A Saga of Tragedy

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:00]Welcome back to the channel, guys. I hope you're having a great day and I hope you're ready for this. As you can see, I've made a sign for the goose nest. I wrote the goose nest and I printed it out and I laminated it. And now, thanks to you guys, the goose's basket has a name. It is so perfect. In today's episode, we're reading a multiple part saga. And to be honest, it looks terrifying. As always, subscribe if you want to, and let's get into this.

[00:00:29]Okay, so this saga definitely does have mentions of abuse and also suicide. So warning for that before we start. I don't know what happens, but I do know that there are mentions of that. Am I the a-hole for wanting to leave my fiance due to her abusive family? I've been dating my fiance for 4 years and have been engaged for 7 months. We're trying to plan out a wedding for roughly fall next year. Her childhood was terrible and abusive to put it mildly.

[00:00:56]Her parents were raging narcissist and she was the scapegoat for her two brothers. She was abused and thrown out the moment that she turned 18. She was however a great student and a hard worker. So with some scholarships and a part-time job, she has a great career and is pretty independent. The problem is though is that she still had contact with her family. None of them have changed. Well, actually something has changed. They have become more financially dependent on her. They enjoy slowly creeping back into her life and emotionally blackmailing her for support or whatever she can do. They're not pleasant about it either. They're rude, smug. They generally enjoy being a nuisance. And my fiance can't say no, no matter the horrible things they say or how they outright try and intimidate her openly. I've always known her family history and have always supported her through the issues with them. But in the last year or so, they've become far more brazen and asinine. They come over to her house more often. They make messes all around the place. Her mother acts like she's the stepmother from Cinderella. Her dad drinks all my beer and then empties out half of the fridge.

[00:01:59]Her brother stopped by occasionally to act as mouthpieces for their parents.

[00:02:03]They practically trash the place and they leave us to clean up the mess. And where's my fianceé in all of this?

[00:02:08]Quietly standing in the corner practically shaking. And I'm no fool here. Like this is a legitimate trauma.

[00:02:14]There's her need to feel loved by them and her hoping they'll appreciate her before one of you noble commenters states the obvious. She's been in therapy for this for years. I've tried to establish boundaries for nearly 2 years. I've been trying to push these ass clowns away. But this is her house that she purchased and no matter of contributions, financial or otherwise, will she let me have a say on who comes into her house. She's been beaten down mentally and emotionally by them for so long. She told me recently that she wants to earn their approval. how they were right about her, how she needs to be better for them. I've had too many emotional conversations with tears and begging to count, hoping that she'll take the steps to get better, but she's an adult. I can't force her to do anything. I love her, but I can't help but feel so resentful of what she's doing. It's agonizing watching someone that you love, somebody you know deserves so much better, openly destroy themselves for people like her family.

[00:03:07]It's been painful watching her cry herself to sleep one too many nights because of them. I've tried too many times to help her out of their clutches.

[00:03:15]But I have to think of the future. What happens when we have kids? What happens when she's postpartum and invites them over? What happens if there's a medical emergency for either of us? What if our finances get tight and they still demand money? This is the in-law from hell and I won't be able to avoid them. Tomorrow, I'm going to tell her that I want to delay the wedding until firm boundaries are established. If she resents, I walk.

[00:03:37]I can't do it anymore. I refuse to watch a slow death like this any further.

[00:03:41]Update. I talked to her and it went about as well as one could possibly expect. Currently getting myself set up in a hotel for a few days and working on possible long-term plans for moving out.

[00:03:51]Still a lot going on right now, but maybe sometime next week I'll be able to pit everything together into an update.

[00:03:57]Wow, what a start to the episode. What a horrible situation. And OP wants to kick them out of the house, but it's not OP's house. OP said, "No matter of contributions, financial or otherwise, will she let me have a say on who comes into her house?" Yeah. So, what can OP even do? This comment says, "Not the a-hole. She's got all the power in this situation with her abusers, but she's been trained from birth that she's helpless before them. If she won't protect her home with you, you have to save yourself." The top comment says, "Not the a-hole. You can't save her if she doesn't want to be saved. And even if she wants to, you'd only be able to help and support. She needs to be the one to enforce the boundaries and hold them, but she doesn't. And it's up to you if you want this for life. Have you spoken to her about where you are, that you're on the verge of breaking up with her for this lack of boundaries? No, it's not to manipulate her into choosing you. Although some will say that it's just a statement of fact. She may be willing to sacrifice everything for her family, but you're not. If this is the life that you have to look forward to, you don't want it. You need to put yourself and your needs first. Who knows? that may prompt her to open her eyes and put herself first with her family, but likely not. Okay, I need to know what happens. Let's get into the first update, which by the way, there are five. So, the first out of five updates update. Am I the gay hoof for wanting to leave my fiance due to her abusive family? The night after I made the first post, I had decided that I was going to have a heart-to-he heart with my fiance about her family. However, she came back from work the next day early and I already was off that day. So, I initiated the talk a little bit sooner than I planned. Essentially, I told her how this arrangement was not sustainable. I did not feel comfortable marrying her due to how much involvement in her life her family has. And I certainly did not feel comfortable bringing a child into this world with them. I didn't want to tell her cold turkey no contact with them, but strict limitations to start with on them coming over and what they can do around the house. I also requested couples therapy before marriage. She wasn't happy. She was just staring angrily at me while I spoke and then started yelling at me when I finished. She told me that I don't understand their dynamic and it worked for her. No, it doesn't. What are you talking about? I told her that they're abusive users who will bleed her dry and I've never seen them show any decency to her. She told me that she just had to work harder for them to appreciate her. No, I basically yelled at her that a parent's child shouldn't have to beg and plead and work for them to be loved. I told her that she sets limits with them or I walk. She was livid and since I was living in her house, I was kicked out. I did not expect her to have this reaction. So, the past few days, I've been staying in a hotel and I've had my stuff taken out and put into storage. And frankly, it's been great. I'm going to stay with family for a few weeks around mid July.

[00:06:46]And after that, I'm going to go house searching for myself. I've spent the last couple of days relaxing, catching up on movies and video games that I haven't had time for, and could go back from work to a quiet room without her family tearing the place apart.

[00:06:59]Yesterday, however, things came to a head. We basically been no contact since she booted me out, but I know that every Saturday her family loves to spend the afternoon over, and she uses me as a shield from their abuse. However, in a very petty move, I simply kept my phone muted all day, and I played Disco Allesium. I knew that she'd call back for help with her family, and at this point, pure resentment was kicking in for her, and I wanted nothing to do with her issues. By the end of the night, she'd sent me over a dozen texts and finally two frantic voicemails begging me to come home. I decided to come over to check up on her. Long story short, she was sobbing in the living room, and when I came to talk to her, she was practically crushing my back, hugging me and sobbing. I gave her time to call off and ask what happened. Long story short, her parents and brother came by to get money from her and say horrible to her.

[00:07:46]She wanted to have me come over to help, but I was ignoring her. And when she tried to have one of her friends help out, and everybody basically said that, it all started clicking for her. She kicked her family out, but not before they said some utterly vile to her that I won't repeat. She kept on apologizing to me and told me over and over to come home. I told her plainly that I'd started to build up heavy resentment towards her for some time. And while I loved her and I understand that it was trauma and not her being outright abusive, there were major issues that would need to be addressed if we were to move forward. Number one, she sells the house and moves. We make roughly the same amount of money and will buy a house together. I'm a grown ass man and I will not live in a house that I have no equal agency over. Number two, her family will never step foot in it. They will never come over. They will be treated by me in a very threatening manner if they try to come in. Number three, she gets a new therapist and we start premarital counseling. Number four, she never makes me interact with her family. Number five, we will go low contact with her family right now, but make no mistake, we're working towards full no contact on her end. I told her I love her. We've been together for a while now, and we have beautiful memories together, and I know that she's suffering from abuse, but these are non-negotiable, and if she has a problem with any of them, then we have to go our separate ways. She told me that she has realized for a while now that her family is toxic and unhealthy and that she wants to make changes. She has accepted that some of these will take a while to see through. For now, I'm going to stay in the hotel until I head back to stay with my family. She is welcome to come over, but I've made it clear that her house is not somewhere that I want to go. Her and I are both off tomorrow, so we'll spend the day here and maybe go out. This is obviously not over yet, but I might not post anything else until mid August or so. Okay, so she's had a bit of a realization about her family.

[00:09:34]That's good. This is not a situation where there's going to be like a quick fix. This is going to be a long road of recovery. Growing up with a horrible family like that, that's not just going to disappear. I feel for them. I hope they can work it out. And also, like a lot of comments are saying, don't immediately buy a house together. OP rent or something for a while. Don't immediately jump into that together. The top comment says, "It's cute that you think that she won't continue to choose her family over you, but it's going to be even worse once you're legally bound by a home purchase." This comment says, "The last thing you should be doing is locking yourself into a mortgage with somebody that you were just trying to leave. Be serious right now. Therapy and counseling come first. Then after some time, if things are going okay, you can think about the rest. I feel like we need a NEZ break. How are you going today, Nez? I'm sleeping happily in the basket. She's so cute. She's so fluffy, too, when it's cold. Adorable. Okay, let's get straight into update number two. I don't know where this is going.

[00:10:36]Hopefully somewhere good. Update number two. Despite all intentions of not updating until much later with the hopes of improved relationship with my fianceé and her establishing boundaries with her toxic family, we're now broken up.

[00:10:50]Essentially, what happened was after last weekend where I left her for the time to deal with them herself, she seemed to finally grasp the situation and was open to changes, including boundaries and a possible move. We spent Monday and Tuesday hanging out in the hotel that I was staying in until I went back to my family for a couple of weeks.

[00:11:07]The other night, she was being very vague with texting when she originally was supposed to come over. She came over much later than expected, and I knew something was up. She basically unloaded on me how I was abusive, controlling, overly demanding, and unsupportive. It took me five seconds to figure out that she was just repeating verbatim some sort of rehearsed speech from her parents. Oh my god. And to be honest, I was so agitated at this point, despite making a huge gamble on her, I decided to be a prick about it. I asked her if her family told her to say this. She said they suggested it to her, but she came up with it herself. Sure. I asked her to explain in detail what I did. She said that I was living like a parasite off of her. I reminded her that I'm paying 50/50 for her mortgage, 50/50 for utilities and groceries as well. I have my own car that I pay for a job that makes just as much as hers, unlike her le parents who demand payments on the weekly and array the kitchen on the weekends. I told her to try again with something better. She looked flustered and said that I was trying to isolate her from your horrible family, trying to help you. More like I kind of smirked like a jackass and I told her that I've always supported her many friendships that she has destroyed on her own because nobody wants to deal with her family or be used like a shield like me.

[00:12:28]I was practically demanding to know at this point why she's so hellbent on destroying her life for these people.

[00:12:34]She just kind of shouted that I don't understand her family and she's just trying to earn their love back and was basically ranting at that point. Oh, this is sad. It's just so staggering to see up close. I have ventured into a few subreddits to get perspectives. And if you have any familiarity with them, you'll see how people who are victims of abuse by their own family can be so utterly broken by it that it'll wreck their brain to where they truly believe that they're the problem and that they deserve the abuse. Well, that's how she was. She was utterly broken and she didn't want help. She didn't want to get better. She just wanted to get worse. It hit me like a truck. Honestly, the realization I really did feel like a fool for trying, even if it was what I was supposed to do in the first place.

[00:13:20]She was practically berserk at this point and I was just mentally exhausted and I needed her to leave before somebody called the police. She finally left, but I had a few concerned neighbors check on me. Some of her friends are aware as they've messaged me checking on the situation. I told them the truth that I just needed to be alone to think about what to do next right now. They have revealed that she has given them similar rants after they expressed concern to her. One had even heard that she may be possibly at risk of losing her job. She's definitely having some sort of mental break. From my understanding, she's now completely isolated. She's actually sprinting into a horrible lonely life right now. And there's nothing I can do for her at this point. And as selfish as it sounds, I'm glad that it's going to be behind me. Oh my god. Yeah, this is sad. But in a situation like this, what else can you do? Nothing. The top comment says, "Move out. Cut all contact. Move on. You can't make someone help themselves." Yeah, it's so sad because it's so obvious.

[00:14:20]Like they're an abusive, nightmare, toxic family. You could see that from a mile away. Okay, let's get into update number three. Update number three.

[00:14:31]Things have kind of wrapped up, but there were some loose ends. I completely forgot to change my mailing address, which I should have done ASAP. So, a couple of important things got sent to her house. I had to go pick them up, plus a final couple of items I want for my move that I left there and decided that I wanted to actually take. She was being difficult and not responding to messages in regards to them, so I had to go get them from her myself. I brought a mutual friend just in case. Thankfully, she was at least cooperative and letting me get my stuff and it wasn't much of an issue. Everything else was though. She had a lot of nasty things to say.

[00:15:05]Telling me that she was already sleeping around. Telling me how happy she was now that I was gone. Telling me that she's finally free of me, how she's going to be so much better off without me. A lot of generic insults and horrible things you'd commonly expect from a nasty breakup. And you know what? It was so obvious that it was a rehearsed script from her family. You could easily see how miserable she was. She looked like a mess. Like she hasn't slept in days. The house was a mess. She wasn't even yelling it. She sounded so exhausted and broken when she said it. She didn't even smile when she said anything. Just her face contorted in hate and anger. She was not the woman that I knew anymore.

[00:15:46]That person was gone. When I was getting ready to leave, she was still going on.

[00:15:50]I was fed up and I told her something along the lines of, "Congratulations, your friends are gone. Your human shields are gone. Your engagement's over. Your support's gone. Anyone who ever treated you like a decent human being's gone. It's just you and your family. I hope you're happy while they bleed you dry." It probably didn't go like that, but something like that. She just stood there. Literally just stood there and looked at me with indifference and walked away as I walked out the door. As we were leaving, the mutual friend Tiffany asked if I was okay. I reassured her that I was, and I'm just trying to get myself set up to go home next week. She also confirmed that she hears that my ex did lose her job for not showing up for several days and basically ghosting them. They're going to try an intervention next week and asked if I could participate, but I'm not delaying my travel because frankly, I just want a clean break. I know for a fact that if I stay involved, I'm only going to be witnessing the slow descent to either a full break or a suicide, and I just can't do that. Despite all of this, I'm actually excited for the future, and I have realized that I ignored way too many red flags at the beginning. Even with everything that happened, I know that I'll be doing good and I'm going to be all right. I expect this to be my final update. There are still two updates. I'm still in town until Sunday afternoon, so something could happen while I'm still here. But if anything does, it won't be exciting.

[00:17:11]Wow, this is so sad. The top comment says, "Not the a-hole. Not participating in the intervention was the right choice." Yeah, maybe it'll help her, but not your problem. And she's proud of sleeping around. The second top comment says she's becoming her family. You did the right thing. I come from a family much like hers. I've watched multiple cousins evolve into the next generation of abusive a-holes after once swearing they'd get away. They cared more about their family's approval than they did their own mental well-being. And now they're miserable and just like their parents to their own kids. Yeah, how sad is that? This one is so much heavier than I expected. I don't really know what I expected to be honest. I probably should have expected it to be heavy.

[00:17:56]This comment says, "Honestly, this is so sad." Yeah, but good for you OP because she was dragging you down. Okay, there are two more updates in this saga. So, let's get into the second to last update. I'm currently back in my home state with my family, refamiliarizing myself with the area. I've 100% decided to stay here permanently, and I'm starting the long process of looking up homes in the area. I've been doing great and hanging out with my friends and family. A couple of mutuals with my ex- fiance have let me know what's been happening, and things finally seem to be getting better. The plan was for an intervention Sunday, but Saturday night after her family visited again, she called friends in an absolute manic state, and it finally seemed to have clicked how bad she screwed up. It was a full-blown panic attack and meltdown, which ended with her in the AR. Needless to say, she finally admits how miserable she is and that she's messed up her life badly. Apparently, she tried calling me, but I had her blocked. She still has her job, and that info about her losing it was wrong. but she's hanging by a thread there and her boss has basically ordered her to use her paid time off for a few weeks to get her head on straight. She is a valuable asset there and they're trying to make sure that she can fix herself before they pull the plug on her. Her friend group is extremely close. My ex was somebody who was a very helpful and supportive friend. So, it makes sense that her group is going this far in trying to help her. It is, however, an unspoken agreement that if she goes back to how she was again, that they're all prepared to let her sink on her own. She's doing as well as can be expected. Her family has continued to heads her with calls and messages.

[00:19:32]They've tried showing up to her house, but have been firmly redirected by friends and even neighbors. I hope she truly understands the kind of support system that she has. As trashy show family disputes usually go, her parents and brothers have taken it to Facebook, which from what I've heard has been in my ex's favor as it has exposed their behavior to many more people and seems to have shut them up a little. Finally, she had one of the mutuals pass a message to me. Essentially, it was her admitting all the horrible things that she said to me were not true and were done by her family as I knew they were.

[00:20:04]She apologized for how things ended and hope that we could one day reconnect.

[00:20:08]Sadly, I had to relay that we need to stay separated for good and she just needs to focus on her healing. But I told her that I still care for her and I wish her the best, but that this needs to be our goodbye. The message seems to have been passed along and her friends are helping her process that. She's got a long way to go, but I hope she can find her peace as I'm finding mine. This comment says, "Good luck as you continue to heal and move forward. I commend you for being brave and doing the hard things." Yeah, what a situation. Let's get into the final update. Bonus update.

[00:20:42]Am I the ahoffer wanting to leave my fiance due to her abusive family? I didn't actually think I'd post another entry to this mess. If you want the full context, check my profile or check out one of the update subreddits. I've been doing very well since I came back home.

[00:20:56]All of my stuff made it back here and I'm currently set up with my family while I house hunt. I've gotten my job set up here and I've been back to work the past week. I occasionally do come here to comment and post, but that's it.

[00:21:07]Unfortunately, despite all intentions by my ex's friends, the situation is now truly over in the worst way, and the friend group has been shattered as a result. My ex has taken her own life.

[00:21:19]Wa! Okay.

[00:21:22]Okay, everybody. Um, pretty much everything I'm going to relay, I learned last night. Since I left, her friends have been helping her get back on her feet, pushing her to better therapy, helping establish boundaries with her family, getting her out of the house.

[00:21:38]They truly went above and beyond.

[00:21:40]However, for Tiffany, the friend who was there helping me the last time that I talked face to face with my ex, began to grow suspicious of my ex when she saw her becoming touchyfey with her boyfriend Daniel when they hung out at her house. I don't know too many details about when push became shove but she eventually got a hold of her boyfriend's phone when he was asleep and found very sexual messages between them and as a giant shocker to me these dated over 5 months back Tiffany obviously lost her and told everyone what nobody could have expected was the show that was to follow Daniel Tiffany's now ex in a massive it move threw another member of the friend group Joseph under the bus claiming that he helped to cover for him Joseph's girlfriend in return dumped him and kicked him out of the house. A friend group consisting of around nine people, including my ex, practically exploded.

[00:22:30]And the only people who still talk to each other are Tiffany and Joseph's ex.

[00:22:34]Mind you, as I was being told this, I was informed that although I've been away for around a month, all of this literally happened in the first week.

[00:22:41]Immediately, my ex lost her entire support system and was essentially fully blamed for everything. This only exasperated her already declining mental state. Of course, everybody wanted to know why she did all of that to one of her best friends. She just gave the usual spiel about how they'd grown close. He was a good support system for her. And of of course, she has told her family about him, and they approved of him instead of me. The night I left her house to my hotel, she then invited him over. Apparently, her endgame was to leave me for him eventually. However, he wouldn't leave Tiffany for her, and he utterly loathed hearing about her family, so he obviously wouldn't go for anything more than a secret affair.

[00:23:22]Truly, I imagine that I would be far angrier than I was. But I'd already begun to move on. I had done a full health exam recently at my new doctor's office and had gotten a clean bill of health recently, including no STDs, so I didn't have to worry about that. And frankly, it just wouldn't do any good at this point. I was told that I want informed because honestly nobody knew how to drop that on me so late which I understand. So yeah, my ex was completely ostracized even by Tiffany's ex who just outright disappeared. She was blocked and left to deal with her problems herself. Tiffany only knew that she finally lost her job for good and basically spent all her free time having her family over. They had finally won in a way. Two nights ago, it was discovered that she had taken her life in her home.

[00:24:08]Her family found her. One of the members of the old friend group who lived nearby showed up at her house when medical was showing up. Her family was there and they seemed like they couldn't care less. Tiffany called me last night just to give a heads up. There were several notes and she as delicately as possible asked if I would want mine just for closure. I really don't know what to do about that. I'm feeling so much of mental whiplash right now. I truly never knew this woman at all. I've had to accept over the past month that I've been home that she was abusive in the relationship with how she put me through with her family. And now it seems like it was a way to try and drive me off so that she could be in the arms of another man that her family seemed to like which frankly makes me even more confused because what did he have that I didn't?

[00:24:52]Did they just enjoy with her life? Was anything with her real? Was anything with the group of people I spent years of my life with even real? Being back here is the best decision that I've ever made. And now I have full confirmation of that. I can start therapy to process this mess. Spend some time with an actually trustworthy group of people face to face instead of on the internet.

[00:25:12]And I have family close by for support.

[00:25:14]But yeah, this is going to with me for a long time. Edit. After a good night's sleep and time to process, I am doing fine. I have received some messages from people showing concern and even sending resources. And please stop those. Lol.

[00:25:26]I'm doing fine. I'm obviously going to be processing this for a while, but please do not assume that I'm selfharming or considering anything worse. I'm starting a much better chapter of my life, and I fully intend to make the most of it. Still working through whether or not I'm going to read the note, but I am fine. This is a tragedy of a saga. Oh my god. The top comment says, "You are absolutely not at fault for any of this. Your ex's actions were her own, and you were not responsible for her choices or her mental health. It's clear that she was struggling with a lot of complex issues and it's tragic that she felt like there was no other way out. Yeah, this one is so sad. What a revolting family, too.

[00:26:08]Like OP saying that the family seemed like they couldn't even care less. What a horrible family. Oh, that's so sad. OP tried. OP tried again and again. OP couldn't fix this situation. Yeah, I definitely didn't realize that this was going to have the ending that it did.

[00:26:25]There's a comment here that says, "If her family was as narcissistic as indicated, her death was an income stream lost." Yeah, how revolting is that? All the family did was manipulate her and abuse her and take her money.

[00:26:39]Yeah, let's read something wholesome.

[00:26:42]Guys, I'm sorry, but with the evidence I've gathered, it's obvious that you're a blessing. That's so beautiful little ducky. Look, Ness, it's you. A beautiful little ducky. That's so cute. And also this one too. This morning I was saying that I made a super tight schedule for myself this week to make sure that I get everything done. And my daughter said, "Make sure you get weird and take some dance breaks." So I offer this to you.

[00:27:08]Make sure that you get weird and take some dance breaks. That is incredible advice. We need to make sure that we get weird and take some dance breaks. Thank you for watching today's episode, everybody. I hope that you're okay after what we've read today. Let me know what you think in the comments. And the comment of the day today goes to Lost Shadow 768. Vincy during update number two. I hope this has a happy ending. Me?

[00:27:34]How? Yeah, I'm a little bit too optimistic in some of these stories.

[00:27:39]Like, there's pretty much no way that it's going to have a happy ending, but I'm still hoping for a happy ending.

[00:27:45]Maybe that's not optimistic. Maybe that's a little bit delusional, but I'm still always hoping for a happy ending.

[00:27:52]Thank you for the support, everybody. I really appreciate it. Make sure you look after yourself and make sure you have a beautiful, amazing rest of your day. And I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.