Being a Girl With Autism - common questions

Añadido: 2026-05-13

[00:00:03]Hello everyone. My name is Lee the want to be idol and today I'm going to be talking about autism in women and how it differs from autism in men. Um and this is to say um born sexes. I'm not accounting for uh I guess um gender identity or uh people who are born interex um are a different story. So, uh, this is just about my experience and I'm not trying to like push anything on anybody. So, um, please don't like I don't know take this as like a diagnosis or anything like that. I I just I um am just uh saying it like it is. Anyway, so I I wrote down some questions because I have memory issues and this is like easier for me. Um, and I I just kind of like looked up some common questions and I I made them I made my own up based off of the like a few different articles. Um, so I did not use Autism Speaks if you were wondering. Um, that that's not a self that is not a self- advocacy group for autistic people. um and they push for curing autism, which is a eugenicist um take on mental health and neurody diverency.

[00:01:24]Anyway, why do women go undiagnosed?

[00:01:27]Well, for one, um women are very, very good at masking. I think that it's just because of the way that women are socialized. You are told that you have to be a certain way in order to conform to your gender stereotype or whatever. And um people who women or children, girls who do not conform to the gender stereotype are simply labeled as tomboys or um just either pushed out of the like interest groups that they would like to be a part of because of their gender. So like um often times uh you know a special interest in makeup isn't going to register as a autistic trait because women are supposed to enjoy makeup and it's also um it's something to be encouraged.

[00:02:21]Whereas like if a man has an autistic interest in trains, um people that's like the stereotypical like autism special interest and it's a little bit more socially abnormal. So people tend to I guess label that behavior as autistic over obsessive behavior over something like say J fashion which is something that a lot of women have um with autism have a special interest in. uh that I do. Um I like J fashion. I like cute fashion. Um I'm wearing cute top right now. And um yeah, just just a lot of the traits aren't the same. Um another example is just uh uh speech impediments in men and women are uh different. So in in um in women, St. So, in women, it's a little bit more common to like stutter and um not have any kind of like tonal problems in your voice. Um, and I think that it's kind of perceived a little bit more as being shy or reserved when you are a woman who is uh stuttering or speaking softly. Um, and it it's a little bit more I guess socially normal for a woman to be quiet and make herself small um in order to fit in. So if a man is stuttering and he's quiet and he's his voice is um I guess strange um oftent times people will perceive that as an autistic trait or will perceive that as a neurode divergent trait. Uh whereas if a woman is quiet um people often just perceive that as a personality trait and uh they like that but the the tonal impediment like the the tonal uh speech impairments are way more common in men than they are in women just for some reason. Um so it it's it's a little harder to spot. Question number two, are we faking it? No, we are not.

[00:04:40]Um I I think a lot of people think that because we are really good at masking ourselves that we don't actually either suffer from the bad sides of autism as much or we don't um even have autism. Um especially I think if the the woman is attractive, I think one people are uncomfortable when they find somebody who is autistic attractive because it it's like oh no, I find someone who's special need special ed attractive. What does that say about me? Well, nothing because I autism doesn't have a look.

[00:05:11]Anybody can be autistic. Um there are a lot of co-orbidities with autism that give people different medical conditions that um are make it more obvious like a lot of um autistic people will walk uh pigeon toaded or um you know they stem in public and that's uh something that can you can spot with your eyes but for the most part you can't spot it with your eyes. We don't all look like Chris Chan. Um, a lot of people just assume that we all look like Christian Chan or we're all just like a certain type of like white guy. Um, and that's not true.

[00:05:43]Um, most of the autistic people I know are intersectional where I Mexican, Asian, black, gay, um, all those types of things. because I know autistic people in those groups from uh not only just real life but you know uh therapy spaces and um like autism meetup spaces.

[00:06:05]So there there there's everybody. It's it's not if if you actually go outside and you go to a place where there's a bunch of autistic people. Um so like an anime convention. Um there's there's going to be just as much diversity as there would be anywhere else. Um autism doesn't have a look. What are the signs of autism in women? So the signs of autism in women are a little bit different than the signs of autism in men. And that's just because women are kind of conditioned to keep quiet about their um I guess more intense emotions, their their aggression and um uh those kinds of things. And they're also more uh conditioned to withstand sensory issues. So when you're a little girl and people are making you do hairstyles and wear dresses and things like this and you you're complaining about it being uncomfortable, it's beauty is pain and that's just life. And um you know, you I I never had the experience of having to like dress up to go to church, but you know, like that kind of thing. It's it's it's a lot more common to make little girls do that where if a boy is fussy about that, it's like, "Oh, of course he doesn't want to wear his suit." um you know and they're a lot it's a lot easier I think in society to cave into a a man's whim to dress the way that he would like to dress versus um people like to police the way that women dress.

[00:07:30]Not to say people don't police the way that men dress. People police the way that everything works everywhere. Um it's just that uh it's a little bit more socially acceptable to um oh your your little girl is uncomfortable with her hairstyle. Well, too bad. You just have to get used to it. Um that's and it's it's hard to discern whether like what is just a little girl not wanting to like wear a certain tight ponytail and what's an autistic trait of um sensory problems. And I think that the like the the the the divide there really comes down to like severity. So like you know like the ability to take it if they they do take it um and they can sit through say a church service with their hair in a tight ponytail for a long time. I mean obviously that that doesn't mean you're not autistic if you can wear a tight ponytail. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just using this example versus somebody who um a child who pulls it out. and the child who pulls it out is often going to be punished and then the punishment will reinforce the behavior of not pulling it out. Um, so oftent times you'll just be suffering in silence and that the suffering of the autistic child will be more than the suffering of the child who has gotten used to the sensory uh experience of a tight ponytail. Um, anyway, why don't you seem autistic?

[00:08:55]Well, one because uh I I don't have any uh I I don't have um I don't have a tonal speech impediment and the speech impediment that I do kind of have is under control. Um I'm letting it completely come out during this video because uh it it's you know a video about autism.

[00:09:15]Um so I do stutter, but it's not that big of a deal. Like I never had to do speech therapy for it. Um, and I I I can really I can really get it together. I mean, I it's it's a lot easier for me to just kind of talk like this. So, if you if you're my friend, a lot of times I'll be talking like this, especially if I'm over the phone. I mean, in the videos, I talk very fast and um I I'm thinking I I describe my like when I make my videos, it's kind of like I'm playing a rhythm game. So, I I'm just like panicking a little bit, but in a good way. And I'm like hitting everything. I'm hitting all my points in the way that I would be hitting all the notes in a rhythm game.

[00:09:52]So, um, so, so I it's you don't, like I said earlier, there's no look to autism, but another thing is the reason why like women don't seem autistic is um they're fashionable. People don't really equate autism and being fashionable a lot, which is unfortunate because I think a lot of women who are autistic um are artistic um and uh they express that in the way that they dress. I just a lot of women who dress like anime characters are like autistic and I noticed that and you know um anime is my special interest. You know, who would have guessed? And it's something that I think that a lot of people are like, "Oh, because you part of your interest has to do with taking care of yourself and you have learned how to take care of yourself through your interests." Um, then you you don't look autistic. Um because a lot of like men don't have that like condition to uh or like like straight cis men don't have that condition to um present as I guess best they can appearance-wise. Not to say autistic guys out there, you guys are adorable. I love you all. None of you are ugly. I promise. Um, literally wear whatever you want, whenever you want, however much you want it, and I love you. But I I'm just saying like for the uh the the way that the fa fashion being fashionable in the general public, people tend to uh let women be more, I guess, fashionable than men. And um it's a little bit more expected of women. Um, and yeah. Uh, do you get aggressive? Yes, I do.

[00:11:47]Yeah, I do. I'm not afraid to admit that I've thrown a tantrum like as an adult.

[00:11:51]Like I one time there was this time where the like I had I I couldn't eat anything except for rice, but the rice came out soggy and I threw it everywhere and I was like crying and I was so upset because I couldn't eat this soggy freaking rice. And like, yeah, I do I I um what I I've yelled at customers.

[00:12:15]Um yeah, I get aggressive as hell. Why get diagnosed? Uh validation.

[00:12:20]Uh you know, a lot of people are like, "Oh, are you faking it?" Blah blah blah blah blah. Well, when you can, you know, pull out your I guess you could papers or text your therapist or your psychiatrist or just, you know, for knowing you don't even need proof. You don't even need proof. You don't even need proof just for your own sake of oh professionals have told me this and I don't even need I don't I don't need somebody random to tell me this you know like I professionals have told me this so it's validation so if somebody tells you like oh you're faking it you're not suffering um you can you know well no because who are you who are you I got people with degrees telling me otherwise So, and I know what I know.

[00:13:06]Um, and also for uh a lot of times for like sake of like other people's judgment, if you are like somebody who presents as like strange or quirky, um I I really dislike being called that. Um then you can be like, well, I'm autistic. And some of the time, not all of the time, um a lot of some of the time, people will ease up on um like the way that they treat you um and like the way that your behaviors are because it's like there's a reason. So it's like, oh, you're autistic, that's why. Um so if there's a label to it, it tends to make people more comfortable uh for whatever reason.

[00:13:45]coorbidities, coorbidities that I have.

[00:13:47]So, a lot of times coorbidities with men and autism um they can get more like physical coorbidities. Like I said, a lot of men with autism are pigeontoed.

[00:13:56]Uh a lot of them have tonal speech um uh impairments. Um there tends to be more um higher obesity rates in the uh autism community, especially among the men, I'm pretty sure. Uh I don't don't quote me on that. I I'm don't quote me on that. Um but for women the coorbidities happen to be other mental illnesses and I'm not saying that we don't have like physical issues because a lot of us do have like autoimmune issues. I am lucky to not have those issues. Same with GI tract issues just gut issues in general general. I also don't have those issues or at least I think I don't. My favorite food is fruit. So, uh, if I do, uh, it's probably not really an issue for me because I just eat a lot of fruit and, um, yeah, I'm like a little little monkey, little spider monkey with the fruit. Um, and yeah, anyway, coorbidities with women tend to be a little bit more um on the mental side. So, you get get uh you obviously depression is a coorbidity of autism for everybody. Okay, that is just the big one. I'm pretty sure everyone with depression, everyone with autism probably also has experienced depression in their lifetime. Um, and generalized anxiety disorder. So, those are those things. And then there's panic disorder, OCD. Um, people are more likely to experience uh women are more likely to experience eating disorders. So, like uh anorexia, bulimia, uh afrid or AFR and um arthorexia.

[00:15:30]And then they're also more likely to experience like OCD, body dysmorphic disorder, um panic disorder, uh all those really like good things that we all really like in psychosis. Um just every everything that we love. Um especially if there's like drug use involved um or anything like that, drug use that you're not, you know, it's like not prescribed by a doctor. Um you know, things can be triggered. Um and yeah, so there's a lot of mental uh coorbidities with um autism in women. Um you can see the next one. Are you just quirky? No, I literally said this earlier. I hate being called quirky. I suffer. So I have sensory issues and one of the things that I I I can't um uh I can't be bored. Um you know, special interests are a disability. So, if I'm not getting that dopamine from my from a special interest thing, I don't want to be doing this thing. Like, you know, like if I can't like bring bring it back to these three things, uh, uh, anime, entomology, and psychology. If I can't bring it back to those three things, I'm not going to want to do it. So, I I take care of myself because I want to look like an anime character, you know, and I read because I like psychology and entomology, and I take care of my my insect pets and and all these things.

[00:16:41]And it all comes back to those three things. But if you were to uh for example, I can't really like the way that school teaches math. Like I can do it in science, but I can't really do it in math class because it's only math. I can't bring it back to any of my interests. Um I know that there's like math in entomology, but that's not really the part of entomology that I'm interested in. Um, so it's a little bit uh, you know, you can't I guess force yourself to do something you could you don't enjoy. Like there was this one time I was talking to my dad's girlfriend and she was saying that she watches football to um, talk to talk about it with her co-workers. And I was like, that's like torture. That's like saying that you sit down and do ch Chinese water torture to talk about it with your co-workers because all of your co-workers are super into Chinese water torture right now. So a special interest is different than a passion in the sense of like you are really focused on only those things. So a passion you can um you can put all you can put your energy into it but it doesn't exhaust you necessarily. I mean it can but I'm just talking about a healthy passion here not like a not an obsession. Um, so say say you have a passion for anime but not a special interest in anime, you can probably put anime aside for a while in order to do something else in your life that will benefit you, such as school or work or other things. Um, and you can kind of compartmentalize your uh your school life, your work life, your go home and watch anime life.

[00:18:15]But when you have autism and when you have a special interest, you can't do that. So everything is you you go to you go to work or you go to school and you pretend that you're in anime because it's too hard. Um I used to pretend that I was in Hopes Peak Academy when I was in college falling asleep. I I took a year of college and I was in the dorms and I would pretend that I was in the the Hopes Peak Academy dorms because I could not take being in regular college.

[00:18:39]I just could not do it. I could not do it. There's a lot to that. That'll be a different video.

[00:18:46]How do a woman's social difficulties differ from a man's? Well, I think that women and men are socialized differently. And I think that women are more it's more tolerated for them to be shy, quiet, and I guess reserved. Um, and I I think a lot of times, you know, it it is, you know, autistic traits are it's just quirky. It's just quirky, you know, that that's all that is. and they don't see like the um the other traits are kind of just seeing as being an emotional woman. Like say like you uh one of my um like stems is like self harm. like I just I just And so, you know, like that's kind of seen as like one of those things where it's just like, oh, you when you're just like a teenage girl, but I still struggle with it. And I um uh you know, like it's just it's it's it's a stem for me because it is something that feels stimulating. I need it to stimulate my brain. Um, obviously like there's other things that I can do to substitute that and I'm trying and I've been clean for a while, but like it's, you know, um, still an ongoing battle in my own head.

[00:19:57]Uh, so you you really need to, I guess, I don't know where I was going with that. I was going to say that there's good stems and there's bad stems and, uh, autism has good things and bad things about it. um examples in media. So, examples of women with autism in media. So, Misaki from um Welcome to the NHK I would say is a good example of a of a high like a higher like uh functioning so like a lower like number level um woman with autism on u um on so so woman on the spectrum. Um, another one that I would say is Lane from Serial Experiments Lane. And I think she has a coorbidity with schizophrenia, which is also pretty common. Um, and so she she's pretty messed up. Uh, that poor girl. Um, especially only being 14 and experienced psychosis, which is something that I went through. If you want to know more about that, you can check out one of my other videos. Um, anyway, uh, Rita Tanoji from Love Life. Um, she has a special interest in technology. I think she has a coorbidity with body dysmorphic disorder. She can't make facial expressions very well. Um, and she has to wear a mask when performing on stage, otherwise she's too uncomfortable to perform. And then an example that is not from anime, but is from another show that is one of my other like I watch it over and over again. I think I kind of fit it into the psychology special interest is um Dr. Masters from House Mundy. She uh she's another good example of uh a woman with autism. She her special interest is clearly medical science. Um, yeah. And I think that's about it. If you have any more questions, leave them down in the comments below and I can make another video about this. Uh, more videos about autism, video about psychosis. Um, just if you have requests, let me know. Uh, I just want to thank everybody for getting me here. You know, I I I have a fair few subscribers now, and it's pretty exciting. Um, the other thing I wanted to talk about was uh I'm not monetized.

[00:22:00]So, if you do want to support me, please, please, please, please, please, please, I would love it if you would commission me for art. Um, if I if you are if you have commissioned me for art, I'm working on it. I have I have um I have it up on my computer. So, if you have commissioned me for art, um I'm I'm in the process. I'm working on a couple of things. Um, so if you want to support me or my channel because I am a runaway uh unfortunately and I do have autism and I uh uh am in a group home and all these other good things that are uh that leave me with not very much money, then you can um you you can buy my art.

[00:22:38]There should be some art there. Uh yeah.

[00:22:41]Bye. I love you guys.