Outsider Trading Comics BINGE

追加: 2026-06-04

[00:00:13]Omnicia, you know the future and all. Can you tell me how to get the best bang for my buck on the whole human investment thingy?

[00:00:22]>> I do not know the future. I know every outcome and the chance they'll happen.

[00:00:27]I'm confident I'll explain this to you for the rest of your natural life.

[00:00:31]>> So, you won't help me?

[00:00:32]>> If informed of your future actions, they will change, as will the outcome. A catch 22, as they say.

[00:00:40]>> Oh, I got it. You're still on Graves side.

[00:00:43]>> Aie, don't be nasty. You know, I only got with Graves because I could predict with certainty I would win in the divorce.

[00:00:52]>> Can I give your antenn?

[00:00:55]I actually don't know what would happen.

[00:00:58]Let's do it.

[00:01:02]>> Hey, watcher.

[00:01:05]Scan human social media sites and find the most talked about problems.

[00:01:12]Um, stupid [ __ ] AI. I'll just pick something I've heard of before.

[00:01:21]So, for whatever reason, some of them think the others are the wrong color.

[00:01:25]>> What?

[00:01:26]>> And it's like a super common reason they kill each other.

[00:01:30]>> You're [ __ ] with me, right?

[00:01:31]>> Dead serious.

[00:01:32]>> So, we should probably sell them and give up, huh?

[00:01:36]>> No, I was thinking we just make them all the same color.

[00:01:38]>> Idiot problems call for idiot solutions.

[00:01:49]What the >> Hey, [ __ ] I still hate you. I'M GOING TO KILL YOU.

[00:01:53]>> ANY REASON you could tell at first glance? Like skin color or PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS?

[00:01:58]>> I'M ANGRY. I'LL FIND SOMETHING.

[00:02:01]>> YOU SEEM PRETTY hatable yourself, mister.

[00:02:04]>> I guess they just do that.

[00:02:06]>> Well, we're learning. Hey guys, what's cracking? If you're watching a compilation of outsider trading comics, I bet you're always wondering how you can get your next little taste. That's where our sponsor comes in, cuz we're not sponsored. It's [ __ ] me. The Asuck Comic Shop. The shop is engorged with original art and comics from the Outsider Trading series. Not only is it OT content you can get your grubby little those weird sticks on the ends of your arms on, but also every purchase directly supports the show and comics.

[00:02:36]Click the link in the pin comment or the description to get yours today. Back to the video.

[00:02:42]>> That stuff last night was crazy. Where did you get it from?

[00:02:47]>> Some weird guy off campus lives downtown. What number?

[00:02:51]>> Yeah.

[00:02:52]>> 420 69 infinity 808.

[00:02:55]>> Hey, >> cool.

[00:03:00]My friend gave me your number and said you sell >> 663 Black Hole Strip Boulevard, apartment infinity 1 infinity whenever >> I think I'm here.

[00:03:17]>> Are you here for >> Yeah.

[00:03:18]>> What you looking for? We got spaghettaman mushrooms, PCPCP, Minemm DMA, LGBT, Lmento, you name it.

[00:03:24]>> Everything but IRS. Nothing wild. Just looking for a cup.

[00:03:29]>> No.

[00:03:30]>> Customers always right.

[00:03:32]>> A gajillion billion dollar.

[00:03:34]>> 300 a G.

[00:03:35]>> Dude, that's a rep.

[00:03:37]>> You could always take Ammoeba up on his price.

[00:03:39]>> Just went up.

[00:03:41]>> Come on, give me a deal.

[00:03:43]>> You could also find another way to pay.

[00:03:46]>> Actually, I don't feel comfortable buying drugs from you.

[00:03:50]>> All right. Well, have a good day.

[00:03:53]>> I'm still going to cuz I want the drugs.

[00:03:56]Just know I don't feel comfortable.

[00:03:58]>> Okay, weirdo.

[00:03:59]>> Crackhead.

[00:04:00]>> Weirdest thing anyone's ever traded for drugs? Usually just like sexual favors or their valuables, low key. Well, I guess Carl WAS TRADED FOR THAT.

[00:04:10]>> AFTER THAT, WE STUCK TO mostly just money. Carl can't do deals no more.

[00:04:14]>> Fair enough. So, that's 7 kilos of spaghettamine.

[00:04:18]And here's your vague but large amount of currently unnamed in the canon currency.

[00:04:23]>> Hey, fantastic.

[00:04:26]The [ __ ] with this guy?

[00:04:29]>> Oh, [ __ ] >> Oh, I'm so sorry to have judged you so hastily. My eye deceived me. Doesn't work so good since I got stabbed in it.

[00:04:39]>> Everyone's been there, man. You You don't got to worry about it.

[00:04:42]>> How did that work?

[00:04:44]>> So, we take a brick of spaghettine and some of something else. And the extra weight lets us stretch our product a little bit more.

[00:04:50]>> Won't the something else make it hit different?

[00:04:53]>> That's why you got to be careful. Cut your stuff with random crap and the effects can be a bit.

[00:05:19]>> You ever seen your own [ __ ] Dave?

[00:05:22]>> I have now. It ain't pretty.

[00:05:23]>> Did you really expect it to be?

[00:05:25]>> No, but I was unprepared for how ugly the reality truly was. Strange.

[00:05:31]>> Oh, okay. I think I understand. I just got one more question.

[00:05:37]>> Yeah.

[00:05:38]>> The [ __ ] do I care?

[00:05:39]>> More money means more dick nuggets.

[00:05:47]>> That's the spirit, buddy.

[00:05:49]>> Kids, they got so much energy. Makes you wonder how anyone can be against child labor.

[00:06:00]>> That'll do, kid. That'll do.

[00:06:09]How many more pills we got?

[00:06:11]>> Zero.

[00:06:12]>> And how much money did we make?

[00:06:15]>> This much.

[00:06:27]These poor women, they can't afford clothes.

[00:06:34]>> Charity feels good.

[00:06:43]>> What the [ __ ] did I do last night? Hey, sleeping it off, beauty.

[00:06:50]>> Want some brekie while we decide what to do with the rest?

[00:06:53]>> Rest of what? Holy [ __ ] We still have money left over. That has literally never happened before.

[00:07:00]>> I think I saw in cartoons about a place where money lives.

[00:07:04]>> Hearsay from a child. Good enough for me. Let's go.

[00:07:08]>> Wait, wait, wait. As >> Yeah, >> you got a giant piece of corn stuck to your back.

[00:07:15]All right.

[00:07:17]>> Hi, welcome to Face Bank. How can I help you?

[00:07:23]>> Yeah, I'd like to deposit a shitload of cash.

[00:07:25]>> Certainly. And how did you go about acquiring this shitload?

[00:07:30]>> Selling drug. Wait, why do you need to know that?

[00:07:33]>> We need to report to the proper agencies for tax purposes, sir. Uh, totally legal above board stuff.

[00:07:40]>> Well, that's wonderful. Don't have to call the cops about you. Nope. Nope.

[00:07:46]>> Now, if you could just provide receipts that specify what kind of totally above board legal stuff. So, I was like, trust the bank. Who am I? GRAVES.

[00:08:07]>> [ __ ] AMMO. THEY STOLE ALL THE CASH.

[00:08:10]CORRECTION, half of it. Which honestly, after the noises I heard, I could have hid more, but they earned it.

[00:08:18]>> MY BEAUTIFUL BLUE BOY, YOU DESERVE THE WORLD.

[00:08:22]>> Let's never mess with money again.

[00:08:25]>> I've always been a bit different, even as a kid.

[00:08:28]>> I am so sorry, honey.

[00:08:29]>> You gave her a great life while she was alive. You were the best friend she could have had.

[00:08:34]>> When I saw problems, I didn't just sit there and cry.

[00:08:48]I fixed them.

[00:08:49]>> Mom, Dad, Spark is alive.

[00:08:52]>> Oh, baby. No. We talked about this.

[00:08:55]>> Ellie, Spark is alive in all our hearts, but she's gone.

[00:09:00]>> No, Dad. You don't understand. I fixed her. She's alive.

[00:09:06]>> Holy [ __ ] BALLS. IT'S A ZOMBIE. HAROLD, GET THE GUN.

[00:09:10]>> People didn't always get it.

[00:09:12]>> Why me? You go.

[00:09:14]>> BE A [ __ ] MAN. GO UPSTAIRS AND GET THE ONLY THING THAT'S EVER BEEN HARD IN OUR BEDROOM.

[00:09:18]>> YOU THINK THAT'S MY FAULT? Don't make me address the elephant in the room. Oh, wait. We're already talking.

[00:09:24]>> So, what was the afterlife like? Huh? No religion's ever summed it up like that.

[00:09:32]But well said. Hey kid, you want some candy?

[00:09:37]>> Dude, I think something's really wrong with this human. What are you?

[00:09:43]>> Don't worry about it.

[00:09:44]>> They didn't or couldn't see what I saw.

[00:09:51]My eclectic interests didn't make me popular, but they did give me unique skills. So when I got sick, I wasn't worried. This was just another problem. A problem that with the right tools, could be fixed like any other.

[00:10:14]Hi, Mom.

[00:10:15]>> Ah, Harold. The dog bita and now she's a zombie, too.

[00:10:19]>> Martha. Martha, calm down. Spark isn't a zombie, remember? And neither is Ellie.

[00:10:26]She just has cancer.

[00:10:27]>> About that.

[00:10:28]>> And autism.

[00:10:30]Ellie, you're a clanker.

[00:10:32]>> You can never JUST BE SUPPORTIVE, CAN YOU? I THINK IT'S very hip. You [ __ ] robots, honey. A very good way to spend the remaining days of your short life.

[00:10:41]>> She's not dying anymore. The paper just said she gave away the credit for her only big achievement other than chasing bugaboos.

[00:10:49]>> Some problems are easier to fix than others, and I was tired of dealing with everyone else's.

[00:11:06]Why?

[00:11:34]I'd like to welcome our top new recruit to walk the stage first, Elelliana Vault.

[00:11:53]Um, found him.

[00:12:20]God.

[00:13:11]Who dares interrupt the feeding of the great and terrible Vamporna?

[00:13:17]Vamporna.

[00:13:19]>> Yes, I stupid name.

[00:13:22]>> I thought it was funny.

[00:13:23]>> It's not supposed to be funny.

[00:13:26]>> Okay, then it's definitely stupid and really funny.

[00:13:31]>> You petulent fool. Release me at once.

[00:13:35]Wyatt, I got bigger fish to fry. It's you.

[00:13:38]>> Yep, I'm me. Who are you?

[00:13:41]>> You don't remember?

[00:13:42]>> I meet a lot of humans. So, >> I was a kid with my pet and then this creepy guy and you with a portal.

[00:13:49]>> Certainly sounds like me. But honey, if you're a child, tell your parents less soy milk and more haircuts.

[00:13:55]>> Well, that was more puberty and and surgery.

[00:13:58]>> Been there, done that.

[00:14:00]>> Would you mind fumbling or flirting anyone other than my dinner table? Oh, [ __ ] >> Well, thank you for neutralizing the threat.

[00:14:09]>> No props. She was touching my stuff anyway.

[00:14:11]>> But I still need you to hand her over and come in for questioning. Nope.

[00:14:16]>> God, what the hell did he need her for?

[00:14:44]By the order of the BAC, I hereby place you under containment.

[00:14:48]>> Look, as much as I love whatever's happening right now, I was kind of busy before this. So, >> save it, Cyclops. You're surrounded.

[00:14:58]Whatever you are, you're dumb enough to fall for a demon roach motel. Wait, you lord me here? This This was a trap for me. You saw me, remembered, and then planned far in the future and used strategy to try and catch me.

[00:15:15]>> Novel concept. I know >> you're smarter than one of you is ever supposed to be. You must raise the average like crazy.

[00:15:21]>> Real snarky for a man at a million gun points.

[00:15:24]>> Shoot. See what happens. Someone said shoot.

[00:15:26]>> Wait.

[00:15:47]Hey, Shad GPT. Is a ripped dollar bill still good if you tape it back together?

[00:15:54]>> What a great question. By asking it, you show you really understand the economics of supply and demand and the intricacies of using tape. Would you like me to glaze you some more?

[00:16:01]>> Yes, please.

[00:17:15]Can I get out of the box now?

[00:17:17]>> We can't let you go, but if you cooperate, we could make your stay here a little bit more comfortable.

[00:17:24]Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.

[00:17:30]>> Want to get trashed on Earth?

[00:17:32]>> Read my mind.

[00:17:35]>> Hello, fellow humans.

[00:17:38]>> Sup, dude.

[00:17:40]>> I think this is one of those methheads we heard about.

[00:17:43]>> Haha. No, my head is of a regular variety.

[00:17:47]>> Very good use of joke, though. I found it enjoyable. Is this one weird or am I just drunk?

[00:17:55]>> Yes, you're just drunk. I'm actually acting normal. Would you two like to wander into the woods with me?

[00:18:05]>> Sure.

[00:18:06]>> A come on. The woods at night is Wait, [ __ ] Really?

[00:18:10]>> Yeah.

[00:18:12]What could possibly go wrong?

[00:18:24]Huh? It's another shifter. You were right, Ass. I was sure it was the abominable snowman this time.

[00:18:30]>> How did you know?

[00:18:32]>> You greeted us with hello, fellow humans.

[00:18:35]>> They don't do that.

[00:18:39]>> Wait, wait, wait. I I have no choice. A girl's got to eat.

[00:18:44]>> Just keep it to the fat and stupid ones and we can call you a pruner. No shade from me. I love McDonald's.

[00:18:50]>> You know, you're kind of hot like this.

[00:18:52]I bet you could just get weird creeps to sacrifice THEMSELVES TO YOU.

[00:18:57]>> I MAY BE A RUG PULLING, IDENTITY STEALING, CRADLE ROBBING, UNION BUSTING, STOCK CRASHING, GRAVE ROBBING, WAR CRIMINAL ALLEGEDLY. BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT SAYING A SLUR.

[00:19:12]>> We need to talk ABOUT YOUR SON'S BEHAVIOR.

[00:19:15]>> He did nothing wrong. Wait, who are you?

[00:19:18]>> Amoeba's teacher.

[00:19:20]>> Amoeba, you go to school? I thought when you left during the day, you were in an ethnically ambiguous street gang.

[00:19:26]>> That's extracurriculars.

[00:19:30]>> Every time I assign something, he just doodles on the paper. And and the drawings have been somewhat concerning.

[00:19:38]>> Kids have such a wild imagination.

[00:19:40]>> He imagined you giving him cocaine.

[00:19:43]>> That's just flour. It's labeled cocaine in red crayon.

[00:19:47]>> First you say I can't pay attention, then I can't have my meds. Which is it, lady?

[00:19:52]>> This is why school is stupid. Just Karen's power tripping all day long.

[00:19:56]>> Probably cuz no one paid attention to them before they could fail us.

[00:20:01]>> I wanted to get an understanding of his home life. Very enlightening. Also, he's been distributing his medication to the other students.

[00:20:10]>> He's going to have to find another way to focus. What? This is so unfair. I'm so angry I could shoot up a office.

[00:20:58]Okay. So, what's the human species main weakness?

[00:21:04]>> Dude, you only cloned her body. The most life experience she had was you poking her with a pencil.

[00:21:10]>> Oh yeah, >> that gives me another idea.

[00:21:16]>> Nope.

[00:21:18]>> She's got the mind of a baby. I won't subject her to your search history.

[00:21:23]>> A >> You could try again with the cup of spit.

[00:21:26]>> No, I drank it.

[00:21:27]>> Ew. Wait, what about the tissue?

[00:21:31]>> Don't ask. Why do humans spend most of their day looking at glowing rectangles?

[00:21:37]>> They're smartphones.

[00:21:38]>> But we have those and we don't do it most of the time we're awake.

[00:21:42]>> The humans who made them designed their social media to be addictive. It's like phones and drugs, but at the same time.

[00:21:48]>> Wait, why does that sound so awesome?

[00:21:50]>> In practice, it sucks.

[00:21:52]>> Yeah, that's all things that sound awesome, like marriage or communism.

[00:21:56]Cool on paper, everyone dies a broke [ __ ] in reality. Every once in a while, you say something truly profound.

[00:22:03]>> I ate my own vomit today. Unprompted. I liked it and will do it again.

[00:22:09]>> And you're back.

[00:22:10]>> Wait, so let me get this straight. A small group of humans designed these apps to be as addictive as possible. Why would someone do something so horrible to their own kind?

[00:22:21]>> Well, the human in charge wanted a nice house and a hot wife, so >> Oh, okay. Good reason. No more questions.

[00:22:32]Summoning ritual. Draw the pentagram in the specified dimensions. Serve snake head. Human eye stolen from medical ward. Pounds of oobleck. Octopus tentacle. Four dabs of acid while seated in the center of the pentagram. A goth chick must consume all offerings.

[00:22:52]>> Oh great seer, tell us what awaits when we exit this mortal plane. I don't know what you're doing with dead people now.

[00:22:59]I think you still burn them or throw them in holes.

[00:23:01]>> No, like where does the sacred energy inside us go?

[00:23:05]>> What are you morons talking about? Magic isn't real. You just die. Mostly when I need beer.

[00:23:10]>> Well, this is a disappointing summoning.

[00:23:14]>> Summoning? Nah, I was just hanging out in your friend's guts, whispering in her brain, cuz I wanted to see if I could get her to do all that gross [ __ ] Next, get nose ring to smoke a dead bug out of a bong. Or or better yet, get fatty and skinny to [ __ ] Then we be elabub or something. I promise.

[00:23:29]>> Do you think we're idiots? You don't know be elabub.

[00:23:33]>> Yeah, cuz we don't want to do that at all.

[00:23:36]>> Right. You don't want to meet me. She's crazy. But you can't quitter.

[00:23:43]>> Hello, civilian. We have reported that anish entity that continually threatens your own asset is in the vicinity. I need to enter.

[00:23:51]>> Whoa. always can't just wake into >> I'm pretty sure he's in twig boy. I forget how [ __ ] dense you are sometimes, Dora.

[00:24:01]>> I'd say the perfect soldier. I don't ask questions. I follow orders.

[00:24:05]>> Why follow orders from me? I'm your literal target.

[00:24:09]>> Wait, you're a girl?

[00:24:16]>> Checkmate.

[00:24:17]>> Are you flirting with me, Miss Dicta?

[00:24:21]A bit of a red flag, but I can fix her.

[00:24:24]>> Apologies, civilians. Due to budget cuts, I cannot use that message. We're going to have to use the left, right protocol. Left, right, left, right.

[00:24:34]>> You're stupid, but you're fun to watch.

[00:24:42]>> Oh yeah, we're getting free drinks from today.

[00:24:52]I knew you were sick, ass, but killing a kid.

[00:24:57]>> What the [ __ ] are you talking about?

[00:24:59]That's a monster. That house human is clearly in danger.

[00:25:04]>> A Aren't you just a cute big scary monster?

[00:25:08]>> It's just Halloween.

[00:25:10]>> What in the [ __ ] is a hall?

[00:25:13]>> It's what I say when I'm at the owl.

[00:25:18]You two look like you're having a moment. I just go to the next house.

[00:25:22]>> Did that guy just not bat an eye at me?

[00:25:26]Basically an alien.

[00:25:27]>> It's a holiday. People dress up as monsters or characters. Kids go from door to door asking for candy. Adults get drunk and make regrettable decisions.

[00:25:37]>> So no monsters, no danger. Kids getting drunk, huh? And you're saying all this is normal? Well, the adult man trick-or-treating alone in the has been fit might be a problem, but yes, most of this is normal.

[00:25:49]>> Is that why you're the bride of Frankenstein?

[00:25:51]>> How are you literally the only one who's gotten that reference tonight?

[00:25:56]>> I've known your species for longer than you, girl. You fire cuz you bad.

[00:26:02]>> Oh my god. Bad time to grow a dick.

[00:26:04]>> Hello, we see it too.

[00:26:07]>> Let's try this again from previous examples.

[00:26:26]Your bioshifting abilities outclass any known entity. Certain examples of this defying not only our understanding of biology, but also the laws of physics and reality itself.

[00:26:38]>> A you really know how to make a guy feel special. Especially like a man who hugs rabbits too hard.

[00:26:44]>> Oh, I'll do something too hard.

[00:26:45]>> Out with it. What's the extent of what you can do?

[00:26:48]>> Anything you could ever want and more, baby.

[00:26:50]>> Gross.

[00:26:51]>> If that's how you like it, sure.

[00:26:53]>> My question is, what are the limitations of your bioshifting?

[00:26:58]>> OH, so you want to know my weakness? Why didn't you just say so? You want my credit card number while you're at it?

[00:27:06]>> Is that the only number you're used to women wanting from you?

[00:27:09]>> That was actually a pretty good one. I'd say one weakness for you is reading a room.

[00:27:14]>> My only weakness is goth girls.

[00:27:16]>> Well, that tells me our internet at least vaguely affects you.

[00:27:19]>> What are you still doing here? You know how to win. No change.

[00:27:24]>> Hey, it was worth it.

[00:27:27]Shot. Kinky. I like it.

[00:27:29]>> Don't you realize if you keep giving humans crazy, even with the best of intentions, you could trigger an extinction level event? Look, Bolt, I've been doing this a lot longer than you have been alive. Every generation of humans I've talked to thinks they're going to experience the apocalypse. And for half a million years, they've been wrong. I am a human. I know straight from the source how dangerous they can be to themselves. We don't need a madman tying the news for us. Also, half a [ __ ] million. Jesus Christ, you're old. Well, hey, I lived a long life and I might not go down in history, but I will go down on you.

[00:28:09]>> Every time I hear your awful pickup lines, I think they can't possibly get worse. And then they do.

[00:28:14]>> Oh, that's not even close. My worst was, "Girl, are you from Mississippi? Cuz you're the only miss who's pisseyed Sippy. I can see from your face that you agree I deserve my ban from the Curvy Cthulhu."

[00:28:27]>> What is that? Some sort of Lovecrafty and Titty Bar >> and a bar and grill. When I talk to you at this job, the only reason I don't regret pursuing a career as a stripper over a containment agent is because I'd end up seeing you more.

[00:28:39]>> What do you guys best guess of what's in here? Do you guys know I can I can I I can do a human? I think it's pretty convincing. I still don't know what the dicks look like.