You call it a grudge. I call it self-respect.

Added: 2026-05-23

[00:00:00]It's funny how people created the word grudge to shift the accountability to the other person to the person that you harmed you hurt and apparently if that other person has standards and doesn't want to talk to you you're holding a grudge.

[00:00:18]I am a big believer say it whatever you want to call it of grudge.

[00:00:28]What do you mean people expect you to forgive them and just not without even acknowledging what you did to them, especially if they were super clear to you what about what happened? They didn't just ghost you. If they told you, "Oh, you did this to me and I'm expecting sort of like an apology."

[00:00:56]And if you didn't do that and you don't recognize, you can't recognize what you've done and the other person cuts you off, why are you calling it a grudge? And there is the other funny funny situation when let's just say someone harmed me. I have a friend and another person hurt me in the friendship and I tell my friend they're not they're not good friends. or not. Let's just say an ex hurt me like they I don't know think the worst thing that maybe they cheated on me or just they lied to me. They lied to my face and I tell my friend that by the way I I broke up with so and so and the friend says well they didn't do anything to me so I will carry on being friends with that person.

[00:01:57]You've been cut off straight away. No, no ifs or buts.

[00:02:04]No ifs or buts. And I want to say there is the other the the reverse scenario as well which I I didn't know existed. It happened to me. Let me tell you a little story.

[00:02:18]So I had a friend I used to call her best friend. Like we were to be honest it's all my fault. I used to call her best friend. I anointed her with that title.

[00:02:30]And it's my fault. It's my bad. Uh I I consider her a good friend. Okay, maybe not best friend, but I used to call her bestie and stuff like that. Roll in my eyes.

[00:02:44]Roll in my eyes. Anyway, bless me. Anyway, so she had a friend.

[00:02:54]I to be honest, let's call her Lucy. My friend, my best friend had a friend, let's call her Lucy.

[00:03:02]I didn't know her very well. I only knew her through her, you know, back in the day through Facebook. I don't have Facebook anymore.

[00:03:10]Sort of like like that. And I only knew her um in a bad way because my friend would say, "Oh, by the way, Lucy did this thing again and Lucy said this thing about me and I found out like some dramas, petty dramas." And also I al always knew her because when we would all be together in the bar as the person that would never buy a round of drinks whenever it was her her turn she would either say I don't have money or she would leave. And bear in mind back in the day it was when I was poor as well like she had a full-time job and she was like we would always call her I don't know of course you will live like we would I don't know. I didn't like I didn't like her like bad vibes but she was sort of like fun to go out so I could understand why my friend wanted to go out like to to go out and have a drink with her and they would live in the same city. So I would understand but then she did a really bad thing to her really insensitive thing and she cut her off and I I was like finally you cut her off and I started being you know I cut her off as well like I will be the loyal friend you don't need to explain to me if you don't like a person I will cut them off I don't even question I will you have my my back I I got your back. You have my back. You know what I mean? I will I'm loyal. I will cut them off if you tell me that person did this and I'll be like I will double down as well. I'll be like, "Oh my god, what an asshole." And I just I will have your back. I don't need to be objective and be like, "Oh, oh, let's just Oh, maybe she maybe you did." No, I will be completely on your side. Cut them off. So, I cut her off and for a few months when we would talk about her, about Lucy, I would be completely negative and I was like, "I'm I'm so glad you cut her off."

[00:05:19]And I would remember things she did to her and I couldn't I would bite my lips and I would I wouldn't say anything. And she was like, "Yeah, yeah, you're right.

[00:05:27]You're right. I'm so glad I cut her off." Um, a year later it was my friend's birthday and and she goes, "Oh, by the way, I invited Lucy as well."

[00:05:42]And I'm like, "What?"

[00:05:44]Like, I invited Lucy as well. Is that okay with you? I know you don't like her. She told me I don't like her. I know you don't like her. And I went, I don't like her because of you.

[00:05:59]And apparently they they started hanging out again. And she told Lucy that I don't like her.

[00:06:08]And I'm like, "Oh, I don't I don't give a [ __ ] about the girl. She can be there.

[00:06:12]Are you okay that she's going to be there?" And she had that she sent me like a really big paragraph on WhatsApp telling me, "Oh, I hope you're okay that she's going to be there and I hope you can come." making it like I have the problem. That really pissed me off. Like listen, I I have to be honest, she didn't do anything to me. She did all these things and you things to you, me having your back and you still inviting her and making it like it's my problem.

[00:06:46]Needless to say, after that it was like I I gradually removed her from my life because then I started remembering other things like so I have your back.

[00:07:00]Many things she did to me and no that was the last thing. And I'm so glad I I I I'm so glad because I was so mature about how I handled that situation and just told her straight away like I I've been a really loyal friend and like as I would have loved a friend to be to have my side to be on my side to defend me and you presenting like you know what I mean like a reverse the completely reverse thing that you would expect from someone like blaming And are you going to be okay, Joe? Like, she's coming. Like, what?

[00:07:41]People are just awful. I'm really sorry.

[00:07:43]What are you talking about? Grudge. I will hold the grudge, whatever you call it. Like, if you don't apologize and not not acknowledge and I have many, many examples of people I cut off and I told them, I have so many examples. Let me just tell you one very quickly. I had a friend, I thought she was super close. I I was living in a tiny studio flat. She would visit from another country and I would give her my keys. Imagine me in a tiny studio flat and she had money. She could go and stay in a hotel staying in my flat being there for her wherever she whenever she had relationship issues, financial issues, business issues cuz she she had a business in London.

[00:08:27]And uh I invite her as my friend, a plus one to my sister's wedding. She had a like front row table with my brother's friends in the table. Later on, I I found out that she was talking about me, like she was telling my brother's friends personal stuff about me in London.

[00:08:54]That does not go there. So I cons like she didn't pay anything. I basically my sister's wedding, free accommodation, free travel, free everything, free food.

[00:09:05]I sold her everything in Greece. I took care everything to everywhere. Car, me driving everything. Good time.

[00:09:15]So obviously I'm not expecting, oh, because I did all these things to you.

[00:09:20]You need to be my friend. Although it's just so sad. like I I did all these things cuz I thought we were friends.

[00:09:27]Anyway, long story short, she she got engaged. I didn't even know she was dating and she got married in London without inviting me. And I found out from a common friend like she went through all those lengths to keep it secret. For whatever reason, I was like, "My jaw dropped." People are just, you never know. Literally, people are like, "Are you okay?" I'm I'm genuinely asking like, "You think you're talking to someone and you think you're like safe?" No, you're not.

[00:10:07]So, I found her. I'm like, "Oh, you could have said if you didn't want to invite me or just you could have found a ton of excuses like you didn't have space or whatever." And who is that person that you're d why are you getting? Why were you keeping it secret?

[00:10:25]The jealousy. I don't [ __ ] know. I don't [ __ ] know. Honestly. Honestly.

[00:10:29]Whatever it is. And I blocked her like fully. Boom. Like everything. Blocked her. After years, guys, I receive an email from her. I'm talking years.

[00:10:42]Five, six years.

[00:10:45]She emailed me.

[00:10:48]and talking to me like oh we were just talking yesterday or something like oh yeah I'm doing this today and I can't wait to go there and do you remember when you used to sing and I used to come to your gigs and I'm talking a full email like a full page of just talking about life and reminiscing and I'm sorry where is my apology?

[00:11:19]Where is my I'm sorry, Joe. I should have done this and that and and I valued our friendship and I I was a bad person.

[00:11:27]Like what is it that you want me to reply back? Hey, how's it going? Like what is going on through people's minds? That's just a tiny example like one of the many I had cuz I would call people then listen I would miss me too as a friend but you need to apologize and that's you call that a grudge I don't have time if someone doesn't apologize and if even if they do I still I will still remember it's just like a muscle memory but it's the muscle is the brain pain and the heart. I will remember forever with details. Are you kidding me? Gruds.

[00:12:12]Well, yeah. Yes, I know her.

[00:12:18]So, yeah, it was kind of like, oh, what what is the apology? But you see, people are like that. So, what a beautiful thing.

[00:12:32]What a beautiful thing to be able to cut these people off without thinking, "Oh, I'm going to be alone. I'm gonna I'm going to be alone." How cool is that without these people? Please value value yourselves. Respect yourselves and cut them off. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for commenting. If you have any examples like that, let me know. And have an amazing day.