Beauty, Attraction & Double Standards — Men Really Think Like This? | Fridays with Tab & Chance

Ajouté : 2026-05-23

[00:00:00]I thought she was going to put me in a bonnet.

[00:00:02]>> Bae, they have male versions.

[00:00:04]>> There's no such thing. Just cuz you put male on the front of it.

[00:00:08]>> See, this the double standards right here. This is There's no such thing.

[00:00:11]>> This is where we This is it.

[00:00:13]>> All I'm trying to say, >> you can wear a scarf.

[00:00:17]You can wear It's the same thing.

[00:00:19]>> If you say the word bonnet, it's not for me.

[00:00:23]>> So, we going to say There's no such thing as a male bonnet.

[00:00:27]>> Minute it.

[00:00:30]Hey, that sound better for me.

[00:00:31]>> Shall we shall we create them?

[00:00:32]>> Then create it. But it ain't going to be you not going to put me in no bonnet.

[00:00:36]>> So if you wear >> She said the other night, Lo and I told her I said I'd rather get a haircut >> immediately. She said what? I said I'd rather get a haircut.

[00:00:44]>> Okay, we're going to save this for the topics. You got your >> We ain't got to say nothing. I ain't wearing no bonnet.

[00:00:51]>> Bonnets.

[00:00:54]>> I associate that.

[00:00:55]>> Hello there. Hello there.

[00:00:58]Welcome to Fridays with Tab and Chance.

[00:01:03]>> You in for it today? Okay. What?

[00:01:05]>> I'm Tabitha Brown and this is my husband.

[00:01:08]>> I'm Chance. What's up?

[00:01:10]>> Bring the beat in.

[00:01:14]>> Fridays.

[00:01:17]Fridays.

[00:01:20]>> Fridays with Tab and Chance. Bump bon Fridays Fridays.

[00:01:31]Fridays with tab and ch and Friday with tab and chance. I said Friday with tab and chance. I said I'm about to do the dance. Hey. Hey.

[00:01:48]>> Can't take my neck.

[00:01:50]>> I was getting into it.

[00:01:52]>> It's all right. Did you have that figure? It's a little It's a little dye that I had.

[00:01:56]>> No, that's a stain.

[00:01:58]>> It's a It's dye from the last time I dyed my hair. Speaking of, let's let's today we talk about double double standards. We don't know for sure if that is the right word for the topic.

[00:02:12]Well, I know how we can I know how what made you want to because this was I like for the people to >> I would like moving forward for them to know how we come up with our topics and who came up with the topic.

[00:02:24]>> What made you want to talk about it?

[00:02:28]>> What made me want to talk about it?

[00:02:30]>> The double standards. When you say I want to do double standards today, bae, what what made you want to talk about it?

[00:02:35]>> Well, how men react to stuff based on how women react to stuff. Part of this conversation is double standards, >> but it's how women view things versus how men view things, >> can be >> looked at sometime the same, but sometime very different.

[00:02:54]>> Um, >> I was about to talk about my hair being gray cuz when we was talking about this and I was like, I know you you were saying that you was liking it, but and I was liking it too, right?

[00:03:05]>> But now I was like, I don't know if we really like it or not or Is is it a time when men decide that they really lean into the gray or when women lean into it? I don't know if that makes sense or not.

[00:03:22]>> Are we talking about me leaning in on your gray or my gray? Because that's the that you you started out with you now.

[00:03:30]>> Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So like how I feel about mine cuz like sometime women like case in point, I think this is so sexy.

[00:03:38]>> Mhm.

[00:03:39]>> On you. Mhm.

[00:03:40]>> And as much as I was thinking that I was going to look sexy, too, I think I'm it's I'm just looking old and dusty.

[00:03:51]Carlos, why are you laughing?

[00:03:54]Because it was looking cute until it won't. You know what I'm saying? So, but on you it looked good. And I think women be like, "Oo, when they see men with the gray, it be so sexy." Like all women be like, "Oh my god, it looks so good on men." But then when our hair be gray, men be like, "I don't know if men be really thinking that." Like, do y'all think that when you see a woman or do you associate it with her being old?

[00:04:26]Does that make sense what I'm trying to say?

[00:04:28]>> Yeah, it it makes sense and I'm trying to find a good way to answer this. I think it's all preference, right? I think um we as individuals have our own insecurities and we like what we like.

[00:04:44]>> And sometimes we can't we can't hear no matter who it is, no matter the relationship. We can't hear anybody else. If we don't like it, we don't like it. And I would go I I don't this is the only reference that I got. Um, >> dark meat and stretch marks. Okay, man can tell a woman like, "Nah, I like that. I I like that dark meat down there. I like them stretch marks."

[00:05:19]If you don't like it, you going to go get a cream and try to get it out.

[00:05:24]>> You get what I'm saying? Like there's there's that stretch mark cream you you know women be using. We can say all day long.

[00:05:32]I don't need You ain't got to spend all that money on that Vicky secret with all that lace and all that.

[00:05:39]>> Come on, Vicki.

[00:05:41]>> Put this t-shirt on right here. I like this t-shirt. I like to see that dark.

[00:05:46]>> I like that. I like this real simp. If you don't like it when you look in the mirror, >> you can't hear me. and you no matter how attracted to it that you are, it's still you you still looking at yourself and you got your own insecurities based on things that have happened, things that you've seen, things that you indulge in.

[00:06:06]>> Um, and when you you get what I'm saying? There's so many things that I can think of to where it's like, tab, I love that. And you vice versa. You can tell me all day long and my mama can say, "Dang, they she can say, "Son, you handsome with your I like that." And you too and my kids, my daughters or dad, it look good on you. You look that looks make you look distinguished. But and I and I love you are you you are the the the ladies in my life that I hold it the highest regard and your opinion matters. But when I go to look in that mirror, if it don't look right to me, it's I'll try to find a good compromise.

[00:06:52]I'mma shave it down to put a line on it and all that because I associate it with a with a with a thought of aging.

[00:06:59]>> So So that now we at at the answer to the question. So you do associate >> your gray beard to aging, right?

[00:07:09]>> And I can and I can admit that I think it looks good. Mhm.

[00:07:13]>> However, I associate it with a a certain mind frame of aging that I'm not ready to look good at that point yet. You get what I'm saying? It's like I can make it look good, but >> cuz cuz I know like when I see men with with the gray >> Mhm. If they still like swagged out like I don't look at Los and think Lo look old but I be like he look fly the beard.

[00:07:42]>> No go ahead man >> it's the fact that his birthday just >> but I you know it's it's just like I look at you I don't >> see you and think you look old. I just be like man that looks so good you Yeah, I I I get what you know exactly what you're saying.

[00:08:01]>> We've seen women with gray hair >> and you'll say, "Man, that's a beautiful older lady."

[00:08:07]>> It It ain't never like her hair just so pretty. Or it's always like, "Man, look at that old she that's that's a nice looking older woman."

[00:08:15]>> Well, look, >> it's like it always >> Let me give you Let me give you two. Let me All right. I'm glad you use that as a reference. Okay.

[00:08:22]That's me talking to my wife, being also respectful of my wife and make me knowing the limitations of of of a compliment to another woman. You got to put that into consideration, too.

[00:08:34]>> If you put older on it, >> I'mma throw a little something on there to be like to be Hey, I'm going be a little respectful, too, right? Now, you don't want to hear me say, "Damn, that girl look good right there." You don't want to hear that. She >> But I'm just telling you too though how men think where it's like, hey, we you want to be respectful too of your wife when I'm giving somebody a compliment and I'm going to acknowledge, oh yeah, she look good with that.

[00:09:03]But there's layers to it is what I'm getting at.

[00:09:06]>> There's layers to it, >> right? But why do it the layer got to be old?

[00:09:11]>> What you mean? Cuz like that's always the the factor. Like if it's a woman who got the gray hair, when you look, you be like, "Man, that's a beautiful older woman."

[00:09:22]>> Yeah.

[00:09:23]>> You don't see a lot of you don't see a lot of younger girls with the gray hair, right?

[00:09:29]>> So it ain't too It a It ain't something you you frequently see. So that's the thing that I associate with it where it's like, "Ah man, it do look good."

[00:09:38]You don't see it. It's rare. So that's the first thing that you point out. It's like, okay.

[00:09:44]>> And it's usually with it's something that older women do well.

[00:09:47]>> You don't see it. But I don't think it's an issue of the color of the hair, >> right? You get what I mean? Like the color of the hair.

[00:09:54]>> So do you think now that I'm let mine grow out, I'm going to be a beautiful older woman?

[00:10:00]>> No, you just going to be my beautiful woman.

[00:10:04]>> See? Yeah.

[00:10:05]>> What you talking about?

[00:10:06]>> So that's what I'm saying. But you don't look but but you not you not old, bae.

[00:10:12]>> Exactly.

[00:10:12]>> But you realize you never gonna look old to me. Like you got to get that in your head. Like there's no >> I'm I'm glad.

[00:10:18]>> Like you like But I don't But see, I don't really take That's why like when you give me when you say certain stuff, I have to be mindful like of the eyes that I know you see me in. That's why when you say, "Be know your hair look good." I'm like, "Man, shut up. You tripping. You about to have me in front of the world looking crazy, >> bae.

[00:10:38]>> Because I realize you see me in a lens that I love. That this is what every man wants from his wife, >> right? But I also am not going to be stupid enough to believe that because you didn't put me out there some put me out there like >> No.

[00:10:56]>> And then I have to look back and be like this my wife. She look at me in Hey, what's that? What's you always say, Lo, that the way Tara look at the world?

[00:11:04]Rose colored lenses.

[00:11:05]>> Rocoled lenses, right? Yeah. That's how I know you look at me. And I and I appreciate it. Same way my same way that my mom or a mom looks at his her son like and that's why I appreciate my daughters because they look at their daddy but not in them same rose color lens. They look crazy.

[00:11:26]>> But if you be looking crazy, I tell you, you look crazy.

[00:11:28]>> You do, but not as often as they do. You get what I'm saying? So that's what I mean. It's layers to it. Like you going to always I'm you you going to always try to build me up. You going to tell me if I'm if I'm if I'm slipping a little bit, but most times I got to be careful about I got to be careful about how you you know what I'm saying?

[00:11:51]>> Well, do you be telling me the truth on how I look? Cuz cuz the funny thing is that you say that.

[00:11:56]>> Mhm.

[00:11:56]>> Um and and and we are uh Mother's Day is upon us. When I look back at them pictures of myself pregnant I posted the other day when my nose was from here to here and I was about 10 different shades of blackness all different neck just >> get to it. What's your question?

[00:12:17]>> You was telling me that I was I was beautiful >> because you was >> you know this a sensitive subject for me now. Like listen, look look look look.

[00:12:28]I'mma tell you again. I don't like how you be talking about my wife.

[00:12:33]>> I'm telling you, you you you you you talking about stuff that you can't control.

[00:12:39]>> No. And it's beautiful to me. You carrying my son, my daughter.

[00:12:46]Okay. You carrying my son and my daughter. It is beautiful. These are things that you can't control that you talking about your nose and your skin and all of that.

[00:12:57]>> I mean, I'm just saying I was looking crazy.

[00:12:58]>> No, you was not. Not to me. Not to me.

[00:13:01]It looked good to me. It look That's what I'm saying. Like, it's things that see the things that we can control where people get crazy. They don't think about that. But the things they can't control like, hey, I'm carrying a child. I'm >> I knew what was happening and I can't control.

[00:13:15]>> You know what I'm saying? when I look back >> and you needed to hear that and to keep your stress and you needed and you needed to hear that >> to keep your stress levels down to make sure my kids were healthy to make sure that that that you was healthy to get through you needed to hear that. So those are things that I don't even like to that ain't that shouldn't even be like a a a topic for women. Like >> you can't control this. You It ain't like you was just laying around walking doing all the stuff you supposed to do.

[00:13:47]My son, look at my son. My son beautiful and healthy. Look at my my my daughter.

[00:13:51]She She's beautiful and she healthy. You out here concerned about your nose, trying to keep your nose down. Something been wrong with my kids. you.

[00:13:58]>> No, I'm just saying when I looked at it, I said, "Oo, >> it looked good to me." And at the time >> it was different.

[00:14:06]>> What I think happens, what I honestly think happens, I do I think that there's like a trance or something that men go through when women sacrifice their bodies to carry their kids. We don't see that. We don't see y'all the way y'all. We we I think a good man I think a man who's in it for the right reasons and understands that understands the gift that is of life like and what you doing there's a trance that comes over him where he's like man he don't see none of that >> we really don't see that we be like >> I think that's the blessing then in the partnership because >> we don't see that >> I know for me and a lot of women we be in that mirror I couldn't even find myself for like them last two months I was looking in the mirror like, "Girl, I don't recognize you at all." Like, I could not see myself anymore. And it was very concerning for me. So, the fact that you say I needed that, you right. I did need it. And I don't even know how I was believing you cuz I was looking at mirror, I be like, "Girl, you gone."

[00:15:15]Like, "Girl, you ain't in there."

[00:15:16]>> Wow.

[00:15:17]>> But you would be like, "Be you look beautiful, bae." And I'll be like, "This man, he you was definitely in a trance.

[00:15:23]You was definitely in a trance.

[00:15:24]>> But I'm telling you, like I'm telling you, >> it's a love thing.

[00:15:28]>> But we have these conversations.

[00:15:29]>> Yeah.

[00:15:30]>> Even outside of like >> even outside of like the pregnancy talk.

[00:15:36]Men, we talk about this stuff like >> Yeah.

[00:15:40]>> It ain't what y'all think it is.

[00:15:42]>> Mhm.

[00:15:43]>> It ain't. It's like it's >> good good men.

[00:15:47]>> Well, I I only fool with good men.

[00:15:49]>> Yeah.

[00:15:49]>> You know what I'm saying? Cuz I'm saying it's it's some women out here who I don't think get to experience >> stop fooling with them boys >> or h or haven't experienced a good man.

[00:16:01]>> Yeah. that they out here killing themselves to look a certain way >> or to be a certain way for a man who is just never going to appreciate them for who they are or what they look like or they're like the good nature that you are period.

[00:16:22]>> Yeah.

[00:16:24]>> You know what I mean? I know exactly what you're saying, but >> cuz there's a lot of people who have like deeply rooted self-esteem issues, right? That come from sometime it come from family um you know mothers with their daughters or fathers with their daughters, you know, weight complexes, color complexes, all those things.

[00:16:49]And I think sometime it's harder for women versus men, which maybe that's a double standard or not, but the rule of beauty like there's so many rules of beauty for women where it should just be we are all beautiful however we are, but there's there's this label which >> well hold on.

[00:17:13]>> Sometime it be like European standards that are not true for us.

[00:17:16]>> No, no, no, no, no. Now, now look, I I ain't going to say that I can completely agree with we just beautiful however we are.

[00:17:25]>> Mhm.

[00:17:30]>> I believe in being healthy for you, being attractive for you, >> which requires effort. You get what I'm saying? Um, >> but I think that there's a healthy balance to that and supporting your your spouse and I don't think nobody just want to be with somebody who just want to >> who don't care about >> care about how they look. Right. Right.

[00:17:54]And and care to be healthy and >> care how they carry themselves. Um, that's not what I'm getting at.

[00:18:01]>> No, I don't think that's what you were saying.

[00:18:02]>> I think Yeah, I I'm just saying. But I think you I think me and you have a clear understanding. We've always had that understanding from the beginning of our relationship. And I still want to be able to be attractive for even even when we 90 95 years old.

[00:18:20]>> Mhm.

[00:18:22]>> I'm still going to care about how I look and how I'm presented. You get what I'm saying? So >> I I mean that's not what I'm saying. And I'm not saying you just get with somebody and you just decide, all right, he married me or she married me and now I ain't got to >> because because there are people who do that. There are people who say >> lose themselves in.

[00:18:41]>> They're like, "Oh, I'm good. I got mine and now I'm done and I'm out this I'm out this rat race."

[00:18:46]>> Yeah.

[00:18:47]>> Of of of >> trying to find somebody. I got him or I got her >> and now I'm just going to let myself go.

[00:18:54]Um, so that that's not what I'm getting at. That's >> I feel like that's I found my I found I knew >> I knew when you were pregnant. I've known when you were ill. I've known when you were working. I've known and I've known and I've admired your work ethic and knew my wife doing everything that she's capable of doing right now. And now the things that that you may not be able to present or present how you think. I don't even see it because now the admiration and the the the attraction is coming from is picking up somewhere else.

[00:19:39]>> So when you are beating yourself up, I'm getting frustrated because I'm like, man, don't nobody care about that because you picking up the pieces in all of the other categories that I wish somebody would say something about. You know what I'm saying? Like I don't know. And and most good men think like that. They like they don't it don't even cross their mind. You get what I'm saying? It's like I don't even know what she tripping on like look good to me.

[00:20:08]>> Yeah.

[00:20:08]>> And when you break down the pieces of what look good to me and that's and that's literally the term, >> but that that is in a a solid healthy relationship, right? Do you think that there are double standards when it comes to beauty, attractiveness, men and women? Like, do women do men get more of a pass because they're men on out of appearance than women? Are women held to a higher standard to look a certain way >> in physical? Yeah. Uh, >> do you think that they are held to a higher standard?

[00:20:51]>> I'm going say I'm going say well listen >> no >> and tell me why.

[00:21:09]>> Are we just talking about in the physical appearance or appearance overall? Because I I put it to you like this. Mhm.

[00:21:17]>> Okay. A beautiful woman or an attractive woman.

[00:21:24]I'mma use what I got from Lowe's at a bus stop. A man driving by, she can be attractive at that bus stop.

[00:21:34]>> Mhm.

[00:21:38]>> 6' tall, broad shoulders, Nigerian man. That's what all the women want. Mandingo. Mandino Nigerian man standing at that same bus stop.

[00:21:51]Is he just as attractive as she is?

[00:21:58]Does do they both get the same appeal or does the fact that it's a man at a bus stop make him less attractive?

[00:22:09]>> Right. That's that's basically the question.

[00:22:11]>> Yeah. And that's what I'm getting at in my with my answer.

[00:22:15]>> Mhm.

[00:22:16]>> She has a better chance of being treated better or being looked at as attractive than he does >> because of that just just because of where they standing at.

[00:22:29]>> Just because of where they standing at.

[00:22:31]Now both of them can be great shape, you know, both attractive to nine out of 10 of their, you know, of the opposite or whatever whatever they preference is.

[00:22:44]>> Then that's a then that's a classification that you >> That's what I was saying in regards to are we talking about just in the physical like you got you got >> does that matter then? So that so is that a >> attraction is attraction is different then that's a double standard >> then yeah it but so and but I'm saying when you ask me is it more or less for woman or man I'm going to say it really just comes down to >> because it's layered and it's a loaded question. It really comes down to are we just talking about two physically fit people just in the physical who go to the gym? Uh uh you get what I'm saying?

[00:23:26]Or are we just talking about attraction overall? What attraction is for men and women?

[00:23:31]>> You get what I'm saying? So >> So those same two people can be in the gym.

[00:23:35]>> Mhm.

[00:23:36]>> Right. And you don't know >> same color outfits, >> everything. The exact same two people that are at the bus stop >> can be in the gym. You don't know how they got there.

[00:23:46]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They they in the gym now. Now we changing the environment >> right >> now.

[00:23:51]>> Who has a harder >> who has from an outer appearance if if and we're not saying that uh she's >> does she have to be physically fit because you said the the Nigerian guy is broad shoulders, big like all the things. W with the girl that are you saying she has to have a certain image?

[00:24:14]>> I say in the gym in the gym the person who has the if we're just talking about attraction is what we talking about.

[00:24:24]>> Yeah. Is there a double standard for the the the beauty? Right. Does a woman have to have a certain beauty standard versus a man? Like because the question was, is there a double standard? Like, do men get off easier, right? Does a woman have to be quote unquote fit and all like quote unquote perfect in appearance versus a man who can be not in shape, you know, he he might dress nice.

[00:25:02]>> I guess it I guess >> have a good job, but >> I guess I guess what I need to know is what are we trying what are they trying to when you say does do they need it for what? You get what I'm saying?

[00:25:12]>> For for to be considered attractive. I I I'll give you an example. You know, we've been many places and we'll see a couple out >> and the girl can be beautiful.

[00:25:21]>> Mhm.

[00:25:23]>> And the guy >> maybe not so much. And you'll hear people say, "Oh, he must have money."

[00:25:30]>> Just the truth.

[00:25:31]>> Just the truth. So to me, that's a double standard. So you saying my man, >> he long as he got some money, >> so >> he can be ugly or not have an appearance. I'm I'm still off on the question. You'll hear people say, >> "Am I I'm conf what I'm trying to say."

[00:25:48]What I'm trying to say, y'all, that I ain't getting right.

[00:25:51]>> So, you saying is that a double standard?

[00:25:54]>> I don't understand.

[00:25:55]>> Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, I'm saying do men have it easier because they don't have to be quote unquote handsome to get a beautiful woman?

[00:26:03]>> No. No, no, no. Easier.

[00:26:04]>> So, get Okay. So, we're talking about does he have it easier? No, he doesn't have to. He That's not easier to me.

[00:26:11]Even if that's true, what we saying, even if what you're saying is he got money because he not attractive and he got an attractive woman, that does not equate to being easier.

[00:26:21]>> But the other thing >> because getting money ain't easy.

[00:26:23]>> Or sometime you be like, he got that thing on.

[00:26:29]>> He got that porn once.

[00:26:33]Now that mean he blessed. The boy got blessed.

[00:26:36]>> But that's what I'm saying.

[00:26:37]>> But that don't make it now. Now, if that's the case, if that's the case, right, that if that if we're talking about easy >> Uhhuh.

[00:26:46]>> Okay. That I don't know if that necessarily makes it easy because that's a lot of pressure on you to maintain that and know how to wield that sword, >> but still to me, I feel like >> that don't mean easy. Easy.

[00:26:58]>> It's not necessarily easy, but it's a >> easy in the eyes of the beholder. Easy.

[00:27:02]I'm telling you, it don't make things easier because you were gifted with something or you work for something and that's why somebody is with you. Because now they're with you based on something, >> right? They're based on it. They could be with you for the wrong reasons, which does not make things easy in my opinion.

[00:27:20]If I'm with you just solely because you're you're you're beautiful, right?

[00:27:24]You could be dumb as hell.

[00:27:25]>> Well, yeah.

[00:27:26]>> Or you could be surface. You could be you could be vindictive. You could be a lot of things. Mhm.

[00:27:30]>> My attraction to you. I need to be attracted to you. So, I'm not trying to be the person that be like, "Ah, I want somebody for the intellect." No, ma'am.

[00:27:38]I need You got You got to have that thing on you.

[00:27:42]>> You got to have a little bit of something else for chance, right? But in order for us to have gotten here, you have to have I needed more. It can't just be surface things. So, I don't think that it's easy. You know what I'm saying? It ain't nothing easy. It still comes down to hey look we all out here trying to deal with what we got. We got some of us got gifted certain things.

[00:28:05]>> I think from out of appearance >> on appearance alone >> I think there is a double standard to beauty or out of appearance and I think that women have to do extra and men sometimes can just be out here t-shirt and gray jog and pants on. Well, the the thing is the thing is Okay, so I'm not going to say that it's easier. I can't agree to that because >> I ain't saying easy, but I'm saying double standard.

[00:28:36]>> No, you keep saying easy though. You say easy.

[00:28:38]>> No, I'm saying I think that men don't have to do as much as physical, >> right, to be considered like women. I just I just feel like it's a double standard like >> for on appearance and the actual physical of their bodies, >> right? Because we could be the smartest, funniest woman, >> got an amazing career, great personality, good sister. Okay.

[00:29:06]And a man might not even give her a time of day just from her outer appearance.

[00:29:11]>> And you saying you saying it's and it and it's different for women as it opposed to men. Man can have a great personality. Hold on. Let me use everything you said. He can have No, wait. He can have a great personality.

[00:29:24]He can have He can have what? What was your list?

[00:29:27]>> He could be He can have a great personality. He can have a great career.

[00:29:31]Be a solid dude. Right. Funny, all the things.

[00:29:34]>> He can have a great career. He can be a solid dude.

[00:29:36]>> Yeah.

[00:29:37]>> And you're telling me, but his face might not be quote unquote attractive >> and his body may not be attractive. And you telling me that dude has a better chance than that woman?

[00:29:48]>> Yep.

[00:29:48]>> See this woman? This woman >> double standard.

[00:29:51]>> No. No.

[00:29:51]>> Ain't I right? See this? Yes.

[00:29:53]>> No. No. Hold on. Hold on. So you telling me You telling me that this dude >> this dude >> whose face game might not be right. Y >> he ain't got the chiseled. He ain't got the He ain't got the Nigerian blood. He ain't got them shoulders. He ain't got that dark skin.

[00:30:08]>> Y >> he out here. He 5 foot2.

[00:30:12]>> Don't matter. You trying to tell me that women don't have the same critiques and and No, hold on. Hold on. So, women don't want you to be tall. Women don't want that smile. Get it again. Dr. Dan, what's up, boy? They don't want that smile. They don't want They don't want uh uh as much as we do. You trying to tell me that men don't want none of that? So >> I I I think that women right >> So you're saying women settle more than we do.

[00:30:43]>> They settle more than men.

[00:30:45]>> See that's the that's the double standard. You consider it settling if somebody is not outwardly attractive.

[00:30:53]>> I think that's what you just said.

[00:30:55]>> No. No.

[00:30:55]>> But but hear me out. What I think women we also like to be entertained, right?

[00:31:03]We love laughter. Good storytelling, like good convers. Right. No. No.

[00:31:10]Serious. Okay. I'm wait for this.

[00:31:12]>> We like attraction. Yes. Right.

[00:31:15]>> I know you do.

[00:31:16]>> But there there are time >> Hey, hey, hey, you better take a good look, >> babe. Stay focused.

[00:31:21]>> I ain't had none of these problems.

[00:31:23]>> Stay focused, >> girl.

[00:31:26]>> You ain't had none of these problems.

[00:31:28]That's why you can't get in this car. Go ahead.

[00:31:31]>> Now, you just Okay, case in point. You just made a reference to your beautiful smile. Did the smile But did you have the smile when we got together?

[00:31:40]>> Did I have a problem with it?

[00:31:42]>> I ain't had a smile, but I had >> Huh. Did I have a problem with >> No, you did.

[00:31:46]>> Now, would you have dated me if I had the teeth that you had?

[00:31:55]>> Pro. Let me finish. Let me finish. I don't know. I honestly don't know that.

[00:32:00]I don't know because that's a that's a I don't know. But >> but I can tell you this.

[00:32:06]>> All the girls I dated ain't all had your smile.

[00:32:10]>> But ain't But ain't none of them have bad teeth.

[00:32:18]But okay. So look then you saying one take one thing away from me. Okay.

[00:32:29]And the attraction is gone. Right. So if I say add one thing or take one thing from you, you think that the attraction is gone?

[00:32:38]>> It ain't I don't think it's that simple.

[00:32:39]I'm thinking >> No, no, no. What I'm saying is just based on outer appearance.

[00:32:44]>> Uhhuh.

[00:32:45]>> Right.

[00:32:46]>> Just you had to even you had to think about it.

[00:32:48]>> Yeah.

[00:32:49]>> I didn't have to think about that with you. I thought I loved the gap. I thought you were handsome with it.

[00:32:55]>> Yeah.

[00:32:55]>> Right. Even though you hated it.

[00:32:57]>> That's that's what going back to the beginning. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. But it to me it it didn't take away anything from you for me, right? I still would give you the time of the day, which I did in the night, right?

[00:33:12]>> You know what I'm saying? But for you, >> you literally had to stop and think like, I don't know, bae.

[00:33:18]>> Yeah. No, because I thought to everything, >> right? But I'm just saying out of appearance, you ain't never Have you ever dated a girl with a big gap? Has that ever been something that was attractive to you?

[00:33:31]>> No. Right. It ain't been.

[00:33:32]>> So, people can have different attractions.

[00:33:34]>> Yeah, that's the point. That's what I'm waiting to get to.

[00:33:37]>> To me, I feel like there's a standard where most times men, they it's got to be almost a not a perfect look, but in your mind, it ain't like leaving space to be open.

[00:33:55]>> I don't know.

[00:33:56]>> For exploration. I don't I don't know.

[00:33:58]Look you so >> Am I making sense y'all? Am I making sense?

[00:34:01]>> So what if you if I got if there is something that I am attracted to?

[00:34:06]>> Uhhuh.

[00:34:06]>> Okay. So what you're saying is where the average man you think that the average man our attraction is in the is very similar is what you're saying.

[00:34:17]>> Yeah. I I would say so just because I mean I don't even know if I would say average man but it it goes back to me saying >> I I don't want to hurt nobody. I wish if off camera I would be like name some women that you think and I be but I don't want to I don't want because there's a lot of women that their their body styles they're are different. Yeah.

[00:34:37]>> They're attractive to me.

[00:34:39]>> You get what I'm saying? But I don't want to and I don't want to be like nah.

[00:34:43]>> That's just plain attraction, right?

[00:34:44]That's like you like what you like.

[00:34:46]>> Yeah.

[00:34:46]>> But I'm saying in general I feel that society as a whole >> right. especially when it come to black women.

[00:34:54]>> That is that is that is harder.

[00:34:56]>> It's harder on black women, >> right?

[00:35:00]>> That that that has been something that has been done.

[00:35:03]>> If you did not have a mama like me, if you weren't raised around, and this one of the things I appreciate, my mama, my mom, it used to get on my nerves and I didn't realize until I was older, >> then my mom would point out little black girls and things that were attractive about them and say, "She, look at her. Look, look, dang. teeth.

[00:35:23]Look at her. Look, that's a pretty little girl. Look at her little hair.

[00:35:26]Look at And she would point out little stuff like that >> all the way down to like freckles and I'd be like, >> but then as I got older, >> those are things that I see black women.

[00:35:37]You get what I'm saying? And I and what I realize is I don't take it for granted now because I see that that work wasn't done by a lot of people. So, we talking about things that have been >> done to us as a people. So, I don't disagree with you that black women have it >> harder in terms of uh being attractive.

[00:35:56]>> Um >> I just can't say that I that in terms of now in the in the women category, they have it to me more difficult. Um it's more difficult. But as oppo if we're saying with men just the gender where it's like, hey, do men have it harder or women have it harder? I can't necessarily agree because men have their own hurdles of attraction and limitations of what they can do or society says is acceptable for them to do in order to be attractive. So in the physical, so with those limitations, men have to tag on all these other things outside of the physical to to be appealing, >> right? Um there there's there's there's things that you can do to enhance your body now that society will say that's acceptable.

[00:36:54]If she want to do a girl, shoot, that's her money. She can do it.

[00:36:57]>> That man 5 foot two, I want to be six foot.

[00:37:02]>> There is surgeries where he can do it, but society won't accept him and embrace him the same way. M >> um um like it's it's a they make a mockery of you in the sense where it's where even with uh uh a penis enlargement, right? Women can go get what's the thing called?

[00:37:20]>> A rejuvenation.

[00:37:21]>> Yeah. And all of that and it's embraced.

[00:37:22]And with even with women dying on these tables and stuff like that, it's still like, girl, >> girl, I'm going over here to get the uh what the thing the tuck the mommy makeover and all that stuff. But just the idea of a man being insecure about his penis and saying it is >> right.

[00:37:43]>> And when you ain't got all of the other things that and and that man is insecure about it, right, it's not embraced or encouraged the same way as women. So, I don't look at it and say it's easier because he's a man. I do say, all right, I will say and admit that there's other things that a man can go and grab for his lack of physical attraction, things that he can do >> that can make himself more appealing >> to women that I know women um gravitate to, which is personality. That's that's one of the things making him laugh. But with that personality, having a good career is kind of leaving something out, right? Having a good career, what we all we're just saying, he got a steady income or a large income.

[00:38:40]>> Steady income. He can have a great career and be happy with what he's doing, but can he provide the lifestyle >> that is >> you get what I'm saying? So that I so I say all that to say that this is why I'm reluctant to say he it's easier for a man because it's a whole lot of layers in this to where it's like yeah I understand your gripe as a black woman as it as it pertains to other women and saying >> black women are not viewed in the same light or treated fairly in the same light of their own gender. But when we're talking about gender uh uh male and and male versus women, it's easier from attraction. Now, it ain't easier. I can tell you I can tell it's it's one-sided in in in the category of opportunity. Yep. Men do get more opportunities from workforce and things of that nature. I would never Yeah.

[00:39:37]Women don't get the same equality in sports. I will agree. But in terms of appeal to the eye, attraction just in the form of physical, I can't say that it's easier. I honestly think women do more damage to themselves in that category. They don't realize how how man how men really view how beautiful women are.

[00:40:00]>> Well, but I I I get what you're saying, but I do still think there's a double standard to beauty men versus women.

[00:40:09]Like I I remember growing up and this is even happened to to to Choice and always being told like you you you so pretty for to be a dark-skinned girl.

[00:40:20]You you you pretty right.

[00:40:24]>> Did you ever hear that? You you nice looking to be dark skinned?

[00:40:28]>> Me?

[00:40:29]>> Yeah. You ever heard that in your life?

[00:40:32]>> I'm nice I'm nice looking >> to be your complexion. Have you ever heard that? Not not in that way, but I've heard No, hold on. But I've heard um I've heard you from a from a a different uh race, I'm a I'm nicel looking black man.

[00:40:55]>> Mhm.

[00:40:56]>> You get what I'm saying?

[00:40:57]>> Yeah. I mean, >> but for black women, we we hear it from >> different races. You pretty for a black girl.

[00:41:06]>> Mhm.

[00:41:07]>> Same race. you pretty for a dark skinned girl. Uh even like, oh girls who are overweight, oh she pretty to be a big girl. It's like it ain't just you pretty. There's always different, you know what I mean?

[00:41:23]Uh levels to it. Where with men, I don't feel like y'all get that judgment. I don't feel like it's like, "Oh man, he he nice looking to be uh skinny. He nice looking to be uh a big boy. He not you know what I'm saying? I don't I don't think y'all get that.

[00:41:38]>> Men do get that. Men, we get it from each other. Women don't say it.

[00:41:44]>> No, but see see I think you I think you kind of generalizing and you I I've I got heavy set friends and I've heard women say that to me about my friends and to them. He nice looking. He carries himself well for a big guy. I've heard that even in my adult life all in my childhood like they yeah you you hear it now hearing it as often because >> there's a difference between is there a difference between um is there a difference between like just the the the the things that come with being a male and a female. Yes.

[00:42:34]>> Mhm.

[00:42:37]>> Being pretty and all of that stuff is not taught to you. Being attractive, being handsome is not taught to you as early as it is as a male. You get what I'm saying? Like >> what you mean is not taught >> you. as as a young person when I was growing up, >> it was not preached on me or or taught to me early on about my appearance as I remember my young cousin, my female cousins and stuff like that. Whereas it was a thought process and ingrained in them that they needed to be pretty.

[00:43:13]You're pretty and be a princess. We I was taught be tough, you know, let's go play boy be boys do this, boys do that. So it wasn't that important. And so what I'm getting at is it's a cultural upbringing thing to where it's like it's and you can't lose sight of it. It wasn't one of those.

[00:43:31]>> That's the case then, right? Where does the insecurities form >> when you get it later? You get what I'm saying? Where it's like, hey, >> because you talking you saying that you hear it as your cousins and stuff being told they're pretty when they're young.

[00:43:45]>> Insecurities for who though I cut you off, >> right? For for women. So if I heard it all the time, like I can tell you I heard it all the time. Like as a little little girl, my mom would say, "Oh, you look so pretty." You know, I mean, my little dresses and those are things made me feel even more pretty, right?

[00:44:02]>> But as soon as society started saying, "You pretty for a black girl or you pretty >> for a dark-skinned girl, right?" Uh or boys would say, "You got a big head."

[00:44:16]You know what I'm saying? like start telling me that I wasn't pretty. Right?

[00:44:21]We no matter what you're told as a child, society starts to make you almost believe that it's true to then we become older and there is a to me a double standard on what beauty is for women versus men.

[00:44:41]what's accepted, what is not, what makes life easier for her versus him.

[00:44:48]>> I tell you, you know what I mean?

[00:44:50]>> I would I would if you ask, the average man.

[00:45:02]Well, I guess you know what? There is no average. I can't really say that because I don't think I don't I don't know. I I really don't know. I really don't. I mean, everybody has a different beauty standard.

[00:45:15]>> Yeah. I just know what I think beauty is. and and the men and the men and the men that I associate with, >> we kind I can speak confidently to like we pretty much on the same page of what beauty is and we are under the impression that women are just too hard on themselves.

[00:45:40]>> You get what I mean? Like women are just too hard. We >> became hard on oursel because society told us we were not enough. Who the hell is society and tell them to SHUT THE HELL UP?

[00:45:51]AND LISTEN TO the maners that you with.

[00:45:53]Oh, nobody give a damn about society. I don't care about no damn society and whoever the hell he is or she is, who the hell society shut the hell up. Guess what? Like, man, the society is >> So, this this is what I really think it is. I think, man, that you're right. is society >> but we indulge too much in the things that where we think society uh resides and that's the damn social media and phones and watching well it's contributed >> now go back to then don't look at them either >> don't look at nothing where they kind of if anybody suggesting that you that you listen to man I'm trying to it's it's not right >> you're beautiful >> I'm So I know what I'm attracted to and I'm not saying that that me Los all my boys that we attracted to the same thing >> but the underlying thing is always the same. It is it is like sexy ain't just or attraction ain't just it ain't one thing. It's like your It's a attitude associated with >> the little things that we like. Like >> I like curves. I don't want nothing straight up and down.

[00:47:18]Okay. Now you'll hear that. And because I don't say I like a little curve or a big curve. You can't fill in the blank.

[00:47:27]You can't go and fill in the blank and be like he ain't going to like my curve.

[00:47:30]My curve is too big. I said I like curves.

[00:47:32]>> Right.

[00:47:34]>> I'm a booty man.

[00:47:35]>> Yeah. That don't mean I don't like boobs. That means I like I'm about to You almost made me cut.

[00:47:47]But you know what I'm saying? It's like don't go filling in the blanks with a negative.

[00:47:50]>> Put a positive in there and then >> it's something to say with your attitude >> like I like a little freak in the household, in the bedroom. I don't need you. You know what I'm saying? Like it's little things. It's little things that I think that go in association with how you present to the world and then how you present behind closed doors that are being left out >> and and believe a man when a man tell you he like dark meat. Don't try to go get rid of it.

[00:48:26]>> Back we back to the dark meat back.

[00:48:28]>> Man, I'm telling you, it's big topic in the in the in the male in the mail conversation. It's like y'all y'all out here using these creams and [ __ ] and stuff >> and trying to get rid of these and trying to get Don't be using none of that.

[00:48:42]>> I ain't use nothing.

[00:48:43]>> I'm just saying. But it's a topic.

[00:48:44]>> I use cocoa butter.

[00:48:46]>> No. Yeah, that we like cocoa butter. You ain't got to go get this Vicki secret stuff. Cocoa butter. Cocoa butter smell good. Like >> I also use tab and chain.

[00:48:55]>> That's right. So ju I don't know. I don't know. Stop listening to society or whoever the hell society is.

[00:49:03]>> I got I got resources. I know people.

[00:49:06]>> Okay. It's all right.

[00:49:08]>> There's good people that y'all need to follow with would give you good No, seriously.

[00:49:12]>> Uh Deval, >> they got Yes. They do a great job.

[00:49:16]>> Great job.

[00:49:17]>> Yes.

[00:49:17]>> Ke Melissa. Yes.

[00:49:19]>> You understand what I'm talking about?

[00:49:20]Like if you like it's certain people out here if you just pay attention and listen like to the little things. Ain't nobody telling you to go. Ain't nobody telling you to like it ain't one. It ain't one like cookie cutter like woman.

[00:49:35]>> It is not. There's no cookie cutter person. It ain't.

[00:49:38]>> Right. But >> I still think there's double standards.

[00:49:44]>> There are.

[00:49:44]>> Right. That's that's that's really >> No, there there are I will agree that there are double standards. I cannot agree >> that is easier >> that in terms of men and women >> that it's easier is I can't I can't agree that it's easier for I can't I can't agree with that >> in the comments what y'all think right y'all watching are there double standards to beauty when it comes to men and women you know do you think it's easier for men versus women to be accepted in the world of quote unquote beauty Beauty uh and what is beauty, right?

[00:50:24]>> How would you define that?

[00:50:25]>> Talk amongst yourself. To me, beauty is freedom. When you are completely free of what others think of you, what others have the example of beauty and you can like I like my hair in the afro. I embrace it. I'm free to do so. That makes me beautiful.

[00:50:43]>> Right?

[00:50:44]Freedom. When you take them chains off, which are opinions, that's where beauty comes in for me.

[00:50:51]>> Now, my qu now my answer my question for that is um I I think that too. I think that there's a lot of beautiful women by your definition.

[00:51:01]>> Yeah.

[00:51:02]>> They're beautiful.

[00:51:03]>> Mhm.

[00:51:03]>> But they're not attractive >> to you.

[00:51:06]>> To me. There you go. You get what I'm saying? So, you can't take that as when you see a man and he his attraction to a thing that he's calling you ugly.

[00:51:17]>> I'm not calling you ugly. I'm not attracted to you. I think you're a beautiful woman.

[00:51:20]>> Right?

[00:51:21]>> I think the way you carry yourself, I think all of that is very beautiful.

[00:51:25]>> Mhm.

[00:51:25]>> Now, attraction is something different, >> right?

[00:51:28]>> If Now, which one are we talking about?

[00:51:30]Are you doing something to become beautiful or you doing something to become attractive? And you got to know the difference between that. If you're trying to attract, all right, that's something different.

[00:51:40]If you want to be attractive to the average man, okay, that's something different.

[00:51:46]>> What is the difference?

[00:51:49]>> Attraction is going to be very specific to a man.

[00:51:52]>> But you said somebody beautiful that >> you're beautiful and attractive to me, right? You said it's something different. So >> those two things are different. An attraction can be something that he is based just solely on his eye. Right.

[00:52:05]Hold on. his sex appeal. He You get what I mean? His his idea, his vision of um >> But how does a woman know? She got to learn a man to That's right.

[00:52:18]>> Right. But if she don't know the man, >> that's what I'm saying.

[00:52:21]>> Then her feeling beautiful >> have to be enough to get a man to be.

[00:52:26]And you can't go jumping hurdles or getting offended when you don't appeal to the type of man that you you you think you you you got to carry yourself in your peace, in your freedom.

[00:52:39]>> Mhm.

[00:52:40]>> And know and be confident that I will attract the man based on my beauty and how my freedom, right? You get what I'm saying?

[00:52:49]>> That's what you want to attract.

[00:52:51]>> That's what you want. You want to attract the person who's attracted to your beauty, >> to your freedom, >> how you carry yourself, right? That that should be what we all want to attract.

[00:53:02]You know, sometimes you you hear opposites attract, right? But you you want to attract a person who doesn't want you to quote unquote change, >> who they see you for who you are, right?

[00:53:14]Um, and they don't have these limitations of of or high standards of what beauty what they think beauty is supposed to be because the world said it, but what naturally feels right for them and for you. Like I always say, lean into that.

[00:53:32]>> Who has and I know we got to close this up. Yeah, we got to get >> we got to close it off. But I This is This is >> Who has the biggest list of requirements >> for requirements?

[00:53:46]>> Who has Do you think women have more requirements on their list or men have more requirements?

[00:53:53]>> Oh, women definitely have more requirements >> on their list.

[00:53:56]>> Yeah. Like when they be looking for a husband?

[00:53:58]>> Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. So you're saying I think women because you know I talk to this to a lot with my single friends right and sometime they they list be listing them right on out of a man >> now how many how many things can a man do >> to make himself physically attractive >> but see I think that's the thing it goes back to what you're attracted to I think as long as a man carries himself well Right. Um, when I talk to my friends, they >> That's all it got to be.

[00:54:33]>> Doesn't really matter about height.

[00:54:37]That's >> for the average, not you, babe.

[00:54:39]>> No, I'm saying when I be talking to my girlfriends. Now, I do have a lot of very tall girlfriends, too. But they want them to at least be their height or a little taller. But I also have have friends that height is like not a thing for them.

[00:54:52]>> I'm talking about I'm talking about So, going back, >> you know what I'm saying? I know you hear you hear people, I want six feet.

[00:54:58]Like you the joke of it all.

[00:55:00]>> But we can agree that the list that most the women's list and requirements for a man is going to be higher than a man's list and requirements for a woman.

[00:55:09]>> Yeah. Because y'all but but and I'm going to tell you why.

[00:55:12]>> Get to it.

[00:55:13]>> Cuz y'all are so simple.

[00:55:16]>> Which is why it's double standards when it comes to beauty. That's why the women's list have to be so long. Cuz y'all so ignorant. Okay. Oh, that's they got to look good on you. Can't even get to the inside of the woman cuz I'm trying.

[00:55:30]>> No, they trying to get you the woman.

[00:55:36]>> Huh? So, you know what I mean? You you you're so busy trying to get to the inside of a woman that you miss the opportunity to get to the inside of the woman.

[00:55:49]your list. Maybe the men's list need to be a little bit longer, too. Okay, this is all assumption cuz I ain't never been single as an adult. We ain't never been We ain't did none of this. I'm going about what my friends told me and what I see the world doing to the women and the men out here. Okay.

[00:56:09]>> So, one of your friends that made you feel sorry for them or something, huh?

[00:56:12]YOU FEEL BAD?

[00:56:13]>> NO. ALL MY FRIENDS IS SINGLE with the exception of a handful and I've been trying to help them for years.

[00:56:19]I've been told all of them >> bad. But this is the thing. They list be getting shorter and shorter every year.

[00:56:25]They be like, "Well, you know, Zab does a funny bit on this."

[00:56:28]>> But the problem is, >> but Z said she goes through her list.

[00:56:30]>> I've been told all of them. The problem is, >> here we go.

[00:56:34]>> I've been told all of them cuz all of them are beautiful. You got beautiful friends.

[00:56:41]>> Yes.

[00:56:41]>> You got attractive friends.

[00:56:44]>> They in the wrong place. They not going to find Nope. Hollywood out here.

[00:56:50]>> No. Because two of them moved to the south like you told them and they still single.

[00:56:54]>> But they took a Hollywood mind frame with them.

[00:56:56]>> I know who you talking about.

[00:56:58]>> No, they still single.

[00:57:00]>> They still Uhuh.

[00:57:02]>> single.

[00:57:02]>> I know who you talking about.

[00:57:03]>> Anyh who, you not going to talk about my friends.

[00:57:06]>> They my friend too.

[00:57:07]>> You're not going to talk like talk about my friends.

[00:57:12]>> You talk about mine. Talking about we got it easy. Y'all do get double standards out here. I'm riding with the ladies. Women, >> watch what happened.

[00:57:21]>> Women, you're beautiful.

[00:57:23]>> You are.

[00:57:24]>> Men, y'all are No, everybody >> lean into your beauty. Lean into your the thing that makes you feel good about you. And that's what's going to bring your person to you. Don't try to mold yourself to fit into, I think, the the quote unquote society standards of beauty.

[00:57:44]lean into your freedom. Lean into who you are so that that person is attracted to your truth. Because the worst thing that can happen is that you try to build yourself to be what society says, but that ain't your truth. And then you get in a relationship and you can't maintain and you start to fall apart like uh Tisha Campbell did on um Fresh Prince.

[00:58:11]Remember she started taking everything off. You baby be be who you are. Okay.

[00:58:20]Be who you are. But know that it's still double standards out there in the world.

[00:58:25]Okay. And that's that's the truth. And this is good bae. We could go on and on, but we got to go.

[00:58:30]>> No, you got >> But the most important thing is I got what you like.

[00:58:36]>> Mhm.

[00:58:40]>> All right, y'all. in the comments. Let us know what y'all think. This this this one could go on and on and on. Okay.

[00:58:46]>> Yeah, cuz >> you got anything else to say before we close out because I feel like you itching over here.

[00:58:52]>> But you don't need to say nothing else.

[00:58:53]You cussing today.

[00:58:54]>> I'm good. I'm good, man. Stop listening to society.

[00:58:58]>> Babe, you said that already. We >> care about no damn with these people.

[00:59:02]>> Okay. All right.

[00:59:02]>> Most of them >> most of society being driven by kids anyway. They don't know no better. Stop, man. Nobody care about nothing but they talking about man is be grown. That's what you need to be.

[00:59:15]>> All right, y'all.

[00:59:17]>> Put that phone down.

[00:59:19]>> They watching this on the phone.

[00:59:22]>> All right.

[00:59:24]>> Y'all go about your business, okay? We thank you for tuning in. Have the most amazing day. But even if you can't have a good one, don't you dare go messing up nobody else's hand. Remember to like this video, share this video, and subscribe to our channel and shop cabinchance.com.

[00:59:44]Very good. Yeah. Bye.