My Fans Are Smarter Than Me | Don McMillan Comedy

Added: 2026-05-19

[00:00:00]The first one, uh, was this a comedy show or a TED talk?

[00:00:06]>> I think it's a little bit of both, frankly.

[00:00:10]>> Uh, I didn't laugh, but the engineer next to me took six pages of notes.

[00:00:20]My damn engineer stealing my material.

[00:00:23]Uh, I was disappointed he only knew pi to five decimal places.

[00:00:28]That that was during a show. Some guy called me out. He goes 3.14159. And he starts going on. I go, I only know five.

[00:00:34]He goes, "Oh, I I respected you until now. What happened live? I was embarrassed. Uh, I didn't find the content of his talk applicable to my current project."

[00:00:49]No idea what that person was expecting.

[00:00:52]Uh, his Stroger joke was both funny and not funny at the same time.

[00:00:58]That's a great comment.

[00:01:00]>> Isn't that a good joke?

[00:01:03]>> I tell you, my my fans are funnier than me. That's what I found out. Here, here's my Schroinger joke, by the way.

[00:01:08]This was the joke that he commented on.

[00:01:09]I had I said, "If we're Schroinger owned a cat, would it be an indoor and outdoor cat at the same time?"

[00:01:15]I love that. The best Schroinger cat joke ever.

[00:01:19]Uh, oh, by the way, for that, this is how hard this for that joke to work, you have to have a cat, understand the paradox of quantum superp position, and have a sense of humor, and that is 1% tops.

[00:01:31]So, that comment was like 5%.

[00:01:35]Uh, oh, on slide 34, I I knew right there I was in a lot of trouble.

[00:01:43]He wrote HE STARTED THIS. I He emailed me this on slide 30. I don't number my slides. You see any numbers? No. This guy was counting my slides.

[00:01:54]I did not stand a chance. I knew he was going to be I was being heckled by Rainman at this point.

[00:02:02]This came This is real. On slide 34, you assert that one out of six babies born on Earth are Chinese. Although this assumes a constant birth rate over all time, this is obviously false. Please correct your analysis.

[00:02:15]>> It's a joke.

[00:02:18]What pissed me off is that he was right and that's what made me mad.

[00:02:23]And here's the joke. I'm not doing the bit tonight. It was all about statistics and now you can manipulate statistics to say whatever you want. Perfect example, by the way. You know this whole thing Tylenol thing. I have this amazing stat 97% of people who take Tylenol have a high fever. I think Tylenol creates fevers.

[00:02:44]That's how manipulation say. Okay, that's all I'm saying. And this is an example, another example of how you can do that. These are all true facts.

[00:02:52]Watch. There are 1.4 billion people in China. That is true. Absolutely true.

[00:02:55]You can't argue it. There are 8 billion people on Earth. Therefore, I said at the time, one out of every six babies born on Earth are Chinese. One out of six. Therefore, you can conclude if you've got five kids, you're expecting a six. It will be Chinese.

[00:03:13]I used to love this joke.

[00:03:16]I used to think it was really clever till I got that goddamn email and he ruined the joke for me forever cuz he's right. One out of six babies born. They're not Chinese today. It's been the case over the last hundred years, but their birth rate's much lower. So that's wrong. Which makes that wrong, which means I can't tell that joke unless I tell this entire story beforehand.

[00:03:35]So I tried to fix it cuz I'm a ner.

[00:03:39]So let's start with the same facts. 1.4 billion people, 8 BILLION PEOPLE.

[00:03:43]THEREFORE, if you randomly adopt six people from any age, from anywhere in the world, one of them may be Chinese, maybe.

[00:03:51]Are you happy now? Whoever you are, are you happy?

[00:03:56]>> My fans are very tough.