Red flags in dating are subtle warning signs that, if ignored, can escalate into abusive relationships; women often overlook these signs because they are not attuned to their nervous system's signals, and recognizing patterns like controlling behavior, pressure for sex after rejection, and objectification of women is crucial for protecting oneself in relationships.
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Psychologist Analyzes - The Voice Memo Guy and How Women IGNORE Red Flags
Added:Hello. Hello. Welcome. I am Dr. Shice. I am a licensed clinical psychologist. My degree is right up there. Okay. And today I wanted to talk about red flags, specifically how women ignore them. But I think um I have like a few videos that I want to go over. The focus is more on helping y'all understand patterns and how something that might seem innocuous eventually over time turns into something bigger. There's a pattern to abuse. And I think that's what I'm trying to teach. It's important, I think, to leave at the first red flag. I do. And no matter how small it is, like I think I've I think I've told a story about leaving in the middle of a date. I I went on a date with a guy I met on a dating app and he was late. Was he late?
I He wasn't that late. Maybe he was like 10 minutes late. Good morning, Air Max.
He he came in. He was on the phone when he came in and then he had shades on. I think he was in a BMW. I'm not really the car person, but he he came in, greeted the server, came as sat next to me, was still on the phone, started talking, and then got off the phone, turned to me, didn't I don't think he ever took his shades off. And then when the server came to ask him what he wanted to order, he didn't want to order anything. Okay? Now, I if I go on a date with a man, I'm not paying. Okay? And I follow the lead of men, how they set the tone. So, if you're not ordering anything, I'm not ordering anything either. He eventually ordered a drink, but he he kept saying he kept saying I can't remember what he said exactly, but I in response to him, I was like, I know I know that I can do that. Like, I know like he was giving me permission. Whatever statement he was making, he was like giving me permission. And it definitely came across as controlling to me, disturbing to me. It made me feel very uncomfortable. So, I just left it in the middle of the date. I just got up and left. And even when I was leaving, he was saying, "You you don't have to go.
You don't have to go. You don't have to whatever. Whatever." And I was like, "I know I don't have to, but I want to."
Okay. So, I'm going because you can only imagine how that sort of behavior escalates later on in a whole relationship. So, the last video I'm going to show, no, the second to last video I'm going to show is the voice memo, but I I want to sort of set the tone. I follow a creator on Tik Tok. I think her name is Baji, but she first started creating content around being 1% better. I think maybe she was like a life coach or something. And so this post, I'm going to play the video here.
She is a matchmaker for Muslim folks.
And she so she doesn't only match like I think Arab Muslim. I think she matches anyone who identifies as Muslim regardless of their race. And so in this video, her caption is translation. I want to trap her before she knows any better. Healthy cuz the guy is going to say something about healthy. Healthy equals brain isn't developed.
That is the tone. I I want you to listen to this with that filter on. This is a person who wants to trap a woman. You're not going to hear a man's voice. She's just going to read exchanges from the interactions. I think she does like a brilliant job. Now uh a matchmaker sees particular types of people. People who have difficulty finding what they want. People who might be abusive, people who might be emotionally immature. Lots of different kind of people. Most people who do matchmaking have ex have I think exhausted some of their, you know, resources trying to find a match. And so they're usually very particular types of people. And then there's a range in terms of how emotionally immature they are. Some people are emotionally mature and when they meet a match like you could think about the married at first sight people.
I watched the first episode and I considered reviewing it but I I don't I don't think I have the stma for it. I might do I think Adam I might do a video on Adam because more about just the red flags and looking out for people. But people who are fairly healthy who get a know what they want. They have a sense of like what's important to them when they get a match they they they hit it off right. There's not this big back and forth with the other person. It's not we have to go through 10 different people in order to find somebody who's a good fit for you. They find somebody who's a good fit. They get to know them and then they, you know, they date for however long. They don't necessarily have to end in marriage, but most of the people, not most, I don't even know what the statistics are. I did look one time about like the success rates for um dating and every matchmaker has like different ways that they measure success but a lot of people who end up going to a matchmaker uh h are lacking sort of communication skills or social skills in some way or emotional regulation. So I'm going to play and stop Baji's video on the guy. Okay. So, she she is asking us, "Do you think I accepted him into the dating pool or not?"
>> Resident physician, an average looking in my opinion.
>> I'm going to read off an exchange and let you guys decide whether this person is accepted or rejected. So, a man joined my paid tier, male, 35, based in the US, resident physician, and average looking in my opinion. The very first thing he said to me was, "I wish there was a way to know beforehand whether a potential match loves her father or not.
Right. So when you see Baji's face, it's like, why would a man specifically want to know if a woman loves her father or not?
If you value family, then you're going to care about what her relationship is like with all of her family members, her siblings, her mother, all of that, how she treats them. Focusing on just the father is the first red flag in this.
So, it was a weird question, but I get weird questions sometimes. And I've also had many people ask for partners with good relationships with their families.
And so, this is what I responded. Hm. I can't screen for that. The only thing I can say is you can put it in your additional preferences section that they have a good relationship with their family and parents. If they don't, they may self- select themselves out. His response, great idea. I will right now.
Thank you. I then get another message from him. I've just watched a Tik Tok of Baji that made me write the following in my preferences. I mentioned that I wouldn't be able to accept a lady older than 25 regardless of my age at any point.
>> Okay. I wouldn't be able to accept a woman older than 25 regardless of how old I am. This man is already 35. What do we know factually?
What do we know about older men who seek younger women specifically? A lot of people will talk about not wanting the the baggage that comes with people who've been in multiple relationships as they get older, but most men are looking for control and compliance when it comes to seeking someone younger. Who you were at 22, if you're past 25, who you were at 21, 22, 23 is a completely different person than who you were at 28. or the perspective. Your personality is probably the same, but your perspective, your wisdom, your experience, there's so much to learn between 18 and 25 that by the time you're beyond that, you're you're different. You interact with the world differently. So, it's always a red flag when a man is seeking a younger woman. I can lecture for days about why.
I just want to acknowledge that Baji is doing the most challenging work connecting people. Now, this man is 35 going on 36. So, I responded, "I'll be honest. This will make finding adequate matches quite a bit harder. If you have flexibility on this or other things, let me know." And his response, "I know, but it's fine. I'll be patient. I'm not looking for perfect, just healthy.
She'll come. I'm flexible on almost everything." No, he's not. But, >> right. And and the use of the word healthy does doesn't The use of the word healthy to me is a red flag because what are you're talking about a match? You've not mentioned anything about physical wellness or you know what is this term unhealthy.
>> Healthy is the one thing you can't screen for on paper. So I stay open though I don't want to spend months getting to know someone only to watch it end the same predictable way. One thing I've noticed with age come more relationships and more heartbreak. And by the time someone's ready for something serious, she's often carrying a quiet checklist wanting the next person to match everything she liked and avoid everything she didn't across all her exes. I'm no >> I I think Good morning, cool bite girl.
I think it is such a strange thing when I hear people talk about not wanting to date someone because of past relationship trauma. I think I don't understand that. I I think I don't know.
Maybe it's because I have my own childhood trauma that I know that I worked on myself. And so just because somebody is coming with their own stuff, everybody's going to come with stuff. So just because people come with their relationship history, what it doesn't tell me, it doesn't tell me anything. And interacting with one person who has this long list of I won't do this and I won't do that and I don't like this and I don't like that based on their experience with previous relationships. I feel like that's information. I don't know. It I think it's it's important to be curious and have a conversation with folks when you're getting to know them about why they have the boundaries or the rules that they do when they're navigating dating. I I don't know. I've always dated men around my age, right? My boyfriend is the same age as me or slightly older, so I don't even I don't know. But I'm not in my 40s dating. I understand that. But we we all had relationships before we met each other if we're, you know, past 25, past 30 for sure. Why is that a dealbreaker? I I think that's one of the strangest dealers.
>> Different from any serious man, and I'm not interested in competing with a woman's past. That's why I lean towards someone healthy, which I think is more likely in someone younger, and someone who loves and respects her father. So, what do you guys think? Accepted or rejected?
Here is my response.
Okay. So, what about your age and by your own logic, your past based on your own standards, you are unhealthy. So, why is that double standard okay? Your reasoning and use of the word healthy is worrisome and I can't facilitate your search. I'll be refunding you and deleting your profile. May Allah guide you. Delete.
>> The man sounds like a predator. Did you get that from the way he was talking?
This man is a doctor. He's professional.
His language was very organized, put together. He was very direct, straightforward in what it was that he was looking for. That doesn't stop his actions probably being linked to controlling and manipulative behaviors.
There are certain words he said in the messages to her, right? The healthy, the respect and love for her father. All of those things are indicative of red flags and in Baji's case, not a good potential match for any of the women in her pool because she's probably inviting them to the lion's den if she pairs them with this man. I feel like it was subtle. I love that she does these and says, "Do you think I I, you know, included them or didn't include them?" But she has a lot. I think she's matched like thousands of people at this point. Not all of them lead to relationships, but that she's linked people together to then communicate on their own. I think when you are really in the field interacting with men and women, you get to see a lot of patterns. Now, I I think it's important for y'all to understand because I specialize in trauma. I've been to lots of domestic violence trainings. I've worked with abusers and offenders, and I've also worked with victims. So, I know exactly the kind of home environment that these folks grow up in. I know the the patterns. I know how things can escalate depending on whether people have mental health conditions or not because not everyone who's abusive has some kind of mental health condition. I know y'all want everybody, not y'all, right? Because I mean, y'all are here to learn, right, that not everybody's a narcissist. Some people are just mean. Some people are just terrible. Not everyone has a personality disorder. And some people can have narcissistic tendencies or traits or abusive tendencies and traits without being a full abuser. It's why, you know, I say any kind of name calling is verbal abuse. It doesn't mean the whole relationship is verbally abusive, but I think it's important to call things what they are. So I have a lot of experience with control, coercion, you know, working with people who've been in these environments and not just with romantic partners, also with parents, also with people in in the workplace, right? bosses cuz those people want the power over other people. The subtleties because if you looked if you all saw the video I did on the toxic parents who feel like, you know, they're saying we're not human, right? They're saying we can't have feelings. The lady that was in that video was talking very softspoken, right? But I just became more irate the more I listen to that because I can hear coercion. So coercion includes passive aggressive communication. They include ultimatums and they eventually include some kind of shaming language, right?
Whatever you want is really not a good idea and I'm going to make you feel bad for it. What ends up being actual coercion is something bad is going to happen if you don't do what I do. Right?
When we get to the point where I'm talking about the voice memo guy, it's not fully coercion because this is they're talking about they've only been on one date. There's not much to lose except the potential of a romantic connection.
But I want you to consider in the future if they did get into a relationship, what might there be to lose if this woman said, "I don't want to have sex with this guy tonight." Right? Cuz I also encourage you all tell the man no.
And not for any reason. You're not sick.
You're not on your period. You're not in pain. You're just not in the mood. How does he respond? I think it's important for you to know have that information about how does a man respond. You don't think it was subtle? I I feel like it wasn't subtle, but I think it's because I have this experience and maybe you are familiar with it, too. He sounded like a freak. He He sounded You said freak. Honestly, he sounded like Okay, I I wouldn't use the word freak, but he did sound like a predator. He sounded like a predator.
He sounded like a guy who wants to pay who who doesn't want to pay for sex. He s he sounds like the kind of guy that would pay for sex, but he hates like he has like a visceral hate that he has to pay to access sex. And he sounds like the kind of guy who would abuse a sex worker, right? Who would be violent with a sex worker. That's what he sounds like. Because then if he does have to pay, he feels even more entitled to somebody else's body. That's what he sounded like to me. the right the there's a subtle violence and you all understand the the person who is an abuser doesn't start off saying name calling and and physical violence in the first days right it's it's things like this the the what he left in the voice memo so I had saved a video from a woman honestly when I look at her now I think of Kendra you know the Kendra who's in love her psychiatrist um but this woman is adamant that there were no red flags in her relationship and there are always red flags. When I listen to observations with my eyes, she's on TikTok. She's so particular about how she gives information and not wanting too much energy exchange with people, but I love her perspective. And she in response to this video, she said, "You needed a financial not financial, a forensic accountant because a man being able to leave so easily is a red flag." Like that's it says a lot about what was not shared in your relationship, right? The longer and more serious your relationship, the more information you should have and the harder it should be for that person to leave because you all have built a life together. But if you all have never built a life together because you've never required certain information from him, then what what do you have?
>> Not much. Okay.
>> Of like defensiveness, wanting to know what signs they should look out for to avoid.
>> Whenever I tell people that my husband just left for a trip one day and never came back, the first question they ask me without fail is, "What were the red flags that you missed?" And even though I understand why people are asking it, it's a frustrating question. It comes >> uh your husband left on a trip and never came back.
Do you know the stories of women who plan to leave an abusive relationship and they do a lot of things in secret?
Not that her husband felt like he was being abused. This man probably didn't want to be married. I I I have to do some research on the statistics for men who just exit marriages. I really believe there are a lot of men who do not want to be married. They just want the perks of marriage. But the actual being a husband, they hate it. I think they hate it. I think it's at least half of men who just hate being a husband and having to do things. That's what I think. So, he probably got married because he was expected to and realize, I don't really want to do this anymore.
And some men voice that. I don't really want to do this anymore. Some men do that in action. And some men file for divorce. Some men just leave. That that is the truth. But there are always signs of a unhappy person. No. from a place of like defensiveness, wanting to know what signs they should look out for to avoid this incredibly heartbreaking situation that I found myself in. It makes sense they'd want to know. And if I had information to share with them, I would.
But I don't because there really weren't any red flags. There was nothing that would have indicated that this is how he would have behaved or when we got married, he would change so drastically.
And it's really difficult to answer because basically complete strangers will feel comfortable asking me this question, which I think is insane.
Honestly, not only is the answer much >> I don't think it's insane. I think it's natural. What did he show you in the beginning that you ignored? There is something we want to know if you have the insight, if you've learned from it, if you reflected. There was I think a video I did, what was the video about where I had a clip of Verique, the therapist, and she was saying [clears throat] people were asking her, "Oh, were you blindsided by your husband wanting a divorce or, you know, your your marriage ending?" And in the beginning, she was saying, "Yes, I had no idea." Okay. But when she really thought about it, the man told her, I think a week or two before the wedding, "I don't think I want to do this. I don't think this is what's for me. I I don't think I'm ready for this." And she says, "Well, you better get ready."
That's one of the red flags. And I'm sure there were behaviors that accompanied a man voicing, I don't really feel ready to get married.
Really, he's saying, "I don't want to marry you." That honestly, that's more than a red flag. It's a man rejecting you. Did this man say something like that to you? Who knows? Because a lot of women pressure men into marriage because there are a lot of social benefits to being married. I don't think they're worth your quality of life. But here we are.
>> More complicated for me to explain to like a complete stranger. But also, it's never the answer they want. Not only have I gone over our relationship in my mind so many times with multiple different therapists, but I also know how I felt in the moment because I took stock of the relationship in the moment and specifically made a note to remember how I felt. I rem I'm concerned because she does mention therapist again going over the relationship with multiple different therapists.
I recently I have heard a number of terrible therapists stories and I know most therapists are you know pretty competent and qualified but [clears throat and cough] there are a lot of therapists that are not. I I don't know what to say. I I started working with a client who there was substance abuse happening and I'm like I don't understand how your previous therapist didn't c I don't I don't I don't know how this was missed. I'm trying to figure out like how is this a thing that was missed missed right and maybe it's right my trauma training maybe it's I worked in juvenile detention centers so there are a lot of things that I know I don't know maybe it's just that I love psychology and I wanted to consume every piece of of information I could possibly consume there's still a lot of things I don't know but I'm aware of those gaps and where to find that information [clears throat] so if she came to If this lady came to me, I am pretty sure I could help her understand what the red flags were, what it was that she missed. Because a lot of times it's not what just what was done, it's what was not said, right? Did you have access to his bank accounts? Did you have access to his parents? How does um how does a husband leave?
You didn't call his mother. I like Are your lives not intertwined that a man could just leave? Okay.
>> Remember waking up so often feeling so incredibly grateful for the relationship I was in, feeling so supportive, so loved, so happy, and thinking to myself, "Wow, Alex, >> the fe feelings are one part. Feelings are one part. A relationship is more than feelings."
>> [clears throat] >> She also has an incentive to really believe she couldn't have predicted this. Is the incentive telling this story on social media? Because there are a lot of comments in her video saying the same thing. Oh my god, we didn't know. Oh, oh my god, they keep trying to tell me that there are red flags. I just didn't know. Right. I I think that fosters the the helplessness, like the learned helplessness. Like if sometimes we will never be able to see red flags, then we'll never know if we're going into the lion's den. Like there's no predicting this. Like I didn't do anything wrong when you ignored red flags. That's the thing you did wrong and and you were unaware of what was going on.
I think it's important to become aware that you have to test men. I don't really mean test, but you have to let a man prove who he is to you through his actions over time. You don't just go based on how he makes you feel. Okay? A marriage definitely takes more than love. Love is not enough. We need we need money. We need to know what chores people are doing. We need to know how people, you know, regulate themselves, how people problem solve, how are people spending money. What is your relationship like with your family?
Emerg is more than just the feelings you feel when you're in bed with a man.
Zor, what are you talking about?
>> This is incredible. You feel so safe, so comfortable, so happy in this relationship. You have to remember how you feel now because if you ever start waking up not feeling this way, like you'll know that it's time to reevaluate and it might be time to leave. I used to tell people and specifically my therapist when we talk about this, like, I will have him as long as he will have me. So, no, I'm not looking.
>> I will have him as long as he will have me.
>> [clears throat] >> What does that tell you?
Is he the is he the decision maker in the relationship? They say the person who can say no in the relationship has the most power, right? The one who can walk away more easily.
It very much sounds like he's the prize.
I felt like I was so lucky to have him.
I probably didn't give him a hard time.
I think you all should give men a hard time. I probably didn't ask him hard questions. I probably didn't have high expectations of him because as long as he would have me, I would be here.
That's all. I just needed him to continue picking me. That's not Oh gosh.
Back on this relationship with rosecolored glasses. And that's why I think that storyline about Karev and Grace Anatomy just up and leaving one day is so important because it happens sometimes and that's what the risk of love. Remember remember Belle Burden and how out of nowhere her husband had a mistress and wanted to leave the relationship.
It was not out of nowhere. The woman didn't realize she documented the red flags in her video and in a video in her book. She documented all of the red flags that she ignored and most of them were financial.
Does that make sense? Like you you need to know I tell people you should know what is happening financially and even if there are things that you are not financially responsible in for in the relationship you should have an awareness of it. Who do we pay rent to?
Who do we pay the mortgage to? You should know those things. What account is it coming out of if you if you do not have that information? That's a red flag because why wouldn't that man offer that information to you?
I think to protect your ego. Yeah. It's not a nice feeling to think you had a hand in something bad happening to you.
Yes. Right. And I'm not a victim blaming person. I just say in these kind of dynamics, there is a role that one person played to keep it going. There is something that you ignored. There's something you didn't pay attention to.
There's something you you didn't say directly that contributed to you being blindsided blindsided by your husband just going on a trip and leaving you cuz he don't want to be with you anymore.
Girl, what?
Okay.
>> Is sometimes there won't be a way to tell if something is going to end badly.
>> There's always a way. I This is to empower you. This is not to blame her for the man leaving, but I think it's important to have a heads up on if you what if she was not financially secure, then she would be destitute because a man just felt like he just didn't want to be married one day. It is important to be aware.
You have to just try and see. And sometimes people grow and change in ways that you can never expect. Sometimes they don't even expect. And it doesn't mean that one person is horrible and one person is amazing. It just means that humans make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes >> a man leaving I don't know if she's saying the mistake for herself for not knowing a man abandoning his family. I don't think they have kids but abandoning his wife is not just like a human mistake. Right? This is like the difference between a parent who is abusive and a parent who's 10 minutes late to pick up their child. We are not the same. We are not the same. I would never do anything like this to somebody that I say I love.
This is emotional neglect at the highest level. Abusive in its form to abandon a wife like that. That's this is not typical. This is not normal. There is absolutely nothing healthy about this are too great to overcome. In my situation, there was a specific like chain of events that basically like after they happened, my husband acted completely differently. And what happened after we got married and like how my husband behaved after the fact is not something I've really shared on TikTok. that is between me and my therapist at the moment. Thank you very much. Um, but before that, it was a wonderful relationship and I am extremely grateful to have had the opportunity to receive that kind of love and I'm extremely sad that it's gone. I personally am not religious or spiritual. I do not think everything happens for a reason. I do not think that there's signs in the universe. I don't think we >> I don't think I don't think this matter.
I don't even know why she's saying this.
I feel like people who think things don't happen for any reason don't have to say. Sometimes there's no, you could just say sometimes there's no reason for anything.
I think there was a very clear reason for this though.
>> If he did X and he never really felt Y.
Like these are all things in my opinion to regain control about something like to demystify something that is inherently mysterious. We don't know the answer and sometimes we just have to live with that. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't and it's not because of these greater meanings. It's because humans are fallible and sometimes the harm is too great to overcome or too complicated for people to be able to handle with the tools and the education that they have at that time. I really wish that we had been better equipped to be able to figure it out, but unfortunately we >> I wish we had maybe that's her trying to take some accountability.
I wish you were better equipped. I I wish you did have some insight into what you did or didn't do, but not so much.
So, no, there really weren't red flags.
There's nothing that I can point to and say, "Ah, this is the thing I missed."
Trust me, I would love it if there were.
But I've been in therapy twice a week at least, sometimes three times, sometimes four for over two and a half years now.
And I've been to multiple therapists.
And yeah, if we were going to find the red flags, I think we would have found her by now.
>> It's very rare.
It's very rare that any person needs to be in therapy two times two times a week. No. Mary Mary Sparkles, I think this response is very ego- centered. I agree. I mean, I completely agree. It's it's very much I don't I don't want to take any blame or any accountability for this. This is just a thing that happened to me. There was no way I was going to find out.
There was no way I could predict this.
There were no signs at all. I'm absolved of any participation in this. I don't think the therapist is I agree. I agree. I am so curious what type of therapist she might be going to.
But a therapist who says it's okay for you to come to see me two or three times a week. I'm concerned about in in the last year I've only had one client that I saw twice a week. She was coming out of impatient. So that makes sense. Are is this lady coming out of impatient? If not, you do not need therapy two times a week. You do not you don't you don't any therapist that is because sometimes clients come with like a lot of emotional vulnerability like they they just feel so overwhelmed and disregulated and I just need support. I need support. I need support. I wonder what therapy is like for her.
I think she just talks and they Mhm.
Wow. That's probably what it is.
Especially when she says she has had multiple therapists. Yeah. I I think it's probably like tell me what you're feeling today.
Not not I mean I often start with the emotions wheel at the beginning of session. So it's not that I'm making a joke about feelings. Feelings are important. But if the session is basically let's just blame this man for not being honest. Yeah. She may have had emergency issues or is very much in distress now. Maybe it does sound like she was looking for a yes person. I think they were signs. I think if I asked her questions, I would be able to understand what tell me, right? I ask clients to tell me, "What's your love story? How did you all meet? What was it like? Tell me what your first date was."
They'll just describe it to me and I'll point out the red flags. They likely have shared their insight on where she has room for growth and she has dismissed them probably because you can only take people as far as they're willing to go, you know, in the the steps for change. Some people are aware that there is some need for change. some people who are not and she does not seem like she's really interested in the change. Okay, let's get to the the voice memo guy.
Any video that you saw somebody talk about the voice memo guy where they were alluding to coercion or they talked about coercion, they probably were spot on. any video that you saw where people were talking about he he was giving her an option. It wasn't that big of a deal or any video because I'm gonna play a video after the voice memo where um a creator is talking about sex workers who are reviewing the voice memo guy. Sex workers see relationships and sex differently. And so there were some people talking about how you all just hate sex. You all just want to shame people for having sex.
This that is that is like 0% accurate.
The the shaming for sex is a completely different conversation than what's happening with the voice memo guy.
>> Physical intimacy had a good time tonight. Definitely think you are lovely. Um however I would >> wait. It's important to know the woman already said how do we know this is confirmed for true? I don't know. I I saw it somewhere. The the woman already said she was unsure about sex with this guy before he left this voice memo. So he already had the conversation with her maybe in person, maybe in text about sex and she wasn't sure. Right? Consent is an enthusiastic yes or it's no. All the gray area before an enthusiastic yes is no. The only way to fully consent is to be I'm so excited and ready for this. That does not have to be with the word yes. It just has to mean the person is actively engaged in wanting to share bodies.
It's fair to say that she would not expect this to happen to her. Of course, at the same time, her not asking how did I miss this indicates an issue that was there much longer than she was. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, this voice note was disgusting. Yes, the people defending it are deeply strange. Deeply strange.
Deeply strange. They are deeply listen some of them I watched and I was like how did you get there?
Are you well you know I did a video on the the women who support Chris Brown and Usher. So I understand there are a lot of misogynistic women.
The woman agreeing with him are similar to the women saying they were never flies. I think so too. This is why I've grouped them together. You see me? This is why I thought it was so I was like I've been saving this video from that woman. I'm like I don't know how to really talk about this without just like talking about her. Whipping it all together. These are the women that are missing the red flags. They the women who said there's no red flags. Got voice memos from guys like this and we're saying there were no red flags. He just asked me if I wanted to have sex. She would describe this to me and I would be like you don't see what's wrong with that. That's And now he's hitting you.
You didn't see the link to now he's pressuring you for sex, right?
Repeatedly asking a woman for sex is coercion after she said no or expressed hesitation.
Oy. So, he has a very calm voice in this video. The woman has already rejected him for sex. And then this he follows up with this.
>> Love to if we're going to go to your place on Thursday. I mean, I >> I hate that the the music is on in the background with this cuz it it it it adds something that I think distracts from the video. Um, distracts from the voice memo, but just pretend that the music isn't there or that it's maybe more sinister music cuz, you know, music often tells people how to feel. It shocked me to learn that there is another voice note out there just like this. This is a template for possible deniability. I I think so, too. Yeah.
Yeah. I I think I think lawyers have come out talking about how there are men predators who said, "But look, she was she was interested. She said she wanted to in the text message two days before, but consent is moving. You can remove consent in the middle of sex, right?
He's in you. You feel a pain or you're uncomfortable. You don't want to do this anymore. I Okay, I'm ready to stop. You can stop there."
and he's supposed to stop. If he continues, then that's rape. Yes. A similar thing for, you know, when men take off their their I heard stories about men taking off their um condom in the middle of sex.
That's also assault.
>> I am looking to have that um physical intimacy um to see if like I am sexually compatible with.
>> He first starts out with sexual intimacy. Notice how the words will change later. I'm looking for to see sexual intimacy. So, I was showing my boyfriend um pictures from my New York trip in my phone and he happened to happen. I didn't show like say, "Oh, listen to this." I already knew what he would think about this. But since it was right next to one of my pictures, he started listening to it and he started laughing like, "What is wrong with this guy? What what's wrong with this guy?"
because he understands what control sounds like.
So that was his first response to it.
This guy is controlling and he's trying to like make sure that sex is going to be there. He's trying to like 100% glad that, you know, somebody's going to be able to have sex with him, that he can predict that this is going to happen.
Yeah. I still wait still thing. Yeah.
Yeah. How didn't you Well, these these men um I still can't understand how you can easily demand access to the body of someone you barely know.
Some people are connecting it to hookup culture. I honestly just hook um hook it up. I honestly connect it to just misogyny. I'm glad he's Yes. Yes. My my boyfriend is an advocate for women. The man is still a man. He's from the Congo.
Um but he's definitely an advocate for women. There there is a new documentary that came out about domestic violence where they're interviewing the men who are physical abusers of women have done some of the most violent things violent things to women and I I'm not necessarily encouraging you to go listen to that but it's spoton in their thought process. There are some men who have internalized the belief that women are objects, right? Women are Let me let me come back.
Some men really believe women are objects. You are here to serve me. You have no agency. You have feelings. I don't care about your feelings. You were put on this earth to serve me and do whatever I want. Every time a woman doesn't act in that manner because you were told a lie, men get angry. The men who believe this, misogynistic men, violent men, they get angry. So demanding access to your body, I feel entitled to it. You're supposed to give it to me. Don't you know? How dare you say? How dare you say no? It's why the men get so angry at like Only Fans or having having to pay. It's so disturbing. But there are some men who fully believe you are nothing. You are here for me to use. I like the way Erica Dairo puts it. She says they they masturbate with a woman's body. They're not sharing a sexual experience with you. They're using women as objects.
It's so it's so right. And for those of us who understand that some men are misogynistic and some men are very abusive, you can feel it in this voice memo. guy. This is a man that probably is choking people, probably is threatening, probably has like a temper tantrum if he's not getting sex.
You can you can predict the am the the increase of violence or coercion that comes after a voice bubble like this that is happening after D1.
It's so disturbing.
My ex would have said, "I don't like these discussions because I wouldn't like if my bad day or my mistake was on display for people to dissect.
I really thought that was a benevolent take on things." No, I wouldn't. No, it's not a benevolent take. But being dismissive in this way about something that clearly affects your partner is a red flag, honestly. Yes. Yes. America, you know, one of those um very logical and very educational spots on the internet, right? She has so many sayings that I've, you know, incorporated. Um, but yeah, no, you want someone who's going to speak up about misogyny, right?
Most men are silent. It's a critique I've had for a while. When the the Black Manifair started to like gain traction, I said we need more men who are actually loving. So, like Kev on stage, I mean, I saw I saw somebody posted a thread of him talking about mental health and what it's like to go viral, but Kev on stage is a really good example of what we need more of. There are not a lot of men like Kev on stage who have unlearned a lot of patriarchy, deconstructed his religion, and is actively loving on people and speaking out about it. Most men are not doing that. They've maybe un unpacked their patriarchy, the misogyny, but then they just keep it to themselves. They don't they don't necessarily advocate for women or Yeah. or or challenge men or challenge people's thinking or say, "Nah, bro, you wrong for that. That's not really how it's supposed to go." So, somebody kind of dismissing, "Oh, I wouldn't want my mistakes to be."
Are you out here doing misogyny, too?
that you want to have excuses, right?
You think about all the abusers like, you know, the Trey Songs and the Chris Browns and the Diddies. All of the people making excuses for them. The men were often violent and that's why they were making excuses for them. See, I took my part in. See, yes, you did. How a red flag slide with the last man. It hurts to recognize where you betrayed yourself, but it is an integral part of maturity. I completely agree. And part of partnering, I don't want to make it sound like it's just men. Part of existing in this society is acknowledging the ways that we were brainwashed. I had to unlearn patriarchy. I used to hate the color pink for no reason. No reason. The reason was it was a representation for femininity to me. And femininity has been demonized in our society. And so I had to unlearn that.
Right. My boyfriend grew up in the Congo. There are some practices and beliefs that he held before he started actually engaging in relationships with women that were probably detrimental, hurtful to other people. He had to unlearn that. I I think it's sort of less about whether they have had or have these beliefs or and more about after they've been presented with this information, are they then going to unlearn it? Are they then going to take the perspective of, oh, it's important for women to have their own agency, or are they just going to spend their the rest of their 20s and their 30s and and further viewing women as objects or viewing women as being in service to men? Right?
My video I have on on when I was in an abusive relationship, I thought it was my duty to support a man through his bad behavior. Isn't that what we're taught to do? Isn't that kind of what Christianity, not necessarily the Bible, but isn't that what the church encourages? Stand by your man no matter what.
I I grew up in this system, too. So, I take my own responsibility. That's what you'll see a lot of on my channel. My own accountability. It does not mean I deserved to be abused. It does not mean it was my fault. It wasn't. But I participated in the harm that was happening. Yeah. He is often in the presence of men like that, but he challenges them sometimes, right? It's it's a hard thing to challenge your friends or other men when part of their bonding is around misogyny. I asked him if that's a mistake he would make and he resonates with and he resonates with that and he would say I never said that.
Yeah, he was so uncommunicated but he wants partnership. Uh he probably wants support more than more than partnership.
Yeah, same here. That's why I was with him for as long as I was. Yeah, some people really do grow. Okay, boys guy.
Um, so like if I'm going to come [music] over, like I would be hoping to like hook up, have sex, have a good time, have like that romantic spark and that physical spark there.
>> That romantic spark, that physical spark. That romantic spark.
What does that mean? Right? That's what I would want to know. This man doesn't even know if the woman has STD or HIV.
Right? The men never really seem to care. He doesn't even think about the dangers to which he can expose himself by doing so. I hope that for his sake that ex grows because he's going to make a woman's life hell. Which ex? Your ex or my ex?
I was thinking about doing a story time on my ex from my um members. [snorts] Um Tenica B recently did a video on what she call it something about losers. Why are y'all flattered by losers?
I just love how she framed that video.
Exactly. I think he's okay with that because it wouldn't even be his fault.
Yeah. Right. No need to no sex isn't needed to feel a romantic spark. I think what people are wanting is physical attraction. But you know that in the first meeting of somebody, right? I tell y'all in the first few dates, you should be like, "Yeah, you should feel attracted, sexually attracted and aroused by the person you're around. Otherwise, stop.
Mine. yours too because I don't care. I don't care what happened to them.
Um, for my own sake um because it's hard for me to continue dating if dating someone and seeing them if I don't know if I'm sexually compatible. So um I know you said I don't know about that. So like I guess >> Right. Okay. So it's in the video where he says I don't know if he says I know you already said girl. What did he just say?
I started reading your comments and thinking, um, I know you said you don't know about that, right? So, she's already said, and this is often the way women say no. Hey, do you want to go to my place later? Oh, I don't know. That's that's a way of saying no. That's part of the un the ambiguous gray area of no. It's either an enthusiastic yes or it's no. So, her saying, "Oh, I don't know about that," is her saying no. Men know that, right?
We're talking about neurotypical men. A neurody divergent man might need to be taught that. But a neurotypical man knows, I don't know, a koi, uh, a turning away, a bashfulness, a hesitation. He knows it means no. This man doesn't care. So, you understand?
There's all this implicit I don't know.
There's there's all this nonverbal. A lot of our communication with other people is non-verbal. There's all of this that we don't get from this voice note. But some of the way he's describing, you already asked this woman for sex. She said no. Her I don't know is a no. She said no. Why are you asking again after a first date? Why are you asking again? If it's so important to you to have sex before the second date or to have sex as soon as possible because, okay, I tell y'all, I don't say necessarily wait in order to have sex, but you need to know that there's some emotional investment. So, delay sex. I strongly encourage delaying sex. A man who is pressuring you for sex in the beginning.
I feel like that man is harmful.
I know you said you don't know about that. About about what?
Um that's a safe way to say no to avoid being assaulted or harmed. I agree. It's it's like the women who say I have a boyfriend when they don't want to give their number to a man because we know men are violent. We know men do not like rejection and it's just hard to predict whether this man is going to be violent or not. And so instead of saying a direct no, right, in a in a strategy to be safe, you say, well, I'm not sure, you know, maybe.
Yeah. It already shows his selfishness and as you said, the objectification of the woman. Yes. So I think a lot of people who are not thinking about the non-verbals, who are not thinking about what is being suggested, are just taking what he's saying at face value and not thinking too deeply about what it looks like.
He said, "I know you said you don't know. I need you to go to that scenario even though it's it's like half of a sentence. I know you said you don't know or you're unsure, right?" Okay. go back to that in your mind and you think about that interaction. He's sitting with her at dinner at the bar. He alludes to sex.
He starts, you know, making sexual innuendos or suggesting, "Oh, you want to take it to my place? You right." And her response is, "I don't know." Or something koi or something that expresses hesitation. You have to envision all of that.
And then he follows up with more requests for sex.
It's so disturbing.
It is so it is so disturbing.
But I know everybody's not a psychologist and everybody is not I guess aware of the insidious parts of of men or the different ways that misogyny and coercion can look like what what did y'all think Diddy was like on our first date?
[snorts] He probably was disrespectful to his staff. He probably was disrespectful to the weight staff. But he treated you like a queen. But the I I promise you the red flags are there.
>> My thing is is like what would be the point of me [music] coming over then if we're not going to like hook up and >> for a date? The only way you want to do a date is if you're able to hook up.
That that is [sighs] so disturbing. Here's my thing. Would you take out a loan for a business deal if the person you are looking to team up with says, "Oh, I don't know about that." Exactly. That would be foolish. I completely agree. I completely agree.
>> Like cuddle and like be intimate with each other. Um and if that's what you don't want, that's fine. But like I think we should just like end it here then respectfully. Just because >> saying the word respectfully does not mean the action is respectful.
This voice memo is disrespectful.
Ending this respectfully would have been saying, "Hey, it was nice meeting you, but I don't think we're a good fit. I'm going to move on." That would be actual respectful behavior.
Leaving this longass voice memo for a woman who's already rejected you for sex is disrespectful.
It's disrespectful.
Okay, I was going to incite violence, but okay, calm down.
They're even saying that because she invited him to her home that she was sending mixed signals. like what are folks on? See, I wouldn't I wouldn't her behavior probably I wouldn't I just want to say I wouldn't frame it as mixed signals to me. It's I I heard um there's a creator on Tik Tok who is a licensed therapist.
What is her name? She I want to say her name. Um she was doing a video on women who often walk into the lion's den. She said it recently and so I was thinking about the lion's den. Women who because of their past engage in very risky behaviors.
Well, hold on cuz I'm so small. Um, her name Dr. Natalie Jones, right? I don't know if she's licensed as a psychologist. Um, but she says she's a licensed therapist, but she has her sight. She was doing a video talking about how and and I talk about this too.
part of the accountability that I encourage women, right? So, I talk about toxic abusive relationships and how there are some women who have been raped multiple times. There's some women who in relationship after relationship after relationship are with toxic men. Insert Cardi B. Cuz how even the man she's casually associated with is literally the same person as Stefon Digs.
Literally the same person as the man she married. They're literally the same person. How does a person pick the same person over and over? there's something in them, right? There's the issues that they have. There's a situation they're trying to recreate. So, I would not call it mixed signals, right? I would never say to a client who's sitting across from me, "Well, you sent him mixed singles." I don't think I would say that at all. I don't think your signals were mixed. I think you were hopeful that he would respect your boundaries. I think you were hopeful that this could be a good good connection because you were attracted to him. You really enjoyed the conversation. You felt good when you were with him. You felt comfortable.
whatever is what you were looking for when you invited him over. But it is a risky behavior because this man is coercive and probably violent, verbally violent, physically vi, I don't know.
This is probably a man who would abuse you in some form or fashion. You you didn't know that, but it's hard for you to see the red flags because you're so used to the chaos. You're so used to proving yourself. You're so used to giving abusers chances that you just invited him over, right? Because maybe you're trying to recreate this experience. Maybe you do have an experience in the past where you were assaulted or taken advantage of and now you feel like I know better. I have more information, right? I know I can get him to leave. If something does happen, I can get him to leave. I can end the date early. I can Right? But they they fail to think far enough ahead or to think think as I don't know not negatively right either you give a man the benefit of the doubt or you you think of the worst case scenario. They fail to think of the worst case scenario that might happen if you invite a man like this over. You have no idea. You don't know him.
You don't know him. So his behaviors are are going to be unpredictable to you.
You'll have no idea what is going to happen.
I had a guy ghost me because I wasn't on the same track sexually as he was. It was clear that he wanted to engage in sex, but I did not. I blocked him and bolstered my boundaries thereafter. Yes, I feel like that's the only appropriate way to respond to men like this. If a if a man is pressuring sex before the first date, after the first date, before date three, at any point if a man is pressuring for sex, alluding to sex, leaving passive aggressive messages about how you're not having sex, right?
He's probably having sex with somebody else, which I don't know before before you assume a man is having sex while you all are are dating, he probably might be having sex still. Uh but by the time you all are talking about exclusivity, if he's still leaving, you know, passive aggressive comments, I I would this you want to deal with that for your whole relationship. A man who's leaving passive aggressive comments about about sex and and feeling entitled to your body.
That just sounds so terrible to me.
>> I first date that's fine. Like you want to get to know each other. I'm all about that. But like I am looking to have that physical aspect there. And I don't want to continue seeing someone if I don't know if that's good if if that's not there or not. So up to you. Let me know.
I'm happy to um if you do want me to come over, I'm I'm happy to do so. Would love to [ __ ] have a good time and >> physical intimacy. [ __ ] After a first date with a man, I don't want any man talking to me talking about he's ready to [ __ ] Am I a sex doll?
What?
And they switch up how they treat you as a means of getting what they want.
Cat Black said that man sounds so inexperienced like he doesn't get much and wouldn't give much either.
I don't know that he sounds inexperienced. I I think he has particular sexual interests.
Uh do you know what I mean?
I think this man likes to do certain things.
I don't know. I don't know what, but I imagine they might feel disrespectful. I know you're talking about this video.
I think he likely engages with women's bodies in a disrespectful manner. I think he has experience. I think he's had multiple sex partners and I think it's been an issue in his past relationships or situationships, whatever. Yeah.
I don't know if he's violent or not, right? I don't even know if he's This doesn't sound like a BDSM person. Folks who engage in BDSM, BDSM, right?
Domination, B, like all those things usually have really healthy boundaries.
Sex is a fantasy for them. And so they only want to engage with people who are in on the fantasy.
He don't even sound like that. He just sounds like he wants to use a body.
And it's been an issue in the past because people don't like being used.
Yeah, I think I heard somebody talk about I don't know if this has anything to do with it. Gay gay men having sex and the how the hookup culture of gay men is sort of different than the hookup culture with women because gay men usually are much more direct and upfront with their requests for sex. They don't sound like this though. This is disturbing, right? men who are having sex with men, it's almost implied, right? If you're on a hookup app, we don't need to have this long journal. I don't have to convince you to have sex. We know what we're here for and so we're going to do it. If you're on a dating site and you're with a woman who wants to go on dates to get to know somebody, you should not be trying to just do a hookup. Go and do hookups, then yes, they have to have healthy boundaries. That's one of the tenants of BDSM from what I understand.
Right. That's from what I understand, too.
this guy.
>> You know, we can have some wine, hang out, and chill. But if you're not trying to hook up, then like I think we should just uh go our separate ways. Let me know.
>> And so I hope that she left him on Red.
I don't Did y'all get the story of what happened to after like after I I hope she blocked him and and didn't engage with him again. I've heard that too. Men have sex with men who do sound like that typically have a power imbalance. Yes. Like if the guy is much older, they would sound like this. Yes.
Yeah. Because it really is about power and control and coercion. So there are the the plausible deniability in his voice memo makes it hard to say he is being coercive, right?
But that's kind of that's who he is.
I am basing this on patterns. I'm basing this on his specific language choices that this probably is a man who would be coercive with sex because she rejected him already. He's asking again. He started talking about physical intimacy, chilling, and then we just want to [ __ ] And I just want to know if we're compatible sexually. I think that's code for I have very specific sexual interests and I want to know if you're okay with those. when he could have a conversation about what kind of sex do you like? Here's what kind of sex that I like. But that would be too much of a even even playing field. That would be too much like partnership, too much like uh collaboration, and that's not really what he's looking for.
He's probably looking for more of the domination. So, I have one video.
You know, I I think there's always something to learn from people. So, this is a young person in this video and who's had a lot of life experience. I think specific life experience and perspective even though she's young and there I think there's always something to learn from other people. Not everybody can't teach me about psychology per se, but there are people from a lot of different walks of life who I found I find very engaging and interesting and this is one of those um women. I had a friend who was getting hit on by older men at the club in the club and it was super gross. Yeah, they're gross. We were the same age and I was just as inexperienced. friend would get mad if I didn't pull him away, but would get mad if I did.
[gasps] Partly because part of the system, right, patriarchy, misogyny, you want to be desired but not objectified.
So, I get it. You know, I get it. I used to go to the club with my friend and men used to grab her ass. We were young. I now if a man did that, I would go berserk. You'd see the crazy side of me come out. But when it happened, when we were so young, right? I'm talking like 21.
We were just shocked. Right. You just give them a snarky face and ju just like make eye contact with each other like I cannot believe that happened. But they it's kind of so normalized now. I think I don't know. I feel like that's a little bit different now. There's much less cat calling than when I was younger. It was an interesting case. My old therapist suspected he had BPD. [snorts] You know, when you all say BPD, I always wonder if you mean bipolar or borderline personality. And I I wonder if that's a me thing because in as psychologists we say PDs, but I wonder too that's a whole other thing. Borderline. Okay. Um, yeah. He realized that he was very much exploring his sexuality and was being young and dumb. Yeah.
Okay. Let's listen to this young this young lady had the same take when it notice how Inara and Nia had the same take when it >> I don't know Inara, but I do know Nia. I I mean, I don't follow Nia on TikTok, but Nia is a sex worker.
She look I don't know if she's talked about neurode divergence but you know she looks like she thinks differently from most people right I can't diagnose anyone from far away she she looks like she engages with the world in a different way than most people I I I like to listen to people you know hear some perspectives that are outside of my own in her lived experience and what sounds like a difference in seeing the world uh I I don't really see her on my for you page anymore because I think she's had some really bad takes on things and I was just like I don't know girl what I wouldn't use those terms but he did. Who is Nia? Nia is a Tik Tok content creator.
Um, but I hope I do not get my blood.
Um, you might. The video that she did, she spec this is a direct response to the video that Nia did and I watched Nia's video first and I was like, "Girl, where did you get this? How did you get there from there? What are you talking about?" None of this has to do with women not being open to their own sexuality. None of this has to do with that. She just Oh, it was a wild take.
It was one of the wildest takes I saw about this. She basically saw nothing wrong with the voice memo guy. Honestly, I feel like that's because she probably engages with men who talk to her like this. Right? Didn't I say at the beginning the man sounds like he pays for sex? He sounds like he resents having to pay for sex. But if he is requesting sex in this way from a sex worker, right, there's going to be less of the I know you said you were unsure, right?
He's not going to include that part in his message. He's just going to say, "Yeah, it was nice seeing you. I'd like to set up a time for next time." He's going to do it the same way, but because this is a sex worker, you already know sex is that's the that's the transaction exchange you're looking for. I think she was listening to it as if this was a John like as if this was a guy requesting sex from her and so what's the big deal? Yeah, I give sex or that's what I do for you know part of my income right? No shame to sex workers. Sex work is legitimate work, but there are not tears, but there are differences in the way sex workers engage. And even a sex worker can be misogynistic and allow herself to be objectified and disrespected by men.
>> Came to that voice note. I'm not being funny. Sit here with me and observe.
When that [ __ ] Nia got up on here and she >> Okay, she do say [ __ ] a lot, but I I hope you understand from the presentation. Let's just let's work past some of the wording, right? And the optics. Her her perspective is based on her life experience. And I do think there's something valuable here.
>> I mean, but isn't everything kind of made of ultimatums? And it's not.
Everything is not made of of ultimatums.
But I do think that's a very dichomous black and white way of thinking about things. And so being okay with somebody giving you an ultimatum for sex, for my body, get out of here. That kind of looseness in language, that kind of looseness and the understanding of words, that gray area being created.
[ __ ] that's how you bag a trick. [ __ ] out of here. Ain't nobody done, [ __ ] I'm my mama. [ __ ] I live on the West Coast. I live on the West Coast.
Anybody? And I love the West Coast. This probably why I really enjoy this video, too. Right. She's talking about a specific culture, pimp culture, where they're very slick talking and they can sound like they care about you or they can sound like they're advocating for you, but really they're just manipulating and using you. That's what she's talking about. And how even this man with his professional sounding, you know, words and and stringing these sentences together was basically doing the same thing. Can I use you? Can I use you without saying those words >> in Vegas, California? Any of that [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] that is 304 talk. That is pimp talk. That kind of looseness and understanding of words, that gray area purposefully being created.
That's the type of [ __ ] that you have to do when regulating weirdos or or or when you're trying to convince somebody, persuade somebody that something is worth it so that they can pay for it. What would you have to do?
So, you all understand a pimp doesn't start with coercion, right? A person who's exploiting a woman, the the the kind of the kind of the kind of woman who gets trafficked isn't beaten up on the first meeting. Do you understand?
It's very charismatic men who first engage in a sexual relationship with that woman. You're my woman. I treat you well, well, whatever. I give you money or resources and we share bodies. But really, it's all a priming for the abuse that comes next, the exploitation that comes next. And if you really love me, you'll have sex with this other guy and this other guy and this other guy and this other guy.
And then a woman finds herself trapped in sex trafficking because to keep it going, then he will use coercion and he will use violence against you. In the beginning, he wasn't doing that. But I think I really think she she has >> have to become a car salesman, [ __ ] You got to get real fancy with words to get a [ __ ] to pay for something that they have access to. When you got to convince somebody to pay for something that the whole world has convinced them is dirty or wrong or or or or um immoral, right? Something that they shouldn't even want. When you have to convince somebody to pay for something that they have been told they shouldn't even want, what do you have to do?
You got to get real fancy with the words. You got to get real lenient. Gray area and loose with the words that you use. And baby, this kind of talk, I mean, isn't everything really an ultimatum?
[ __ ] that's how you bag a trick. And and I said this in a comment before, but I'mma say it again. Be very mindful of who you take advice from and why you take it and what you will use it for.
Because you have to understand people give you advice based on how they navigate the world. And if you taking advice from sex workers, okay? Okay.
Right. No shame to the sex workers, but even the the lady at the beginning of the video um the beginning of the live who said there were no red flags, right?
So, she's basically saying don't even bother looking for red flags cuz there were no red flags. That's from her perspective. I can't see them. So, you you can't see them either. Like, girl, no. I I could definitely I could definitely see them. This we are not the same. Okay. And then similar to the sex workers who see the world from a very particular lens, I do think because I I follow TS Madison. TS Madison used to be a sex worker.
I think her thinking, right, a lot of her life blew up after she stopped engaging in sex work. I think there's a very specific place that sex work can have in a life or even even stripping. I I think there's a point where you age out of stripping and sex work. I say age out, but it's like you gain perspective, you gain wisdom, you gain money, you gain resources and and access, and so you don't have to engage in this sort of work anymore.
Yeah, the red flags are there. Now, I feel like there are exceptions to this rule, but I do feel like that's the rule. I might be wrong cuz there are some uh, you know, sex workers or sex educators, sex workers who are sex educators who still engage in self sex work, you know, well into their 40s and 50s plus. I don't know. I don't know how often they're doing it. Is it like a a once a year we film kind of thing or you know what I mean? Because there, you know, there's some people I I recommend. Um we can look for them and sometimes there are yellow. Yes, exactly. Sometimes there are and I I think it's just important to be aware of them.
You're going to navigate the world as you selling [ __ ] A lot of [ __ ] who buy [ __ ] are weird. That's That's true. I know her whole demeanor I just really like.
Okay. A lot of men who do not have the skills, the social skills, they don't even really have to have charisma, but they have to engage with people like they're human. You know what I mean? Who aren't able to do that to pay for sex. A lot of the men who keep Only Fans in business Yeah. She she is not wrong. A lot of the men who keep Only Fans in business are weirdos.
They're weirdos. They are bottom of the barrel kind of men who get no play. Now, I don't think this guy in the voicemail is like that. I think he has trouble getting the woman he actually wants, but I don't think he has trouble getting a woman. I think at this point he feels like he can just run through women and find the one that's going to have the sex that he wants, right? I think he he just views himself as just getting through women and I I just want to have sex. I think he can find women who agree to his terms.
Not easily, but he is like trying to move them through quickly to and have no shame about it.
So he's a loser though. Okay. That's one of my favorite words. I don't like to call people dumb, but I do like to call people a loser. This isn't to be mean.
It's just the truth. A lot of [ __ ] who buy [ __ ] are old [ __ ] weirdos.
Sometimes even young [ __ ] weirdos.
But there's a social stump right there preventing them from getting it how the [ __ ] we all live. And that's why they got to pay for it.
>> So that kind I remember watching an episode of Intervention of an autistic dude who was addicted to Dex, the cough medicine, and he would pay for sex. He thought he was smarter than her. Try not [laughter] paying her.
[gasps] Did he think he was smarter?
A lot of men resent having to pay.
Rich men who are too busy to find a sexual partner usually don't resent having to pay. But average men resent.
They hate. What do you mean? This is supposed to, you know, this is supposed to be available to me. I shouldn't have to pay for this. Her boss caught on and he ended up getting the money and then some. So even these neurody divergent men think they can get it for Yes. You know, which is why when I when I reviewed couples therapy, um, Mave, formerly known as what's his name?
Clint, what was his name? Clinton. He they were misogyny there too in in addition to their neurode divergence. There was some entitlement there too. There was some manipulation and using of shape because they are cheap. It's more than cheap. It's not so much that they're cheap.
It is a belief system that I should not have to pay for this.
Even if it was a dollar, they would hate that they have to pay for it. That they didn't have to think back in their mind, I paid for this. It's the concept that they hate.
So it's not necessarily so like rich men I'm not saying rich men because they are more generous are okay with paying I think their their their way of viewing life they've gotten enough money to a point where they view money as a means to an end money gets me certain experiences money gets me certain services and there's no not necessarily any emotional attachment to expending money on this particular thing and so they're much more likely to just spend money to get the thing that they need without thinking about it or thinking too hard on it. I I don't want to have to deal with the dating apps and I would really like to have sex on Friday when I'm going to be in town after my long trip. I I would like to have a woman there waiting for me and that's it. I want to have sex. That's it. For these men who do not want to pay for sex, it is I should have access to her body no matter what. I should not have to pay for it. It's like a whole different ideology.
He was fuming and crying. was like, "No, you thought and you Yeah. The the being caught in a lie and up until the evidence part going with the lie was such a a man misogyny thing for Clinton to do." Yeah. It was very much Yep. Yep.
Yep. Yep. It's just a lot of entitlement. Nisha, you right. You are right.
kind of weirdness that you got to kind of regulate to be safe and still make your money.
That's the advice she's giving you to navigate the world. So be careful cuz when that [ __ ] said everything in tomato I heard it on granny I've been here too long. A lot of you [ __ ] need to walk figure just real quick just to observe see what's going on. like you know how the [ __ ] be outside with >> and okay I'm planning to do my series I I think I'll start recording next week my series on misused psychological terms and I'm starting with narcissists right because I have seen moderate to severe mental illness I've engaged with several different types of personality disorders not just narcissists right all I've seen all of the cluster B's right there some of the most destructive in terms of how they radiate to other people and and harm other people. But I've I've seen a lot of them. I think maybe the only one I haven't seen is schizoid, but I have done schizoid personality disorder as a rule out to other psychotic disorders.
Okay. So, I'm I'm I'm stressing sort of the severity of what a person who actually has narcissistic personality disorder looks like and how how charismatic, right? So, as a as a let me see what you're saying, Mary. A former male co-orker wanted to go to a gay club because he thought it would be easier to get some. All he had to do was be a decent human, but that was too hard. He's no longer with [laughter] us now.
The being a decent human is hard for a lot of people.
When I tell you that somebody who is abusive does not start off being abusive, right? What actually is not gaslighting? Gaslighting is what comes later. What actually is lovebombing?
What what actually is lovebombing feels very good to the person who's being lovebombed. It doesn't appear that the person is faking or pretending or trying to manipulate you. The purpose of love bombing is to set up a scenario, a stage where it is going to be harder for you to leave after I start devaluing you. And so in the beginning, these men are polite.
I don't want to say kind, but they are performative and they can fool a lot of people once you've been right because one of the things I did as a spiritual person is track energy, right? So when I first started working in psychology, I would walk into a room, right? I've interviewed lots of people. I would go into det I've been going into detention centers since I was 20 years old. I would walk into a room and I would feel the energy. I don't necessarily know what it means, but I know when I'm in different energy fields with people and over time after I ask certain questions, after I get certain data, I notice patterns with the energy. Now, the energy is already uncomfortable. So, I don't necessarily need to know, right?
And so I'm telling you, you don't necessarily need to know what the energy means. As long as you are feeling discomfort, uncomfortable, anxious, or upset. Whatever you're feeling in the room with the person is enough information. What often happens with women who ignore red flags is they do not they're not in touch with their nervous system. They feel the energy and it feels familiar. When they should know based on their history, familiar energy probably means danger. I probably should not be doing this. this I probably should not seeing this environment. He was outwardly misogynistic. Even said he was justified in beating up a woman because she pushed him and she was taller. I was like you sound like a coward and they are right. So in a clip I saw from the documentary on the men who are physically abusive to the women that Right. So the DB documentary the man the the interviewer asked him well why did you why did you like that she was walking on eggshells around you?
She was telling you how she felt and she was feeling really uncomfortable. Why did you like that? And he said, "Because I was afraid she would leave." They are cowards. That's the only kind of person who feels like they have to control another person. They're deeply insecure and cowards.
So much issues, so much fear living in their body. Okay. So, being in the room with someone who's narcissistic or someone who's abusive, someone who's any of the cluster B personalities, right?
There's there's only one one person, right? Because like actual you think of people who are like serial killers.
Serial killers are absolutely rare. But the energy I've never been in the room with a serial killer. Have I been? No.
Just somebody who's killed multiple people. Not like a secret serial killer.
There are a lot of people who do bad things because of the circumstances they were in. Grew up in a really lowincome environment. There was a lot of abuse in the home. And so they're just replicating behaviors. There are some some people who yes have been traumatized, but they also have like a callousness and a lack of care for human beings, right? They they see people as objects. That's still not a lot of people, but when you walk into the room with a person like that, you feel the energy. It's cold. It's disturbing, right? I think I've only been in the room with one person who was an actual sociopath. I was like, "This person would kill me if we were outside. this is a person I think would kill me and not even like and go eat after want I've worked with thousands of people at this point most people are not that extreme right the the rates of narcissism is or narcissistic personality disorder I don't know one to six% higher right but the energy of these people even if they're smiling in your face right because the person most people with personality disorder are quite pleasant when you first meet them. That's kind of part of what the disorder is. [laughter] They have different sides. And so, it's important for you to understand checking in with yourself. Is my heart beating fast? Am I feeling nervous? Is this person like are their words matching how they're engaging with me non-verbbally?
Is there something sinister about this person? What does sinister energy feel like?
Okay. So, I've been in rooms with people who are being applauded and lauded and celebrated and being like, "That person is going at home and hitting the person they're with. They're to so terrible.
They're so terrible." But it's hard to see. I met a guy like that in church and dealt with them for three months. He was deeply insecure, controlling, had a high esteem about himself. Even though he was degenerate deep down, he had a hard time with accountability. Yeah. I saw the textbook DSM definition and he checked all the boxes and he probably was. He was a charmer for sure, but very chaotic. And he would have the shark eyes. Oh, like the lady said, um, where his eyes would go dark when he would do things that he knew were hurtful. Yeah.
I I mean, I think shark eyes are like dissociating because somebody has a lot of trauma, but they could also be they also be like their their own violence. they like them connecting with the darkest part of themsel and not necessarily dissociating. They might remember everything that they are doing, but they are accepting they they are welcoming the being overshadowed with their shadow version of themsel versus checking in with themsel and saying, "Oh, I'm upset or triggered or angry."
And yeah, the shark rises. Yeah, that is a sinister person. That combo, I agree.
I completely agree. These people are disturbing. Okay, let me see what else >> at the Sahara Desert trying to observe what the [ __ ] the lion's doing. That's what you [ __ ] need to go do on Fig. A lot of you [ __ ] need to to to go to [ __ ] Vegas, hit LA for a little bit and just observe the culture because on my mama I couldn't unhear it. That's how you bag a trick, [ __ ] That's 304 pimp talk. When a pimp is trying to convince you to sell [ __ ] for him, the ways in which he gets loose with his words about h how he even talk about sex like how casual he gets in the language when he talking about sex and persuading it to you. the idea how how how he tried to how he tried to even make it seem like he going to be your protector when he that looseness that gray area that's pimp [ __ ] 304 talk and if you do not sell [ __ ] be very careful of taking that advice and thinking that that voice note is not alarming I'm not saying you got to call the police I'm saying it's alarming and too many grown adults are too comfortable admitting that they are susceptible to predatory behavior because my biggest question after a [ __ ] get the [ __ ] on the internet talking about I mean well that's kind of cuz I got a high um libido too so y'all ask for sex early and I don't want to be with nobody if we don't you be asking for the buns like that no and that that's one of the points my boyfriend made about there is because we're looking for consent he doesn't use the word consent, right? He understands the concept. But because you're looking for somebody that is also interested in it, like you are interested in it, you are paying attention to their body language and their interest level because you want somebody who also wants it. And there's a way to talk to people. There's a way to flirt with people to communicate your desire without it being so explicit. It doesn't need to be so explicit. If we are on the same page, we don't need we don't need it to be. So how many times have y'all said, "Do you want to have sex now?
That is so rare for somebody to do.
Sure, like married couples, especially when people get busy, they plan sex, but in that first getting to know you phase, we are 100% going on vibes. We're not 100%. We're we're going on actions and your words matching.
Okay, it's so kind of you for the super chat. Thank you, Mary Sparkles. Like, whoa. Yes. They leave their words up to interpretation because they know that you will fit fill it up with good intentions. Yes. When they are not there. Yes. That's why there are only certain people who are susceptible to this kind of predatory behavior. Those people don't see the red flags. Right?
They they listen to this voice memo and they're like, "What were the red flags?
I don't see anything wrong with this."
And then when they get into a relationship with the man leaves them, it when their husband exits the relationship, they're going to say, "There were no red flags." Yes, there were. There always are. I, you know, I like to make a note about how in these Tik Tok videos, people say the same thing three times. The videos don't have to be this long, but she does make a little point that I want to get to. But thank you so much for the super chat for my Is this my first super chat? Let's put it back up there. Okay.
Okay, Dr. Charice. Okay. Thank you.
>> Like, let's just get for real. A lot of the [ __ ] who sent over here saying that voice note is normal, they not even asking for the [ __ ] like that, gang.
>> Right.
>> They not getting the buns like that. And they know the times that they have got the buns like that. And the [ __ ] who said yes was also a [ __ ] weirdo. Relationship was weird about awkward as hell.
And the [ __ ] who told them no looked at them as the weirdos. [ __ ] you're not getting the buns like that.
Girl, we see how you talk on here. Come on now. That's not how you flirt with [ __ ] That's not how you get the bun.
Do y'all know how to flirt?
I don't Listen, I remember I was Was this shortly after going to Atlanta?
I was dating this guy. Where was he from? He was from an African country.
Now I forget. It's it's it's not necessarily important to the story, but I was dating someone else at the same time, right? And so I'm I'm encouraging people people who have a similar history as me, right? You're trying to find somebody who's a good match. There are a lot of losers. You participate in online dating. I'm not saying have sex with people in those beginning stages of the getting to know you process, but to Right. I would go on three dates in a weekend. Right? Four dates in a week, that kind of thing. Like one date in the middle of the week because I really hate doing things after work and then two dates on Saturday, maybe one date on Sunday, getting to know people, right?
Having a lot of first dates, some second dates, not so much a second date. But this guy, I had been on a second date with him. And after he dropped me home, we hugged and we had a great time. But I was feeling like m you in my roster, you're kind of lower down in my mind, right? I was like, I don't I don't really think it's all there for me. And the way I engage it, I pay attention to my own behaviors, like what comes natural to me. And so after hugging him, I just wanted to get away. Not like escape him or anything, but I didn't want to stay in his company. I just wanted to say goodbye and leave. I didn't want to kiss him. And he noticed that behavior, right? He noticed that, yeah, she's interested in me, but she's not that interested in me. She doesn't even want to kiss me. After, I don't know, it might have been three dates.
After however many times we were together, it feels like it would be like a natural thing. I'm dropping you home at this point. Maybe you would invite me in.
Maybe we would have a kiss. He doesn't have to say any of that. He can look at my behaviors and see, hm, she didn't kiss me. Maybe maybe she's not as interested as I am. Because the flirting part is a lot of non-verbal. It's eye contact. It's lingering. It's touching a shoulder, a elbow, a hand. All of those things give you information that you can see on the first date. There are many, many people who have sex on the first date and stay together or just engage in a sexual relationship like a friends with benefits kind of situation. When those people are on the same page, we don't have to say out loud, "Do do you want to have sex?" That is so that is so awkward and cumbersome and because sex is mostly physical. You're looking for physical cues when someone is attractive.
Oh jeez. Did I go back? [ __ ] you're not getting the buns like that. Girl, we see how you talk on here. Come on now.
That's not how you flirt with [ __ ] That's not how you get the buns. Y'all keep talking about, "Oh, it's because y'all think sex is disgusting and gross and wrong." [ __ ] trying to [ __ ] >> Right. That is the take that Nia was giving. Y'all have an issue with this voice memo guy because you all think sex is gross and immoral. I really could not understand how she got that connection because that has nothing to do with what's happening in the voicemail. Now it is true that there are a group of women who have internalized right that they shouldn't enjoy sex that sex is not something that they should prioritize that they they shouldn't be in touch with their sexuality that they they don't want to be sexual beings they don't they don't want to be you know um you know relaxing enough to enjoy sex to actually or orgasm because sex is kind of carnal right like really when you think about intercourse and penetration It's it's an experience. Okay, I love the experience. But to actually engage in that behavior takes a lot of vulnerability and some women have attached shame to it because it's been like placed upon them that they should not enjoy sex.
That is true. That is, you know, there's a version of that where we can have that conversation about women who then get into long-term relationships or marriages and the marriages end up being sexless because the women don't want to have sex. They do not enjoy sex. They do not like being seen with their clothes off. They do not like being penetrated.
They they do not have orgasms. There is that is a conversation, but that has nothing to do with a man who is being coercive.
That's like a whole separate topic.
[ __ ] on the first day. I done [ __ ] on the third day.
I I done [ __ ] and ain't never seen the [ __ ] again. And on my mama, I ain't never had to do no weird [ __ ] like that to get the buns.
>> Exactly.
>> And yes, I asked for it. I don't let no [ __ ] give it to me because what what you talking about, [ __ ] I pick who I want. Yeah, I ain't never in my [ __ ] life said no [ __ ] like that. You are weird. A lot of the [ __ ] out here trying to normalize this language, this behavior.
They not even getting the [ __ ] like that.
So, like I said again, be mindful of who you take advice from, why you take it, and what you'll be using the advice for.
Because I'm telling you, baby, all you got to do is live in Vegas and live in LA for a little bit. And it's coming from a [ __ ] from Chicago and my mama.
>> 30 [ __ ] >> Okay, girl.
>> Listen, I think she's making an excellent point about the type of people who are okay with behaviors like this coming from men, right? So we have the women who do not see this as a red flag at all and then we have women who excuse this sort of behavior even though it is clearly in the realm of coercion. Right?
I know some people were saying it it was only the first date like there was no harm that was going to come to her if she didn't invite him over. But the pattern of behavior that escalates from a person like this is abusive controlling behavior. And this is the kind of red flag that I'm encouraging women to leave at the first sight of.
You leave these kind of men alone. You you let people show you who they are the first time and you exit stage left because there's nothing here for you.
There's there's no peace here for you.
Can you imagine what this man would be like in a relationship? What the sexual relationship would be like? We don't even know what kind of sex he like. How you what do you mean you need to be compatible? Do you like missionary or nah? What what do we need to figure out?
That that's my thing. So that's my review, my analyzing of the voice memo guy. Very disturbing, very disgusting, you know, very upsetting. That's it. Any other questions, thoughts on the red flags of it all?
Because I'm so concerned with the women who was like, "This is okay.
I hope they see this video and say, "Oh, I didn't even think about it that way. I didn't even think about it deeply.
Think about it deeply." Okay? [laughter] Understand the nature of men. Maybe that's the part that's missing for a lot of women. They don't understand the nature of men. And so once you understand the nature of men, most men, you can then understand what men look like when they're being abusive or like dependent.
You are very welcome, Tamia.
Someone mentioned that she may have suggested the date at her place based on his suggestion.
Oh, well, maybe. Right. But sort of like I was saying before, there there are lots of women who walk into the lion's den without re realizing, right? Maybe she is exactly like the women who excuse this behavior, right? Maybe she even though right we don't have any evidence but maybe she is exactly like the women who excuse this behavior or don't see the red flag as red flag although I I think she did and I think she didn't see him but I I would you know understand him being manipulative. Yeah. Thank you so much. Cool back girl.
All right. What's my next video?
another one on money for members and a YouTube I I made a new playlist on my YouTube journey. And so I'm doing like a a YouTube update, a a video about my my YouTube journey on Friday. But then I I think next week I'll talk about actually I recorded a video yesterday. I forgot what it was. Um but my my new series is going to be out soon. if not next week, then the week after because I'm I'm getting all the questions and the organization of it and I'm feeling really good about it. Also, him mentioning alcohol in that message was very odd, especially after he mentioned that she that she said that said she wasn't sure. I I agree. Thank you so much for the review. This take was refreshing because the people agreeing with him was triggering. Yeah.
And I feel like it's sort of a reflection of where we are as a society.
To me, it's in line with the Tory Lane's defenders, the the people who defended Bill Cosby, the people who defended Diddy, those also include women, also include black women. It's misogyny, right? We're talking about misogyny, misogyny war, the R. Kelly supporters, the people who are going to the Chris Brown, like no judgment to you all, but judgment, okay? All the people who are supporting abusers, this is it. He didn't do anything to me. He asked. He was polite.
He was disturbing and coercive.
It It's part of why abusers continue to get platformed and continue to have so many supporters because what is viewed as abusive is is different in their eyes or they don't really care.
So, one person at a time, I think it illuminated a lot of people. You know, for for all the people who were defending this behavior, there are a group of people who got it, who first when they heard it, didn't think any of it, but then when they heard somebody like me talk about it and say, "No, no, no. This is abusive, coercive. This man is probably a menace, a little demon in a relationship, they they said, "Oh, I didn't realize." Yeah. Listen, people I know who are still in church going to the world. Disturbing. My eyes almost got stuck in the back of my head from looking at them so hard. Yeah, it's very disturbing. But our president is Donald Trump.
Misogyny is one of the most baked in parts in this society, right? Why we've never had a woman president. They hate women in this country. Hate women, hate mothers, hate children.
Not just like an ideology. It It's like the foundation for how laws are made.
Hate women. hate women.
It's Yeah, it's hard. Someone invited me to a breezy bowl and was like, "What about me?" Says, "I would want to support such." Well, well, you're a black woman, so [laughter] [sighs and gasps] I wonder what the percentage is of women who support that those people. Um, but yeah, there are a lot of excuses made for abusers. And right, I've worked with clients whose mother let in an abuser, sexual abuser, made excuses for that person whose both parents said, "You're lying to protect abusers whose whose siblings were the abuser and was protected cuz right boy to girl."
I've listen I've seen so much that I understand there's so many excuses made or even there was a a housewife a housewife of Orange County one of those whose husband was a football player and he had a a long history of abusing women violating women and everybody just let him skate through.
Yeah, it it's it's very disturbing the way men are pedestalized. Masculinity is valued so much here versus, you know, femininity. It's very disturbing. But we we're definitely at a transition period where men are making things harder for women, but all of the progress that was made before that, it will come back, right? It will come back. We're taking steps backward to go forward. And there are people like me raising young men who love people in general, who value differences and femininity.
Yeah.
Yeah. I I I added Usher to the abuser community. He knows what happened to Justin Bieber. So, I'm I'm very disturbed. He You know, it's kind of like whatever Diddy was doing because Mary J. Blah, I think, has talked about this. Well, I don't know if she's like done in interviews or alluded to it.
the abuser abusing the victim and the victim becoming the abuser was part of their power their power and control and it was like a right of passage just very disturbing stuff my mom was still in contact with shark eyes even accepted a gift on my behalf from him she wanted to keep it why why was she I wanted to fight her so it's not surprising why would she do that why would she do that yeah I mean I've told y'all my mother's a Christian woman. There are some I mean, she divorced her husband, but there are some habits and belief systems that she's had that were very loose on standards for men. You understand? I've had high standards for my son to be a productive member of society.
I I'm not sure if she had a boy child that I I wonder sometimes I wonder if he would have been treated differently.
Better, not better. What do they do?
They they raise their girls and cuddle their sons. I sometimes I wonder if he would have been cuddled.
But I don't have any brothers. When I was young, I wanted to become a lawyer and help victims of violence, but I realized that my heart was too fragile for that.
Oh, she's a Christian, too. I no longer am because it really enforces me identification. I agree. I agree. And honestly, I probably could still identify as Christian because there are a lot of Christian um beliefs I still have, you know, like the Christ stuff, but I I don't want to be associated with Christians. Sorry. Not sorry. I don't No. When you see me, I don't want you to I don't No, I don't even care to represent the religion. No. I'm my own thing.
I'm my own thing.
Yeah. Anyway, thank you all for being here. It was an early live. What y'all doing? Um, are y'all not working?
[laughter] I do wonder about that. That's why I want to do lives later. But the way this energy exchange is set up is just so hard. Do I have to complain about this every time? Yes. Okay. Cuz it's a lot.
Okay. It's a lot. It's not really Today is not that much. Um, I had a really good weekend with the Brook Ashley and um and my boyfriend. We had a really really fun date night. We're pretending.
Okay. [laughter] Oh, okay. Jura Lumen. Oh, I haven't seen you comment. I love your your avatar.
Same. Um, I would have been at work, but the family is on vacation. I have another family later. Oh, I got you. Got you. Well, I appreciate you all for being here. You know, if you ever have like a a topic, a a video that you want me to review, cuz there is there's a video I'm thinking of reviewing.
I don't even know how I got How did I get here? I some I think I'm supposed to be a relationship coach. Not Yeah, like a like a couple's therapist or something.
Yeah, have a have a great one. Um because I think I would be so impactful and so helpful. So, there is a podcast called Donnie Wiggings or David and Donnie.
Have you all heard of that one? David and and Donniey's David and Donnie. Um, this video is why successful women keep choosing the wrong men. The exit interview. And they're interviewing Tia in one. And then they're interviewing some other lady.
Hold on. Let me see where they do have this.
Right. One one person saying, "I will be a wife.
girl. Okay. And then yeah, the other one is a dating coach. I'm just like, what?
Yes, VI forever. Okay. Uh, yeah. So, I'm like thinking of interview, not interviewing, but reviewing those interviews because I don't know what are people doing. I don't y'all taking advice from girl. Okay. All right. Now, I'm just Oh, my sentence. If you all have any topic ideas, any videos that you want to review, you could leave them on any video, right? I I sometimes I do post where you can leave a a comment there about something you're interested in.
But any video that you have a recommendation for, you know, I'll I'll see it if you have anything you wanted me to look at or review. Otherwise, thank you all so much for the engagement, for the support. I cannot get over it. I appreciate you all so much. Thank you all for being such smart people, reflective people, open folks who are, you know, willing to learn and definitely chime in and help other women through this process. Uh, and so I don't think I'll see you next week for a live stream, but maybe the week after.
Yeah. All right. Bye.
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