The Long-Term Effects of Abuse and How It Changes People | Rev. Dr. Sam Oye

Added: 2026-05-19

[00:00:00]Relationship ultimately will determine your [music] output in life. How much you will become, how much you will have, how much you will achieve, how much you will accomplish, all of that is predicated on your ability to relate well with people. Those who master relationship with people usually excel in a very, very remarkable way in life.

[00:00:24]Those who undermine, those who don't value relationship get to struggle a lot in life. The more people you are in relationship with, the more productive you can become. So, the possibility of becoming productive is usually high for those who know how to keep relationship and know how to utilize [music] those relationship to pursue significant goals. Today, I want to talk to you about one of the most deadliest of negative patterns that destroys relationship. This destructive pattern that destroys love, destroys safety, destroys trust, and it destroys human dignity, abuse. Some of us have become so used to it, so much so that it has destroyed us. We don't see anything left in ourselves, and now we don't see anything wrong with it. There's nothing left in me, so there's nothing wrong with it. That's how bad it's gotten.

[00:01:21]I've gotten so used to abuse, so much so that it has destroyed my sense of self-esteem, and now I don't see anything wrong with it anymore. What is abuse? It's a negative, repeated pattern that destroys relationship, and it starts with attitude. It is repeated in such a manner that this attitude is used to control, to manipulate, to dominate, to humiliate, and then to diminish another person. This has been a major destructive force in your relationship.

[00:01:57]That's why you go to church and you're praying for destiny helpers. You're praying for open doors. It's the reason why people who have this destructive attitude, in most cases, they don't keep good relationships. They don't keep destiny helpers. The dangerous thing about abuse of any kind is that abuse has the capacity to transform a loving relationship to a fearful relationship.

[00:02:25]A relationship that was once filled with love will now be filled with fear.

[00:02:28]That's what abuse can do to a relationship. Where abuse comes into a relationship in an office, in an organization, in a ministry, in a family, when abuse comes in, what then happens is that safety will give way and survival will begin to take over. The need to survive. I just want to survive.

[00:02:48]God, I just Let me just survive and get out of this place. Let me survive and get out of this relationship. So, survival becomes the focus when safety has been eroded, has been removed by the incursion or the infiltration of abuse.

[00:03:04]Those who function in abuse don't know that what they are looking for is power, not partnership. If abuse is your focus, what you're looking for is power. You want to use abuse to get power. The pursuit of abuse is indicative that the person who is actually practicing abuse is personally dysfunctional. That's why you need to stay away from it. I don't have to control my wife. As a pastor, I don't want to control my members. I teach them the word of God. I show them what the principles are, but I will not go around trying to control my members.

[00:03:40]The reason why you are a king is because every other person in the community are subject to you because they are not as empowered as you are. Weakness in a person who is in relationship with you is the reason why you think you are strong. The lesson you are learning from this [music] is that it's not everybody that can be abused. Some people are predisposed to being abused. There is a God who watches over the abused and that God, his might is beyond my might. He still remains the king of kings, the sovereign ruler, monarch of the universe. He comes to the defense of the weak. Have you realized that it was when God saw that Leah was hated, emotional abuse. God opened the womb of the one that is abused and shut the womb of the one that is supposed to be the loved one, Rachel. Abuse can induce, can attract the judgment of the God of the abused. Stay away from abuse.