sad on your birthday

Added: 2026-05-05

[00:00:00]Today is April 14th and it is my birthday. Um, and I honestly I hate when people say it. It's so cliche and cynical, but like I just I I can't keep denying it. I think I hate my birthday.

[00:00:14]Um, I've just like I mean like I've definitely enjoyed it some of the years, but like I don't know. Like I've just like I think I've always felt negative experiences about it. like mostly, you know, I think it's mostly always been a negative experience. Like cuz it just feels like I don't know, for me it always feels like damn, another year went by, huh? Like that sucks. Same with New Year's. Like I don't know. It It just feels so like lame. I don't know why. I just like I've never really been like a fan of it. Um and I guess I just kind of wanted to make a video talking about it because like yeah, again, I hate how cynical it is. I hate how cliche it is, but like yeah, I don't think I like my birthday and I want to see how other people feel realistically about it because I don't know. I just think it's like an interesting thing to talk about cuz like growing up like I don't know. I've always been like I've always I've always had a lot of trouble enjoying things growing up. Like I'll do something fun and then it'll be over and then it would be like now what? Now what do I do? Like I didn't want things to end, you know? I wanted it to be infinite fun forever. Um, and like it's so silly cuz yeah, obviously like I was just like a little kid, but like still I don't know. I feel like I just feel like no matter what happened on my birthday, even if it was the best day ever, like genuinely the best day I ever could have had, it just never felt like enough. And I don't really know what you're supposed to do about that even. Like I I don't even know. So yeah, it's just this kind of like conundrum I'm having. Like I don't want to hate my birthday. I want to enjoy it more than anything, right?

[00:01:52]Like it it just feels like something that's so like grandiose or at least supposed to be, right? But at the end of the day, it's also just a day. Like I don't know. It feels so romanticized maybe in my head. I don't know if that's the right word or not, but like it's like it feels like it's supposed to feel better than it does. Maybe I'm silly and maybe I'm ungrateful and maybe I'm greedy. Who knows? I mean, these are all normal human traits. So, I can't judge myself too harshly, right? But I don't know. It just like it's just like unfortunate and like lame. I don't know.

[00:02:25]I don't want to like like I don't want to be sad on my birthday. Obviously, no one wants to be sad on their birthday, right? Like that's just like most people don't want that. But like I don't know. I just can't help but feel like it isn't enough. And I think I'll always feel that way no matter how hard I try. So like what do I even do about that? like what's the solution, right? Like I don't know. There's this show called The Middle through Tik Tok. I've never watched it. Um and there's this character named Brick and he has this like, you know, these parents that really really mistreat him, right? Like they they don't treat him very well at all throughout the show. And towards the end, again, I've only seen this clip through TikTok, but it's like the saddest thing ever. He his mom admits to him that she was a bad parent, right? She like she like says that to him and he's like, "Well, why doesn't it feel as good as I expected it to? Like you said it, I've always wanted you to say that, but it doesn't feel like how it's supposed to, you know?" And it's like I think I feel that way about my birthday like always. I don't know. I've just kind of like always disliked it and I don't necessarily know why.

[00:03:43]It's just like that's just kind of how it is. I don't know. This is such like a lame video to make I feel like, you know, but I just like I guess I kind of want to have an open discussion cuz that's kind of what I made this channel for, right? I just want to know if other people feel similarly to me. And hopefully people can see this and be like, "Oh, I feel similarly to Zam as well." You know, like I think a big part of it as well, especially in recent years, is that I don't get to spend my birthday with any of my like friends.

[00:04:09]Like everyone that I love and adore live so far away from me and I've never had the chance to celebrate my birthday with any of them ever. Like the people I'm closest with, I genuinely I don't get to see on my birthday and that makes me really sad. My last birthday at night was really really good because at night um I was streaming the realm and uh what's it called? My family came over and surprised me with a cake. my sister and her dad at right at midnight which like that really meant a lot to me cuz it's like wow nobody really puts in the effort to do that ever you know that's like wow that's rare um I feel like so that really that meant a lot to me but then when it came to my actual like birthday meal when we went out to get food and stuff like I was really sad the entire time and I don't even remember like I don't know why I don't think I ever knew why um I don't know like I think the food just wasn't what I wanted something like that. I maybe I was just like kind of tired of hear like there were too many people there. Maybe my little brother was complaining the whole time. Like I guess there were a lot of factors to contribute to it but like I just had a really bad mood throughout like my whole birthday last year and it was unfortunate cuz it started off like better than most and then I don't know it kind of got bad and then for any of my other birthdays I can't really remember them other than like childhood memories of being like disappointed.

[00:05:33]That's like pretty much it. Um, I know that in a lot of lif steal seasons, Pangi would go out of his way to celebrate my birthday on the server.

[00:05:43]Um, which that always really meant a lot to me, too, because yeah, I don't know.

[00:05:48]I've again, I've never really liked my birthday, but despite it, he still made it special for me because on a Minecraft server, he was able to, yeah, I don't know, put something together like almost every year for me, which is really sweet. Like, that means a lot. And I feel like what's it called? I don't know. I feel like I don't appreciate that enough. So, there definitely have been like good birthdays. It's just like, yeah, again, I just can't help but always feel like there's more that I want. Birthdays are so like the I feel like they're supposed to feel special, but to me, they never have. I don't know why. I I don't want to be ungrateful. I hate coming off as ungrateful cuz I know obviously obviously I'm in a very special position, especially right now. Um especially back then, too. But I don't know. I always get I always get told see I grew up with um my dad always telling me that like well you know your life's you may be sad right now but you could always be like you know living in a third world country or what's it called um in a refugee camp right now and stuff like he said there are way worse places to be in and he's right you know there there are way worse places to be in the earth is like so messed up right now it's actually crazy but like I guess that also doesn't mean like I I don't know my therapist also tells me that like what's it that doesn't mean that what you're feeling isn't like anything, right? Like your feelings still matter.

[00:07:09]Like two things can be true at the same time, right? Like there can be worse things going on and you can also feel sad. Like that's okay. You're allowed to feel shitty. That's okay. I think another big part of it for me is that this is a really personal I guess big thing that I'm about to talk about, but I feel like whenever let let me know, let me know if you guys think about this or like if this is silly or if you know what this means or anything, but I always find whenever I have to like ask for something, it it makes it like less genuine, you know? Does anyone get that?

[00:07:42]Because like I always feel like if I have to say like, "Hey, it's my birthday today." And then they wish me happy birthday, like I don't know, it kind of means less. Or if I say like, "Hey, I'm dealing with this right now." I It's like It's this stupid weird expectation of like I want people to be able to read my mind. But obviously if I'm not going to talk about stuff, I'm just I'm always really bad at making my feelings known.

[00:08:04]And um I think these kind of videos really help me with that. So I don't know. Maybe it's not stupid. I shouldn't have called it stupid. It's like whatever works works, right? You know, I'm definitely really scared to um tell people things whenever I'm struggling, especially because of that fear of like, yeah, I don't know. It just feels less genuine if I have to ask for help, right? But that's so like I know it's silly. I know for a fact it's silly cuz like there's nothing wrong with asking it for, you know, people to help you.

[00:08:34]and and like it's not fair to assume that people can read your mind, you know, like no one can read your mind.

[00:08:40]So, this really changed fast from being about my birthday to being more about who I am as a person. I don't know. I know that I'm attention crav.

[00:09:02]Oh, I also really wanted to mention this. I think um the best part of my birthdays will always be spending time with my sister. I think that whenever I'm with her, I have the biggest smile on my face. So, I also do want to mention that like it's not all bad, right? Like I I don't want I don't want the message I don't want the message from this video to be like, "Wow, Zam Zam's life sucks. He never never enjoys his birthday ever. Nothing good about it at all." Oh, no. There's definitely good, right? When my dad's around, when my sister's around, I'm really really happy. I I couldn't be I couldn't be happier when they're around, right? But like at the same time, I still just like it there's still this overwhelming feeling of it's not enough and I don't know what to do about that. I I've tried so hard and I don't know what to do about it anymore. So, this has been the most vulnerable I've ever been on this channel. Um, I talked about it a little bit in my little the prince amp versus the big 2025 or whatever video, but this is definitely like way more into my psyche and stuff. So, but I'm going to end the video here now. I have a birthday stream to do. So, I hope that's fun. I wish I could, you know, give you guys the details on how my birthday went after this, but unfortunately, um, I'm posting this in the morning and not after the birthday's all said and done.

[00:10:20]But hey, who knows? Hopefully there's a video that's like, "My birthday was freaking amazing." like one of those recap style videos and it's just going to be me having so much fun and talking about just how good everything was and just yeah, lovely stuff like that. But yeah, um while you guys are here, um I hate to plug, but I would really appreciate it if you guys checked out my other channel. Um it's on the screen right now. Um I'm posting stream highlights there as often as possible.

[00:10:46]I'm going to be like as consistent as I possibly can on there. So, if you guys would like to check that out, that would really mean a lot to me. And um yeah, thanks for watching everyone. I'll see you guys all next time. Goodbye. I