We’re human, we’re wired, we’re going to react

Added: 2026-05-24

[00:00:03][sighs and gasps] >> I love the sun.

[00:00:08]And I love my garden.

[00:00:10]And I love peace.

[00:00:13]And the chances of me getting the sun in my garden with peace at the same time very small.

[00:00:23]Because I live in the world with people.

[00:00:26]>> [laughter] >> I'm sure you can relate to that.

[00:00:30]And sometimes it's frustrating and sometimes I get angry.

[00:00:35]I get angry. Yes, I get angry. And I give myself the space to be angry.

[00:00:41]And I release it before I respond to anything. Now, some of these things are out of your control, but some of them aren't.

[00:00:51]And I thought it would be useful to make a video about reacting to things stimulation, overstimulation, triggers, pattern re- responses.

[00:01:06]And then responding because I don't do this whole bypassing stuff, okay? We're wired, we're conditioned, and we're learning what our conditioning is, we're unraveling it.

[00:01:17]We're changing it up. We're becoming better, our best healed selves.

[00:01:22]But we're human.

[00:01:24]I think the word triggered is overused.

[00:01:28]Triggered like the trigger going off of a gun.

[00:01:31]But we can become reactive if we have our tired, which many of us are, if we're overwhelmed, if our cortisol is shot, we're on overrunning our adrenal system.

[00:01:44]And I think we need to appreciate that that's okay.

[00:01:49]It's okay to react. It is, it really is.

[00:01:54]If you can contain it in a space where you get it out of your system in a safe way. That sounds I don't know, very woke. I know, but let's say everybody right now is maxed out.

[00:02:10]Everybody right now is experiencing the core wounding being pulled up through them and some people just don't know how to manage it and they're throwing it out.

[00:02:19]And what if you are on the receiving end of that?

[00:02:23]Somebody acting out a hissy fit hissy fit, you know, becoming their inner child and throwing everything at you as if it's your fault. This is how they're reacting to something.

[00:02:36]And it's not necessarily you, nor is it yours to fix and you know this.

[00:02:41]But it could still hit a hot spot in you if you haven't slept enough or if you're dealing with six other things and your plate is already full and then this comes along, you can find it overwhelming.

[00:02:55]And then you can berate yourself, "Oh, I shouldn't have reacted that way."

[00:02:58]It's okay to react.

[00:03:01]You will react.

[00:03:02]You catch yourself in the moment and you give yourself a time out, right?

[00:03:06]Happened to me last week. Happened to me. I've been doing so much work on myself. I teach people how to do their inner work. I guide people through their inner work and I still react to things, but I caught myself reacting in the moment and I said, "Okay, I need time and space to process this before I respond to it."

[00:03:30]The thing about doing that is the response time can speed up depending on how well you know yourself.

[00:03:36]But if you don't give yourself that time and space to react, to settle down, to look at it with fresh eyes or cold eyes, let's call them cold eyes because in the heat of the moment has passed and you can look at it again, ask yourself, "What are my expectations of this person?

[00:03:55]What's my expectation of the situation?

[00:03:58]What's my expectation of myself?"

[00:04:01]If you can ask yourself those questions and come up with decent, good answers and then decide, "Well, what am I going to do about this?" and then go and do it, then that is a good, clear response.

[00:04:13]But, I haven't heard anybody saying out there on the net that we're human, we're wired, we're going to react.

[00:04:21]So, give yourself that space to react and don't be upset with yourself if you do react.

[00:04:26]And then give yourself the cooling down time, go for a walk, listen to music, dance it out, throw a glass against the wall and watch it smash, you know, do what you have to do to clear Sorry, my hand's getting tired. To clear the emotion of the whole thing. Clear the emotion, clear the energy, and then put space in between you and the other person.

[00:04:52]Because they are clearing their emotions, they are clearing their patterns, too. And you might just happen to be the one that they trust more than anyone else that they can throw this at you.

[00:05:05]They might be testing you, or you might just have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, which I don't believe, by the way.

[00:05:11]There's no such thing as that. But anyway, so what I'm saying is somebody starts mowing the lawn, somebody starts you know, shouting and screaming when I'm trying to get my peace and quiet in the garden, I can release that and then I go and put on my headphones with the noise cancellation, and that's my response instead of going and picking fights.

[00:05:35]Not all things are as clear-cut as that.

[00:05:38]But, I think I think you got the gist of what I'm saying.

[00:05:41]>> [sighs] >> We're all going through.

[00:05:46]It's like the squeeze, it's the neck of that hourglass. It's the time of being tested.

[00:05:53]I know many astrologers have said, you know, in the middle of May, June, things are going to quieten down a little bit, but we're still riding bumpy waves, and there's things to come.

[00:06:04]You can tense. You can feel it in the air.

[00:06:07]It's the edge of that anxiety that makes you get up and run, like the animals coming out of the forest right before it goes on fire.

[00:06:17]It's like something big is going to happen. We get this from time to time.

[00:06:20]It doesn't mean that something big is going to happen, but what it does mean is it can put you on higher edge, which means that something smaller would set you off more than you realize. And all I want to say so that I'm going to finish this now, so I'm not going around in circles. All I want to say is give yourself the space to understand that you are carrying a lot right now. We all are.

[00:06:46]And then if you can just give yourself space to release it, space to react, space to cry, space to shout, space to calm, space to take your shoes off and stand in the grass and just breathe.

[00:06:59]And cool it all down before you take any action or any retort, any you know, response is when you've had a time to think about it. Ask yourself, what's my expectation of the relationship? What's my expectation of me?

[00:07:14]What's my expectation of the other and I guarantee you that your anger, your frustration comes from your disappointment in that your expectation of the other was higher than they were able to manage.

[00:07:35]It's not their fault.

[00:07:37]Kind of is your fault.

[00:07:40]So, drop your expectation. Very disappointing, isn't it? Drop your expectation and go, "Okay."

[00:07:46]But then drop your expectation of yourself to be perfect, too.

[00:07:50]If we just release expectations altogether, if we didn't get so attached to our expectations.

[00:07:58]You know, we just doesn't mean that we are to accept inappropriate behavior. It really doesn't mean that. It's like I say all the time, forgive but never forget. Forgive the behavior, but don't forget what happened so that you don't allow yourself be treated that way. And if you have to, in the coolness of 24 hours later or a few hours, it is just to say, "Okay, I'm asserting my boundary here."

[00:08:22]Something like, "I will not abide lies in a relationship."

[00:08:27]I don't mind if, you know, if we change the goalpost slightly, but never lie to me. You know, or this is your responsibility to look after and this is mine. And I will do mine and you have to do yours. I'm not doing yours for you.

[00:08:40]You set those boundaries, but it's easier to do that when you, you know, release your expectations and have released the energy that comes up from those expectations. So, so that's your lecture for the day.

[00:08:55]I would love to hear your thoughts.

[00:08:57]I really would.

[00:08:59]And um yeah, so please leave some in the comments and I'll come by later and let's have a conversation. And if there's anything else you'd like me to talk about, then certainly do.

[00:09:10]Let me know in the comments, too. And I hope you like my roses. They're really doing good right now, especially the yellow ones. Okay, bye.