This is a profound demonstration of psychological agency, using controlled stress to desensitize the mind before a life-altering physical trauma. It turns the agonizing wait for surgery into a strategic exercise in emotional resilience and self-mastery.
Deep Dive
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Deep Dive
4 Days before Heart SurgeryAdded:
It is currently Monday afternoon, which means we're about 4 days away from undergoing heart surgery. And to be completely transparent and honest, I am absolutely terrified.
I unfortunately have a really bad deeprooted PTSD towards surgery in general.
I was a part of a really bad malpractice situation as a kid that left me scarred physically and mentally. So, there's two sides of my brain at constant conflict this week. One side of my brain, the realistic side that's telling me these people are trained professionals. They know what they're doing. They got you.
You're going to go into surgery and come out the other side better than how you went in. But then there's the other side of my brain, the scared, scarred, trauma response, fight orflight side of my brain that's telling me, "What if? What if?"
Because that already happened to me before. And my brain pinpointed that feeling.
So, unfortunately, going into this week, my brain is hardwired into believing this might be our last week out here.
It sucks and it's sad and I hate it.
The part that sucks the most is that it's so deeprooted that there's no talking me out of feeling that way. So, I know it's going to be an emotional week. I'm prepared for it. I'm already spontaneously crying at pretty much every red light I stop at just out of pure terror leading up to this.
I'm just trying to document it all.
And this week we're going to get into some more bucket list type things. Live a little, get the blood pumping, adventurous, fun things with my wife and my baby.
Today though, I want to dedicate it towards doing some things that get the heart racing a little bit.
So, let's get into it. Before we get into anything though, today is Memorial Day, and I would like to take a second to salute all of the fallen soldiers and the United States military the best way I know how.
Little burnout never hurt nobody. I appreciate all you guys up there, man, keeping us all safe. All right, now on to the next thing. Of course, we're going to do some gambling. I just pulled up to the local casino and I'm going to put a hundred bucks on the table and try and double it up. I never encourage anybody to gamble, but if you just so happen to be in the same circumstance with some heart surgery at the end of the week, maybe we can make an exception. I do have a plan, though.
Okay, I'm going to walk in. I'm going to put a $100 down on one card poker, which is basically high card wins. And if you win, you double up. So if I walk out of these doors with 200 bucks, we're going to give it away. We're going to go buy somebody's groceries or buy somebody's food somewhere. We're going to turn this into good one way or the other. All right. I also got a really good deal on two car seats the other day. So technically, we're up 100 on boy math anyway. So let's go in here and raise the blood pressure a little bit because that's the truth. As soon as you put some chips down on this table, you start to feel things in here. And that's what we're looking for today. That's the whole premise of today. Get this thing moving. You're also not allowed to film in here at all. So, I'm going to have to be super sneaky. But I am bringing you guys along for the ride.
49.
>> Well, first part of the mission is complete. go in with 100, come out with 200. Now, I need a protein bar from Publix. So, I'm going to cruise over there, grab a protein bar, and hopefully sneak in and pay for somebody's groceries. That would be the the perfect scenario. Maybe stop at a fast food joint and sneak in front of somebody and pay for their food also. And then cruise on to the next thing. I'm fired up, dude. I put down a Hyundo and I got a Jack. That's fantastic. Considering in yesterday's video we got the worst of the bad omens because we were sitting in the truck and a crow smacked into the side of the truck. That's a bad omen. So if I went in here and lost my hundo, that'd be two bad omens and I'm definitely not going into surgery on Friday. But put some chips on the felt, passed it over, won a 100red bucks. Feeling positive, feeling good. Got my heart racing for sure. Got it racing because I did not want to lose that Honda. But I'm feeling good, dude. That's what I wanted out of today. I just wanted to feel it, brother. Going into this next part of the video, there are two sides to what's going on here. The first side is that I genuinely just love to help people and I love to make people's days better. And right now, me and my wife are in a really good spot. We're blessed thanks to you guys. So any opportunity I get to just give back a little bit, I want to take it. That's the first side. The second side is that this makes me so nervous. I don't know why. It makes me want to pass out, bro. It makes my heart race. I'm so introverted these days. So the thought of walking in there and sneaking up and and tapping my card on the thing, paying for somebody's groceries, makes me want to pass out.
Makes me want to throw up, bro. And that's what we're looking for today.
Getting our heart moving in our chest, and it's definitely doing that. We're like half a mile from Publix right now, and my heart is racing, dude. So, there's two sides. All right, but we're going to go in. We're going to stick to the script. We're going to stand on our own two feet. We're going to make it happen.
Dude, I'm I'm actually so nervous. I need to look in the mirror and give myself a pep talk. Also, you're just going to have to trust me that even if we lost the hundo at the casino, we were still going to move forward with this part of the mission. You're going to have to trust me. Okay, we have arrived.
I'm so nervous, bro. I'm so I'm so much more nervous than you should probably be in this situation, but that's what we're looking for. Also, instead of getting just a protein bar, I'm going to get a turkey wrap and a protein bar. Then we're going to get in line and pay for just whoever's in front of us. That's how it's going to go.
I'm nervous.
>> Yes. Could I please get a uh turkey wrap on a keto wrap, please?
>> Thank you so much, man.
I got the goods right now, but nobody's in line. There's nobody in line. What do I do? I did not anticipate nobody being in line. Dude, I'm so nervous, bro.
Dude, this is what I was looking for. I feel so alive right now.
I'm so nervous. I guess I can at least pay for mine first and then just sneak in on somebody if I have to do it as selfch checkckout. I guess that makes me so much more nervous.
Oh man. Oh man.
All paid for and good to go. Now I'm just scouting.
I'm just hunting, bro. Okay, there's nobody checking out right now, but on the aisle next to me, I saw a small family.
The wife is pregnant, but they're not done shopping yet. So, I think I'm just going to go give them a hundo.
a little bit off script, but it's kind of the same. Dude, I'm so nervous.
Okay, they're on the other aisle. I'm so nervous, bro. I think I'm just going to like walk up and hand them the hundo.
Hand the husband the hundo, honestly, cuz I think I'm just too nervous to say anything. I'm just going to just going to hand it to him.
Um, >> here's a hundo.
>> No, thank you.
>> Please. Please. I You don't want the hundo?
>> No.
>> Are you sure?
>> That I was so Just to explain, I was so nervous to do that. Me and my wife have a baby and a baby walking around and I'm trying to just like give somebody a hundred bucks for their groceries. But >> you sure, >> right? All good. Okay. to do that.
>> I I if you're sure, I'll good. All right.
Well, that's what I was scared of, dude.
As an introvert, that's exactly what I was scared of, dude. Dude, I'm going to throw up and pass out right now, dude.
Um, Yep, dude. I found somebody else.
Thank you, man.
>> I was so nervous to do that, but dude, have a good one, man.
>> Yes, sir.
>> We did it, bro. We did it. And he had a baby, dude.
Dude, my heart is racing, brother.
He was stoked. He was fired up, dude. Okay. And we're out.
dude.
All right, dude. I can't explain to you how nervous I am right now. I don't know, dude. The adrenaline rush. That would probably not mean much to somebody like doing it.
They their nerves would be pretty chill the whole time. But I actually feel like my numbers are off the chart right now, bro.
Ah, dude.
I'm probably beat red right now. It's crazy. I'm shaking with nerves right now, dude. That type of thing.
All right, let's go find a nice spot to eat our rap and then we'll move on to the next thing. To the credit of the first guy, it was probably weird. You know that it's probably weird having a dude walk up. I think he looked at my phone. It's I get it. Trust me, brother. I get it. I wasn't trying to Wasn't trying to do anything crazy. I was really just trying to give you a hundo, brother.
But all good. All good. All good. I'm so nervous still. I'm sure in a few minutes it'll wear off. I just sat in the truck and ate that wrap and it was absolutely fantastic. I'm nice and full now. I'm at the beach talking to my fish. This might be a random beach to most people, but underneath this cross right here, me and my wife buried our betetta fish. His name was Sushi. So, I'm just hanging out having a chat. It's honestly been too long, and that breaks my heart. So, in the area, figured I'd stop and just kind of slow down and have a little chitchat with our man Snoo and then we'll get on to the next thing.
Walking back to the truck now. To be honest, Snoo made me cry.
It's all good. All right, now we're going to hop in the truck, cruise to our next destination to get our heart racing in another way. Just pulled up to the hive at Jack's Beach. We're going to get our heart racing a different way. This time with exercise. We're on a mission right now to do 10 muscleups in a row before we roll into the operating room on Friday. Yesterday, we knocked out four in a row. I felt like I could maybe do one more, but unfortunately the camera fell over, so I had to hop down, go over, and pick it up. I got back up and did a few more during the rest of the workout, but it's not the same as doing five in a row. So, I came back today to try and conquer. I'm doing this for no other reason than to just prove something to myself. Just a small way to not let the disease win, if that makes sense. I want to feel as strong as possible cruising into the operating room on Friday. So, little things like this really help me sleep at night. So, let's hop up there and see if we can knock out five. Seriously, though, also, I just want to be able to look at my surgeon and say I did 10 muscle ups before I came in here. I I don't know why I want to do that so badly.
All right, dude. Let's kick the flops off. Like I said yesterday, it feels so primal out here with the sunshine beating down on our shoulders.
Okay, let's uh let's go for it, dude. I'm going to go for five. If it feels good, I'm going to keep going. But let's go for it, brother.
Come on, dude. Come on.
All right. I'm still a little sore from yesterday. Actually, I put some work in out here.
All right. My hands are sweaty still.
probably from giving that dude a hundo.
I was so nervous. All right, let's jump into it.
Dude, I I gave it all I had on that last one.
Push it a little hard.
Feeling a little lightheaded. I'm just trying to come back to reality. That last one, I put a lot of extra effort in there just because my hands were sweaty.
It made it a little harder.
All right, I'm back. I'm back.
I'm back.
I'm back.
Do a couple extra pull-ups.
Even yesterday, I did a much more thorough workout out here after I put the camera down.
I would assume that uh contributed to us doing five.
And I'm not making it up, bro.
Yesterday, the most I could do was four.
Today I I absolutely could not have done one more. So, tomorrow whenever we come back here, hopefully we can do six.
I don't want to waste too much time out here though, honestly.
I'm going to cruise back to the house, hang out with my wife and my baby.
That's what's most important this week, to be honest.
That was good though, dude. One small step closer to our goal.
Small improvements every day towards a bigger goal.
That's just another element to all of this that I don't understand. It doesn't click in my mind. Why can someone be so physically capable but also be dying?
It doesn't make sense at all. I've I've been trying to figure that out for a while now.
Um, it's almost like every single time I walk out the door in the morning, I'm testing myself to see if I'm still capable of certain things because I feel like the other shoe is going to drop at some point, but it hasn't yet. And that's honestly more confusing.
I don't get it. And trust me when I say I don't want to be one of those guys stuck in a hospital bed. That's not what I'm looking for. It's definitely not what I want, but it would make a lot more sense because right now I'm just confused. I don't know. I have so many questions. At least at the beginning of this journey, things made more sense. My heart was in such bad shape and I could feel it. I could barely walk to the bathroom without wheezing for air, constantly going in and out of consciousness, battling with low ejection fraction. But now, now I can run a half marathon. I can box 10 rounds. I can do muscle-ups. I can work out all afternoon.
But for some reason, my test results are worse. Things are worsening. We have to get you into surgery ASAP.
We have to try and save your life. What do you mean?
I was just out there doing muscle-ups.
What do you mean? I don't get it.
So that's that. Regardless though, dude, today was a positive day and I want to keep it at that. It's going to be a fun week.
Surgery on Friday and everything's going to be all good.
That's it.
All positive vibes. And then next week we'll be back hanging out at the beach.
Yes. Seriously though, guys, I can't thank you enough for being here on this journey, tagging along through the ups and the downs. This week is just going to be an emotional roller coaster. I'm sure of it. I'm prepared for it. And I just can't thank you guys enough for being here. It really is the difference talking to you guys. All of the positivity, it wouldn't be the same without you guys. I can't say that enough. Thank you so much.
And like I said, throughout the week, we're going to be getting into some more bucket list type things.
Just have as much fun as possible because you never know. So, I appreciate you guys for being here, man.
I'll see you in the next one. Peace.
There is a part of me that is somewhat excited for this week because it's not every day you get a good dose of mortality.
It makes you slow down a little bit and love a little bit harder. So that's why for the next four or five hours, I'm going to be cuddled up with my wife and my baby, soaking up all the love. That's another thing that I want to leave with you guys. I say it all the time, but just in case you haven't heard it, um, life can get weird at any moment.
Any moment. So, if you catch yourself taking something for granted, put yourself in check, brother, because seriously, things can go south fast.
I love you guys. I'll see you tomorrow.
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