7 Clues to SPOT the Narcissist EARLY!

Added: 2026-05-13

[00:00:02]Have you been hurt in a relationship by a narcissist? Are you sick of falling for the same men always ending up emotionally broken and beaten down? Did you realize though that it's actually possible to spot a narcissist before he even has an opportunity to ruin your life? Which is why on today's show, we're going to be discussing seven clues to spot the narcissist early. That way, you can protect yourself and prevent yourself from being emotionally damaged by the next man who's looking to take advantage of you. Welcome to the Players Club. If you're paying attention to me and everyone else in the live stream, please say here present so that I know you're here present and you're actively participating.

[00:00:57]Welcome all of you beautiful people. It is so good to see you today. Someone says no YouTube. YouTube's up and running. What are you talking about? You must not have seen the notification. How you guys all doing today? Uh I see uh Rusen over here in the in the Tik Tok chat. I see Brooke here. I think I saw Scotty earlier. I believe I saw Shereice as well. And Sh, I see Miriam, Elizabeth, Jennifer. Welcome all you beautiful souls. How are you all doing in the Tik Tok chat and over in the YouTube chat? I see Deb. Shout out to Sophie. Sophie was number one in our YouTube chat today. And of course, Ivy, our amazing uh channel member as well.

[00:01:34]And we have Ashley, her twin as well. We got Tracy Nell's here. We got Anitra here. Welcome all you beautiful people.

[00:01:41]And of course, we got I see Nikesha West, Molita, uh Taylor. Is Enlighten here? I don't see Enlighten. Okay, welcome all you beautiful people. And of course, we have Oh, no. Missy America's not here. Missy America's got she's she's got the day off. Okay. And Rachel Johnson. Welcome all you beautiful people. Good to see you on this Friday afternoon and I love spending Fridays with you guys. It's the weekend basically now and we get to have a good time together. All right, so let's get started. I know you guys want this uh piece of advice very badly. Now, first things first, let's get our house in order. Okay, we're going to pull up Google and we're going to read out the definition of a narcissist. Okay, only because I really hate buzzwords, okay?

[00:02:31]And I really hate that people use the term narcissist, right? Not understanding what it really means.

[00:02:37]Okay. So, let's understand two things.

[00:02:39]First of all, narcissist personality disorder is an actual personality disorder that you go to the doctor and you get diagnosed with. Okay? So, I need to say that because I want to help you understand not everyone that you know that treats you disrespectfully or wrong has narcissist personality disorder.

[00:03:00]Okay, let's get that very straight.

[00:03:02]However, that does not mean that everyone who uh does doesn't have just because they don't have narcissist personality disorder, that doesn't mean they're still not capable of showing you narcissistic traits. Are you following me so far? Okay, this is going to get me very mad because this is a buzz word and I hate buzzwords because people have no idea what it means when it becomes a buzzword. They just say it to say it.

[00:03:26]Okay, anyone that treats you bad is a narcissist. Let's read the definition of narcissist personality disorder so we can understand what traits someone will show you when they are a narcissist.

[00:03:38]Okay. Narcissist personality disorder is a personality disorder characterized by a lifelong pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance and excessive need for ad uh admiration and a diminished ability to empathize with others feelings. So that is what the disorder contains, right? When you go to the doctor, you can actually get diagnosed with this as a personality disorder. However, in what I just described, there can also be people who don't have the personality disorder in full, but show those similar traits.

[00:04:13]Okay? Either way, it doesn't serve you and it hurts you and you'll find yourself very emotionally damaged after being with someone like this or someone with traits like this. Okay? So, we're all on the same page. It hurts all the same. I just want us to be very clear.

[00:04:28]There's a difference between having a diagnosed personality disorder and just being a horrible person. Okay. Now, now that we got that out the way, let's go right into number one. Okay. Love at first sight. I'm going to get mad early today because all of these make me really mad because all of you fall for all of these really easily, okay? And they're all for slightly different reasons because the world and society and life has presented them to you as acceptable or good in some in some instances. So love at first sight is one of the signs that you should be looking for if you're going to clue into the fact that you may be dealing with a narcissist or someone with narcissistic traits. Okay? Because a love at first sight person, a narcissist is always going to want to get you in a position where you're uncomfortable. Well, they don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but they want to put you in a position where you feel it's most necessary to do whatever they want you to do at that very moment, however they want you to do it. So, let's put ourselves in the mind of a man. If I'm sitting down with you on a dinner date in front of you, what do you think I'm most likely thinking to myself if I'm not here to actually build a relationship with you? I'm thinking to myself, "Wow, gee, she looks great. Her dump truck is amazing. I wish we could get this dinner over with as fast as possible so I could penetrate her and jack rabbit myself inside of her for 90 seconds because that's exactly what I'm looking to do." So any strategy, right, or uh a a way that I can possibly do that quicker and faster would be ideal for me. So I say all that to say, if we put ourselves in the mind of the man when he's sitting out on the date in front of you, assuming he's not trying to build a relationship with you, right?

[00:06:25]and we're putting ourselves in in his thought process, then you have to understand love at first sight is a great way uh and great thing to present to you that he can get you to believe in, a narrative to get you to believe in that you will be beholden to what he wants you to do and how he wants you to serve him at that very moment and throughout the course of the relationship. Think about this logic. If I want her to be sped up in our relationship, take things to the ultimate level, which would be sleeping with her, right? Take things as far as they could possibly go, as quickly as we could possibly get them to go there. I need to get her to believe in a narrative, right? Narratives are very, that's why stories are so powerful because we have narratives in our mind.

[00:07:13]And whatever narrative is playing in our mind, that's what we abide by. That's how we end up living our lives. So if I get you to believe in a narrative that oh my god, our relationship is all about love at first sight. As soon as we laid our eyes on each other, we felt this magical connection in our souls despite not knowing each other. And it just was like a tingling feeling even though we've never met before and I have no nothing to go off of, no personality to go off, no experience to go off. I really don't know you from a can of pain, but it just feel I felt it in the air when I laid my eyes on you that everything about me and you was complete and we were going to be together forever. I just knew that the moment I saw you. And so now that we're in this relationship, we might as well already be husband and wife even though we're not. and we might as well have been dating for 10 years even though I just met you because I I just feel like we're so close even though we're not close at all.

[00:08:14]It's a beautiful narrative for you to believe in because it's the same narrative you've been watching in your Disney princess movies. It's the same narrative you've been watching in your teen dramas. It's the same narrative you watch on 365 days on Netflix, right?

[00:08:30]Because it's the most dramatic narrative. Oh my god, you saw me and you were just whisked away by emotion and it was so powerful and it was so magical.

[00:08:39]Right? We want to believe in that because it's it's a dramatization of our real everyday mundane lives. If they played you a 25 hour 25 day or 25 year long movie where it actually took the man quite a while to build himself up and his emotions and build this relationship and build his understanding of her and they had to grow together.

[00:09:02]that wouldn't be quite as an exciting a movie when they're condensing it down to two hours. They only want to put the most interesting, dramatized portions of the movie in there. And so they make everything happen in 5 minutes, but you think you're watching an actual representation of a timeline of real life. So when you are absorbing it, you're thinking to yourself, "This is the narrative that I want to believe in.

[00:09:23]that a guy could just lay his eyes on me and fall in love with me totally and utterly and know everything about me in five minutes just by not even five minutes just by laying his eyes on me.

[00:09:34]So, a great awesome smart intelligent narcissist is going to come to you and immediately try to get you to believe in the narrative of love at first sight.

[00:09:46]Why? Because the moment you believe in that narrative, we can begin building things at breakneck speed, faster than the speed of light. Because if I laid my eyes on you, right, and I knew everything I needed to know about you and were basically already husband and wife, what's that going to do to you?

[00:10:07]Even if you don't feel that, even if you don't think that, right? You're going to feel guilty for not feeling that or thinking that. You're going to feel guilty that I like you so much that I believe just by meeting you the first time in the first couple seconds I knew I knew how sure I was about you. You're going to begin to feel guilty that you're unsure about me, right? And you're going to start to feel like what?

[00:10:35]Like something's wrong with you. You're going to notice that in everything that I mentioned today, right? A lot of it is focused on making you feel like there's something wrong with you. Because the moment you feel like there's something wrong with you, now what do I get to do?

[00:10:52]I get to control you and get you to act and respond to me the way I want you to act and respond to me that is the most convenient for me and what I want in that very moment. So, love at first sight is a great way even if you're not ready. Even if you don't believe in it, even if this is way out of your wheelhouse and this is not something you're prepared for, it's a great way to guilt you into believing that you should be ready for more in the relationship than you're even ready for because you feel like the person who's doing something wrong when you don't feel like I can't fall in love with you in 5 minutes. I can't just see you and feel like I know everything about you. I can't just see you and be like, "Yeah, I'm going to you're going to be my husband and we're going to go off to a land far far away and get married."

[00:11:42]Right? When you feel like that, but I'm telling you how much I feel that, you're going to start to feel guilty and you're going to start to feel like, damn, I don't want to let him know that I'm not on the same page as him. I don't want to let him know that I'm not feeling this love at first sight thing. I don't want to let him know that I'm unsure about him. Look how sure he is about me. I hear people say all the time, if he wanted to, he would. I hear people say all the time, the guy's got to show you intention. I hear people say all the time that he'll know he wants you from the very beginning. And see, this is the problem because you're confusing a lot of different concepts and ideas, right?

[00:12:16]That's allowing you to believe in this narrative that he's presenting to you, right? The Disney princess movie is clouding your brain. Even though it's a dramatization of of not not of real life, but it's just a dramatization of movies to make it interesting, you're also believing in the ideas that you hear other people say where, yeah, uh, if you wanted to, we would, guys are supposed to be intentional about you and yeah, guys are going to know in the first 5 seconds. So, you're thinking to yourself, that just speaks to how sure he is about me, right? I guess cuz I heard other people talk about, yeah, he should be sure about me. And I guess being sure in the first 5 seconds makes a lot of sense, I guess, right? So, love at first sight would make sense, I guess, right? And you're just confused, right? But while you're confused, what am I doing? I'm pressuring you. I'm saying, "I love you so much. I think you're so amazing. You're the best thing since sliced bread. I just I just want to make you my wife. I want to go off to a land far far." And you're like shaking. You're like, "Oh my god, I I I don't know what to think. I don't know what to I guess I guess you're right. I guess we should be together. I guess yeah, I'm a Disney princess. Yeah, this is we're going to be together forever."

[00:13:18]Yeah. and you just you you don't realize it while it's happening to you. But a lot of that emotional pressure and the overwhelming uh feelings you're getting bombarded with, right? This is a little bit even different than love bombing, right? Just the overall feelings that you're getting bombarded with at that very moment will force you to believe in something that you haven't even had time to I seen someone say it earlier that you haven't even had time to critically think about and use your critical thinking skills on to determine does this actually make logical sense or not.

[00:13:51]Right? You can see me and see that I'm wearing a really tight pair of jeans.

[00:13:56]And because I'm wearing these really tight pair of jeans, my dump truck looks so nice and shapely that you see these really tight pair of jeans and and in love at and when you see me at first sight, you're like, "Wow, those are really tight jeans and your dump truck's really amazing. So now I really am turned on by you and my PP standing up."

[00:14:14]Yeah, you can notice that at first sight. You can notice that in the first five minutes. But it it's not logical for you to see me in the first five minutes and never speak to me, never have ever met me before in life, have any mutual friends with me, and all of a sudden know that I'm the person you want to marry. How could you know that when the person you want to marry is based on their character, not just based on their looks? Unless for you, it's only based on looks. Are you following me? Because you can't know someone by just seeing them. Okay? you know someone by meeting them and experiencing them. So that doesn't make logical sense. But no, no one no narcissist is going to want you to start believing in what is logical and what makes sense. They're only going to try to get you to believe in what they want you to believe in and while simultaneously getting you to question yourself because it makes it that much easier to get you to believe in whatever they want you to believe in. Are you following me so far? Okay. Right.

[00:15:14]Uh, Molita says, "Uh, no, don't listen to other people anymore. So much BS here on YouTube. Just listen to Thomasson."

[00:15:21]Hey, I like to tell you guys I don't know everything. So, I'm not the smartest person in the world. Maybe I'm an idiot and I have no idea what I'm talking about. I don't like to say that anyone else, you know, is wrong and I'm the I'm the right one. Okay. But I will say that a lot of times this idea of men being intentional, which they should be, men being sure of what they want with you and in the relationship, which they should be, gets confused for, okay, so then when he tells me that he's in love with me in the first 5 minutes, that means that he's sure of what he wants.

[00:15:50]No, that's not what that means. That means that he's lovebombing you and trying to get you to believe in a narrative that works to his advantage.

[00:15:59]Okay? There's a balance there. I always talk to you guys about balance and not believing in any one extreme way of thinking or going about life that that's all you can think about and you never have any uh counteracting balance to that. You understand what I'm saying? So love at first sight very very important.

[00:16:17]That's that's clue number one. Now clue number two is guilt tripping. Now this is a very similar to how we talked about love at first sight, right? and how people will bombard you with those emotions uh in the beginning to try to get you to believe in that narrative.

[00:16:34]Here's the other really important narrative uh guys specifically and narcissists in general are going to try to get you to believe in. They want to guilt trip you and make you feel like it's your fault for abandoning them when you sorry when they did something wrong to you. So, for example, if I'm a narcissist and I want to guilt trip you and give you this fear that you're a bad person for uh standing up for yourself and let's say you know uh for the sake of example, you're getting tired of me flopping on dates and one day I ask you to hang out and to go out together and I tell you that we're going to meet at 3:00 p.m. and then I don't show up at your house or text you about going out together until it's 5:00 p.m. And I expect that when I start coming to your place at 5:00 p.m. that you'll just be ready and ready to go and we'll go out to wherever I plan to go to even though our plan was for 3 p.m. And then when uh 3 sorry when I get to your house at 5:00 p.m. and you don't come out because you're choosing to stand on business and you're choosing to actually have some self-respect. I then go and tell you, hey, how could you how dare you not come out with me and not spend this time with me when literally look at all this all I went through to get to here and be here for you and do this thing for you. And then when you don't answer, when you don't respond, or when you get sick of me mistreating you and flopping on dates and not taking your time seriously, and eventually you just say altogether, look, this isn't the relationship for me because that's not how I'm looking to be treated. I tell you, how could you abandon me? How could you do that to me?

[00:18:17]How could you leave me when all I wanted to do was treat you right? All I wanted to do was do my absolute best. All I wanted to do was be the person that uh I I could be. And I had this going on and that going on. And you know about my situation with my mom and my situation with my family and my situation at work.

[00:18:40]I got a situation on top of a situation.

[00:18:44]And just look how you're treating me.

[00:18:47]You know I can't handle a lot. And you know that nobody's there for me.

[00:18:55]And you know that I'm lonely. How could you leave me in the dust to be lonely?

[00:19:04]I'm abandoned. You're a horrible person.

[00:19:08]How dare you? And then all of a sudden you're crying, too, because you're like, damn, I feel bad for having standards. I feel bad for setting expectations. I feel bad for having some self-respect.

[00:19:19]And you literally end up saying, you know what? I apologize to you for having self-respect. I shouldn't have. How silly of me to have self-respect for myself and even try to stand up for myself and even try to like actually have some sort of boundaries in our relation. I apologize to you. Boundaries no more. You know, uh self-respect no more. You please walk all over me. I shouldn't dare I shall not dare to speak up for myself or have any sort of self-respect. Okay, that's what you do, right? But this is one of the clues of a narcissist because a narcissist once again, right? A narcissist wants to get you to believe in the idea that the problems you're facing in your relationship, it's all about you and what you're doing wrong. Has nothing to do with them. It's all about you. and the fact that you need to do something different. You need to fix your behavior. You need to make an adjustment. And when you're only thinking about, I got to do this, I got to work on that, I got to do this, I got to fix that, it's all me, it's all my problems, it's all this, it's all that, you're not going to be thinking logically. You're also not going to be thinking anything about yourself or your needs or what's important to you. Why would you be? You don't have any brain space left over to think about yourself or your own needs. You're only thinking about all the things that your man or your man or a man is telling you that needs to be fixed and you start scrambling because you already have a pickmea mindset, right? You already are desperate for that validation and that attention, right? And so you're scrambling now thinking to yourself, "Okay, I was already scrubbing the floor squeaky clean in my maid outfit, but maybe I got to scrub the counter squeaky clean too in my maid outfit as well.

[00:21:06]Maybe I got to wash the pots and pans and the dishes clean as well. Maybe I got to give him a handy at the same time. Maybe I got to give him a footie at the same time. Maybe I got to use my mouth and my eyeballs and I got to do everything at the same time just so he can recognize how much I'm actually invested in this situation and he can know that I'm not trying to abandon him and he can know that I'm trying to put my best foot forward and do my absolute best and you're losing your mind. Okay, you're losing your mind.

[00:21:32]great strategy for them because when he guilt trips you now you feel like I cannot literally speak up for myself because the moment I speak up for myself or stand on business or actually take a step back and withdraw because you're are treating me like garbage, right?

[00:21:47]Which you have every right to take a step back and withdraw, they tell you or convince you that you taking a step back and withdrawing is abandoning them and you're a bad person for abandoning them.

[00:21:58]Now you've went from love at first sight and all the love bombing. Now you're literally in fear of leaving them because you're in fear of how horrible you'll feel as a person if you walk away from them. It's crazy. It's crazy to think about, but it actually happens, right? And it's a very interesting strategy that they'll use on you to try to get you. Once again, like I said, this is all about getting you to believe in the idea that there's something wrong with you. You're always gonna, listen to me, with a narcissist, you're always going to feel like you're doing something wrong. And it's and whatever is going wrong is all you're doing. You're always going to feel like that. Trust trust you me. You're never going to feel as if there's something that he needs to work on. You're never going to feel as if there's something that he needs to do better at. There's not nothing that he needs to adjust. No, it's all you. It's all about you. Okay.

[00:22:56]Now, guilt tripping and love at first sight are things you notice. So, those those were one and two. Love at first sight and guilt tripping. Now, number three is a very interesting one. And this is one that you can spot it so early you can even spot it as early as the first date, which is why this one is so powerful.

[00:23:14]And I always tell you that getting him to yap is such a good thing for you because you can spot all of this type of stuff really early when you get a guy yapping at the very beginning. Okay, so this is number three. Number three, ex's from hell. Okay, I want everyone paying attention here. This is very important. I want you paying attention cuz like I said, you can use this one right here. all of them, but this one especially, you can use to spot a narcissist on the very first date, the very first one. Okay? And the even better part about it is a lot of even the narcissist don't realize what the information they're giving away when they describe their exes or their past relationships like this. This is why I always say you'll get a lot of insight.

[00:24:05]You perk your ears up. You start asking about the last relationship or the most recent ones and you just sit back, relax, and listen. Oh, you'll learn a lot about them without even without even having to experience it with them. Okay?

[00:24:18]Now, the reason I when I describe it as ex hell, what I'm specifically referring to is on the first date or any date in general and you start asking him, hey, you know, what was your last relationship like? Why did it end? or what were just some of the things that weren't working out in the relationship?

[00:24:36]And then he proceeds to tell you what wasn't working out. So, buckle up. Do you have 10 hours? Let me tell you. So, first of all, she's the worst human on earth. I tell you, all she does all day, nag me. I'm sitting here. I'm trying to work. I'm trying to do this. I'm trying to make money. I'm trying to do that.

[00:24:54]She's complaining about everything.

[00:24:56]She's coming in. She's checking my phone. She's checking the TV. She threw my laptop out the window. She broke my software. She threw all my and burned all my clothes. Burned my shoes. She literally squeezed all the toothpaste out of the tooth tooth tub and onto my counter. She's the worst. I tell you, everything with her is awful. All she does is complain. All she does is make my life a living hell. All she does is run around, scream, talk bad about me to my friends. She got me fired from my job. She She She got me She lost me a whole bunch of friends in my friend group. Oh my god, she's the worst. Do you have 10 hours or no? Because I can go on for 10 hours. Can I tell you how bad she was? And then you sit there and you go, "Okay, yeah, I understand." But you know, like is that it it was all her? Like everything. Oh, I when I tell you I would wake up in the morning and I would just beg her, please, honey, can we have a good day today? All I wanted was a little bit of peace. I tried my absolute hardest. You know, I gave her $10,000, don't you? I gave her $10,000 out of the kindness of my heart because I love her so much and because she's the most important to me thing ever to me.

[00:26:07]You know what she did? She took my $10,000. It's a stack. It was a stack. I I went to the bank and I got her cash.

[00:26:14]She took my $10,000. The stack of cash and she slapped me in the face with it.

[00:26:19]Can you believe that? I gave her $10,000. I had no money left. I had no money left. I was going to be bankrupt and I gave her my last 10,000. She took the bills and she slapped me in the face with it. Can you believe that? Can you believe how she treated me after all I I did for her. I I did nothing but worship her. Okay? And the stories are going to sound a lot like that. Okay? They're going to sound a lot like that. And they're even going to sound that dramatic when you're hearing it. You're going to think, "Damn, what a horrible person that you dated. You literally dated a monster. I'm so sorry for you that you had to go through that and experience that. Right? And you're going to notice a pattern when he talks about that ex or he talks about the relationship before that or the talking stage before that or any relationship with anyone. It's always going to sound very similar to that.

[00:27:14]They did this. They did that. They did this. They did that. And you're you're going to be sitting there waiting for the time where he acknowledges anything that he did, that day never comes, right? Because like I said with narcissistic traits, right, when someone's deep into this, they're not even going to be able to see themselves as being a villain or being someone that does something wrong or being someone that mistreats people. everything in their mind, even if they do the most horrible thing, everything in their mind will be justified, right, or explained away because, oh, you that person took it that way. So, when I cheated on my girlfriend, she took it as cheating, but really my intention was not to upset her by cheating. It really was about the fact that she was neglecting me in our relationship and that's why I cheated.

[00:28:09]If she would have not like neglected me in our relationship, then I wouldn't have cheated, right? It's always going to be a justification or an explaining a way of, oh, how you took it was not how you should have took it because that wasn't my intention. So, if you're upset about something I did to you or something I said to you, that's not my fault because I didn't intend to upset you by saying that thing or doing that thing. That's your fault that you perceived it that way. You'll hear a lot of talk like that, right? Um, and a lot of talk like that, especially about the past relationships. This is why I say it's a really uh amazing clue and an amazing strategy for you to use when you're on these dates because it's it's very impersonal. Is impersonal even a word? Right. Well, I just mean like it's indirect. So, you're not coming out on the date and saying, "Are you a narcissist? Explain to me if you're a narcissist by telling me about how you treated your ex." Right? It's just about asking him to explain his relationship and he'll be more inclined to explain his relationship from the perspective and the mind frame that he's already in.

[00:29:11]So, if he's a narcissistic type of person, he's obviously going to explain his relationship from the mind frame and frame his relationship, his past relationship, in a way that makes him sound like the hero and makes her sound like the absolute villain that only does horrible things while he is the hero that only does positive and amazing awesome things.

[00:29:33]Right? Does that make sense to you?

[00:29:36]Right? So, when you're on a relation, sorry, when you're on a relationship, when you're on a date and you're hearing this guy, this why I always say you want to sit back, relax, let that man yap, let him traumadome, let him tell you about his entire life story. That's the best place for you to be in. Because when you're hearing these stories be told, it'll become very easy for you to spot, oh, you're someone with a lot of narcissistic behavior or personality traits. You're I already know from the first date, you're the type of person I should be avoiding. Think about this logically as well. If he is describing all of his exgirlfriends this way, what do you think's going to happen if you eventually become his ex-girlfriend?

[00:30:19]He's going to describe you the exact same way. And the next girl that's on a date with him is going to think you're a monster also. Okay? I I hate to burst your bubble, but the same way he treats other people is the same way he going to treat you. So, if you're noticing that he treats all of his exes like trash, or you noticing he's describing all of his exes a particular way, he going to damn for sure. for sure he gonna describe you the exact same way when you're in that same position.

[00:30:50]Okay, does that make sense? Uh Nicole donates $10. She says, "Thank you so very much. I needed these uh belly laughs today. You are so hilarious. I'm being so for real." Thank you so much, Nicole. I appreciate your uh donation there in the chat. Thank you so much.

[00:31:07]All right.

[00:31:08]Love at first sight number one. Okay.

[00:31:12]Now, guilt tripping was number two.

[00:31:15]Access from hell number three. By the way, guys, uh I want to warn you before we hop into it. For those of you that know about the Discord and are preparing for it, I know some of you that knew, you'll just do discover it. But those of you that are new and preparing for the Discord, I want to give you an opportunity before we hop into the Discord. So, I'm just going to say this now. I created a premium relationship advice section in the Discord channel.

[00:31:38]So, if you want to go ahead and hop into the Discord channel and put your uh um your story in the premium relationship advice section, you can do that. And I'm going to read those first before I read the regular ones in case you want to skip the line. However, in order to get your question in the premium relationship advice section, and I actually read it, you have to donate to the show, right? And when you donate to the show, you're going to put the your name, your username, and the title of your message so that I can verify that you've actually donated to the show and we can make it fair for everyone. I just want to give you guys that so you have some time to send in your question. If you sent in one and you're like, "Cool, I want to get mine answered today. I want to get it answered right now." Go ahead and do that now. Just copy and paste your message and put it in there.

[00:32:23]Someone says, "Where do we donate?" The donation link is in the link in my bio.

[00:32:27]If you're on uh Tik Tok, just click the link in my bio and then you click uh where it says donate for your premium question. And then like I said, make sure in your message when you donate cuz you get a chance to send a message, you put the title of your uh message and then your username as well so that I can verify that that's you. And then the same thing for you guys on YouTube. Just go ahead, it's in the link in the top.

[00:32:49]When you click that link, you'll see a button there that says donate uh for a premium question. And the same thing applies. it'll take you you go right to the uh premium relationship advice section and then you can ask your question there and those are going to get answered first before the regular one. So you you get an opportunity to ask it for free although it's going to take probably to be honest two weeks.

[00:33:09]I'm like two weeks behind on the messages or you can skip the line and go straight to the premium relationship advice section. Okay, those of you that are like, "What are you talking about? I don't know what the Discord is." Don't worry, you'll find out. All right. Uh, so love at first sight was number one, guilt tripping number two, exes from hell number three. Now number four, this is a lot of these you probably haven't heard other people talk about, which is actually on purpose because I didn't want to specifically just mention things that you could watch in anybody else's video. I really tried to sit down and think about things that were a little bit unique and different, but still apply the same way. Now, number four is something I call availability aggression. Okay, let's stay here for a second. I want you paying attention.

[00:33:54]Stop pooping like Ivy and Ashley love me love when I say this is stop pooping time. It's time for you to suck in your poop. Stop peeing if you're peeing. Get your hand out of your pants and pay attention. Now, when I'm talking about availability aggression, this is one thing you're going to notice, and if you're keen into this, you'll notice it very early on. A narcissist will always get upset if you are trying to do anything for yourself that doesn't allow him to have access to you whenever, however, and in whatever moment that he wants to have access to you. So, I'll give you an example of what I mean by that. If I'm a narcissistic person and uh we are in a relationship or let's just say a talking stage and we've been talking, right? and I haven't hit you up for the past couple of days and you see me on Saturday night post up on my story that I'm out at the club. You see me downing a bottle of C amigos. Go go go go go go go go go on my story. It's not a grease right on guys don't listen to gloro. What would a guy be listening to? Get it sexy. Get it sexy. He's guzzling the 1942. Get it sexy. There's a girl twerking on him in in in the shot too. Get it sexy. He's guzzling that. He's like, "Yo, we lit out here. Yo, we lit out here. Yo, that 1942 hit crazy." He's He's tapping the screen and stuff, dancing to the song, right? And so you're watching him on a story, having a great time, right? He hasn't messaged you in a few days.

[00:35:26]You're like, "Okay, I guess I see how it is, right? And you're about to lay your head down on your pillow. You lay your head down on your pillow. You're snoring now.

[00:35:37]Drool coming onto your pillowcase, right? And then all of a sudden while you're sleeping, you hear you pick up your phone and you're like, "Why is he calling me now?" You answer the phone, you're like, "Hello." He's like, "Yo, girl." You can hear the music in the background. Yo, girl. I'm telling you. Yo, yo, it's crazy out here. Yo, what you what you on right now? Yo, I'm trying to I'm trying to pull up on you, girl. Like, yo, I I'm telling you, I'm just at the spot, you know? I'm at the spice, right? It's right beside your place. I can see your building from here. Yo, that you up there. Yo, I'm trying to pull up on you. What you saying to that girl? Yo, you know I'm trying to see you. I haven't seen you in a minute. What you been saying, girl?

[00:36:22]I'm trying to see you. What's up with you? Type [ __ ] Type [ __ ] You're like, what? What? Like, I'm half asleep. Like, it's it's it's 3:00 a.m. Like, what are you talking about? Yo, it's 3:00 a.m., but I'm trying to you know, I'm trying to pull up on you right now. Type you never let me pull up on you. What's with you? You don't talk to me no more. You think you too cool for me, Ty? Yo, let me pull up on you. And you're like, nah, you know, I can't. I got work in the morning. I got this in the morning. I got to go. Yo, what? What you mean you got Yo, I'm trying to pull up on you.

[00:36:50]What you mean? You don't mess with me no more time. Yo, I said I'm trying to pull up on you right now. Don't don't don't play around. Like, for real, just I'm going to be there like it's I'm only going to be there for like 30 minutes and an hour. I'mma pull up on you. Why you being Why you being weird? No, I got work in the morning, you know? Like I really just I can't do it tonight. Yo, this why I don't talk to girls like you.

[00:37:12]Yo, see any anytime I try to pull up on you, you always on some weird [ __ ] Yo, I can't I can't do Yo. All right. So, I can't So, you I ain't I ain't going to come right now? You ain't going to let me come right now? No, I can't let you come right now. You could come maybe like tomorrow, though. Are you free tomorrow? No, I ain't free tomorrow. I'm trying to come right now. I'm free right now. I'm That's why I'm trying to come right now. You ain't trying to see me right now. No, I can't see you tomorrow.

[00:37:38]All right, then. Cool. Yeah. Easy, bro.

[00:37:41]Bye. Bye.

[00:37:44]And that's how it be, right? That's an example of availability aggression because they really want to see you or spend time with you when they're ready to see you and spend time with you because it's convenient for them. when you don't want to see them or spend time with them or you just have other responsibilities that you can't just drop everything you're doing in that moment to see him and spend time with him, he's going to get really really really upset like like irrationally upset like to the point where you're like, "Bro, chill." Like I you just called me right now. You gave me zero time to prepare. You gave me zero time to plan or schedule. How am I possibly supposed to be ready for you as if I knew that you were going to be coming and want to spend time with me right now? Right? And you'll notice this. This is something that now that we talk about it, and I don't I haven't heard a lot of people mention this, but this is something that's very prevalent a lot of times. You'll notice this with the guys that show these type of narcissistic personality traits that as soon as you're not completely available to him right when he wants you, and he's not going to give you no warning, he's not going to give you no heads up. He's just going to straight up call you or text you and want to hang out with you in the next 5 minutes. He's literally going to expect you to shower, get ready, put on your tightest pair of jeans, and be ready for him in the next 5 minutes. And if you're not, he's going to be really upset. And once again, kind of like we talked about before, he's going to guilt trip you by making you feel like there's something wrong with you, that you don't want to see him right now, this second.

[00:39:18]He's going to guilt trip you by making you feel like there's something wrong with you, that when he calls you and he's ready to see you, that you're a bad person because you're not ready to see him right now in the second. You're a horrible person or you don't ever make time for him or you're, this is a great one, that guy's left to say, you're not taking this serious, right? you're not serious about me and our relationship.

[00:39:41]They love to try to make you feel like you're the one not taking it serious.

[00:39:45]Okay? It's a great strategy because once again, kind of like the love at first sight, when he tries to make it seem like I'm taking you more serious than you're taking me. I'm more invested in you than you're invested in me. Then what happens to you? You start to feel like, well, I guess maybe I should do more. I guess maybe I should show how invested I am. I guess maybe I should show that I'm on the same page as you.

[00:40:07]So, I should allow you to come see me at 3:00 a.m. at night. I should allow you to call me out of the blue and pull up on me in the next 5 minutes. I should scramble like a chicken with my head cut off running around trying to be make things happen in one in 10 seconds in 15 minutes so that you can be able to come over and see me right when you want to come over and see me. I should drop everything so that you can come over and see me. These are all the ways, like I said, that the narcissist is going to try to get you to believe in the idea that you are doing something wrong or there's something wrong with you so that you can be scrambling to try to make adjustments and fix yourself so that it's more convenient for him. So, I always advise you the best thing to do is to do nothing because a narcissist will get very frustrated with you when all you do is nothing because then he's going to have to put forth the effort.

[00:41:02]Then he's going to have to be the one who's consistent. Then he's going to have to be the one who's doing the pursuing. And a narcissist or even someone with narcissistic personality traits will definitely not want to do that. Not at all. Not one bit.

[00:41:19]Okay. Uh, Ivy donates $10 in the YouTube chat. She says, "Can availability aggression be followed by ghosting when you say no?" 100%. That's why Ivy is so smart and she's an A+ student. 100%.

[00:41:31]Availability aggression will 99.9% of the time be followed. That's part of the aggression, right? With the idea that, hey, if you can't see me right now in this second, I don't want to see you in the next couple of days. In fact, I'm not free for the next month, right?

[00:41:48]They're even going to try to pressure you by making you feel like if you don't see me right now, you ain't going to see me for the next couple of weeks cuz I'm not free. I got this to do. I got that to do. My schedule just happened to free up right now in this moment. Which is why I'm calling you right now in this moment to see you. But if you don't see me right now in this moment, you won't hear from me for the next couple of weeks. I got to go to work. I got to go to a vacation. I got to go to a work trip. I got to go to a this trip, a that trip. And like Ivy just said, right, they'll go ghost on you, right? That's part of the aggression because you're not available to him right now in this moment.

[00:42:27]Does that make sense? Right. Uh Jade says, "Is grooming behavior to punish you for not doing what they want you to do?" 100%. Right. And this is why I wanted to bring this up because I haven't actually seen a lot of people discuss this one. But this is one of the really prevalent things especially in today's day and age where we're in now where we have social media and phones and things like that and it's a lot easier to contact people when you want to contact them and reach them when you want to reach them type of thing. You understand? And a lot of guys will do this because they know if you're weak or weak-minded, right, that it's easy to manipulate you and and pressure you to get you in a position where it's like, as soon as I want to see you, I expect you to want to see me and be ready to see me, right? Does that make sense?

[00:43:11]Availability aggression. So, number one was love at first sight. Number two was uh guilt tripping. Number three, exes from hell. Number four, availability aggression. And number five is a a narcissist is going to at all cost avoid apologies. Okay, I also want you listening up to this, okay? Cuz this one's very slick and I've talked about this before when we had a show on why men come back. Okay, narcissists are going to avoid apologies at all costs.

[00:43:42]Why? Because like we mentioned before, a narcissist wants you to believe in the idea that the problem is you. You're the reason things are going wrong. You're the reason things aren't looking how they're supposed to look. You're the reason this relationship isn't what it's supposed to be. It's you. You're the issue. You're the problem. Now, narcissists are because they always want you to believe that you're the problem.

[00:44:04]Why would they ever admit to being the problem themselves? That's the last thing they would do. And apologizing would mean that he would have to admit that he's the problem. That's the last thing a narcissist is going to want to do. That that's like eating glass, right? So, I say that to say one thing you're going to notice, and it's very, very, very slick, is that when a narcissist upsets you or crosses a boundary that rather than apologizing, they will look for ways to reenter into your life and get you to acknowledge them or talk to them without actually apologizing for anything they've done to you. Okay? Because apologizing for anything they've done to you is an acknowledgement of guilt or an acknowledgement of them doing something wrong. Are you following me? So what they're going to do instead is they're going to circumvent, which just means go around having to apologize you, but they're going to use and be strategic in getting access to you in a way that doesn't require them to first apologize to you. So this is I'll give you an example of a great technique that a narcissist will use to avoid apologizing to you. So let's say for the sake of example me and you are in a talking stage and you know me and you were having a disagreement one day and the disagreement starts to escalate. It gets a little bit more heated and then all of a sudden I start calling you crazy names. I'm calling you B-words. I'm calling you the H word, the C word. I'm talking so crazy to you, talking so disrespectful to you that you end up uh bursting out. You're crying. You're balling your eyes out. You go home like you're super upset. And I know you're upset and I know how why and how I upset you. Okay. Now, rather than me apologizing for upsetting you, I'm going to blame it on you because I'm going to say that you are the problem and you upsetting me is what made me say those things. But I I'm definitely not going to admit that I did anything wrong by apologizing and telling you that I did something wrong. But in this scenar in this example, let's say next week though, we are supposed to go to a party, right? where we both share some mutual friends and I know the person who's throwing the party and you know the person who's throwing the party. So rather than me acknowledging through text or calling you and having a conversation with you and apologizing for what happened, I'm just going to wait until I see you at the party, you're drunk, you got some liquor in you, and I know that if I come up to you at that party that you see me at and I just say something like, "Yo, so are you still mad at me? You still upset? Yo, we should be cool now. are we cool now?

[00:46:32]That you're going to feel so pressured to acknowledge me and speak to me because now I'm catching you in person that I can get us to laugh about it or giggle about it or for you to just say, "I guess it's water under the bridge.

[00:46:44]It's not that big big of a deal." But in reality, I didn't actually apologize for anything. I didn't acknowledge any wrongdoing. I didn't acknowledge anything. I just came up to you and basically forced your hand. And because you couldn't set the boundary and say, "Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're not going to get access to me." and have me start chatting and talking to you like it's normal just because you're seeing me at this party. No, you wrong me. You crossed a boundary. You don't get to have access to me now just because you're seeing me at this party. You still have no access to me. Right? But a lot of times you're not thinking that way or you're not thinking, oh, it's you're thinking it's not that deep. That was a week ago and I'm seeing him at this party now and whatever. He's laughing. He's telling jokes so it's whatever. And a lot of times narcissists are going to do whatever it is, whether it's got they got to tell jokes, they got to just come up to you straight forward. They do whatever they need to do to go around apologizing to you. It's part of the reason why I tell you if you're taking a step back and withdrawing from a man, you should be anticipating the places that he could possibly see you or come across you by not actually planning to see you. You understand what I'm saying? Like not actually apologizing and saying, "Hey, can we meet up so I can apologize and talk about this thing?" Right? Because a narcissist is really going to be trying to avoid that and catch you in a place where he can get you in person especially and get you to speak to him and acknowledge him and basically forgive him without having to him to have to apologize to you about anything.

[00:48:12]Right? That way he can get the same access to you, get back in your life in the same way that he was once in your life, but he never really apologized about anything or anything that was going on in the relationship. Right?

[00:48:24]It's a win-win for him because he gets to have the same access to you while simultaneously not having to acknowledge that he did anything wrong. It's why I want you to be looking out for that because uh men are definitely going to try to do that when they have these type of narcissistic personality traits.

[00:48:44]Right?

[00:48:46]Are you following me? Right. Uh Ta T Taja says uh let me scroll up to see what Taja says. Taja says, "I don't think uh that's narcissism if they are apologizing. Narcs are literally incapable of seeing themselves as an issue uh even for play." Yes, I agree. I agree. Maybe you were talking to someone else as well, but I agree. Uh I don't think that nar narcissist uh someone who has is a narcissist is going to ever feel comfortable apologizing about anything that they do or say which is why I say that a narcissist will definitely be avoiding apologies. Are you following me so far? Definitely avoiding apologies. Okay, does that make sense?

[00:49:29]Right.

[00:49:32]Okay. I was wondering why you guys were putting the YouTube logo in the uh YouTube chat. Okay. Uh, so number one was love at first sight. Number two, guilt tripping, right? Number three, exis from hell. Number four, availability aggression. Number five, they will avoid apologies at all costs.

[00:49:51]Number six is also one that I know you guys probably haven't heard before, but it's 2024 type stuff because narcissism is going to show itself in different ways. And of course, with technology, it's going to look a little bit different. So, I actually want you to pick up on this because it's really important and I want you to pay attention to this because I don't think a lot of people talk about this. All right? But when I talk about it, you'll realize that this is a thing. So, number six is what I describe as textbombing.

[00:50:23]Now, for some of you, that immediately clicks in your mind when I say it. For some of you, you're like, "What are you talking about?" It's okay. We'll explain. We'll we'll have a chat. So what I mean by textbombing is when a guy will when he wants to contact you whether it be because he wants to ask you a message or he wants to just chat with you or you know he just wants to communicate with you overall. He will text you or in some cases he'll call you right and when he is ready to speak to you when he is ready to talk to you and communicate with you he will text you the first time. If you do not answer in the first two to three minutes of him texting you when he is ready to communicate with you, he'll spam you with text messages and even phone calls until you respond to him because it's not okay for you to be doing anything with your life when he is ready to communicate and talk to you in that moment. And so this is something that you'll notice with people with narcissistic personality uh traits that when he's ready to communicate with you, he expects you to be waiting hand and knee ready to communicate with him and respond to him over text message especially in seconds. And if it takes you any longer than a few minutes to respond to him, he's upset and you're the problem. You're the issue. Okay?

[00:51:53]You'll notice that a lot. And you'll also notice that in conjunction with the fact that when he is not ready to communicate or talk to you, you will barely ever hear from him. If you have something that you need to address, if you have a question for him, whether it be a simple question or a complex question, anything that you need from him that you send him a message on or you need some communication on, if he is not ready to talk to you, he's not in the mood to talk to you, he's out somewhere doing something, he can't reach you or talk to you right now, whatever the issue or reason may be, if he's not prepared to talk to you, you will barely hear from him, right, until you like, you literally won't hear from him until the next time basically that he's ready to communicate with you because he needs something from you. And you'll notice that a lot of the times anytime you need something, he's very very slow to communicate. But anytime he needs something, his expectation is of you that you will immediately respond to him in that moment. And you will get spammed with texts and calls until you respond because the expectation is not that you would spend time doing any How dare you is what they're feeling in their mind. How dare you do anything with your life that requires you to not be paying your full and utter attention to me that when I want you and want time with you, it's the same thing as availability aggression. I want time with you. I want to communicate with you. I want an answer from you. You better give me that answer right now. Cuz if you don't give me that answer right now, there's going to be a problem. And you know, you know what the where the problem stems from?

[00:53:41]The problem stems from you. Because when I needed you and I wanted you, you should be there for me. You should not ever do anything that does not require you or give you the ability to be there for me. If it's work that's the issue that's not allowing you to be there for me, you should be checking your phone at work and have your phone on loud in case I need to reach you. If you're with friends, you should have your phone on vibrate or on standby that if I ever call you, you call me right back or you answer the phone. There should never be a time or a place or a reason in which you I can't reach you when I feel like reaching you. And if there is a time or a place or a friendship that's not allowing me to reach you when I want to reach you, you need to get rid of that job. You need to get rid of that friend group. You need to stay away from those family members. You need to stop doing whatever activity is preventing you from allowing me to reach you when I want to reach you because you're mine. You belong to me and you cannot exist any way, shape, or form outside of me.

[00:54:46]Are you following? Okay, I'm explaining to you this mindset and why guys do this type of thing. When they don't see you as an individual, it's very painful for them to even be able to fathom the idea that when he texts you, you would not text him back immediately because your responsibility in life is to appease him and make him happy and make sure that when he wants you, wants to see you, or wants to speak to you, this is kind of the this is the communication version of a available availability aggression, right? when he wants to speak to you and communicate with you, you better be available to communicate. And if you're not, once again, you are going to be the problem. And I'm going to guilt trip you and make you feel like you are the problem so that you are forced to make a change in your behavior to be more adjusted to what I want from you and what I expect from you. And until you make that adjustment, you will continue to be the problem and I'll continue to make you feel like you're the problem.

[00:55:51]Following, right? Uh Soulcribe says, "You got the stuff down. I just experienced these things and finally blocked him this morning." Yes. This is one of those things too. Text bombing. I know we we've heard of love bombing, but text bombing is one of these kind of new age things that a lot of us are going through um with people who have the this narcissistic type of personality that a lot of us don't discuss because it's like 2024, you know, text messaging and is is is you know, stuff that us we're doing now, but we haven't done you know, since the beginning of time type of thing. But it's something that needs to be addressed because it definitely is something that exists when you're in a relationship with someone like this. You following me? Right. So, uh, number one was love at first sight.

[00:56:38]Number two, guilt tripping. Number three, ex's from hell. Uh, number four, availability aggression. Number five, obviously they're going to avoid apologies. Number six was text bombing.

[00:56:48]And number seven, and a very interesting one, is you'll notice that when someone's a narcissist, and this is a clue that you'll spot early, you'll notice that they become very uncomfortable with the idea of your growth.

[00:57:08]You'll notice this early on as well when you're in conversation with someone who has these really strong narcissistic personality traits.

[00:57:18]When you start talking about growth or you start talking about bettering yourself, making your life better, doing more for yourself, investing in that's like saying a bad word. Investing in yourself, thinking about yourself more, growing as a human being.

[00:57:42]How dare you?

[00:57:44]Why? Because if you start investing in yourself, if you start thinking about growing, if you start thinking about, you know, getting better or improving, what's going to happen is maybe you'll grow to the point where you realize you're actually not doing anything for me. Maybe you'll grow to the point you realize, oh, actually, you're you're disrespecting me. Actually, you have no respect for me. Actually, you don't treat me right in this relationship.

[00:58:13]Actually, I deserve better than you.

[00:58:16]And so someone with narcissistic personality traits is going to be discouraging you or feel or or give you emotions of discouragement anytime you try to even mention growth in your life or getting better in your life or improving it. And this is this is actually this is a very interesting one because you'll notice early on that a narcissist like a true narcissist cannot even hide it on their face the disappointment or discouragement they feel when you start talking about improving or growing, right? They literally can't hide it on their face because it's so frustrating to them the idea that you're going to start doing things for yourself. You're going to have some sort of independence. Oh, god forbid. God forbid you have some sort of independence. God forbid you start realizing your worth. God forbid you have some self-respect and are willing to walk away from things that don't serve you anymore.

[00:59:15]Don't try it. Don't do it. Right? And they it's so painful because they start to realize, I might lose you if you start growing. If you start on this path of bettering yourself, I might lose you because in order for my narcissistic personality to be able to dominate you, right? and suppress everything that you want for yourself. You have to be in a position where you have nothing going for yourself. You have no um mindset that's focused on any sort of self-improvement or getting better.

[00:59:45]Right? Because I want you weak. I want you focused on me. I want you thinking that you're the problem. I want you suppressed. I want you docile. And the only thing I ever want you to think is how horrible of a person you are. So, you can only be focused on fixing and adjusting your behavior and basically being on a hamster wheel where you're constantly thinking you're the problem, so you got to do more to fix the problem. And when you fix the problem, I get more of what I want. But then I don't tell you that I actually got what I want from you. I just make you continuously feel worse about yourself.

[01:00:18]So, you'll continuously try to fix the problem. You're on a hamster wheel just like this, chasing your tail around trying to figure out what the next issue and problem is that you need to solve so that you can be a better person, right?

[01:00:31]But you never actually solve that issue.

[01:00:33]You never actually feel like you did something right. You always feel like you're constantly doing something wrong.

[01:00:39]So the moment he hears anything or I'll even just not even say him in general, the moment they hear anything about growth or improvement or getting better in your life, that's going to speak to the mindset that maybe you're going to start realizing you're on a hamster wheel. He doesn't want you to realize you're on a hamster wheel. That's very dangerous for him, right? He wants you to be docile, be unaware, and be focused on everything that you're doing wrong.

[01:01:06]Cuz if you start thinking about growth and getting better, you'll actually be realizing, uh, this doesn't make sense what I'm doing here. Actually, it's not me that's the problem. Actually, it's you that's the problem. Actually, it's not me that I should just stick around and take disrespect and feel bad for abandoning you because you're disrespecting me. I actually should stand up for myself and walk away from you for disrespecting me. And it's not it's not a crime that I don't want you to disrespect me. Right? They want you to never realize that. And if you're of a if you're in a growth mind frame, you're eventually going to realize that in the process of growing, which is why they can't hide the discouragement on their face that you are interested in getting better or growing. So, if you notice that you're telling him stories of how you want to get a better job and how now you're going to the gym and you feel so much better about yourself, you've lost 10 pounds. This is another Okay, I don't want to scare you. Okay, I'm just going to try to give you an example. Maybe some of you have been through this or not.

[01:02:08]One, a really interesting one. And I've even experienced this myself. If you start talking too much about the idea of wanting to lose weight, especially you as a woman, the idea of you wanting to lose weight, go to the gym, get in the best shape of your life, really take care of your body, and really start looking like the supermodel that you want to feel like. And a a narcissist, you're in a relationship with a narcissist, that's going to be very discouraging to a narcissist. And you know what a narcissist is going to try to do? A narcissist is going to try to tell you, "Why would you want to go to the gym? Why would you want to work out?

[01:02:45]Why would you want to get a better body?

[01:02:47]You want to be like all these IG models with their clothes half off. You want to be like all these OFA models with with wearing no clothes and going out and being promiscuous. You want to be like a Jezebel? No, I just want to feel better about myself." Right? But he'll try to convince you that you going to the gym and trying to get a tighter body and a better body is because you want to be a hoe. because you want to be out there, because you want to be a slooh. How dare you want that for yourself? But it's really about the idea that if you begin to become better and a better version of yourself, you might realize actually, I don't need this. Actually, I can do so much better than this. Now that I'm going to the gym and feeling better about myself, not only am I in a better place mentally, but I also realize how desired I am by a whole bunch of guys who will do more for me than you're doing for me. So, why would I stay in a relationship with you when you're doing absolutely nothing for me and treating me with a whole bunch of disrespect when there's a whole bunch of guys just from me going out and being at the gym that I know would gladly take your spot. They don't want you to realize that. So, they're going to discourage you from any activity or thing that's going to show or improve your mental health, improve your mind frame, improve your mind state, or your being as an individual.

[01:04:04]Okay? Right. So, are you do you guys have any questions about what we just discussed today? Okay. So, number one was love at first sight. Number two was guilt tripping. Number three was exes from hell. Number four was availability aggression. Number five avoids apologies. Number six, text bombing. And number seven, growth discouragement.

[01:04:23]Okay. Right. Uh Nisha says, "How do you co-parent with a covert narcissist?" I think that that's uh not that I don't want to answer your question, but I think that that's even a whole show that we might have to do for a whole another day because that's going to have to be a whole strategy that you're going to have to put together from A to B. You know what I mean? So, do you guys have any questions about what we discussed?

[01:04:45]Right.

[01:04:47]Um, uh, Jennifer says, uh, the the start posting on Instagram like mad meds when you leave them. That's definitely another thing that they'll do. That's definitely another thing that they'll do 100%. Okay. Right. Uh Blue and Bella says, "Uh, how do you deal with the one uh that ignores you?" Like the narcissist that ignores you. Okay, guys, my advice is not for you to purposely get into a relationship with a narcissist. So, if you can identify these traits in a guy, then that's the you need to be avoiding that guy, okay?

[01:05:17]Not trying to figure out how to make that relationship work with that guy.

[01:05:21]Okay?

[01:05:22]Right. Uh Moonlight says, "Man, he meets all the red flags." Damn. If you're if you're thinking of a guy that you're talking to and you're hearing me talk about this and the guy I'm talking about meets all of those red flags, then yeah, you probably got to do some re-evaluating. You probably got to you got probably got to do some reevaluating. Someone said, "I missed the love at first sight." That's perfectly fine. On the top of my head here is my YouTube name. So, all you have to do is go um type that in on YouTube and you'll find my YouTube channel cuz I'm live on YouTube as I'm live on Tik Tok as well. So once you get on to YouTube, you'll be able to find uh my username there and you'll be able to um watch the show and rewind it because it's available in the live section there. So don't worry if you missed part of it. All right. Uh Blue Embella says he was so sweet and out of the blue he stopped texting me uh and he calls himself positive. It's It'd be crazy that way. It'd be crazy that way. Um someone says, "I did similar things in a toxic relationship, but I wouldn't do it unless I feel insecure." Okay, that's at least at least you honest. You honest.

[01:06:24]Okay. Uh, someone says, what did you say here? What did you say here? Uh, user says, Thompson, where the hell were you three years ago? I went through all that you said. He broke my heart. I'm here now. I hear a lot of people say that.

[01:06:36]They're like, where were you in my life one year ago or 6 months ago or 3 years ago, right? I love that. That's funny.

[01:06:42]You know, timing is everything. So, I'm here now and I'm here every single weekday. So, the best part is you never have to go a single weekday without seeing me. And there's lots of content every single day. So you can hear my voice until you're literally tired.

[01:06:55]Okay. Until you're literally tired, right?

[01:06:59]Uh ABC says, "Uh, I haven't been triggered this bad even though I I came this late." Yes. Don't interact with an arc. Uh once you know he's an arc, you'll become one. It's true. It's true.

[01:07:11]Once you I This is This advice I'm giving you guys cuz I know some of you take the advice and you utilize it in very different ways. This is this advice isn't to help you combat dealing with a narcissist. So like you're like, "Okay, the guy I'm dating is a narcissist, so I'm just going to continue dating him even though he's a narcissist and figure out how to work with it." No, this advice is to help you spot one so you don't even have to date one in the first place. You understand what I'm saying?

[01:07:35]Now, I think it was I don't know if it was Bella that said it. If that's your baby daddy, that's a whole different story. That that requires a whole different strategy. Okay. Um, someone says, uh, when Elena says, "When you finally hold them accountable, let me let me go back. When you finally hold them accountable, they disappear too."

[01:07:52]100%. 100%. When you start holding narcissists accountable or just people of that that mind frame and that or have those personality traits, it becomes a problem. It becomes a problem. Someone says, "Also, tap the show to show your support for the content." Yes, please tap the show when you guys like. It does help the content and help the algorithm so that it can push it out to more people. You guys know I I appreciate that. Jade says, "My a narcissistic ex owes me $700 and he doesn't have money right now uh to pay me back. Then he blocked me, but my friend just saw he posted Japanese cash on his story where he just landed. That's crazy, Jade. And that's even crazier that not only did he post like, you know, himself like out and about, but he even posted like cold hard cash. cold hard cash that he could have deposited in the bank and sent to you. That is insane. Uh yeah, one of one of the things there uh when it comes to money is uh a lot of times when you end those relationships with guys and guys like that, trust me, they you you never getting that money back. You're better off just accepting it as a loss. Okay?

[01:08:57]It's uh it's it's crazy. Uh Cho says, "Tho, who inspired you to make this channel in the first place?" Uh my inspiration came from a couple of different things, but mainly because of in analyzing the things that I've been through in my own life and in my own relationships, the things I've went through and even the ways I've treated people as well. Cuz I don't want you guys to ever believe that I'm here in front of you because I'm a perfect person. I really don't want you guys to believe in that idea uh that I am a perfect person because I sit here and I talk to you guys about relationships.

[01:09:28]Part of why I'm able to discuss the mind state of a toxic guy or a guy that has mistreated you in the past is because I've been that guy. You understand what I'm saying? So, I know how I was acting and I know what my mind frame was when I was acting that way. So, I never want to present to you guys this idea that I'm a perfect human being who doesn't make mistakes. That's part of the reason why I can actually tell you the mindset of those type of guys. You understand what I'm saying, right? Uh, Christina says, "Uh, do your male friends, uh, like you giving away all the secrets?" Um, it doesn't matter what they think, to be honest. Like, it really doesn't matter what they think. Um, I'm not someone who cares whether people like me or not. So, if they don't like me giving away all the secrets, then I mean, I guess be mad and don't be my friend anymore. I have lots of friends, so it's not going to bother me. And I have you all, so it's not going to bother me if uh some people don't like me cuz I'm giving away secrets. Boohoo.

[01:10:26]Sorry. Uh uh so Kibby or is it KB? KB says, "Have you changed?" Um I think that I'm growing every single day. I'll never say that I'm 180% 80° different uh completely cured and I am a perfect human being. Because the idea that oh I made mistakes before, but now I'm better, I'm changed. I don't make mistakes. I'm such an amazing human being now. No, I can still uh be toxic in some ways. I can still have toxic traits. I can still make mistakes myself. I'm not a perfect human being. I never want to stop mentioning that to you all so that you not you guys never uh stop understanding that. I just really don't like when people come on a platform and then they tell you do your life like this. Do this because everything you've been doing in your life is absolutely wrong. Be more like me. be if you would just be more like me, your life would be so much better because you see how perfect I am. You see how amazing I am. No, it's just it just it just so fake. It's so stupid. I hate I just hate that. I hate that. You understand what I'm saying? We're all human beings. I learn from you all as well. So, the idea that I that's why I also tell you guys I may not know everything. I might I might make mistakes. I might be a dumb dumb and say the wrong thing because I'm just one human being with one single perspective.

[01:11:45]And I also can't possibly speak for every single guy. That's the other thing. guys come on here and they say, "You don't speak for every single man.

[01:11:52]How dare you talk about that's not how I think. That's not how I approach relationships." I'm like, "Yeah, I don't speak for every single man. I can't possibly. I'm just one single human being with one single perspective. I try to understand different perspectives, but it's impossible for me to possibly speak for every man in their existence."

[01:12:09]Okay?

[01:12:11]Okay, guys. With that being said, it is time.

[01:12:19]Do you know what time it is?

[01:12:24]I want to know if you know what time it is. Do you know what time it is? Can you tell me what time it is? Here we go now.

[01:12:33]Do you know what time it is? Can you tell me what time it is? Here we go now.

[01:12:37]Can you tell me what time it is? Do you know what time it is? Here we go now.

[01:12:41]Tell me what time it is. I want to know what time it is in the chat now. What time is it in the chat now? Tell me what time is it in the chat now. What time is it in the chat now? Tell me what time it is in the chat now. What time is it in the chat now? What time it is in the chat now? What time it is? Want to know what time it is. I want to know what time it is. I want to know what time know what time.

[01:13:26]Discord.

[01:13:36]Yeah, we like to have fun here on the players club. I need a drink of water. Okay, for those of you who are unfamiliar with what Discord time even is, maybe you're like really confused on what that even was supposed to be. Okay, I'll let you know right now. Discord time is essentially when all the beautiful, amazing people in the players club get an opportunity to ask me questions in the Discord and I will answer them live on the show. Okay, so let's hop into the Discord now. And first, because today is a special day, we're going to do something very special by opening up our premium relationship advice questions first. Now, let me remind you guys who weren't here earlier that missed me talking about this. This is a new thing we're doing in the Players Club. So, you guys, I know we have a lot of questions in the Players Club and in the Players Club Discord that I have to answer and I'm backed up. So, I've given you the option now to either apply for a free regular question in which there's a queue of people, right? I have to answer one. It's first come, first serve before the next one. And you can ask your question that way. However, it's probably going to take me to be honest with you that I'm I'm two weeks behind.

[01:14:49]So, it's probably going to take me a few shows before your question gets answered.

[01:14:53]However, if you really are impatient and you want your question to be answered ASAP, when you send it in, you can send it into the premium relationship advice section. However, you have to donate to the show in order for your question to get answered from the premium relationship advice section. That's the only way you'll actually be able to skip the line. The way that you verify that that's you is when you send in your donation to the show when you're putting your message in on PayPal, you just have to put in your username and the title of your question. And I have my PayPal open up right here. So, I'm going through it and I can see when you send in your question that that's you. I verify and then I read out your question. Don't do what Luna did. Okay, Luna down here. She did not send in her question. Sorry, she did not send in uh the donation to the show, but she put her question in relationship advice section. If I see you guys doing that multiple times thinking that I'm going to forget and and help you skip the line and answer your question, you will get banned from the Discord. Don't abuse that, okay? And I'm very serious about that because we want to be fair to everyone in the in the Discord that if you're going to have a free question, that's perfectly fine, but you're going to have to wait your turn. The people who are donating to the show are the people who are going to be first in line. Let's just keep it fair.

[01:16:14]Don't abuse the privilege of me giving you guys the options by putting your question in premium relationship advice section when it's not meant to be there.

[01:16:22]The first time you do it, we'll call it a mistake. If I see you do it a second time, you will get banned from the Discord. Okay? I'm very serious about that. Be respectful of everyone else in the Discord. For those of you who want to uh don't know how to even send in your question, uh just go ahead and click the link in my bio if you're on TikTok or the uh and then once you go into link in the bio, just hit where it says join the Discord. It'll take you right to the the regular relationship advice section. And then for those of you uh who are on YouTube, just go to the pin comment or in the link in the description and when you go to join the Discord, it'll take you to the regular free free free version. Now, if you want the premium version, you're going to see it says in the channel premium relationship advice at the top, okay? Uh so just keep that in mind. Also, before we get started here, let's acknowledge Electric Field's donation. Electric Field says, "Uh, would you date you or would you steer clear of you?" To be very honest with you, I would actually date me just because there's a lot of perks to dating me. So, I'll just leave it like that. I'm not going to toot my own horn, but yes, to answer your question, I would date me as I currently am. Okay? Maybe not necessarily in the past, but as I am now, yes, I would date me because I know where my mindset is at. So, first year and premium relationship advice section, we have here Joanna.

[01:17:36]Okay, Joanna sent in her donation. So, we are going to read hers out right now.

[01:17:41]All right.

[01:17:43]Uh, let's see here. So, uh, Joanna says, "After 10 years, still in need for advice." Okay, let's see. Joanna, so she says, "Hi, Thompson. Excuse my bang bad English, not my mother tongue. That's fine. Uh, I'm 39. Sending you this message to ask you if you think I can save this mess or if you think there's any way uh what's the best way to react.

[01:18:09]Uh, he was 26 and I was 32 in 2016.

[01:18:13]Okay. Uh, we met in front of a movie theater. Uh, the guy then came to talk to me describing himself as a priest h and a scoundrel.

[01:18:26]Uh, okay. Uh, I rejected him and we stopped talking.

[01:18:34]One or two months later, he came back and suggested meeting up.

[01:18:40]We had deep conversations uh where he opened up. At f you should have been asking him why he describes himself as a scoundrel. At our first date, it was great. We had uh about 10 dates over 3 months. Okay, that's quite a bit.

[01:18:54]sharing our values and worldviews.

[01:18:57]However, he one time cancelled at the last minute and sometimes disappeared for a week or more. Was he was he preaching?

[01:19:07]Uh didn't address it. Although he didn't kiss me, we continued to date regularly, which made me feel confused about his intentions. Plus the fact he still didn't kiss me. He started to seem so worried in our dates, very shy, even withdrawn, and even uh tried to sleep with me, which left me in a confusion state. So before he tried to kiss you, he tried to sleep with you. Interesting.

[01:19:33]Finally, during uh a date, he ended up kissing me by suddenly jumping on my face.

[01:19:40]Okay, I was reassured, but it continued to bother me more and more that he would contact he wouldn't contact me for one or two weeks. That's very strange. I was in a state of total anxiety. Uh, this is where it goes downhill. He invited me to a party at a friend's place. His friend tried to hit hit on me heavily. They argued. He mentioned to me his friend mentioned to me his friend's ex many times and tries to tell me that his friend had performance issues. We slept together that night and had and he had performance issues.

[01:20:17]So sorry I'm just in pain for you because you slept with him. Not that you know it was it's been a while you know but you slept with him and then it was horrible basically which didn't reassure me in the morning.

[01:20:32]Uh, he was at his worst with his head in his hands as if it was a disaster. Does he have a micropen chat? Does this sound like someone with a micropen? Uh, he told me I'm completely in love with you with a desperate look. He wouldn't talk and he left. Damn, your squirtle's that that that nice.

[01:20:53]Your [ __ ] lubricated, huh? Oh, sorry. I shouldn't even be cursing. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I apologize. After that, we dated again a few times, but he refused to come to my place or bring me to his.

[01:21:06]Is he like, "That's kind of weird."

[01:21:07]Like, why is he that why is he acting scared? Why is he scared of women? Uh, I asked him if he had a girlfriend, to which he assured me he didn't. And yeah, that's a good question you asked there because what? Like, bro, you slept with a woman and you're scared now of her?

[01:21:20]This is weird. Like, bro, get a grip. Uh yet he had taken me to his mother's place where I met his brother. We had arguments because I became a bit paranoid about it all. He felt uh I felt he lied. I'm starting to question this as well. I tried to contact him a few weeks later, but he claimed to be in Barcelona with his brother and father and his father. His brother and that his father had died. That's what he claimed.

[01:21:47]Barcelona. True. Uh that his father died. A lie. That's what I thought.

[01:21:52]Sound like a lie. So, his father didn't die. Very strange. Could it be? We'll see though. But could it be that because he's a priest, he's not supposed to be having, you know, pineapples before marriage? Maybe that's why he feels so ashamed. Uh, I kept in touch because I needed to understand cuz you said priest. I was just like, what? I suggested meeting up several times, but he kept uh calling late at night and sending messages without following up.

[01:22:15]Are priests supposed to be up late at night? I don't know. A few months later in 2017, I started a new relationship, but he kept coming back to talk to me.

[01:22:23]He admitted that he was still living with his ex when we were dating. I thought he was a chat. Isn't he a priest? What? I thought you said that he was a priest.

[01:22:36]He describing himself as a priest and a scoundrel. Is that just like, oh, I'm like a priest or that's his occupation?

[01:22:47]I just that's a weird way to describe like I just that's a very weird way to describe himself. I don't know. Let's Okay, maybe he's not a priest. He's just saying that in his mind like he's like a priest.

[01:22:59]What? Uh he told me he was impressed by me and that he uh hadn't started I'm just reading all this at the same time by me and that he felt he wasn't enough for me. I didn't tell him I was in a new relationship and I didn't answer his late night calls on weekends.

[01:23:19]I mean, being in a new relationship is not a crime, but why why even entertain it if you're in a new one? Uh, but we were talking. Why?

[01:23:28]Then my relationship went wrong 6 months later and I fell back into endless conversation with him. Cool. So, when you got lonely, you went back to the guy that wasn't even working out with in the first place. We saw each other uh twice a in a year.

[01:23:45]That's insane. Because he rarely asked to see me and at the last minute uh when he was with friends in my neighborhood, which I declined. What's the point of this then? Like why why why are you even entertaining a relationship that's going nowhere fast? We ended up running into each other by chance at an art opening in 2019. We spent the evening together.

[01:24:07]the evening together. I saw by uh coincidence on his phone that he skipped a date with a girl to stay here. We went to a bar, a club, and he came back to my place, of course, where things went pretty much the same way but better since he was a bit more performing, but we didn't go through with it. This is very weird. Why does he have that much anxiety about being I'm sure you're pretty and beautiful and awesome and I'm sure your Squirtles gripping and it's lubricated and it's really nice, but it is a bit strange that he has this much anxiety about sleeping with a woman.

[01:24:44]Like you're a human being at the end of the day. I just think that there's it's just very just rubs me the wrong way. I feel like you need to do some digging why that is such a anxietyinducing experience for him at uh the age of how old is he here? You said he uh was 26 at the time. It just that's uh it's strange that the experience is so anxietyinducing for him. Uh we stayed together the next day and it was lovely. However, he disappeared again for that 2 weeks. Where is he going for all this time? and didn't respond when he decided uh to disappear to reappear. You meant to say at the end of 2019, he contacted me begging me to reply. Sounds a lot like kind of what I disco talked about with text bombing.

[01:25:29]It's like when he wants to communicate with you, he expects you to communicate right now. I wanted to know what he had to say. He explained he wanted to be with me but was too impressed by me and reminded me that he was on anti-depressants which prevented him from doing many things in his life.

[01:25:47]what which I already knew since he had shared before. Okay, I I I won't pretend to know what it's like to be on anti-depressants and how it affects your mind frame. So, let's even stay clear of there. Let's assume that he's telling the truth on that.

[01:26:03]Regardless of how the anti-depressants are affecting his mind frame, at the end of the day, if he likes you, it's not an excuse to say, "I'm going to go ghost on you because I like you so much."

[01:26:18]Like, that's not an acceptable excuse because you can't build a relationship that way. What is he supposed to say?

[01:26:24]Oh, I was going to marry you, but before I proposed, I had to disappear for one month, and then after I proposed, I had to disappear for another year because I was so nervous about actually marrying you. Like, we're not children, okay?

[01:26:38]Like, I get it. He's going through things. Let's even assume everything he's talking about, his anti-depressants and his performance anxiety is actually true. But at the end of the day, you're a woman who needs a man. Like I'm sorry to Okay, I have to let you guys know.

[01:26:54]You do know back in the day when we were cavemen, all the strongest, most mightful uh uh uh individuals and men, right? The best hunters, they got all the women in the village. All of them.

[01:27:08]Okay? Meaning like there was a handful of all the best hunters who were strong and powerful and mighty. They slept with every woman. Not some, they slept with every woman. The soy boys who were too shy to go out on the hunt, collect and kill deer, bring back food for the village, and do anything, right? The ones that were too shy soy boys, they couldn't take anything if their life depended on it. They sat back and they watched all the strongest men in the village sleep with all the women and they just had to sit in the corner and wank themselves off hoping for their day to get an opportunity. Okay, I'm saying that to help you understand there comes a certain point in your life where as a woman you just need a man, right? It's not your job to be saying, "Well, they're there, boy. Uh hopefully one day you can be strong enough and and confident enough to actually be with me at you need a man." So, yes, I get it.

[01:28:08]He's his anti-depressants is making it hard for him and he's got performance anxiety and all that good stuff. But you need a man. It's not a crime that you need a man. So, at the end of the day, you can't be sitting around being like, "Oh, well, it's okay that you go ghost because it's just because you like me so much." At the end of the day, you need a man that can protect and provide for you, not someone that you're going to have to like coddle to have some confidence. It's just ridiculous. Okay.

[01:28:36]During the pandemic, we stopped talking.

[01:28:38]In 2020, we saw each other again after the lockdown, but no follow-up next week. So, I immediately started um a new serious relationship right after. Okay.

[01:28:47]So, this is starting to look like you're having this issue that you don't want to be lonely. Cuz as soon as you're as soon as he stops talking to you, you're talking to a new guy. You're talking to the new guy, then as soon as you stop talking to the new guy, you go right to him. That's not a good sign. Uh cuz you've said that multiple times. now where things took a more serious turn with the new BF. He came uh back to talk to me asking what he did wrong on the date and I think I told him that uh he was ghosting me each time. Why are you even answering him when you have a new boyfriend? That's inappropriate. He kept talking to me but I was distanced as you Why are you saying that as if it's a bad thing? You should have been. You have a boyfriend. You owe him nothing. I replied anyways. Why are you replying?

[01:29:28]You have a boyfriend.

[01:29:30]He sometimes came to see me in my neighborhood always with friends. Why are you saying that as if that's a justification for seeing a guy who was trying to be romantic with you and you've slept with? That is inappropriate. Guys, I'm not going to condone cheating or inappropriate behavior when you have a relationship with someone else. So, I hope you guys don't come here thinking that I'm going to say I'm going to clap for you and say, "Yes, girl. Date as many men as you possibly can." That is inappropriate.

[01:30:00]Okay? Cuz you know your boyfriend would not be okay with you meeting up with the guy that you slept with, whether it be in a friend group or not or messaging him. Okay? So that's inappropriate. I avoided him as much as possible and I told him I was seeing someone but wanted to talk to me more than I could.

[01:30:23]That's inappropriate. I tried to catch up, but when after a year my relationship failed, you kept this guy on the sidelines, right? So that you would have options. My boyfriend became really too possessive, controlling, and even though we had engagement plans, I had to end it. You see, what you said before is making me question if he was really controlling and possessive or whether you just like to have many men at your disposal, and he's not he's not rolling with that. Okay?

[01:30:55]Because for you to say that you met up with a guy who you slept with multiple times with friends as if like that's perfectly fine and there's nothing wrong with that and you justify it that you're with friends, right? But basically, you've been keeping him on the sidelines and around while you've had this entire relationship and you're saying that the man that was had engagement plans with you was too controlling and possessive.

[01:31:18]It makes me question if he was actually controlling or possessive or if you just like the freedom to do whatever you want to do.

[01:31:25]I'm not saying that you're a bad person, but it does make me question if your perspective on this is actually valid. Okay, let's go on. He came back to see me and did everything to kiss me.

[01:31:40]So, what this is right after you ended your essentially engagement with another man that you saw this new man. Wow.

[01:31:47]Shortly after, since we kept talking, so immediately after you end what's essentially an engagement, you start talking to this guy again.

[01:31:58]Chat, tell me if you think that that's appropriate or not. Maybe I'm confused.

[01:32:04]Uh, I told him I needed clarifications on what had just happened. I suggested a call which he suggested meeting directly to talk about it and then said a day and time and I had to come to him asking for more details on the day and time. I'll tell you tomorrow which made me angry.

[01:32:22]So I canceled the meeting without notice for a few hours. He didn't react at all and said no problem and continued to talk to me as if nothing happened. From there I got angry and I called him. He didn't answer and and even blamed me for calling late. I told him if it was impossible to have a simple conversation with him, then he should never talk to me again and I blocked him. Why are you okay?

[01:32:46]You're acting as if you're super surprised that the guy that has been you've been going through the exact same situation with multiple times, you're going through the same situation again with for like the third or fourth time.

[01:33:02]Why are you expecting this to go differently when nothing has changed? He called me several times but obviously uh obviously and I removed him from Facebook and everywhere. Hopefully this is the end. I moved to uh Bucharest but despite a few encounters and I haven't found the ideal partner. Okay. I think you might need to take a chill pill for a while on uh you know more and more relationships. I think you need a break.

[01:33:27]In 2022 I sent him a picture of Bucharest. We exchanged briefly. Why are you still entertaining this same guy? He was clearly shocked that I had no longer live. What even happened? So you unblocked him on everything. So you unblocked him on everything and then you sent him a picture. What was the plan there? Uh that I no longer lived in Paris, seemed to want uh seemed to want to make me jealous which only uh bored me and I stopped talking. So you sent him a picture of you only to stop talking to him again. You don't think that you're wasting your own time? He called me a month later to say he missed me. Was jealous of my boyfriend and Bucharest.

[01:34:07]What's the point of any of this? Wanted to come see me. We had a deep talk by phone, but he stopped texting me and he never came. Does he only find you interesting enough to talk to when you have a boyfriend? This is weird. I had a mis call three times later at 4:00 a.m.

[01:34:23]and uh exasperated.

[01:34:26]Uh I asked why he called. he replied. I seemed angry and bitterly asked if I still lived in Bucharest. I didn't tell him that I had just came back to Paris and blocked him. Chat, what is the point of this?

[01:34:41]What is the point of anything you're doing here? Recently, he contacted me via Facebook asking if I lived in Paris.

[01:34:47]I replied yes for 2 years and that is too complicated to communicate with him.

[01:34:52]And then he tried to start conversations again to which I barely reacted and didn't look at his last message. I feel I can do better than that guy. What was the What was the point? What was the point? He told me traumatic things about his child. What was the point?

[01:35:10]No. No. No. Like this is not a disc, but like what what advice do you need from me?

[01:35:17]You have been okay Joanna. You have been doing the same thing with the same man for 10 years. A decade of your life wasted doing the exact same thing with the exact same results for 10 valuable years of your amazing life.

[01:35:38]At a certain point, it just becomes a choice to actively waste your life away cuz that's what you've been doing. The first time you identified this issue and this pattern in behavior should have been the last time you dealt with it.

[01:35:51]Instead, you chose to go back to him multiple times and experience the same result and the same ending multiple times.

[01:36:02]And you continue to go back hoping that this time would be different simply because you were just lonely. That's essentially what it was because you hopped right back to him as soon as you stopped being in a relationship with your boyfriend. even to the point where you would have boyfriends and still be entertaining him, keeping him on the sidelines for when you ended your relationship so you could go back to being with him. If your ex fiance, the guy that you got you had plans to have an engagement with was too possessive and controlling for you and that was too much, then go ahead, continue being with this guy where he won't possess you or control you at all, but he also won't see you at all either. And he also won't treat you right either. And he also won't take you seriously either.

[01:36:48]This, like I say, you guys send in your questions and I know you want my advice, but this is not meant for me to be nice to you and say, "Oh, you do everything right and it's all his fault and he's the wrong person." At the end of the day, he's who he is, okay? And it shouldn't be a shock to you after 10 years that he's still the same person that he's always been. You are wasting your own time going back to the same person, doing the same thing with them, expecting a different result. That's literally the definition of insanity.

[01:37:16]So, I don't know how to help you any other way than saying if you're serious about moving forward in your life, this should actually be the last time you ever speak to him. Meaning that when you block him on Facebook and on his number and on WhatsApp and on everything, this time you should never ever ever unblock him for any reason whatsoever. Not to send him a picture, not to uh uh have him send you some money, not to do anything with him.

[01:37:44]And this is where I have to sit back and acknowledge the fact that to be honest, you're probably going to do whatever you want to do anyways. So my advice to you is honestly to just do what you want to do because the reality of it is if this has been you for 10 years, I don't think anything I'm going to say to you is going to change your mind on doing what you want to do in the first place cuz it seems like this has been your pattern of behavior. But I will say if you want to see a change, you're actually going to have to change your behavior. All right.

[01:38:14]Next here we have I think we have two uh uh premium questions to do here. Uh, sorry for those of you who uh wanted to get your question answered. I know, but this is how we got to do. We got to be fair to everyone. Um, so this is Marcus Pass. All right. Uh, Marcus Pass says, uh, 52. I'm trying to get my groove back. Okay. So, uh, she says, "Hey, first I say I love your show and I'm always checking for you on YouTube.

[01:38:49]Let me get straight to it." Well, I've been back on the dating scene since about January this year, being married two times since O2. I know, right? Uh, don't ask. It's a long story. I know you scream, "Why?" It's fine. Okay. Uh, when people uh people use old apps, it's uh not good. I'll say that. It's uh not good.

[01:39:12]But you said the dating scene. You didn't say what did you say about apps?

[01:39:15]Oh, you're about to say it. But it's convenient and I can uh order my preferences up with just a few clicks.

[01:39:21]Yeah, you also order up trauma with just a few clicks, too. So, we'll see how that goes. I met this 41-year-old fine as young man on Hinge. Nice. Let's see where it goes. Uh we matched last Wednesday and uh met up at one of our local forest preserves that Friday. So, like a hike. I know that was fast. It's fine. At least you met up with him in real life. But I wanted to gauge the vibe from the jump so it was not a waste of our time. I'm a bigbodied Benz.

[01:39:52]Does that mean you have a big back or you have a big dump truck? Which one?

[01:39:57]Uh, and although I have a I have uh full body picks up, I want to make sure it translates over to real life. Okay. So, you don't want to catfish him. Okay. We walked, talked, and at the end had a passionate kiss. It was so bomb. Okay.

[01:40:11]So, you're both horned up. He texted to make sure I uh made it home and told me I kissed so good. He couldn't he could do it for hours, so he's horned up. I felt the same, but did not reveal that.

[01:40:23]I simply said something like, "You may have the opportunity to do that in the future." You're horned up. It's okay. Uh you do have my attention. You're horned up. Very horned up. Uh my attempt at being uh koi. Anyways, he's been texting me dry SSA morning.

[01:40:42]I think you might say uh like just dry as f uh morning text every day. Okay. I haven't been responding uh after maybe an hour or so. Sorry, I've been responding after maybe an hour or so. I have meetings sometimes, but it's just pleasantries and nothing else. He didn't text or call this past Tuesday, but Wednesday night he texted, "Hey hun, how are you? I want to see you soon." I didn't respond. So, this is going nowhere fast. Thursday morning, I got the standard issue morning text. We uh exchanged pleasantries, but he didn't ask me out. I'm tired of this loweffort already. He hasn't texted me today, but I suspect he will uh reach out at some point. I was telling myself that when he does, I was going to say, "Thanks for the free trial, but I will not be keeping the subscription. Sir, you're so sassy. You're so sassy." Why would you say that? Uh what you think? Don't say that. It just makes you seem bitter.

[01:41:33]Just don't say it. You're the super sassy and bitter for no reason. How should I play it? I'm really interested in getting to know him, but my intuition tells me he's not that interested in me.

[01:41:43]In which case, I can uh certainly peace out. Okay. Uh thank you for the question, 3J mom. My advice to you is to do nothing. Very simple. The reason is to do nothing is because you have to allow guys to come to their own realization of whether or not they want to be in a relationship with you. Um, and this is part of the reason why dating apps are just very useless. Very useless. It's actually part of the reason why I'm working on a special project for all of you that suffer from what goes on in dating apps. I'm working on a very special project for you. And I will not reveal that yet. Okay? It's a very special.

[01:42:17]But here's the thing. When you meet a guy on Hinge, he likes a couple of your pictures. Maybe he likes your voluumptuous body and all that good stuff. So, he's horned up to meet you.

[01:42:28]Yes, of course you can share interest with someone that you meet on Hinge, but most of the time your shared interest is I like the way you look in pictures and he likes and you like the way he looks in pictures. So when you meet each other, it just can be a mesh of personalities that doesn't really work.

[01:42:44]And the same the other problem with dating apps is from the man's perspective, he's supposed to be pursuing you because he wants you and desires you specifically so much that he has to be with you, right? The problem is when he meets you on a dating app, he can only ever think of you as one of another thousand women, right? Because he swiped left and right on a whole bunch of other women before he got to you. And I can assure you, even after he met you, he swiped left and right on hundreds of other women. So, it makes you seem a lot more mundane and regular and average, even though you're not. In his mind, he's thinking there's literally thousands of other women just like you. That's the problem. Because if he were to meet you in a grocery store or to meet you if he was on a hike or to meet you uh you know when he went to an art class or a museum or something, you stand out in his mind way more even though you're the same person because he just doesn't feel like he could encounter someone in that same way the way he encountered you. He feels like there was some sort of fate or chance or just the way he met you, it was meant to be. As opposed to swiping left and right on a dating app, he just feels like, "Yeah, I swiped left. I swipe right just like I did with all the other hundreds of women. So, in his mind, it makes you feel that less special. And even though he went on this date with you and he had a good time with you, in his mind, he's thinking, "Yeah, you know, she's cool, but I probably could meet a hundred other women with just the swipe of my finger in a couple seconds." So, when you start dating these dating app addicts, they're always thinking of the next best thing. You understand what I'm saying? Literally, they're also addicted to the dating app because they know, I can literally have a new girl every single day and they're of the mindset of abundance where they're just thinking to themselves, let me literally experience a new girl every single day and see where it goes. Because I could sleep with one girl this day, then I could meet a new girl the next day and sleep with her. I can meet another girl the next day and she could wank me off. I could meet another girl the next day, she could give me a footy, I could meet another girl the next day, she could give me head. I can meet another. And every day is an excitement of a new shiny toy. That's what the dating app men love. And if you're in that position, you're going to be in pain a lot because all the guys you meet are always going to be looking for the next best thing. So that's the that's that's the foundation of your problem in itself. What you need to do is instead of heading on hinge, you need to start going to the places that you actually enjoy, that you're passionate about, or that you just think are interesting for yourself. And in the process of you going there all the time and doing that thing all the time, you'll eventually meet people and and usually you'll end up being part of a community of people and you'll meet men that way which will be more way more powerful and way more impactful for you and him uh when you meet them that way instead of the dating app. So that is my honest advice to you in terms of this guy. Don't waste your time. Don't waste your time. Don't do anything. There's nothing left to do.

[01:45:41]Okay. Uh so now we have finished the premium ones. Let's head over into regular relationship advice section and we shall do uh by the way guys if your question is already in regular relationship advice and you're like f this. I want to I want to get this down to premium. All you have to do just copy and paste your message into premium and then obviously once you make a donation into the show I will read your question out. Don't worry if it's there twice. Okay. So, if your question's already in there and you know you don't want to wait, you can just copy and paste it and put it in in the premium section. Lexi says, "How can I fix this?" Uh, Lexi says, "Hi, Thompson.

[01:46:20]I'm 20. You on the younger side. Have been going out with this guy who is 26 for about a month and a half. We met at my job and he approached me on Instagram. We met on eight dates total, but he did not bring up a commitment yet. Everything has been great. I never text him. I never reached out first. He has been the one planning all the dates uh in advance and pretty high quality too since I'm very busy and sometimes declined some of his offers. Okay. Uh he he takes me to nice places, always opens up my doors, picks me up from home which is quite far away, always compliments me, etc. Sorry, my voice. Um this is good so far. Sorry, I got to I got to take a drink. This is good so far. Uh but the approaching you on IG is uh questionable, but we'll see where it goes.

[01:47:14]Okay. Uh he has offered to buy me Dior lip oil for me. Uh sorry, I don't I'm not aware how old how much is Dior lip oil? I don't know how much that cost.

[01:47:25]Okay. I'm just curious. Uh I really like his personality and the way he treats me, but the last time we saw each other, one thing led to another and he ended up sleeping with you. Oh, sorry. No, he ended up eating your Squirtle.

[01:47:45]He's a munch.

[01:47:47]He munched on you. A That's not That's That's still not good because first of all, you're going to put yourself in a very weak situation. You guys said like $40. Okay, interesting. I thought it was going to be like 400. Um he did he eat your Squirtle with the Dior lip oil? No, I'm just joking. Anyways, um it's not a good position for you to be in because it's temptation. Okay. Right. Like, so if he's eating your Squirtle roll good, you might be really inclined to sleep with him. Uh, after I told him to take me home because I wasn't ready to take things further. Wow. He munched you out.

[01:48:16]Then you said, "Take me home. You're the boss now." I did not return the favor.

[01:48:20]Neither did I ask for it. Still not good because you're you're you're going to end up folding. Okay. Uh, and also, I said before that that it was too soon for us to have pineapples. And he knows that. I have a set of rules that I must follow before we do that. So, it still makes you look a little bit weak because you're saying, "We're not going to have pineapples until you know uh we are serious about each other." But then you're spreading your legs wide open and letting him bury his face inside your Squirtle. It still does not look good for you. Okay. Right. Sadly, I got caught up in the heat of the moment and I feel like a tease now, which was not intended.

[01:48:56]Like I just said, I have proceeded as normal after this episode, not texting him, and it's been a few days of no contact, which isn't usual for us.

[01:49:06]Interesting how things start to fall apart. Is there any chance I can still get commitment or I have given it up too soon and uh should move on and start over? You're not going to like my answer. I'm not interested if chase if the chasing doesn't continue.

[01:49:22]if it makes any difference after the fact while he was driving me home, he told me that he likes me and that he uh and that the fact that I am crazy. He likes the fact that you're crazy. Yeah.

[01:49:34]That I never text him and he can't figure me out because he would get bored of me otherwise.

[01:49:41]So basically, you should never sleep with that man or give him anything.

[01:49:43]That's what he's saying. So we left the date on a good note. Uh hinting at pineapples in the near future. Why would you be why would you be h why would you be doing that only if he plays by the rules? Why why would you be doing that?

[01:49:56]Why are you giving him that type of promise like that? You're making him look forward to like, hey, just do these things right. You'll get what you want and then you can disappear. Why are you After a week, you make him feel like he's getting nothing. After a week, uh almost a week, he didn't text me and neither did I. And I also and he also posted uh some stories that I did not watch. He showed up with a group of friends at the restaurant I work at. I um and then going on for part two. At first, I didn't notice him. When I did, I pretended I didn't see him. He showed up 20 minutes before my shift, and I only looked in his direction when I was about to leave. He waved at me. I thought that was really lame since he seemed like the kind of guy to get up and say hi to my face, but okay. I smiled and waved back. I honestly uh did notice a shift in energy and a gut feeling from me feeling safe about him to questioning myself and uh his thoughts about me. And it was also the first time I felt anxiety towards the situation. A day later and still no communication. I thought I might as well send a text to see where every time they get you guys with this.

[01:51:14]Every freaking time they get you guys with this. All they do is they withdraw their energy from you for just a little bit. You all start off strong saying, "Oh yeah, I'm not going to text. Oh yeah, I'm not going to do anything. Oh yeah, I'm not going to budge." And then a couple of days goes by and then a week couple of weeks goes by and then you say maybe I should just text him and remind him of my existence. No, you shouldn't.

[01:51:43]To see where we stand since people around me thought that the problem may be that I have been way too cold to him.

[01:51:49]How? By spreading your legs and allowing him to bury his face inside your Squirtle.

[01:51:55]That's how you thought you were being too cold with him. by setting some sort of boundaries and saying, "Yeah, I'm not going to sleep with you until we're in a committed relationship." Imagine that.

[01:52:05]Imagine, okay, this is where sometimes even your friends can be the problem.

[01:52:09]Your friends are trying to convince you that setting boundaries and having expectations and standards that you're not going to sleep with him before he actually commits to you is being too cold. What type of twisted world do we live in?

[01:52:23]Okay, having standards is not a crime.

[01:52:26]That does not make you a bad person.

[01:52:28]Don't let people convince you that that's the case. They're just trying to trigger you and get you anxious so that you will fold. And your friends are actually making this worse.

[01:52:39]Mistake, I know, but I sent a text promising myself that if he uh if the response would be dry or unlike him, then this would definitely not be worth me thinking of him any longer because he clearly doesn't see my value. Huh? chat.

[01:52:53]Let's So, she said it could go one of two ways. Either he answers properly or he responds dryly. Let's see how this goes. Okay. So, I texted him saying uh a simple how are you? And he responded the next morning. The next morning saying I was sleeping.

[01:53:17]Congratulations.

[01:53:19]You played yourself.

[01:53:23]You thought you were going to get the response you wanted by reaching out to him and doing the work for him, right?

[01:53:28]Cuz your friends told you you've been too cold, right? You've been too mean, right? You you you had too many boundaries. You you should you should chill out more. You should relax. You should be a yes girl now. Be a fun girl now. So, you reach out to him.

[01:53:43]And look at what you get returned.

[01:53:47]I was sleeping. So, I left him on red.

[01:53:50]and I will absolutely move on. Now, the message continues. So, let's see if you actually did. I'm not questioning his uh decision because I don't want to give him any more head space, but everything else I did was according to plan. I mean, aside from spreading your legs and allowing him to literally bury his face in you.

[01:54:09]Let's go on. Always letting him talk. Uh he even said that he loved talking to me. I got him to confess some pretty intimate stuff. I only accepted highquality dates from him. I never told him directly that I liked him. Uh whenever he brought up uh future plans including me, I would say we'll see. And I never brought up commitment since uh he said that his last relationship ended 1 month before what we met and it lasted 10 months. So I did not want to be seen as a rebound. That's what it was. Uh so I played it safe except this one slip up. Well, one slip up can be the only slip up that you need to mess everything up. I am the whole package so I won't have any trouble finding someone else or even uh better of course. But I wonder why are guys like this sometimes they put in actual effort then switch up.

[01:54:59]Anyways, thank you for your great advice. Okay. Um I need you to understand you're in control of this entire situation. You're in control of your p perception. You're in control of how he sees you. He It's crazy. He actually Let's scroll up here.

[01:55:16]He actually told you that part of the reason he's so crazy about you was that he likes that you never text him and he can't figure you out. He literally said that's what's turning him on the most about you. Can you imagine that? He's literally giving you the keys and telling you exactly what he finds fascinating about you. And the truth of the matter is this is what 99% of guys find fascinating about you when you do this. Because when you do nothing, it initiates in them their natural hunger and desire and motivation to chase you and pursue you. So you're actually giving him something by allowing him the space to really desire you and chase and pursue after you. He feels it's necessary and he feels like he has the space to do so, right? And he can be a hungry hyena and be in his hunter mind frame. Guys love that. I'm telling you the truth. And when you do that for him, he feels good about that. What he won't feel good about is being able to get you to spread your legs and be able to eat you out when you just finish talking about how you expect commitment and you have all these high standards. Right? I know it's not the same as sleeping with him, but the idea of you saying how many how high your standards are and how high how hard it's going to be for him to get you to where he has total access to you, it those it doesn't align, right? Your words have to align with your actions. So saying that your standards are so high and your expectations are so high of any guy who's going to have access to you and then allowing him to eat you out when you just finished talking about how high your standards are is not it's it's not aligning. I get that he didn't sleep with you, so you're thinking, "Well, I just used him." It's the same idea, though. Getting you naked and getting you in a vulnerable position like that is an acknowledgement that, hey, I can be convinced. I can be persuaded, right? Especially too when you acknowledge that I shouldn't have done that and I that's not going to happen again because that's almost like an admission of I made a mistake. So when you're admitting that oh I did I did something that I shouldn't have done.

[01:57:26]You're basically admitting to him that even though I had morals and values and standards, I was persuaded against my morals, values and standards and convinced to go to do something different.

[01:57:39]It makes you look weak-minded.

[01:57:42]Okay, not to diss you, but I just want you to understand how that be that how that starts to become perceived. So yes, everything else for the most part you did right and just seen that you were doing that right because of how he was treating you. It's not a coincidence that the one slip up you said you made is the immediate moment that things started to go downhill and everything went wrong. Okay, that's not an accident. It's because there's actually cause and effect there. Not to say that you're a horrible person, but I want you to use that as a way to recognize how you need to change that approach in the future.

[01:58:16]You can get that respect and reverence and uh pursuing from guys that you like.

[01:58:23]However, that's only going to come if you respect yourself appropriately and if you stand on what you say you're about. Don't stand don't talk a big game and then not be about a big game. It is horrible for your reputation and for guys being able to take you seriously.

[01:58:40]So, my advice to you is this relationship is done. I don't think that there's anything left here. I think it's clear that he's not that interested in you anymore or pursuing you anymore.

[01:58:48]Obviously, like you said, you're not going to text him as you shouldn't or call him as you shouldn't. Use this as a learning lesson that in the future, don't be spreading your legs for any reason whatsoever, whether it be for him to penetrate you or for him to bury his face inside you.

[01:59:04]Okay, keep your legs closed, right? And focus on getting to know more about the guy and seeing if he can keep committed and keep consistent to consistent with you for the extent of a long-term serious relationship before you give anything to that guy and do nothing.

[01:59:24]Nothing. All right. Uh, that's the show for today. If you didn't get your question answered, don't fret. I answer questions every day on the show. And for those of you who, like I said earlier, who want to skip the line of questions, go ahead and send in your question into the premium relationship advice section so that you can skip the line of people and you don't have to wait. I have no problem if you guys want to skip the line. However, if you're going to skip the line, you must donate to the show so that it's fair to the other people who have been waiting in line to get their question answered. So, you have two options. You can either you can either not donate, do it for free, but obviously you're going to be waiting and or you can skip the line, but you're going to have to donate to the show. The choice is really yours. So, you have those two options there. Um, for those of you who don't know how to send in your question, all you have to do is go to the link in my bio and you click the join the Discord. It'll take you to the free relationship advice section and you can ask your question there or you can uh click over to the premium one, ask your question there after you donate.

[02:00:24]And the same thing applies for you guys on YouTube. The link is just in the description of the video as well. Okay.

[02:00:30]Uh for those of you who want to follow me on Instagram because you love me so much and you want to see everything that I'm doing, my Instagram is right above my head on the left side of the screen there. And you can follow me on Instagram and you can see everything I've been doing and how I got to you to this point today to sit on this couch and have conversation with you if you want to as well. And for those of you who are on Tik Tok, oh by the way, it's on Instagram on the bottom right as well. So you can follow me there. And for those of you who are on Tik Tok and you are wanting to rewatch this show, all you have to do is head over to my YouTube channel, which is right is my name. It's right above there. You type in my YouTube name. Once you type in my YouTube name, you'll get access to the live section. You go into the live section and you'll be able to see this show along with all the previous live streams in the past. And you'll be able to see all the conversation from the YouTube and YouTube and the Tik Tok chat embedded in the video. So, you'll be able to follow along with all the conversation going on there. Gigi says, "Where do you donate for premium relationship advice?" All you got to do is click the link in the bio. You'll see it says uh uh for PayPal premium relationship advice. You click that.

[02:01:35]When you're donating, make sure, very important, when you're donating in the message box, you send in your the title of your uh message and your username so that I can verify that that's you. And like I said, for those of you who think you're going to be slick and send in a premium relationship advice question, thinking that I'll just skip to it and answer it without you donating to the show, I will catch you because that I verify it through title and username.

[02:02:00]So, if you do that and I see you do it more than once, you're going to get banned from the Discord. So, don't be misusing that privilege, okay? It's it's meant to be fair to everyone so that if you want to skip the line, you can. But if you don't want to skip the line and you don't want to donate to the show, that's perfectly fine. But you're going to have to be patient and wait your turn so that it's fair for everyone. All right? So keep that in mind, right? Uh all right, guys. I'm here every Monday to Friday at 400 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. So I'm not going to be here tomorrow. Obviously, it's Friday today.

[02:02:32]I will be here on Saturday. Oh, not Saturday. Ah, be quiet. No, no, not Saturday. I will be here on Monday at 400 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Okay. No Saturday today. Right. weekend off today. So, I will see you guys on Monday. I will be posting on my YouTube page on uh the weekend though, but I just won't be live. All right, so until then, adios. Ariva Deni Avoa AA Vista Bonvoyage. I'm a super villain and I will see you again on Monday. I love you all so much. Join the Discord. It's lots of fun in there all times of the day.

[02:03:05]Please do that. Please do that. Love you. Love you so much. Love you. Someone said thank you.