The Older I Get... The Harder It Is to Make Friends

[00:00:00]So, I have a question for everyone. Um, especially if you're older, like 30, 40 years old. Who was the last person that you befriended? Like, when was the last time you actually made a new friend? And and what were you doing? Let me know in the comments. I would love to hear that.

[00:00:18]I feel like the older we get, the older the more time goes by, the harder it is to go out and make a friend. Um, and if I'm being honest, I feel like it's damn near impossible. Um, I got to the point to where I just stopped trying and I realized that, hey, if it's meant to happen, then it'll happen. But to go out of my way, um, if I'm not like networking, if I'm not, you know, I just feel like to go somewhere because someone's going to be there and maybe I could befriend them.

[00:00:50]I just I feel like you're taking a chance and you're you're pretty much rolling the dice. Um, you know, we're adults now and I feel like most adult friendships happen by accident anyways.

[00:01:04]Like if you're an adult and you actually have a friend within the last five years, it probably happened by accident. Um, not intention. Um, you know, when we were kids, you had things like school, you had things like sports, um, neighborhoods, um, those things, they constantly put us around new people, and so it was easy to go out and make new friends. We had a lot of things to attend, a lot of places to be. Um, and as we as we get older, we often stick to things that we know, work, family, and and whatever existing circle we do have, we just stick to that. A lot of people are not going out of their way to go and meet new people.

[00:01:53]I do believe in going to certain places and and and social uh gatherings where you may have a certain interest that's mutual and maybe you might meet someone but going out of your way to go and meet people I think it's harder even like the whole speed dating the whole all this [ __ ] is like that's played out. Um there was a time for that but I just feel like as time go on um us humans we we we become we put our guard up even more. We become more untrustworthy. People become more untrustworthy. Uh we become more protective of our energy. Um and this all plays a part in just how people are the world, the way the world is going. A lot of people are just evil. A lot of people are toxic. A lot of people are manipulative. A lot of people are just trying to gain power over certain people. And what's the point? Like what is the point? And if we being real, a lot of people are not even opposed to having new friends. A lot of people just they don't put themselves in environments where friendships naturally form. Um and and that all happened when we were a kid, you know. But the same thing could happen as adults, you know, as we go to maybe going to a museum to look at art, maybe going rock climbing, uh bike riding, you you going to meet your crowd. But the thing about that is even that a lot of people don't even want to do today. Uh, a lot of people find find it hard to to go enjoy their own hobbies because they have to run into people that they probably don't want to run into. Um, excuse [clears throat] me. It's just a just a time that we're in. Another issue is the trust issues that people have. Um, trust issues make a lot of people cautious than than the previous generations that we had. A lot of people were more open.

[00:03:47]they were more trustworthy. A lot of people were um honest. But a lot of people today, like I said, a lot of people have hidden agendas. And with the with the internet and and online, a lot of people are just not using the internet for good. They're using it for bad. They're trying to use the internet to figure out ways. How could I get over on people? How could I manipulate people? how could I position myself uh in this group or position myself of power over people? Um and and and that just makes it hard for people to to to even form some type of friendship. A lot of people have been burnt by friendships. I know I have. Uh if it wasn't a friendship, it was a relationship. Um maybe it was an online interaction. today especially, a lot of people getting flaked, a lot of people getting stood up, a lot of people getting lied to. Um, and as a result, a lot of people are just slower to open up. Why would I open up if I continue to get burnt? People show me who they are, and why would I continue to put myself out there just to get hurt again? Um, and it's not necessarily that people don't want friends.

[00:05:04]What we want is we want proof that someone is genuine before we you know invest our time emotionally with someone because that is especially for me that's one of the biggest things today is giving my time and energy to someone and if I know that they're genuine that would help a lot but you're taking a chance when you're going out and meeting new people because even in dating we put up our best representative who's not real. That person is going to be amazing for like two weeks and then after that the real person is going to come out.

[00:05:43]Um, another thing is social media.

[00:05:45]Social media went and created the illusion that everyone already has a friend group and that's not true. Social media is a lie. A lot of people position themselves in groups that they're not in. They try to seem cool. They want to seem popular. But when you're scrolling social media and you see this person know this person it's like well [ __ ] this person is cool and and the thing is they're not cool at all. They're faking it. They're pretending and they're trying to fit in. Um a lot of people be scrolling through photos and they see people hanging out. I know I did. I had this problem. I was seeing people hanging out with, you know, their childhood friends, college friends, or whatever large group. and it make it seem like everyone already have their people that they belong to, but a lot of times they don't belong to that group.

[00:06:36]They're just pretending. They just want to fit in. In reality, many adults quietly admit that they're lonely and would love to make new friends, but they just don't know how. A lot of people like, damn, I got to go out to the bar.

[00:06:50]I got to go out here. I got to go out there. A lot of people don't want to do that. I mean, it's like, yo, if if that's if I got to go do all that, what is the [ __ ] point? What is the point?

[00:07:00]You go out there, you go do all of that, and you might potentially get burnt. You they might not even be who they say they are. That's one of the worst things today, especially with the internet, because a lot of people, they make themselves seem so much, you know, [snorts] better on the internet. It's like the filters. They they make themselves appear bigger or more, you know, popular than they are. And then people fall for it and then they get around this person. They be like, "This person lame as shit." Well, that's the internet. Um, a lot of times you just got to put yourself out there. And I think a lot of people just don't want to do that because again, we get so tired of being burnt, getting let down, and just being proven wrong time after time.

[00:07:46]Again, I'm one of those person who is like, you know what, maybe I'm maybe I'm the problem. I'm the common denominator.

[00:07:54]I'm the one who keeps saying people are this and people are that. And then I finally put myself out there. I finally try to uh you know, let someone into my life and then I'm like, well, [ __ ] this is the reason I don't go out and try to make new friends. How many people have that same problem, that same issue? It's like, damn. at at some point my ego get attacked by by myself because it's like I proved myself wrong again. I get tired of proving myself wrong. I want to be right at some point and my intuition is just not letting me it's letting me down. I have really good intuition but I think a lot of that come from guilt. A lot of it come from like you know like well [ __ ] I know there's good people out there but I have to put myself out there as well. So, it's just a risk. Um, but at some point you just get tired of it.

[00:08:45]And the older you get, the harder it becomes, the more exhausting, the more draining it becomes. And a lot of people are just busy. A lot of people are busy.

[00:08:54]A lot of people are just emotionally drained so much more than ever. you know, between work, family responsibility, finances, and and just everyday stress, many people feel like they barely have enough time for maintaining a relationship that they already have. So, to go out and try to make a new friend is is just crazy.

[00:09:16]Like, I don't have any time in my in my life right now to have no new friends, you know? So, making a new friend takes time, it takes effort, and it's and it takes consistency. And a lot of people are not consistent. A lot of people don't have time. Um they don't put in any effort. So even when people want new connections, they often don't have the bandwidth to to pursue it. Um so the one thing that I realized is yo, it's not always about trust issues. I used to think it's trust blah blah blah.

[00:09:49]Sometimes a lot of people are just exhausted and that's the biggest reason it's so hard to go out and make new friends. Let me know what y'all think.

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