What It's Like Living With Factor 1 Psychopathy: Part 4 - THE DUST SETTLES

Added: 2026-05-30

[00:00:01]What's up, YouTube? I'm Mike and today I'm back with Oh, and I'm a psychopath, less we forget uh because again, that's what we're going to be talking about today and probably uh for a little while on this channel because again, it's a very niche topic and uh I've gotten bored with bodybuilding. So, uh what we're'll be talking about today and I think this is part three, part four. We are in fact in fact in part four and part four I think is going to be called um the dust settles. So in part three I explained in pretty grave detail um uh what it's like when the mask of sanity falls but particularly what it's like when when a psychopath unmasks themselves which I have gotten now better clarification on and is extremely rare.

[00:00:51]It is not common for a psychopath to voluntarily unmask themselves. Uh and it can be a dangerous process. It has borderline been a very dangerous process in my life and in my marriage. Uh, I think it I think just because it is incredibly incredibly jarring and I don't want to beat that point to death because I want to I want to try to to you know this been a this has been a very uh emotional or I guess for me depending how you look at it less than for other people. But that's another thing that I think actually warrants a a bit of attention because I think what happens when you start talking about psychopathy is people people immediately they jump onto a lot of bandwagons and they they lose track of the point. So I am a high factor one psychopath. Uh somebody asked in the comments what my diagnosis is. I don't have a diagnosis.

[00:01:49]High factor one psychopathy is not a diagnosible condition in the clinical sense meaning there is no there is no DSM5 uh you know factor one psychopathy is not in the DSM5 what is in the DSM5 is antisocial personality disorder that is uh and they'll they'll they'll even say with psychopathic traits you can have anti from what I understand you can have ASPD and not be a psychopath. But you can also get an ASPD uh diagnosis when you have a lot of factor 2 psychopathic traits. The very important part to understand and what really seems to get under a lot of you guys skin in the audience, which I can't tell you how much I love to read the comments. It gives me a lot of psychopathic supply is that factor one psychopathy is not caused by the environment. Nobody abused me and made me this way. Drugs didn't make me this way. No. I was born this way. Cue the uh what's her name? No, there's a song born this way. I can't think of the the artist. Um yeah, I can't think of it. Um anyway, uh I was born this way. uh factor 2 psychopaths are not uh it's it's not completely heritable. It has a lot to do with environment. It can be caused by early trauma.

[00:03:22]Factor 2 psychopaths are the ones that you read in the news that are doing all the violent behavior. And that's that's where the focus is. I am in a completely group different group. But admittedly, and my therapist has said this, he has said like, you know, um you could go to a different therapist and they could try to lump you in to uh the fact into the ASPD group. One, because everybody wants to put a label on something. And for some reason, it seems to make it seems to make people in society feel more comfortable if they can believe there's something wrong with you, which really says a lot about our society. um his his uh uh estimation is that I just don't fit the criteria. I do have I do have factor two traits. All high factor one people do have some factor 2 traits. But the fact that I've been able to maintain long relationships, both uh interpersonal relationships, work relationships, the the warmth and attention that I'm able to show my children. There's a lot of things that a psychiatrist can look at and see that that that shows the the distinct difference between factor one and factor two. Factor 2 people cannot basically cannot function in society for any length of time. These very very these are the people with a lot of like criminal wrap sheets. They tons of unemployment like a lot of problems. If you watch my videos, yes, I have gone to prison. Yes, you know, I've had negative things happen in my life. Those don't automatically equate to factor two. And the other thing that I started this rant on, so let me bring back again to the point is that uh I I feel I feel feelings like everybody else. I get hurt, I get sad, I cry, genuine tears. I experience the full range of human emotions.

[00:05:20]For me, the whole difference here, guys, that people continue to miss is that I'm perfectly capable of feeling sad, hurt, depressed, jealous, uh, insecure. I most all of those feelings are muted compared to other people, even when they're about me. I just can't feel other people's feelings. That's the main difference. I can't feel your feelings. It doesn't mean that I can't care about other people. The caring is just comes from a different place. And that's what that's why I'm talking today about about the dust settling because ultimately this is something that I have been living with my entire life and am going to be living differently with for the rest of my life. which means to some degree or another, no matter what my wife decides to do, you know, we're we're trying hard here. We're going through a lot of [ __ ] Um, you know, we may make it a little bit longer than she could quit. I could quit. Anybody could anything could happen, right? We don't know what's going to happen, but but we're basically we're bound together for life because we have kids together. And so, and my kids could have it. It a high factor one psychopathy is very very heritable. Uh, both of my children show some subtle signs. I think maybe they got nicked, you know, like maybe they didn't get the whole thing. That's up to be determined.

[00:06:52]So, um, so the the key things that I want to talk about in these videos is what are some of the things that we're doing to cope? How are we learning to live again, for lack of a better term, and that really is probably the best term. What's happening in my house right now is that we're all learning to live again. The difference is now we're living in truth finally rather than living in in lies or masks or or filters or there's all kinds of things, right?

[00:07:26]And so anytime you find out the harsh truth of a situation, like I would be willing to bet you like anytime that's going to be that's going to be hard upfront, you know, cuz nobody nobody this is not just psychopathy thing. It's like somebody else said everybody in societ somebody in the comments said everybody in society wears a mask. That's true. Every one of you have a persona. The person that you are at work, the person that you are if you get called for jury duty, the person you are on a first job interview or even a first date, that person is not a good representation of who you really are. Okay? all your little skeletons in the closet, you don't bring those out on a first date.

[00:08:12]So, the person when you go on a first date or you're sitting down at a job interview, the person across from you is showing you their persona, which is the role they play in public life. That's what makes personal relationships so important is because that's the only place that typically we get to let down out of our personas and be our true authentic selves as people like to say.

[00:08:42]The problem is that people do this to greater and lesser degrees. And that's something that me and my wife are both having to to to struggle with. And it feels, I think, uniquely painful to each one of us because it's like the tool song says, um, there's no fault, none to blame. It doesn't mean I don't desire to point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over. That the temple's our marriage, and it's been toppling. Not because either one of us was right or wrong. that doesn't even exist in reality. There is no right or wrong. But because we're all to some degree self-referential and we always naturally feel that our way of life is true or our way of life is the right way. And when you really get truly honest with yourself, that's not true.

[00:09:40]So my wife has her all she has her reasons for the lies that she told me.

[00:09:48]those reasons are justifications inside of her mind and she can recognize now that that that she's not proud of those things. Those are not becoming of the person that she wants to be or the person she's trying to be today. And I can have had, you know, the mask where I was putting forth feelings and emotions.

[00:10:08]I was displaying a certain a certain character that that when you know when the when the chips are down it like Patrick Baitman said in in American Psycho I I'm just not there. That person that mask doesn't exist. It's it's a forgery.

[00:10:28]And so once you once you pull all of those layers down and you go, "Ooh, you're [ __ ] really ugly underneath."

[00:10:37]and she looks at me and she's like, "God damn, so are you."

[00:10:42]Then you got to go, "Okay, now what are we going to do about this?" You know, because you've seen you've seen it. It's ugly. It's nasty. It's dis and and is loathing and all the things. Um, and so that that's what we're trying to figure out, you know, that that that's the next step is now that the dust has settled, we're seeing things clearly for what they are, how do you go about living the rest of your life? And this is the part where I've been saying for some time that the realization um that that finding out why I am the way I am has been so incredibly relieving. And it there's times where it's actually relieving for her too cuz she can look at past behaviors a where she might have thought I was doing something malicious and figure out like oh my god like that's just who he is.

[00:11:34]Take for example the the thing that we've been struggling with the most lately. Um which is me. I I I have historically just been incapable of forgiving her for being human.

[00:11:46]Everything she does that hurts my feelings, makes me feel disrespected, unloved, whatever, all the negatives, right? Any any little tiny mistake she makes and my world is just amplified to a massive degree. There's probably a bunch of people in my audience that are like, "Really? She told a little lie 10 years?" Even even if it wasn't a little lie, right? Like even if the lie she told 10 years ago was was horrible, right? Like what if she had just got caught literally cheating, you know? She was lying about where she was, I caught her in the act. Okay, just take it all the way to the extreme. I think most people would agree that you have to do something about that then, right? Like right then and there, you you go to prison is what I do. I mean, if it's me, I'm I'm, you know, I'm I'm not making this video cuz I'm sitting in I'm sitting in, you know, Huntsville or whatever. Uh but if you don't do that, if you choose to forgive, for forget, work on your marriage, move on, whatever it is that you do, I think most people would agree that 10 years down the road to just be sitting in your sitting in your office and suddenly lose your [ __ ] over the memory of this thing that happened, you know? Wow. I I mean, I don't know. Seems reasonable to me, but it's it's like what good is it doing you, right? I mean, you like what what's the point of staying with somebody for 10 years if you're just going to burn the whole thing down a decade later because now suddenly you can't cope with with some [ __ ] that you you've known literally for 10 years. This case, it's nowhere near that bad. Um, and we actually I actually got like I don't know if validation is word. I don't even know what I want. But basically, if you believe it or not, she got the couple who was involved in the lie I told you about. told you that what what what happened was she was seeing a male client um that and lying to me about it uh when we first got married, which was something I had strictly forbidden. We actually talked to this couple on the phone last night. She reached out to this guy's wife and we had like a literal conference call and I spent most of the time talking to his wife cuz I felt like we had the most in common.

[00:14:01]Like I think your husband cheated or or was trying to cheat or had bad intentions. Either way, right? doesn't matter. You don't have to physically do anything to be a cheater. You know, if if this guy was actively pursuing Sarah, if he had if he had ill intentions, then not only was he committing an offense against me, but he was comm committing an offense against against his wife. And so, we had like a whole come to Jesus meeting. She explained all the reasons she felt like he wasn't doing that. um why she felt like she felt like I was seeing things through through through the through kind of uh uh colored glasses, glasses that had been colored by the fact that unfortunately my wife was lying to me. See, this wasn't news to her. He was telling her the truth about where he was going and what he was doing. I was the one that was getting lied to. And so, she she was good enough to say, "I I I like she sympathized, right? She validated me. She was like, "If I was in your shoes, I I I totally understand why this has got you [ __ ] up. It it would have me [ __ ] up, too.

[00:15:05]If I if I found out that I, you know, if I had been lied to about this, I would feel very differently." And she was kind enough to say in a very gentle way, "I think the fact that you got lied to is making you believe. I think it's I think it's making this situation look worse than it really is." and I I understand why you would would see it that way, but here's the reasons that I don't think it is what you think it is. And so, while that gives some relief, it doesn't change the fact that my wife lagged me.

[00:15:37]And so, that's the thing that ultimately over the past like to 36 hours maybe. Um, I have been rapidly having to move around in my mind like I do. For me, solving problems takes very short period of time. some something that somebody would spend six months in therapy, I might six spend six hours on because life's really not that [ __ ] difficult. And so I I'm having to do a lot of work inside my own head trying to figure out what matters and what what matters how and when and where and that process is not complete. But what makes it infinitely easier to do is that when I study high factor 1 psychopathy and I learn that this is not me being crazy. The reaction that I'm having to my wife's lie is textbook cl uh high factor one psychopathy.

[00:16:33]High factor one psychopaths do basically essentially do not ever forgive you for the sins that you commit. And I even went so far uh today because one of the things I was wanting from her was revenge. I wanted her to contact his wife and just tell her I had an affair with your husband. Just tell her that.

[00:16:55]Whether you did or didn't, I don't care.

[00:16:57]These people hurt me. He hurt me. What you did hurt me. And I want I want revenge. I want I want to ex I want my pound of flesh. So I don't care if you destroy their marriage. I want I want recompense for the pain that I have suffered for the last 10 years. And so one of the things that I started doing some research on last night is to find out is that possible? Is that possible for a psychopath for for for a high factor one? Uh what I learned is that one I will never truly forgive my wife.

[00:17:30]she I will never ever be able to completely get over it. It's done. It's not undoable. It will forever change the way that I view her. It doesn't mean that we can't move on and have a healthy relationship, but it will always be a a thorn in my flesh. It will always be a needle in the back of my mind. And what that means for the rest of my life is it will always be a factor in every calculation. So, just imagine that every time you go to the gas station, for example, you're calculating how much your gas bill is going to cost you, but you have to add 5 cents to every gallon because you've got this debt that you just have to pay off, you know, constantly. That's what it's like. For the rest of my life, every single solitary thing will have this like tax attached to it because I'm never just going to let it go. I'm not capable of doing that. Um, apparently it is possible, but it's extraordinarily rare that it ever just goes completely away.

[00:18:35]The secondary fact that I'm finding out is that the likelihood of me ever feeling like I have gotten revenge, justification, closure is almost also certainly nil.

[00:18:50]She could do just about anything. And while it might feel really good for a for for a period of time, everything that has to do with uh affronts against my ego, my self-esteem, whatever you want to all of the things, they're always happening now. They're all the the sin she committed technically occurred 10 years ago. But every time I relive it in my mind, which I have no power to stop. It just happens. It just it just comes careening into consciousness or I dream about it. I don't have any control over that. Every time that it happens again, it happens now. It happens in the present. And so every apology she's ever made doesn't It's like you can't pre-apologize for something, right? That doesn't work. I can't say to her, "Look, hey, I just want you to know I'm really, really sorry for all the times that I'm going to slap the [ __ ] out of you in the future." It's absurd, right? It's totally absurd. And so because you can't pre-apologize and because there's nothing she can do to undo the behavior, nor can I, you're you're basically on a hill here where this this offense is going to rear up and it's going to happen to me over and over and over again at time and I I can't even know when it's going to happen. So, let's say she ran out and she did something really misaligned and she told a lie, a convincing lie, and this woman divorced her husband and their entire family burned in flames and and I got to watch from the sidelines and and I just soaked up every bit of it. Like, that's right. You you get you two get everything you deserve. That might feel really really great in the moment. It would, I'm not gonna lie, it would feel [ __ ] amazing. I'm not even gonna lie. I would absolutely thoroughly enjoy every second of that.

[00:20:58]Even though I now, now I've had a conversation with these people and they seem perfectly lovely. Can't help it.

[00:21:03]Sorry. Don't care about you. So, but the problem is is that they could be, you know, dead and gone and buried when when the memory of the thing reoccurs at some point in the future. It's happening again in real time and I'm going to want recompense again and again and again and again and again because like because you can't pay it forward. I can't it's it's not that I couldn't I could go okay but wait remember like those people don't even exist anymore so you know cuz what she did so like that's that's enough.

[00:21:42]There's no guarantee my brain will view it that way because like I said, the the ledger just keeps constantly getting unbalanced. And the idea that she could commit an act that would be sufficiently savage as to raise the ledger to the positive so high that every time I reexperienced it, it took a little it took a little off the positive to keep it ever from going negative again. It's like maybe maybe it could, but that's not a way to live life. Okay, that's not a that's not a way to live life. And when I started finding out that uh one, I'm never going to forgive these things. Two, there's nothing that's ever likely going to make it feel justified. That's when you get to a situation where where either you have to immediately end the marriage because there is no hope here, which is a very reasonable thing to do. Uh I I I I I feel 100% justified in making that decision. Um but but again you have to weigh you have to look you have to weigh everything out. It's like what are the statistical odds that I am going to if I if I end the marriage and give up give up the things that do work and have been working for 10 years. What is the statistical probability that I'm going to get my my needs met by somebody else who is never going to tell me a lie ever? Ever.

[00:23:15]They have to be perfect. They have to be impeccable because the the because the other fact is if I if I cash in an 11-year marriage going on 11 years, if I flush an 11-year marriage down the toilet over a lie and then I get into some new relationship and 3 months down the road she tells some little white lie despite the fact that I told her that's the single greatest sin you could possibly ever commit, she does exactly the same thing my wife did. She just thought she could get away with it or she was just dumb or whatever. And now we're back to square one. I'm definitely not going to tolerate that. And so very quickly, you're going to get into a state, which I I referenced in a previous video, where what happens is guys like me just end up alone. They we just end up hermits. Uh because because every relationship is just a complete non-starter. These people are human beings. They're going to be human at some point or another. They're going to make mistakes at some point or another.

[00:24:14]And if if you can't find a coping mechanism, some way of balancing the ledger that is sufficiently powerful to you, then every relationship you even attempt is just going to it's going to burn in flames. There's no point in even trying. And I I'm not sure where I'm going to land on that. You know, there's a there's a big part of me that wants to just go fine, you know, uh just leave the marriage and just go literally whoring. I never got that experience in life. I never did that when I was so deluded as a younger man that I used to believe that the sex was like a spiritual act of worship. Uh I'm this crazy guy. I would never sleep with a girl inside of two weeks. Like that was like the fastest. Like I'm I'm a weird guy. Like I would make girls prove that they were worth the D game. I felt like I had something to offer. I'm just not handing it out to any old any old uh you know thought that comes along. I was never that way. And and this is this has pulled a lot of wool off for my eyes, making me wonder like, hey, might be kind of fun. Might be kind of fun to go into the club every night and hunt, you know, do what predators do, chase down a new piece of tail every single night, have that little fun, put that notch in my belt, go on to the next one. I've never gotten to live that life. this right now currently that I I've never been so attracted to the idea, you know, and then like your daughter runs in the room and you melt and it's like [ __ ] See, kids, man, you love them and and maybe maybe that maybe they're the thing that will keep me on the straight level because for high factor one psychopaths, that is generally the best case scenario. Right now, I am living in what is likely the best case scenario for me and for anybody who's unfortunately um bound to me before they knew what they were getting into. The most successful high factor one psychopaths are ones who can create kind of what is called their legacy or their kingdom. Uh that they become kingdom builders. They have a very small select group of people that sort of get a pass on all of the very very harsh treatments that the rest of the world gets. It's it's the so in my case it would be my my wife and and my two kids. They are they are they are my kingdom. They are they are in my pride. They are basically extensions of myself. And that is what a factor one has to do in order honestly to be able to treat people in a healthy way because we are so me first. The best way to care for for for for other people for their loved ones is to view them as extensions of ourselves. So it's easy when it comes to your kids right like I don't have to do any work to view my daughter as an extension of myself. She is a a mini.

[00:27:17]She's like me in a female version bouncing around my house just like twinkle toes that just scattered joy and smiles everywhere she goes. I can't tell you the amount of fun that my daughter and I have um honestly manipulating each other and that's the cool thing that we have. There she is. You can come in here, baby.

[00:27:38]There she is, my girl. Uh, tell tell the camera uh, what is your official bedtime?

[00:27:45]>> 11.

[00:27:45]>> 11:00. What time do you usually end up going to bed?

[00:27:50]>> 12.

[00:27:50]>> 12.

[00:27:52]Now, how do you manage to have an 11:00 bedtime and go to bed at 12:00?

[00:27:58]>> Talking to you all night?

[00:27:59]>> Cuz she talks to me. She comes in here at 11:00 and every night she comes in here, she does this. She gives me a big hug. She says, "Night night, daddy. I love I go, "Nigh night."

[00:28:10]>> And then she stands and hovers right here.

[00:28:12]>> And then And then I start asking questions.

[00:28:14]>> And then she starts asking questions.

[00:28:16]>> And what what is it that you're really doing when you're standing here asking me questions after bedtime?

[00:28:22]>> Manipulating.

[00:28:23]>> Manipulating. She's manipulating. She knows it. She knows that if she stands here and asks me the right questions that I she will engage me. And you know, and that's the thing about about calling a spade a spade. I know what she's doing. I know what she's doing. But we have a lot of fun together during that period of time where I allow her a little extra time and we sing songs together. We study music lyrics. We talk about life. We talk about boys. We talk about robot boys.

[00:28:52]>> Uhhuh.

[00:28:52]>> We talk about we talk about all kinds of things, right?

[00:28:55]>> Mhm.

[00:28:56]>> And she gets to drive the conversation a lot. And so usually I'll be like, "Well, you know, if you run out of things to talk about, I guess you have to go to bed."

[00:29:03]>> No.

[00:29:04]>> And she never runs out. And so that gives us a really great relationship because we just call spade a spade. It's manipulation. That's what it is. It's manipulation. And it's okay. It's not an evil negative thing. It creates a really special environment where we get to have some really cool daddy daughter time.

[00:29:22]And it has made our relationship so great. She gets a lot of time with mommy during the day. She gets time with daddy in the evening because the other thing that she knows is that her bedtime 11:00 at night, that's like my prime time hours. If she comes in here at 9:00, start tries to start the same conversation, I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, I'm busy playing Valheim. See you in a little while." She comes in here at 11:00 and she can get she can captivate my attention. And so that's that's what I I got sidetracked while I was Why was I talking about you? Oh, my my kingdom.

[00:29:52]So, it's it's really easy for me to look at her and see an extension of my by it's really easy for me to look at her and see an extension of myself because she has so many of my traits. Same thing with my son. I can look at my son, I can see myself in him very very easily. I can understand him. I learn from my son every day. That's one thing that a lot of parents don't do. They imagine they have nothing to learn from their kids.

[00:30:16]They imagine they have it all figured out. When my son says some [ __ ] to me, we had a conversation the other night. I was basically trying to tell him he's making a mistake. He's not viewing his relationship the way he should be viewing it. He stuck to he's stuck to his guns and he said, "Well, you know, Dad, this is this is the way I feel about it." He walks away. I spent 20 minutes thinking about his point of view. I sent him a text message. I was like, "Damn, YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT. MAYBE I'M the one that's been been been misreading it all these years." So, I never I never imagined that I have all of the right answers and that I don't have anything to learn from my kids cuz my kids came from me. They have my DNA.

[00:30:57]They have my genetics. They have a lot of my worldview. And so, my I view my kids as extensions of me in the sense that they're like little mini me and they're ex they're absorbing the world in real time. I'm an old man. I don't understand. Somebody in the comments said that my son mobbed me. I'm like, "He mobbed me? The hell's that mean?"

[00:31:18]So, I got to go to my kid and be like, "What the hell are you doing to me on camera?" He explains it. We get a good laugh out of it. There's all kinds of things I learned from my son on a regular basis that if I wasn't willing to view him as an extension of myself, I would just be turning into this scenile old man who was completely disconnected from reality, you know, who couldn't who couldn't adapt with the times. My battery's going to die. to decide if I want to wrap this up or or or run it until the end. See, you're seeing this drop cut because I see my batteries dying, then I start rushing trying to not have to do three cuts and and then I miss the the the most important part that I was trying to make there at the end of the video. The whole point at the end of the video was um what I have to do, what I'm working on diligently is trying to maintain the the the the idea that my family is all an extension of me. Uh this is something my my therapist has actually been helping me work with uh as it pertains to Sarah. Uh and has not been going good. So, uh, with Sarah, I'm trying to maintain this the the the frame she is me, the she is me frame.

[00:32:27]The point of my earlier ramblings was it's easy to do with my children. I never need a reminder that my children are extensions of me because they quite literally are extensions of me. I look at my daughter and I just see myself in her all day, every day. I don't even have to try. I couldn't escape it if I wanted to. And it it requires no effort.

[00:32:50]I'll just be sitting at the dinner table and she'll suddenly be like, "Daddy, why are you giving me that weird look?" And it's because I'm just sitting there just starruck with the fact that she said something so mundane, but it resonated so strongly with me that it's it's an uncanny experience because I I never have it in life. And that's partly because she's brilliant like me. Uh but my my son my son does the same thing.

[00:33:19]It's just in his way. It's different. He he says things and and I hear myself coming out of him, but not in the trained in kind of way. And that's one of the things that I really despise and I work very very hard to make sure that I'm never grooming my children. I do not want groomed children. I do not want children who are just these little sickopants that um that all that run around just trying to make daddy happy, saying whatever is going to make daddy happy. I want freethinking, independent thinking children. And so I will I will intentionally challenge them sometimes when I hear them just par if I if I feel like my daughter's just paring something that I say, I'll ask her, "Why do you think that?" to make sure it's not just because well because you do that's not acceptable. You need to have your own independent reason for believing things. It's nice. It's lovely that that that they would want to be like me, but that's not my goal in life.

[00:34:24]I didn't set out to have children who are just like me. Of course, of course we're going to have similarities, but they have to be their own independent people because I know what happens when you're not. I know how miserable life is when you try to be what other people want you to be. It does not ever lead to genuine happiness. And so I don't want my kids trying to live their lives to please me. I want my kids living their lives to please them. That is the objective. The reason I came back for a second third take now is that that is very hard to do when I'm applying it to my wife because we don't have any shared DNA. She is not me in so many ways. And so that's one of the things that has been the biggest struggle is how can I incorporate my wife into my kingdom building? How can I continue to see her as an extension of myself when she does things to me I would never do? Things that I do not value, things that I do not respect. How can I take these slights that I'm never going to forgive, never going to get over, and still find a way to treat her with with with care and respect so that we can maintain uh our own family pride. And I I say pride not as in proud, pride like as in a pride of lions. That's what I want to maintain is a strong family unit that is bigger and better and greater than the than the sum of its parts and can work together to resist the near constant onslaught uh that society prevents because we have a very very unique family and no no professional nobody in society is going to agree with our way of life. So, we have put ourselves on I'm clicking something in the background if you hear that. I've got this got this tiny little boot blade and I I fidget with it and click it. Sorry, it's probably really annoying. Um, so that's that's the biggest challenge for me right now is trying to figure out how to look past MY WIFE'S INCREDIBLE FAILURES and see someone who is still an extension of me and is valuable to my kingdom. And that ultimately guys is for better or worse, that's what it is living with a psychopath. My wife doesn't get to just go, "Well, I love you and that should be enough." He loves me and that's enough. I don't I don't It's not enough. My My worldview is totally based on what have you done for me today? What do you have to offer me today that I can't get somewhere else?

[00:37:28]That becomes really important. She's got a small leg up because she is the mother of at least one of my children. I I just view her as the mother of my children because by the definition of mother in the sense of mothering, she is the only person who has who has ever motherthered my son. Let me get you a sip real quick before the end of the video for you for you ASMR people in the audience.

[00:38:00]Does any sip work or or is it if I do like a really gross sip, you know, like if you're into ASMR, does that become like a a grading annoyance? Is there like a is there like a a line that makes it a good sip between a bad sip?

[00:38:25]Inquiring minds would like to know.

[00:38:28]So, the challenge that I'm trying to overcome right now is how do I look past my wife's obvious glaring faults and uh inconsistencies and and various grotesqueries?

[00:38:42]How can I I'm being dramatic intentionally. How can I look past all of this and manage to see something of value? You know, how do you do that?

[00:38:57]It's tough. I'm going to be honest. It's really hard and I'm working really hard to do that. The point is is that one of the things that I'm currently trying to do right now with this new information that I have is before I just cash in all the chips and go play club at 46, you know, get a little extra beard dye, try to figure out what the cool kids are wearing in the club and go chase some strange that's about half my age. Before I do that, let me see if I can't find a way to protect the kingdom that I spent the last 11 years, 12 years, depending on where you want to start the clock building. Cuz there's a lot of value in what I've built. And so I have to try to find a way. This is what I'm always trying to do. Anytime I find out that I have a weakness, I try to turn it into a strength.

[00:39:48]Factor one psychopathy is about as close to a superpower as you can get. Right now, I am dealing with its weaknesses.

[00:39:56]And its weaknesses are forgiveness and the desire for revenge. And I'm going to spend every ounce of my energy trying to figure out a way to turn those those Achilles heel kind of symptoms, those weaknesses into strengths. And if my history is any is any gauge, I am very very very good at turning weaknesses into strengths. So over the days and weeks to come, I will continue making videos and update you on the progress of how I'm going to try to make high factor one psychopathy an absolute superpower with no apparent weaknesses. Uh so that so that that's what we'll see. We'll see in the days and weeks and months. Is it possible? I don't know. She doesn't know. Neither one of us knows. Can it be done? We're going to find out. And that is what you can look forward to in the next video with the real end of this one. I I haven't decided whether I'm going to leave the other cut in for effect or not. But either way, as always, thank you for watching. We'll see you on the next one.