The podcast offers a sharp critique of how we’ve traded the messiness of real life for a hollow, curated performance. It highlights a growing crisis where identity is increasingly reduced to a visual commodity rather than a lived experience.
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EVERYTHING IS AN AESTHETIC NOW! | THE RECEIPTS PODCAST
Added:Right. 5 4 3 2 1. Let's go. Hello.
Hello. Hello, beautiful people. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Receipts Podcast. Episode number 302.
Hope you're all feeling good, feeling funky, and feeling fresh. I'm feeling very, very tired, very, very jet-lagged, but I'm here. It's your girl Ty T >> and just call me Audrey. [screaming] >> Yeah, you've got the croak in your voice. I don't know if it's something that's coming on or just I just haven't had enough sleep. So, >> it's probably traveling.
>> It is. Yeah. Yeah. So, I just come back from LA. I went to LA last week and the whole point of going to LA was to go see Julie. Um Julen is new in LA. So, a bunch of us went there to go surprise her for her birthday.
And it was honestly the cutest. It was the cutest thing. So, like we'd made plans. We were getting there. We got there on the Wednesday. The time difference threw me. Jesus Christ. that there's time difference. It's an 11-hour flight.
>> My god.
>> And I'm in economy.
>> That's [ __ ] up, man. The time difference. I mean, >> I thought you said that's [ __ ] up. I mean, [laughter] economy like like gosh, you're poor, man. You are in economy.
That's [ __ ] up. But thankfully, it was the economy of the emergency seats. So, it was right at the front.
>> Oh, perfect. So, it was kind of a cheeky premium.
>> It's basically premium [laughter] ultimately. It's premium with all that seats.
>> I just ly Yeah. Yeah. Just luckily got to get those seats.
>> Yeah, I just luckily got that seat. And um so yeah, 11 hour flight. Um, and as soon as we got there, we had to go get dressed, get changed because we were on a time to in terms of being able to surprise her on time. So, she just assumed that she was going for dinner with someone and then she got there and >> we have been tracking her movement and her location where she's at, whatever.
So, what we did was that the table sat them down and then we just acted like we were just >> like we just walked in.
>> Yeah. We just walked in as a normal table, go sit down and you see her clock at us >> and then she pulls it. Do you not think of like you have people in certain locations? So when you see someone in the location they shouldn't be takes you a minute for your head to be like where would they be? So it was like do they look like my friends or are they my friends?
>> Yeah. She must have just thought it WAS HER MIND PLAYING.
>> YEAH. YEAH. Maybe I missed them so much and then she sees it. You can see the realization on her face and her face just drops and she just starts crying.
>> Honestly it made it made me cry.
>> It was actually so sweet. Starts crying and then she runs away. Question why do we run away when we are surprised? Like why is that a reaction to surprise? But the people who say that um um black people run away because during slave [laughter] >> someone linked it to >> it was Taji P. Henson. [laughter] >> She said that she said that the reason why Okay. No, actually no, this is a false equivalency, but she basically said that the reason why black people run away when they laugh is because during the slave trade they had um black people had to hold their laughter in.
>> So now that we're free, >> it's okay. I WASN'T THERE. [laughter] THAT'S TRUE.
>> WE we have extreme reactions because we're we have the freedom to laugh now >> to laugh. I just think we're just expressive people.
>> I don't I don't see us giving fake news.
>> I mean again I wasn't there. Maybe maybe it's true. But like she does the more we run. She just starts running like so we're following her like you are the father. So we we like followed her and it was like even the people who weren't surprised started crying because it was just all very very emotional, very very sweet. And then we just like did LA stuff. It was said this was my fourth time in LA and typically I haven't loved LA >> and this was like my first time experiencing black LA I guess with people like who live there so you like it was really nice but I will say >> and I'm saying this as a statement of fact not an opinion the DJs there are [ __ ] awful >> oh my god >> I thought you were going to say amazing >> no [laughter] like really >> do you know what everywhere I go around the world the more I go around the world I'm like you know what the UK DJs are incredible >> like let's give it to them. From the old school law of the cosmic days to the new school law of Dun and all of them and DJ L the people know how to DJ in this country in that America. Firstly, it was like they were playing full songs >> like they played obviously scammers. Um >> oh yeah, >> what's it called?
>> Spend it.
>> Why was I going to call that? Scam.
[laughter] >> They played Spend that, right? And never in my life I've listened to that song have I ever heard the verse >> cuz you know what? You don't need to.
>> Yeah. You just after the chorus, you keep it moving.
>> So, not only did I hear the verse, I heard verse one and two.
>> Oh, Lord. Oh, >> and as much as that song is a banger, you don't know that I think Young Miami is one of the worst.
>> Yeah, she's terrible. Even she knows it.
>> Like, as in her, it's questionable.
>> So, I was like, why is this getting played? So, that was all like the DJs are not good, but like we're all there together. It's a really lovely vibe.
Like, >> was it like a club or like a brunchy? So this was so we did a collab that was like also very old school in a cluby ways of the >> getting in for looks type of thing. Do you know do you know me? Yucky.
>> I feel like LA is notorious for that.
>> Yeah, it was quite yucky. I've heard Yeah. Miami LA they're very it's very much like beauty standards hierarchy kind of thing.
>> Yes. So it was very much like how you look and whatever whatever. even to the point so when we first got to one of the first clubs there was like a massive queue and I said and everything shuts at 2:00 >> but their clubs actually closed quite early to be fair we got there quite late and then so like there was a massive queue so I said to the security guard I was like oh what's the likelihood of us like getting in it was like loads of people ending in that queue like it's like it's packed inside like and I literally said to I was like what can a British accent get me was like it'll probably work >> okay [laughter] >> you got to use your privilege where you can >> try it how you can British accent will probably work and also they love the British there were some that was just like in awe of us like say more.
>> Yeah. [laughter] >> Like it was just like wow like >> it was just like this actor can get you anything you want me man and I was just like okay we'll let me in. [laughter] >> Will it get me inside the club because that's what I want right now. Um, but yeah, that night that it's just the DJs every time was just like the DJs was just And the thing is they had the people, they had the vibe, and like obviously music is fundamental to a party.
>> Of course, it's the number one thing.
>> And every single time, and I don't know, maybe we're just used to very good DJs.
I feel like cuz even when we went to Vegas, but I don't know if it's cuz it was Vegas, so obviously they have to cater to everybody, >> but I just didn't like the fact that it was like too much EDM stuff >> and that really surprised me. I just assumed I was going to be hearing hip-hop and RM. I don't know. I guess I just assumed I was going to be here in the same kind of sense that we here. But when we were in Vegas, it was so much EDM and like literally if we heard any R&B or hip-hop, whatever we were doing, if someone's in the toilet, if someone's you're running and you're getting a cheeky 5second dance and then they'll go back to playing that [ __ ] So >> cuz even when we were like at one point like let's like >> let's go. What we doing? Let's leave.
And then Burner Boy came up like let's give a little dance to this. Let's let's have something. But no, it was a it was a really really like lovely trip. Had a great time. Um, >> yeah.
>> It looks really fun. It looks so wholesome. There's nothing like >> like a good family. Yeah. And we like shared the Airbnb. So, we all like getting ready to get It was weird this morning like like going being in the house. I'm like, "Oh my god, it's so quiet." Whereas every morning we would like go to someone's room and just sit there for hours talking and like >> and also sh the whole time we were there, I was just like women are so free with each other. Like you're walking around naked. I was like, "Women on holiday. Do they just walk under their dicks out?"
>> I don't know.
I don't think they do, you know. I don't think they do.
>> Yeah. I don't think they do. [laughter] >> It's actually not necessary why we walk around naked cuz you could just put a pant and a bowl on.
>> Yeah. Or like a towel.
>> A towel. Yeah. You know what I mean?
>> But we were just like to freedom >> to freedom and safety. Yeah.
>> Yeah. But it was was there like any like in there was like it's it's LA in it. So like >> some Americans are not well.
>> What do you mean? [laughter] >> As a country they're going through a lot. Yeah. Oh my god.
>> From everyone everywhere is not [laughter] well. Like it was just >> I don't know. You just realize a difference of danger in a sense of that like you can't just talk anyhow. People have guns. It's not just that I say what I want and how worst case now I get punched in my face. No. Worst case now might be a bit different.
>> Yeah. No. Very much so.
>> So there's that. Um but yeah I if there was some consumerism and me we go hand in hand shop >> like a [laughter] mad person.
>> The thing is I wasn't even buying clothes. So like I went went to Ala and like I just saw all of the Lemi stuff like let me sleep. No, I will give it to Courtney's thing. Yeah, >> that let me sleep.
>> Oh, is it does it hit?
>> Yo, >> a shower, Courtney.
>> It's got melatonin and magnesium in it.
I >> My god.
>> Like as in everything. No, the way I slept I >> I The reason why I know it's I had to go read what was in it cuz I was like, "No, that kind of sleep that I just had was insane." like in in Yeah. Yeah. So, I just bought all of I don't even know what works or not. Sacred is there. So, I was like, "Hey, let me just buy all the sacred things I use." But also, the sacred thing cuz like I've got the edge drops >> and everyone says it works and I can't even say it doesn't work because I realize when it comes to a product I have to use consistently, I'm really bad at doing it.
>> Yes, I am.
>> I'll do that for one or two days, then I just forget.
>> I'm exactly the same.
>> So, how can I know something works and I just don't keep at it? I'll just like do it for a little while. Exactly. And when I say a little while, honestly, sometimes just a week max and I'm like, "No, however."
>> Same. And even if I try to incorporate into my daily routine, like I know I'm going to brush brush my teeth every day.
I will still skip it. It can be right next to my toothbrush. Yeah. I will still just be like, I'll skip that step cuz it's not a necessary step.
>> But um No, I'm exactly the same.
>> It's It's so so It's so bad. It's so bad.
>> I have to just try and remember to cuz I use it as well, but I haven't been consistent. It's just I'm like, "Oh, yeah." And then I'll just dab it. Most I use it like once a week to be like, "Oh yeah, but you're meant to use it every single day to actually see a difference." So I'm actually going to try to crap that I might as well actually try to see if these things worked. And I was I was I don't know what's wrong with it. It was like a all in all 5day trip if that me and overpacking >> cuz I was like I'm not going to take a hand luggage. I'm just going to take a big suitcase. It was over overweight. I was like what's wrong? What do you need?
>> It's impossible for me to be under. I've never like even if I go away for a weekend like not even a weekend forget a weekend if I'm if I'm going away for a weekend I still need a normal size suitcase if I'm going away for one day I need a travel suitcase like you know like some people with a handbag or a backpack >> possible >> if possible like even if my hair was done pre-made pre-glued pre everything I still have things I need to take cuz I need to take a tong and I need to take a straightener I need to take just my hair products alone I always overp pack underwear. Yeah. Underwear. I'm going to [ __ ] myself over there.
>> Not bras. Like bras. I'll take like two.
>> And then >> No, I always take a black, white, and nude bra.
>> Okay. Yeah.
>> Yeah. That's That will always >> I take like two bras. Bare underwear.
>> Honestly, Capnik's like I'm going to [ __ ] myself every day.
>> Same.
>> Also, speaking of my bum bum was shy.
>> What do you mean?
>> I just couldn't share.
>> Oh, you couldn't go. Oh, maybe cuz you knew you were sharing with other people.
>> I don't know. Like I was just like, what? LIKE IT WAS LIKE EVERY TIME I GO AWAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE, my bum's just a bit shy.
>> Yeah. To be fair, I thought there's something about the humid humidity.
Humidity. I think there's something about flying cuz that happens to me. It takes me a couple of days before my body moving climatized before I can go. But yeah, I have the same if I go away for a weekend, I can >> I can Yeah. My bum will just be sh up until like a couple of years ago, I didn't >> like I didn't realize how often you had to poo.
>> Yeah. Like daily.
>> I did not know that.
>> Like I was just like when people used to What's wrong with you? Yeah, >> I thought was like a moment [laughter] that your body, okay, cool. Let's have a little dump. I didn't realize it was like a daily occurrence.
[laughter] And then I like fixed my eating and fixed my gut and got more fiber in. And I was like, "Oh, it's meant to happen every single day."
>> I think I do go most days than often than not. But I sometimes But the thing is, if I sit on the toilet long enough, I'll go.
>> All right. You know what I mean? Even if you didn't plan to.
>> Even if I didn't plan to.
>> Nothing I enjoy more. I don't know why it's so enjoyable than just sitting on a toilet.
>> And I do loads of things that I used to think.
>> Like >> I used to think I only did it because I lived with people. But even though I've lived alone, I would just sit in the toile and I've done it. I finished sat here for a while just like I do that a lot. And I also still do a thing where I sit in the car for quite a while before I go into the house.
>> Same. I just have to gather my thoughts.
I'll sit in the car like I'll park up and I'd look forward to just having that 5 10 minutes just >> I would just sit there for a little bit >> decompressing and just being like we thank God I made it back first and foremost but it's just like I'm not in a hurry to step out of this car. I'm not going to lie.
>> IF I DON'T GET OUT STRAIGHT away I'm in there for about 10 minutes looking I think my neighbors must think I'm a weirdo.
>> I don't like getting out of the car. I can't be bothered. I can't just [laughter] I just couldn't bo I mean >> it feels like such a task. I just can't BE BOTHERED.
>> GRAB MY BAG FROM THE SEAT. I CAN'T HELP MYSELF. AND THEN get a key out.
>> It's just a long egg. I thought it was just me.
>> My bag cuz it's rarely ever closed. Like stuff has spilled out of it now. I've got to go pick it up from the floor.
I've got to There's probably got to be rubbish in my car cuz my car is disgusting. My car rubbish in there, can't I?
>> Rubbish. I've got to throw that. Oh my god, it's a headache. So just me getting the car feels like such a hate it. Like I wish I could snap my fingers and car seat.
>> Oh my god, that's even that much longer getting her out. Like even coming here, I dropped her to my mom's and it was just long. And then it was like I had to get the buggy out and just all of this kuffle. I'm just like, "Oh my god, just get me there." And >> also, do you know the people who I don't understand? People that can just go in their car and go head off straight away.
>> I have to marinate.
>> Oh my god. I have to >> WHY DO WE JUST GOT IN AND DROVE OFF?
>> Even if I'm in a rush, I just have to marinate for a little bit.
cuz I very unless I'm literally going to like my mom's or down the road, I usually have to put something in a satnav more often than not. So, I'll set it because even if I'm driving somewhere, I know I want to see the route.
>> Yes. Do >> you know what I mean? So, it might not be the my usual route might not be the best. I have to adjust. Even though I'm usually the last person that's been in my car, I still have to adjust.
>> People that JUST GO IN THE CAR and jet off like you just sat and drove off.
>> It's like people that just wake up.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Or just people that just wake up or people that just drop.
>> The only time that happens I can just wake up and go is when I woke up looking at the time I thought [ __ ] >> go.
>> Yeah. Outside for that I'll be turning around.
>> Yeah. Same like to like give myself like but if in the morning I realize I tend to overthink more in the morning than the evening. So before bed because I usually go to bed when I'm tired.
>> So I'm not really like >> do you know what I mean? Pontificating before I go to bed. It's when I wake up.
Oh my god. That's when it hits me. And I realize that if I lay in bed too long, it's my mind just goes goes goes goes.
>> At some points, my thoughts have thoughts.
>> Same. My thought like to the point where my brain actually hurts. Like the other day, I was overthinking about something so much that's like proper stressing me out. It gave me a headache. I was like, I have to get up.
>> Sometimes I have to physically shake myself. I'm [laughter] just like, let go of it.
>> And there's this little tingle in the back of your head. It's like the overthinking point. That's what I call it. But it hits you right there and I'm just like, "Girl, get up." If I get up and start my day, then the thoughts start to dissipate a little bit because you're doing other things in it. But just lying there, oh my god.
>> Yeah. That it actually is a problem.
>> It's annoying.
>> And like people say, you rarely ever overthink yourself into some good [ __ ] >> Never.
>> It's never like and then everything went well and it was such a perfect day. It's always like and then if it doesn't work out, then what can you do? And whatever, whatever. All I'm praying my my two prayers this year are suddenly I keep saying to God suddenly.
>> Yeah.
>> I just want something to happen suddenly.
>> Mhm.
>> And also let me let go of things I have no control over. And I have to realize that a lot of my like future plans whatever I actually have >> I don't have that much control.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Close to no control.
>> Actually not much I can like I can do what I can do and that's about it.
Everything else I'm ever thinking is just a thought. A thought a thought a thought. Um and as if I haven't got more things to be angry about in life, I've got a new issue that I would like to bring up. Oh, >> it was actually um you you put it into my mind when you sent me something [clears throat] on Instagram a little while ago >> and it is I have a big big problem and I think it's going to be my next I'm going to make it my personal problem to fix.
I'm not um with how fitness is advertised >> how going to the gym how going to Pilates. So just sent me a video of a Pilates class and a lot of it was very like slick head back and everyone looked great in matching sets and blah blah blah blah blah. And then when we see how people how fitness classes are advertised, how fitness clothes are advertised, it's very much that that look, right? And I'm just like, this is just not true to what it is that when I go to the gym. And also, they always seem to show people at the gym that have quote unquote finished >> whereas most of the people in the gym have not got to their goal weight yet.
They're still figuring it out. It rarely shows people working headscarf on their head, who just got a bag of t-shirt, leggings on. Like there's this always assumption that you just look and I get it marketing like if people look good it's more likely that someone's going to buy it or whatever but I'm just like that whole fitness world is such a flawed way of how people actually look when they work out and I don't know maybe I'm just ugly when I'm working out but like [ __ ] is everybody else got makeup on and is like in a matching two-piece and I say when I am in a matching two-piece do I feel better at the gym?
>> Not really but I'm like oh I look good so like sure whatever.
>> It doesn't do anything.
>> But it doesn't >> and a lot of it is a bag of t-shirt leggings and a headscarf on. And I was like, why has there never been a fitness person that wears a [ __ ] headscarf at the gym?
>> Exactly.
>> Wig off or just underwear came.
>> MHM.
>> WHY ARE YOU NOT AT THE GYM WITH YOUR UNDERWEAR? LIKE IS IT IS THIS NOT WHAT people look like at the gym? And the gym I go to, that's what people look like.
And the advertising of gym is always like, >> where is the person who's still trying to figure out their body yet? Exactly.
>> Who is still actually in the middle of their workout or just started? Why is everybody finished?
>> I couldn't >> mainly at women.
>> I couldn't agree more. I just feel like the commercial commercialization of everything always ends up everything always ends up at the beauty standard even for an industry or a world that is supposed to be encouraging people that don't necess like that want to improve their health or you know they want to feel good within their body or whatever. I feel like that is the last place that should be so uniform and should be so rigid and should be amplifying >> that kind of look and having a look because ultimately we want people to feel comfortable. We want everybody to feel welcome. We don't want to create a space that feels exclusionary and that's how it feels because it's like >> even to improve your body to increase your fitness now you feel like and it's just so much pressure. I feel like it's never ever >> even if I wake up today to be like I have decided I want to be stronger. I want to be fitter. I thought, oh no, but I need to look somewhere before I even get there.
>> Exactly. Before you can even get to that point. And it is hard. I don't know about everyone else, but for me, it's hard enough as it is to get out of the house and physically get there now with all the pressure. Obviously, like that's not to take away from people that do that and all the rest of it because everybody everybody's different, but it's the fact that that is the imagery that's now being pushed and rammed down our throat.
>> Fascinating about Pilates to me in terms of how it's being the polishness of it.
It's very similar to cycle. I don't I don't know if you remember when cycle was really really spin. Yeah. When it was really really cool and there was a place called cycle not street >> and it was over with a py I don't know if you remember it was yeah and I remember at the time I used to work up that road and every time I thought about going I'd look at people going there be like that's not for me that's not for me. Yeah. I was like >> Mhm.
>> Cuz it just looked a it was high ponytails. It was like everything was put together. Everybody looked great.
Everybody was already >> what seemed like the goal look already.
So I was just like well I can't go there as a beginner. I'll look crazy.
>> Exactly. And I feel like the sort of the the commercialization of like Pilates, I feel like cuz it was even not that long ago, there was this Pilates instructor.
She was getting dragged cuz she did some Tik Tok literally saying that Pilates wasn't for black women.
>> Yeah. She was she black woman. No. No.
She was like >> she she looked like a like passing.
>> Ain't no way.
>> Yeah. And she literally was just like Yeah. You know, cuz it's not really for like it's not something that we um need to make inclusionary. Like it's not one of those things like at the end of the day like the certain she basically said that it's for a certain type of woman.
>> I can't remember her exact words but she literally got dragged and a lot of the fitness girlies and stuff were coming for her and like they were educating her on the the history of parties cuz I think wasn't it even a black man that invented it in jail or something like it was some black guy that invented it in jail literally that's how it started like reformer anyway. So they were educating her on that history just being like yeah no shut the [ __ ] up. what are you talking about? And she was basically trying to say like the world of Pilates like if you're already overweight or if you're a black woman like she doesn't like the fact that like more and more black women are going. It was something along those >> No, it was a German physician called Joseph Pilateses.
>> Oh, okay. Yeah, my bad.
>> During World War I, where the [ __ ] did you get back?
>> No, SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT SAYING.
>> NO, someone told me it was actually a Pilates instructor that told me that.
>> She's a big liar. This is a German man called Joseph Palatees.
>> It was literally this in um this Pilates instructor. I went to a class once for like an event and she was like, "Oh yeah, Pilates was invented by a black woman or a black man. I can't remember."
But um and something to do with jail. It was invented jail. But um [clears throat] yeah, so she was like talking all of this [ __ ] And so there's already a lot of like exclusion when it comes to that. And I just I just find it very jarring. Like I saw basically the post that I sent to was like they were promoting this like new Pilates studio and it was just like what the girlies are wearing to Pilates and everybody like had Chanel bags and matching like flipping all of these high-end athleisure brands and all of this stuff and I was just like oh my god. So immediately I was like I wouldn't go there because I just wouldn't feel like I would feel like the odd one out if I were to go to a class. And I think and if you are the woman who was just like I'm a fitness girl and I want to lean towards this thing of making a real re real thing about fitness. The thing is as soon as people want to come insult you come for your looks.
>> Like I said so you can't even if you want to be like you can't even be very true about it cuz oh that's why you're ugly anyway just and I know that there are some people that just really that just is their way of living. Like there are some people that they they want to look their best in everything they do.
And so I'm not I'm not shaming those people that do that and all the rest of it, but it's just this idea of like >> in order to be in order to be fit >> or to enjoy fitness, everything has to be aesthetically pleasing now.
>> And that's that's my that's what I was going to say. Nothing is just a thing anymore. Everything has to be an aesthetic.
>> Like even to the point of eating a Caesar salad, everything is nothing is just that this thing that I do that I do.
>> Yeah. But it's like, oh no, this is everything is like, oh, but it's my aesthetic, it's my this, it's my this.
And like so many things on internet, I just like roll my eyes to it. Like my big thing as soon as I see anything in someone's bio saying 200 something bride. Oh, go the [ __ ] away from me.
>> I know. Immediately muted.
>> Again, this is [laughter] nothing to do with me hating that YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED. WHY IS THAT in your bio?
>> I know. That's odd. is the I have never seen a man say 2026 groom in my life.
>> Ever. [laughter] [gasps] >> These people are even get married in secret. And these men are >> they are the men are getting married in secret.
>> They haven't told one of their friends like that when >> they told their friends not to post.
[laughter] >> Do you know how mad that is? Oh my god.
Oh, maybe they're close friends and I'm just NOT ON THERE.
>> YOUR BIO JESUS CHRIST my voice. Your bio is saying 2026 bride >> baby.
>> Yeah, literally >> baby.
>> Yeah, >> I have so much to say about that and I just cannot until I get married because I am that I'm not willing to take the insult you're not going to give me.
[laughter] Like I just cannot.
>> But they know it's true though. They feel the same way. It's just it's just it's just ridiculous. Like I just Yeah.
I just literally roll my eyes back in the back of my head when I see [ __ ] like that.
>> What's going on here?
>> Yeah. I'm [laughter] just I'm just like that ain't it, Dwag. But >> everything is an aesthetic. Nothing is just a thing.
>> Nothing. People are not just doing things anymore. It's just like you've like the thought of like going to a class and having to put so much thought and effort into how I even just the fact that Exactly. You need to go and sweat and ugly. There's no way if I'm thinking about all of that stuff I'm doing a good workout. It's impossible. like I'm worried about >> because I'm so worried about like my positioning and how I look and then I don't want to go somewhere where I feel like um the odd one out or everyone's already like you know here are the results and I'm like the working I don't want to I don't personally but I don't see any of that in my gym. do feel like there's that world and then there is the reality normal everyday the reality of like actually going to the gym and honestly on the odd occasion that I do guys haven't been in such a long time I don't see any of that stuff not in my gym anyway >> I actually feel more comfortable working out with a baggie top because I'm not worried about pulling my legs up my stomach >> out I don't want to be sucking in I just want to go there and do what the [ __ ] I need to do and get the hell out you know what I mean so that's my thing but >> I would just love for someone to like lean into that >> just not just bring people more in cuz I remember for the longest time I didn't think I could perform form of until I lost weight.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> I'd have to be a cert to be able to do it, which is like so ridiculous.
>> It's ridiculous cuz it's it is a form of exercise and it's a really good form of exercise. I just don't know how this like this like imagery has become attached to it. It's a form of work.
It's a form of working out. And now this like luxury thing has been attached to it. And it's just like >> I guess it [ __ ] should be. Every class is £25.
>> Yeah, I guess. I guess so. I guess so. I guess even in that sense it's like very expensive. So it's quite exclusionary in that sense. It's not really like but yeah just the perfect water bottles the perfect outfits like the matching this the designer athleisure wear like it's all very exhausting like I'm going there I'm going to sweat I have my wig like my gym wig or I wear a cap or I just go with my wig or my headcarf whatever go in a t-shirt >> or a matching set whatever. Like I'm not opposed to nice gymwear. Like I do have some nice two-pieces and stuff like that, but like I want the option to do it either way and >> I just want all the options, all of the ways to be visible.
>> I don't just want one set of ways to be able to look at it. Like it's fine like do like you said some people that is their thing. They are consistently very >> or that Oh yeah.
>> welldressed >> or that to be the aesthetic that goes with that thing. Do you know what I mean? Because so far I haven't seen anything else that feels very like um welcoming of all types of all like you know body types and like the way people present all different types of aesthetics. I've seen that one and it's just yeah that's just become I guess that's the aesthetic that's attached to >> Oh gosh. Even speaking of aesthetic it's literally impossible to find bad [ __ ] outfits anymore.
>> Like as an in if you go shopping in real life I want to dress to wear club in >> every all the shops now have leisure.
>> Everything is at leisure. Everything is I just want a bad [ __ ] >> Everyone's got like their own version of of athleisure wear now.
>> Everywhere. And I'm so sorry. Call me what you want.
>> You cannot I don't care if it's aloe.
Alo. I don't care if it's SKIMS. I don't care if it's honoractive. You cannot wear gym leggings to the club. You look and the [ __ ] are doing it.
>> They I know >> the girlies are wearing gym wear to the club.
>> I think that is actually going to be a trend that we look back on in 10 years time.
>> What are we doing? It's like when we where people went, "Let me say we [laughter] >> cuz I was not a part of that."
[clears throat] >> Audrey, I know you were.
>> I know exactly what you're going to say.
I was thinking about those the other day actually. The clear [laughter] boots.
>> The clear boots.
>> But the steamed boots. So it's like when we used to wear like boots and tracksuits.
That was me as well.
>> Heels and tracksuit.
>> I love a heels.
>> I think the same way we look back at heels and track. Why was I wearing a heel when a >> track? Exactly. Insane. Insane. And I have a lot of pictures of me dressed like that. But then do you know what other look? It wasn't actually that bad, but it was a [ __ ] moment in time.
>> Who?
>> Lingerie and jeans.
>> Oh my god.
>> With a clear block.
>> THAT ONE I CANNOT LIE. [laughter] >> THAT LOW.
>> I WAS A resident anytime I didn't know what to wear.
>> My goto outfit would be jeans, a blazer, and a lace bra. Like it was like the bl and you would just Yeah. or just some kind of thingy and a lace bra. And the thing is I at one point was the person keeping peacocks open. [laughter] >> Peacocks used to have they used to have lace bars.
>> I used to go there and I every if there's no yellow is black. So do you know what? I'm not even partial to it.
I'm not partial to a visible bar look as you guys know. So if I'm going to wear bra, it's because I have to practically.
>> Yeah.
>> Or it's to show.
>> It's Yeah. Yeah. It's a part of So like give me like a good white vest with a little bright colored bra showing.
>> Cute. But like lingerie and jeans was >> that was a time with a good skinny jean.
You'd have like a lingerie um >> even the lingerie bodysuit >> bodysuit lingerie bodysuit because you'd actually just go and get actual um thingy. You'd actually get actual lingerie and then the shops actually started making them like as bodysuits.
>> So you would have that with a good skinny jean and for me it was my block clear heel. Oh my god you love chef's kiss.
>> I love clear shoes. Clear hills are coming back now though. They are the actual heel being clear. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not I'm not mad at a clear hill now depending but cuz Kanye West was literally designed that shoe.
>> Do you know what I love?
>> The revolution of wedges >> cuz wedges are back now.
>> But remember when wedges used to be just a thick they literally used to be wood or >> wood fat. New York look used to love that. And then the Essex girls would wear like a cook wedge and a bikini.
And I remember I used to be like, I cannot wait to go on holiday and do a wedge, a blowout, and a bik never had a wedge though.
>> I have one now, but I never did like I owned one. The reason I remember owning it was because I used I used I was trying to create a hole in my wall and I used it to as the hammer.
>> Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's how thick and heavy they were.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz it absolutely works.
>> Yeah. I'm not mad at a wedge. I'm not mad at a wedge.
>> But the new wedges are really cute, >> are they?
>> I got a pair recently. They're actually bringing them back cuz there's usually some designer.
>> Yeah. I think a mean amount started it, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think a mean amount started. She's not the greatest of color, but you know, >> but in the vein of what we were just talking about. Yeah. Tell me what you think about this. Do you know Shay Sullivan?
>> No.
>> So, she's basically this creator. I think she got big on Tik Tok. I've only ever seen her on TikTok, but she's absolutely gorgeous. She's like this blonde bombshell and she makes content with her man. I can't remember his name.
Sorry. Like, she's so gorgeous that he just fades into the background for me.
And he also plays that position really well where he's like, "Ta, look at my beautiful girlfriend." Okay.
>> She just seems really likable. She's very like Yeah, she just seems really likable. She's really bubbly. She's got a great personality, but she is bomb.
Like she's got that whole kind of like Anna Nicole Smith kind of ' 90s supermodel kind of vibe.
>> And yeah, so she recently got married, so her whole journey has been like pretty much on TikTok with her man or whatever. And she's been talking about her wedding quite a lot, but she does it in quite a fun way. Like it's quite it's quite cute and girly. Like it's not like cringy. So anyway, she's finally had her wedding, but she has been talking up her wedding dress quite a bit. I think she did her own makeup as well, which is cool. And then like she did the reveal cuz they had the wedding. I think they got married in Italy. It was all very gorgeous, all very sexy.
>> And um yeah, and then she did the reveal of her dress and then people were kind of like kind of dragging the dress. They were saying they didn't like it. But I think what matters is that she likes it.
But I'm not even here to talk about her dress. So anyway, this other girl made a video. Yeah. And she was basically like, "Tell me if you think this is backhanded or not." So, she was like, "Oh my god."
Like, obviously Shay Sullivan got married and she looks so gorgeous. Like, I really like her. Like, I'm such a huge fan of her. And like, one of the my favorite things about her is that she really looks like she just loves food.
Like, she looks she looks like she eats fats. Like, she looks like she has breakfast, brunch, lunch, and dinner.
She just looks like obviously she looks snatched and she's so gorgeous and she's got you know obviously she's lost a little bit of weight for her wedding but she just really seems like she eats like and she just really just looks healthy and like and and yeah so she she was saying all of that >> is she um her wedding did she have like Vivian Westwood dress on?
>> I think so. It had like some it was like a I think it was Vivian Westwood actually. It was a it was like a princess style dress and she had a updo.
No, she had upd Yeah. And so she made that video and then I'm not going to lie, like when I heard it, I understood where the girl was coming from. I genuinely understood because I guess I can critically think, but like I genuinely saw what she was trying to say, but I can also see how it would sound like girl, what you like, >> you know me, I'm sensitive.
>> Like what are you >> I think so many things are backhanded. I >> sound it sounds a bit icky.
>> Yes. I I I think a lot of people are backhanded in in saying what they want to say. So my initial reaction to be that would be like, "Oh, that's blackhanded."
>> Like is it I don't know. It's the same vein to be like, "Oh, I just love how you you can say you're so confident to wear anything. I could never wear that."
Sorry, what did what did you mean? Like as like why should I be confident to do this?
>> Yeah.
>> Like >> I remember like cuz I can I go without makeup on socials on here quite a couple of times. Remember someone like I think she said something about like, "Oh, you're so brave." I'm sorry. What do you mean for showing off my BARE NATURAL FACE?
>> WHAT'S BRAVE ABOUT me showing my natural face? And also she like her her attention might not be that. But my thing was like what's brave about me showing like should I be brave?
[laughter] LIKE IS IT THAT BAD THAT what I'm doing is an act of bravery because my actual face is so horrid.
>> So that's how I see I see that you trying to say I'm fat.
>> Yeah. Exactly. And I think >> AND IF YOU ARE SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY.
YEAH.
>> YEAH. And honestly I think like and cuz my interpretation of it like I did see what she was trying to say. should look beautiful and healthy, but I just think that some things are just never going to land. So, like even when that girl said that to you, in my mind, what she's trying to say is so many people don't come on camera with their with with their bare face natural with no makeup when they're doing something perform like when they're performing essentially when they're at work, when they're on camera. Very few people do that. So, like that's dope of you to do that. Like that's how I interpret it. But I can also see how it would land very shady.
So, I did understand what she was trying to say. But in my mind, I don't think I would go I would never make a video and say all of those things like you didn't need to say she looks like she eats fats and like A WAY TO SAY actually >> Couldn't she just stop it? She looks so beautiful on her.
>> She looks so she looks so healthy and it's like there's ways to be like for example because I think some people are very very beauty and like their beauty is attainable.
>> Yes.
>> Like because they just look like oh like you're very beautiful and if I did what you do I could look like you as well. So there's ways to say it and again it depends where your where your mind's at.
We're just like oh that's weird. So if the girl said to me, she was like, "Oh, I just love that you don't wear makeup at times." Yeah.
>> It's nice. It makes me feel like I can do the same. And Yeah.
>> Fair. But to be like to add bravery to it though.
>> Yeah. Exactly. And I think that with people when they say things like that, sometimes they just they don't know how to word things.
>> Yes.
>> But I just feel like if you haven't said, "Oh, she looks like she EATS FATS.
WHAT DOES THAT MAKE? WHY are you saying that?" That's what I'm trying to say.
And I feel like what she was trying to advocate for was And it's weird because to me, she's very slim. LIKE I DON'T LIKE THAT. YEAH. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I'm just like, >> but I guess maybe that's like a white girl standard of beauty where they're looking at someone like Shay Sullivan who I look at as incredibly slim, but maybe in their world because the beauty standards are very different. Let's have it straight. So to her, she's looking at someone that's curvy because the standard of like what curvy is in certain cultures is very different to what curvy means to my world to me.
Absolutely. You know what I mean? I'm looking at Shay Sullivan as a white as a black woman thinking >> I I genuinely see a a skinny blonde white woman. And also what you mean about the different standards is so pre I remember right this is like this and it was like it's a life lesson and I think it's a life lesson for all black women you didn't learn at one point >> like when I like hang around with like my white friends or whatever and I'm like do I look at them I'm like yeah you look fine and sometimes I get home I be like did these girls [laughter] >> like or do they just not see what's wrong like do you remember the early days when we first started wearing closures and we just could not figure out how to make that thing stay and it would literally half your day your your wig would be back chilling. It would remember the little ones that used to look like paint and they used to That's what that was a glue. It was like a little brush in the thing. Oh yeah.
Early days for me nail varnish glue.
Yeah. And that thing just did not you thought about sweating and it just went back.
>> God forbid it's a little bit warm.
>> Yes. So and I remember it was that one I'd used it and I was to my friend like we'd gone out after work. I was my hair worker. She's like, "Yeah, you're fine.
I look great."
>> And I looked in the mirror. house [laughter] >> and I was like, is it does she just not see what's >> No, that's a language barrier because how does [laughter] how does one HOW DOES YOUR BOYFRIEND TELL YOU THAT YOUR HAIRLINE >> my wig was your hair I PROMISE YOU MY WIG was here [laughter] like it wasn't even a thing of oh just a little bit shift BACK IT WAS BACK IT WAS SO BACK >> NO as a white girl that doesn't wear wigs yeah but now they're starting to because I keep on seeing anyway that's a story for another day but how do I explain to my black friend that you've got one scalp here, BUT YOUR OTHER SCALP [laughter] IS TO BE FAIR. I think you >> your other scalp is there.
>> There's no way to say, "Babe, your hair is a bit >> Oh my god."
>> And maybe at the time she didn't know it was the way.
>> Maybe she didn't know. She just Maybe she thought it was new fashion.
>> But like I my my one white friend Karina, she would tell me she don't give a she don't give a [ __ ] But maybe cuz she's Eastern European, so they have a they're a bit more direct language.
>> Yeah. She would literally just be like, "Baby, your hair's here."
>> In fact, I think a lot of Europeans are so And I think maybe it's a language by thing. They It's >> Oh, yeah. They're very very blunt. I'm not mad at it because I feel like black people can be the same way. Like we're not sensitive to certain things. Like >> especially if you're being honest. Like do you know what I mean? But literally my friend Karina will be like, "Babe, your hair is like right there.
[laughter] >> Your hair's she'll be like she'll be like, "What's going on with your wig?"
Like why is it?
>> Yeah. She would literally tell me. But I just think there are some people and also people are very scared of >> um talking about black women. Exactly.
Maybe that's what it >> for the longest while we've told them don't talk. My hair TOUCH IS MY HAIR.
[laughter] I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
>> I'M [ __ ] confused, mate.
>> I don't know. I don't want to offend the black people.
I don't know what to do.
>> Just you and your scalp. Just sit over there. Yeah. Scalp. Sit. [laughter] Scalp. Please sit. I'm minding my business.
>> You [ __ ] >> I've got [ __ ] all FOR YOU, BABE.
>> MULTIPLE HAIRS, LASHES, [laughter] AND YOUR SCALP, AND YOUR DIRTY little >> I cannot lie. If I was a white girl, I would just be like, "Yeah, [laughter] >> that's not something I'm trying to get involved in." I might even be like, "What do you want me to say?" What am I allowed to say?
>> Also, I feel like maybe she was looking for more like friction, like if your hair's like frizzy or sticking out.
>> She wasn't looking at the hairline at the back of my [ __ ] [laughter] forehead. Crazy.
>> She wasn't looking at that. She was like, "It's laying straight." You're like, "No, >> sometimes I look at old pictures and it looked like a helmet."
>> And I thought I was eating old pictures.
I mean, even invisible.
>> 2017, >> 2018, [laughter] 2020. Like, I cannot lie. My wig is cool. wig just looked like it was just plumped on our head and we just used to just have it so forward.
>> Yeah. No, it was I don't know why. It was literally there >> and I was like a I was a full bundle girly.
>> I used I love full hair. I love full hair. But you look stupid.
>> No, but the thing is I don't know. I I missed the fullness of 2010's hair.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Because back then you could get two bundles honestly would pull your hair >> and they used to hold a curl. I don't know what's happened to the hair now. It don't hold [ __ ] It's thin as [ __ ] You now need four or five bundles to even achieve anything that looks remotely full. But back then we were getting the bundles were bundling. But also >> we didn't know how to necessarily like apply it. But I guess it's just a thing that just evolves. Everything gets better with time. And at the time we were eating.
>> Yeah.
>> You just have to just always >> Yeah. Yeah. You have to remember time it slapped and no one thought it looked bad. Everyone's wigs were forward, >> you know. Everyone's wigs were very somehow, you know, but we move. We've we've evolved.
>> Thank God for evolvment and growth.
>> Thank God.
>> No, beauty looks have I always find them so fascinating over the years. And that's why till today the '9s will always ru me, you know, because they they smash their beauty look that's like over decades. It still looks banging now.
>> Exactly. Like those pictures still land now. Those red carpet looks still look now. The only only critique I have and it's just a small one and again but I think that might be more down to photography is like sometimes the foundation but I also think that that was like a look of the time to look white not look like a [laughter] white person but that was the style of makeup.
It was very matte.
>> I don't think makeup had evolved that much.
>> It hadn't.
>> So if you cuz if you think about when we started wear makeup we all went matte moose >> literally >> and every black person was wearing the exact shade and we were none of us were the exact shade.
>> There was no variation in and maybe First I do MAC, everyone was doing NW4 25 35 and it's like 45 was the was the >> that can't be all about shades because we've all So I think it was like makeup then wasn't that good.
>> Yeah. No, it actually wasn't. And maybe that was for everybody but um cuz then there was a time when like the white girls were really orange >> as well like so that was probably down to like tone not being formula 100%.
Yeah. Things weren't great.
>> Yeah. But now Yeah. Now it's obviously a lot better. A complete different story.
Did you watch a World Cup?
>> Final.
>> No, I didn't watch.
>> No, I didn't watch anything. I didn't even watch the England. Like, honestly, everybody was watching that last England match and I was watching Love Island.
[laughter] >> But you really are not into sport. I'm into sport when it's like a >> No. Do you know what it is? Usually I like the World Cup and I like the Euros and stuff like that because I like all the energy. But I feel like this one fell flat. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's cuz it was in America so all the time zones. So like watching games at 9 10 o'clock. I I just I didn't feel the vibes.
>> It was a different vibe cuz the time difference but that last England versus France match >> Yeah. I didn't watch it.
>> I have resigned to the fact that I can actually not be a football fan.
>> Yeah, it is very >> I care too much for something that I do not give a [ __ ] about that last game.
So, I'm watching it. Obviously, it's this like we England was going in 1 nil, 2-0, 3-0, 4-0il, and I was like this is like wow. Go England. How amazing. And this I think that it was 4-0 at the end of the first half, wasn't it? and I would come and see me because one thing about me when England's doing well that were you in LA?
>> I was in LA. Yeah. Yeah. The pride I WAS JUST LIKE THAT'S MY COUNTRY. THIS IS ENGLAND. I I carried it on my chest like let's go. So come back after halftime. I was like oh that we've won like I was like there's no way someone comes back from a 4-nil.
>> France scored as any but this time was M beep.
>> He scored but I was like fair.
>> He's he's a very good player. They're going to let him. In fact, it's like, >> "Yeah, you should score in this match."
>> And then it was 4-2, then it was 3-2, then four. I said, "What the [ __ ] is doing?
>> How can they catch up?"
>> I was like, "How can they catch up like this?" Like, "What's going on?" And in the all I kept thinking was that I would love to know what their coach said to them when they went back.
>> They relaxed then.
>> But I'm not being funny. I'M RELAXED. IF I RELAX, IF I'm banging out goals and we're currently first half is 4-0, I'm I'm going I'm going to rest a little bit because ain't no way no one's coming back. Exactly. But I also want to know what the French coach said to them in that room.
>> Yeah. He must have If you guys don't give them [ __ ] weed, [laughter] DON'T RULE IT WITH RIGHT NOW. I'M GOING TO [ __ ] YOU UP. Like I said, that man insulted them. And I wish I was in the room to hear how we blasted all of them TO THE POINT THAT after they scored a 34, I was like, "Hey, can we go? Can we?" I made him. I said, "Can we go? Can we go?" I I physically cannot watch this thing. I had to leave. Yeah. I was like there was no way they can >> they can catch up now and they're caught up. But then you know Saka scored and Bellinham scored who had a great tournament.
>> Yeah. He had a great Yeah. Shout out to him man. Like that must be insane. But >> that was a good match. And then there was the Spain versus the final Argentina which was the final. I I was watching that England match and I thought imagine if this went exactly how it went but it was the final. I think England as a country would have >> we would have heart I think people would have had heart attacks.
>> We actually would have like crumbled. We can't even manage the heat.
>> We we I don't think the excitement would have been something anybody could have been able to deal with. I think honestly England would have crumbled um in the best of ways. But this like obviously there was a thing of everybody just being against Argentina rightly so hid country like [laughter] >> the fact that they had absolutely no black people on the team wasn't just a commission. It was purposely done by the infrastructure of that country and how it works blah blah blah. Anyway, so everyone is just like you are going like >> against them. Firstly, I would just like to put it out there. I know I'm not part of the FIFA um organization and I have no say in this, but I think we should rethink the sidewall.
>> Oh, why? Not that I know what it is, but >> I think it's stupid. I know my understanding of it. [laughter] >> But why would the defenders get back on time?
>> What? What do you mean?
>> Like if they just hung around a bit then YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LIKE COULD YOU JUST NOT DO IT ON purpose and just make things outside every single time? I'm like, "No, no, don't just nod cuz I'm being stupid."
>> They can't try to do it.
>> Yeah.
>> Highline.
>> Yeah. But they do it on purpose sometimes, isn't it? So it can be. So if it can be done that people can purposely make sure something's outside, we probably shouldn't do it like that. But if >> Okay.
>> And then because they move up then through [clears throat] >> Right. So you mean that there's strategy to football. They're not just kicking it around.
>> Yes.
>> That's what I heard.
>> Imagine 90 minutes are just running up and down with no >> in my mind they're running up and down.
>> I also think they should rethink um the time as well. I think 90 minutes is uncold for that much cardio. Yeah, it's a lot manu and those punches are huge as well. All about [laughter] 19. No, do you know what? Let them earn their money.
>> No, my friend paid well. Suggested that first to school is the winner [laughter] >> and then party.
>> Yeah, >> school that was everyone go home and relax. And I'm not actually mad at that, but I do think we should rethink that aside. Also, I learned so many new things. I learned that go hanger was a term for people hanging around but which I didn't know that it made sense why Gabilica's COMPANY IT'S CALLED GO HANGER I WAS LIKE YOU'RE LYING >> WAIT WHAT DOES IT mean >> I can't remember FULLY [laughter] BUT IT'S SOMETHING to do with people just hanging around the >> go wait for someone to pass the ball to them and then just shoot >> but isn't that what isn't that what defense is supposed to do >> which is what you would do if there was no outside rule >> my head hurts [laughter] >> look at me >> my head hurts all kind of >> no you really know your stuff.
[laughter] I haven't even got wrapped my head around what the offside rule is all the way.
>> It's cuz you know what though? When people explain it, right, they purposely make it complicated. I just sound so >> Anytime I've asked and someone's explained it, I'm just like [laughter] putting objects out say somebody ah shut the [ __ ] up.
>> But I just think we should cancel it and we rethink it. M >> I also think we should do a thing of like is there ever like an allst star football outside like as instead >> of World Cup right we'll do like >> the best of all the players that play for a certain country >> so Hima so do you know like so all the people that play sport for Arsenal Liverpool blah blah blah blah blah the best of them people that play sport for like Milan Barcel like does that make sense >> do you know every country's got it inter teams >> yeah can we not do a world cup of Isn't that >> Oh, do we have that?
>> Yeah. What's that? Isn't >> No, not celebrity. What's the other What's the other cup called? Where?
>> No, there's Premier League.
>> There's Premier League. That's obviously in the UK.
>> But what's the one where the >> No, never mind.
>> Champions League.
>> Champions League. No, UEFA.
>> UEFA Champions. Oh, that's the same thing. I thought they were separate. My bad. So, UEFA. Isn't that where What's UEFA?
>> Europe. Europe.
>> In Europe.
>> In Europe.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh, okay. That's what I thought it was.
But no, you're saying something different. So you're saying the best players?
>> Allars?
>> Yeah. All stars.
>> Oh, so you're saying like the best from Chelsea, the best from Arsenal.
>> Yeah. And they have a team >> and then they play the best from like Milan, Madrid, blah blah blah. Then they play the best from whoever's playing in Africa.
>> Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> I think that would be fun.
>> That would be fun. That would be cute.
>> Yeah, I think that would be cute. FIFA or any organization together.
>> You guys think about that? But everyone seems to hate as an organization and says they're >> it's giving very corrupt.
>> Also, I'm sorry. This is what I always Argentina are ruffians. that team are a bunch of criminals. [laughter] I hear it. I hear if you lose and wanted to fight to change your story >> because I if someone beat me in a game really really badly, I will be like, "Let me just change the headlines here."
So the headline is not going to be you beat me. The headline is now there was a fight broke out because I'm so embarrassed, right? But these were just ruffians. They were just PUSHING PEOPLE LIKE CHARGING INTO PEOPLE. WHAT A bunch of disgusting roughies.
>> Yeah, they're not beating the allegations.
>> THE GUY THAT STRANGLED THAT OTHER GUY.
Oh no, France is better than me.
>> Someone got strangled.
>> Like I would go into a fight and he grips me up by his neck. You can't grips me up by my neck unless we're [ __ ] Are you crazy?
>> Yeah, that's insane.
>> If I was France, I would let all that happen on the thingy and then we would have rushed them in their changing rules.
>> It's giving racism.
>> You would rush them their changing rules. We have to rush them.
>> It's giving racism >> and it's giving that they just thought they were going to win. So I think they were just annoyed and apparently I've seen us really good at penalties. What was the final score in the end?
>> 1 nil.
>> Oh, all of that over 1 nil.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh [laughter] my god.
>> And also it wasn't even like Argentina lost Bears like as in they didn't have any shots on like as in nothing. It wasn't even like they could have won.
>> So they didn't play well.
>> True. Okay.
>> The person who was the hardest working person in the Argentina team was the Argentina goalkeeper. That man was fighting for his life.
>> Bless him. I I could never be a goal.
>> And it would have been 3-0 if two of the goals went offside again. See offside getting in the way of goals.
>> Exactly. GETTING AND THE WORST bit about CELEBRATING IS LIKE, "YEAH, EVERYONE'S EXCITED." IT'S LIKE offside down. I hate it. That's the worst thing when it goes in. And when I'm watching it from my naked eye, I don't know any of the rules. I All I know is the balls hit the back of the net. That's got to be a goal. And then Nick's like, "No, no, no.
We've got to wait for them to declare it." I'm like, "Dear what?
>> What you mean? That wasn't a goal. That was [ __ ] clear as day, bro. What is there to debate? What is there to talk about?" But then he'll be like, "Oh, yeah, it was this. It was." I'm just like, "I don't know what that means. All I know is that man scored >> and he should get that point >> and he should get that point. But the worst No, the worst thing that had No, first of all, goalkeeper, that must be a lot of pressure because you're kind of just standing there. You're a bit of a spare part until THE BALL STARTS AND such a pinnacle moment. I'm holding my >> I'm not going to lie, I would just crawl into a ball. [laughter] That's why I could NEVER BE A GOALKEEPER.
>> AS SOON AS I SEE that [laughter] ball coming towards my face cuz even now if I'm walking in the park and I see kids play, I get scared. So, I would just crawl up into into a ball. I would not be able to do it. But yeah, I just Yeah, football. It is very um Yeah, it's a very intense sport. It's a But I just wasn't in the spirit this time. I don't know why.
>> No, I hear it.
>> I just Yeah, I just feel like the Americans kind of ruined it. Um >> my gosh, the American that America is capitalist as because even the idea of the hydration break, right? Initially, I was just like, why do they do that? A lot of them train in hot. They train to be able to do this. But it's so they can get ads off. [snorts] >> Of course it is.
>> Yeah. Like as in that's what it's for.
Yeah. Yeah. So you can get some ads off.
Like duh. Like why didn't I think of that?
>> And then also I don't know. I can't show.
>> That's exactly what I was going to say.
Is that is that normal? I feel like on the World Cup it's not me. I have never seen that before performances. I mean suddenly I see Shakira shaking her hips up they don't lie. And who she perform?
>> Of course they've got to have a >> What day has she got that she gets a World Cup song?
>> I don't know. But she used to be married to that guy. What guy?
>> Oh, she was married to a big player. I can't remember his name.
>> Was he pay for Argentina?
Spain. And they've got two kids together. I can't remember his name, but she was married to a footballer.
>> But also to give it to her, nothing.
There will there will never be a World Cup song that beats wa here is this time for Africa. Where was it time for Africa? Where was it being hosted?
>> I have no idea. Well, it must have been hosted in Africa that [laughter] year because why would YOU SAY SOUTH AFRICA?
>> Like what's that got to do with it? OH MY GOD. SPEAKING OF AFRICA, >> have you seen that video of Rihanna that's resurfaced >> of Rihanna?
>> Which one?
>> It's a really old video, right? And someone said to her to be like, "Oh, do you have anywhere that you'd love to perform in?" And then she was like, "Yeah, Africa." And the guy was like, "Anywhere specific?" He was like, "Yeah." So she said, "Yeah, for the children with the AIDS."
>> Oh.
>> She said, "Yeah, for the children with the AIDS."
>> Was she high? No, IT WAS LIKE A DAYTIME INTERVIEW AND IT WAS LIKE GOD, >> WHY WOULD YOU SAY FOR CHILDREN where no said where the children with the AIDS?
>> LORD OF >> HOW LONG ago was that interview?
>> It was it was a while ago.
>> Okay, so I'll give her credit. No credit. I'll give her a bl because it's like >> and the thing is even the person the um the question person who asked the question, you can tell cuz it was a black guy. So you can't just say Africa.
It was like >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She was like the children with the AIDS. Oh lord, [laughter] >> it's so funny. But also like why would you say that?
>> I really hope it was her um first album era when she >> it was it was she had like wings when she was young and you know fresh off the boat from Barbados and all of that stuff and just didn't know and just wasn't media and all the and all the rest of it. So >> but yeah, Bernab Boy performed as Shakira. I didn't apparently Madonna performed but at that point I didn't see that >> the most. It was so funny because Justin Bieber performed, right?
>> Oh, wow.
>> And when he was singing, I jokingly said, "Welcome, Hallelujah." Why did Why was that the next lines that CAME UP?
[laughter] >> I WAS LIKE, "There's no way you said that."
>> Everything. Hallelujah.
>> Welcome. Hallelujah.
No, no, you we don't need a halftime show.
>> No, we actually don't. Like I to my knowledge, I don't remember it ever it being this like whenever it's been hosted in other countries that seem to really that value football and all the rest of it. It's just about the sport.
>> No one as much as Wayne Rooney. Wayne Rooney was up.
>> I bet I don't think about it.
>> I'm team Rooney on that one. Like cuz what are we doing here? Like, you know, but that's very American, isn't it? I feel like whenever they're involved in any, it always has to be like a big spectacle. It could never just be.
>> The true winner of the World Cup is David Beckham.
>> [ __ ] me. I would love to know how much money that man made his World [clears throat] Cup.
>> Yeah, he's >> Audrey. In that event, there wasn't a place where Beckham's face wasn't in it.
Yeah, he's a footballing icon. He is he he's a he's a media icon. He's a marketing icon. That man is in the belly with money.
>> He really really is.
>> [ __ ] >> He really is.
>> I think he was in like there's a watch that he normally does. He was in like a stellar Ata. He's in another one of the places that he was in honestly probably about six places that he was just a face of it continuously. And I think he's he's perfected that especially with America with World Cup being in America because he's probably one of the very few English sports people that did that crossover >> England to America crossover. Not many people have actually got to do it successfully and he did that >> perfectly.
>> Yeah, he really did that.
>> I mean it's like he owns a team there now. You know what I mean?
>> But also I feel like um the power of having like a visible wife helped him.
>> Oh yeah. It pops out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Because Yeah. to go over as a as a footballing like legend from here and then build a brand and become a household name in the States. That was never easy. just even in general even back in the '9s and stuff like that early 2000s I remember very much like people's rollouts for their career and it was like you blew here and then the next thing it was like to go in America and in the early naughties and stuff like that they would have like a different music video for America it's like the [ __ ] [ __ ] that you shot here yeah in a studio in short ain't going to cut it over in the states so they would have like yeah they would I even remember like bands like five and like the Spice Girls and all of that they would literally have to go and create a whole new music studio to like launch over there >> and yeah I feel like >> the Americans they had some songs they didn't release anywhere else but Europe.
Yeah, like us is not like Yeah, I can't believe they don't know that song. Pop your color.
>> Yeah. Yeah. I think my popcorn. I mean, they don't know that song, which is how >> What do you mean you don't POP COLOR?
DON'T LET WHAT people say.
>> I feel like they would have loved that song. That's a banger.
>> No, it probably just thought I have better taste than we do here. Yeah, there wasn't. They weren't weren't really that into it. So, there's things that was like this is just for you up in the UK and >> I know that they have certain things that's just for like the Asian market as well like and Yeah. And yeah, it's very interesting who decides like what market is going to like what.
>> But maybe we do it less now because of the internet. So you could put globalization everywhere. Wherever it lands, it lands. But back then, but I guess the budget was like, listen, we have to do one market at a time kind of thing.
>> But yeah, good for Beckham. I love that film.
>> Everything Hallelujah.
>> Yeah. I feel like people that the Hallelujah thing. [ __ ] hell. Do you remember it was like everyone's caption >> everything as a society once we grab hold of something we do not [ __ ] let it go but do you know what I'd like us to let go of prepping for the Netflix documentary we can let go of that now we actually can >> we've actually done it >> every single possible thing and the thing is for me when trends when I think about trends like that the first person I saw do it started it >> I don't know who started that >> I've got no idea but I remember the first time I saw it and I thought it was really funny it was like some guy doing something about our um something about surviving toddlers or something and I thought that was really that was the first one I saw. Now I've seen it all.
>> And also now you're seeing niches that what does that mean?
>> Exactly.
>> Make one documentary about the first time I drank WATER AS IT LIKE [laughter] what does that's okay like what does that mean?
>> But do you know who's kind of like done that and it's kind of caused a bit of stir of a stir and this is really quite dark here because trying to come between [ __ ] twins is insane. So Tiami, >> yes. They're not they're not close at all.
>> They're not close. But the thing is I feel like they go in and out as a sister historian cuz that was my show. Um like it's only like come to surface now a lot of stuff about their >> I'm sad that I know really cuz they are twins twins and the SOCIAL EXPERIMENT IS GOING that you guys fell out.
>> Yeah. They were raised by you know two parent households blah blah blah and they're so [ __ ] different. And that's okay cuz they're two different people. I get it. But it's like the tides seem to be turning, right? So basically Tia had done one. She's done that Netflix thing and she was like um surviving having the same per the same face but having completely different values. Something something like that. It's not verbatim but it's something along them lines.
Yeah. Which I think is crazy.
>> Touchy.
>> Which is very touchy because we already know like their fandom is very divisive.
Do you know what I So, >> I mean, one of them is M to Trumper.
>> Yeah, exactly. So, Tamira is like, sorry, so dumb, but they call it [laughter] they call her Taga.
>> Taga is hilarious.
>> No, when I first heard that, >> is [laughter] it because they literally call her Tmaga? And then T has always been seen as like the black twins, right? Which is crazy considering that they are both mixed race. They've got their dad is white and their mom is black, right? And so she's done that and it's just caused like a lot of like conversation online about how now the tides are turning because Tia was always like the the the favorite twin in the black community >> because Tamira was seen as like MAGA and married to a racist and all of this stuff and which she like vehemently denies which she should because she has a whole black mom. Um and then yeah, Tia was like seen as the cool one that's more in tune with the black community and blah blah blah. But since Tia had done that trend, everyone's like saying she's like the evil twin and like actually yeah actually like if you really pay attention like she's done some mad things. And to be fair, I used to watch their reality TV show back in the day and there are some people that had such good reputations that they should have honestly not gone near reality TV because all it done was unveil a lot of things. There's some sides of you that you don't people don't need to see that people did not need to see some sides of you and it was a bit unfair because Tia was like heavily pregnant. I think she had quite a rough pregnancy and stuff like that and it was like you when I watched that show you really saw how different they were, which is fair. They've got the right to be different. They're two individuals.
But you really really saw and I'm not going to lie, Tia didn't come across the best >> on that show. like she did seem to like always throw in jabs at Tamir and there was like one scene where she was like, "Hi, I'm T." Like you know when they do the little intro thing, little BT things. She was like, "I'm Tia. I'm the married one. That's Tamir."
>> It's like little shady jabs and and all emotion.
>> Exactly. And now she's not even married and now she's got some young some she got some Yen and she's making skits and stuff which live your life like you know live your best life. But yeah, now they're online saying that she's the evil twin. And I just feel like the tide always [ __ ] changes. Like it's so insane. Like it's insane. But yeah, I just hope it doesn't truly come in between their relationship because they're twins.
>> I know. That must be quite It must be really sad for parents who like raise their kids the way that the kids just just do not [ __ ] with each other.
>> Exactly. I just hope that this is just all online [ __ ] and like everything's fine. It's very possible for siblings to not be just like it's not written. They just not >> they're just not they just do not and every time I see siblings I'm like no the same uping can actually mean very there's some siblings it's like how are you people even in the same town let alone in the same household.
>> Exactly. Results may vary you never know truly results may vary what you're going to get. But yeah I hope they figure out I really liked like I literally grew up with I grew up with them. Oh yeah, >> and all the rest of it. But yeah, I just thought that that all because of that [ __ ] Netflix trend. But then again, Tia didn't have to do that. So >> it was her fault.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Now they're calling you the evil twins, sis.
>> And Netflix did Netflix reacted. They associated reacted well to that.
>> Yeah, that was that was actually really funny. Really good.
>> Yeah. It was it's it's giving um >> nothing beats a Jet 2 holiday like you don't like free marketing. act and yes, it's a free market and then the brands acknowledge it cuz sometimes people act like they don't >> they're not [ __ ] with that.
>> Some free marketing. What do you mean?
Like everyone's talking about your Netflix documentary and all of these things, but >> yeah. No, that was good.
>> Why am I saying that? There hasn't been a good one in a while.
>> What?
>> A good Netflix documentary?
>> Since not since Maternal Instincts. That wasn't that long.
>> Actually, that wasn't that long to be fair. They smashed it.
>> I can't believe that actually happened in real life. truly >> because how like how do so many things mad things happen in like small towns and stuff like that that are not >> nationwide >> and it's always the small towns that have them >> always they have the biggest stories >> I absolutely love small town gossip I like I said before I love gossip that's got nothing to do with me >> like >> so far removed from >> so far removed some random neighbor that did some random [ __ ] [ __ ] or whatever and also them small towns everyone's in everyone's business >> so you can really have some juicy juicy [ __ ] go on >> really are boy >> so there is that should listen to our dilemas >> and get into you guys juicy juicy [ __ ] >> I think we should deal that right. I will read the first one.
>> Okay. Hi ladies. Would be crazy if you read this. It's crazy. I know people say this constantly, but I'm really a huge fan. A huge and longtime fan. I started listening when you guys did the colorism episode with Maya Jama. And as a black girl who was in secondary school dealing with genuine hatred for how dark my skin is because of people from my school and the media, it was really comforting to hear an honest conversation from all aspects. And hearing how a lot of colorist mindset sometimes comes down to immaturity, lack of understanding, and a follower mindset. Something I came to see as I got older. Anyway, I really love listening to you guys.
>> Okay, my dilemma. I'm graduating university in a few weeks, and I've never felt more like a loser in my life.
For context, I've done four internships during my time at university. One being a year-long placement in a fashion space at a big name brand. I've been applying for jobs since my internship ended almost a year ago and cannot take the rejection anymore. From final stage interview being passed on for internal hires to just plain ghosting, the process has been soul destroying. I've also struggled with my mental health and the situation has caused me to go back to selfharming, depressive episodes, panic attacks, and suicidal ideiation.
It doesn't help that everyone around me has their life together. Friends with less experience are getting jobs and grand roles and I feel really alone in it. My relationship is not helping either. My boyfriend is self-employed and is really making strides with his business and freelance pursuits. I'm so beyond proud of him, but I can't help but feel inadequate. When we met, he will always say how I am a sure thing and was proud of the career woman I am and want to be. Now we're moving in together and I'm going to be relying on him and my parents for rent, food, and socializing money. Something I truly hate. I'm not a soft life babe, I suppose. And yes, I've been applying to retail, coffees, but they're not hiring, too. It's rough out here. Being raised predominantly by a single mom who has always made a way for herself in the world. I have always wanted to stand on my own two feet and carve my own way in the world. So much of my identity is tied to my achievements since I was young, and now I feel like it's a mountain to nothing.
I started interviewing for jobs outside of the world I want to be in and that's pushing me further into depression as it feels like the life I want is more and more out of my reach when at one point it was so close. I feel deplated and like a shadow of myself. My future is not in my control and I don't know what to do. I'm looking into anti-depressants for the mental health side of it. But I truly don't know what I can do career-wise. I spent the last two to three years working for free or peanuts while balancing university or part-time jobs to get top upgrades. I don't understand why this is happening. Maybe because I'm thinking negatively, but I can't control my mental health disorder.
I don't know what to do. I feel like a bum. I tried to do hobbies. I like to write and have been pitching articles, but nothing's picked up yet. Further fueling my feelings of inadequacy. But it's not filling this hole I have where I don't feel good enough. Please, any words of advice or encouragement because I can't take it anymore.
>> Oh, sorry, babe. That's awful. I feel like Did she say she just graduated?
>> Yes, she's graduating in a couple of weeks.
>> She's graduating in a couple of weeks.
Yeah. I think that you know, I don't know that I necessarily have advice. I just have more words of like encouragement and words of like upliftment, if that's a word, just to just speak life into you more than anything. Um, but I just think that like when you graduate and I know it's not just about your job situation, you feel like your whole world is just like going to [ __ ] and all of this stuff and you just generally seem to feel seem to feel quite low which is obviously awful. But I feel like >> you're just putting way too much pressure on yourself to like come out of is it uni or college >> and and land your dream career and even know exactly what you want to do. Um that is normal. It is normal to come out of to graduate and not walk into your dream role or to not walk into >> your dream career. All of that stuff takes time. It takes building. Like very very very few people unless they have something lined up through nepotism or whatever the case may be walk into that situation. So actually if it makes you feel any better, you're actually part of the majority. You're not an exception.
You are very much part of the majority.
And I know for me that would make me feel better knowing that like I'm not alone because sometimes a lot of this feeling low stems from like comparison is a thief of >> you've convinced yourself you are the only >> Exactly. You feel like everyone else's life is moving forward and you're stuck in this rut. You haven't even actually graduated yet. Do you know what I mean?
So you're already >> what is it you say borrowing worry from the future. Do you know what I mean? You haven't even got to that to that point yet and you're stressing out about it.
It sounds to me like you're very much overthinking and even though we've just talked about overthinking on this episode, so we've come full circle. It's not it's not easy to switch those voices off. Even at our grown ages, we still struggle. So, I understand. But you have got so much ahead of you. You've got so much to look forward to. You've got so many things that you can >> and this isn't even an age thing. This just applies to anybody. Do you know what I mean? Like starting again, starting a fresh, whatever the case may be. Like this is just this is just the beginning. Do you know what I mean? And I just think that you need to cut yourself some slack. You need to be easier on yourself. You need to try to alleviate this pressure that you've put on yourself to make everything so perfect. She says you're moving into your moving in with your boyfriend. He's self-employed. It feels like he's got his [ __ ] together. And it sounds like you feel inadequate because you feel like you're not going to be able to like provide and do all of that. But I I assume that if you guys are moving in together, this is all stuff that you've figured out and you know that he you know he's the bread winner or whatever the case may be and he's going to handle things until you get on your feet. you will get on your feet like you'll you'll be absolutely fine. Say she's got a job like you're earning you're not earning you're not in your dream career but you're earning money somehow doing something. I can't remember exactly what you said and that's fine. Like a lot of people are in that situation like I when I graduated I worked in retail for a long long long time before I even landed any kind of job. It wasn't even my career job. It wasn't my dream job. My my first proper job when I got to give up retail was working as a receptionist and I worked my way up from there and you could have never ever told me that I was going to have like a career as a PA.
It was not never anything that I thought of but >> the journey and the trajectory that I went on led me into this place where it was able to open me up to skills that I didn't even know I possessed. So I say all of that to say that you just don't know what life where life is going to take you. You don't know who you're going to meet. You don't know who you're going to bump into. And I'm not saying leave it to fate and have an airy fairy mindset. You can have a positive mindset while simultaneously working towards the things you want. But I just feel like allowing yourself to be in this dark place, comparing yourself to other people, putting this pressure on yourself to be at a certain position, it's not going to fuel you to go out there and do the things that you want to do. So you have to it has to start with within, unfortunately, and everything else will hopefully fall into place. But do not beat yourself up about all of that stuff. Life is just beginning. You haven't graduated yet. You don't know what's around the corner. You haven't even started applying and doing all of the things. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, just be easy on yourself and you're not a bum. You're not a loser and you've got a lot to offer this life.
>> And also like ultimately even if you are a bum, being a bummer in your early 20ies normal, you're meant to be a bum.
Like you haven't worked it out yet. Like to be fair like you're going to the longer you live, you're going to realize that you actually never [ __ ] work it out. you're just in that moment. From what I've gathered, you're trying to work in fashion. It's incredibly hard to get into. Like there is there is nothing about it. It's incredibly hard to get into. And also like >> I think I graduated at a time when there was like when like >> just wasn't no [ __ ] money. There was like a downfall. Whatever. I can't remember what they call. Yeah, [laughter] >> that's the word.
>> So like I completely understand of like you're graduating when the economy is awful. Like it's it's in the gutter.
like as in things are really really bad.
So when you are when you are talking about yourself, please also consider the facts that have got nothing to do with you that actually determine why you're where you're at. I think it's very easy and I do the exact same thing to be like it's me. It's because I'm not good enough. It's because nothing. It's because it's me. But also think about the alterior outside things that have got nothing to do with you but are going to affect how it is. You're not not getting a job because you're [ __ ] and you're a bum. You're worthless. You're not getting a job because the economy is there. No one is hiring and like that's just what's happening at the moment.
That's not a you thing.
>> You haven't like figured things out. But yeah, but you've just graduated like these things are outside of you and where you are and I get that thing of but everybody else have. I trust me when I graduated like I was interning and then I was still working at Santandere and it felt like every single day a new friend are telling me and we were I graduated in a time of announcements. M >> there will be a there will be a Facebook really pleased to announce so excited to be working at >> and you will see everybody's achievements all of the [ __ ] time and it just felt like why am I so left behind why like your time will come you will you it will take a while you will feel a bit shitty I just don't want you to use this as per pimeters of your self worth >> like not having a job right now not knowing what you're doing right now is not a perimeter of your selfworth I again easier said than done look at the good things in your life you've got a great parent or parents. You have a great partner that you can live with.
Many people in their early 20ies were dependent on their parent.
>> If my mom could have afforded to, I too would have depended on my parent for longer. Like as in it is just a thing.
You're not an anomaly because you're the one still trying to figure it out. So many people are. And >> I'm going to say that knowing that as that doesn't comfort me.
>> So I don't even want to say as a comforter for you cuz it doesn't comfort me when someone's like, "But it's not just you. So many people." I'm like, "So also so many people having jobs. Why am I not one of them? Exactly. So, but I'm saying all this to say that like what's happening in terms of looking for job wise and career-wise is not on you.
>> Yeah.
>> It's because of the state of the world right now. And what you need to do is just figure out what it is to get by until you figure it out. You can try so many things and still quit. And also, there's a world of like just try things.
Recently, a friend of something really like to me that's actually really stuck with me. And we were talking about life and career and what to do and whatever and failing and feeling like failing in front of an audience. And she was like, "Do you know how many times Vienna's businesses have failed?"
>> She remember she had a clothing done with LVMH.
>> Like as in so many things that she has done has started and that was in front of us. But you never say, "Oh, she's a failure."
>> Exactly. You just remember the things that >> her Puma collection did do that. Well, there's many things that happened that was just like, but you look at her like as like, "Oh my gosh, she's such a big miss." I saw the clip the other day about Dior and Z was saying, "Remember there was an app for IGTV?"
>> Mhm.
>> Remember when that launched? And the app just went away. Where did [ __ ] did I live IGTV?
>> Well, it just went away because hey, it didn't land. It didn't last. You were allowed to figure something out and be like, "Oh, that didn't work." And fail at it and get something else. So, I know that at the moment, what you want is fashion and you want to work in fashion.
Open your world up a little bit. And you'd be surprised the skills that you learn in somewhere random can actually help you in the skills of what it is that you want to do long term. And I know you're seeing your boyfriend.
You're like, "But he's doing so well."
Baby, sometimes it's good. As some people say, it means God is around the corner. If everyone around you is doing well, your turn soon.
>> Mhm. yours soon come and it's encouraging as well. So rather than seeing it as like what did I say?
Comparison is a thief of the night. No, that's not what of joy. [laughter] >> Comparison is a thief of joy. Not of the night but also of the night.
>> You're thinking of thief in the night.
>> Thief in the night. [laughter] Yeah.
Comparison. So like avoid the that that's one fire way to make you depressed to think of what everybody else is doing what you're not and compare them to where you're at. That is a sure fire way. That is the first thing that comes from that to your depression.
Like, wow, everybody else has worked it out but me. And that's just not true >> at all.
>> But you've got this.
>> You've got this, babes.
>> And also, you've got this. And you also have loads of time to flop this.
>> Oh my god.
>> And still be absolutely fine. [laughter] Absolutely.
>> You can decide now actually I want to retrain in something else and you'll be fine.
>> Exactly. Um, next dilemma. Okay. It says, >> "My best friend of over 10 years ghosted me."
>> No.
Hi ladies. I hope you're doing amazing.
Obviously, I have to give you your flowers and congratulate you on a phenomenal 10 years. That's a whole grown ass child you can send to the shop alone. You know, >> I wish you success and happiness in the next chapter of your lives.
>> Thank you.
>> I will make mine short and quick. My birthday was a few weeks ago and I and my best friend, who I've known since primary school, we are in our mid20ies now, took a little trip. It was so much fun and we genuinely had a great time. Eventually, we both went back home. We live in the same country but different cities. And after that, she just ghosted me. Literally stopped answering my calls and texts. I called her one last time, to which she said she'll call me back. And I was relieved cuz I finally got a reply, but the call never came. At first, I thought, you know what? We spent 5 days together.
What more do we have to say to each other? Maybe she just wants a break. But it's now been almost a month. And then I thought maybe she's going through something and just wants space from people in general, but she's been posting with her other friends, so I suspect it's personal. Then finally, I thought maybe I said or I did something during the trip, but I promise you, I have replayed every single day of that trip and I can't think of anything. And that aside, we have the type of relationship where we can address things and keep it pushing. We even have a safe word for when we're uncomfortable or shy to bring something up because confrontation still makes us a bit uncomfortable. Bless you.
>> I've started the acceptance and healing journey, but boy does this hurt. This isn't anything I would have imagined from someone I consider a sister. I understand people move on and grow apart, but to just be ghosted with no explanation. On top of that, I have been struggling mentally and she is well aware. Trigger warning. I have been battling suicidal thoughts since early this year, and I am in a much better place now, but still a work in progress.
So, for her to know all of this and still decide to ghost me is especially painful. Please help me. How do you deal with something like this? I'm hurting so badly. Should I reach out one last time?
I already feel like a beg as it is or just move on. And [snorts] how do I even move on? Thank you so much for your help. And other listeners, please feel free to share how you have dealt with something similar. I need all hands on deck. Laugh out loud. Lots of love, a loyal listener and regular Patreon.
Also, big congratulations on the tour.
It looked like so much fun.
This would rock me.
>> Oh my god.
>> Because honestly, I just keep thinking, "No, I did something like as in like I did something." Because that's the thing. I look, there's a time when someone's like, "I don't want to be your offender and tell me."
>> Just let me know. Do you know what I mean?
>> Hey babe, do you know what? Even if you said, "I don't want to talk about it, but you did something that really upset me in this thing and I don't want to like just I I think leaving someone like that is so coldird." And I and it's such a purposeful thing to be like I'm and especially as someone who for me punishes people with my silence. Like I said that when someone's hurt me I like I so when people do it I know this is a punishment.
>> Mhm. Yeah. It's absolutely intentional.
>> So why have you I've reached out to you I tried to call but you're out with other people. So it's not just a me thing. you you are doing this as like so it is just a me thing like you're doing this because I've done something to you or you feel away about something or you don't want to be >> cuz especially if when it was after a trip >> and also like I thought we had a great time so what the hell did I like when you like are in a situation and then suddenly the guy wants to end you just introduced me to your mom >> like I said I don't understand what just happened you were just in such a great place then what the [ __ ] is happening so I completely understand why you are hurt I'll be very honest I'm reaching out again >> same Because I un until she tells me, "But [ __ ] off, leave me alone." I feel like I be even if I leave it a couple of months, my mind will keep coming back to it.
>> There's a friend now that when every so often I'm like, "No, what happened?"
>> Like it just it just clicks to me and like I'm you move on cuz you have to.
And in terms of what advice do you get to have to move on, honestly, you just have to like you, okay, I love this person, but I have to love myself more.
>> That's the thing.
>> And I have to put myself and my feelings up more as well. And I can't keep letting this take up brain space. like nurture your other relationship with your other friends and just try to put like when you reach out one more time if she doesn't answer put a pin in it to be like okay it's done now full stop >> and I'm not saying that's not going to make it stop hurting it will >> yeah definitely like you know how they say like friendship breakups are so much worse THAN ROMANTIC BREAKUPS THEY ARE hard and I just feel like it's so wicked I feel like your friend is nasty for what she's doing it's 100% intentional for you to feel like you have absolutely no idea and It's not like cuz some friendships like they kind of fall by the wayside and you know it's because you're just on different like waves or whatever like you've kind of grown apart like you can sense that you guys have that is not the situation >> you feel like you left that trip thing like oh you feel it person I'm not going on holiday with this person maybe but like >> the other side when you think about someone that you have a you have a holiday with and after you're like >> but for them to be on completely different pages I feel like even with that you both feel it you know what I mean and it sounds like she's got absolutely she hasn't got the foggiest.
And the fact that you just came back from a trip just you two shows where you were at in your friendship. So it wasn't like there was anything brewing or anything on the surface. So this is very much giving like the true definition of ghosted. And I just think it's so unfair. Like it's one thing if a random [ __ ] guy that you met on Hinge does it, but your best friend since primary school to just leave you in the lurch with no explanation is very cruel. So I will definitely like give you all of that. Like that is nasty. I would do the exact same thing. I'm I'm reaching out, but this time I'm not just reaching out on a hey babe. Okay. I'm going exactly.
I'm going to ask. I'm going to I'm going to ask. At the end of the day, she also has the right the agency decides she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore. Like this is not a dictatorship. But you absolutely deserve to know that she either isn't talking to you or the reason why. Like you deserve that closure. Like I can't imagine the fact that you've racked your brains about this and you can't for the life of you put your finger on what it is means that like you truly are none the wiser.
Like she owes you an explanation. Like if you don't want to be friends with someone anymore, [ __ ] let them know.
Like no one's saying you can't cut people off and drop people out. But let that person know so that they're not >> But also I wouldn't want someone chasing me all the time anyway. Like it's a move on with their lives.
>> So that's what I would do. I would just message straight up just be like, "Hey babe, what is going on? like clearly there's an issue. Can we talk about it?
Depending on her response, that will at least give you a little bit of closure.
You may never know why, but at least you know where you stand with her.
>> Yeah. I'm not doing a hair. You're just checking and hoping you're good. No, no, no. Babe, we have not spoken since we came back from this trip. I thought about it and I can't figure out what it is that I could have done to you. Have I done something? Is there a reason why this friendship has gone to [ __ ] post this trip? Let me know. If you're happy to meet, let's meet.
>> Yeah, that's all.
>> Have you ever had a Obviously, we've both had friendship breakups. Have you ever had a thing where you had to sit down and tell them I don't want to be your friend anymore?
>> No. I have actually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
But it wasn't like >> Yeah. No, I had to. But the way I did it, I did it more like I need to go on a break. I need space. And then the space the the space snowalled into like just being like dropped out completely. But I had to because they weren't getting the hint. But they that person knew what they did to me. I would never ever just drop someone out just like that. But sometimes you >> But the thing is the only way I would do that is if something massive happened and they know what the [ __ ] they did.
>> Do you know what I mean? So if someone does something mad, that means you know you've done something mad. The only way that I would be like, "No, what have I done?" Is if I know I truly haven't done anything. So if I'm dropping you out, if I'm ghosting you, >> just really rack your brains and think about what you've done cuz you've done some [ __ ] You've done some [ __ ] Do you know what I mean? But I'm going to take this at face value and assume that she hasn't done anything cuz she genuinely can't can't think of anything. Um, but yeah, other than that, like, no, I was just like, I can't do this with you.
>> And you both seem to have a special relationship, right? So, is it dropping the word to be like, >> if you egg for weird situation, egg, but here's a download of all the things that I'm feeling. And be very honest with it as well. Don't try to be like, I don't want to be a beg. And like I I think there are certain relationships that are passing a beg if I'm being a beg. Yes, I'm being a beg. I'M BEGGING YOU. COME BACK. I love you.
>> Because you value the relationship.
>> I don't understand that with my friendship. Why would I be a beg?
because I value this and I want you in my life. So, I'm going to be a beggar.
This means something to me. And I think it's very important to let your friends know that I'm not I'm not doing guy for my friend. I'm not doing like you're my friend. Please forgive me. What did I do?
>> Exactly.
>> So, yeah, that would be my next approach.
>> Yeah, that would be I'm asking straight and I'm Yeah, she needs you need to know directly.
>> Yeah.
>> Okay. Next dilemma.
>> Next dilemma.
>> Hey girlies, first of all, I love you both so much. Honestly, your podcast has kept me going for years now and I genuinely appreciate everything you do for us fans. My dilemma, apologies if it's a bit long.
>> I'm 35 years old and I feel stuck in almost every area of my life. A few years ago, I used to be very social, always out, drinking a lot, and even experimented with drugs, drugs, >> drugs.
>> But in 2020, something changed in me. I completely withdrew from that lifestyle and from socializing in general. What hurt the most was realizing that a lot of people around me were only there for the partying. Once I change, they disappear, too. Now I'm 35 and honestly feel like I have no real friends at all.
I do love my job because I prayed for it and worked for it. But now I feel like I've outgrown it. I've been applying for other opportunities since getting nowhere, which has really affected my confidence. My finances also aren't great right now, and that adds even more pressure. I'm in a relationship, but things have been difficult. After my partner's hair transplant and everything surrounding that, we hadn't had sex in 6 months. I feel lonely even though I'm technically not alone. Lately, I've been feeling scared that life is passing me by. I started going back to therapy because I know I need support and I pray a lot because it gives me comfort and peace. But some days I still feel deeply lost and emotionally tired. I pray constantly and ask God to heal me and guide me. But lately, I've been scared that maybe he isn't hearing me. I cry when I'm alone and honestly just feel disconnected from myself and the future I imagined for my life. I guess my question is how do you rebuild your life when you feel emotionally disconnected from everything and everyone around you?
Thank you for reading this. Love you girls so much. A >> so the question I repeat is how do you rebuild your life when you feel emotionally disconnected from everything and everyone around you?
>> That is a good question.
>> That is a good question.
>> That is a good question. Um and she was saying she's she's in a relationship and that's kind of got going to [ __ ] as well. Did I make that up?
>> Yeah. like they're not I think the partner had a hair transplant.
>> Oh, >> don't look at me. Um the partner had a hair transplant and they haven't had sex since.
>> Yeah. No, do you know what the reason why I asked about the relationship because I feel like sometimes and I'm not blaming that at all, but just because she mentioned that, you know, it's not in a great space, but I was trying to figure out whether it's purely they're just having a rough patch or whether there's something deeper going on that might be play cuz sometimes there can be one element of your life that like if you eradicate it then suddenly things kind of start to fall into place. Do you know what I mean? I'm not saying that, but I was just trying to just really get to grips with the dilemma so that I can answer it correctly. Um, do you know what it is? I just think that it sounds like you're just going through a particular phase in your life. And I feel like for different people, it comes at it comes at different times, but 35, yeah, it feels about it feels about right. And it feels about that time where you really you need to start thinking about the next 30 years of your life and get so mad because that that first 30 years has gone by. so quick and now you're here and like you're approaching middle age and then suddenly Yeah. And then suddenly things get serious and all the rest of it and I just think it's one of those numbers that's been put on us that automatically as we start to approach it you start to just worry and you just and I think and I honestly think it's like you know like when they say the quarter life crisis at 25 and then it kind of hits you again at 35 and I'm sure there's another one later on down the line and all all the rest of it. So I I do think that there's an element of that being somewhat normal. I do think it's like you start to evaluate your life and everything going on around you. And it's mad cuz I saw a maybe it was a meme or something and it was like at I think this was pertaining to 40, but I think it can be applied to 35 as well. And it was just like at 40 there are some people that have got they they've got newborns. At 40 some people have got 20 year olds and some people are grandparents. At 40 some people are getting divorced and starting again like 25y old. Yeah. Exactly. Even someone that's dating a 25-year-old.
There's so many different like stages or like places that you can you can be at this age and I think it's just an age of self-reflection and re-evaluation. So I definitely think like what you're going through is is normal. Um I don't think that you're alone in but I think that what I would do is just look around and look at the things that bring you joy and really just lean into those things like whether it's friendships, whether it's your She said she doesn't have many friends.
>> She said that she did. She's very social. I I think there is something in accepting that >> and look these are things that older people taught you when you were younger, but you're like, "Yeah, sure. What? Not me, boy."
>> Like, do you like I like as the older I get, so many things that my mom, my aunt used to say, and I'll be like, "Yeah, no.
>> Yeah, that's not going to happen to me.
Maybe that was you. Maybe that was friends. Maybe that was that." But like there are going to be times when you decide like you want to change how you look, there are certain people that are used to you in a very certain way.
They're used to all you always being like the life of the party, the one that's fun, the whatever, whatever, one that's loud, the one that's this and whatever. And when life happens to you and that part of you has died, >> some people don't know what to do with you anymore and you just need to find new people or or or rebuild who stayed around. There is something about losing, and I'm not saying partying and drugs is a spark, but there is something about an old aversion of you dying and a spark of you going, and you're even trying to figure out how to get that spark back.
And people just don't have the patience to wait around for you to do that.
Because for them, what you did for them was be a good time. What you did for them was be the party. What you did for them was like be the girl they can [ __ ] they can have fun with, they go party, they can go shopping with, when you're not that for them anymore, they actually have no idea what to do with you anymore. And they can't actually be good friends anymore because they're like, "But wait, we're used to >> Yeah.
>> And as someone who life happened to consistently and maybe I didn't I didn't I didn't react well enough to life punching me up. I didn't fight back quick enough." Like I kind of let it bang me in my face several times and feels like I lost that spark. You will lose a lot of people alongside of it.
Like it just is because you are just not that person for them anymore. And here you are fighting for your life to regain that spark back and they just do not have the patience because you don't feel them how you used to feel them.
>> Like you're just not the fun person for them anymore. And some people can't be around that. So I think what you need to decide for now is rebuild you. And I promise you life will go accordingly. M look the best bit about a breakdown is the best bit about reaching rock bottom is that like well the only way is up.
>> Yeah. There's no way you can't go down any further.
>> Like it can't get worse than this. I mean it always can but like I mean like well all I can do is get out from this now. And there was something really like life like there was something really life-changing about really being like whoa what how am I living? I don't like how I'm living. I don't like the job I'm doing. I don't like what it is that I was doing but and I need to change it.
And truly, you come out the other side better. You come out with less friends.
>> You come out with more like, "Wow, I didn't think that was possible, but I guess >> but you come out of it better for yourself."
>> And I think that's just what you need. I think the first step in rebuilding your life is figuring that to who you are to you >> once you figured that bit out. And again, 35 is about and it feels annoying that it's that because it's like I'm too busy to be breaking down. But sometimes when you don't listen, your body will just be like, "Okay, cool. I'm just going to when we shut down, what will you do then?
>> Yeah, exactly.
>> Yeah. When we physically can't leave the house, how will you nman saying no?
>> Deal with it sort of thing. So, I just think you need to work that out. Sit with your partner and be like, "Hey, I know you I don't know how the head transplant is affecting us having sex, >> but buddy, what's going on?"
>> Yeah. What's going on, sir? Yeah. And I also think you said that how >> you kind of made the change kind of went from zero to 100.
>> It feels like maybe you're having the re the response now. Yes.
>> Do you know what I mean?
>> Because when you're making massive huge life changes, there is there is a fallout period. Do you know what I mean?
There is like, you know, there is things that will happen in that transitional phase that will, you know, it will either be painful, be quite difficult, whatever. And the fact that you said that it was quite smooth feels like it's a delayed a delayed thing. So, I feel like that transition that you made is kind of hitting you now and because you were so comfortable in who you were back then and now, you know, you've been living in this new life now for a while and it's and it's just hit you now. So, I feel like yeah, I think >> I think that's what's happening is that you're grieving it now. It's just hitting you now. And so I think like that might be the cause and I think that you know the outcome is what Tolly said like rebuilding from now accepting you and your new >> the new version of yourself and just rebuilding the things that you have that are good around you and like leaning into them and just like >> fueling them. Yeah.
>> So that they become bigger.
>> Well yeah have that chat with your partner that buddy [snorts] what's going on here?
>> Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Definitely chat to him. Yeah. And also that's like the closest person to you. So there's that.
Okay. Next dilemma. Hi girls. Hope you're also guys. What's going on? Why are we all so sad?
Okay. Firstly, thank you for everything you are to me. A friend introduced me to this podcast in 2023 and I genuinely have not missed an episode since. You guys have been such a comfort to me. Now on to my dilemma. It's a long one. I'm a 28-year-old black South African woman who recently started my first proper corporate big girl job. I'm also in a healthy three-year relationship with my boyfriend is currently preparing to pay leola dowi for the non labola I've hope I said that right diary for the non South Africans overall life is actually going quite well however I am struggling deeply with my relationship with my mother I have never really been close to my mom I've always been more of a daddy's girl I also have an older brother who in my opinion she clearly adors more than me even though she acts like she doesn't with me she has this very traditional African mother expectation of perfection that makes it difficult for me to relate to her normally. I've tried over the years to build a closer relationship with her, but after a while she becomes emotionally overwhelming. The issue is that every mistake or problem I experience gets blown completely out of proportion. Even when those issues only affect me, somehow she centers herself in them and makes them about her.
Meanwhile, my brother has some things far worse than I ever have, but she handles him with so much more grace and understanding. Because of this, I struggle to open up to her. She even complains that I speak to my aunts and uncles about my life instead of her. But the truth is that I don't feel emotionally safe enough to speak to her.
Everything concerning me becomes dramatic, judgmental, or emotionally exhausting. Now, this issue is directly affecting me because my boyfriend's family is preparing to come negotiate Loa. The date has changed a few times over the past 6 months because of logistics, finances, and life in general, but things are still moving forward. Over the weekend, she asked me about the date and suddenly burst out saying, "My boyfriend isn't man enough to marry me and that it's he's taking this long and he should just stop because he's going to stop me in life."
This completely came out of nowhere. She then started insulting him further, calling him good for nothing >> despite barely knowing him and never taking the time to ask him basic things like whether I'm happy or whether I love him. What hurt me the most was when she said that maybe he is reconsidering marrying me because of my appearance and personality. Uh-uh.
>> I am a bigger girl and I've gained some weight in starting my new corporate jobs and she has commented on my weight my entire life, but my partner has never once made me feel undesirable, unloved because of my body. I just don't understand how your own mother says things like this without even checking your emotional well-being first. At this stage of my life, I feel like I need a mother more than ever, but I don't know how to have one. My aunts have stepped into the world emotionally, but I'm now scared that they'll get caught in the middle if I continue leaning on them for support. I also have a really good relationship with my future mother-in-law and I already fear that one day my mom will accuse me of loving my mother-in-law more than I love her >> and >> but at this point >> I'm not the mother I'm the mother that step >> when the stepdads for themselves again I'm not the father I'm the father that father would say [laughter] >> so girls my question is how do you maintain a relationship with a mother who constantly criticizes you projects onto you and makes you feel emotionally unsafe especially during such an important season of my life. How do I protect my peace without completely destroying our relationship?
>> Do you know you took the words I was like you said it at the end when you said projecting. You know I feel like your mom is parenting how she was probably parented and so this is just how you know she knows how to have a mother daughter relationship cuz it's probably what she receives. I don't know. I'm assuming. And I feel like a lot of moms, they hold their daughters to such high standards. And this is like >> pre like prime example because you said that the way she loves on your brother.
That's why we have that that phrase, isn't it? We raise our daughters and we love our sons kind of thing. And it sounds like that's exactly what she's doing. And that is a very African way of doing things. And I think that sometimes they mis mistake the overcorrection and the over policing and the the critique.
They see that as a form of love because in their minds they want you to be the best. They want you to be the best version of yourself. But in but they never they don't seem to be able to do it with love when it comes to their daughters. They're able to and it's mad cuz the wayward son can [ __ ] end up in jail, kill someone, do scam, blah blah, but they'll still find a way to love that son, but then god forbid you come back home late. It's just a whole different thing. And I think that that's very much like a cultural thing. And I really hope that we're changing that like moving forward so that daughters can experience the love of their mother in a way that's like not judgmental and just not all of these weird things that they put on us because we're girl children or whatever. So it sounds like that's what your mom's doing. I think she's mistaking love for all of the things that she's doing because in her eyes, she wants you to be the premium the premium daughter. And it's mad because you said that like she will feel away. Like I feel like you're really lucky that you have other older >> female role models in your life that you can get that love and that nurturing and that relationship that you yearn for from because some people don't even have that. And the fact that you've also got it in your future mother-in-law is amazing, you know. So you're getting that. So I feel like you're fulfilled in that way. I think there's two things you can do. you can I don't know how receptive your mom would be to sitting down and having the conversation and just telling her like listen I want us to have a better relationship like I want you and I to be close like the way I am with auntie and you know so and so I want us to be that way but it hurts my feelings when you talk to me like this it hurts my feel I don't I don't know because some moms are not open to that you can tell them a million times they'll do it for a week and then they'll go back to their old ways or what have you so I don't know if there's that so there's that option if you really really do feel dissatisfied with getting it from everybody else and you crave it and you earn it from from your mom, having the conversation, being really honest with her or just accepting her for how she is and the fact that you're you may not you may not get that from her. Um, but I would definitely try and have the conversation, especially if she's going to turn around and get jealous later. It's like that means that she wants it, right? It feels like there's something there. Why are you not like doing better by trying to maintain it? I you guys know this if you listen to this. I'm a I believe in whing out on your parent at least one time.
>> Just like >> next time she says that like I feel like you don't how can I cuz when I try to you do this this this like as even if it's like you're bringing up things from 5 years ago when I tried to do this you brought up this like I want to have this relationship with you but I can't do it because you keep making me feel like this like this makes me feel like [ __ ] I don't like it. Act accordingly if you want this relationship with me. I think sometimes mothers like can treat you anyhow but they expect a closeness.
>> Sorry. You know the closest actually comes if you deserve it. Yeah. Yeah.
It's not just because you're my by title that you get a closeness. It's not because by title that we have an emotional connection. You have to make me feel safe enough to have that emotional connection with you. And again if you can't find something somewhere find it somewhere else. I think once we also it's not fair that you have to do this but what sometimes you have to realize that your mother is not going to be the mother.
>> They will like virt you. Some women don't have it in them. Some women actually raise their children like they are a [ __ ] rival in school. that you know we are not in competition buddy you know that me and you are not in beef you're my mom like as in like you don't have to treat me like I'm your arrival like we're we should be cool and if you don't have it in her I think it's okay to find it in other places and I think once you dropped the expectation that your mother has to be the oh but I need mother and this I I understand the want for that but once you realize that like she's just a woman >> she's a woman that raised you and put clothes in your back and food in your mouth >> and she's done her part and she doesn't have to do anything else so then you find the other things that you need elsewhere and again have that big conversation with her. Things don't change, don't change. And also correct her. You my mom can't sit in my face and tell my my man is no good. I be like, no, but here is why he is.
>> Exactly.
>> Especially when you believe it. And when that body weight issue come, you know, you get to a certain degree again.
>> Yeah.
>> Especially if you've been happening your whole life. You don't get to talk to me about my weight, mom.
>> Mhm.
>> I didn't tell you that I was sad about it. I didn't tell you there's anything wrong with me.
>> Exactly. And if that's the case and you have to take a step back, it will be felt with it will be felt by your lack of presence.
>> Exactly. Like I'm stepping back. Step back.
>> Mhm.
>> And truly she wants it enough. When you step back, she'll be like, "Oh [ __ ] I've gone too far."
>> Exactly.
>> But when they never feel punished for how they move for ages. Yeah.
>> Exactly. Um I totally agree. Next and last.
>> Next and last.
>> Okay, cool.
>> It says, "I'm one of your male listeners and just wanted to first say may God bless you both as you're truly amazing."
Thank you. I have a situation that I wanted to get your input on.
>> Let's hear it. There's a female colleague that I work with whereby we've been on a few walks together a few times during work hours, just the two of us, which is allowed at my workplace and have taken lunch at the same time a few times together as well.
>> On one of our walks, she asked for my Snapchat, which I don't have, and proceeded to ask for my number, which I gave to her. Okay.
>> We both arranged to go go-karting together, just the two of us.
>> Okay.
>> And we both didn't ask if we should invite others or if anyone else is coming. At go-karting, we were thinking of bets in terms of if she wins, we'll do X. If I win, we'll do Y. Yeah.
>> One of the bets that came to her mind was if she wins, we should go Paris together.
>> Oh, she's laying it on.
>> Exactly. Just the two of us to do sightseeing for one day. Brussels is a second option. And she's open to going to other places in the near future, such as the zoo, the beach, and the cinema.
>> She's securing her next date, >> and he keeps making a point just the two of us.
>> Okay. at go-karting. She told me she's leaving to start a new job at a different company. Great.
>> Recently, via text, I said these exact words to her to imply a date on my side.
I want to take you out to dinner next week. And she said yes.
>> Perfect.
>> I like her as she ticks a lot of boxes that I look for, and I intend to let her know this when I take her out to dinner.
>> Amazing.
>> As she now works elsewhere, it eliminates any barriers in terms of pursuing her. And it's my first time pursuing someone I really like, so there are natural nerves. I just wanted an outside opinion on whether you see this as potential interest from the girl based on the events mentioned, i.e. a green light. Blessings to you both.
>> Yes, >> that green light is flashing in neon.
>> I don't think you understand that whole like let's make a bet. If the bet benefits me and both if I win, I you get sent me at the next state. If you win, I get you at the next state. Yes. Like this is green light. Go go go.
>> Yeah. Absolutely.
>> Up is where we go from here. It is flashing. It is green. The amber is not even flickering. This is a green light.
>> Straight go. And also, so he asked her out and she said yes. Right.
>> Yes.
>> There you go. I wouldn't even be surprised if she moved jobs.
>> I think he wants and I think she even timed it perfectly to be like, I know I'm leaving. Let me start this interest now because now I know that I finally can. Maybe before she knew she was leaving. I said, "We'll just do the walks here all day." But she's like, "Actually, I'm leaving this job. I like this guy. I want to stay in contact."
She said, "Let's go to Paris or Brussels."
Please don't be slow. But it's very sweet that you're asking and because you want to read the room, isn't it?
>> Pick up to what she's dropping. Yes.
Yes.
>> So, I like I like that you asked. But this is this is a go.
>> I hope you guys have a great day and it all works out beautifully. But yeah, 1 million 100% ago.
>> 100% a like a I >> Gladiator. No, it's not Gladiators.
>> Never mind. Is it Gladiators Go?
>> Gladiators go. I think it is Gladiators Go.
>> Is it Gladiators Go? Oh, yeah, it is.
cuz it was the referee with the white hair that used TO SAY, "GLADIATORS CONTESTANTS READY. [screaming] Gladiators ready."
>> You get a thumbs up from us. Go, go, go.
Let us know how the date in Paris went.
Date in Brussels and how the dinner went up date.
>> And even the fact I want to take you on a dinner date. Yeah. Right. Heavy on the date.
>> You're fine. Have a good time. Look nice, smell good, >> and take her somewhere cute.
>> Yeah. Oh, I love it. What a lovely positive dilemma to end on. That was beautiful. And I know and like I know people go and you forget sometimes cuz summer makes it feel like everyone's fine. Everyone's having a great time at summer. But like >> we're in this together. We're holding your hand through this all. In the words of Kendrick Lamma, we going to be all right.
>> We sure is.
>> I've been your girl Ty >> and just call me Audrey. Goodbye.
>> Bye. [music] [music] >> [music]
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