HIGHLIGHT | Birds Of A Feather: The Strange Similarity of Narcissists

Added: 2026-06-03

[00:00:05]To make it very, very simple, we could call narcissism self-focus.

[00:00:11]If someone has too much narcissism, if the amount of narcissism in someone's personality is disproportionate, that means they have too much self-focus.

[00:00:20]Self-focus is definitely necessary for human beings. This is why you hear people say that there is such a thing as healthy narcissism, or that everybody has some narcissism. It's true.

[00:00:32]Everybody does have some self-focus.

[00:00:36]Narcissism in and of itself is not a bad thing. Self-focus is not bad. There are some people who would perhaps argue with that, but the reality is this argument generally comes from a more limited understanding of what narcissism actually is, or from people placing a negative connotation on the word itself that isn't a part of its actual definition.

[00:00:59]Narcissism, self-focus, is not only necessary for healthy human development, but for healthy human existence.

[00:01:07]However, when someone has too much narcissism, when they have never grown out of the totally self-focused stage of development and have instead grown into it, they focus on themselves to the exclusion of all other things and in such a way that negatively impacts their lives in multiple or even all areas.

[00:01:29]If someone's level of narcissism is pathological, this means that it is so dominant in their personality and it affects so many things so much that, to put it very simply, it becomes like an illness. It follows a predictable path of expression, progression, or manifestation, and therefore we tend to see predictable patterns and systems of impact in these situations.

[00:01:54]This is one of the reasons people ask things like, "Geez, how are all narcissists the same? Did they all read the same book?" The reality is the machinations and manipulations that we see in these personalities are all a part of basic human programming. We see many of these in toddlers, for example.

[00:02:12]People often make the mistake of believing that because we're able to explain how and why these things work, this means narcissists must have learned it somewhere and that's how they know how to do it. But, it doesn't need to be learned. It can be normalized, it can be modeled, encouraged, and condoned instead of corrected by somebody's caregivers or their parents, but it doesn't need to be learned. Humans wanted to find out how to explain these things because they were already happening. That's why we can explain them, not the other way around. These things were not invented by anybody.

[00:02:45]They have always existed. It's just that how they work and why they work can now be explained. That doesn't mean that people using these tactics understand how they work or why they work or that they care.

[00:02:58]It's kind of like using a remote control. Most people know how to use a remote control, but you might not understand how it works. For example, you might not understand why pushing this certain button on the remote causes the device that the remote is paired with to react a certain way. And you probably don't care because you don't need to understand how it works in order to use it. All you need to know is what button to push.

[00:03:21]This appears to be how many narcissists use manipulation. You now understanding it doesn't mean that they do or that they care. You sought out that information because you had to. Chances are, these folks have not. They just do what they do and what they have always done. That's not to say that some of these personalities don't plan and plot manipulative schemes, but the majority of narcissists seem to operate on autopilot in many respects. They tend not to think these things out in the way that, for example, the people who are dealing with the things have to think things out in order to understand what has happened to them. It's just not really the same. You have a very strong motive and a reason for trying to understand what was done to you and what happened to you. They have no reason to care.

[00:04:09]So, to answer the question, did they all read the same book? No, of course not.

[00:04:13]But, the human mind generally works in basically the same ways under the same general circumstances. That's how you end up with people who have similar issues or face similar circumstances reacting and behaving in the same basic ways, having the same basic emotional experiences, and things like that. Just like the people who are dealing with narcissists end up with similar situations, feelings, behaviors, and mindsets, narcissists are not any different in that regard. They might not be the same as you, but they tend to be pretty similar to each other.

[00:04:44]That's how these videos are able to resonate with so many people.

[00:04:47]Narcissists all have the same basic issues causing them to have similar emotional and psychological experiences, which results in them having similar motivations and therefore behaving in similar ways. People often find this amazing or strange, but really it's not surprising at all when you look at it that way. It actually makes perfect sense.