China's Single Women Beg for Marriage But Still Can't Find a Man

追加: 2026-05-05

[00:00:00]Now that I'm almost 40, I really regret not seriously looking for a husband. I spent 10 years working like crazy and I didn't even want to date. In the end, I've realized that emotionally I'm completely empty. When I was 38, my father passed away. I had stopped working for half a year to take care of him and be with him. After that, work started to dry up and I suddenly stopped feeling that constant panic. It's been 2 years since my father passed and I feel lonier than ever. Whenever I have a week off, I buy a plane ticket and go back to my home in GuangDong to be with my family. My sister-in-law always looks confused. She probably thinks I've suffered some major blow and came back to heal or something. She doesn't dare ask me anything, but she cooks a whole bunch of delicious food everyday, maybe to comfort what she thinks is a wounded heart. Then my little nephew says, "Auntie, come play games with me."

[00:00:52]That's when I realized, "Oh my god, that was the happiest moment of my life." In that moment, I finally understood. It's not that my family needs me like everyone says. It's that I need them.

[00:01:03]They are my reason to keep going. This is something I only came to understand as I approached 40. Turns out I want a home. I want a family life and that kind of atmosphere. I want a child, too. I just don't know if it's still possible.

[00:01:17]It's not that I don't believe in love or marriage. It's that I long for it too much. Can a person truly live only for themselves? If you could go back to when you were 19, what kind of adventure would you want to have? Men say I know.

[00:01:30]It's a phrase echoing louder than ever across China. And yet, many women still can't understand why they are single.

[00:01:37]Chinese men are no longer willing to play the role of provider, protector, and silent sufferer while getting little in return. For decades, the burden of marriage in China fell squarely on men's shoulders. Buying a house, affording bride price, taking care of in-laws, and constantly proving their worth. Now, many men are walking away from that deal. Take a look at my two daughters.

[00:01:58]Tell me, which one do you prefer? This one is the younger sister, gentle, kind, and a teacher. And this one is the older sister, lively, cheerful, and she owns a clothing store. So, which one catches your eye? Uncle and auntie, your son works hard to earn money outside. So, when he comes home, he should just rest.

[00:02:16]I'll take care of all the housework. You two just focus on playing with your grandson. After working hard for half your lives, it's time to enjoy some peace and happiness.

[00:02:25]>> In China, women over 28 who remain unmarried are often labeled Shang New means leftover, facing societal pressure to prioritize marriage. Many focused on careers or held unrealistic expectations, demanding men with top tier incomes, homes, and status, only to later regret dismissing potential partners. Now some struggle to find matches as traditional suitors marry younger women, leaving them questioning if their standards led to missed chances at love. I am a successful woman. I have degrees from top schools. I work in a big company. I earn more money than most men. But now I am alone and I regret everything. When I was young, I thought education was everything. I studied hard. I got the best grades. I refused dates because I had no time. My parents said, "Focus on your future." So I did.

[00:03:19]I thought love would come later. But later never came. My career took off. I bought my own apartment. I traveled the world. But at night, my home is silent.

[00:03:29]No husband, no children, just me and my achievements. I rejected good men because they weren't perfect. Not tall enough, not rich enough, not ambitious enough. I thought I deserved the best.

[00:03:41]But the best men married younger, softer women. women who didn't intimidate them.

[00:03:46]Now my friends are married. They complain about their husbands, their children, their messy lives. But they have something real. I have promotions.

[00:03:54]I have awards. And I have loneliness. I wish I had known no degree can warm your bed. No salary can hug you at night. I was so proud, so independent. Now I see.

[00:04:07]I was just afraid. Afraid to need someone. Afraid to be vulnerable. If I could go back, I would tell my younger self, "Don't chase perfection. Chase love before it's too late. But now it is too late, and all I have are my regrets." She chased the wrong dreams.

[00:04:26]She thought success meant money, degrees, and pride, but forgot the warmth of a shared life. Now she blames her ambition, when the truth is simpler.

[00:04:36]She feared love more than loneliness. A strong woman doesn't regret her education or career. She regrets not having the courage to balance both.

[00:04:45]>> I am a successful, beautiful, and highly educated woman. My standards are not high. They are just basic. Yet, no man can meet them. All the men I meet are useless. They stare at their phone screens all day, scrolling and tapping like mindless robots. They have no ambition, no charm, no elegance. I deserve a man who is tall. at least 188 cm with a perfect face, a high salary, a luxury house, and a sports car. He must also be romantic, never tired, never boring, and never look at his phone when I speak. But what do I find? Men who check their messages during dinner, who laugh at memes instead of discussing art, who think Netflix and chill is a date idea. Disgusting. I refuse to lower my standards. If men cannot put down their phones, cannot speak intelligently, cannot worship me like a queen, then I would rather stay single forever, I am not left over. I am selectively waiting for a man who does not exist. And if he never comes, then the world has failed me. A woman should go after a man's money, not the man himself. Do you know what the most disgusting mindset a woman can have is?

[00:05:57]Always trying to prove to a man, I like you for who you are, not for your money.

[00:06:01]Let me tell you, only the dumbest women think like that. I study human nature professionally and I'm telling you how men really think. Whether you want him for who he is or for his money, he only wants one thing from you, your youth, and your body. So remember this for the rest of your life, from the very first day you deal with men. The type of man who can't leave you is the one who spends money on you. The more he spends, the more he can't walk away. So, what's this nonsense about liking a man for who he is, not for his money? I want the money. So what? While I still have some beauty, I should go for the money. When you can get a man to buy you a house, buy you a car, and give you spending money, trust me, he won't leave you.

[00:06:48]He's invested too much. In economics, this is called sunk cost, right? And even if he does leave, so what? At least your youth wasn't wasted. When I teach female business owners, I tell them the same thing. You must understand behavioral science. All men are animals.

[00:07:07]You need to analyze your partner using behavioral science. Same with clients.

[00:07:12]Don't waste your days wondering how to serve clients better. From the very beginning, you should know I must get money out of this client. If you can't make money from him, he is not a high-quality client. Why keep him? You know the saying, those who cater to losers will lose everything. Losers only take advantage of you. It's the same when choosing a husband or a man. You must stay with a man who has money.

[00:07:37]Otherwise, you waste your body, your youth. Then when you get sick, he has no money and you'll have to pay for treatment yourself. So I tell all of you, remember this forever. When you truly understand marketing, you can see through life. Everything you face every day is human nature. To defeat the opponent, use anger. To take their strength, use strategy.

[00:08:03]Older leftover women are really a tragedy. Once a woman is over 33 years old, no matter how beautiful she is, it's basically hopeless. For older leftover women, it's really hard to find a partner. They always say things like, "So many people used to chase me, and they were all such good matches. You always think the best one will be the next one. Then when your co-workers, friends, and close girlfriends, people who you once thought were not as good as you end up marrying well, you start believing you'll definitely marry someone 10 times better than they did.

[00:08:38]Otherwise, you feel like your beautiful face has gone to waste. But after picking and picking, you find that each option is worse than the last. By the time you reach 37 or 38, you might finally choose a divorced man with a child. If his conditions are even slightly better, he's likely more than 10 years older than you. If you can't accept that, then you'll just have to keep waiting until you grow old and have to support yourself in old age. That's probably how your story will end. Well, the ending for older leftover women is definitely having a home but no family.

[00:09:14]Back then, people believed there were about 30 million more women than men, but based on the number of women in their so-called glory years. The figure is already close to 100 million. In Ningbo, the reality is that there are more women than men, and a large proportion of them are quite good-looking. These women in their mid30s are the leftover ones, and across all of China, their proportion is actually higher than average. They expect the man's age not to be too old.

[00:09:44]his finances not to be too unstable and his personal security level not to be too low. Yet they completely ignore the reality that in western countries age is a big factor. Since around 2002 they have collectively entered the matchmaking market to fight over men and these 35 plus women are at a clear disadvantage.

[00:10:07]Even those who try to find men from other places still haven't faced reality. Like that one woman from out of town who said, "If you don't take me, I'll just casually find some rich guy to go with today." But in truth, those so-called foolish rich guys are extremely rare. For older leftover women marrying outside their hometown, it feels like they think there must be some grand world changing seen awaiting them.

[00:10:32]I am 38 years old and still unmarried.

[00:10:35]Sometimes I feel lonely and wonder if I will ever find someone to share my life with. My friends and family are all married. And though they don't say it, I know they worry about me. I try to stay strong and focus on my work. But deep down, I long for a partner, someone who understands me, cares for me, and walks beside me through life's ups and downs.

[00:10:56]I believe love doesn't have an age limit, but sometimes I can't help but feel anxious. Will I ever meet the right person? Will I have the chance to build a family of my own? I pray that God or fate will bring me a good man, kind, responsible, and sincere. Until then, I will keep hoping and working on myself, trusting that one day my time for love will come. If anyone reads this, please pray for me or send me good thoughts. I just want a simple, happy life with someone who truly loves me. Thank you for listening to my heart.

[00:11:29]>> Absolutely avoid dating older leftover women. Today, I'll break down why.

[00:11:35]First, let's talk about their advantages. They're obvious. These women are mature, sensible, and not clingy. To put it bluntly, they can read your mind with just a glance. They can hold deep conversations with you, even making you feel like you've met your soulmate. This kind of mature, understanding woman is easy to fall for. You might even feel a strong physical attraction. But the downsides of older, leftover women are just too glaring. They're materialistic and selfish. No matter how much money they have, they won't spend a dime on a man. They'll say things like, "I've been hurt before. That's why I'm like this."

[00:12:12]So, you'll have to pay for the mistakes of her past and the youth she's lost. If you get involved with her, you'll be expected to bankroll her entire life.

[00:12:21]This kind of woman is incredibly selfish, materialistic, and full of herself. Ever since the internet boom in recent years, these leftover women have lost all sense of insecurity. They've been fed so much self-help nonsense that they've turned into delusional old crows. The moment you get close, you'll realize age is the least of their problems. Not only will they drive you insane, but they're also childish in behavior and language, all while being extremely arrogant. Older leftover men, at worst, they're just cheap, socially awkward, and bad at conversation. But older leftover women, you can't even imagine the kind of bizarre thinking they might have. Have you ever encountered an older leftover woman?

[00:13:05]Leave your thoughts in the comments.

[00:13:10]>> Has capital already begun to abandon Chinese women. Why? Because women are gradually becoming less useful to capital. The reason men today are waking up. At this point, some sensitive and fragile women might get angry, but don't assume I'm talking nonsense. Men are already starting to resist. More and more are choosing to stay single and not marry. They're no longer willing to spend money chasing women. Some have outright given up on marriage altogether. And capital at its core is all about making money. The situation now is clear. Smart men have woken up.

[00:13:48]The era of men being economic providers is over. When men earn money now, they'd rather spend it on themselves to please themselves. They no longer want to use money to please women. For women, the tools of wealth extraction and social climbing have already begun to rot and be abandoned because men are no longer willing to play along. Statistics show that since 2021, the number of Chinese men spending over 1,000 rem per month has far surpassed that of women. Don't assume men don't spend much in daily life. When they do spend, it's often in big amounts. Hundreds of thousands on a car, 50,000 or 60,000 on a snowboard, tens of thousands on in-game purchases or modifying their cars. They travel the world to ski dive. The truth is, men have never been short on money. They just lowered their standards before in pursuit of women. Now they're rethinking things. They've started to focus on loving themselves, pleasing themselves, and rejecting transactional relationships. So, for those women who think they can test a man's sincerity with money, that tactic is starting to fail. Can we just focus on genuine relationships now? Going forward, any chance of squeezing money out of men will likely come down to pure luck. In China, women who stay single past the age of 27 are often called leftover women. This term may sound harsh, but it is used often in society, on TV, and even by some families. Many people believe that a woman who isn't married by a certain age has missed her chance.

[00:15:23]I got kicked out of the house again.

[00:15:26]I've realized that no matter how wholeheartedly I give myself to this family, it's useless. My parents only see me as a burden, a money losing deal.

[00:15:36]They say a married daughter is like spilled water, but I'm not even married yet, and they're already trying to kick me out every day. I feel like I've lost more than I've gained, so I've decided to leave home. I won't stay here anymore. I want to break away from my original family. I don't know if things will get much better, but I hope so.

[00:15:58]Parents often worry that if their daughter does not marry soon, she will be alone forever. They fear that others will gossip and say the family failed to raise her well. In some cases, parents feel ashamed or even angry. Older single women are picky, but their mothers are even pickier. Even if you manage to pass the test of the older single woman, it's still hard to get past her mother's test. It's not that women from the past were better than now. It's just that they were born in the wrong era. Back then, there weren't many choices. But if they had been born now in today's society, I'm telling you, they'd be even pickier. A lot of people didn't get to fulfill their dreams when they were young. So now they put all their hopes on their daughters. Have you seen those matchmaking shows for seniors? Those aunties and grandmas are already in their 50s or 60s, and their demands are even more outrageous than those of young women today. So, when you're dating or going on blind dates, if a girl says, "My parents don't agree, or I have to listen to my mom, or I need to get past my parents first." I'm telling you, walk away early. The moment you start getting involved, your whole family will end up owing her something. These women are not lazy or difficult. Many are highly educated, have good jobs, and live independently. They take care of themselves and contribute to society.

[00:17:23]But still they are told they are too old to be attractive or good enough for marriage. I never thought that one day I would be driven out by my own family.

[00:17:32]Half of the pressure comes from society and the other half truly comes entirely from my parents. I really feel like older unmarried women are being pushed out of their original families. I'm currently going through that myself.

[00:17:46]It's the first day of the Lunar New Year and there's already been a big argument.

[00:17:51]I wasn't feeling well today, probably because I was bombarded with pressure yesterday. I didn't eat anything this morning and went straight to the hospital. Later, my mom came to find me and we went shopping together. Things seemed peaceful for a bit. We strolled down a street calmly. Then, she brought up the topic of marriage and getting engaged. I told her I'm not in a rush.

[00:18:14]But if I can't give them a clear answer that matches what they want, then they think something's wrong, that I'm wrong, or it's not acceptable. And the moment I try to argue back, they say things like, "Can't you just listen for once? Can you let me finish talking? Can't you behave?" But when I do stay quiet and just listen, then it turns into, "Can't you say something? What's wrong with you? I never imagined I'd also be kicked out by my own family. They're desperate to get me engaged and married as soon as possible. The funny part is my boyfriend and I, neither of us wants to get married or engaged. The ones who want it are our parents. Honestly, I want to say to them, why don't you just arrange it yourselves? Put two mannequins on the stage and call it a day. Why is it that the people actually involved don't want to marry, but everyone else insists we should? Is it really necessary? And now I can't even enjoy shopping anymore. I fled like a chicken. What makes me really sad is that life isn't supposed to be this hard. I feel like half the pressure comes from society and the other half truly all comes from parents.

[00:19:25]I won't deny that they love us. But I also can't deny that every holiday, especially during New Year, they give us endless stress. I thought I could make it through this year. I followed all the survival tips online. Thought I could withstand the bombardment, but no, I wasn't strong enough. I still couldn't handle their fire. What do I do now?

[00:19:47]Really, what do I do? Right now, I'm just sitting alone on the side of the street. Lonely trees and lonely me.

[00:19:55]They've gone off shopping now, and I've been left behind by myself, not even knowing where to go. If a woman is still unmarried at an older age, it only means she has lived too happily. It shows that her parents from her original family never forced her out, never kicked her out of the house. They let her stay, which means they truly loved her deeply.

[00:20:16]Otherwise, they would have married her off to any random man just to get her out of the house. Once she's gone, the parents feel relieved. They feel like they fulfilled their duty as parents.

[00:20:28]Whether their daughter ends up happy or not, whether the man she marries is any good, or even whether she gets abused, they don't care. Many parents don't really care how their daughter is doing.

[00:20:39]They only care about themselves. They care about saving face and whether their child is married. As long as she's married, that's all that matters to them. Who she marries or how she lives doesn't matter. Some people use the phrase, "Women who don't get married will suffer when they're old to scare women." But in reality, this is just men projecting their own inner fears. Just take a walk through a hospital and you'll see. Elderly men without a partner truly do suffer with no one around to take care of them. But elderly women are often cared for by daughters or female friends. It's actually rare for an elderly woman to be cared for by a husband. Men are terrified of being left alone in old age without anyone to look after them, so they impose that fear onto women. In a male-dominated society, a man's social value usually revolves around profit and resources. If he's successful, he might receive praise in middle age, but once he grows old or faces a setback and is pushed out of the game, no one cares anymore. On the other hand, women's social lives are much more diverse. Even though patriarchal society tries to slander and divide female friendships, we still see groups of women shopping together, older women chatting and bonding in public squares, neighbors buying groceries and dancing together. This is the rich social world of women. Remember, no man is worth giving up your own circle of friends.

[00:22:07]The scare tactics aimed at single older women are just a way to pressure you into following the path they want for you. Why is it that older single men are ignored? Cuz frankly, no one cares about them. A woman's later life does not depend on marriage. So the idea that not getting married will be miserable is nonsense when it comes to women. Girls, have you noticed that it's really hard for older single women in Sichuan and Chongqing, especially in Chingdu, to find a partner? Because not only are the women competing with you for men, even the men are competing with you, for men.

[00:22:43]If you happen to find a guy who looks decent and seems like he'd be good for marriage. Turns out he's gay. I'm not even kidding. After you've been through a whole round of blind dates, you realize that most of the guys left on the market are either not normal or simply can't get a wife. There's also this type of guy who's super into traditional manners and raising kids, but has a huge superiority complex. And then there's another type, basically old men who've been playing the game for ages, like thousand-year-old foxes. You can't outplay them. So sometimes I think if it's really this hard to find someone, maybe I should just give up.

[00:23:20]But then late at night when everything's quiet, I start thinking again. I see other families happy and loving, and I want that, too. I want to get married.

[00:23:29]But when it comes time to marry and you can't find the right person, should you just settle? But if you do settle, you'll start asking yourself, why should I compromise? I've been living alone for so many years already. Why should I spend the rest of my life with someone I don't even like? It's really conflicting. Girls, have you ever felt this way? Sometimes I think I figured it all out and tell myself, "Maybe I just won't get married. But I still feel like having a child is something I really want. What do you girls think? Isn't that true? Over the past few days, I've talked to many people and read a lot of information. The proportion of unmarried women over 30 is really high. But the reality is that in the matchmaking market, no matter how outstanding you are, just being over 30 is enough to make most men back off. I think this is something many women haven't figured out whether they actually need marriage or not. My mom used to say that if I wasn't married by 26, she'd kick me out of the house. Of course, she was exaggerating, but it definitely planted a sense of urgency in my subconscious. I'm actually someone who is pretty goal oriented. I like to plan, so I was very clear about it. I knew I needed marriage, so I acted before it was too late. When my husband once wanted to delay marriage until after 30, even though it was painful, I brought up the idea of breaking up. In the end, he gave in because of my determination. Now, we've been together for 9 years. Some people might want to argue with me and say, "You're just lucky. What if you get divorced later?

[00:25:08]Why worry about so many what-ifs?" No matter the outcome, as long as it's your own decision and you have the courage and ability to take responsibility, it's fine. Who can guarantee they'll never divorce? Are you going to stop eating just because you're afraid of choking?

[00:25:24]The hardest thing in the world is people's mouths. Many people say, "If I can't find the right person, I just won't get married." But that's not the right mindset. You can say you don't want to get married or that you don't need marriage, and that's fine. But saying, "I won't get married unless I find the right one." That's just avoidance and passivity. If you've already decided that you want marriage, then put in more effort. Expand your network. Meet more people. Eventually, you'll find someone suitable. If someone doesn't like you, then improve yourself.

[00:25:58]Work out, learn makeup, read more books.

[00:26:00]Don't brainwash yourself or make excuses. If you keep dragging things year after year, you'll regret it. And to the parents watching this, if you need to push your kids, push them. Don't hold back just because you think they'll be upset. When they get older and can't find anyone, that's when they'll truly regret it. Of course, if someone has firmly decided they don't want to get married, then that should be respected.

[00:26:26]We need to allow different people and different voices to exist in this