How I Calm Myself as an Autistic Adult

[00:00:00]I kind of feel like as an autistic person that I almost have to like get ahead of my overwhelm and get ahead of my over stimulation in a way, if that makes sense. Like I need to intentionally do things to help calm me, to help regulate me, to help me feel more grounded and just like collected in my in my brain and my body before it gets too late. And of course, I don't always succeed at that. Um, just I I think part of the autistic experience is dealing with a lot of overwhelm and then finding ways to accommodate ourselves when it comes to this overwhelm and and really finding ways to manage this overwhelm. So, I made a little list on my phone of just different ways that I calm myself as an autistic adult specifically. And uh these are some things that um I've kind of done almost like all throughout my life, like not even like before I even knew that I was autistic, before I was diagnosed, I kind of like learned these things naturally.

[00:01:04]And then after receiving my autism diagnosis, uh I'm like, "Oh, okay, that makes sense. I understand why that would help." Um and then I kind of added a few things to my list as well. And I I also have learned the hard way that taking care of ourselves and intentionally calming ourselves is so so so important.

[00:01:30]I've had a few periods of autistic burnout throughout my life where like I I I just could not function. And anyone who's been in in an experience like that, you understand how difficult it is. Um, and doing these things hopefully can help me kind of try to get ahead of that when I notice myself getting more overwhelmed or when I just notice myself getting overstimulated in the dayto-day.

[00:01:57]So, let's go ahead and start with number one on my list, and that is movement.

[00:02:03]Movement is huge for me. Movement helps me connect with my body. I feel like normally my baseline state is it's like my brain and body are disconnected. I have a really hard time understanding what's going on in here.

[00:02:20]And it's like I I almost like don't have like a connection with my body unless I do things to help ground me into my body. for me. And if you've been watching my channel or or you follow along on my socials for a while, you know that weightlifting is my thing. Uh I've been going to the gym since I was like 14 years old. I lift weights about five to six times a week, and that's like the number one thing [snorts] that really, really, really helps me. I think the heaviness of the weights like kind of grounds me. I love how it feels to like get the blood flowing through my body and get the blood pumping in my muscles because it's like I can feel my body for the only time during that day.

[00:03:04]Uh, and it kind of just like gets me out of my head. It gets me out of my thoughts and it gets me into like a more grounded present state because I'm not aware of what's going on in here as much as I'm more aware of what's going on in my body. And weightlifting is my thing and it's not everyone's thing and it's probably not going to be most people's thing, but I wanted to include it because it's it's like my special interest. It's the one thing that really helps me. Maybe that's not your thing and that's okay. There's so many other forms of movement.

[00:03:36]Sometimes just like getting up and like shaking your body, just like shaking it out, just like even like turning on some music and just like dancing to it, not even caring if anyone's watching or what what you look like when you're doing it.

[00:03:51]That can really help. Um, walking, even just like a light walk kind of helps again to get you out of your head and like back into your body.

[00:04:04]Um, stretching is a really big one for me, too. I've been trying to do more mobility along with my weightlifting because uh yeah, I I feel like I'm need need to take care of of those joints and muscle muscles and tendons and everything. Um, so yeah, I've been doing like stretches and mobility in the morning and I I notice that when I first go into it, it's like I'm in one headsp space and when I come out of my stretching, I'm in a completely different headsp space. I feel calmer. I feel um more attentive to what's going on internally, uh, which helps me then show up more presently externally throughout my day. Um, maybe it's like sports. Maybe you enjoy doing certain sports. Like whatever it is, movement is one of those things that that really helps uh again with that aspect of getting out of my head and into my body, which in turn just helps me feel more calm overall because uh there's a lot a lot going on in my mind. So, the number one thing with this specifically with movement and with everything on my list today is finding what works for you, finding what's accessible to you, finding what's available to you and and and trying to do that. So, maybe it is weightlifting, maybe it's walking, maybe it's stretching, maybe it's playing certain sports, maybe it's dancing, maybe it's just like shaking it out. Whatever it is, uh try something. And uh if you're kind of like feeling stagnant or stuck or just like almost like in a cycle in a loop in your head, try this and see if it helps. Uh number two on my list is nature and fresh air and uh anything that involves that. And uh you know, I'll be [snorts] honest, this summer has been kind of brutal for me. I haven't wanted to spend as much time outside as I usually do. Um you know, it's just been hot. the sun is just like it's so bright and overstimulating. So, this is like one of those things where um it's not going to be every day and and I find that I get outside much more in the fall and in the spring and even in the winter where it isn't um as over stimulating for me and it is more kind of like a grounding calming experience. Uh, and during these times like of course when the weather is comfortable and and it's not super bright outside. Um, I find just like spending time in the trees, listening to the birds, noticing like all the little details of nature around me is another one of those things that again, it kind of like pulls me out of the craziness going on in my mind and it just kind of allows me to gently ease into a more present, more mindful state.

[00:06:54]Um, even like what I've been trying to do also is like just stepping out on our balcony and just getting like [snorts and sighs] a few minutes of fresh air. That that also can make a huge difference I notice with myself.

[00:07:08]Um, and there's nothing like fresh morning air. There's like this like fresh scent to it. Everything feels a lot more calm and more peaceful in the mornings. Um, so that's that's that's been my thing lately is like fresh morning air. I don't know what it is about it. Um, I don't know. It it just it just helps me feel a lot better. Um, number three on my list, and this is kind of like a bunch of different things, and again, this is one that you're going to really have to find what works for you, but um, utilizing sensory accommodations.

[00:07:43]I use sensory accommodations all throughout my day, and it's kind of become second nature for me. I always have, of course, right now I don't, but most of the time I have my AirPods in my pocket at all times. If the dogs are barking, I can put them in. Um, if there's a loud motorcycle, whatever that goes by, I can put them in. Um, things like uh sunglasses, especially if if we're talking about going outside and going into nature, sunglasses can really help with with the bright lights or I'm sorry, with the bright sun. Um, even with the bright lights inside, too. Um, wearing comfortable clothes. As you can see in most of my videos, I'm usually wearing like athleisure. This is like what I usually wear on the dayto-day. Um, I think partially because I'm a gym rat, but also because it's it's comfortable. It's what I like to wear. Um, lowering the lighting. And in our apartment, we use a lot of like warm lighting as opposed to like the bright overhead lighting. Um, or if I'm in like an overstimulating environment and I can kind of like catch those cues of starting to feel kind of warm in my body. I'm starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable, maybe a little bit irritable. I think this means I might be getting overstimulated. Okay, going to have to find a way to leave.

[00:09:02]And that's also an accommodation as well. So, those are just like some a short list of things that really work for me when it comes to accommodations, but there's so many different things that can help with like so many different aspects of your sensory overwhelm experience as an autistic person. So, again, it's just kind of like finding what works for you. And uh this is one of the big ones that really helps me get ahead of my overwhelm and over stimulation because you know before I was really like intentional with using my sensory accommodations. I would only use them after it was too late where they help but I'm already drained. I'm already overstimulated. Yeah. It can bring my I guess like energy levels back up a bit. it can make me feel a little bit calmer. But if I can start beforehand before I get overwhelmed, uh, that's a really big one. And just like a simple example I can think of with that is like going to the grocery store, putting my headphones in before I even walk in, before there's a loud sound, before I get overwhelmed. Um, that way it just kind of again it it stays on top of these things uh before like before we get so over stimulated that it it's that it doesn't seem to help. And now just a quick break from the video to tell you about this eye massager. With the work that I do, I spend a ton of time on screens during the day editing videos, answering emails, social media, all of that. And so by the end of the day, my eyes definitely feel tired. That's why I'm so thankful for Bob and Brad for sponsoring this video. I've been using this. This is the iFlow massager as part of my windown and self-care routine. This thing is awesome. These little pads right here have cooling and heat and it cools off and heats up within seconds.

[00:10:51]and eye massager on soothing mode.

[00:10:57]Bluetooth connected medium compression.

[00:11:01]>> Personally, I like the cooling feature in the mornings just to kind of help me wake up a little bit. And then when I'm relaxing before bed, I'll turn on the heat setting.

[00:11:10]>> And it's nice that I don't have to throw it in the freezer like a gel eye mask. I can literally just turn it on and use it whenever I want. And it's so easy to switch between the different modes when wearing this. Plus, it's surprisingly quiet.

[00:11:23]It's lightweight and it's super comfortable. I can just lay back for 10, 15 minutes and just relax.

[00:11:36]I would definitely add this to the list of tools and accommodations I use to help me calm down. And I think that finding those little moments to just slow down and just breathe and just relax throughout the day can be so helpful for us.

[00:11:54]So, if you want to try this for yourself, then check out the link in the description below to get 10% off. And just a quick disclosure, it's not intended for people who've had eye surgery or who have glaucoma or cataracts. Thanks again to Bob and Brad for sponsoring this portion of the video. And now, let's get back to it.

[00:12:08]The next on my list is allowing myself to stem. Uh, I I've definitely learned to kind of like mask my stems over the years, especially when I'm not at home.

[00:12:19]Um, but when I'm at home, like I'm I'm a stemming machine. And you can even ask Nikki. Um, I'm I think one of the the one of my top stems at home is like echoleia and vocal stems. like there's always like sounds or words or like patterns of words or like different songs and songs I make up just like coming out of my mouth all the time.

[00:12:45]That is something that helps me feel regulated. Um I also find that I stem by like fidgeting a lot with my hands, with my fingers, um shaking my leg, uh wiggling my toes. I do that a lot too.

[00:12:59]Um and then even using like different like fidget tools. I I share the Ono roller a lot. I work with them. Um because it's like my favorite fidget tool. I'm I'm constantly using that. Um the thing about stemming is it's almost like our natural way of regulating. It's our natural way of calming ourselves down. When we have this pent up energy, when we have these confusing feelings that are just really overwhelming and it feels like there's no place for them to go, our body kind of like I feel like it it it it releases it in this way. And uh finding healthy, safe, and uh comfortable ways to stem can be really really really helpful. Um and and allowing yourself to do that in a safe space like at home. Um I I feel like I do kind of still mask my stems when going out. Um and that's kind of like my own internalized thing that I need to work through. But um definitely at home allowing myself to stem freely um is really helpful for me because in a way I feel like when I resist the stems um it just it makes me feel even worse because it needs a way to release and I'm not allowing it to release and so it just builds up even more building up even more overwhelm.

[00:14:27]The next thing on my list is number five and I had to do this yesterday. Uh, I needed alone time. Uh, Nikki's off from work for a little bit for the summer and uh, I love having her home, but it it takes or there isn't, what am I trying to say?

[00:14:45]When she's at work, there's like alone time already scheduled into my day. Uh, because obviously we're not together at the time. Uh, she's at work. I'm doing my thing, working at home. Um, and so intentionally scheduling in that alone time when I feel like I need it is so crucial for my neurode divergent brain.

[00:15:06]And uh, you know, in the past I used to feel guilty for wanting alone time. Um, but I realize now in our relationship it's one of the most sustainable things that we can do. And then also just for myself, it's one of the most sustainable things that I can do. Um, and I I don't know exactly what it is. I think that anytime there's any sort of social interaction, there's almost like an added energy, there's like an added pressure, there's like an added um almost like sensory input. And uh if if I don't get a break from that every now and then, um then it does become too much. And uh and there's there's nothing wrong with needing alone time. Um I I feel the most recharged after alone time. Uh, and so, you know, I haven't needed as much alone time. Uh, but, uh, I think over over the summer I'm going to try to be more intentional with like checking in with myself. Uh, what do I need in this moment? And then one more thing, too, is like parallel play. So, like last night, because I was kind of feeling overstimulated and I didn't really feel like having social interaction or talking, we just sat on the couch with our headphones in. I think she was like playing her her Switch and I was over on my phone with my headphones in. And even just that right there, just like being in each other's presence but not having that like obligation to talk or to interact um is like I guess like part of having alone time too. Um just to really really help help ourselves recharge as neurode divergent people. um and and and intentionally finding that time to schedule that in and then communicating that with those you live with or your partner or your roommates or or whatever it is. Just, hey, you know, feeling kind of overwhelmed today. I think I'm going to need some more alone time than usual.

[00:16:58]Um if you have something to say, maybe just text me or um I'll let you know when I'm ready to have conversations again. Um it it can be something as simple as that.

[00:17:11]Okay, number six on my list is time with my dogs.

[00:17:17]There's just something about like being in my dog's presence where they have so much love and happiness and just pure joy and presence in their eyes and just like the energy about them. Um, it always seems to kind of like bring me back. uh and and they are demanding of attention which I guess sometimes can be overwhelming. But again, other times it just kind of like takes me out of like whatever anxiety I have going on or just whatever thoughts I have going on in my brain and it brings me back into the present moment because they're like forcing me to be present. They're forcing me to put my phone down, to put things aside for a sec, to play with them. Um and then of course I I do enjoy when they're calm, too. And uh during those times we can cuddle. Tucker uh he's kind of like a weighted blanket cuz he's a little bit heavier and when he cuddles he puts like all his weight into you. Um so yeah, they're like they're like my own personal weighted plushies that also have personalities and that play and lick and sometimes bark, but I've got the noise cancelling headphones for that.

[00:18:25]Uh, number seven on my list, um, and this is kind of allowing some outside help in because we don't have to do this all on our own, and that's therapy. Um, therapy for me has been a really big tool and of course like working through like my OCD, my anxiety, all those things, but then also helping me uh develop tools to, I guess, like regulate myself. uh to bring more calmness and groundedness into my life. Um learning about like what my my triggers are, what over stimulates me, um what kind of feelings and emotions come up when these things happen. Um how to work through that. Uh learning to accept my needs. And I think the most the biggest thing that I've gained from therapy uh since my autism diagnosis specifically has been having more compassion for myself, being more open to even like utilizing my accommodations or honestly doing anything on this list to help myself calm down, understanding that it's okay. Like my brain just needs this sometimes. It's it's okay if I need to take a break. It's okay if I need some alone time. it's okay if I need to go allow myself to stem. Um, if I need to use these sensory accommodations um, and I think that's one of the biggest things that therapy has given me. And it's also helped remind me that like it's okay to ask for help. I don't need to do this all on my own. And then having that external support system that is specifically there for these needs can also be really helpful.

[00:20:04]Number eight on my list, uh this is a big one for me and that's my routine. Uh making sure that I have some sort of structure and routine in my dayto-day.

[00:20:15]And to be honest, this is something I've been struggling with also with Nikki being off from work because being self-employed, I have to create my own structure. And I relied a lot on her work structure to kind of like give me structure in my work because if she's working, I'll be working. um when she's off, I'd like to be off and spend time with her. Um and so while she's off from work right now, I'm learning I need to develop my own structure and my own routine. Um because having this like predictability, knowing what to expect.

[00:20:48]Uh it it helps I guess like reduce the amount of decisions I have to make. It helps me uh understand that I will have a day where I won't be as overstimulated because I already know what to expect. Um and uh I'm I'm definitely working on this. I'm trying to find ways to build structure. Um it's one of those things where like I need structure. I crave structure. I need predictability. I crave predictability.

[00:21:22]But then building those things into my life is is a whole another story. Um once I'm in it, I'm good. But like starting it back up and getting into it uh can definitely be kind of tough.

[00:21:37]Okay, we have two more on here.

[00:21:41]Number nine is allowing yourself to dive into your special interests. Um, a lot of us as autistic people, we have really intense interests and really intense passions. And these are things that like make our world go round. They're things that we absolutely love, things that we're super passionate about. Of course, like I shared at the beginning, for me that's the gym, that's weightlifting.

[00:22:03]Um, allowing myself to indulge in that, learn everything about it that I want to. Um, a lot of my past time I spend watching fitness videos and gym videos and and uh educational videos on those topics. Uh, this this allows me to recharge because it's something I enjoy doing. After doing something I enjoy doing, I feel just a little bit better.

[00:22:26]So, um, what is it that you really love doing? If you have any special interests, allow yourself to indulge in those and uh and and see how you feel after. Maybe you feel more upbeat, more alive, more excited. Um so that that's another thing. Um and number 10 on my list. Uh, and this might be like one of the biggest things, one of the biggest takeaways from this is pay just paying attention to your self-t talk and the the words that you're thinking about yourself and saying about yourself. Um, I kind of touched on this with the therapy thing, but like, you know, the truth is that like some things are going to be more difficult for us and some things are going to require more effort.

[00:23:16]um we're not going to be able to handle certain things. And uh I think maybe trying to interrupt that pattern where if you're noticing some frustration with yourself, maybe it is due to like sensory overload like this is so frustrating because why can't I just do this thing? Why can't I handle this?

[00:23:35]Kind of like trying to interrupt that pattern and break that pattern and and saying something like, okay, what what do I need right now?

[00:23:44]How can I support myself through this instead of like getting down on ourselves, trying to be solutionoriented and and trying to uh find like ways that we can better support ourselves through the thoughts that we're having about ourselves, through the words that we're speaking to ourselves. Um, and understanding that like it's okay to hold all these things at once. like yeah the frustration being frustrated that we can't do certain things and also okay how can I help myself through this I know it's not the end of the world is there something I can do right now to show some support to myself u so those are just kind of like the things that work for me that I put together on this list on different ways that I kind of help calm and regulate myself as an autistic person um I'd love if you have anything that works for you like I'm open to ideas. I'm sure those who are watching this video would love more ideas, too. So, let me know in the comments below. What are some things that help you personally calm down as an autistic