My Life

[00:00:00]Hi, this is for my viewers, my friends, and anyone who wants to know how I've been and what happens next. As many of you know, I'm a huge extrovert. I've always loved being around people my whole life, unless I was playing World of Warcraft. But for the last 9 months, I've stopped going out almost entirely.

[00:00:20]The few times I do go out, I get reminded why. It's because I don't want to put the people who still stand by me in a position where they have to defend me or get looked at sideways just for being near me. People like Genie, Belle, Alana, or Asian Andy and a couple other people. Those people I don't even want to mention. I don't want people to bother them. That's why I wasn't at Anime Expo these past week. I wanted to stand at my friend Jeanie's booth to support her. I would just talk to random people who would just want a picture like I usually would because talking to people used to be the easiest thing in the world for me. But not anymore. Now every room I walk into, I don't know who already made up their mind about me without hearing a single thing from my voice. They might be nice to me to my face, but then behind my back I'm a rapist. My friends get invited to parties all the time, but I don't go.

[00:01:12]Dinners, lunches, I just stay inside.

[00:01:14]But the friends I have now, they're real. They've stayed with me night after night, even when they didn't have to. I won't forget that. That kind of sacrifice that they've been doing. I appreciate it. But here's a hard part about that love. That love is exactly what Emu showed me for years. So, how do I trust it now? She supported me through some of the hardest times of my life.

[00:01:34]Through my worst days, my best days, and any day in between, Emma was there, and a lot of you guys know that. Over the last 9 months, my friends would invite me out. But if someone knew was coming, I'd always stay home. I don't want that person to judge me or judge my friends or sit there feeling a little awkward because I showed up. I don't want them looking at me or looking me up, finding out what I do and the first thing that comes up is pages of Emmer's allegations and Asminagold reacts because that's what happened. This exact scenario has already happened. I've been out with my friends and their friends pulled them aside to tell them I'm not to be trusted and that I'm a bad person, that I'm a problem. And no friend of mine should have to hear that. And I'm sure you would do the exact same. I used to get stopped all the time when I went out.

[00:02:19]People would come up to me, they would say hi, ask for a picture. Now, on the rare times I do go out, I watch the opposite happen. Someone looks at my face, you can see the headlines just behind their eyes, staring me down like deer, and then they look away fast, like they saw something they weren't supposed to see. I would have people look at me, turn around, point at their friend, at me, and then they start laughing. I've had that happen dozens of times. That's the whole interaction now.

[00:02:45]I went from being someone strangers walked up to to someone they actually look away from. I've been called awful, disgusting things to my face in public more times than I can count. I got attacked on Twitter for going to a party that my friend invited me to. People stopped treating me like a person and they just started treating me like I'm a monster. I become actually embarrassed to be myself in public, a shell of myself because other people were motivated to bury me and who I am and even just any social place. I don't talk in Twitch chat anymore. I don't say hi to my old friends like I once did. I haven't done that in 9 plus months. In World of Warcraft, I'm afraid to even say hi in general chat because I don't want people to just call me a rapist.

[00:03:30]Think about that. These things that Emu said is exactly why I didn't go to my family and I didn't go home for Christmas. Instead, I just stayed in LA and I streamed on kick. My dad lost his brother last year. He was already grieving. My uncle was very close to me and my whole family, but I just couldn't walk through that door and hand him more grief and stress than he was already carrying. My family knew the situation.

[00:03:51]My parents watched my YouTube videos and my parents told me they had to stop turning on the TV because they just couldn't look at more things people were saying about me. My mother, she doesn't have the greatest of health. I could say she's had brain surgery recently and she also lost an eye that popped out of her head. It's very terrible. And I told my brother to hide all of this from her. I had to. I told my brother to put on a happy face for Christmas and just act like I'm doing okay through all this controversy. Because if my mother knew what I really was going through, I just know she would suffer more. And there was just no version of me going home where this just didn't follow me through the door into my town and everywhere we went. I once made a video on my fifth grade teacher about how proud he was of me. I was so proud that he was proud after 20 years I cried. It was amazing.

[00:04:41]was one of my favorite experiences of being a streamer. That teacher stopped texting me. I also couldn't go home because I didn't want people like my friends to be embarrassed or just have in the back of their head that maybe he did do it. Maybe he did have a problem.

[00:04:56]Maybe he was this guy. And I just can't live with that. I just can't be around people I've known for 20, 30 years and have even the back of my head that I don't know if they think I really did do something like a crime towards Emaroo, a girl they all met, a girl they've all hung out with and they've seen how she treats me and has been around me and how much she was in love with me. If you guys don't know me, I'm a people pleaser. I want people to look at me and be proud. Emu met my family. She knew them. She flew to New Jersey multiple times and they flew to Texas multiple times. In fact, her parents met my parents and we all went mini golfing. I remember in my backyard, my dad always sits there and smokes cigars. And my mom, who's very worried about me, asked Emaru if she's been looking after me.

[00:05:41]And Emu doesn't really talk a lot when she's around my parents. And she looked up and she said, "Of course, I always protect him." Since the allegations, I just am not honest with my family. I love them and they love me, but when they call me and ask how I'm doing, I just give them a surface level answer.

[00:06:00]And that's the same thing I do with all my other family members. My uncle and aunt who were so proud of me just last year. My cousin my age who knew I was a streamer. These cousins I only started talking to again 2 years ago. I haven't seen them in 15 plus years and we were finally rekindling and becoming a family. If you guys don't know, I don't have a big family. My sister's a lie. I have one brother, a mom and my dad, and I don't really have much besides my uncle and aunt. So, me rekindling again with my cousins, it felt like I was finally bringing back my family and maybe for a future family. My cousins my age knew I was a streamer and I remember going with them to the Great American Mall and we just hung out, talked, ate Mr. Beastburgers and I just felt like it was the first time in a long time that our family's having growth. It's always been deaths. This was the first time it felt like there's actual progression seeing my family and finally rekindling with them. I know that they watch me and I know that they watch the streaming scene, especially the younger one. He was pretty active in it. They haven't talked to me since last October. I know I could reach out to them, but I don't want them to think less of me. I was proud that they were proud of me. I was proud that they thought I was cool.

[00:07:14]Nobody that cares about me deserves to deal with any of this. So, I've just sat by myself most days. stayed in my room or I had my friend Jeanie around or Alana and they've been with me since day one of this. In fact, Alana was in Instagram reels with me during this whole process. Thousands of comments attacking her and even she lost friends over it because they said to her, "How can you possibly be friends with the rapist?" To my viewers or people who used to watch me, I understand you believed the creators who fed you these lies. I understand how the internet works and I get it. People see something on Twitter and take it as a fact. One minute your favorite celebrity dies, the next you're reading Extramily almost hit another car. It all scrolls by on the same speed. So, I get it. The internet and the world are very fast nowadays.

[00:08:01]So, it's difficult to really know what's really happening. And I get why you read a headline and never heard my side. And those creators who push these false narratives understood that, too. They knew I was a scapegoat. They knew I fit the story. And Emu fits their perfect image. It's a one out of 10 video for them, but it's my one out of one life and they don't care. And I understand why creators didn't talk to me either.

[00:08:23]The ones who got wary of me because of what they heard or what they were told by Emiru. You don't know me and you probably don't know Emaru. So, you're going to choose her. Especially when the public is telling you that that's the right answer. You saw what people like Asmold were saying. We believe our authority figures, but those people lie all the time and you don't see it because they built a bubble around themselves that profits off of exactly this. It's why the second this broke, every drama YouTuber sided with her immediately and pushed a story that I'm a monster because it's a business. Go against the narrative, Asmin doesn't react to your video. Go against the narrative, you don't get the views.

[00:09:01]Everybody wants to be on the winning side. So, no one was on mine. Let me go ahead and explain the deeper context because nobody else cared to. I put a decade of my life into this job. A decade of trying my hardest building something I truly want to be proud of.

[00:09:15]And my viewers or people who watched me since even 2017 or 18, you guys know I love this job more than anything. I love love my job. I obsess over this every second of my life. I love making content and making people laugh. That has not been something I've changed since I can remember when I was 5 years old. I [ __ ] love my job and I'm [ __ ] good at it. But it's more than a career they tried to take. They tried to paint me as a monster for the rest of my life. Not for a year, but the rest of my life.

[00:09:42]When I'm older and have kids on my own, some other father could recognize my face. And suddenly my family is the one dealing with did you know their dad is a rapist, a stalker, and an abuser. My kid will never have friends and we will be exiled from the community. And I have to live with that fear every day of my life. If I ever go on a date with someone, a normal person, I have to sit there and explain all this before she finds out online. And I can't expect her to never find out because her friends might know who I am. And if she finds out that I hid this, then she probably will immediately assume that I'm not telling her the truth. And I've already had this happen. I've went on dates with girls and their brothers have warned them about me and they want me to stay away because they think that I'm a rapist. That's the future that I was written and it's a permanent permanent future. Emiru shared her lies and slander and it was calculated with every word. She played it into those dynamics and the people ate it up. Lawyers reviewed it before any of it ever came out. It was built on purpose to make you see a false version of me. I'm loud. I look like a dick. And she's the sweet, innocent girl from Kansas who plays it soft and never raises her voice. That contrast is not an accident. It was the whole strategy. And it was a strategy I slowly learned at the end of our relationship. You're not stupid if you believed her. You were tricked by people who planned it down to the finest detail. So, I'm not asking you to feel bad for believing it. I'm asking you to hear my side the same way you guys heard hers. And to any of those slop YouTubers or YouTubers who are watching this, I've talked about this publicly for hundreds of hours. Emu has talked about it for one. And while we're here, let's talk about Asthma Gold's hypocrisy for a second. Here's a guy who felt so terrible for Amaru that he made multiple videos helping destroy my entire life, willing to lie for her immediately. But when it came to the Syuno situation in every situation like it, it's been the complete opposite.

[00:11:39]>> Yeah. I mean, I don't know how many people are going to have to come forward until Twitch maybe takes action about Miz, but uh I could imagine that it's probably a matter of if and not when, you know, with so much verifiable evidence, you know, in terms of like holes in the wall, violence, like on camera things that he's done. Like there's so many things, right? And it's like there's really nothing that's going to happen about this on Twitch's end.

[00:12:01]Like what are we doing here? And so, yeah, that's about it. If you had to say you'd be permanently banned, Twitch is unfair. Twitch is completely unfair.

[00:12:08]They are totally ideologically captured and they're awful. So hopefully that's what happens. It's And then you had sex with him because you thought he was going to be your boyfriend. Like that's the only lie cuz it's either that or he raped you. Which one? Well, I'm not going to accuse anybody of anything, right? I mean, I think that that's a pretty serious thing. And you know, like sexual assault, sexual misbehavior, I think is really bad. and uh you know like I I I don't want to be pontificating or uh you know theorizing on what did or didn't happen. [snorts] Uh that's it. So uh it's just a it's a weird thing for him to do, but um you know it's just the way people like that are. I guess like with these accusations like these are these are life destroying career destroying accusations if this stuff is true. I mean, he's literally getting accused of like sexual assault and like, you know, somebody says rape, right?

[00:13:05]Like, of course, I'm not going to just immediately say that's true.

[00:13:09]I mean, that that's insane. That's an insane accusation to make. That's a crime. That's something that should be handled by the police. I don't know.

[00:13:18]>> This was planned. This was not a finally having the courage to say something like she claimed it wasn't restrained by millions. And now, you know, this has been in the works. This was not a spontaneous stream. But who exactly was involved in this? Who would ever do something so horrible? Were there others? There's a clip of Asenold from October 17th, just a week before Amaru's allegations came out. Gloating that he had already known Amaru was about to make an impromptu stream.

[00:13:45]>> That's not why people don't want to collaborate with Miz.

[00:13:49]It has nothing to do with it and he knows that. And also it doesn't have a lot to do with techone either.

[00:13:58]He's lying. Now I have not said anything about this at all.

[00:14:05]I have not gone into this on any level.

[00:14:11]But that's not why.

[00:14:17]It's not even close to why.

[00:14:21]Spill the tea. I don't think I'm going to have to.

[00:14:26]I've got a feeling. Oh, I've got a feeling I might not have to. Don't leave us hanging.

[00:14:34]What can I say? I love a show. To be continued. Probably by somebody else.

[00:14:40]Give us a hint. No. When the bullets start flying, the videos are going to start coming.

[00:14:47]I'm going to cover this whole thing. Why vague?

[00:14:51]Because there are some people who deserve to tell the story more than I do.

[00:14:56]>> Crazy how he could see the future like that. Except he couldn't. He just already knew what she was going to do.

[00:15:01]Asminold knew. What kind of Houdini style foresight is that? But I thought Asminold defends men. Why did he listen to Emmy lie on stream that it was a spontaneous dream and not disagree then continue to show clips of me from years ago to push the story to his millions of viewers that I'm a abusive stalker rapist? We'll find out soon and maybe his bubble will find out as well. I trusted Emu for three years and she did this. I don't trust people the way I used to almost at all. And that's not me being dramatic. That's where I'm at.

[00:15:33]Something breaks in you when someone you let that close do what she did. It doesn't come back just because the time has passed and underneath all of it. I feel more alone now than I ever have in my entire life. But what I do feel for is to clear my name and hold those who destroyed my life accountable. Fighting for the people who've had my back through all this and getting into a place where I enjoy what I built and I have a community again. And until this is finished, until I'm done with what I need to do, I don't want to have a lot of emotions. I know that sounds very weird, but if I let the emotions out, they will pour and I know it will break me. So, for now, I'm sealing them all up and I'm going to get all this done and I'm going to continue the work. Because the second I stop and sit still and try to look ahead at the path that she created for me, I start thinking about my actual reality. And I can't afford to look at my future or my past until this is finished. I'm sure a lot of you guys have realized, but I've unlisted all my old YouTube videos on my main channel.

[00:16:36]They're all gone. And it's not because they were getting attacked with comments and dislikes and, you know, Tech Tone viewers, but it's because I just can't look at it. I can't look at those videos, those memories, and those times with those people ever again because many of those people believed Emu off the jump and never talked to me again.

[00:16:56]And the sad reality is some of my old friends joined right in because that was the safe side to be on. It was the right move for your career was to defend Emu.

[00:17:06]And I've since heard through a couple people in Austin who still talk to me that a lot of those same friends never actually agreed with what Emu did. Now, why would they publicly attack me or stop talking to me completely despite being my close friend for years? It's because many of them are just afraid of their jobs and that's it. Many of them are streamers completely past their prime and know it's not the smart thing to defend me publicly or even just message me because what if somehow that message gets leaked that you're talking to Msk and if they are seen with that that can stop them from getting invited to parties in Austin that can stop them from having their friend groups. So speaking against Emmeru is like speaking against Austin, Texas as a whole. you don't get invited to parties, events, you're not seen as part of the crowd, so you're kept on the sideline, and that can really destroy your career. So, you keep your silence. And I understand that some of my friends didn't speak at all.

[00:18:06]I've had friends text me and call me the entire time, but not say a word publicly, and I'm totally okay with that. I don't want them to hurt themselves over the situation. But to those friends that knew the situation and knew that she was lying, people like Elinity, who I helped move to Austin, who I spent years standing up for when no one else would, I signed the contract for her to come to America. I saved her from all the allegations she had with PewDiePie and everyone else and everything that people were putting on her. And that woman went live the day Amaru came out with her allegations and threw me away and she unfollowed me on everything. Elinity and if a lot of you guys don't know, I thought was one of my closest friends in Austin, Texas. In fact, right before I left Austin for the last time, I bought her a Donkey Kong Country box because I know that's her favorite game. And while I was in Japan, I got her that box and I thought it would make her happy. That woman immediately went live, sided with Emiru publicly. My friend Dave immediately called me when he saw that people were talking about Elinity unfollowing me and was talking to me about how she would come over for hours for advice and life advice. This woman is hard to even think about, you know, and that's why I just try to not pay attention to it and just get all this done. And for a lot of other friends, they just left. I was there for these people for years before any allegations. I was always there. People would always come to me for advice or questions or ask for streaming help because they were my friends and I would help them. But because they were told I'm some kind of monster by the one woman I trusted with everything, they stopped talking to me. I'm not going to give up because I know the reality of who she is. And I'm not going to sit here and pretend I was some perfect person my whole life or even our relationship. I wasn't. and I never claimed to be. But our relationship was nothing close to normal. But it wasn't what she tried to paint it as. And as many of you have figured out by now, she was not perfect either, like she pretended to be. But do I question the people around her, the ones who stood next to her knowing it was all lies?

[00:20:17]Your lies will be shown, too. You sided with someone who lied about crimes, and you helped spread lies about them. You walked with her on this, so keep walking. But Pokémon, I do miss you.

[00:20:27]Call me if you're a creator out there and you're not someone who likes surrounding themselves with people like Emir or Asminold. Reach out. I would love to hang out or anything. I just want to make friends and make fun content for the streaming community. And before I get to what's next, I want to say one thing plainly because I believe it's more important than anything else in this video. Anyone who lies about being sexually assaulted or physically abused needs jail time. I don't care.

[00:20:54]That's something your rage said himself.

[00:20:56]But will anyone hold that standard when it's Emaroo, the so-called number one female streamer on Twitch who is now on Forbes magazine? Will our mutual friends, other creators in the space, and people who collab with her do so, or even Twitch themselves? What about Asminold? He defended her from the start, threatened me for months before it came out, said I should be permanently banned after she went live, and watched every video, and gloated about how he knows more than anyone else, and has known for quite some time.

[00:21:23]Now that actual evidence and facts are finally starting to be heard and seen.

[00:21:26]Will those same people hold themselves and her to those standards and morals that they set? This is only the beginning of what's coming, and I'm just getting started. So, what is my plan now? Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever get back to exactly who I was before all this. I've made peace with that. That's just how it is. Life isn't fair, and I know I'm lucky enough to be feeling all this from a luxury apartment in downtown LA instead of losing everything else on top of it. I know a lot of this sounds like I have given up, but I haven't. In fact, I'm more motivated than ever in my entire life to make sure that I get my truth out there. But I'm proud of myself. I'm so proud of myself. This has been a 20 v1 and I'm proud of what I just did, that I defended myself. If you're one of my viewers, you know I never did that. When someone would attack me, I would just shrug it off.

[00:22:13]When something with OTK would happen and they would put the blame on me, I would just let it go. I always just let it happen and I would get upset about it offstream. But I would never say anything publicly and I wish I didn't.

[00:22:25]And if people ever attacked me publicly, I would usually just let it go because I wanted to defend my org and make sure we don't lose more sponsors. But looking back, that was the wrong move every single time. But not this time. I should have stood up for myself years ago. But you know what? I'm glad I am now. Making that Emu video was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I cried almost every night putting it together.

[00:22:47]It hurt sitting there and actually looking at my reality in front of me instead of ignoring it. So, a lot of people have been asking me, am I ever going to come back to Twitch?

[00:22:56]Probably not. And honestly, I'm not welcome there. I know exactly what I'd be walking back into if I did. People who don't want to admit that they were wrong. People who danced to my grave and wanted to show their allegiance to Emiru. and I'd have to appeal and appease to the same politics and crap that I did for years with content creators that have spit in my face time and time again. I'm good. I want to say this for the final part of the video.

[00:23:21]The video's been up for almost a week now and I didn't know if it even hit 20,000 views. I didn't know if content creators or people would even look at it to the point where I actually did a clip campaign for clips and I made sure when I did that that it was only factual things from the YouTube video with nothing else. And if they did anything else, they are not getting paid. And I told them that very bluntly from the second I put out the ad. But I didn't know if that video would even crack 20,000 viewers. Nothing like this has ever happened before. No one's ever had a big girl streamer make such crazy allegations and she was the one that everyone loved and she was lying. I didn't know what was going to happen because that video was everything. If that video didn't go anywhere, I lost.

[00:24:05]But it did move. It did go somewhere.

[00:24:08]You guys have supported it. You supported me. You pushed that video. You showed it to people that needed to see the truth. And I've had multiple old friends, multiple friends, and people come to me and say that they just saw the video somewhere or they saw the truth. And for the first time since October, I actually am okay and confident with going outside again. And it's because of that video. If I didn't make it, if I didn't push to do that video and I just let this one go like a lot of people told me to, like a lot of people online said, just give up, I wouldn't be going anywhere. And now I actually want to travel. So, here's my plans. Next, I'm going to go back home to New Jersey for a little bit. I'm going to go see my family, some people I haven't seen in over a year. I'm just going to try to relax for the first time in 9 months. If you guys don't know, by the way, I'm streaming on kick and I haven't taken a single day off in those nine months. So, I can really use a break. But when I come back, I'm actually doing a million dollar challenge with my chat. I'm gonna give my chat a million dollars of my own money to invest with and they keep all the profits, all of it. I don't take a cut. I'm not shilling a rep code. If you've been watching my streams on Kick, you already know that we did something similar with $400,000. I gave my chat $400,000 of my own money to invest with.

[00:25:24]In one month, they made 10%. So, they split $50,000. And between Miskip being cancelled and a kick, you could probably assume there wasn't many people. So, they took home a lot of money. So, now we're going to do a million dollars. and it should be happening in the first few days of August and I would love to see you there. I'm sorry to my parents, my family, and my friends who had to deal with all of this. I'm sorry to my viewers who had to sit through all of this and have to sit with me and who defended me when nobody else would. I'll never forget you. And I want to let you know that you made a huge difference in my life. Thank you. And to creators and viewers who have seen the video I made and have been outspoken about her lies, you'll never know how much you mean to me. Standing up when everyone else sits down is a hard thing to do. And to those viewers who stuck by me these last nine months when they didn't have to, a thank you will never be enough and I'll never know what to say. I don't have the voice I once had. I questioned if this video would even hit 20,000 views. So seeing a shift actually happening this past week has meant the world to me. But it's just a small shift. There's still so much to do and so much more that needs to be said because when this story first came out, it got pushed to the limits.

[00:26:35]And so many people still don't know the truth. And so many people don't know how much she truly lied and the people that were around her. The truth doesn't always come out because sometimes the truth isn't allowed to be. Streamers and content creators will keep their viewers in bubbles to make sure that they don't hear the other side regardless if it's right or wrong. And that's something that is difficult to deal with. So what can you do? Stand up for yourself.

[00:26:56]Because I promise you, and I've learned this more than anyone else, nobody else will.