The Honeymooners | Ralph Thinks Alice Wants to Kill Him!

Added: 2026-05-18

[00:00:19]Sorry I was so long, honey. Sit down, dinner will be right on the table. Ah.

[00:00:25]>> [laughter] >> Uh not now. I think you better run along upstairs. I'd like to have a chat with my wife alone. Yeah. See you tomorrow, Ralph.

[00:00:34]I HOPE.

[00:00:40]I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE, HONEY.

[00:00:42]ALICE, this might come as news to you, but I'm in on to your entire game.

[00:00:50]What do you mean?

[00:00:52]Look out. Look out. LOOK OUT.

[00:00:54]YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I HEARD YOU IN THE BEDROOM WITH TRIXIE. OH. I HEARD YOU.

[00:00:58]I'LL HATE HIM. I'LL HATE HIM. I'LL KILL HIM. LISTEN, RALPH. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

[00:01:03]But I've been in a mental rut lately.

[00:01:05]EVERYTHING GETS SO DULL. And you got to understand, Ralph, this is something THAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO.

[00:01:13]I SUPPOSE YOUR MOTHER LIKES IT, TOO, HUH? WELL, as a matter of fact, it was MY MOTHER'S IDEA.

[00:01:20]WHAT DOES YOUR FATHER THINK OF THAT IDEA? OH, he likes it. He said he like to buy tickets AND SEE IT.

[00:01:29]HE DID, HUH? YEAH, ALL MY RELATIVES ARE EXCITED about it. My sister may even come IN FROM PITTSBURGH.

[00:01:36]YOU'RE PRETTY COOL ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING, AREN'T YOU? I SUPPOSE YOU'LL GO OUT AND CELEBRATE WHEN IT'S OVER. WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, my friends are giving a cocktail PARTY FOR ME.

[00:01:45]>> [laughter] >> WHAT?

[00:01:47]THAT'S THE THANKS THAT I GET. NOW, LISTEN, RALPH. YOU JUST SIT DOWN AND CALM DOWN.

[00:01:50]>> Leave me alone.

[00:01:52]>> Oh, come on. It's not that important.

[00:01:53]You're getting all excited. SIT DOWN HERE.

[00:01:56]I'LL BREAK YOUR FACE.

[00:02:03]WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING IN THAT TOMATO JUICE?

[00:02:05]A vitamin pill.

[00:02:08]A VITAMIN PILL?

[00:02:10]A VITAMIN PILL?

[00:02:12]YOU GOT THE GALL TO TELL ME THAT WAS A VITAMIN PILL?

[00:02:15]AFTER I HEARD YOU IN THE BEDROOM WITH TRIXIE, PLANNING TO KILL ME, GOING UPSTAIRS FOR A CARBONITE, AND JUST CUZ I DIDN'T GIVE YOU THE CHANCE TO USE IT, NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO POISON ME? AND TELL ME THAT THAT'S A VITAMIN PILL? YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

[00:02:30]SO, THAT'S YEAH, THAT'S IT.

[00:02:32]ALL RIGHT.

[00:02:34]ALL RIGHT, RALPH.

[00:02:36]THAT IS POISON IN THERE. AND IF I CAN'T KILL YOU, I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF. WAIT A MINUTE.

[00:02:45]WHAT DID YOU DO?

[00:03:01]I LOVE YOU, BABY.

[00:03:02]I LOVE YOU.

[00:03:03]YOU CAN'T DO THIS. YOU CAN'T DO THIS.

[00:03:04]YOU CAN'T KILL ME. SHE'S A POISON.

[00:03:07]RUB HER HANDS UNDER THE FREEZING WATER.

[00:03:11]ALICE, I LOVE YOU, BABY.

[00:03:13]DON'T TRY TO FOOL ME CUZ YOU LOOK LIKE A POISON.

[00:03:16]BABY, I LOVE YOU. YOU MEAN EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO ME.

[00:03:19]PLEASE, HONEY. KISS IT. KISS PAPA. I GOT A CARBON >> CARBON MONOXIDE.

[00:03:25]HEY. HEY. HEY. IT'S POISON. WHAT DO I SAY? TAKE THE WHITES of two eggs and drink with a mixture OF VINEGAR AND MILK.

[00:03:32]MIXTURE OF VINEGAR AND MILK.

[00:03:34]>> [laughter] >> SHE'S GETTING HYSTERICAL.

[00:03:37]SHE'S GOING NUTS.

[00:03:40]>> [laughter and clears throat] >> TAKE IT EASY, BABY.

[00:03:43]I'M NOT HYSTERICAL. I WASN'T TRYING to kill you, honey. What you heard was Trixie and I rehearsing lines for the play our club IS PUTTING ON.

[00:03:52]>> [laughter] >> NOTHING?

[00:03:58]GET OUT. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A FIGHT.

[00:04:05]ALICE, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I'VE BEEN MARRIED TO YOU, I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU UP.

[00:04:11]NO, YOU'RE NOT, RALPH.

[00:04:13]>> OH, I'M NOT, HUH?

[00:04:14]>> NO, you're not cuz you love me. I'm everything in the world to you. YEAH, WHO SAID THAT?