Women Are Showing The New Cost Of Living Alone | What They Are Finally Admitting

[00:00:00]And I also love living alone, but it is true that I have experienced some of the loneliest nights of my life.

[00:00:07]>> This is why it's so [ __ ] scary to live by yourself as a woman.

[00:00:11]>> How I stay safe living alone as a woman.

[00:00:13]First, I lock my door and put down nails on the floor, so if someone tries to break in, they step on them and get hurt.

[00:00:18]>> Living alone used to feel like one of those normal steps people took when they became adults. Now, it feels like a much bigger financial decision.

[00:00:27]A lot of people still want their own place because it gives them peace, privacy, and control over their day. But the cost of having that space has changed. When one person has to cover the full rent, utilities, the groceries, the insurance, and the rest of the monthly budget, living alone can start feeling like a lot harder than people expected.

[00:00:49]That's why so many people are talking about this now.

[00:00:53]It's not just because whether living alone is peaceful or lonely, it's about whether normal people can still afford to live independently on one income.

[00:01:03]>> People are calling it entitled to want to live alone, and I genuinely don't understand that because we're not talking about a penthouse. Like we're literally just talking about a one-bedroom apartment where we don't have to coordinate with multiple people, and we can just have our own space. Like that used to be called just being an adult, and the fact that working full-time doesn't even guarantee that anymore is the actual issue. So, I don't really understand why people get so frustrated by the person bringing it up rather than the situation itself. I want this to be my reality, too, and I'm working toward it.

[00:01:35]>> There's truly nothing I hate more than living with another human being.

[00:01:43]Um I I I'm just not that person. I can't live with anybody. I need to live on myself. I need to live on myself.

[00:01:55]>> [sighs] >> I can't wait to get my own place, y'all.

[00:01:58]Like this I can't wait to get my own place.

[00:02:04]If you know, you know.

[00:02:10]What's funny?

[00:02:11]I want to laugh.

[00:02:20]I don't Okay, so I heard this really interesting study today that women who live alone actually age better.

[00:02:31]Like physically and biologically.

[00:02:33][music] So, living alone lowers your cortisol levels, which means less stress living in your cells, living in your body, better [music] sleep, much stronger immune system, less inflammation, and here's the wild part.

[00:02:49]>> [music] >> It activates genes linked to longevity and cellular rejuvenation, meaning peace isn't just emotional, it's all about anti-aging. So, maybe it's not about being alone, maybe it's about just living in peace because stress is going to age us faster than time ever will. A lot of hate comments about how boring and sad my life must be as a single girl who lives alone, but let me just explain to you what happened on my Saturday. I woke up, I made myself a from scratch banana bread latte. I took that to go. I walked my dog in the Beverly Hills flats, right? Him and I, we looked at the $40 million houses without some rat in my ear telling me I could never afford it. I voice noted all my friends like I was hosting a podcast, and then I came home, I took an everything shower. It was so hot my skin turned pink, my fingers pruned. Shaved my whole body, I'm a baby dolphin now.

[00:03:39]Dermaplane my face, I did a face mask, a hair mask. I sat in my towel for 20 minutes because I really had nowhere to be. Then I used all of my favorite makeup because I'm going out to dinner with five of my closest girlfriends where we are going to split a pitcher of margaritas and drown in chips and guacamole, right?

[00:03:54]Oh, and I get to do all of this in a vintage Cavalli skirt that I've never worn before because I just got it on insane sale on Depop.

[00:04:01]So, if this is what boring looks like, then I actually fear what exciting would be. Okay, here's the thing. Um respectfully, if you're in a relationship, you definitely shouldn't be giving me this advice because it's so just like I'm a single lady and I have spent 7 to 8 years of my 12 years of living on my own, like out of college, alone. Like I have lived alone for 7 to 8 years of my adult life and I am so tired of the advice, "You should maybe spend some time alone." Do you know how many dinners I've had alone? How many nights I go to bed alone? How much I sit in silence alone? How many trips I've taken alone?

[00:04:40]How many home repairs I've done alone?

[00:04:41]How many cooking and cleaning and bringing in groceries alone?

[00:04:46]I'm a professional at the alone. I don't need that advice. I don't need that advice. I need to actually learn how to coexist with someone because when you're alone, you can control everything and that kind of creates some not so great patterns. So, respectfully, keep that to yourself. I don't that's not the advice for me. All my solo living people, are you okay? Because okay, this is my first night alone in my apartment. I've always had roommates and this is my first like solo apartment and I'm going a little bit crazy already.

[00:05:19]Already. Like this is I don't know if I like it. This is really weird.

[00:05:25]It's really quiet.

[00:05:27]I'm usually too like a very like home body type of girl, but like I just want to be around people right now.

[00:05:34]And I love my solo time, but this is a whole 'nother level of solo, but like I don't know.

[00:05:42]I don't know. So, give me some tips.

[00:05:45]What are you guys doing to like feel sane and like okay?

[00:05:50]Like the silence is really loud.

[00:05:54]It's really loud. I really feel like this meme. Like that's how I feel right now.

[00:06:00]I also don't have that much like furniture. I don't have a couch, so it's just not feeling like super cozy and homey yet, but I'm trying to put my lights up so that it's feeling a little bit more and have a candle going.

[00:06:12]So, give your girl some tips cuz I'm feeling a little weird.

[00:06:17]>> You know those days where you think I'm kind of lonely. I wish I had a man.

[00:06:22]I don't either. Just humor me for a minute. But then you look around your house and you think, "Even if I wanted one, there's no room for him." I mean, when he comes in, where is he going to put his keys, his wallet, his cell phone, his hat?

[00:06:39]He can't put them on the console table.

[00:06:41]I have flowers over there and candles and a cute frame.

[00:06:45]He can't put his dirty shoes by the couch.

[00:06:48]That's where the basket goes with all the nice little throw blankets, the ones that you never use, they just cascade down the side of the basket. And he certainly can't sleep in bed. The other side of the bed is for my snacks, my phone, my charger, my books, my lip gloss, my hair ties, my extra pillow.

[00:07:09]There's no room. He would have to bring his whole damn house cuz this one is just just perfect for me and it's maxed out.

[00:07:18]>> So, I'm staying at my sister's place this weekend while she's away to watch her dog. So, I was like, "Oh, it'll be fun, like a little glimpse of what it's like to live alone." I'm here now and I don't know what to do with myself. I don't even want to watch TV. I've always wanted to live by myself. I love being alone, but the silence is really loud right now. So, yeah, this is like a really weird feeling for me right now.

[00:07:41]Is this like a normal occurrence for when you move in somewhere on like the first night? I just seen a video of a girl saying that living alone is so scary.

[00:07:50]I agree. Highly not recommended. Like, I'm 32 and throughout my entire life I lived alone maybe like 6 months. Never again. I was so excited to get my own place, you know, walk around naked, do whatever I want to do, have whoever I want to have over.

[00:08:07]That is not worth the terror that you're going to go through in the middle of the night. God forbid you wake up like mid-morning, like 3:00 a.m. trying to go to the bathroom. All the lights are off.

[00:08:21]It's dark as hell.

[00:08:22]That is so scary. And I'm a person who used to watch a lot of scary movies. So, The Conjuring, Insidious, those movies have scarred me. Like, they say whenever you watch scary movies, that energy can really attach to you.

[00:08:38]And I have not watched a scary movie in years and it still haunts me like when I'm alone.

[00:08:45]Like, everyone leaves the house.

[00:08:49]By the time it get dark, if I'm alone, I'm going to be so scared. Like, texting my people like, "When are y'all coming back?"

[00:08:56]>> How I stay safe living alone as a woman.

[00:08:58]First, I lock my door and put down nails on the floor. So, if someone tries to break in, they step on them and get hurt. Secondly, I play a man's voice every 15 minutes to make it sound like a guy is home and scare intruders away.

[00:09:09]Thirdly, I keep my favorite piece of metal in a bedside cabinet safe so it's right by my side when I sleep. And I can unlock it instantly with just my fingerprint. Lastly, I leave a pair of men's shoes outside the door to make it look like I'm not living alone.

[00:09:21]>> I'm laying on my [ __ ] couch watching TV and thank god I didn't get [ __ ] high because I was ready to smoke my pen and fall asleep.

[00:09:28]>> [snorts] >> It's like 12:30 right now. I'm curled up on the couch with my [ __ ] dog watching The Purge, of course, out of all [ __ ] movies. Something Something is going to [ __ ] happen to me.

[00:09:37]I'm laying there and next thing you know, someone just [ __ ] bangs on my front door so [ __ ] loud. Like it made my stomach fall to my ass. I swear to God. Like it was >> [snorts] >> It didn't sound like even if it's if someone's [ __ ] pranking me, it's not [ __ ] funny. Like [ __ ] you. I already feel my most my most vulnerable in a situation when I'm by myself living in a house when I don't have someone masculine [snorts] to [ __ ] sit here and make me feel safe. Like why am I dealing with this?

[00:10:07]Nobody [snorts] that I know is answering the [ __ ] phone. People that I could [ __ ] talk to don't want to come through and it's like [ __ ] you guys.

[00:10:14]I'm literally in my walk-in closet. Like locked myself in my bathroom in my [ __ ] closet. Like my bedroom door doesn't have a [ __ ] lock. My front door is locked. All my doors in the house are locked.

[00:10:24]I'm not certain that my windows are [ __ ] locked, but like [ __ ] My dog went [ __ ] crazy and I picked her up and ran into my [ __ ] bathroom and I called the cops and now I'm just [ __ ] waiting until they show up. But seriously, like what the [ __ ] It is so peaceful to have your own [ __ ] place, but when you deal with some [ __ ] like this, you just don't know what the [ __ ] to do. I have nothing on me.

[00:10:45]>> [snorts] >> I have nothing on me and I'm scared to leave my [ __ ] bathroom. I literally don't want to leave my [ __ ] bathroom.

[00:10:50]My dog has not barked since they have not knocked again like that, but that knock was so [ __ ] loud. It rattled my [ __ ] house.

[00:10:58]>> [snorts] >> And I'm like, what the actual [ __ ] I probably would have went into a spiral if I was high as [ __ ] and heard that [ __ ] knock. Because I get paranoid with [ __ ] like that when I'm high thinking someone's going to come into my house and kill me type [ __ ] I don't know. [snorts] Okay, but I was just laying there and this [ __ ] happens to me and I'm seriously freaking the [ __ ] out.

[00:11:18]>> [snorts] >> Welcome back to part two of living alone as a woman is absolutely terrifying.

[00:11:24]So, let me walk you through the situation. I'm walking out to my kitchen to put a mug in the sink, right?

[00:11:32]My curtains are closed and there is my my back door that goes onto a balcony.

[00:11:38]Now, this balcony ends right there because I want a corner unit.

[00:11:44]So, tell me why I walk down the hall and come face-to-face with a man looking in my window, looking into my apartment.

[00:11:55]When I tell you my my heart stopped, I I didn't even know what to do.

[00:12:00]I just stood there.

[00:12:01]And he looked at me and then he turned around and left. And I don't know where he is. Like, I was trying to peek out my window and I think he's like still around the building. Like, I saw him walking.

[00:12:16]But, I just know that he knows I'm here alone because from that spot you can see literally my entire apartment, um except for my bedroom and my bathroom.

[00:12:26]So, I'm pretty sure he knows I'm here alone and like my doors are locked, but like he didn't threaten me, so I can't call the police or anything.

[00:12:35]But, like why are you looking in my window? Like, clearly clearly you're looking for something. I don't know. I'm I'm just really scared right now and my doors are locked, but like someone could break them. Like, I literally posted a video a few weeks ago of someone breaking my door down. So, like what if that happens again?

[00:13:01]Yeah, I think my only choice right now is to go in my room, turn all the lights off in my house, and hope that they don't come back.

[00:13:08]This is why it's so [ __ ] scary to live by yourself as a woman.

[00:13:12]>> The physical emotional tax of living alone in residency is something that goes understated. It's something that I wish I had thought about a little bit more before coming to residency because the thing is that life continues to happen. Life happens. And in a lot of other jobs, you will get a little bit of time to take a step back and take care of your life things and then come back to work. But in medicine as a whole, that is unfortunately not really the case because your job deals with other people's lives. Like a couple years ago, one of my attendings had a really really sick kid uh and she had honestly really no other choice because she didn't have any other family members in town, so she had to bring the kid to work and kind of like take care of her while doing her like clinical work. 2 years ago, I popped my tire on a Wednesday and my car doesn't have a spare, so I had to basically take Ubers back and forth from work until I could actually physically take care of it on Saturday. Family illnesses, personal illnesses, losing things like your wallet, these things these life things happen and residency as a whole does not give you as much time to take care of those things. And these are the small things that then like slowly lead to you tiring out mentally.

[00:14:27]Attendinghood is a little better because you have a little bit more control over your time, but still on the whole, you're taking care of other people and sometimes they they need you. And while we are moving towards making residency more sustainable in these ways and in the sense of like making sure there is more time to do life personal things, um the culture of medicine as a whole is not really friendly to work-life balance.

[00:14:54]And there are actually practical reasons for that and it's going to take a lot of time to to really get to a place where we feel like work-life balance is truly being honored. And I personally didn't choose residency based on location, but I can see why some people would.

[00:15:10]>> My least favorite chore is emptying the dishwasher. I think it's because it's a very loud activity and sometimes the plates like scrape against each other and I hate that noise and I just I don't like the loud. I don't like the act I just don't like it.

[00:15:23]So, I will literally run my dishwasher and then I'll like use the dishwasher as a cabinet for the next week. I'm like, "Oh, I need a plate? Get it out of the dishwasher. I need a coffee mug? Just take it out of the dishwasher." And then I'll like hand wash things that need to be washed or I'll just leave [ __ ] in the sink. Like, whatever. And today I was like, "Oh, I really should empty the dishwasher." Why? Why should I do that?

[00:15:42]I live alone. My process works for me.

[00:15:45]There's so many other things in the world to worry about and we are constantly trying to like better ourselves and I should do this and I should do that and I should run my life this way and I should run my household this way. Okay. I live alone and I use my dishwasher as an extra cabinet because it actually irks me to empty it.

[00:16:04]That's okay. That's literally okay. And maybe one day I'll get to a point where I'm like, "You know what? Now emptying the dishwasher fits in with my life." Or maybe I'll move in with someone one day and I'm like, "You know what? I'm going to be respectful and empty the dishwasher." But right now for my chapter of life, it works the way I'm doing it right now. It feels good for me. So, I'm not going to use the word should. I'm just going to keep living.

[00:16:32]I'm doing my Sunday reset in my apartment and I just figured I would show you how I live in a one-bedroom with one income as a single mom. So, I just want to show you how I have it set up in case you were interested in making the best of a one-bedroom situation or even if you're just curious on how I live in a one-bedroom in this economy.

[00:16:46]All right, coming in we have my little shoe station. Safety first, always. Um let's see.

[00:16:54]Right here, we have my TV, my dresser, my mirror, my gym stuff.

[00:16:59]Basically, I turned this living room into my room. So, it's studio side for me and then for my son, he got the room.

[00:17:05]So, I'll show you how I set it up. So, I have my work stuff, my gym stuff.

[00:17:09]If I didn't have my gym stuff, I definitely think that it would look a lot bigger, but you'll see I do own a lot of clothes, so I'm just a girl. Anyways, I love my setup, honestly. I have my side table at I have tons of seating in case I have people over like I have literally six chairs right off the bat and my bed.

[00:17:24]This is my kitchen. I love my kitchen.

[00:17:26]Honestly, I love the colors. It gets the job done. I'm not mad about it. I have a pantry here as well as I have my bathroom. My bathroom's pretty big, so it's nice. This is a big room. Honestly, I think you could even have bunk beds in here if you had like two boys, two girls, and they'd still live comfortably.

[00:17:43]This one does have a porch, too, but it's basically just my son's. It's literally just my son's parking garage.

[00:17:50]All right, and then I do have this So, this is my closet utility room situation. It is so overwhelming, but I'm still going to show it just how I have it set up with obviously the white bars that are on top, which were not enough for me and my son, so I added these things. I have two of these in here.

[00:18:06]Right here, and then we also have cubbies, too, for Soren's extra stuff.

[00:18:09]Um so, cuz it's very overwhelming in here. I plan to get some stuff to help organize this more.

[00:18:13]But, yeah.

[00:18:15]I could honestly even do a price breakdown for you if you're interested in how much I spend and how much it costs to live in a one-bedroom. Um it's still very expensive. I pay $1,100 just for rent. It does include water, too, but that's still so much money, but this is how we live to live comfortably and where I'm able to save money.

[00:18:32]And we both have our own room.

[00:18:34]>> I live alone in a pretty small apartment that I love, and I also love living alone. But, it is true that I have experienced some of the loneliest nights of my life particularly in the past 7 months, but also in this apartment. And anytime those nights come to call, I have to remind myself that I worked incredibly hard for the privilege of feeling this lonely. Because in order to feel this lonely, I had to have an incredibly difficult conversation with someone I cared very much about. I had to live in a friend's house for 3 months out in the suburbs and commute every day when I wanted to come into the city and do things. I had to um navigate life through the fog of grief of ending a relationship. I had to hire movers, find a new place to live. Um I painted every room in this apartment. I have meticulously organized and reorganized and decorated and redecorated and purged things and done many drop-offs at Goodwill to make this a place that I want to be. And so when I am feeling lonely in this space, I have to remember it is a loneliness that I fought for.

[00:19:46]And emotions come in waves, so I'm confident that my loneliness is not ever going to last forever.

[00:19:54]But even in my loneliness, I remind myself this did not come easy, the ability to be in this space and have a safe space to feel alone.

[00:20:08]So if you are someone who is in your little bitty starting over apartment and you love it, but you're having a wave come up, like just remember you would not be feeling so lonely right now if you did not fight so hard for yourself.

[00:20:28]And I think there's something really beautiful in that.

[00:20:33]>> Living alone has made me realize I don't actually hate myself anymore. It's like kind of had this little realization, so I wanted to share it. This is my first time living alone. I'm 32. I've lived alone now for about like 6 weeks, almost 7 weeks I think. It feels longer, it feels shorter at times. And I have definitely learned a lot about myself in this whole transition. It was like a harder transition and change to make than I ever anticipated because this is something I'd literally been working for for a long time and I really wanted it And then as soon as I got in it, I was like, "Oh, this is it." And then I almost went through all these waves of different emotions, and almost like I feel like a little grieving period. It was really weird. I usually would get home at the end of the day on a day like today where it's like cloudy, rainy, gross, and I just feel kind of like nah, I don't really have like a good vibe going, or like my mood doesn't feel super high, probably cuz I haven't seen the sun. I would then take out any sort of like frustrations, feelings on my parents as soon as I would get home, or like anyone around me, and I would be like really cranky and in a foul mood until the next day.

[00:21:49]And so I got home, and I just like started to almost panic a little bit about like minor but major things like money. As soon as I go down that little spiral, I start to panic about like my entire life, and like my future, and everything like that. And then I start to feel like really like sorry for myself, and I pity myself. But I just like sat there and was like, "No, I don't actually want to spend my evening doing this. And there is no one around me. Like I will feed that shitty energy back into myself because there is no one else here with me. I almost think having that realization was exactly what I needed today. I don't know what who above was like, "You need this." Because I easily could spend the evening not feeling good, and like beating myself up for multiple things. Or I could just like really comfort myself this evening. Like living alone, I can do whatever I want. I'm going to have a bath. I'm going to make some random dinner with random food because I don't really feel like cooking. And then I'm just going to watch TV, and all my chores and stuff like that.

[00:23:03]I'll push till tomorrow because I don't feel like doing it tonight and I'm not going to like [ __ ] on myself because I wasn't able to do it.

[00:23:10]I think when you're constantly by yourself and alone a lot, you really have two ways of which you can play at the game in your brain. Number one, you can go down the road of like constantly fighting with yourself and just like not being kind to yourself, which is really how I spent most of my life. Or option B, I don't know if I just said A or B, but we're going this way, you flip the switch and you realize that you are the only constant in your life and this is actually going to make me cry because I have been working my entire life to like myself, become my own best friend, enjoy my own company, and then also feel confident about other people.

[00:23:57]And I just had this weird realization that I'm kind of in it right now and things like this just happen. There's no timeline.

[00:24:07]You just work on it constantly until this moment. Really insane thing to not hate yourself every single day, all day long.

[00:24:18]>> [sighs and gasps] >> It's crispy. I truly am convinced that the reason that we don't like being alone is because we don't actually like ourselves. Hear me out. I have wanted to live alone for so long. Like I have completely dreamed about it, manifested it, and I am now in it. I find myself feeling lonely and I have moments where I think this is going to be my life forever, like I'm going to be alone forever.

[00:24:41]I am single. I have been single my entire life. Like that's not anything new and it's not something that I hold embarrassment over or shame over anymore. It just simply is what my journey has been and currently is. God, literally no idea what's going to happen tomorrow. I just simply am in the moment and this is my reality right now. It doesn't mean it's my life forever. I have never been good at being alone, like ever in my entire life, ever since I was like a literal child, probably like 2 years old. I've really reflected on this over the last few months just because I have realized that I rely heavily on other people to help me through things to this point where I relied so much on talking to people about hard things that were going on in my life and almost feeling like I needed to be validated before I could even help myself out my like on my own, like trust myself and use my own strength.

[00:25:35]And so now I'm kind of at a position where I don't want to rely on other people. I do like talking to people, sure. I do like confiding in people. I do like knowing someone is there for me, but I also feel like I have to learn how to do that for myself. And I am realizing that living alone is very much like that.

[00:25:55]I've known basically my entire life that I don't like myself.

[00:26:01]I've known that not everyone feels this way about themselves, but I also know that as women we do live in a world where we're taught and we're told that we need to continuously change ourselves to fit the mold or to fit in and now we need to continuously shrink ourselves to fit in. And I've been very good at doing that my entire life. I'm no longer sad about being single.

[00:26:25]>> [music] >> Sure, sometimes I do wish I had someone that I could literally fall onto, but I think if I can get to a point where I am that person for myself, I feel like my life is going to be really, really good. And I also am going to be really proud of myself. It's a really insane thing to not hate yourself every single day, all day long.

[00:26:48]Oh, I didn't think I would get so emotional.

[00:26:51]To look at yourself in the mirror and not pull yourself apart 24/7. Not feel like you have to stand on a scale literally 200 times a day because just seeing a number go down will actually make you feel okay. It's a really weird place to be in.

[00:27:07]But the more that I'm in it, the more I become comfortable in it and the less I question myself. And the more I just really want to get to know myself and actually like truly become my own best friend and not be so clingy to other people. Life is a work in progress.

[00:27:23]We're all human. We're all learning.

[00:27:25]We're all figuring it out. So, there's no reason to beat yourself up for just being human. I am definitely going to share more of my journey of living alone and kind of embracing this chapter of my life and learning to land being alone.

[00:27:42]Honestly, it's one of those days where we're literally working with crumbs. So, I'm going to jumble up my crumbs while I talk to you guys. Um how was your day? I am honestly a little stressed at work and I love my job a lot, but it's getting busy and I'm like important and people care about me and my opinion um on a lot of things and I get really stressed about that. Honestly, I get home and I feel like I can't breathe.

[00:28:12]Um and that's just something I'm going to have to live with. Honestly, I think it's a emotional [ __ ] nervous system regulation thing that I can't figure out.

[00:28:23]Cuz I literally get home every day and I walk through the front door and I'm like >> [gasps] >> like I feel like I can breathe again.

[00:28:31]It's like a little crazy. And it's not cuz I love my job. It's not because my job is bad. I love everyone I work with.

[00:28:36]It's literally just because the insurmountable pressure of having to keep myself alive is kind of crazy. I I alone.

[00:28:46]I live in a house. My the property I live on is 4 acres. Like there's a lot going on. Lots to pay for.

[00:28:55]Lots to keep maintained. And that's a lot of pressure for a single lady, if I'm being honest, because I am working off one income here and it's a pretty good [ __ ] income, if we're being honest, and I'm still struggling.

[00:29:10]I'm living paycheck to paycheck.

[00:29:12]Um my bank account is $20 away from being negative as we speak. And it's my bill all my bills usually I'm one of those people that are like all my bills are paid though, not this month. I'll tell you that. Straight up or moose.

[00:29:26]Probably still closed as we speak. I actually have no idea. I had to buy oil for my house. That was $700.

[00:29:32]Um just easy light $700, right? Where it's like Oh, I can afford that. For sure. No problem. Um and I it it helps even more when you have like a literal geriatric dementia-ridden, literally waterlogged president who always has your back throughout the whole thing. Just really like brings me some extra comfort throughout it all. Really does. So.

[00:30:00]In the meantime, I get really [ __ ] high and I pretend like none of this exists. So. Um Got these.

[00:30:09]These aren't even new. I just want to show you these. These are my motorcycle gloves.

[00:30:14]And this is my helmet.

[00:30:17]LS2. I think it's a strobe two.

[00:30:20]And I got a special visor.

[00:30:25]Love that and the Cardo, of course.

[00:30:30]So I can talk to my dad while I'm riding my motorcycle.

[00:30:35]Um hope everyone's having a great week.

[00:30:38]I'm not, honestly. And it's It's cuz my week is bad.

[00:30:42]I It is uh My week is okay. It's Monday.

[00:30:49]So.

[00:30:51]>> [snorts] >> Um yeah, just a lot going on. Work is crazy.

[00:30:55]Um I did have a really bad week. So, I traveled for work last week. I literally was like gone Monday through Friday.

[00:31:04]And [snorts] I Everyone on this [ __ ] account already knows, but I'm on a [ __ ] little weight loss journey or whatever.

[00:31:10]And I've lost like 70 lb. I've been doing really good, but last week was a very bad week. I was traveling, pretty much triggered all week because I traveled back to the literal exact part of Missouri where I used to live for 3 years and I was like depressed all the time.

[00:31:26]So, yeah, that was like triggering. So, I was like driving around like my old neighborhood and [ __ ] It was actually like kind of crazy. Um because I was stranded in Missouri for 3 years. I lived there and I couldn't leave or else I'd have to find a new job. And I love my jobs. So, it was like not the best situation and then I had to go back and that was really shitty. So, I just literally wanted to eat every single thing I saw everywhere and I couldn't take my Zepbound because I can't fly with literal syringes. Or can you actually?

[00:31:55]>> [snorts] >> And I just ruined my week for nothing.

[00:31:57]I have a prescription. My name's on the bottle. Can I do that? Can you fly with syringes?

[00:32:03]People have to fly with syringes. I'm a [ __ ] dumbass.

[00:32:08]All right. Well, anyway.

[00:32:11]I'm going to [ __ ] I'm going to [ __ ] go watch Love Island cuz like what the [ __ ] >> There's a video that I saw of a man asking a landlord, what is the difference between a woman living alone and a man living alone? What does he notice in the dynamics of renting or home ownership as a single woman versus a single man? He said that when a man lives alone and he is single, he said the obvious is that most of the time the men are, you know, a lot messier than the women are. But, he said the biggest thing that he notices is that when a man is single and he is partnered up with a woman or he is dating a woman, he does not allow the woman to come into his quarters of living and take over his quarters of living. He still dominates his space because it is therefore his space.

[00:33:08]He says that women, when they live alone and they have their own space and then they decide to date and they decide to have a partner, the man will then come into the home and he will dominate the space. The woman will allow the man to dominate the space.

[00:33:27]The woman will allow the man to take over the space, eat up all her food, give her orders to follow in her own home, and essentially dominate a place that he does not own.

[00:33:43]He's dominating a place that he does not pay any rent into. He's dominating the space of a woman and women allow this to happen. Men do not. Men do not allow women to come into their space and say, "Oh, you need to change these decorations." Or not even, "You need to.

[00:34:00]I'm going to change these decorations, you know?"

[00:34:03]The man comes home to the house and everything, the carpet is pulled up and this and that and you know, the woman giving the man orders and you need to eat this and I'm going to swap out the He says that does not really happen when men live alone. That happens when women live alone. A lot of women that live alone, they believe that a man wants to constantly be in her home and be in her space because he wants to spend time with her. She usually takes it as a sign of interest that like, "Oh, he just can't be apart from me." You know, if this man is living with his parents, if this man has roommates, um even if this man does live alone and he always wants to be in your space and you live alone as a woman, he does not want to be in your space because he wants to spend time with you.

[00:34:55]He does not want to be in your space because he enjoys your time so much. I would say nine times out of 10, these men want to constantly be in your space because they want to dominate over your space.

[00:35:08]They don't want to have to worry about paying rent. They want to not have to worry about paying for groceries, and they want to be able to boss someone around. They want to be able to make someone feel uncomfortable in their own space, and they want to be able to lord over somebody. It has nothing to do with the fact that they love you and that they care about you so much that they want to be able to spend time with you.

[00:35:31]One of the largest mistakes that I see women make, they end up buying their own home or getting their first apartment, and then they start dating, and then they end up really liking the guy, and the guy is showing in a lot of interest, and then before you know it, within the first month to one to six months, before you know it, the man the man is now living with the woman. He has now moved himself in and he's living with the living with the woman. That is when these issues start. A lot of these issues start when these men y'all allow these men to cohabitate with y'all. My own father even says, he will never move in with a woman.

[00:36:09]He will never move in with a woman. My father believes that a man moving in with a woman is a red flag. And the reason why he believes that it's a red flag is honestly purely projection.

[00:36:23]Because a A of men that are like, "Okay, I would never want to move in with a woman."

[00:36:27]They usually always give the same reason. And the reason that they usually give is that I don't want to move in with a woman because what if she just wakes up one day and decides that like, you know, my dad says I wore the wrong shoes that day and she decides that she wants to kick me out. Men under Men that think like that understand that they don't want someone to lord over them when their livelihood would be at risk.

[00:36:49]Anything involving food, shelter, housing, etc. You will You never ever ever want to give someone the power to be able to lord over you in regards to the decisions that that person makes impacting you when it comes to your survival.

[00:37:06]Smart men understand that. So, a lot of men are like, "No. Mhm.

[00:37:10]Uh-uh. I'm not going to move in with a woman because they understand. They understand the dynamic that would be taking place if the shoe were on the other foot. A lot of men know what they're capable of and so they make decisions understanding that, "Okay, if I have moved somebody into my place then I probably would feel a little bit more comfortable telling them what they can and can't do because it's my place. So, why would I not think the reverse of the opposite sex when they very well could have that power. You know what I mean?"

[00:37:39]And this is for the men that just simply choose not to enact that power once they are in a dynamic where let's just say they move a woman into their space.

[00:37:48]Do not, I repeat, do not allow these men to come up in your home. Do not. Okay?

[00:37:55]Do not. And especially don't allow a man to have mail be delivered to your place.

[00:37:59]Do not. Don't Oh, I want to have this delivered over here. Oh, I want to have mail sent here. Absolutely the [ __ ] not.

[00:38:06]In a lot of states, I think it's only like a month.

[00:38:10]All a person has to do is just have mail uh sent to the location of your place for like I think a month and they are able to maintain residency and say that that is their residence that they live at once they start receiving mail there for I believe 30 days. Do not do it.

[00:38:30]Enjoy the comfort of your own place.

[00:38:33]You can go over to his place and pack a little weekend bag, your little sleeping in the night bag, and have fun that way, and do your little do that way, and then be able to go the [ __ ] home. But do not let these men come up in your home, please.

[00:38:45]>> Yep.

[00:38:47]I am totally the same.

[00:38:50]I have to live alone now after being married twice, after living with other boyfriends, I have to live alone. And let me explain it in this way, okay? So, over Christmas, my kids came home. They came home, they flew home on Christmas Day, and the next day, they both had 103° fevers. And they had never been so sick. They are 23 and 22, and they were dying. And I had never been so thrilled.

[00:39:31]And I know that sounds terrible. Sounds awful, right? But the thing of it was is that for the first time in years, I got to take care of both of my babies.

[00:39:44]I was making soup, I was buying medicine, I was running baths, I was getting cool towels, I was tucking them in and rubbing their heads, and I was you know, we were just snuggled up all together on the couch.

[00:39:59]And um watching movies cuz nobody could do anything else, and it was literally the best.

[00:40:05]And it's because I love to take care of the people who I love. If you are in my house. You are having an excellent time. I am making sure you have everything you need. I am getting groceries. I am making sure the place is spotless. I myself look good and smell good and I'm in a good mood and I'm usually somewhat entertaining. And I do all of this because I love you and I want you to enjoy your time with me, right?

[00:40:49]And that is what I did for all of the men in my life. All of the men who I lived with got to have a very excellent experience. They got to be taken care of and I love to do that, okay? So, when you get to that point, though, where you're like, I love to do this, but this feels wildly unfair.

[00:41:26]Even though I love it, you start to feel like a doormat. And what does every single man say at that point? Well, nobody asked you to do this. Yeah.

[00:41:39]My kids didn't ask me to take care of them when they were sick, either. I could have told them to pound sand and I could have left and still gone to all the family parties, but I didn't because I love them and it is in my immutable nature to care and take care of the people who I love. It isn't an option for me.

[00:42:08]But the other thing that isn't an option for me is for me to build up resentment.

[00:42:15]I know it's a catch-22.

[00:42:19]I don't know what to tell you, and that's just the bottom line.

[00:42:23]It's an unfortunate set of circumstances that I can give and give and give and give until all of a sudden ding-dong ringing that bell because the doormat has arrived. And I don't want to be a doormat. I don't want to wake up in the morning and open my eyes and realize that I have been completely taken advantage of, that my good nature has been sucked right out of my body.

[00:42:51]And that's what happened to me.

[00:42:53]Time and time and time again.

[00:42:57]And that's why I know I have to live alone. Because I don't want to feel that way.

[00:43:05]But it's sad because I also am now missing out on a huge part of my life that I do enjoy. Which is taking care of someone.

[00:43:18]I think there are people in this life who are genuinely happy being single.

[00:43:23]And I think that's great.

[00:43:26]But it sucks when you're not one of them, when you're a hopeless romantic such as myself.

[00:43:33]And it just never seems to happen for you.

[00:43:39]And I don't mean that in um like a codependent way because I think you would have to have a dependent to be co-on.

[00:43:47]Um and or you would have to have a co to be dependent on. And I'm never I'm chronically single all the time. So this isn't coming from like I'm not like a serial dater that's like no, this is coming from someone who's very consistently single.

[00:44:06]Very, very consistently single. And I mean years, years and years and years.

[00:44:11]And I don't love it. I don't love it.

[00:44:14]And I I think it's great that people love it, and I'm sure in some weird way this will be tied to like my self-worth or or like probably some stupid [ __ ] childhood trauma. I don't know. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it today, but I want to fall in love. I really do. And whatever, that's like chuggy or embarrassing or it is what it is, but I do. I want to find my person. I want to have someone to share my life with. And it just seems like I'm 27.

[00:44:45]It just seems like everyone around me has found it.

[00:44:49]Whether it's great or not great is, you know, none of my business, but it's something.

[00:44:56]And I just consistently have nothing.

[00:44:59]>> [sighs] >> And I'm not the type of person that can settle and just deal with like bare minimum or like this person kind of pisses me off, but like I'll go with the flow. Like I'm not. Like I want I want the real thing. I've had it before.

[00:45:13]I was really young, but I felt like I know what it's like to be in like a deep love with someone who's your best friend, and it's the best feeling in the world.

[00:45:23]And I just have this deep embarrassing fear that I will share with my burner TikTok that I will never fall in love.

[00:45:34]That I will never have that like deep love again, and that is like truly my greatest fear.

[00:45:44]And I don't know.

[00:45:47]I'm obviously not going to keep I'm not going to like stop trying or whatever, but I guess just if anyone out there also has this fear like I see you, and I'm with you, and I feel you.

[00:46:02]Because I think we're surrounded by people who are like in relationships.

[00:46:06]It's always people in relationships or serial daters or what the [ __ ] ever that like have so much advice on how great it is to be single and like enjoy your time or you know, it's like please please you wouldn't understand.

[00:46:21]You wouldn't [ __ ] get it.

[00:46:23]You're always you're always doing something. If you haven't sat with yourself for 2 seconds, I've sat with myself for 10 [ __ ] years. Trust me.

[00:46:31]I've earned the right to say, "Hey, I'm ready."

[00:46:35]And I don't think that that's some extension of me not loving myself. I think it's the opposite. I think I love myself enough to know that I am ready to love someone fully and to to want that to be reciprocated.

[00:46:48]And to feel that I deserve it.

[00:46:52]>> [sighs] >> I'm just Today is just one of those days where I'm just exhausted. I'm just I'm just tired of being alone.

[00:47:02]>> That's why this conversation feels bigger than just living alone.

[00:47:06]Some people love having their own space, and for them, the peace is worth the cost.

[00:47:12]Other people are realizing that living by yourself can feel lonely, stressful, or financially tight after a while.

[00:47:20]But the bigger issue is the same either way.

[00:47:23]Rent is higher, bills are higher, and one paycheck doesn't stretch as far as it used to.

[00:47:29]So living alone is not just a lifestyle choice anymore.

[00:47:32]It's become a housing decision and a budget decision.

[00:47:36]And for a lot of people, basic independence is starting to feel a lot more expensive than it should.

[00:48:02]>> Mhm.