You Thought Life Would Feel Easier By Now

Added: 2026-05-23

[00:00:01]I think most of us had a rough picture in our heads. Not some kind of fantasy, but just a shape of a general sense, I guess, of how it would all go.

[00:00:11]Work hard in your 30s, get through the difficult years, pay the mortgage down, build the pension up, and get the kids through school. And then at some point, I thought I'd feel more settled, like I'd arrived somewhere.

[00:00:28]Well, that was the deal, wasn't it?

[00:00:30]That was what all this effort was for.

[00:00:34]But I keep reading comments from people who did all of this, followed the plan, did everything right, put the money away, kept going, and they're still waiting.

[00:00:46]One person said, "I thought once the mortgage was gone, I'd feel free.

[00:00:51]It went, and I just found something else to worry about."

[00:00:56]Another one said, "I've been saying one more year for 4 years now.

[00:01:02]I don't know what I'm waiting for anymore."

[00:01:04]And the third one, and this one probably stayed with me more than the others, well, they just wrote, "I don't think it got easier.

[00:01:13]I think I just got used to it."

[00:01:17]And that last one, that's the one, isn't it?

[00:01:20]We talk a lot, or I talk a lot on this channel about numbers, the pension, the state pension, whether you've got enough to leave.

[00:01:29]And those things all matter, they really do.

[00:01:33]But I don't think the feeling most people are waiting for is actually all about the numbers.

[00:01:39]Because the numbers changed for a lot of people, you know, the mortgage did go, the pension did grow, the kids did get through school.

[00:01:49]And the feeling? Well, it didn't really follow.

[00:01:52]Which makes you wonder, what if the feeling was never going to arrive on its own anyway? What if you were waiting for something that doesn't work the way you assumed it would?

[00:02:07]Cuz what I think happened for a lot of us anyway is that we built a picture in our 50s from our 30s.

[00:02:17]And in our 30s the problems were more practical. The house, kids, salary, getting stable.

[00:02:26]So we assumed that solving the practical things would bring the feeling.

[00:02:33]But by the time you get here the problems are harder to put your finger on really.

[00:02:40]It's not the mortgage.

[00:02:41]It's something else. Something that's harder to understand.

[00:02:47]You keep we you wonder whether the version of yourself that comes home from work is actually [clears throat] you.

[00:02:55]Or just what's left at that point.

[00:02:59]And no amount of extra pension contributions can sort that.

[00:03:03]The practical problems well they had a finish line. You could see when they were done.

[00:03:09]These ones don't.

[00:03:12]Now I turned 58 this year.

[00:03:14]And I genuinely believed that at some point in my 40s that by now I'd feel different.

[00:03:21]Not perfect, just like I knew what stage I was at.

[00:03:27]And my mortgage is gone.

[00:03:29]Jake has turned 14 and doing well.

[00:03:32]The pension's in a reasonable shape. So on paper I'm in a much better position than I was at 40.

[00:03:40]But I don't feel more settled for it.

[00:03:43]And I don't think I'm the only one sitting here thinking that I thought I'd recognize this stage of life more than I do.

[00:03:52]Like I've done the things. I've got to the place.

[00:03:57]All this stuff that I was aiming for.

[00:04:00]And it doesn't feel the way that I expected it to feel.

[00:04:05]And I think the most honest answer is that life didn't get easier. We just absorbed more of it.

[00:04:13]Sensibly, not like recklessly in any way.

[00:04:17]The things you're supposed to take on.

[00:04:19]Bigger responsibilities, more people depending on you.

[00:04:23]A bigger life, if you like. You know, in all the ways that are supposed to count.

[00:04:28]And somewhere in there, the version of things you you were aiming for, well, they got replaced by just managing.

[00:04:37]Managing well, coping properly, and getting through it.

[00:04:42]Which [clears throat] I wouldn't say is nothing.

[00:04:44]But it's not what you thought you were building towards.

[00:04:49]Now, I don't think I've really got any clear answers here.

[00:04:54]I'm not even sure there is one.

[00:04:57]But I do think there's something strange about getting to the stage of life that you spent your years working towards.

[00:05:05]And then sitting there thinking, "Is this it?"

[00:05:11]Not because things are bad. Not because I think we failed or you failed. Just because you thought you'd feel more like yourself by now.

[00:05:24]And maybe that's the bit that nobody really talks about.