The Language of the Eyes

[00:00:00]First of all, you never change eyes, and you what you do is you pick an eye. Now, which eye do you pick? I look at with this eye because the camera is there. I look at this eye at your eye there.

[00:00:12]Which brings [music] my face, you can see.

[00:00:15]If I look with this eye at that eye, look what you get.

[00:00:20]You see the difference? But, it's the same look.

[00:00:23]And if I keep blinking, it weakens me.

[00:00:28]But, if I'm talking [music] to you, and I don't blink, and I just keep going, and I don't blink, and I keep on going, and I don't blink, you start to listen to what I'm saying.

[00:00:41]>> [laughter] >> And it makes me a very strong person as opposed to [music] someone who's sitting there going which is someone who's completely flustered.

[00:00:51]>> I'm going to share [music] with you the proper way to make eye contact, and I hope from the moment you leave this room until for ever, that you'll always use this technique.

[00:01:02]You always look your listener or the speaker when you must make eye contact, you look at them into their left eye.

[00:01:12]>> Sorry.

[00:01:12]>> I'm already using a certain form of eye contact with you to create emotional resonance.

[00:01:17]>> What kind of eye contact are you using with me?

[00:01:20]>> [laughter] >> Tell me.

[00:01:21]>> So, basically, >> We'll go back to the whole mental thing and we'll just park that.

[00:01:24]>> we'll park that. It's it's related.

[00:01:26][music] >> Okay.

[00:01:27]>> Um so, when a baby is born, one of the ways that it learns what emotion the mom's experiencing, [music] how it understands its own emotions, and you know, everything that grows over childhood and teenage into, you know, prosocial behavior, starts off mostly >> [music] >> with eye contact with the mom. So, at first, they can hardly see anything.

[00:01:45]They can just kind of see two blobs, and then they start [music] to understand more about like micro facial expression changes and stuff. But, eye contact with the mom is hugely important.

[00:01:52]So, most people are right-handed, [music] so they'll be holding their baby in their left arm so they can still use their dominant hand to do stuff. And that means that [music] when you gaze at your baby, your right eye is looking into their left eye.

[00:02:03]And then that interaction that from the optic nerve is going around the brain. It's impacting the um amygdala where emotions come from.

[00:02:13]And it's creating this emotional resonance [music] loop that's part of how the mother and the baby bond.

[00:02:18]So that right eye to left [music] eye eye contact is the most bonding eye contact that you can have with someone.

[00:02:22]>> What's all that mean? The reason that that's important is we spend most of our time [music] trying to convince someone to do something. Either we're in sales and we're trying to make a sale.

[00:02:32]We're a parent and we're trying to convince children to do the right thing.

[00:02:36]We're a husband or wife and we're trying to convince our spouse that we should take this vacation.

[00:02:40]The secret to getting to yes is by looking them in the left eye when you make that eye contact.

[00:02:48]Well, Rod, scientifically, philosophically, okay.

[00:02:52]It was time for me to put it to practical use. So even when I came out here, it's kind of dark, but I can see you.

[00:02:58]I look on the left side of your face because I knew I was going to ask you how many of you have decided. I knew you were going to make up your minds whether you liked me or not, so [music] I had to hedge my bet.

[00:03:08]What I want to make sure is that every one of you really get this. When I began to practically look at people in their left eye, something [music] else happened that I didn't intend.

[00:03:18]I could see the pupils [music] of the person I was speaking to.

[00:03:23]Well, why is that important? Because physiologically, if your pupils dilate and someone is speaking to [music] you or when you're speaking to someone else, that means that that person is interested in what's being said.

[00:03:36]However, if your pupils constrict and they look like the top of a pin, that person has no time for you, they're not interested, and they can't wait for you to stop talking.

[00:03:46]In the sales world, we call those people pushy sales people. How many of you love pushy sales people?

[00:03:51]No one. And what happens Somebody raised their hand in the back? What happens when we get a pushy salesperson that's not paying attention >> [music] >> to the signs? What if they would look in her eyes and watch the pupils, they'd understand that a constricted pupil says, "You need more information."

[00:04:06]And what I typically would do is say, "Listen, I can tell that you still have [music] something that's bothering you.

[00:04:11]Let's talk about it." And then hopefully you'll tell me, and I could literally overcome that particular objection and watch the pupils grow. And as the pupils grow, I know it's now time for me to say, "Well, what is it that you want to do next?" And you close the sale.

[00:04:27]>> Well, I got um >> [music] >> there's a little trick which is from James Cagney.

[00:04:33]Um if you if you not necessarily evil, but if you want to look tough, you bring the head up first, then the eyes.

[00:04:45]>> This tip is about flickering your eyes, flickering your eyes. Now, at this moment, I think I'm just flickering my eyes time by time, not too much, uh not too often, not too obvious.

[00:05:03]But, flickering the eye can uh add a different touch to your character cuz if I'm uh talking like this within a scene against my opposite character, it gives me uh yeah, some kind of uh less confidence. If I'm talking like this to my female opposite character and just telling her I I love you, it's uh different than when I'm talking to her like this.

[00:05:36]And um yeah, I think uh this has a little bit more of confidence.

[00:05:43]Just not flickering my eyes and just telling her "I love you."

[00:05:49]It's different than "I love you."

[00:05:53]>> [music] >> Yes, I do.

[00:05:56]So, flickering the eyes makes a big difference in power of your character.