Plant Systematics: An Aggressive and Abusive Approach

追加: 2026-05-05

[00:00:00]Hi, and thank you for joining us for another exciting Pixley Botanic Garden webinar series. Today we're teaching plant systematics, an aggressive and abusive approach by Tony Santoro.

[00:00:12]Is this recording? I CAN'T TELL. BENNY, COME HERE. HELP ME. OKAY, NEVER NEVER MIND. HEY, WE'RE DOING FAMILY BIG noni in order like the catal you got in park in Chicago. Okay. Hey, will you listen to me, you [ __ ] You're not paying attention. SYNAPOMORPHIES AND A BIG NONACCI. You got wing seeds and you got these leaves. IT ALMOST LOOKS LIKE A PEA FAN. I got to have this thing on here because I spit a lot when I talk. You got these leaves. Almost looks like pea leaves, okay? Like on a jar, but they're not pea leaves. Okay, look at THE FLOWER. YOU'LL SEE IT'S a totally different family. Bucks matter with you.

[00:00:47]I told you this five times. Moving on down. Look, we got couple members of the family right here. Okay, we got the sausage tree over there on the African continent in Rwanda. Okay, you can see the ovary in the center. Okay, the fruit looks like a sausage and and it's pollinated by bats and birds. Crack those fruits open, you got the wing seeds in there. All right, odd pinate leaves as well. Bilaterally symmetrical flowers and crack the flower open, you see four stammans in there. Okay, all the most of the members in this order lays have four stammans. Don't be a jack off. I tell you, count the numbers. I told you this so many times. Count the numbers of the sexy parts inside the flower. Okay, let's keep going. Okay.

[00:01:25]Boom. Next family. You can see the next family we got. It's called the broom rape family. That's kind of a weird name. Don't use it. I like the word. I like to call it the paintbrush family.

[00:01:34]Call it the paintbrush family. No one's going to think you're a [ __ ] weirdo.

[00:01:37]Okay? I mean, I still will, but nobody else is going to. No one's going to think you're a [ __ ] weirdo. Just call it the paintbrush family. Members of this family, all but one or two genera are parasitic. Okay? Kind of like how you're parasitizing me by asking me to show you this again. Look up close here.

[00:01:53]We could see how do we know if it's partially parasitic or or an obligate parasite? Does it have green in it?

[00:01:58]Okay. What is what does green indicate?

[00:02:00]Chlorophyll pigment. Do you think that might that might mean it's autorophic?

[00:02:04]Huh? [ __ ] jack off. But if you see something like this letter B, okay, you see there's no chlorophyll in there.

[00:02:10]It's just pink and like a a little bit of yellow. So it's not it's not fixing no carbohydrates. Okay. It's not fixing carbon dioxide. It's not it's not photosynthetic. I got to take my medication. I don't take my medication.

[00:02:22]MY BLOOD. YOU'RE DRIVING MY BLOOD PRESSURE UP. YOU single-handedly are going to kill me. My blood pressure is going through the roof right now. You're stressing me out so much. Now, leaves in this family are always simple. They're never compound. Always just simple simple leaves. And and you got this this uh spike or raimma of flowers. Now, crack open the flowers. Okay. You see four stammans inside. You see a biffid stigma. That means it's got two loes to it. A blobed stigma. A lot of members of this order have blobed stigmas. Okay. We got monkey flowers all over the world.

[00:02:53]Okay, most diversity is on the west coast of North America, but you got them in Australia. You got a couple in the prairies in the Midwest. You got them in Pennsylvania out there, too, in the woods and stuff. My advice to you would be to get up off your ass and sit, you know, quit sitting around mop and feeling sorry for yourself and go out and look at some of this stuff. Look what we got right here. Okay, look at look at this. See that? You got the stigma right there in in in letters G and H. Okay, G is the stigma and then H is 5 seconds after it's been contacted, it closes like that, like a little mouth. Okay, that's called stigma nasty.

[00:03:25]That's when it the plants move in response to being touched in this case by a pollinator that hopefully is getting some pollen on those tricoms right there. Are you paying attention?

[00:03:33]You see the tricoms on the stigma? See that? Those little hairs, okay? They give it a perfect texture for the pollen grains to germinate. The pollen grains germinate, then they send a pound tube through that style. I YOU KNOW, WHY AM I EVEN BOTHERING WITH YOU? YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME. What do you mean? Why am I shouting at you? Why don't you focus on a food instead of the plate that it's served on, Jack off?

[00:03:51]>> Thank you for tuning in to another wonderful episode of Pixley Botanical Garden webinar series. Join us next week where Leslie Dinklestein will explain her fabulous work with topiary sculptures.