Mental health struggles often remain hidden from those around us, as individuals may not openly express their pain or seek help, making it crucial for friends and family to pay closer attention to subtle signs of distress and to look beyond surface appearances to recognize when someone may be silently suffering.
Deep Dive
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Deep Dive
SCRUTINY - (a student film)Hinzugefügt:
Hey, do you have a pencil I can borrow?
>> Of course.
Here.
>> Thanks.
Should I address it to someone?
Mom?
Dad?
Tommy?
Ben?
I don't even know where I'm going to put this.
It's March 14th.
If you're reading this, you already know that today is the day I've decided to kill myself.
Is that too harsh?
Maybe like I've decided to take my own life.
But a decision implies that I have options and I definitely feel like I have no other options.
So, I had no choice but to take my own life.
Nice start.
Now I just need to figure out what else to say.
What am I going to tell them?
>> Maeve, class is over.
>> Hello to the love of my life.
How was class?
>> It was good. Nothing special.
>> Well, that's true. Why'd you bring your backpack? We only have that one class today.
>> Um Dr. Kahn said we might have a pop quiz today, so I wanted to be prepared.
>> That doesn't sound like something Dr. Kahn would pull.
>> I know. She's different now.
More strict, I guess. And I think I know the reason.
>> What? That's not my fault. I only cheated like twice in her class. Now if we're done staring into souls, I've got something urgent to attend to. You're coming with.
>> What?
There is no way that this was the urgent matter that you had to take care of.
>> It's good.
You want some?
>> Okay.
>> I'll grab Want to tell me? Hmm.
Hey.
>> Hey, Maeve.
>> Hey.
>> Hey, Tommy.
>> Hmm.
>> So, what are we doing tonight?
>> Maeve and I are watching the next episode of our show.
>> Ew.
Okay. Anyone else free?
>> Dude, don't you have to babysit tonight?
>> Yeah, but that's at 9:00. I could get there at 9:30 and the kid would be fine.
>> Jordan, that kid is my little brother.
You better show up at 9:00 and help me.
You know I can't do it alone.
>> Relax. I was just joking.
>> So, since tonight is off the table, what about tomorrow?
>> That would be good, except we have a party tomorrow.
>> Perfect. I've been waiting. The last one was phenomenal.
>> This one should be just as good. Tommy is organizing it after all.
>> I'm what?
>> Dude, don't tell me you forgot. You're planning the next party.
>> I'm throwing the party tomorrow?
>> Yes.
>> Just like you to forget.
>> When did I agree to this?
>> After the last party. You were really gone though.
>> I wasn't that drunk, guys. Tommy. What?
>> I even heard about how drunk you were, and I was at a conference out of state.
You ran around the courtyard at 3:00 a.m. naked.
>> Hey, I bet Maeve liked it though.
>> [laughter] >> Maeve.
Maeve.
>> Huh?
>> You okay?
>> Yeah, I'm good.
>> You haven't ate any of your food. Do you want to bite of mine?
>> That's one of your mind, Maeve.
>> She probably just thinking about Tommy naked.
>> [laughter] >> So sorry.
Got held up in the parking lot.
You ready?
>> Yeah, let's do this.
>> So, you said I should add something in the third paragraph, split it or something?
>> Yeah, uh make it two separate paragraphs for your two separate ideas.
>> I mean to me, they're the same idea, just different perspectives.
>> But, in Dr. Brand's mind >> that's just not the case.
See, there's one thing I never understood about college.
>> What's that?
>> This place promotes individualism, like constantly. It encourages us to have ideas and lifestyles of our own, so we can bring something new to the table.
I'm appealing to the professor.
I mean, seriously.
How the hell can you advertise my individualism, but then grade me on it?
>> Sam.
>> If I keep appealing to my professors then how will I be able to recognize my own writing, you know? As something I made.
As something I made.
My name is on the paper but where did I go?
>> Sam.
I hear you but you still have to separate the paragraph.
It's not a professor rule, it's just a rule rule.
>> I know.
I know it's not that big of a deal, but it doesn't feel right. This is just the beginning >> of >> other changes.
If I change this, then how will I be able to recognize my own writing?
As long as you feel that way, I doubt that you will.
>> Babe?
Babe?
>> I'm here.
>> I tried calling you, but you didn't answer. Everything okay?
>> You did?
>> Yeah.
You didn't hear it?
>> I guess not. I think I left my phone on my bed. What's up?
>> What do you mean?
We have plans, remember?
>> Oh, right. Were we supposed to bake those cookies tonight?
>> You're joking, right?
I can't believe I was the one to remember.
Um, we're supposed to watch the next episode of our show.
>> Right.
Right. Uh, the remote is on the couch and I'll go pop some popcorn while you pull it up, okay?
Got it?
>> Yep.
>> I'm so excited.
>> Really? I'm glad.
>> Are you not?
>> I am. I have something on my mind.
>> Want to talk about it?
>> Do you want to talk about it?
>> What is that supposed to mean?
>> Nothing.
>> Tommy.
>> I'm serious. It's on my mind, but it's not that big of a deal.
>> All right, just promise you'll tell me.
>> Of course.
Can you promise me that, too?
>> What? I tell you everything.
>> I know. Just in case.
>> [laughter] >> Did I make that for the party?
>> Yeah.
Wait, [ __ ] I forgot to help make a list of things we need to get for tomorrow.
Have you seen my phone?
>> It was here. It wasn't on your bed.
>> I I guess I forgot.
>> And you didn't hear it ring?
>> No, I think it was on do not disturb or something.
>> That's crazy. You never keep it on silent.
>> I did this time.
>> Okay.
>> Tommy, did you think I was ignoring your call?
>> I didn't I don't want to accuse you of anything. I just don't see how you didn't hear it ring, but if it's on silent, then I guess you couldn't have.
So, um >> I didn't hear it.
And I'm not ignoring you.
>> Okay.
>> So, May, two things. Jordan on her way to your room, and your laundry has been done for like 10 minutes. So, please move it over.
When you can, of course.
>> Hey, sorry I didn't come back last night. I decided to stay at Laura's.
>> What?
>> Nothing happened between you and Laura?
>> Dude, Maeve, we were babysitting her brother.
>> And after you put him to bed?
>> Nothing happened, I swear.
>> Oh, please. You swear on everything.
Something definitely happened between you two.
>> Whatever.
What are you up doing?
>> Catching up on some homework.
>> Of course. You're always doing that [ __ ] like 2 weeks in advance. I'd pay you to do mine.
>> You would if you could. You blow all your money on ridiculous stuff.
>> I do not.
>> Do too.
>> Maeve.
Maeve, Ben's here.
>> Hey, Tommy here?
>> No, he's out getting the stuff for tonight.
>> Oh, okay. What about Sam? I know you guys are planning to meet today.
>> Dude, hush.
Is Jordan still here?
>> I don't know.
Why should that You still haven't told her?
>> And I won't tell her.
>> Do you want to know something?
>> What?
>> Small problems turn into bigger problems the longer it takes for you to address them.
>> I know that. I feel like everyone knows that.
>> If you know that, then why do you let it happen?
>> Because I don't think she's going to care that I'm helping Sam.
>> Well, yeah, she might not care about that, but she's going to care that you're not telling her.
>> I doubt that.
Now, if you don't mind, it's actually time for me to go.
So sorry, Sam. I didn't sleep much last night, so I woke up late and had some things to handle this morning, so >> It's all right. I just got here not too long ago.
>> Perfect.
Okay, what part of your paper are we working on today?
>> You mean Dr. Brandt's paper?
>> I mean the paper for Dr. Brandt.
Uh >> Well, do you mind if we work on the um conclusion?
>> Okay.
You're usually pretty good at writing them on your own, though.
>> Uh it's just because I think I really need help with this one if that's okay.
>> Of course. Here.
>> Hey, Maeve. I'll catch up with you later.
>> Oh, I see. All right, don't take too long.
We got [ __ ] to do.
>> You're coming to our party tonight, right?
>> I have no choice but to.
>> All right, see you then.
Oh, okay. Was Was Was that one of your friends or was that Tommy?
>> No, he's just a guy from one of my classes.
>> Okay.
And there's a party?
>> Yeah, at their frat.
>> What time?
>> You're not actually interested in going, right?
>> I might. I don't know.
>> Are you sure? There's going to be a lot of stuff happening that you're usually not a fan of.
>> So, I'm not a fan of this assignment, yet I'm here doing it anyway.
>> But >> Maeve, why don't you want me to go to this thing?
She'll be there, won't she?
>> I'm sorry.
>> You don't have to be sorry, especially since you told Jordan that >> I didn't.
I haven't.
Yet.
>> Oh.
Okay.
So, this assignment >> Right.
The conclusion.
>> Um Priya, do you think I can handle this on my own?
>> Okay.
I'm sorry, again.
>> I told you you don't have to be sorry.
>> But, I am.
The party's at 10.
>> Yo, glad you made it.
>> I told you I had no choice but to be here.
>> So, what's the story? Why aren't you dancing?
>> No reason.
>> Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to see you having fun and shaking some ass.
>> Sorry?
>> It's my party, so I'd like it if everybody was having fun.
One sec.
Drink this.
>> What is it?
>> Liquid courage, or jungle juice.
>> Isn't the point of jungle juice that it's supposed to be like fun colors? This is almost clear.
>> Relax. It's because it has vodka and some coconut-flavored stuff in it.
See? Pretty good, right?
Finish that cup and you'll be the life of the party in no time.
>> Thanks.
>> What did I tell you? Everyone's loving your moves.
>> I'm glad. I won like two dance battles.
>> Woah.
Maybe I should sit you down for a minute.
>> [panting] [sighs] >> Why are we here?
Let's go get some more of that jungle juice.
>> I don't think so. I think what you need is some water.
>> Hell no.
I'm okay.
I haven't felt this good in a long time.
>> You'll feel much worse later if you don't have any water.
>> I don't need it.
I think I need to find Tommy.
>> He's out there somewhere, but we need to get you some water first, and then I can take you back here and you can have a nap or something.
>> Thanks, but I'd rather find my boyfriend.
>> He doesn't even know you're drunk.
I can help you, Maeve.
>> If it weren't for you handing me a drink, I wouldn't be like this. I'm finding Tommy.
There you are.
I go, I'm leaving.
>> No, you're not.
>> I don't want to stay here anymore, Jordan.
I I can't find Tommy anywhere, and I don't want to run into Zane again.
I'd like to go home.
>> And who is taking you?
Like, what the actual [ __ ] Were you just going to leave without telling me?
I don't know what mood you've been in lately, but I feel like you're keeping something from me.
And we promised each other that if we needed to talk something out, we would.
Together. So, I guess we're just breaking promises now.
Because you promised you wouldn't speak to Sam again.
And then I find out you've been helping them.
And they end up at this party?
Magically?
Really thought I could trust you, Maeve, but it's clear to me now that it's true what they say about you.
Get your boyfriend to drive you home.
I'm going to go try and enjoy myself.
>> I'm sorry for not telling you about Sam, but I think >> No buts. You do believe what they did to me, don't you? Do I have to show you the scars to prove it?
>> I care about you.
I believe you.
>> And I don't believe you.
I'm going back inside.
>> Wait.
You said something about people saying things about me?
>> Is that what you took away from all this?
Should have known that'd be the least of your worries.
>> Whoa, what happened?
>> You okay? I'm going home.
>> I'm No, you're not.
You're drunk.
>> Right.
Ben, do you mind taking her back to my place? I have a guest room she can stay at.
>> Of course.
>> I'm going to go find Jordan and I'll be right behind you.
>> All right, Maeve.
Let's go.
>> Okay.
>> I'm here.
What's going on?
>> About time.
>> She hasn't spoken to us.
>> Maybe she'll talk to you, though.
>> Where were you?
>> Same place as you.
The party.
>> I couldn't find you anywhere.
>> I was everywhere.
I was in the back when they did shots, went out to get more ice, danced a little.
>> I needed you, I couldn't find you.
>> I'm sorry.
What happened?
>> Everything.
>> Everything is in >> Just a lot.
A lot of bad things.
>> Okay.
Tell me.
>> I don't know if I can.
>> May- We made a promise to each other.
I'll listen as best I can.
>> And if you forget?
>> Look, I know I'm insanely forgetful, but if it involves you, I try to remember.
In fact, you've been the one who's forgetting things lately.
I didn't mean it like that. Just that I'm doing better now.
>> You're right.
I'm forgetting things.
I'm just so distracted and overwhelmed, and I can't even pinpoint what's causing it. I just want it to stop. And I thought I wasn't alone, but tonight made it very clear that I'm very alone.
>> Um I'll be back in the morning.
We can talk then.
For now, please rest.
>> Laura! Laura! There's a big spider in here. Can I keep it?
>> Absolutely not. Better not touch it until I get over there.
>> Oh, hey.
Sorry. I thought you were still in the room with Tommy.
>> He left.
>> Okay.
I'll send Ben to go get your car for tomorrow. I've got to take my little brother to the dentist in the morning.
>> That's Bart's and stuff.
>> I said don't touch it.
Uh let me know if you need anything.
I'll see you tomorrow.
[ __ ] What am I doing?
>> Maeve?
Wake up.
>> Mhm.
>> How's your head?
>> Aching.
>> Good thing I brought some ibuprofen and water.
So, what about last night?
>> What about it?
>> I heard Jordan was upset.
>> Yeah.
>> Talk to me.
>> Okay.
When I got there, I got some of that jungle juice from Zane and he filled my entire cup with it.
>> Yeah.
It came out this crazy green color.
>> Green?
>> Unless I'm misremembering, we dumped a whole thing of green apple Svedka into it.
You might have been too drunk to remember. So, what else happened?
>> Uh then Jordan pulled me aside and said a lot.
>> I'm sure she didn't mean it. You know what alcohol does to her.
>> No.
It meant something. I just can't bring myself to say it out loud.
>> I'll help you.
>> I feel like a burden on you.
>> What?
>> There's just so many things going on in my head and >> May, I I didn't Are you okay?
>> Yeah.
I am now that I was able to talk to you.
>> That's why we made that promise to each other.
By the way, it is 10:30 and I know you have your tutoring with Sam, but I really think you should call it off.
>> No.
I'll go.
Is my car here?
>> Yeah, I'll walk you out to it and I'll clean up before Laura gets back.
Oh.
Ben dropped these off.
>> Thank goodness for Ben.
I'll see you.
>> Bye.
I love you.
>> Bye.
>> I remembered everything.
I'm taking her to a dentist appointment next Wednesday, her brother's baseball game is Friday, and our anniversary isn't for another 4 months.
So, what did I do that made her not want to say I love you back?
Should I even worry about it that much?
She does spend a lot of time with Sam.
She's never canceled on them.
She's canceled on me.
She's not taking care of herself.
She's lost sleep on things in the past.
She's never really been interested in Sam.
So, I guess it's fine.
Yeah, she even said so.
She's always fine.
>> Okay.
I think if we cite this article, we Wait, never mind.
Not enough citations.
What if we Okay, we're not >> please take a break?
>> I'm sorry. It's just Professor Brown wanted me to change my research topic to something that's more me. And I don't know how to take that. I mean, he doesn't even know who I am outside of his classroom. Yet, he has the audacity to tell me to change my research topic to fit an idea of whoever he thinks I am.
But, he doesn't even know who I am.
Then again, there aren't that many people who do.
>> Wait.
What? We have to change the whole paper?
>> We aren't changing anything.
I just wanted to tell you how ridiculous Dr. Brown is being.
>> Sam, did he tell you how to make it more you?
>> No.
He just said it doesn't feel like me.
>> Right.
Because we were trying to make it fit his standard.
But, now his standard is to make it not his standard.
>> Apparently.
I'm beyond confused. I can't believe a paper is making me lose who I am.
>> I feel that more than you know.
>> Yeah?
Well, I find that hard to believe.
You're A+ student. I doubt any paper you've ever written made you doubt who you were.
>> Do you remember what you said earlier?
About Dr. Brown having an idea of who you are.
>> Yeah.
Well, >> clearly you have an idea of me, too.
How about um since Dr. Brandt is asking this change of you, we add an extra session tomorrow?
>> Yeah, that sounds good.
But I think I have an idea.
>> Really?
Good.
Can't wait to hear it.
See you then.
To Mom, Dad, Tommy, or Ben.
It's the week of March 14th.
If you're reading this, thank you.
Thank you for all the love you gave me.
It was more than enough.
I should have loved myself as much, but that is hard and I've spent a long time fighting myself.
It felt impossible to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't alone, that I didn't need to protect everyone like I was some sort of superhero.
I thought I was losing everything about >> who I am.
It's always been difficult to hold an idea of what people have of There was a need to lie about how I was so much that it became second nature.
Each time I lost more and more of that connection to myself.
I couldn't tell if it was because I didn't want you to worry about me or because I didn't think you'd understand.
I just wish someone had known without me having to open my mouth to voice the problem.
I didn't really know the problem, just that I wasn't okay.
So, even when all the signs are there, right in front of your face, some suffering is silent.
The sky is a gift itself.
It wants to go unnoticed.
Because when it's noticed you're afraid that society will call you weak.
Your mom will say you're troubled.
And wonder what happened to our baby.
Your partner will say you're just not the same.
Leave. And never look back.
But the biggest fear is when you look in the mirror your own head your own body you see a stranger.
And you know what's crazy?
No one knew.
No one even noticed that a stranger was taking over until you weren't you.
That's the problem of today.
We don't pay enough attention to each other.
It's too common.
It's an everyday thing.
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