it's very childish.

[00:37:23]>> Yeah.

[00:37:24]>> You shouldn't like hold people hostages because you guys are friends. As long as you guys did not end on a bad note, like maybe now the only thing you guys have in common is saying happy birthday to each other, congratulation messages.

[00:37:37]You guys cannot even talk on the phone all the time. And some people are lucky to have their friends from like primary, high school.

[00:37:45]They're still like that. Like there's no bad blood. We need to like let people grow. And also, it's okay to like cut off friends when you guys, your principles and things do not align.

[00:37:58]Because just keeping a friend around cuz you're comfortable with them, it's not okay. You have professional friends. Maybe you're an influencer.

[00:38:06]You're going to meet a girl who is into the same things. You guys will have more things in common. And you spend more time with her. And maybe you might want to bring that friend around. They might feel left out in a way. I mean, it's not even a bad thing. It's just human emotions.

[00:38:21]>> Yeah, guys, if your friend has outgrown you, it's okay. As long as you guys are not fighting.

[00:38:26]>> Yeah.

[00:38:27]>> Yeah, just let them be. If it's just happy birthday and congratulations when things are going on in their life, maybe when you see, you say hello, hi.

[00:38:35]>> Mhm.

[00:38:35]>> It's completely fine.

[00:38:37]>> Yeah, cuz I I recently felt like I was outgrowing a friend. It's heartbreaking, but then it's it is what it is. Like, you can't force it. The more you force it, the more it becomes weird.

[00:38:46]>> Yeah.

[00:38:46]>> So, just accept it and be happy for them.

[00:38:49]>> Mhm.

[00:38:50]>> Don't be envious. Don't say, "Oh my gosh, now you feel like you're bigger than us." Cuz I've heard I've heard some information like that >> Mhm.

[00:38:57]>> come to me where my friend is like, "Oh, Mahalia here, she feels like now she's an influencer, so she's better than Then I'm like, "Huh?"

[00:39:04]>> That's an envious mindset to have.

[00:39:06]>> crazy mindset to have. Like, if your friend is doing well, encourage them, support them.

[00:39:11]>> At least you can say, "Oh, I used to know her."

[00:39:14]>> Exactly.

[00:39:15]>> [laughter] >> That's a plus. It counts for something.

[00:39:18]Because if they are not fighting with you, why are you fighting with them?

[00:39:21]Maybe they'll be somewhere, something good will happen. They'll be like, "Oh, I had a childhood friend who is good with this. Let me reach out to her."

[00:39:28]Like, just keep that line open. Don't try to make somebody feel bad for progressing in life and you call yourself their friend. It's wrong.

[00:39:36]>> Exactly. Oh my gosh, we have so much more we want to talk about, but I feel like we're going to >> class next time. Class is in session.

[00:39:43]When you see Mahalia and Jules, just bring your notepad out. Write down all the things in life that you think we can help you solve and relate to.

[00:39:53]>> Premium content.

[00:39:54]>> Premium content.

[00:39:55]>> the way you think, honestly. Your mind is so beautiful.

[00:39:58]>> Thank you.

[00:39:59]>> And Accra >> This Accra girl.

[00:40:01]>> friendships dynamics because >> Mhm.

[00:40:04]>> It's very dicey.

[00:40:05]>> It's crazy.

[00:40:06]>> I'm sure you're wondering why I don't have a lot of friends. And we're protecting our peace.

[00:40:10]>> Yeah, protecting your peace.

[00:40:11]>> Yeah, I am. Oh, I don't play about my peace. If you disturb it, it's a problem. You all stay safe. Be careful of friends. Be careful of people. Love on the people who love you and don't be everywhere.

[00:40:23]>> Yeah, exactly.

[00:40:25]>> Yeah, wrong timing can get you in situations that you could have stayed home sleeping.

[00:40:30]>> Yes, she's so right because some people were in situations just because of where they were.

[00:40:35]>> Yeah, association will cost you [music] a lot.

[00:40:39]>> Exactly, yeah. The lifestyle cost. Now you know, you know.

[00:40:43]>> [laughter] >> Okay, guys. [music] Thank you so much for watching. We'll see you in the next video. Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe. Bye.

[00:40:52]>> Bye.

[00:41:01]>> [music] >> Yay!

[00:41:09]>> [music] >> Hello, mic test 1 2.

[00:41:18]It's going to flow. By the way, look and see here. I know [music] it's tempting, but hi Halies. You already know what time it is. No, I feel like that was shaky.

[00:41:27]>> [laughter] >> You're doing so well, Kylie.

[00:41:30]>> You're doing amazing, sweetie.

[00:41:32]>> amazing, sweetie.

[00:41:33]>> [laughter] >> Keep going.