The Dark Side of Charisma Nobody Talks About

[00:00:00]I love all of this. Okay. And part of the reason that I didn't start down this path is cuz when I looked out into the world and it wasn't the same guys at the time, but when I look at a Donald Trump or an Andrew Tate, I do not imagine that they are >> [laughter] >> doing this sort of thing, and yet they are incredibly influential, uh powerful. People seem to follow them, like them, trust them, uh polarizing figures for sure.

[00:00:24]What is going on? Like if this if this takes you to the essence of charisma, what is going on with these seemingly charismatic individuals that are that as far as I can tell have not followed a path that is at all like these ones. Um is that a pseudo charisma? Is there something else going on there? Is it What do How do you understand it?

[00:00:46]>> Yeah.

[00:00:46]The What I notice is this is a really challenging topic because it's so We're using two people who are very divisive.

[00:00:55]And so to some degree >> in your office who doesn't appear to do this or something.

[00:01:00]>> [laughter] >> Um So, there's a couple of things that I would say is that uh um without judgment on developmental scale or anything like that.

[00:01:12]Um My daughters are 3 and 1/2 years apart.

[00:01:19]What I notice is that's who kids adore.

[00:01:23]Mhm. Is like they they listen to other kids that are just slightly older than more than My whole life I have been following reluctantly, questioning the authorities that are just have a little more understanding than I have at this moment, and I'm I'm following that.

[00:01:43]So, I think that there's a natural One part is I think there's a natural piece to that. The other thing that's interesting is that people really want to buy the bridge, you know? They really want to buy the We all really want to buy the bridge until we don't. So, there's something natural in us in the evolutionary path to have somebody who has the answer, has somebody who feels assured, who feels conviction, and we want that. If you look at like whether it's our rock stars or our politicians, it's like there's something in us that wants to feel safe, and if we follow somebody who looks like they're assured, and and in their minds they are. I mean, empathetically, we they are convicted.

[00:02:28]>> Yeah, there's a we're like tuning in to like oh, they they believe this through and through.

[00:02:31]>> do. Yeah, that is a like and and if they don't, the third time they say it, they will. And so So, there's like this part of us that it's like oh, cool, there's some conviction that I don't Now, I don't have to actually take responsibility >> Mhm.

[00:02:45]>> for myself. And then I think there's something really that that that's another part that makes it that we And so, some of it is this very natural thing that we want I think the other piece that's occurring is that as a society like we talked about like as a society, we want homeostasis, we want balance as well. And so, what I notice is that when any side gets righteous >> Mhm.

[00:03:13]>> when there's an If there's no naysayer in the room, eventually the naysayer comes up. If any side gets righteous, there's the other part of it.

[00:03:19]>> Yeah.

[00:03:20]>> And so But to me, the more the the the the more um great question, the the question that is more productive, the more productive question is when you're faced with somebody like that >> Mhm.

[00:03:35]>> [clears throat] >> what's what's how can they be a an an avenue to your freedom?

[00:03:40]To to your unwinding, to your and can you see their point of view?

[00:03:46]Can you understand the value that they provide?

[00:03:49]Can you not see their point Can you see outside of their point of view? Can you not see the Can you use them as a way to dissolve your ego?

[00:04:00]Assuming there's an ego, but right that that you that can you use that person as a way to dissolve and and it was funny you said earlier this great thought of you know, there's a joke in your community about being a guru and I if anybody says calls me a guru often times what I'll say is like I'm yeah, I'm just like a guru. I'm just the next iteration where I want all the power to be in your hands, not in mine.

[00:04:23]>> Wow.

[00:04:24]>> It's a good one, right?

[00:04:26]Um >> Love it.

[00:04:27]>> But the but it's the but it's that same thing. It's like it if if that person has you pissed off or enraptured >> Or enraptured, they got you.

[00:04:39]>> Yeah, yeah.

[00:04:40]>> you, right? That you're not you're not actually in yourself anymore.

[00:04:45]And you're and you there's so much to learn about your trigger, about how they're your projection or all that stuff get to your own freedom >> Mhm.

[00:04:53]>> instead of like you know, what makes them that.

[00:04:58]>> It's interesting cuz the opposition to Trump and the opposition to Andrew Tate is arguably the thing that has fueled >> Absolutely.

[00:05:04]>> the the and and that same thing is occurring internally, which is when you see someone who is so certain, so this, so that and you know, I want to No, they're not. And instead of like what what breaks inside of me when I or what hurts or what when I come into contact with that.

[00:05:20]>> That's an interesting practice.

[00:05:21]>> Yeah. And and that's the and and we all want to be able to fall Yes, take care of me. And we all want to resist it. It's like And all of that's in ourselves and it's all happening in ourselves.

[00:05:34]If you're really bothered by Donald Trump, I guarantee you you have a voice in your head that sounds a lot like Donald Trump.

[00:05:42]>> It just Yeah, this is how Yeah, no.

[00:05:43]Yeah, interesting.

[00:05:45]>> Yeah. And if you right? So So anyways, that That's That's the place where I think that there's freedom rather than to >> It's It's the I mean I'm I like the Union psychoanalysis, but so for me I'm conceiving like the return of the repressed. The the externalization of the shadow in me, which is when I look at it, it's this repressed power drive.

[00:06:05]This unashamed I want, I take, I that is out there and I'm good with that and I have no issue. And then I look I we I know you don't want to go into it, but I look at the left or the Democrats, it's there's this hidden power drive, you know, that is not claimed in the same way.

[00:06:22]Interesting.

[00:06:23]>> Yeah, I've working with CEOs a lot, really powerful CEOs, what I notice is if they um fully are like, I want power and this is power and da da da da da, they are incredibly dangerous people. If they are fully, I don't want power, I'm not the most powerful, [laughter] they are incredibly dangerous people.

[00:06:42]>> That was me. Not that I was hurting anybody, but yeah.

[00:06:45]>> It is to It is like to acknowledge the power that you have, to to to not run away from your narcissism, to in to to love all of that as well. Both disintegrates it and also just on an actionable level makes you far safer.

[00:07:02]>> Mhm.

[00:07:02]>> And it's the rejection of both and and the or the grasping of both that makes you dangerous and if you have a lot of power.

[00:07:10]>> Yeah. Did you Anything that comes up for you around that?

[00:07:13]>> Yeah, so I you know, I I love Joe's answer and I'm going to give a completely different one. So so I think you know, if we go back to like the mechanism of okay, there's the sleazy charisma, there's the authentic charisma. I think what a lot of people will kind of potentially jump to is like oh, they have the sleazy charisma.

[00:07:28]>> Mhm.

[00:07:29]>> I think this is where the model Yeah.

[00:07:31]>> Yeah, that's not true.

[00:07:31]>> It's not true. I agree. So and and that's like their own judgment, right?

[00:07:36]So I I think what they really speak to is how much of a dyad charisma is.

[00:07:40]>> Mhm.

[00:07:41]>> So why are they the ones that are popular? There's a thousand people who are saying a thousand things. They're the ones who have floated to the top.

[00:07:50]For someone to be charismatic in that way, they must have an audience. So, if you want to understand why they are charismatic, you must look to the audience because they're the ones that are watching them.

[00:07:59]>> Mhm. Yep.

[00:08:00]>> So, here is the harsh truth that I think not many people are willing to accept.

[00:08:05]So, if you're a man in the world today and something doesn't go your way, no one is there to help you.

[00:08:14]So, speaking of Democrats, I'm not saying this is right or wrong. I'm just making an observation.

[00:08:19]So, if you look at the during the presidential election, if you look at the Democratic website for the the the people they support and the mission they support, they support minorities, they support people of different sexual things uh orientations, immigrants.

[00:08:32]Like, I'm not saying that's right or wrong. And then at the very end, they say women.

[00:08:35]>> Mhm.

[00:08:36]>> They literally listed a bunch of people, chose a gender, and did not pick men.

[00:08:43]>> Mhm.

[00:08:43]>> Intentionally.

[00:08:45]Right? So, so if you're a man today and you struggle, the most common thing you hear is you're privileged, you don't have a right to complain. Especially if you're Oh my god, like, y'all are the worst. Y'all are white men. At least I'm a minority. My skin is brown, right? I'm part of the oppressed.

[00:09:01]>> Mhm.

[00:09:03]>> And and so, what literally like you have people but like men have the highest suicide rates and they're climbing.

[00:09:10]I I you know, I I love it. I had a patient I used to work a a lot with people in finance and I had a patient who had a kid and she wanted to go back into investment banking.

[00:09:20]And the bank has a program for mothers who have left to raise their kids because like women, we as a society should support women who make choices. And if they make choices and they want to make career changes or if they're having difficulty, we should have like equality of like board representation between men and women. We should help women get into college. We should have women-only scholarships. And I'm not saying these things are bad. I'm just saying this is the way society is right now.

[00:09:50]There plenty of women-only scholarships, very few male-only scholarships, but 60% of people in college are women.

[00:09:58]So, if you look at the experience of men, they don't get help from anybody.

[00:10:03]If a man has difficulty with their emotions, no woman wants to take responsibility. And fair enough, right?

[00:10:09]They say like, "It's not my job to baby this man." That's the work that I do to a certain degree, you do to a certain degree, you do. And I think it's in that order. I think maybe I have the biggest babies, but who knows, >> [laughter] >> right?

[00:10:23]A- and and so like this is the ex- like literally the experience of men. You can look at all kinds of metrics. I I just look at suicide. And a few years ago, I asked myself a question, "If men have it so easy, why are they killing themselves at four times the rate of women?" Like, why do these men And I've had men in my office who are privileged, 6'4", rich, white men who want to kill themselves.

[00:10:45]You know, like have fantasies of tying a noose around their neck, tying the other part of the noose to a tree, getting in a car, and slamming on the gas pedal.

[00:10:55]>> Mhm.

[00:10:56]>> So, like what is going on like like Are they privileged? Yes.

[00:11:01]And there's more to the story.

[00:11:03]Do they have advantages? Yes. And there's more to the story. But we live in a society that does not accept that.

[00:11:11]So, the weird thing is everyone thinks that Andrew Tate is super toxic. He's the most validating voice He's the most emotionally validating voice that I've heard talking to men.

[00:11:23]>> Donald Trump, same thing for his audience. Yeah.

[00:11:25]>> Absolutely, right? So, everyone says, "Your audience, my audience, not sure about you."

[00:11:31]>> [laughter] >> Right? So, like our audience, Charlie, is I mean, this isn't true really, but like it's losers, right? There are a lot of quote unquote losers in our audience.

[00:11:40]So, what we realized is there are a lot of young professionals. The average age in our audience is now like 32. It's like 30 to 35% women. So, I'm sort of making a characterization that's not really accurate. But, there are a lot of people, dudes, out there who are struggling, feel like losers, trying to fix being a loser, and what does the world tell them? The world tells them, you've got a bunch of advantages, you're fine, you should And if you're not fine, you should be fine because you're a privileged man. There's one person who tells them they are [ __ ] and that person is Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate says, you are [ __ ] let me help you be from beta, you're a piece of [ __ ] I I'm going to validate your existence.

[00:12:19]>> a validation and a reality pacing.

[00:12:21]>> you're right.

[00:12:22]>> Yeah.

[00:12:22]You are I'm not >> The world is unfair. There are 1% of men who get everything, and 99% you are a [ __ ] loser. Here's how to change.

[00:12:32]>> Versus people are like, that's not true.

[00:12:34]Love yourself. Have a good day.

[00:12:36]>> Exactly.

[00:12:37]>> The other thing about their character their charisma is in both of the cases that you mentioned, is that they they're really not self-conscious.

[00:12:46]>> Yeah, deeply.

[00:12:47]>> Yeah.

[00:12:47]>> Right? They're really not self-conscious.

[00:12:49]>> Mhm.

[00:12:50]>> They One of them hugged a flag.

[00:12:53]>> Mhm.

[00:12:54]>> You know, like that's like performance art and lack of self-consciousness.

[00:12:57]That's like an amazing lack of self-consciousness. And I think that all of us want that. All of us want that lack of self-consciousness on on top of We might not want it in that particular way, but we all want that on some level.

[00:13:10]And it's it's an interesting thing cuz I was looking at >> [snorts] >> um who won the election over the like since Jimmy Carter, and I was just watching different differences of them speaking. I was like, wow, it's kind of like almost the person who has less self-consciousness wins. It's pretty It's a It's a really good indicator.

[00:13:30]>> Mhm.

[00:13:30]>> The less self-conscious, the more they're likely to win.

[00:13:33]>> Mhm.

[00:13:33]>> They don't have to be smart. They don't have to even be articulate. It's just like a lack of I'm going to be me.

[00:13:40]>> Which is less internal division.

[00:13:42]>> Correct.

[00:13:43]>> It's greater sense of internal Yeah.

[00:13:44]>> less internal division.

[00:13:46]>> Mhm.

[00:13:47]>> in that particular aspect.

[00:13:48]>> Yes. Yes.

[00:13:49]>> Right? Cuz like I do not think that they go home and are non-divided internally.

[00:13:55]>> Could be.

[00:13:55]>> I I think they both have a vision.

[00:13:57]>> Yes.

[00:13:58]>> Right? And I think they're both articulate.

[00:14:00]>> Mhm.

[00:14:00]>> Like I mean people will say like Trump stumbles around with his words and stuff like that, but he's able to speak. So what I mean he'll say all kinds of things, but there are a couple of statements that will really resonate with the dyad.

[00:14:12]>> Mhm.

[00:14:12]>> And then the other really interesting like metaphoric thing here is we've been talking about, you know, if there's something bad and you try to make it go away, it just comes back stronger.

[00:14:23]>> Mhm.

[00:14:24]>> That's right.

[00:14:24]>> And these two people have one really interesting thing. The harder people try to take them down, >> Mhm.

[00:14:31]>> the stronger they become.

[00:14:33]Right? And so there's something going on here where that's just not the energy.

[00:14:38]They They thrive off of it.

[00:14:40]Right? That Cuz what what it does is it galvanizes their supporters. It creates more of an us versus them kind of mentality.

[00:14:47]>> Mhm.

[00:14:48]>> You know, and and I think I know I mean so we talked with Sneako a while ago.

[00:14:53]>> Mhm.

[00:14:53]>> And I I don't know if it was you or someone on your on your channel.

[00:14:56]>> I I did the video, yeah.

[00:14:58]>> And and so I think like people will sometimes blame us for talking to platforming toxic dudes.

[00:15:06]My conversations with like Sneako and Adin Ross and some of these like toxic people are some of my most favorite conversations.

[00:15:13]I know this is going to get me a lot of flak, but I think there's like they're good dudes.

[00:15:17]>> I think the way I think your handling of it is exactly the antidote and is so important and is so inclusive and does not leave anyone behind. I love watching those conversations.

[00:15:26]>> So so so that that like oh like you shouldn't talk to bad people, then like what do you And I'm not I'm not saying you shouldn't talk Some people say you shouldn't talk to bad people.

[00:15:37]And then I'm like, well then what should you do, right? And then people will say you should cancel them, you should destroy them. And like that's fine. I'm not saying that that's wrong. It's not my place to say. Like if you want to annihilate whatever, like go for it.

[00:15:49]That's not what I know how to do.

[00:15:51]That's not my gift to the world. That's not the methodology that I've seen works.

[00:15:58]And so I I I I think these are people that we should be I completely agree with you with Joe is saying about these people serve a karmic purpose of like awakening.

[00:16:09]Like if you really have problems with these people, look within yourself first.

[00:16:14]Right? And and see what's your issue.

[00:16:16]What are you really angry about?

[00:16:19]How can you not understand?

[00:16:21]Right? So then you're you're like you're like I don't understand how people like even within my family like there's a huge generational divide between like Democrats and Republicans and we're like all like in the same general household, but and and people like I don't understand.

[00:16:38]And people say that reflexively.

[00:16:41]Right? Like I don't understand how someone could follow Andrew Tate or vote for Donald Trump. Then the first [ __ ] thing you should do is understand.

[00:16:49]Don't judge.

[00:16:51]Try to really figure out because clearly they are doing something that matters a lot to a lot of people.

[00:17:00]And if you ever want to change this dynamic, good diagnosis precedes good treatment.

[00:17:05]It starts with understanding. Then you can figure out what to do. Trying to take them down may work, may not work. I have no idea.

[00:17:12]But I think that there's something really like powerful going on.

[00:17:15]And I think that like kind of like what Joe was saying, I know it sounds kind of weird, but like whether this is good or bad depends on what we do with it.

[00:17:24]So, if you're interested in the fastest way that I know of to make this stuff effortless, you might be interested in my course Charisma University. You get full details at the link here, but basically, if you like the YouTube channel and charisma, confidence building, respect is a priority for you, I highly encourage you to click the link, check it out, learn more, and maybe join. Either way, I hope that you have enjoyed this video, and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.