Addressing our BTS Cease and Desist Allegations

追加: 2026-05-05

[00:00:00]What are you doing? Why did you bring that? What? Why?

[00:00:04]>> Yes.

[00:00:05]>> Oh, I'm sorry. Are we What's wrong? I've got a grip strengthener.

[00:00:08]>> We are recording. Dan has a gripped strength training thing. He's bringing it wherever he goes. Now, why are we strengthening our grip today, Daniel?

[00:00:15]>> Because it's like a gym thing. I can't hold things up because of my weak forearms. So, I'm training my grip.

[00:00:22]>> Yeah, but what are you really training your grip for? Like me?

[00:00:25]>> Why do you have a problem with everything? Are you just mad cuz you're not doing it? No, I just want to know what it's for. Like, are you training for me falling off a cliff and you got to like catch me? That'd be cute.

[00:00:34]>> Yeah, I'm secretly You got me. I'm training for that scenario.

[00:00:37]>> Opening jars for old ladies.

[00:00:40]>> I'm insecure in my manlyhood. I want to be able to open cans like a true trad alpha.

[00:00:46]>> Twist them off.

[00:00:47]>> Yeah.

[00:00:47]>> Or is it for, >> you know?

[00:00:51]>> Is it foring what, Phil?

[00:00:53]>> What do you mean? You know, >> did you even finish that thought in your head? Yes. I'm strengthening the grip of my hand. So what, Phil?

[00:01:00]>> I can explode with my palm.

[00:01:03]>> No.

[00:01:04]>> What are you saying?

[00:01:05]>> I mean, wait.

[00:01:06]>> Also, Phil, this is the Dan and Phil relationship hard launch podcast. What are you saying?

[00:01:13]>> Not mine. I don't want you to explode, Mike.

[00:01:16]>> Well, then don't just say things. Don't literally just say things.

[00:01:22]>> Fine.

[00:01:22]>> But you I don't want this anymore now.

[00:01:24]I'm going to keep my wrist limp.

[00:01:26]>> Mine's going to be strong. Wait, it's hard >> until it's exploded and then it's soft forever.

[00:01:40]>> Well, speaking of, it's already been a hard Monday for Dan and Phil.

[00:01:44]>> Speaking of what? What are you talking about?

[00:01:47]>> That you looked at on the Stop saying it.

[00:01:49]>> Sorry. On the tube.

[00:01:50]>> Penis. Oh yeah, I thought I'd like some hashtag fan art.

[00:01:54]>> We are trying to appreciate the community of talented artists that we have out there in the Danfil universe.

[00:01:59]>> Yeah, I was on a very packed tube >> public people >> and the first thing in the fan art tab >> bad algorithm Paul >> a very naked >> slash blessed algorithm Paul >> Dan and Phil bunny art >> our baking inspired some immaculate illustration like talent.

[00:02:18]>> My bunny busy was out. We must say >> um yeah, this is uncensored only on Patreon. So, they're eating glazed bunny buns right now. The rest of you, you can really just see from the amount of beige on the screen or for the listeners exactly what you're imagining. Yes, Phil is straddling me and we're both only wearing bunny ears.

[00:02:38]>> And I have been doing squats in this universe.

[00:02:40]>> So, thanks to BB Star Bunny for your time and talent as an artist. Today's draw Dan and Phil naked is >> No. Okay, >> moving on.

[00:02:51]>> Hi, I'm Dan.

[00:02:52]>> I'm Phil.

[00:02:53]>> And I'm Davis.

[00:02:54]>> We're not doing that anymore.

[00:02:56]>> Just I just want >> Get Davis off the soundboard.

[00:02:59]>> No.

[00:03:01]>> So, big news. We weren't sued by BTS >> or BTS's management company, Hib. Did you see that? How terminally online are you? Basically, we had a Tik Tok where we talked about a BTS gay massage parlor, and Tik Tok did not like this cuz they don't want us talking about naked men rubbing each other down. And so, it flopped. And we thought, "Oh my god, it's going to kill our algorithm."

[00:03:23]So, we deleted it.

[00:03:25]>> We did.

[00:03:26]>> And then people thought, "Oh my god, Danfield deleted their BTS related Tik Tok. It must be a cease and desist from the management company."

[00:03:34]>> Imagine that. Stop bismerching their name by talking about the unlicensed unofficial gay massage parlor.

[00:03:41]>> I think it wasn't bismerching their name. I think it was smurchching it hard. I >> Yeah, I think that it's showing that they are inspiring people around the world to do themed off-brand massage parlor.

[00:03:50]>> I wanted to listen to BTS after seeing that massage.

[00:03:53]>> You wanted the viral 14hand BTS gay massage >> and more. Tik Tok is so weird. They keep restricting us for everything >> because we are pure Phil. This is a disgusting disgusting podcast. They even showed our mannequin's ass and they thought it was a real person that showed that >> they did. They were like, "You've got a male mannequin in your studio." Wow.

[00:04:09]This is just a porn account. Is are you Oh, he's standing up. Okay, he's getting it.

[00:04:14]>> Well, I guess this isn't going to be a clip going out on socials, is it?

[00:04:18]>> Tik Tok saw this and were like, "You're banned for a week. No posting. Naughty Dan and Phil."

[00:04:21]>> How is this a real person?

[00:04:23]>> Stop smutting. Really?

[00:04:24]>> Go past this in Matalan.

[00:04:27]>> Ow. L Jesus. That serves me right.

[00:04:30]>> Cheeks of stone. This guy, he's made out of stone.

[00:04:33]>> It's plastic. It's very cheap.

[00:04:35]>> Oh, so we're being extra careful. If you see us removing things, it's cuz Tik Tok hates us.

[00:04:40]>> Thank you, Producer Amelia, for removing the naked male torso.

[00:04:43]>> Thank you. We can't talk about being gay.

[00:04:47]I'll >> you know, everything that Dan and Phil are about on a day-to-day basis.

[00:04:54]>> That's our bio. So, thanks for supporting us here on one of the marginally less moderated platforms.

[00:05:01]>> Yes.

[00:05:01]>> And if you're wondering why we seem so excited to be in each other's company, it's because we spent half of the week apart last week.

[00:05:07]>> Did they say >> favor? What?

[00:05:10]>> Absence made the heart grow fonder.

[00:05:13]>> Um, so I went skiing and I didn't die.

[00:05:18]>> Well done. I'm very proud of you. Like most people die.

[00:05:20]>> 5050. So many people, >> they say 75% of people that go skiing die.

[00:05:25]>> That is a stat. And you know what my secret was? I accepted that I am [ __ ] and I didn't try to look cool or impressive.

[00:05:34]>> No, I'm proud of you. I did say before he left, Dan, >> you're proud of me for being [ __ ] >> Yes, cuz I said you're not allowed to show off in front of your friends.

[00:05:40]>> [ __ ] Richishy Sunnak. Do you know what he said? I was trying to show off in front of my kids and then I had a skiing accident.

[00:05:45]>> Don't do it.

[00:05:46]>> You're never going to impress anyone.

[00:05:47]Off. I got a text from Dan that said, "This is so hard.

[00:05:52]>> You would hate this."

[00:05:53]>> It was in the middle of some [ __ ] ass hill and my legs were hurting and I was like, "Why is this exercise?" I will say, trying to learn to do something as an adult Yeah.

[00:06:03]>> is very upsetting. You are constantly being flexed on by tiny tiny children who are just going wee down this hill and I'm just going, "Why do my knees work?" H. And yeah, >> they're just slaloming around you, huffing and wheezing.

[00:06:19]>> There's a brief period where you're going, "Oh, sliding down the hill might be fun." And there's just a lot of fear.

[00:06:27]There's a lot of death. There's cliffs.

[00:06:29]There's trees. There's other people. I'm not trying to Gwyneth Paltro out on the thing. Like, don't sue Dan from Dan and Phil.

[00:06:34]>> Do you know what I'd like? Do you know people do tandem skydives? I just want to ride on the back of a hunky man and he skis for me and I enjoy the thrill of the wind in my hair. Love that you're like, "This isn't you, Dan. It's like a hunky man that can ski that isn't Dan.

[00:06:47]>> I don't want to be on you >> because he's not hunky and or able to ski."

[00:06:50]>> It's not that you're not hunky. You just said you're not that good at skiing. I want him to sl >> You said what you said and we will never recover from this.

[00:06:56]>> You've been watching too many of those Chinese Tik Tok motorbike videos and now you just want to hold on to a hunky guy.

[00:07:02]>> I want to hold on to those in Japan. Why don't we go to China? I I know what you're doing. You want to You want one of those bike videos?

[00:07:08]>> I really want one. Can we go to China?

[00:07:10]>> We've all seen what's on your TikTok algorithm. No, but for real, is that not a gap in the market? Piggyback skiing situations limited.

[00:07:21]>> Yeah, Phil, that's your Dragon's Den Shark Tank moment. I wish you all the best.

[00:07:24]>> I will say I missed you.

[00:07:26]>> Did you?

[00:07:27]>> There were moments of touch >> where I was like, for the Spotify people, he was just doing a little finger.

[00:07:36]>> He squeezed me until it's so scary.

[00:07:39]>> Dan gripped as hard as he could. I shouldn't do that. Sorry, I just gripped the chair and the chair's about to >> Oh, pop.

[00:07:44]>> She's going to pop.

[00:07:48]>> I did think though, whilst Phil adds whimsy to every situation, this moment of fun, why isn't Phil's energy here? I just think you woulding die.

[00:07:59]>> Oh, >> it's like I tried really hard to not get injured for a couple of days. I just don't think you could do it. You got to have split-second decisions like, oh, look, there's Gwyneth Paltro. No. Oh, look at no. Oh, look a cliff. No.

[00:08:12]>> Yeah, I don't have that kind of thought.

[00:08:14]>> You got to go left or right. Oh, no, the cliff. Oh, no. Getting onto a chairlift is one of the most up things in the entire world. I feel like it is life or death every single time. Firstly, turn styles.

[00:08:28]>> What?

[00:08:28]>> Trying to walk into an Asda. What the [ __ ] spooky things you're walking into it, it's spinning. You got limbs.

[00:08:33]You got your bags. You got to ski into a turn style. You've then got to ski slightly downhill into a little block of wood which is keeping your legs back.

[00:08:41]No.

[00:08:41]>> And then it automatically opens and you got to ski into a lane. If you touch another person they're going to die and get mowled by a machine.

[00:08:48]>> Oh my god.

[00:08:48]>> And then you got to like hold your PS and sit down at the right time otherwise you'll get mowled by a machine and pushed off a cliff. And I honestly 70% of the time thought I was going to die and almost stabbed myself in the eye with a pole. And I just thought, >> did you say you got to hold your balls?

[00:09:05]>> Poles?

[00:09:06]>> Oh, I was so confused. You got to hold your balls.

[00:09:12]>> I was listening to that whole thing like, where's the balls coming in?

[00:09:15]>> You got to tuck them in.

[00:09:16]>> Ski poles from, >> right?

[00:09:18]>> Gripping the ski poles.

[00:09:19]>> Hold your balls. Your poles.

[00:09:21]>> I just You have the mind of someone who is meant to be a podcaster, not a skier.

[00:09:27]I can't rub myself and tap myself at the same time.

[00:09:30]>> And that should really be the litmus test for that and also driving and several other things. Maybe cooking.

[00:09:35]>> When I was driving and doing driving lessons, I just forgot I was driving. I think that was the issue. I just drifted off in my mind.

[00:09:40]>> I started thinking.

[00:09:41]>> Yeah.

[00:09:41]>> And you on a roundabout.

[00:09:42]>> I would forget entire streets. I didn't even witness them in my brain.

[00:09:45]>> Oh, that's the thing though. People are driving and you don't really realize you're doing it cuz you're in a flow state. I don't think you're in a flow state, though. I think you were just in in a no state.

[00:09:52]>> Is there anything I'd like about it?

[00:09:54]Could I sit in a chalet surrounded by other skiers?

[00:09:58]>> Oh my god, he's a ski basic [ __ ] Just >> sipping my alcohol for the scene. You just want to get day drunk at 4 in the afternoon, don't you?

[00:10:06]>> Do you pro skiers judge those guys sat in the chalet not playing?

[00:10:10]>> No, I'm just like crying in a bubble bath trying to nurse my anking joints.

[00:10:13]>> Also, are you hot or cold or both?

[00:10:16]>> So, this is the thing. Both.

[00:10:18]>> You're like so uncomfortable because rain is hitting you in the face. It's raining in this ski slope.

[00:10:24]>> Yeah.

[00:10:25]>> And sweating at the same time. Yeah. So, imagine being sweaty and cold.

[00:10:30]>> That's horrible.

[00:10:31]>> Also, people kept trying to talk to me in German.

[00:10:32]>> What's wrong with Germans?

[00:10:36]>> Ew. People kept trying to talk to me in German. We were in Austria. That makes Yeah. Okay. And obviously they probably assumed that I could. And it just really scared me every time cuz my year nine German. I don't know what to do. Like, what am I going to do?

[00:10:48]>> You just sing that song.

[00:10:50]>> I'm gerat. Yes, damilar.

[00:10:55]>> Just sing that to them.

[00:10:57]>> I'm surprised you've not remembered all your German.

[00:11:02]>> Is that just saying three guinea pigs or something? Not really helpful.

[00:11:07]>> And I know there's colors of different slopes. What color is your slope?

[00:11:10]>> I accidentally went on a black run.

[00:11:13]>> No, I said don't do that. You lie.

[00:11:16]>> Okay. 11. What the >> Friends don't lie.

[00:11:23]I did sound like 11 though.

[00:11:25]>> You lied.

[00:11:27]>> Remember Stranger Things?

[00:11:28]>> Remember Stranger Things? What was that about?

[00:11:31]>> I know. Why did you go against my wishes?

[00:11:33]>> I don't. It's complicated. You're trying to read a map and you're like, I'm just going to get on this moving peg and then you're like stuck up a mountain like you're going to die. I want you to do it and I missed you but it's just never happening.

[00:11:44]>> So you see a sign that says death slope and you're like okay.

[00:11:47]>> Yeah. Basically. Um, and also all the food in the Alps is cheese. It's just cheese reclet fondue.

[00:11:53]>> Filophobic.

[00:11:53]>> Do you know what it is, Phil?

[00:11:54]>> No. It sounds horrible.

[00:11:55]>> It's a scam is what it is. I side eye.

[00:11:58]And I will be honest, they are delicious places where the gimmick is you cook your own food because they just give you a bunch of raw ingredients and then they're like hot pot, barbecue, fondue.

[00:12:07]>> So, what's the rlet?

[00:12:08]>> It's stone age fondue film. We're not ready for this. They literally just give you a massive block of cheese. Tom and Jerry ass giant triangle.

[00:12:18]>> Stop it.

[00:12:18]>> And then they give you two heat lamps and a bowl, like a trough under the cheese and then a bunch of raw vegetables and potatoes and you're literally just supposed to watch the cheese melt into a bowl and then just slop it up with a spoon with a raw potato.

[00:12:34]>> As a cheese hater, this sounds like a saw trap to me.

[00:12:37]>> You have to just literally enjoy this dinner. Phil's like, "No, I'm going to go for the eye stabbing option.

[00:12:42]>> Just remove my eyes, Jigsaw. It's fine."

[00:12:44]One of the most philophobic things I've ever seen.

[00:12:49]>> Banger.

[00:12:50]>> Do you know what wasn't? Accidentally went to an EDM festival.

[00:12:53]>> How do you accidentally go to an EDM festival?

[00:12:57]>> I didn't know this, but there was literally just some EDM thing happening in the middle of the mountain. And I was like, I'm going to check it out cuz I'm a man of culture.

[00:13:05]>> Was that your first EDM experience?

[00:13:08]>> Yeah. And this is interesting. Ooh, how do I talk about this? I love electronic music. Yeah.

[00:13:14]>> When I think of electronic music, I think of Justice >> and Da Punk.

[00:13:19]>> Yeah.

[00:13:19]>> Arca Nina Gerra.

[00:13:21]>> What was this?

[00:13:22]>> A couple of the DJs that were there, the music was a bit like a Yamaha keyboard demo.

[00:13:27]>> I like those keyboards from school.

[00:13:29]>> You're so right. Those have charm and whimsy. These lacked that.

[00:13:33]>> Did they?

[00:13:33]>> Yeah. And then a guy came on. You'll love this. Timmy trumpet.

[00:13:37]>> Timmy trumpet.

[00:13:38]>> He's got a hat and he's Australian. Had a [ __ ] trumpet.

[00:13:41]>> I love that. Did he save the day?

[00:13:43]>> He stood on tables.

[00:13:44]>> Amazing.

[00:13:45]>> He pretended to swig from his sponsored vodka.

[00:13:47]>> Did he let you blow his trumpet?

[00:13:48]>> He played a trumpet and then threw an inflatable trumpet into the crowd.

[00:13:52]>> This is what we're talking about.

[00:13:53]>> And I was like, "Thank you." Yes, we are letting music play and you are doing things that show me that you are awake and interested.

[00:14:03]>> That's fun.

[00:14:04]>> Yeah. We need to talk about the visuals though.

[00:14:05]>> What were you seeing?

[00:14:06]>> Every single DJ lovely artist. I just had like a giant lady going with a face and I'm like back up.

[00:14:15]>> What's going on there?

[00:14:16]>> I feel like depending on what you might have taken. A bit scary really seeing a giant alien hand come down.

[00:14:21]>> I think that would freak me out slightly if I was on a drug >> like here Phil.

[00:14:25]>> Oh yeah. What's this Shrek?

[00:14:27]>> This is some good. This is what I wanted.

[00:14:30]>> YEAH.

[00:14:31]>> OH NO.

[00:14:32]>> He's a demon 3D. Now that's really scary. He jumped through the letter box and now he's vomiting on people and it's just Yeah. Like the vibes are >> Shrek.

[00:14:40]>> I mean, I'd have been a bit uh >> an exorcism.

[00:14:42]>> Yeah, >> that would have made me feel all kinds of things. Woof. What would your DJ visuals be, Phil?

[00:14:48]>> The Mins.

[00:14:49]>> Oh, up. Yeah. Yeah. Like color inverted.

[00:14:52]>> No. Nice movements.

[00:14:53]>> Just full episodes and the Mins playing in the background.

[00:14:56]>> And what would the sounds be?

[00:14:58]>> Whistles.

[00:14:59]>> That soundsing crazy. I think I'd love to go to that.

[00:15:02]>> Well, speaking of concerts, thank you to SeatGeek for sponsoring the podcast. The whole thing was planned. You made that seem so >> sneaky.

[00:15:10]>> Do you want to go to a concert this summer?

[00:15:12]>> Well, been eyeing up some tickets. We can sort you out last.

[00:15:16]>> It's the number one rated ticket again.

[00:15:19]>> You want to see EDM, NFL, BBL, >> BTS?

[00:15:23]>> BTS. They're not suing us, but they are on tour right now.

[00:15:28]>> Grab a seat.

[00:15:28]>> But Phil, what seat should I grab?

[00:15:30]>> Well, listen, Buster. You can rank them from 1 to 10 in the red to green system.

[00:15:35]You know it's a good seat, a midseat, a bad >> green one. Yeah, >> I don't want that red 10.

[00:15:39]>> You want to be next to Yungie's face.

[00:15:41]>> That's a green one ticket right there.

[00:15:43]Hell yeah. Concert season is about to kick off. And if you want to make it better, use code Dan and Phil 10 for 10% off your SeatGeek tickets.

[00:15:51]>> That's 10% off tickets with promo code Dan and Phil 10. Make sure to click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thanks, SeatGeek.

[00:16:05]So, that was Dan's Midweek Mountain Adventure. Didn't die. Meanwhile, I made a new friend in the house. A single ant has been following me around.

[00:16:13]>> When Phil tells me what's happening in my absence, I do get scared for him.

[00:16:17]>> But since you've come back and emotally met the ant, it's not a group of ants.

[00:16:20]It's definitely one ant. And I've put him outside three times and he just comes back in and he wants to go on my feet.

[00:16:25]>> So you can see when Phil texted me this, I was like, "You need to go visit your family now. No more time inside by yourself. I'm scared." But then yesterday, >> you were sat minding your business watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills >> and a single ant crawled up your foot.

[00:16:40]>> It's just that one ant. It really likes my feet, isn't it?

[00:16:43]>> Now, I have been in places where you've had ants in your house, but we don't have ants in our house. There's ant.

[00:16:49]>> Just ant. It's called ant.

[00:16:52]Where's Deck?

[00:16:53]>> If you've named him, I think it is time to leave and speak to some other people though. You can't start uh applying personalities to the ants.

[00:17:01]>> Could I put a little dot of tipex on his back just to check it is the same ant like a sheep?

[00:17:06]>> You can, but I don't know. Yes, sure.

[00:17:08]>> Just so we know. Otherwise, it might be loads of ants that are visiting my feet.

[00:17:12]>> But then what if it comes back and everyone's like, "Girl, you looking great. Where can we get that?" And then suddenly the whole colony is there looking to get dipped.

[00:17:19]>> I'm going to get swarmed. Anyway, Dan said I had to leave, so I went to see my family.

[00:17:23]>> Thank God. Yes. And how was that?

[00:17:25]>> Went to the airport. I had a flap without you, Dan. I forgot like having you all organized with stuff to do with airports. I >> We as a community of podcast listeners hearken >> hark back to merely a few weeks ago WHERE PHIL WAS COMPLAINING about um what it's like being in an airport with me because I'm talking to him in the queue.

[00:17:43]And now he's saying that without me there to guide him in a organized and confident manner through the airport, he had a flap. I miss that part of you. I don't miss where you're asking me about the Smurfs while I'm about to check in and then I think I got a bomb.

[00:17:56]>> Okay.

[00:17:56]>> Um I went to the Louis Vuitton cafe. I felt like such a classy [ __ ] >> Terminal 2. Firstly, who the is buying all these designer clothing and airport?

[00:18:09]Have you ever seen a single person?

[00:18:12]>> Do they just wait for one millionaire to come in and be like, I'll get the £20,000 bag. And they're like, "Thank [ __ ] that pays for our three employees that stand there all day doing nothing and rent for the next 6 months."

[00:18:21]>> I treated myself >> to a fancy cafe.

[00:18:24]>> Louis Vuitton in terminal to Heathrow decided to build a tiny cafe for no reason next to their bag shop. And I think Phil's the first person to ever go in it.

[00:18:31]>> Well, it's very expensive. I had the fanciest avocado toast of my life.

[00:18:35]>> Look at it. It's monogrammed.

[00:18:37]>> I was set up. I had my Safy Guard on the iPad.

[00:18:40]>> You know how to aloe vera vanilla juice.

[00:18:43]Oh, that sounds a bit weird.

[00:18:46]>> I felt very >> You were living your best life.

[00:18:48]>> Sophisticated.

[00:18:49]>> You recovered from the ant.

[00:18:50]>> Empty cafe. They sat someone right next to me.

[00:18:53]>> Why would they do that? It's so weird.

[00:18:55]It's like for us trying to serve customers, it's easier the more bunched up you are. I don't want this date to be next to me. I've got my iPad and my toast and I'm trying to just have a private moment here.

[00:19:06]>> To listen to Linda and Jeff's marriage problems.

[00:19:08]>> Oh, just get divorced somewhere else.

[00:19:09]>> I know. Away. AB. I'm with you. So, that took away some of my bougie atmosphere, >> but you made it.

[00:19:15]>> I made it.

[00:19:16]>> How was the family vibe? Did you regress?

[00:19:18]>> Their favorite activity is going for walks.

[00:19:22]>> I'm so sorry.

[00:19:22]>> And I think about 35 minutes is my prime walking time and then I'm done.

[00:19:28]>> Done.

[00:19:28]>> Yeah. When people say, "Let's go for a walk," you really need to clarify what their idea of a walk is.

[00:19:34]>> If we're going over an hour, that's a hike.

[00:19:36]>> If we're going over 2 hours, that's a marathon. That's a near-death story that you might not recover from.

[00:19:42]>> I'm not down for that.

[00:19:42]>> But if someone said, "Do you want to come on a hike?" implying a 1 hour plus walk, you would say no. So if someone says, "I'm going for a walk," you're thinking 20 to 38 minutes.

[00:19:52]>> 20 minutes, have a picnic, 20 minutes.

[00:19:54]Perfect ratio.

[00:19:56]>> Yeah, I respect that. There's logic to that.

[00:19:57]>> Also, I feel like I've become more northern just because I've been around northerners again.

[00:20:01]>> When you go back, you start to talk like you're back in the north.

[00:20:05]>> Hello, Dan.

[00:20:05]>> Hello.

[00:20:06]>> Welcome back from the slopes.

[00:20:09]Did you see any snur?

[00:20:11]>> Um, growth moment.

[00:20:13]>> You learned to shut the [ __ ] up.

[00:20:16]>> Sorry.

[00:20:18]>> How did you grow, Phil? What did you experience that made you grow?

[00:20:21]>> I grew. Normally, I'm a cone guy. Yeah, I tried getting a tub.

[00:20:28]>> You're talking about ice cream. Okay.

[00:20:30]Right. I just like, what is a cone guy?

[00:20:32]What is this kink? I'm so scared.

[00:20:34]>> Went to the gelato place. I was like, I always get sticky hands from a cone.

[00:20:39]>> Yes, you make a goddamn mess. I've seen it. It's quite upsetting to be around actually.

[00:20:42]>> I didn't get the soft serve whippy. I went for the gelato and I got a tub. I was like, >> how mature of you going for the galato?

[00:20:48]>> Sophisticated Simon over here.

[00:20:50]>> Get a tub.

[00:20:51]>> It was worse.

[00:20:52]>> Ooh, that is a brave taste.

[00:20:54]>> I missed the cone.

[00:20:55]>> You're Oh, really? Why? Cones are whimsical and I'll always go for one because I want to feel like I'm always a cone at heart. But then unless it's cornettoone and it has chocolate at the bottom, I get halfway through a cone and I'm like, "Wow, now that I've eaten the ice cream, I'm just nashing on this absolutely ass tasting cardboard triangle >> like a beaver."

[00:21:13]>> You enjoying the ice cream, not the crappy cone >> and it drips all over your hand.

[00:21:18]>> The drips.

[00:21:19]>> But I think the combo of cone and ice cream still better. So that was my experiment.

[00:21:25]>> Okay, I'm glad >> that was not interesting at all.

[00:21:27]>> No, Phil, you are living your best life.

[00:21:30]Here I am. Seeing Timmy Trump and the slopes and you are think about cones.

[00:21:36]>> What's wrong?

[00:21:37]>> No, I can vouch for visiting Phil's family out of the city is a fun experience. I spent Christmas with them.

[00:21:44]It is nice going for a 20 to 40minute walk.

[00:21:46]>> My biggest bug bet is they've got dialup internet still.

[00:21:49]>> I will not go back to Phil's family's house until they have sorted the entire I don't have the place to say this. I can't.

[00:21:55]>> They're just like, "Oh, it's just so much effort to change. Maybe next year."

[00:21:59]Well, it's one email.

[00:22:00]>> You literally >> you just click a button >> cannot open Instagram in Phil's parents house.

[00:22:05]>> It's really bad.

[00:22:06]>> It just doesn't load.

[00:22:08]>> Thankfully, I can tether to my phone.

[00:22:09]>> I tried to text Phil and it just like it goes and then the bar stops.

[00:22:12]>> They start to listen to the modem noise when they open the internet.

[00:22:15]>> And I said, "Phil, you need to do something because I don't actually think I could survive returning with that."

[00:22:24]>> I've given them the ultimatum. I said, "Dan doesn't want anything to do with you." And they said, "Well, now he's banned."

[00:22:33]>> So that's it.

[00:22:33]>> Yeah, you're banned.

[00:22:34]>> You didn't say that, did you? Did you Did you convince them to upgrade, though?

[00:22:37]>> I said, "If it's not there by Christmas, there's going to be harsh words."

[00:22:42]>> And Dan will say the words.

[00:22:44]>> Speaking of words, here's the thing.

[00:22:52]Bland [ __ ] rejoice. Forget Ros. If you're sad like Dan, get gray wine.

[00:22:58]>> Right. So, this is calm down. It's rosé, but they made it with red grapes where they try to not touch the skin, which causes the masseration, which causes the color. Okay.

[00:23:09]>> And it's supposed to taste like crisp and cleaner.

[00:23:12]>> And it's cheaper like Dan.

[00:23:15]>> Okay.

[00:23:16]>> Oh, what? I thought it'd be like metallic gray. It's just clear.

[00:23:20]>> This is boring.

[00:23:21]>> It's gray wine. Somerville in your memo.

[00:23:24]>> Gray wine. Yeah. Are you tired of having fun being a rosé girl? Well, don't worry. If you need attention like me, you can just identify someone that drinks great wine now.

[00:23:32]>> Okay. Welcome to my house. Have a glass of grind. Sausage snatcher. A red kite in southern England has been pictured double fisting sausage rolls.

[00:23:42]>> Local inhabitant John Oxenhham believes that they were taken from his mother-in-law because, quote, "She makes them in a particular fashion. They're slightly pale." M >> m loves your gray sausage pastry. He is taking them to drop them into the fires of Mordor, I think, because of how [ __ ] horrible those sausage rolls look.

[00:24:02]>> That eagle, >> they look uncooked.

[00:24:04]>> That eagle is recycling.

[00:24:05]>> Is looking at them like, >> I don't want this. I prefer something dead on the side of the motorway.

[00:24:10]>> His eagle babies are going to die if they eat that.

[00:24:13]>> Why are there so many photos of this eagle?

[00:24:15]>> Someone got out the telescopic lens and WAS LIKE, IT'S MY SHOT OF THE LIFETIME.

[00:24:19]I'M GOING TO BE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC WITH this one. Scenes we've never seen. It's like a hippo eating a lion. It's like a mere cat gang bang. And now I've got the rare double sausage roll English kite.

[00:24:30]That could be >> Okay. Mark Hopkins. It was in focus. You did it. It could be Greg's logo. Let's mix it up.

[00:24:38]>> Hawks choose vegan sausage rolls.

[00:24:41]>> Nine out of 10 times.

[00:24:42]>> You better believe it.

[00:24:44]>> Not a gay hor story. A California insurance scam saying luxury cars were attacked by bears were foiled when it was revealed it was obviously a man in a bear suit. How [ __ ] stupid are some people? I'm not trying to be rude to the uh people that got arrested for this.

[00:24:59]>> I mean, you just called theming stupid.

[00:25:01]It is so obviously just a person in a bear suit and they got these claws that are just completely straight comb things. And the inside of this Rolls-Royce just A BUNCH OF LIKE perfectly straight raked lines. Like, ah, yeah. The police and the insurance company who you're trying to get like $150,000 out of are going to go, "Yep, real bear. Real bear broke into the car and just really that thing up." And honestly, good for them. Maybe they were trying out being a furry and they were just too scared to admit it and now they're in an insurance jail.

[00:25:34]>> Bit of carplay. Yeah. You know what I mean? You start off with a a little inkling for a YIF and then you end up in the penitentiary.

[00:25:40]>> Yif y. Thank you.

[00:25:43]>> What a world.

[00:25:44]>> What a world. Richard, help.

[00:25:46]>> Wait, you got the neuropen?

[00:25:48]>> My neuropen. My ibuprofen is >> Are you a drug dealer?

[00:25:53]>> Richard's got a headache.

[00:25:54]>> Richard came in with the neuropen express earlier. Yeah, Phil was like, I feel a headache coming on and then it just frisbeed them out of the room directly onto Richard. No respect.

[00:26:03]Right, you have to crank this one.

[00:26:04]>> Crank him hard.

[00:26:07]>> Get in there. What has she got today?

[00:26:11]>> Oh, is it another yellow ball? I'm going to a blue ball with a yellow hat on.

[00:26:17]>> Phil. Oh my god.

[00:26:19]>> I don't know what happened there.

[00:26:20]They're breeding. We have >> Thanks.

[00:26:24]>> Thanks.

[00:26:27]I'm ready.

[00:26:28]>> Or is it a viewer one?

[00:26:29]>> Yes. I'm really excited. You guys give us the best topics.

[00:26:33]>> This is from Novi who said, "Is human consciousness an evolutionary glitch?"

[00:26:38]>> Oh, someone called Brian Cox. Who?

[00:26:41]Someone said, "I look like Do you think I look like Brian Cox?"

[00:26:44]>> I do see what that's about.

[00:26:45]>> Do you think he's hot? It's just never like >> He's got that nerd face, >> but it's never like you look like Ronaldo, is it? It's like you look like Professor Brian Cox.

[00:26:52]>> Yeah. A lot of people said Benedict Cumberbatch for you and he's hot in a specific way.

[00:26:57]>> Specific way. Anyway, do you think human consciousness is an evolutionary glitch?

[00:27:03]>> I think that lots of animals are smart.

[00:27:06]>> Yeah.

[00:27:06]>> Like monkeys are basically people and so are some dogs. And then some dogs are really dumb. Um and the same is applied to people.

[00:27:13]>> You know how you get some dogs that >> fully look you in the eyes? They know exactly what you're thinking and feeling. You can train service dogs to help people live their entire lives.

[00:27:22]They work at farms. You get parrots that speak English and then some dogs, you look at them and they're just going, >> "Yeah, it's true."

[00:27:28]>> Like there is nothing happening sticking out their tongue.

[00:27:31]>> I think if we didn't have consciousness as humans, wouldn't we be more >> would be gone >> successful as a species. It' just be like fighting [ __ ] flopping babe hot take. That is exactly what is happening right now.

[00:27:48]>> But it'd be just like kind of >> we are delusional. we are just still fighting anding >> and we're telling ourselves a load of stuff that oh we've got all these complicated feelings and I've got a job to go to and I'm going to wear some clothes and it's like no >> no I'm going to kill this thing because it's got the thing that I want I'm scared they're in my space >> and I need to eat something and also I I feel a need to have sex >> but we wouldn't be making nuclear weapons.

[00:28:12]>> The only people that can say that they are conscious I think are um asexuals. I think the best hack to finding out what it'd be like to not have consciousness is just to scroll Tik Tok because time goes away after an hour. You're just like, "Where was I? Who am I?"

[00:28:28]>> Phil, are you done having a shower yet?

[00:28:29]We've got a podcast to plan.

[00:28:30]>> No, I'm on the bed in my towel and it's 4:00 >> and you bought 17 Laboo off the Pop Tik Tok live.

[00:28:37]>> Yeah. What I thought was interesting was Brian Cox did a talk on how rare it is that life exists on Earth. And I think he said it took two billion years for this to form and this could have been a rare occurrence, right? So what if we are so rare that that happened? Maybe there's no life out there because the goo to make life.

[00:28:59]>> Yeah, but Phil, if the universe is infinite, then right out there there is another Phil and he's even gayer and taller and paler on a male podcast.

[00:29:07]>> I don't believe the universe is infinite.

[00:29:10]>> How can something be infinite? There must be an edge.

[00:29:14]I'm just saying it's like it doesn't make sense.

[00:29:17]>> Doesn't.

[00:29:17]>> So, I'm on team.

[00:29:19]>> I think it's not a glitch. It's inevitable. Everything's a coincidence.

[00:29:22]And also, we're not even that special.

[00:29:24]And you're on team. The universe has an edge. We are special. Nothing's infinite. I am the only Phil.

[00:29:30]>> I think I'm the only Phil, but there are other like large giraffe style aliens out there. Do you know what I mean?

[00:29:35]They're not humans.

[00:29:36]>> And I And I'm Damus.

[00:29:38]>> Cuz they say if the universe is infinite, there will be a Phil and a Dan doing a podcast right now. But we've got each other's faces and you're straight.

[00:29:46]>> Yeah. Whoever took the fedible is having the worst week of their life right now.

[00:29:50]>> Our ears are penises. Our toes are penises. Your hand is a ass.

[00:29:57]>> Like everything is possible.

[00:29:58]>> Sick EDM visual.

[00:30:00]>> That's out there. That's what it That's what that theory says.

[00:30:04]>> Your face is a belly button.

[00:30:06]>> Well, let's listen to them right now. We ask you to send in your hot takes on whether the universe is infinite or not.

[00:30:14]And let's see what the people of the community that draw us as bunny boys on each other's laps have to say.

[00:30:20]>> Hello, my name is Nico. I'm from Taiwan and I'm hard launching British people saying the word [ __ ] >> That's it. Just British people saying the word [ __ ] >> Is this one of those like everything sounds nicer if it comes from a suitably British mouth? I think the more posh your voice is, the more nice it's going to sound.

[00:30:40]>> Give them a real posh. Philit, >> that was the queen.

[00:30:48]>> You don't have to go full Elizabeth Windsor.

[00:30:51]>> But then if you're up north, it's >> Oh, Charles.

[00:30:54]>> D, you're not doing Diana.

[00:30:56]>> No. Oh my god.

[00:30:58]>> They're going to put us in the dungeon object.

[00:31:02]>> British people do. They do say it in their lives.

[00:31:04]>> We do. We do say it. Yeah, I think we we for some reason do say it more often than we should we should say it less, but straight people and lesbians and other people do say it.

[00:31:13]>> It's a word that's I mean I hope people are and if not you should say it more often.

[00:31:19]>> Next.

[00:31:20]>> Hi, I'm L from Pennsylvania.

[00:31:22]>> I'm Aiden from Maryland and we are hard launching that it's okay to find objects hot.

[00:31:28]>> Okay, short and sweet. I think objects can be hot. This is quite >> objectify them. A sexy microphone.

[00:31:35]>> It is.

[00:31:36]>> Look at its ridges.

[00:31:37]>> It's phallic. It's bulbous.

[00:31:38]>> Look at its bulb.

[00:31:39]>> It's ribbed for their pleasure.

[00:31:40]>> Yeah.

[00:31:41]>> Yeah.

[00:31:41]>> Would you sit on that?

[00:31:42]>> Would I sit on the microphone? No, Phil.

[00:31:44]It would ruin the podcast. It's expensive.

[00:31:45]>> It would.

[00:31:46]>> The lava lamp.

[00:31:48]>> Oh, come on. This is like This is Roman.

[00:31:50]It's Greek. It's the thing that they talk about in books.

[00:31:52]>> Hot. It's bloody.

[00:31:53]>> It's the type of thing where you go, "An ancient emperor did that because he was scared of his masculinity and killed 10,000 people."

[00:31:59]>> Yeah.

[00:32:00]>> Phil.

[00:32:00]>> Whoa. This is my child. I can't find this hot. We're not gay. We're not objectifying the emo axel.

[00:32:07]Okay, that's a no. Um, >> hard launch logoable.

[00:32:11]>> That'sable points.

[00:32:14]>> This is non-binary cuz it's round and spiky.

[00:32:18]>> Yeah, >> it's edgy and soft.

[00:32:20]>> What about your grip trainer?

[00:32:21]>> Aggressive Dom top mask energy. But I guess the question is, is it like thinking I can see like a sexual use for that object? No, no. It's about falling in love and like finding it.

[00:32:34]>> When someone's like, I'm marrying the river.

[00:32:36]>> Yeah.

[00:32:36]>> Someone's like, I love the lava lamp.

[00:32:38]>> I feel like that's going to be a stage of we're not judging anymore. People are marrying rivers, bridges, trainers, >> socks.

[00:32:46]>> Yeah. You >> date everything was a great example of that.

[00:32:49]>> Get Ben Star to voice an object.

[00:32:50]>> I wanted to have sex with that door.

[00:32:53]>> Open can.

[00:32:54]>> Yeah.

[00:32:54]>> Do you know what I mean? Swing.

[00:32:56]Ding-dong.

[00:32:58]Letter box. Next. Hi, my name is Katie.

[00:33:01]I'm from Nova Scotia. I'm hard launching that for about 15 years of my life, I was terrified of Shrek because when I was three, I had a nightmare that he skinned my entire family alive and wore their flesh.

[00:33:13]>> I mean, that's fair. Are you going to be afraid of Shrek if that happens? This reminds me of Tyler Oakley that was scared of ET cuz he used to have dreams that ET was peeing into his mouth.

[00:33:23]>> Do you remember that?

[00:33:24]>> Yeah, I bet he's glad you're bringing that up again.

[00:33:26]>> Yeah. Sorry, Tyler. Do you know when people like fandoms, they take a character and they always like reduce their evil qualities because they find them kind of hot? Yeah. Like people know that Phil is an evil cannibal vampire and they'll be like, "No, Phil is just a silly goofy guy." And it's like that's not the character.

[00:33:42]>> No. So that's what they think about Shrek.

[00:33:44]>> Are we forgetting the Shrek law? He is an ogre. Yeah.

[00:33:49]>> He probably did skin your family.

[00:33:52]>> He collectively as a society, we've meme Shrek. We've softened him and yeah, I know that he's like been on a journey and he's fine, but he's an ogre, okay?

[00:34:00]And loving Shrek and being a Shrek fan is accepting him for being an ogre. It's not just saying he's a funny green guy and he's a civilized person. No, he is an ogre. You should be scared of Shrek because to be honest, in a pre-S Shrek one world, he he would have skinned your entire family. Yes. So, can we have more respect for the Shrek law, please?

[00:34:20]>> We still have that Shrek porn book in our toilet. There is a Shrek uh >> paperback piece of erotica.

[00:34:27]>> Yeah.

[00:34:28]>> Called Get in My Swamp.

[00:34:29]>> Yeah.

[00:34:29]>> And we've got it stacked between Men's Wear Dog and Humans of New York. Yeah.

[00:34:33]>> Just so that when people come around, they go, "Oh, it's a stack of generic books." Didn't see that one, did you? I ask about it, you naughty, you've read it.

[00:34:40]>> Yeah. Back to back.

[00:34:42]>> What happens?

[00:34:43]>> What doesn't happen?

[00:34:44]>> Okay, >> on that note, >> well, there's no saving this one. Um, aren't you glad that we're back together? see what a few days apart and a threat of near death and an ant will do to a relationship.

[00:34:54]>> Dan, Phil, Ant signing off. Unless you are coming to the Patreon where I'm going to be checking my sock to see if the ant is still there. I've got a question about a gay hostel in Thailand.

[00:35:04]So, we're going to talk about that.

[00:35:05]>> I look forward to that stuff that you can't say on YouTube. Definitely not Tik Tok.

[00:35:09]>> Go patreon.com/danfill to join the party. And we will see you next time. Thanks everyone. And why?