Why relationships are no longer working , Q and A

Added: 2026-05-15

[00:00:00]every Wednesday. So, um we get crazy, we get horny, and we get real.

[00:00:05]And uh well, this title's a little bit different. I usually just do a relationship Q&A, you know, like answering your relationship questions, but I felt like I wanted to just lead this one a little bit more in a more truthful direction, which is why relationships are no longer working.

[00:00:19]With that, the foundation for intimacy is completely destroyed. That the concept of intimacy has a moral core, which is a question of what we are seeking to transform in ourselves to realize the innate goodness in us. Now, that is genuinely impossible without maternal figures. So, if the feminine is sought to be repressed and deconstructed, and even to be put on a podium of degeneracy, then what we're really doing is deconstructing the moral core of every individual. The The foundation, the mother's love is what reinforces and strengthens the individual's relationship with the innate goodness in themselves, and in their affirmation of their needs says that the person as the individual is good. So, uh making sure cuz sometimes I have some audio issues and I have to kind of run it up again. Make sure you guys can hear me.

[00:01:08]Um So, uh I I'm I'm I'm really noticing that, you know, intimacy is uncomfortable, you know.

[00:01:18]So much of of existence is about relationship, and it's relationships.

[00:01:22]I'd say even it's all about relationships. And uh now I don't know. Now, I guess it's a question of how you can be seen by everybody on a camera lens, you know?

[00:01:31]It's It's not about sex, it's about porn. Uh it's It's not about connection, it's about promiscuity, you know?

[00:01:39]And uh I'm I'm really excited for, you know, the work that's coming on this page, some more and more content that's going to be coming out for everybody.

[00:01:44]And uh I'm thinking for those who are listening right now before I get real busy, is um I just I'd love to meet some of you guys in the community, you know, make yourself known. Talk about how the content has resonated with you. Talk about, you know, what you feel is really helped you in your life, you know, and what also feels like I don't understand what the fuck this guy is saying cuz I'm totally open to that, too.

[00:02:06]Yet, the foundation of an intimate relationship. Now, the foundation of a relationship needs to be fortified by an individual who seeks intimacy, right? What is intimacy?

[00:02:19]Seeing yourself. That's what intimacy is. Seen as you are, not as you would like to be seen.

[00:02:26]And And by the way, let me let me I want to make this very clear is that seeing yourself as you are is one of the most challenging experiences in life as much as it is to be seen in an intimate relationship is that there's a difficulty in accepting how uncomfortable it is.

[00:02:45]And And the question is is why would we open up to that kind of discomfort, right? Why would we open up to pain?

[00:02:52]And uh I feel like that's what we need to ask ourselves. Why would we open up to pain?

[00:02:58]Because so much of intimacy is being seen in our pain, and that's what I find to be interesting about a healthy relationship. It's not the absence of pain.

[00:03:06]It is the transformation of the pain you have experienced and a space to express it.

[00:03:12]If that's not the aim, then the alternative is what happens to most people, and it's And it's scary. I'll tell you what happens to most people.

[00:03:18]They recreate their pain in their relationships cuz that's the best they have.

[00:03:22]All right.

[00:03:25]Your material is a lot to ingest, but I appreciate learning more about myself and others. Well, yeah, that's kind of the point. You know, I I realize even even what it's like to work with me as a coach.

[00:03:35]I'm deeply uncomfortable to speak with because I want you to see yourself.

[00:03:41]This is what intimacy is. Intimacy is the practice of uncomfortable conversations that allow you to be seen.

[00:03:48]And now, an artist is seeking to be seen, right?

[00:03:53]Well, that's kind of the point. You want to reflect the authentic essence of yourself. But now, how vulnerable is that? How courage is that? How much courage is that is in that? Why would we fight for our pain? Why would we fight to experience our pain? Well, not as just a means to transform it. It's the very point by which our love is expressed. And it's our love in the truest sense, because what we're really looking for is the realization of all of the self-consciousness we have around expressing our love. You know, Pinocchio is a great example. He's He's a wooden boy. And when he becomes of flesh and bone, right? That's what he has agreed to. Like he had to sacrifice himself. He can no longer live under the illusion of the lack of his vulnerabilities. In fact, that like love is the manifestation of your best.

[00:04:42]And it it is and it's your best, meaning that like you've consciously sought to realize who you are, right? He's a wooden boy. Now he's going to go realize who he is. What does he need to do to become a real boy? He needs to become brave, he needs to become truthful, and he needs to become kind, right? And by the way, kindness has a level of self-sacrifice in it. Real kindness is not the absolute It's not the absence of selfishness. Real kindness is the integration of what the person desires most, right? So it's the most selfish desire to become a real boy.

[00:05:13]We we often never elevate the conversation in our culture, and so we're just left with whatever the culture has to offer, which is why I believe individuals are responsible for leading the blind, especially in a generation like today. And if you have a voice, speak up.

[00:05:28]Because you don't know how much good it could do for someone, especially those who are really listening. And um they have their ear up against the door, and they want it open.

[00:05:36]All right, let's see what we got.

[00:05:40]My ex was an avoidant.

[00:05:43]Why she started a relationship if it was easy to me discarded. Okay, so let's try this again.

[00:05:55]Avoidance is what we are actively working against, right? If a person has the inability to be intimate, they have their alternative, avoidance. And avoidance is a characteristic to define all parts of you that are terrified of facing yourself.

[00:06:13]And by the way, even in ending a relationship requires you to be not avoidant. So like, even in the process of letting somebody go, you can't be avoidant. Like, there's there's a necessity to face conflict in our lives.

[00:06:26]And by the way, can we agree back to the intimate intimacy conversation? Intimacy is the uncomfortable conversations that require you to confront existence.

[00:06:34]And it's the existence of yourself. And then that's what I noticed that often like we can't just exist in our head with this conversation. We have to open up to the emotions that we're experiencing because sometimes my god, we're angry. My god, we're sad. My god, we're in pain. And And the measures that we need to go in order to realize that seems to be like the space for transformation where we could bring ourselves into existence in more ways than just being a a kid who's conscious and is wooden and doesn't have strings.

[00:06:57]So, don't rationalize avoidance, guys.

[00:07:02]Get rid of it. It's not a real thing.

[00:07:05]It would What What somebody's saying is like, "Oh, they're just avoidant." Like, "Are you seriously dismissing all of their destructive cowardice behaviors?"

[00:07:10]Because I hope you know that's exactly what's happening. Like, don't look at avoidance as a virtue. You can understand avoidance. Yet, there is sadness in recognizing most won't stand up for themselves.

[00:07:22]They're okay to take upon resentment.

[00:07:24]They're okay to take upon their own neglect. They're actively turning away from themselves. And by the way, partially those people are always victimized. They They come from a victimized state.

[00:07:35]What's this dude yakking on about?

[00:07:37]Absolutely nothing important.

[00:07:41]Young ninja, I like that term.

[00:07:46]All right, do you believe in Bigfoot?

[00:07:49]UFO videos are coming out. My son needs help.

[00:07:54]Okay.

[00:07:55]Well, yeah, you can always DM the Instagram. Now, I'd love to, you know, let me know about your son's situation.

[00:08:01]See if See if I can help him out. See if we can help out here.

[00:08:05]So, uh Yeah, you know, I feel that intimacy is deeply uncomfortable. And I often notice that, you know, what I teach people is intimacy. And um it's not easy to face ourselves, cuz we're facing By the way, the the darkest parts of ourselves. And those are the parts of ourselves we want to realize the least. It's also the parts of ourselves where there's the most pain around. And so, the pain we are looking to heal actualizes the parts of ourselves we repressed.

[00:08:30]And uh all healing is building.

[00:08:34]What are the top three self-improvement books you would recommend? Um I think I already did this one, because I told you I actually really am not a fan of self-improvement books, but um I would say that a person needs to start opening themselves up to stories. Stories communicate a whole lot more than a practical lesson can. In fact, I want you to understand that actually the the practical is always a dilution of a much larger truth that you can use in a particular incident. It's not the truth.

[00:09:01]So, we have to integrate ourselves to a truth. We have to seek connection with a much larger truth. We have to fight for that truth, right? So, we starting to look for conceptual understanding is going to be through stories, cuz that's where we're truly influenced. You know, we start really recognizing what our aim is towards when it's not just so much, "Hey, don't forget to drink water in the morning or brush your teeth."

[00:09:21]We start understanding what it is to care for oneself. And we start seeing how that has practical applications in specific circumstances. So, you know, I really don't recommend self-improvement books, but I would say that I would say the most impactful book in my life has been the Bible. The Old Testament specifically. And it's uh not a criticism to the New Testament, but it's really what the New Testament is speaking to.

[00:09:42]So, I read that regularly. And I took a big break from it for a long time just to see how much dependency I created on it on from a like a neurotic level. And I don't know as of recently I've been finding the stories more and more reflective in reality.

[00:09:57]So, that's the first one to read.

[00:09:59]Um you know 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson is exceptional.

[00:10:08]And this is kind of give you like the self-improvement aspect of things.

[00:10:13]Maybe potentially I would I would even consider, you know, I I love fiction a lot. You know, I spoke about Kurt Vonnegut last time. I love Kurt Vonnegut. I love Sirens of Titan. I love Slaughterhouse Five.

[00:10:24]Um that's a great question. What kind of books? I I honestly, do you know, I'm not the kind of person that looks to book I I feel like I'm I'm deeply inspired by film, too. I think in a lot of ways we we like to diminish it, but if you're if you're really seeking to come closer to an understanding of life and to see how good works of art reflect life and the truth of ourselves. And so, I seek that. I seek it. You know, I'm But that's just why not end it in three.

[00:10:46]Um The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm.

[00:10:49]Excellent book. Excellent book. One of my most recent reads. Really really love it.

[00:10:54]Okay. Many people have learned about love from their parents.

[00:10:57]Love often reflects their childhood.

[00:11:00]Well, think of it this way. We don't know what love is. We're actually separate from love. People have love, yet the incapacity to express it.

[00:11:09]Love is deeply transformational. You're not just going to be able to express that. You're going to start realizing that. It demands a commitment of the individual if their aspiration is love.

[00:11:18]And you're going to have to burn away a lot of what is false in us. And we're going to open up to insecurity and inadequacy. And then potentially even the worst of our own judgments. And so, when we step under a spotlight, we are seen. And that's where love is. And often in a lot of ways we remove ourselves from love because it's absolutely terrifying. Love is all realizing. And so the the the nature of why it's all realizing I don't know, but I I can say that for one thing is that it's a deep deep challenge and it's an aspiration that we should all aim ourselves towards.

[00:11:50]Do you believe the stories in the Torah are true? Yes, I do. Um I believe that they're true in more ways than just one.

[00:11:55]I'm not just talking historically ac- accurate, but I'm saying that they are reflective of existence. And that's what I would call truth.

[00:12:06]I want to know if a bro has a wife and kids up here preaching. No, I do not have a wife and kids. And so like yeah, let me make this very clear.

[00:12:12]Um I'm not even in a relationship. I believe that everything that I'm speaking about here is to invite you to walk my path.

[00:12:18]You know, you can do what you like. You know, you can find some fake image out there and you can commit yourself to that. Go for it. I'm sure that's what you're used to anyways.

[00:12:24]Um truth might be too intimate for you.

[00:12:27]I'm currently reading All About Love by bell hooks. I can't recommend it highly enough. That sounds beautiful.

[00:12:37]So um Yeah, I'm curious if you guys have any other questions. All right, I'm 27 and just starting dating.

[00:12:47]What top tips do you have?

[00:12:49]Well, you're a little late, you know, but it's better late than ever.

[00:12:54]So uh I I really I like I like the vulnerability here. I appreciate it. You know, I don't know how you just start dating at 27, but I think it's a really good question. Where were you before this? You know, I think I think in our whole lives, you know, we're we're dating as soon as we're aware that we're a man and or that we're a woman. You know, we're we're actively seeking a counterpart. Actively, you know? And by the way, we're also starting to realize what we want as complementation. What kind of partner we want to be is what it is to seek a counterpart, right? So you're you're going to be playing that out even with the person you meet.

[00:13:22]So I mean, what's the top tips? I mean, I don't know. You don't sound very socialized to me.

[00:13:27]So I think in a lot of ways finding a place where you can develop relationship with rejection.

[00:13:33]Rejection's going to be a great place to help you get real with who you are. See what that is. And start seeing what you connect with. You're almost trying to utilize the the in social environments as a means to get closer to who you are.

[00:13:44]You're trying to bounce off. You're trying to see not a question of what works, but you want to get close with what's true about you and bring it into the light. And you want to begin to stop negotiating. So, it's a much bigger frame to have. And of course, it's going to be something that's going to play into it, but it's going to take off a serious amount of pressure.

[00:14:00]Playing the fool is one of the greatest tips.

[00:14:02]Because you're not really looking to kiss ass or be something for them. No, you you are genuinely looking to connect with yourself and remove what is false.

[00:14:10]And sometimes that requires being a little bit of a fool.

[00:14:14]And then by the way, for me that was the best thing I ever learned when I started just in dating, not just relationships in this business.

[00:14:20]Um what I looked for was what's true in me and how close I can get to that and how much I can play with it. And I often notice I became deeply attracted.

[00:14:32]Because I'm not negotiating with me. So, I believe it's about finding what you value in more ways than just how you want to raise your family.

[00:14:38]And finding what you value is creating a space that allows the truth of you to exist in relationships. The stronger you get with that, the more controversial you will be, more polarizing, and you'll also be far more attractive and attract what's for you.

[00:14:53]What advice would you give to set up boundaries with a partner when it comes to how much time you spend with them. I love spending time with my partner. It gets in the way of maintaining good habits. Well, then it doesn't sound like you really are that connected to the things that you do. You know, you're also starting to realize that a lot of your underlying emotional needs have not been met in your life and you actually have a much deeper value in meeting them in the relationship.

[00:15:19]So, this is kind of like what happens in in simple English.

[00:15:22]Mhm.

[00:15:27]Yeah, you're A lot of people who are emotionally unwell disappear into their relationships. They stop taking care of themselves, right?

[00:15:47]And well, because you're starting to realize that the things that you were doing before were as a means to an end.

[00:15:53]Now, what happens in relationships, unfortunately, especially the the destructive ones, the more modern ones, unfortunately, this has even happened to me, but you don't realize what you value until you give up everything that you thought you did to discover what you really do.

[00:16:07]So, there's a certain point where like this is kind of like a destructive relationship, cuz I never understood why is it people are getting getting more fat in their relationships, right? Why is it they're taking less care of themselves? Why is it that they're working less hard?

[00:16:19]And it's like, well, it seems to me that this person's aim was looking for love as a means to extinguish the light of evolution in them, to extinguish any further progression. So, cuz I often feel that the person that I'm with, you know, the person that I have in my life is is inspiring of those characteristics, not removing me from them. And so, actually, in a lot of ways, relationships reveal what you really value. But, we have identities that are contrary to it. Like, "Why why do the When I'm with this guy, I just let him walk all over all over me?" And it's like, "Well, because you don't really value yourself. You haven't really developed a relationship with yourself." Now, that might be true with the guy you met on Tinder, but that's not true for the guy that you love.

[00:17:00]Because that's really reflective of what you value, what your real relationship with yourself looks like. Because it turns out that relationships only amplify what we value. And how connected we are to those things are revealed in our relationships.

[00:17:16]I have solely on work, and I know I have wasted time. Well, I mean in a lot of ways I I cuz I know that you're talking about the whole dating thing.

[00:17:24]I It's not that you've wasted time. It's that I think you might have neglected yourself. You know?

[00:17:29]There's There's much deeper needs that you have. And And you know, we're looking to become a realized individual, not just an ATM, but we reduce ourselves to what we believe is most valuable.

[00:17:37]That kind of becomes our God.

[00:17:39]And um We We want to I mean, and in your case, you know, you're you're finally getting back into it. You're starting to connect with what you value. And I think that's really important. So, this is part of your transformation. I would love if you join the community to share a little bit about yourself or shoot me a DM on Instagram.

[00:18:00]All right, how do I stay connected to myself while experiencing attraction, uncertainty, and emotional closeness? I love this.

[00:18:07]That's called intimacy. That's called intimacy. You are experiencing discomfort because in meeting somebody of tremendous value who is good.

[00:18:15]You are facing your relationship with yourself, and an uncomfortable relationship.

[00:18:20]And an uncomfortable conversation, right? So, it's like is it difficult to have children you love, right? Absolutely, it is. And And I've spoken to parents about this. I don't have children. Yet, it's also difficult being with somebody you love cuz you fear losing them. I know what that's like. Now, imagine just compartmentalizing from that feeling.

[00:18:38]You become disconnected in your relationship once you make that choice.

[00:18:42]It's because you love your children so much, metaphorically, that you have to disconnect. It's like, well, you're just not really connected to your vulnerabilities, the act of why we do love, right? I feel like that value is really what sets us free. The reason why we love at all. That's what sets us free. So, um >> [clears throat] >> It's a great question. Emotional closeness, this is what vulnerability is. It It actually It It intimacy invites an uncomfortable conversation ab- about your relationships with your vulnerabilities, right? Like, why would I open my heart up if I constantly feel the fear of losing somebody?

[00:19:20]Well, first off, when you're implying that your heart's closed when you're not feeling that, right? And then maybe you're like, "Whoa, my relationships can be so much better and far more profound than what I allow them to be."

[00:19:33]Intimate relationships are uncomfortable cuz they they require tremendous levels of consciousness about our vulnerabilities. I believe that the male-female dynamic is most revealing of our vulnerabilities and our pain.

[00:19:44]And then we also start realizing like, "Man, why would I ever open up to this?"

[00:19:48]And well, that's the nature of why we start seeking connection, connection, connection, right? Connection, the basis of connection is not "Why would I open up to this? I want to find somebody to avoid myself." Connection is "I want to find someone to face myself with." And then the uncomfortable conversation, which is going to be part of reality, we are going to bind ourselves to com- bind ourselves to face it every point, right?

[00:20:17]And we're going to learn how.

[00:20:20]We're going to learn how.

[00:20:22]Cuz that's kind of what we're kind of removed from. We're we're removed from, you know, learning how to live with our eyes open and our heart open. In a lot of ways it's very, very challenging.

[00:20:35]How does a man know if he has truly found the right woman or he just struggles to because he is addicted to novelty dopamine and the idea that there might always be someone better. Well, in your case, you know, you're talking about when people are disembodied.

[00:20:50]They're not connected to themselves. And so women become a means to an end. They have to be a particular criteria. They have to be what society deems to be valuable.

[00:20:58]Now, the more disconnected that you become from your body, the less connected you are to the choices you make and who you are attracted to. And so there is the expression, "Once you know, you know, but you're describing somebody who's in their head with the person that they're with.

[00:21:13]Okay.

[00:21:14]Hey, I met a young lady at a birthday party. I keep thinking of her. I found her IG. Should I just text her even if I get no reply? Absolutely. Why not? I would even say maybe evaluate the part of you that was hesitant to display this act in person.

[00:21:31]Because you know, you don't want to start rewarding the the afterthoughts, right?

[00:21:38]We want to start facing what part of me didn't speak to the girl at the party that I was attracted to.

[00:21:44]Is this my way of picking up the scraps?

[00:21:46]You know, is this my way of not facing that? But again, you still have that reality, which is there will be another party and another girl, right?

[00:21:55]And so uh the question I have for you is don't you feel that it's important to address what you didn't want to be seen? Because in a lot of ways the expression of desire even sexual interest is very vulnerable and intimate.

[00:22:14]But now I think you're noticing I'd rather participate in life.

[00:22:18]And I don't want you to reinforce the idea that, you know, social media is the participation of life. It's the absence and it's actually reflective of the areas you didn't participate. So I want you to be very aware of that.

[00:22:30]Today I randomly thought about meeting my ex after years and hours later I actually saw him.

[00:22:39]My body reacted before my mind did. Is this what closure feels like? Well, how about this?

[00:22:45]What did you feel in your body?

[00:22:47]You know, it could have been desire. It could have been grief. It could have been love, by the way, in a lot of ways.

[00:22:52]Um and this is actually something interesting with people is that there's two reasons why you're not over your ex.

[00:22:57]You never expressed your love for them.

[00:22:59]That's a real one.

[00:23:01]Cuz you have an identity. This usually comes to identity. Or you've been hurt by them because you love them and have been betrayed.

[00:23:09]And you have created an identity through that relationship. So, it's calling out something false in your life that requires you to go deeper with it.

[00:23:19]So, like let's say you're a victim of narcissistic abuse. You're going to have to discover that you're a narcissist, too. If you were engaged if you got fucked over in a business deal, you're going to have to discover >> [clears throat] >> that you would also do that to somebody else.

[00:23:33]And so, the people that we have the hardest time getting over are often the ones where we never had the ability to open our heart to the pain cuz there's an identity that's blocking it. And I've done this in one of my videos talking about how to get over an ex.

[00:23:47]Um and it's quite nuanced and I think it's really important because we have to go deeper with the people that linger.

[00:23:51]And sometimes the people that don't leave, we have to start realizing how we never expressed our love to those people.

[00:23:57]And and the nature of betrayal, which is difficult, is that it's often done by the people we love. And the reason why it's hard to open ourselves up to betrayal because one, you don't want to be the person that does that to somebody else cuz you know it hurts. You have to simultaneously open up that you would do it to somebody else. And now that you've done and now that it's been done to you, you're more likely to see that through in your life.

[00:24:16]So, when we have these people that keep coming up, they're showing us a part of ourselves. And recently I had a dream of one of my exes in the first time in 4 years. And um when I saw her in the dream, I was returning to the essence of play, the truthful essence of myself because that was something we shared so deeply together. Yet, I never told her how much I loved how playful she is. I never told her how much I loved her. I never told her how much our chemistry was unbeatable. I never really was conscious of those things because I just was in it. I also never told her that, you know, I never needed to try. I was just myself.

[00:24:51]Um and I was like, wait, holy shit. Why is it I couldn't express that before?

[00:24:56]Well, I was not willing to get to my heartbreak.

[00:25:00]I was not willing to get to my heartbreak. I needed to be seen as Batman. And by the way, what did I lose?

[00:25:04]I lose the essence of play, which is what was in the relationship, right? So, and in a lot of ways with the relationships that are destructive, there's a uh a piece of yourself that's forgotten that we need to come closer with. That was actually actively living out there.

[00:25:21]And so, for our betterment uh for our detriment or for our best, we're going to return to whatever that is.

[00:25:29]All right. Um God bless you guys. I think that's my cue when somebody calls me AI. Um I think it's lagging, brother.

[00:25:37]Anyways, thank you guys. Uh I hope you're enjoying the content. I hope you like these Q&A's, you know, um it's an opportunity to go deeper. Um I feel like that's maybe what we've been lacking for so long, you know.

[00:25:47]Um I feel like we've been lacking that for so long, maybe some depth, you know, cuz I I I really feel that, you know, connection is my aim, you know, and I I really want to create a world where there's a lot more connection.

[00:26:00]And then where there's a lot more connection, there's a lot more intimacy.

[00:26:02]And where there's a lot more intimacy, there's a lot more truth of ourselves that's existing in our life.

[00:26:07]And it's difficult because, you know, if we read history books, we're not the greatest creatures on planet Earth.

[00:26:11]And uh somehow we have to show that part of ourselves to the people we love most.

[00:26:15]And we have stories in our life that reflect that to be a terrible idea. Yet, it's the only way to realize the truth of ourselves, and it's so damn worth it.

[00:26:22]All right, God bless you guys. You guys can join the community. I'm going to be having a lecture not this week, next week. So, um click the link in bio.

[00:26:28]Um Click the link in bio and uh or shoot me a DM. Would love to see if we can work together.

[00:26:36]All the best, guys. Thank you.