Ride w/ me- mental health month, choosing aliveness, sm thought on Blake’s Met Gala dress 👗

Added: 2026-05-15

[00:00:01]Welcome to my car ride. Hopefully the road noise isn't too bad. I'm on a quest today to go plant some dahlias.

[00:00:10]So, I'm in my car driving to my dahlias that are sprouting elsewhere and to get them in the ground.

[00:00:17]Sometimes you just got to make the flowers the priority. I'm going to plant my dahlias and I'm going to put in some zinnia seeds. So, in case you're a gardener, now's the time. It's warm enough. We're past frost um probably in most places and you can get your dahlias cuz they're going to take all summer to get to their bloom. So, I'm excited about that. I've left them in pots and they're sprouting. So, I'm going to see where they're at.

[00:00:42]I hope you guys are doing well out there. I am aware that it is mental health awareness month, I believe, and so I'm going to weigh in on that.

[00:00:52]Um put my two cents out there about mental health awareness. And in doing so, I was thinking about a poem that has helped me through many times of darkness in my life and the name of this poem is Sweet Darkness.

[00:01:08]And um I probably have it memorized, but I don't want to do that in case I mess up, but I do have some lines memorized that I'm going to share with you, but I have a section of this page if you're not familiar. Sorry.

[00:01:22]Hopefully I'm going to hit some bumpy sounds. Um called the poetry medicine cabinet. I started that when I was being heavily bombarded in a smear campaign and it was one of the things that kept me afloat. And so uh this poem Sweet Darkness is in that. But I'm going to give you a couple of lines from that that might be helpful to you or somebody out there today.

[00:01:44]Um and the lines are this.

[00:01:47]Give up all other worlds except those to which you belong.

[00:01:54]I think that's how it goes. Except the ones to which you belong. Give up all other worlds except the ones to which you belong. So, sometimes, you know, it's good to take a good hard look at do I actually belong here? Whether that is a relationship, it could be a town, it could be a country, it could be a job, it could be a group a friend group, whatever.

[00:02:17]Um And ask yourself, do I belong here? Is this where I belong?

[00:02:24]And then sometimes it's hard because we're in a no man's land until we land in a place where we belong and we have to let go of the place we don't belong for the place we do belong to find us.

[00:02:36]And that is the scary part is to be floating in the no man's land, but that is a good line from that poem. And the other one is the last lines of this poem, sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn.

[00:02:54]Anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.

[00:03:01]Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn. Anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.

[00:03:12]I've heard this poet multiple times speak and he speaks a lot on this poem and he has said that it's it's an easy out to consider that is just oh, I'm bigger than you know, this person or whatever.

[00:03:27]He invites you to be more contemplative about that and say how how how am have I made myself too small for me?

[00:03:35]How what choices that I am making?

[00:03:39]How am I the person that is too small for me?

[00:03:42]And anything or anyone that does not bring you alive, how am I making choices where I'm not being brought alive?

[00:03:51]And contemplate that.

[00:03:52]Yeah, it's kind of a it's kind of an easy out to say, "Ah, that person is too small for me. I'm bigger than that." But, take it a little bit deeper because we only really have control of ourselves. And so, if we look at the ways that we have made ourselves too small where we have um put ourselves in situations that do not bring us alive or worse yet, put us ourselves in situation in which we are in danger in danger, girl. Um we that's where we have choices. So, I wanted to share those things.

[00:04:25]Going over a bridge might be a little loud.

[00:04:28]Um I also think, you know, I did talk about smear campaigns the last two videos. I have a whole playlist on here if you're interested in diving a little bit more into that topic. And I want to say that's not really the um main flavor of this channel.

[00:04:46]I think that it's important to speak out about things that are difficult when we've been through something that's difficult because we're offering a life raft to other people because I certainly have used other people's life rafts to get through things.

[00:04:59]Um and I also think whoever needs to hear this out there that living your life living your best life the best life that you can create for yourself is often times enough to offer this world.

[00:05:19]Is just living your best life and sharing that.

[00:05:24]And and that's enough.

[00:05:26]That is enough also of a beacon of hope to people out there. I've certainly have those in my life that I look toward that that are in spite of having massive tragedy, massive loss, massive hurdles and stress in their life, they are carving out their best life and claiming it and grabbing it and going for it. So, that's what I hope the flavor of this channel is mostly about.

[00:05:54]And sometimes, you know, you don't have a testimony without a test, and you got to talk about the test sometimes.

[00:05:59]And at the same time, it's not the it is people who have been through thick and thin with me out there, who I appreciate you guys who have like held my hand through some rough times.

[00:06:12]Um the genesis of this channel was like in the middle of the weeds. And many, many, many hundreds of you have been there with me through that. I appreciate that, and I'm still here with you guys.

[00:06:22]So, um they understand why it's so important to let me talking about the things that are bringing me joy and that are bringing me alive um are the most important things for this channel and sharing those words of inspiration around that, cuz for those of you don't know me, just take a look at my like about or bio, whatever it is that's on this channel, and you know a little bit more about what I have gone through and what I am going through.

[00:06:53]So, um another thing I want to say, I'm just thinking off the top of my head about some things that have kind of been rolling around in my brain this morning.

[00:07:01]Um for some people, the hardest thing that they've been through in their lives is self-inflicted.

[00:07:09]And inflicted on others.

[00:07:12]The drama that they have created, the pain that they have created for other people and therefore themselves, is the hardest thing that they've ever faced in their lives. What I have noticed, and kind of reflecting back on this lively thing, what I have noticed is people like that that have had that privilege of not having had massive tragedy, trauma uh visit their lives, often resent people who have. There's something about people who have navigated lives of trauma and are still standing that triggers the hell out of them.

[00:07:50]And just be aware. For some people, the worst thing they've experienced in their whole life has been self-inflicted.

[00:07:58]And also inflicted on others.

[00:08:01]These might be be people also that you want to veer from.

[00:08:06]That you want to just veer away from um if they're bringing their unique special brand of toxicity to you.

[00:08:14]Sorry, I'm passing a truck. It's a little loud at the moment. I'm going to pause speaking.

[00:08:21]Yeah.

[00:08:23]So, I think, you know, some of that happened in this case where honestly, I think there's like a level of boredom and um when you haven't had a lot of hardship and stuff to have to get over, I think some people are sort of looking for it, so they create it. And And there's a weird like um resentment or jealously or something about people who have had hardship. And so they just want to make life harder on them. I I don't know how else to say it, but I've seen it and I've experienced it. So, beware of that person.

[00:09:04]Isn't there a line in A Christmas Carol that's like that?

[00:09:07]Beware the whatever um person.

[00:09:13]I thought that Blake Lively's dress at the Met Gala reminded me so much cuz it had these big humps at the at the waist level or the hips. It reminded me so much of the Ghost of Christmas Present.

[00:09:24]And I think that's the line from that when he opens his robes. I mean, he's all abundant and he has all the food and all the everything just overflowing all around him, and the jewels and everything.

[00:09:36]And uh he's laughing and he's, you know, I I think he's kind of a representation of what I'm talking about. But, under his robes are What are they? Want?

[00:09:48]And the two children that are cowering under his robes.

[00:09:54]Want?

[00:09:56]Oh, somebody tell me what they are, the two um needy children that he's that he's sequestering under these robes. And that is what her dress looked like to me.

[00:10:11]Like, what is she hiding underneath those lady lumps underneath those bumps in her hips? Like, if she was to open it, are those, you know, starving, gaunt children underneath there?

[00:10:23]Somehow, all these things are fitting together in my mind right now. So, hopefully, you're picking up what I'm laying down, these things. Um, but you you have to make hard choices with yourself to protect your mental health.

[00:10:37]And discernment is key. And editing yourself is key. And one of the hardest things to do sometimes is when someone is toxic to you, is to stay away from them.

[00:10:54]You know, it's not hard to do in other areas of your life though, I promise you. If you're allergic to something, like my husband is allergic to bees. He sees a bee like across, he's scared of it because, you know, he could go into anaphylaxis. And he he sees a bee like across a restaurant and he is tuned into that bee. Like, he knows how to get away from that bee.

[00:11:14]Um, you know, that's an example of how there's an innate thing in all of us that if something is toxic to us, like if if you know that you ate something that gave you food poisoning, you know darn well you're not going to revisit that uh that thing. And but when it comes to people, we're alway- we're not always as good about that. And, well, a people um usually a bee is not in your face um being like uh the snake in The Jungle Book with the eyes that are spinning, you know, and being is that Khan, whatever.

[00:11:51]I'm not a way- I haven't even started drinking coffee yet, okay? So, you know, the snake and the the the hypnotic effect that can happen with humans on other humans. Um so, there's there's a lot to be learned of trusting your gut and having discernment. And not everybody in this world deserves your engagement.

[00:12:12]People cross peop- hopefully not that many your path that definitely deserve your boundary.

[00:12:19]And here's another clue to spot somebody. If you set a boundary that is on yourself, and they threw a tantrum on that, pay attention to that. Or worse yet, they attack you for setting a boundary that is really for your own well-being, mhm.

[00:12:40]That is the moment that you cling to that boundary even harder.

[00:12:45]That is a clue. There's a lot of clues out there, but you know, what I have found is take your licks and keep on moving.

[00:12:55]The people that I'm talking about, also to use another mov- movie reference, um also fall in the category of I will not be ignored, Dan.

[00:13:07]They will not be ignored. They will not be um people that you can turn away from for a second without meeting their needs and focusing on yourself for a moment without them losing their So, that is a clue. Somebody is behaving that way.

[00:13:26]Now, we can all have bad days, of course, when we're in relationship with people and we can, you know, especially people we're very close to, we can get triggered and we can act crazy sometimes and that's different than what I'm talking about here.

[00:13:47]Ooh, that's hot. Ooh, that's good.

[00:13:51]Just some things to think about. Got to prioritize your mental health. Um, that is definitely what I learned through, you know, being on the receiving end of a smear campaign is prioritizing your mental health, not anybody else's, but your own, because you are you're the only one that you have to rely on consistently and you are the main one that can sabotage yourself consistently.

[00:14:16]And sabotaging yourself, you know, in a toxic dynamic with somebody involves, first and foremost, engaging with that.

[00:14:26]And not staying in your lane, focused on your own goals, focused on the things that are nourishing you, that are making you feel, that are bringing you alive, that are not harmful to you.

[00:14:42]It is one of the main challenges is to, um, not get caught up in explaining yourself when people are telling their own projections, projecting their own stuff onto you and telling lies about you and convincing other people that those are true and that sort of thing. It is very, very human to want to correct the record and to want to clarify things. Uh-uh. In that those kind of situations, it's harmful to you to do that, because you're giving them more information that is going to be twisted and thrown back at you. These are not the people that that matters to. And you know, when you're in these kind of dynamics, if people have already fallen to the wayside over there and are willing to believe things about you, these are people that you have to let go of. These are people that aren't ever going to um be worth investing in, period. These are not people that are quality people for you. Maybe they are for other people.

[00:15:51]And it's hard when you can look at people and think, "Oh, but they're so nice in this way. They're so good in these ways." And that can be true. All these things can be true at the same time and they can be toxic to you.

[00:16:02]And they can be doing good things in their life in other ways, but be completely toxic to you. And that's all you need to know is to pivot and get get yourself to safe ground with people that are nourishing to you and doing things that are nourishing and uplifting and that bring you alive. So, let this be a bit of an encouragement today to look at your life and and just from that lens. Just look at that. Do a little evaluation of your life from that lens.

[00:16:37]Is this bringing me alive? And what can I do about it? I mean, sometimes you can reinvigorate something uh to make it come more alive. My husband and I just got back from this wonderful trip and um to New York City.

[00:16:53]And we noticed that when we go see a live performance of something, there is something that comes more alive in our marriage.

[00:17:04]We saw a play in New York City. I'm going to pivot to talk about that a little bit. Um called Becky Shaw that is really funny. If you're in New York City or going to New York City, I recommend it.

[00:17:15]It it a couple of actors that are played um, you know, supporting roles in Succession. That was fun cuz we're always looking for Succession people.

[00:17:23]Um, so that was fun to see them on the stage. And what intrigued me about this and why I wanted to go see it, it's a dark comedy. It is funny.

[00:17:32]Um, and every single character is flawed and some more than others, but at the same time they're engaging. You know, you're not just hating them and like being disgusted by them because they're so, you know, that happens in some shows. But this one, every single character is kind of despicable in their own way, but you're you're with them, you know? So we went to see that, but we were we got back to our room and um, what do we do?

[00:18:02]Like it was late in the afternoon. Oh, we decided to people watch in the lounge. We love to do that. And um, continued talking about the play.

[00:18:10]And then we went up to our room and they had given us a mini mini bottle of champagne, like a half bottle, not a mini.

[00:18:18]And um, a dessert that said happy anniversary.

[00:18:22]It was so nice. We had completely not expected that, but I put on the reservation it was our anniversary. We stayed at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City. And let me tell you, here's a pro tip about travel. Stay there for free, you guys, because if you have a certain Hilton credit card, they will give you one free night a year.

[00:18:42]And there's very little restrictions on it.

[00:18:46]The only restrictions are they have a list where you can't stay and most of the places are not places we would go anyway. So the Waldorf Astoria that's been recently reopened and it feels that way. It feels brand new.

[00:18:58]It's on the list. You can stay there. So we stayed there for two nights and the second night on my points. Anyway, I like to travel in luxury, but like not you know, with the big bucks. So we stayed there for two nights. It was amazing. And so we go back to our room.

[00:19:14]We've got this, you know, and we're like, "Oh, should we drink it?" And um we just It was late at night and we decided to He's like, "Now or never.

[00:19:21]It's our anniversary." It was actually on the day of our anniversary that day.

[00:19:25]And um 11 years we've been married. And we talked till like for another like 2 hours about that play.

[00:19:33]And like we just couldn't wait to like, "Okay, let's dissect this play. And what what was It was the best. It was the worst, you know, and all that."

[00:19:40]And um So, I mean, that's a sign of a good show is that you're still talking about it.

[00:19:45]But we also talked about how going We need to do that more. Going to live performances. We went to see a concert this week and then we went to see that show. And it brings something that invigorates our marriage. And so, you know, we want to do more of that. I mean, we have a marriage that's pretty alive anyway. Um part of it is we have space in our togetherness, as Kahlil Gibran says. But, you know, part of it is we got together later in life and, you know, we know we don't have all that many years left and, you know, we have a teenager and we have a dog and, you know, we have things that are lively in our lives.

[00:20:24]And we co-take care of my brother. So, you know, we have things that are invigorating in our lives anyway. But um Where am I going with this? But yeah, we've decided that that's one way that we invigorate our relationship is going and seeing going and exposing ourselves to the arts. Even we went to the uh MoMA, the Museum of Modern Art. There's something about doing that that brings more life to us. So, we just decided we need to really make that a priority cuz you can fall into ruts of just comfort, you know, and stuff. So, we're pushing it a little bit.

[00:21:01]So, I wanted to share that. Um taking a look at your life and thinking about what are ways that I can bring more aliveness. Does this bring me alive? Does this relationship bring me alive?

[00:21:18]Either take a look at it, do I need to stay in this relationship, or do I need to bring more invigoration into it? Um, and what How can I do that?

[00:21:27]Uh, anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you. So, it's never too late to keep growing, you guys, and to keep sharing what it is that's helping you grow. And I hope that any of you can share that in the comments, too, and share it with me.

[00:21:46]Anyway, that's about it for today.

[00:21:49]I, you know, again, thank you for, um, subscribing to the page. You got a little bump over the last couple of days, uh, and I hope you stick around.

[00:22:00]All right.

[00:22:01]Off to my dahlia. Stay tuned. I might post some pictures. All right. Good luck.