Do Borderlines Really Sabotage Relationships?

Added: 2026-05-30

[00:00:02]Do borderlines really sabotage relationships?

[00:00:07]Yeah.

[00:00:08]I think you know that.

[00:00:10]It happened to you at least, huh?

[00:00:13]And it's pretty common. I think all. I think this is one of those cases where all.

[00:00:20]I start many videos about borderline. I have to with borderline only. I have to say not all.

[00:00:27]This one, I think all.

[00:00:29]It's safe to say.

[00:00:31]But before you disagree, be aware of all the different forms of sabotage.

[00:00:36]Some are more subtle than others. It's not all cheating, lying, ending it, running away, ghosting.

[00:00:45]That's It's not just that.

[00:00:47]There's much, much more things they're doing that you may not be very aware of.

[00:00:52]Things that happen maybe all the time.

[00:00:54]Maybe things right from the beginning that you didn't know.

[00:01:00]That you didn't know that they sabotage until the end. So you might agree with me, but you may not totally be aware at all of how much they were sabotaging your relationship.

[00:01:14]Right from the beginning.

[00:01:16]They don't select partners.

[00:01:19]They don't look for people that are in their life that align with their values.

[00:01:27]There's a method to their selection. The reason they chose you.

[00:01:35]And you know, that person that they dated right after you or left you for and you're looking at them going, "What the hell?

[00:01:41]How are they with them?"

[00:01:44]It may not just because they're really attracted to them.

[00:01:47]No.

[00:01:52]They make choices, decisions, and commitments out of and shame.

[00:02:01]They don't just betray only by cheating.

[00:02:05]They may share your personal stuff you shared with them with other people.

[00:02:09]Blurt out their your relationship with everybody.

[00:02:13]Maybe some of the most personal things about you.

[00:02:20]Maybe it's telling people they're single.

[00:02:25]Not much commitment there.

[00:02:28]Maybe on their social media, their status is "It's complicated."

[00:02:35]That's sabotage. That's not commitment.

[00:02:38]Total lack of commitment. So is avoidancy.

[00:02:42]So is not connecting with you, avoiding intimacy, not taking accountability.

[00:02:51]Being passive-aggressive.

[00:02:55]Not being vulnerable or honest, withholding information and reaction, how they really truly think and feel out of fear of what you might think. Or just cannot take a chance for rejection.

[00:03:09]Got to manipulate. Can't just ask and you might say no. I can't risk that.

[00:03:23]They're so emotionally fragile, scared, and unstable.

[00:03:27]Their impulsivity might just be trying to protect themselves.

[00:03:35]That will ruin a relationship.

[00:03:39]Hubris is the number one cause, maybe. Pride.

[00:03:44]So prideful.

[00:03:46]Cares about your partner.

[00:03:50]Cocky, you know.

[00:03:52]Oh, I don't need to do They won't leave me do it if I don't want to.

[00:03:58]Criticism.

[00:04:01]Criticizing you, complaining.

[00:04:03]Holding grudges.

[00:04:06]Being resentful because they didn't tell you things earlier or they never resolved it. Distorting the past.

[00:04:15]Bringing up the past just to control you.

[00:04:19]Threats.

[00:04:20]Threats to leave, threats to hurt themselves, threats to go with somebody else. You won't marry me, I'll marry Mark.

[00:04:27]He said.

[00:04:30]Keeping the score, competing with other people, competing with you.

[00:04:35]Oh, you're not any good. I'm better at this than you. You're the one that never talks. You're the one I'm the one that knows how to fix relationships. I know more about psychology. I know more about dating and people.

[00:04:45]Expecting you to read their minds.

[00:04:50]Huh?

[00:04:51]Not telling you, not communicating, not being vulnerable. No, no, no. You can't because these are unspoken rules and laws.

[00:05:00]Unspoken terms, silent terms. You have these terms in your relationship, but nobody ever talked about it. You just know it somehow. Hmm?

[00:05:11]Silent rules.

[00:05:13]Demand for your undivided attention.

[00:05:18]This will make the relationship not work. I can't make you forget about your life, be all about me and this relationship work. It's done. There has to be autonomy.

[00:05:28]Perfectionism, unrealistic expectations.

[00:05:34]Comparing your relationship to other relationships. Oh.

[00:05:40]Or even better, huh? Comparing your relationship to idealized relationship, the perfect relationship.

[00:05:53]Picking fights.

[00:05:55]Picking fights over small things or even made up.

[00:06:01]Not good for the relationship.

[00:06:04]Belittling, undermining, dehumanizing a partner, objectification.

[00:06:12]I don't need you. I have my sex toys.

[00:06:17]So, I'm just a sex toy.

[00:06:20]Okay?

[00:06:22]And then we go from one extreme to the other. I got to have a perfect relationship to never resolving conflict.

[00:06:30]Never.

[00:06:32]The best way to lower your self-respect, self-worth. We have problems, but we don't fix them, do we?

[00:06:39]No.

[00:06:42]And again, impulsivity is huge.

[00:06:46]Impulsivity.

[00:06:49]Making a mistake in 5 minutes that costs 5 years in a relationship.

[00:07:01]It's a lot easier to see what you've been through when you get out, right?

[00:07:06]Hindsight's 20/20.

[00:07:08]So, I hope you're starting to see what the relationship really was because if you're traumatized and you don't understand it, that creates shame.

[00:07:21]Unnecessary, misplaced guilt, confusion, self-doubt.

[00:07:29]So, understand this experience you had was traumatic or just abusive, neglectful.

[00:07:36]Know what happened in it.

[00:07:39]Know what was going on so that you don't internalize it and blame yourself.

[00:07:44]And so you don't think this stuff is normal in any way, yeah?

[00:07:52]Cuz that can easily happen. Doesn't have to This stuff doesn't have to start with childhood.

[00:07:59]It could be two, three relationships in a row people are like this and you think this is normal.

[00:08:04]You're the one You're the problem.

[00:08:05]You're the one that's wrong, huh?

[00:08:09]Please share your experiences down below. I'd really appreciate it so other people that are watching this video. It super, super validates them. Thank you.

[00:08:16]Ask me any questions, please. I'll answer them. Most of all, love yourself first. Thanks for the thumbs up.

[00:08:22]Subscribe me to the channel. You can find me at [email protected].

[00:08:26]Thanks, guys. Love yourself first.

[00:08:27]Bye-bye.