The Psychological Reason Women Reject 'Gentlemen'

Added: 2026-05-13

[00:00:00]So, imagine the following scenario.

[00:00:01]You're meeting a girl out and about, perhaps on a dating app. Any scenario that you can come up with. You hit it off well with her and you think, well, let me ask this gal out. Perhaps we could have a good time together. So, then you come up with a first date idea and you think, well, you know, first dates, they are supposed to go like this. Yeah. I pick her up for a first date. I take I drive her to a to a nice steakhouse. Yeah. I take out her coat the moment that she enters the place.

[00:00:32]Yeah. I take out her chair. Yeah. So that she can uh she can take a seat before I uh Yeah. She can take a seat before I do it. Yeah. Then I will hold her purse. Yeah. Throughout the uh Yeah.

[00:00:43]throughout that process like where while we are walking to the table. Yeah. Then I will tell her how much I'm into her.

[00:00:50]Then I will tell her that I'm always there for her. I will tell her that I am very good boyfriend material. that I'm very reliable, very responsible. Yeah.

[00:00:59]And that basically in short I am a gentleman.

[00:01:04]And then after the date to your surprise, you will end up getting ghosted, not getting any reply from her.

[00:01:12]Or she will tell you, I didn't feel any connection. And then you feel like you are you've gotten played because you did everything right. Yeah, you were a gentleman. Or perhaps you are going about dating the wrong way all along.

[00:01:27]And that's what we're going to talk about here today. Why being a gentleman and doing everything right and how you've been conditioned, how that's not helping you and how that is actually turning women off proactively.

[00:01:39]So with those behaviors, you're actually shooting yourself in the foot. So let's jump right into it. So why is it that being a gentleman, all of those behaviors that we just described, yeah, the uh the traditional playbook, Yeah.

[00:01:51]of running dates and uh treating her super well. Why is that not working?

[00:01:55]It's because number one, because you're just kissing her ass if we're honest about it. Or in in more in more decent language, you're just coming off super approval seeking when you do all of this stuff for her. Picking her up for a first date. Yeah. Uh driving her to an expensive steakhouse. Yeah. All of these investments. Investment investment in a woman. Yeah. that shows to her, yeah, this guy, he actually doesn't believe that he is that he is worthy of me.

[00:02:24]That's why he needs to compensate. And the way that he compensates is, yeah, with nice with an with a super fancy dinner, with all of this uh with all of these princess treatment for me. Yeah.

[00:02:35]So, she will instantly start to see you as low value the moment that you display all of these gentleman behaviors. She will think, "This guy doesn't get dates.

[00:02:43]This guy, he needs to compensate for something." And the way that he does it is with all of those Yeah. all of those gentleman behaviors. And this is exactly contrary to female psychology because women want to be with a guy that they have to win over. Yeah. That they need to invest in yet to get any investment back. But the moment that you show all of that, all of that princess treatment, all of those gentleman behaviors, all of that fantasy that women have, all of the way that they actually fall in love, all of that will fall apart because you show instantly all of those nice, all of those nice guy, those gentleman behaviors, you will get them from me for free. And that just comes off low status. It comes off approval seeking and it ultimately will turn her off. And that's why gentlemen very often they get ghosted. So that brings us to the next point which is you're giving her princess treatment because why would you give someone that you don't know princess treatment especially this even worse if if it's on a dating app because you do not even know you've never met this person and you already like going over to her place like picking her up taking her to an expensive steakhouse.

[00:03:50]Yeah. It just turns her off. It comes off super approval seeking because you have seen many stories throughout your lifetime. Yeah. of a girl that you knew or like situations out and about where the woman where the woman went for guys that did none of this stuff. They actually went for a guy that did the contrary. Yeah. They went for a guy that just, oh, you know, like I I'll let the woman win me over. I'm an attractive guy and I have options and she needs to prove to me that she is worthy of my time and my uh of my best behavior.

[00:04:21]Yeah. Especially that last part because all of those behaviors that you show in the beginning. Yeah. You can do them but only like months in. Yeah. Months in when you're dating a woman already for a very long while until then. Yeah. You keep your investment very low in the beginning because then you give her space to win you over and women want to win you over because women always want to date up. The way that women date up, they date a guy of higher status is when that guy shows that she is in the beginning, she's not all that that important to him. Yeah, she becomes important the moment that she proves it to him. So that's why you do not give her princess treatment in the beginning.

[00:04:58]Princess treatment is for women that know that you have dated for a very long time, that you're sleeping with, that you're hitting it off so well with.

[00:05:05]Yeah. That aren't moving in the direction or are already girlfriends.

[00:05:10]Yeah. And you do not give that away for free uh just because she has a cooter or just because she is pretty cuz otherwise you're going to shoot yourself in the foot. So let's go over to the next point which is that you're just like all the other guys when you're behaving like a gentleman because you're not doing anything special. You were not the first one in the world that came up with the idea, well you know let me go on a date with her. Let me uh pick her up for a first date. Let me uh drive her to an expensive steakhouse. Take her coat. be super nice to her, tell her how much I'm into her, uh that I'll be there for her and that I'm the right guy. Yeah, all of that stuff. You're not the first one.

[00:05:47]Yes, she has seen this movie literally a thousand times before. If you date enough women and eventually you will see what most guys are out there are doing or you will see uh you will see the inbox, yeah, of the most uh yeah of most women, her Instagram inbox, you will see Yeah. most guys they are doing this telling her, "Yeah, I will take you to a nice dinner. I will treat you super nice. is I will do anything for you woman. And is she responding to these guys? No, she isn't because everyone is doing it. And it's also Yeah. contrary to her her psychology. You know what's what what actually happens in reality is that that woman that has that has hundreds of guys in her inbox telling her that they that they're ready to treat her like a queen, kiss the floor that she walks on for the rest of uh for the rest of his existence. Yeah. In the meanwhile, she's chasing another guy.

[00:06:37]That same woman that doesn't reply to those kind of texts, she is also obsessed with a guy that behaves correctly, that behaves like an attractive guy, that lets her win him over, that is totally not in uh totally not impressed by her, that is just like, "Yeah, well, she might have uh 5,000 followers on Instagram or 10,000 or however what number you might come up with. She might be super pretty. Yeah, she might be uh she might have all the options in the world. She still needs to win me over. She is still only one of four billion women out there. And if she doesn't behave the way that I want to, if she doesn't behave up to my standards, then I can just walk away and meet someone else. And that's not going to be a problem for me. Yeah. That's the level of confidence that you want to have. So just you're just like all the other guys and that's why you do not want to do this. You want to stand out from the crowd. And the way that you do that, yeah, is being that guy that lets her win him over and that set high standards. Yeah. And that does not give her princess treatment for free just because she's pretty. So that brings us to the next one, which is this show scarcity. Because the reality is if you're constantly picking women up for first dates, yeah, you're spending all of that time on her. If you're constantly going on dinner dates, you show so so much investment in her up front. You cannot do that with every woman out there. You cannot do that if you're going on five dates per week. It shows that you're barely going on dates, if you're giving her all of this gentleman treatment. Because the reason that I say that picking women up for a first date is so unbelievably dumb is because your time is more valuable than hers. Because most of you are going to date women that make less money than you. Her time is less valuable than yours. Yeah. and she doesn't reply to your text, but believe me, she she doesn't have a a lot of interesting stuff going on in their lives. Yeah, most women, they do not have uh they might post on their Instagram all of these photos like them in like exotic locations and all of that. Yeah, their lives are not that interesting. For most of you watching this, yeah, guys that I work with, yeah, they have often they have their stuff together. They have great careers. Women naturally because they want to date up, they tend to date men that make more money than them. But you're stepping in your car going over her to to going over to her place. It just makes no sense. And that's why you do not pick women up for first dates because also why you're spending all of that time on her. Scarcity. That's what it is. Because you think, well, she's the only one that I've dated in a long time and she's the only one that gives me any kind of interest. So that's why I'm going to step in my car and to pick her up. It just shows very low status the moment that you do that. Because if you are a guy of high status, a guy that has abundance, yeah, you're getting all of these matches like coming in uh on your dating apps. You're getting uh you're meeting women out and about constantly. Yeah. You have your funnels working. Yeah. In that moment, you're not going to step in your car and just drive over to the other side of the other side of town just to pick someone up that you do not know. We'll just let women come to you because it makes the whole dating process for you easier. So, that's what you should do as well. Yeah.

[00:09:46]Stop showing all of that scarcity. And another thing is that the moment that you are showing her all of that investment. Yeah. On the dates. Yeah.

[00:09:53]You go on these $200 dinner dates. Yeah.

[00:09:56]You're taking her to a a fancy steakhouse, wine and dying her. Even if you have a really good career, yeah, it's still going to be a very big investment for you to constantly spend hundreds of dollars on dates. And that shows scarcity. That shows this guy is not going on many dates. And women want a man that other women want. And that they want a man that is in demand and they want a man that they have to win over and they want a man that they need to put in effort for. Yeah. That they need to invest in because otherwise they cannot they cannot they cannot like you, they cannot love you. They can never they will never want to have anything to do with you. And that's why in the beginning you keep your investment low and you show abundance. Yeah. That's why you let women come to you. Yeah. You just schedule dates near your place.

[00:10:36]Yeah. Or where it's convenient for you.

[00:10:38]You let women come to you. So that's what that's the way that you should do it from now on. And that brings us to the last one, which is that you get all of your dating advice from Disney. And the reason that this is a problem is because if this Disney advice, if it was truly working, if it was really picking women up and giving all of that princess treatment and all of this investment up front in someone that you do not know, if all of that was working, then everyone in our society would crush it in dating, isn't it? But that's not happening because the 95% of guys, they struggle in dating. Yeah. They get barely any dates. Yeah, most guys they sleep with maybe a handful of women in their entire lifetimes. Those are just shitty results and that's what most men they are getting. Yeah. You do not want to be part of that. Yeah. You need to listen to advice that is helping you to Yeah. to to get the results that you want. Yeah. And you cannot do that by listening to Disney advice. You can only do that by learning from guys that have the experience have funnels dialed in for you to meet the women that you want consistently. So don't listen to all of this Disney advice. Yeah. or or advice from uh or advice from other women or yeah female dating coaches, you're only going to shoot yourself in the foot because they're going to tell you uh be a nice guy. Yeah. Treat her well. Show her how much you care. Yeah. Show her that you're such a good boyfriend. Yeah.

[00:11:53]That you have so much potential. Show a lot of investments in the beginning. And that's not helping. Yeah. You know from your experience that at some point those really attractive women in your vicinity at some point those women they didn't go you thought whoa like she is a she is a super she's a cute she is a cute cute girl she has a lot of stuff going for her she's smart she's intelligent all of these nice things and then she dated a jerk that didn't uh that didn't invest in her well perhaps not a jerk because often what people call online being an and being a jerk just means well I have boundaries I have standards yeah And women need to live up to that. Yeah.

[00:12:30]Before I start investing in them. Yeah.

[00:12:32]Don't be a gentleman. Don't be Mr. Nice guy. Yeah. Don't be the guy showering her with attention and giving her princess treatment. Yeah. Be the guy that sets high standards. Yeah. That has strong boundaries. Yeah. That puts himself first. Yeah. That is very even egotistical in the beginning because those are the kind of guys that attractive women are going for. So that's it, gentlemen. So, if you listen to this and you realize that you've been losing in dating, you have been going about things the wrong way and that frustrates you because you're getting ghosted, dates are not leading anywhere, then I'm open to helping you. You can book a call with me with the link in the bio and then we can come up with a customized plan for you to get dating results that you want in the next few months. So, that's it guys. Peace.